Archive of Our Own

Eddie had gotten better over time at deciphering Venom's communication.

It wasn't words, like he first thought. That was just his brain sorting meaning into something he could understand and it didn't always succeed at conveying what V was trying to say properly, let alone the tone they were saying it in. It turned out that there was a lot of error room when translating the thoughts of an alien slime creature into English -especially when the thought in question had no analogue to anything on Earth- and Eddie absolutely did not have enough technical knowledge to compensate for that.

He was trying, though.

He was really trying to make this work.

It was unconventional, but the symbiote was the most important person in his life right now. Sure, he’d made up with Anne after their breakup, her boyfriend Dan was a pretty cool guy, and the three (four) of them were working their way towards a comfortable, friendly stability.

And he had acquaintances and contacts all around the city. From his job, from bars, from Venom’s rescues, from just chatting with people he met:

• Mrs Chen from the bodega, who gave V an extra bit of chocolate every time they visited and kept trying to give him more de-stressing advice that didn’t still work.
• Tommy, who now frequented Maria’s old spot on the sidewalk with his guitar, busking for change instead of reselling free newspapers like she had.
• He had an open offer of joining The Party Birds’ weekly drag-themed karaoke night after an expose he’d done into the “think-of-the-children”excuse for anti-trans discrimination had hit the streets —and he had taken them up on it once or twice, despite his horrible singing voice.
• Stuff like that. He was a friendly guy, hardly an introvert or anything.

But… it was mostly surface-level stuff. Nothing deep. Nothing that really meant anything to him, not any more than he cared for everyone he met. And even if it had been anything less shallow; it would still be hard to get deeper or more intimate than an alien wrapped around his brainstem.

It was a weird kind of intimacy for sure, and it still freaked him out occasionally, but it was what he had and he didn’t want to squander it. His last relationship had blown up over what was in hindsight a massive breach of boundaries on his part and a lack of consideration for Anne and the life she had apart from him. With Venom, he was on the other side of that, and while V was making leaps and bounds on the roommate (bodymate?) etiquette, really truly understanding where each other was coming from was hindered by the google-translate-style ‘good enough’ method of alien-to-english translation that they’d been using initially.

So while at first V had just been shoving everything through Eddie's language centers and hoping for the best, lately they had both been working on getting a closer meaning across by tapping into memory and feeling and base concepts more; which was a closer equivalent than verbal speech could ever be to the chemicals and … whatever else it was that Klyntar natively used for higher-level communication amongst themselves, while at the same time still being something based on Eddie’s own neural pathways so that in theory it would in turn be easier for him to understand than anything else the symbiote had access to to try on its own end.

To aid in that endeavour, Venom was keeping mostly to its pocket dimension, body-wise. All its soma tucked up tight in its interstitial gall, so he couldn’t be distracted trying to read body language or facial expression on an alien life form. Body language was important too, obviously, and he had to learn to read Venom’s just like it would have to learn to read human expressions in general without relying on his brain to translate, but that was an exercise for another day, when they weren’t focused on the direct and intentional parts.

It was a bunch of extra difficulty and frustration upfront, but they both hoped that it would be a good first step to getting them to a place of mutual understanding further down the line. Building their own little lingua franca one block at a time; neutral territory, a middle ground.

They’d been at it for a while, enough that Venom was getting familiar with pulling up certain memories or concepts from Eddie’s brain and had a working understanding of where they were stored, while Eddie himself had become much better at parsing out the different aspects of the messages it was sending translating them into something he could label and understand, which meant that they could both pull that bit back up to refer to later. They were making progress, especially at the everyday stuff and he was proud of the slow, measured rhythm they were getting into.

In the other direction, they’d been practicing with Eddie sending messages silently. The symbiote could normally only occasionally pick up more than just his emotional state with any clarity, but they’ve found that if Eddie focuses on thinking clearly and slowly and intentionally then it comes out much clearer. This was especially useful for quick confirmation of understanding, and communicating when they were out in public and didn’t really want to sound like he was talking to himself, though talking into a phone, real or fake, was often just as good. He still found it difficult to think in anything other than words -aurally or visually- but he was working on it, since even when reading his mind human language still wasn’t the alien’s strong suit.

