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“If you like Mr Luka, why don't you tell him, Pa?”
Cyrus was combing Subaru's hair when Rinne sat herself down on the sofa next to her sister and asked the seemingly innocent question.
His body stilled while his mind ran marathons. “W- What? What do you mean, Rin?” He covered his nervousness behind a deceptively warm smile.
Subaru looked up at him. “Ms Tina taught us today. She said that when two people, like Annie’s parents, really like each other, they say it. Like Barnie.” She murmured softly, eyes straying to the ancient Barnie the Dinosaur CDs on top of the DVD player.
“But Pa, you don't say it to Mr Luka at all! Right, Su?” Rinne insisted, ignoring Cyrus's silent dilemma.
When two people like each other, huh? How liberal, said the voice in Cyrus's head that suspiciously sounded like his late father.
He breathed out a sigh. “Luka isn't your parent. Your Auntie Heidi and I are your parents,” He dismissively replied. Okay, that sounded weird but Cyrus can't exactly tell the girls right now that they were born from a scary lab full of human organs in jars.
“You and Auntie Heidi like each other differently,” Subaru frowned.
Cyrus was too tired for this.
“You gotta tell us, Pa!” Rinne shouted, elongating the ‘Pa’ so impressively, it exceeded some of Cyrus's students’ skill sets.
From the kitchen, Luka peeked out. “Girls, be nice to your father. He looks like he fell in a drain coming back from work.”
Cyrus snorted. “Well, I'll be damned,” He said loud enough for Luka to hear, before turning back to the girls with a lower volume of speaking. “Fine, I'll tell you two, but you have to help me with the laundry.”
The twins dashed to the washing machine in an instant, to which a very confused Luka looked up from the roasted chicken he was making. Very convenient.
Outside, Cyrus made his daughters pinky promise that they won't tell a word of this to Luka. They'll probably forget about it by next week, but Cyrus read that it was important as a parent to acknowledge what his children want to say and answer their curiosities in return, to show that he respects them.
Others would say it wasn't that deep, but Cyrus ‘My-father-played-my-life-like-a-puppet-of-his-own-design’ Fey Chen Yang took these things seriously. To be what his own father couldn't, that's his goal.
As he hung Subaru's bee pyjamas, he reluctantly admitted it. “Yeah, I do like Luka.”
The girls shared excited looks with each other.
“But!” Cyrus pointed his index finger up, giving them a semi-stern look. “You can't tell him that alright!”
“Aye aye, Pa!” Rinne saluted with enthusiasm. Subaru did so too, just much less vigorously. Cyrus didn't trust either of them but they were good kids, so he'll probably forgive them if they do reveal such a horrifying truth to Luka.
After some clothes were hung up, Subaru tugged his pants. “Why don't you tell him, Pa?”
Cyrus blinked. “I… Well, guys don't normally like guys.”
Subaru's eyes widened while Rinne's mouth fell open.
“Why?” Rinne asked as she clumsily put one of Cyrus's shirts on a hanger.
Cyrus took the hanger from her when she needed his help to hang it up. “There are the words from the Gardener's Journal that go against the concept.”
He paused at the suspicious silence from his daughters and understood. “Don't get the wrong idea,” He laughed, patting Subaru's head. “As our creator, the Gardener tells us to love, not hate. Love itself is not a sin. It's just the act of giving into destructive temptation that He forbids. So we have to be patient and considerate when we want things.”
Two pairs of periwinkle eyes stared at him like they understood nothing of what he just said.
“What's tempation?” Subaru mumbled as she gave him a dress from the basket.
“Temptation,” Cyrus corrected. “It's a feeling when you really want something, even though you know it can be harmful at times.”
“Oh! Like those potato crisps with the hot chili powder!” Rinne hopped at her spot.
“Yes,” Cyrus agreed. “It's full of addictive ingredients that are terrible for you two. Yet you get Luka to buy them for you behind my back.”
The girls froze like deers in headlights. Very small deers indeed. He placed the hanger with a small clinking sound.
“Anywho, people can also feel temptation towards other people. For the record, this is okay for a lot of couples.” He assured them. “But if a person meets someone for the first time and thinks they're in love, there's a good chance it's actually lust.”
“Have you been in lust, Pa?” Subaru perked up.
“A lot of times, Su. And it's not a good thing,” He answered back. “Lust is temporary and it only benefits oneself. But love is long-term and it takes a lot to build.”
“So when you two are older and you find people you love, you must be patient, okay?” Cyrus turned properly to them.
“Okay, Pa,” The two girls said in unison.
-
After a warm dinner, Cyrus tucked the girls into bed when Rinne sat up in her bed. “Pa?”
“Yes, Rin?” Cyrus hummed as he slid the storybook back into the shelf.
“Does Mr Luka tempt you, then?”
Suddenly, the wall seemed very interesting to him. “Uh, sure, in a way,” He said too fast, before taking a deep breath. “But he doesn't mean to. He doesn't feel that way to anyone. Not even me.”
“Don't worry, Pa.” Subaru's voice came from the other bed, muffled under the blanket. “I'm sure you can tempt him one day.”
“...I'd rather not.” That was what he said when he was in the twins’ shared bedroom.
The Cyrus outside the twins’ earshot had an entirely different outlook. He was in a tank top and his boxers. He had gotten fat. This probably won't tempt Luka.
If Cyrus spectacularly failed to seduce Luka when he was in peak shape eight years ago, then there was no way this would work.
The sound of the door opening made Cyrus jump.
Luka appeared at the doorway where Cyrus was waiting for him. The silver-haired man had his coat on, scarf loosely tucked around his neck. Luka seemed rather surprised at Cyrus's unique display of his changed body.
Warmth burned Cyrus's ears. “Uh, ignore this. I almost forgot to send you off so,” He lied, weakly gesturing to his home outfit.
Luka's curious gaze skimmed over Cyrus. “Is this one of your strange social experiments again?”
“Wha- I haven't done those in years,” Cyrus huffed as Luka put on his shoes.
“I see, that's good,” Luka chuckled. He grabbed on the doorknob and looked back at Cyrus. “Fatherhood is a good look on you, Cy.”
Cyrus blinked. “Ah. Thanks.” He responded awkwardly.
With that, Luka was gone.
Alone, Cyrus let out a soft, broken laugh. Hm, lust really wasn't the way for him anymore. Luka was asexual. He wasn't Cyrus’s to keep anyway.
Admiring from a distance as the man he can't have helps babysit his daughters. That was Cyrus's love life now. For all how physically strong he used to be, his mental strength is truly fragile. People will tell him it's a divine test from the Gardener.
By all means, Cyrus didn't entirely push his own beliefs on his girls. Since he was disowned, his relationship with the Gardener has been…complex.
Yes, he still believed the Gardener was All-Powerful and All-Knowing. Yet when he tried to practice such faith, it didn't feel genuine and it made him feel outcasted from the rest of the believers.
Even these days, his recitations were wobbly and stuttering, worse than beginners. But the inherent fear of dying and ending up somewhere else that wasn't the Garden was still etched in him.
…
Right. Fear. He was taught to fear the Gardener, not to love Him as a creator. One day, Cyrus will have enough courage to relearn his religion without bias, without fear.
Relearn love, maybe. Then, he'll be able to love both the Gardener and Luka properly.