Overall, Mrs Chen would be pleased: it was practically meditation-adjacent at times. Lots of lateral thinking, with plenty of introspection for spice.

Unfortunately, it was also backfiring a bit at the moment.

Then again…

Maybe these particular concepts wouldn’t be any easier to convey in plain English.

“Could you repeat that?”

《⟨host-other-self ❝EDDIE❞⟩¹, WE ARE {decorating his college dorm, opening a birthday present, getting a tattoo, slick black biomass, something about lizards, meme: mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell’.}?》 The message was full of uncharacteristically vacillating emotions:【anticipation, hesitancy, embarrassment, tension, worry, hope】, as well as a sense of 🙗pacing/fiddling/tension/restraint🙑《WOULD YOU ⟨like to-be willing to-be okay with-enjoy❝PLEASE❞⟩ {giving chocolate on valentine’s, looking at houses, kneeling with a ring, data transfer, voting, organ donation}?》

Eddie took a few minutes to try to parse that. He usually had to do that while they were practicing this communication method; new concepts always taking a while to unravel and then package back up into a useful shorthand.

It sounded like his Other was asking for something big. Next step of a relationship big, if he was reading it correctly. Eddie didn’t think he was necessarily opposed to that. They’d started their cohabitation out of accident and necessity, but they’d grown a lot since then. The current situation was… comfortable wasn’t the right word, that suggested a lot more quietude than their daily life tended to entail, but he felt they were well into their friendship journey at this point; so if Venom wanted some kinda BFF level up with the alien equivalent of friendship bracelets or something (maybe a discussion of commitment? He could see that), he was certainly willing to hear them out.

He wasn’t at all sure though what exactly they were asking for.

"You want… me to give you a gift?" 【confirmation】 "And it’s, it’s an important gift, a permanent gift, like a tattoo, right?" 【agreement, nervousness】

The vibe he was getting from them reminded him of asking a crush to prom; that kind of nervous, fluttering excitement that felt like he was doing something at once brave and transgressive, and that could easily end in dashed hopes or even a slap in the face. But presumably with the potential for something special and good if it all went right?

There was something about the gift being one of many, too. 【confirmation】 The memory of opening a birthday present had the idea of previously discarded wrapping paper around the edges. The tattoo memory hadn’t been of his first one, either. One of the most recent, actually. Done in commemoration of how far he had come - in life, in love, in his journalistic career. Before he’d blown it all up, of course, but he didn’t regret the ink. It was a part of his history, written right on his skin.

And it was definitely something biological, what with the lizards and the organ transfer and the half-remembered cellular diagrams. 【confirmation】

Which… didn’t quite add up, then. "What happened to all that ‘our body’ stuff? You’ve apparently done it before, and I can tell you’re not just notifying me or asking for permission, so why not just take whatever it is you want?"

That was definitely an uptick in the embarrassed/nervous feeling.

《WE WANT IT TO BE ⟨special-ritual-bonding[romantic?]⟩, LIKE {drinking with co-workers, praying in church surrounded by people, on a date watching a movie, a group study-session in college} INSTEAD OF {all of those things, done alone}.》

Eddie thought he understood that, and maybe the reasoning behind it too. "You want it to be an ‘us thing’, not a ‘you thing’." 【agreement】 "And you’re worried because… it’s a big next step and you think I’ll reject you?" 【denial】

That felt mostly true. Enough to politely ignore, anyway. "So it’s not that you think I’ll get cold feet over a change in our relationship or whatever. So do you think I’ll think it’s gross or something?"

【hesitant denial, dismissal, frustration】 《NOT ❝GROSS❞ [probably; or not important if it is]. IS {public nudity, talking back to his dad, Roe vs Wade, feminine hygiene products, Rocky Horror Picture Show, a guy in a cafeteria eating spaghetti with his hands, a child molestation case}. ⟨symbiote-self❝WE❞⟩ [are] ❝WORRIED❞ {an angry priest in church, a drink splashed in a face, running from hired guns, a headline about a lynching, a trans kid in a homeless shelter, a convict in a cell, a drug addict getting spit on, red paint on a fur coat, an angry mob at a pride parade, his ill-fated interview with Drake}》

Eddie sucked a sharp breath through his teeth. Some of those ideas and memories, transliterated or not, had hit hard, and he had definitely not been ready for it. The emotional whiplash even less so.

When he’d regained his composure, he ventured a guess at the common thread. "It’s… it’s taboo. You’re afraid I’ll think you’re wrong or disgusting for wanting something forbidden or immoral."

There was a swirling feeling in his gut; he got the feeling that the symbiote was attempting something akin to nervous pacing. 【agreement, fear】

He guessed that that explained the reticence, too.

After all, while he’d like to be able to comfort it and say that he’s sure that he’d be up for whatever – or at least that he wouldn’t judge them, especially with the tone of most of the examples V had given him — he really couldn’t. With the species and culture barriers, there was no telling how morals and squeamishness would hash out between them. The cannibalism thing was proof of that; the symbiote was more or less willing to go with Eddie’s ethics on that at this point, but it didn’t really parse the underlying problem, even after all this time.

Really, he needed more information before he could make any kind of judgment on the shape and scale of the problem. "Maybe give me a hint here; what is it that you want me to give you, anyway? You said you’d already done it before; I’d assumed that was with me, but was it, or was it with someone else?" He was guessing it was with a host, but he wouldn’t put money on it. "Can you tell me what it was? What the gift entailed?"

《WITH ⟨host-human-other-self❝Eddie❞⟩ YES. ALSO ⟨pasthost-dog❝GEMINI❞⟩, ⟨pasthost-human-ally-friend❝ANNE❞⟩, ⟨pasthost-human❝MARIA❞⟩, ❧ a dizzying array of alien life flashing through his proprioception, each gone before he could sense more than the vague placement of limbs[more] ☙.》

There was a pause, presumably Venom working out how to convey what it needed to. He was getting a mental impression of a loading throbber as they put it all together, so he took the opportunity to get up and start some coffee. The symbiote always seemed to be faster than him with this language project, so it was a bit gratifying to know that they were struggling too, sometimes.

By the time the machine was running and he was adding their now-habitual overflowing scoop of cocoa to their empty cup, V indicated it was done so he set the mug back on the counter so that it wouldn’t get jostled if he startled or something.

What followed could best be described as a montage; cellular information that he knew had to be heavily modified to be readable to his largely visual sensory system when that was not at all how V themself experienced things, especially at that scale.

• {Filaments of biomass spread like pulsing roots through veins and tissue, and all along their edges white blood cells waged war on the foreign intruder. The tendrils did their best to work around them, expending extra energy on defense – and losing bits and pieces here and there – while trying not to damage the host cells in the process.
• {Snippets of DNA and molecular structures, extracted from the surrounding tissue and brought over the dimensional bridge to be analyzed and processed.
• {New structures of symbiotic biomass being repeatedly trialed, presented on the end of a pseudopod phased through to white cells further from the affected areas, not yet on high alert. Different shapes, sizes, concentrations, components.
• {Eventually, a combination is found that the host body does not attack.
• {The testing pseudopod retreats and focus returns to the branching filaments, which begin sprouting the successful structure across their surface.
• {Slowly, the white blood cells cease their attack.
• {The inflamed tissues surrounding the threads of biomass return to a healthier appearance.}

《⟨key-password-molecule-namebadge⟩ IS THE FIRST ⟨change-adaptation-tattoo-evolution-gift⟩ {writing a new journal entry in pen, signing his name on a package delivery, Dr Frankenstein: It’s Alive!, putting documents into a safety deposit box, clicking the save button on his old game boy, a new height marker on his door post} WITH NEW ⟨host-body-bond-anchor⟩ SO ⟨host-body-self⟩ ACCEPTS ⟨symbiote-body-self/symbiote-host-bond-union❝US❞⟩》

"Oh wait," Eddie snapped his fingers in realization, "the immune-thingy. THAT’s why I was so sick those first few days, right?" He’d noticed that he was no longer sick; it was hard not to. But he’d never really wondered why that was the case, beyond a vague assumption that he’d simply gotten used to… everything.

【embarrassment, shame, guilt】《AND ⟨symbiote-self❝WE❞⟩ WERE ⟨consuming/erosion/digesting⟩ ⟨host-body-other-self❝EDDIE❞⟩ 》

"Okay yeah, that could not have helped. But you were starving. And you fixed it! So we’re good." As far as Eddie was concerned this was water under the bridge but Venom didn’t feel the same, judging by the 【ongoing shame, regret, intent [guiltily wanting to retract the request]】 he could feel over the bond.

"Hey, no! I’m not letting you slink away from this conversation just because we had a rough time at first." He leaned back against the counter and started enumerating the things he knew so far. This was important to Venom, and he was going to make sure they talked it through, even if he couldn’t promise anything just yet. "So what I’ve got is that you want to change something about your … whatever you’ve got going on instead of DNA and cells and whatnot, which is something that symbiotes do at least as often as they change hosts and maybe requires some…component? from said hosts; but you also want to do something taboo with it and that taboo thing is that you want to involve me in the decision process, to make it special – an us thing. Have I got that right?"

【hesitancy, agreement】

"Okay, so it IS like a tattoo. A permanent change to your body, marking where we met." Was his involvement like asking the buddy in question for their opinion on design before they committed to it, maybe?

Hm, he’d have been satisfied with his understanding if it weren’t for the immediate 【disagreement, offense, burgeoning humiliation】 that the reasoning inspired.

【frustration, nerves, daring, focus】《 NOT ⟨symbiote-self❝OUR❞⟩ ❧ microstructures made of biomass, tightly coiled strands of alien DNA, pulsing black soma streaked with white, holdfast filaments rooted in brain matter, impressions of things beyond the threshold between them that Eddie was not yet capable of parsing[venom’s body]☙, ⟨symbiote-self&host-other-self❝OUR❞⟩ ⟨symbiote-body-self.⟩》

"Oh?" Eddie took a moment to process that. "Oh." He hadn’t realized that his symbiote conceptualized it like that. That just as they had laid joint claim to his own human body, they considered Eddie to have partial ownership of their own alien body. … He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he thought he was starting to see why it would make a difference. And why they would want him more involved in this, if that were the case. "Not YOUR body. OUR body. You want us to choose who we will be -who we will become?- together."

【agreement, satisfaction, nervousness】

Okay, planning their lives together?

Yeah. That was significantly different from just getting your roommate’s input on your new body mod. And this revelation was definitely going to recontextualize a lot of things for him, once he had enough time to mull it over and thoroughly digest the implications - but now he had a new question. Or at least a new line of inquiry.

By now the coffee had finished brewing, so Eddie took the time to ponder while he drank; Venom having gotten distracted from the topic (and his thoughts) with the influx of chemicals and sensation, and even more with the 【anticipation】 of schlorping into the mug to dredge the last bit of chocolate sludge from the bottom before he washed it.

There was something about this conversation that was missing, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It was a nagging feeling that piqued his journalistic instincts, like when he knew there was something that an interviewee wasn’t saying, or a layer of meaning that was going over his head despite him catching every word. He wished it was an uncommon feeling, but though it had grown less frequent as he’d aged out of childhood and even more so put effort into honing his understanding of people and their motives, he’d never be on quite the same page as most people. (With Venom’s impact on his life, he’d noticed that tendency becoming exaggerated, though obviously that was neither here nor there when it came to understanding Venom themself) It was probably contributing to why it was so important to him to be on the same page with Venom -even aside from the whole forced cohabitation with a man-eating alien thing; he got what it was like to be missing cues and having his words be misunderstood, to have his world be slightly off kilter to the rest of society.

It was one of the things that had drawn him to Anne, too. She’d had her own troubles with the way that the world worked and how she had to struggle to move through it and deal with being misperceived. He hadn’t been coming from quite the same place as she was, but it had given the two of them both a leg up at finding common ground.

Eddie was reminded of the exact tattoo that Venom had brought up at the start of this conversation. An eastern dragon with Anne’s initials. Her Chinese zodiac, and a symbol of triumph over adversity: the carp jumping the waterfall. Symbolizing the success that the two of them had in life and commemorating their engagement.

…wait.

Was that what he was missing?

The other examples that V had given, what had they been again? Prom. And moving in together, and the very wedding ring that he’d proposed to Anne with. He’d thought that the theme was growing closer/life changes/choosing eachother, commitment -and it could still just be that- but now that he’s thinking it over (eliding the birthday party and the organ donation and lizards and stuff) Yeah, there could definitely be something of a romantic vibe to it all.

But he’d learned the hard way to always talk stuff like this out, no matter how pat it sounded —and this was anything but. He could never truly predict what emotions and connotations the symbiote would have in common with him, even when it seemed obvious or like it was referencing them directly. That was a big part of why they were working on this language thing in the first place; so that that understanding would build.

So after he’d finished his drink, Venom had licked the mug clean, and he’d tossed the thing into the sink, he continued the conversation that he now expected to take up the rest of the day, if not the whole weekend. ⟨Frankly he would be unsurprised if it took the entire week to hash things out, but hopefully they’d at least have time in between chunks to do his actual job⟩

"V?" The black veins twitched to attention from where they had been picking up individual grains of chocolate powder, "Some of that was starting to sound pretty romantic there, bud. Is that -do you, ... uh," okay, this might be even trickier than this conversation usually was. He bit his lip for a moment in thought. It was a good thing he had some experience with it, though from a slightly different angle. "Are you… intending it that way? Are romantic feelings a thing you experience; and is romance something you’re wanting here? Between us, I mean?"

He hadn’t considered it before, hadn’t noticed any previous signs if there were any; but then he wasn’t really that surprised about that. He had a history of being the last to know whenever a romance happened in his vicinity; he’d been blindsided each of his own relationships, too, and Anne herself had poked fun at him on more than one occasion about how she had to be increasingly obvious and blunt about her flirting before he’d clock it as anything other than playful banter. Not that she’d minded, thankfully, and it was even better now that they were friends and she could flirt and joke all she wanted and be confident in knowing that he wasn’t going to take any of it as an invitation unless she was downright explicit about it.

Venom took a while to answer, and not just because of the chocolate powder, so he was somewhat expecting it when they expressed 【incomprehension, puzzlement, consideration】 and he felt them rifling through his brain more obviously than they usually did.

Whatever they were looking for, they must have come up blank, because that puzzlement doubled down into 【bafflement, confusion, dismay】

《WE ⟨receive-gather-read-absorb⟩ FROM ⟨host-other-self ❝EDDIE❞⟩ AND ⟨host-self-brain⟩ AND {words across a page, a voice through the phone, the flicker of a tv screen} THAT ❝ROMANCE❞ IS {a pair of birds in a nest, a three legged race, a heart-shaped box, an elderly couple holding hands, a romcom on TV: I do, a deep-sea fish} AND ⟨social-group-human-pack-ties⟩ BUT [I/we] {an error message, D- in red, a meme of a woman with math symbols in a halo around her head, a breathy sigh, a ragdoll falling down the stairs, the blinking of a cursor on a sea of white, the tiniest apple he’s ever seen}. ⟨Symbiote-self ❝WE❞⟩ [do] NOT ⟨know-contain-understand-endured-soaked in⟩ THIS ❝ROMANCE❞. EXPLAIN ⟨request-demand-query-polite ❝PLEASE❞⟩》

"Uh, romance is like… hm."

Okay, this might be a tough one, actually. Maybe his practice isn’t going to pay off as much as he thought it would.

"It’s one of the ways that humans form emotional connections with each other. Most people have a specific emotion or desire or whatever that helps them choose and bond with another person? A partner, that they’ll share their life with. Uh, usually it eventually involves some of things like the ones you were showing me earlier - dating and moving in together and marriage, maybe children. So it refers to both the emotion, the drive, the relationship, and actions taken to those ends."

【pensive】 《⟨pasthost-human-ally-friend❝ANNE❞⟩ WAS ⟨flock-bonded-duo-shelter-commitment-conjoining⟩ ⟨host-other-self ❝EDDIE❞⟩ . QUERY [was it] {italian pasta, soft lighting, champagne bubbles, his own voice from a moment ago: romantic}?》

"Yes and no. Yes: we were together like that. Engagements are part of the whole courting process: a plan and promise to make it permanent, more or less. I love her; she meant the world to me and I wanted to spend my life with her.

"And no: I wasn’t feeling romantic attraction for her. I’m atypical, being aro-ace, and don’t experience those kinds of feelings. But she was okay with that, with me feeling different things than she did, and we were making it work before I messed everything up. Seeing her happy made me happy, and she enjoyed it when I did romantic things for her, so acting romantic was easy."

【interest, curiosity】 《⟨clarify-unearth-continue-gather⟩ [the] ⟨purpose-strategy-intention-benefit-natural selection⟩?》

"The evolutionary reason… probably it’s intended to make a good unit for raising kids? Or increase survival odds by encouraging teaming up? Historically we also used to cement alliances and peace agreements through intermarriage; but that’s less a romance than it is a contract. Courting might all have something to do with choosing good genes for the children too - proving you’ve got the right stuff to offer. But I’m mostly spitballing: biology was not my favourite class, and it’s not like those things necessarily matter for romances happening today. Lots of people do, or have, only some of the things associated with romantic relationships and not the others."

【curiosity】 《WE ❧ a deep hunger, the coldness of space, a sky without stars, the vulnerable nakedness of being without a host; ☙ ⟨request-fill-answer-clarify-feed⟩ THE {the rasp of sandpaper against wood, the first gulp of water on a hot day, a bear catching a leaping salmon, a carrot suspended by a string, stumbling after being shoved, hyperfocusing on on a case, the touch of lips against his, Elmo on Sesame Street: Elmo has big feelings}?》

That one took him a bit.

"What does it… feel like? the, the drive, the emotion? 【confirmation】 Yeah, I can’t really help you with that, bud. Like I said, I’m not one of the people who was built with those. But maybe you caught some of it from Anne? Not, like, as if it was contagious; I mean maybe you ‘overheard’ how she felt about Dan, or maybe what she felt about me when we were together - while you two were, y’know," Eddie tried to make a hand gesture that conveyed what it was to be fused with Venom, but gave it up as a loss when nothing really encompassed it properly and instead try to send "⟨symbiosis⟩." It’s shaky, but you think it came through, judging by the 【surprise, happiness, pride】 that immediately follows it. "Together, with her, as your host." He ran a hand through his hair, "It’s possible she was feeling it for me then, too -don’t tell me if that’s true or not! Just trying to narrow it down for you. Do you remember anything along those lines?"

The feeling of 🙗searching/looking/considering/pulling it up🙑 is quite different from when they are looking for memories in your own brain. More distant for one, and more like… using a Dewey decimal system to look up books on a topic mixed with flipping through a chronological journal than the insert-keyword search engine method that it feels like when they use his - like his brain’s lighting up with hilighted memories relevant to what they’re searching for. It’s obvious that they have a different kind of organizational system for their memories, though Eddie could not for the life of him tell what it was. But maybe someday he would be looking through those tidy stacks with just as much ease.

At length they report back with the mental equivalent of an overflowing file folder 【frustration】 《{tangled cords, bird’s nest, a wall full of tally marks, needle in a haystack, a school of fish parting around a shark, a cafeteria full of yelling teenagers}. NEED ⟨target-direction-filter⟩》

Okay, so they needed more specifics to narrow things down.

The problem, of course, being that his own feelings were atypical. So how was he supposed to explain to an alien what he meant when he didn’t even have a proper example?

But then… maybe that was an answer, too?

"Um, okay, what if I give you some examples of what I tend to feel and you can rule those out?"

【assent, determination】

He concentrated on well-worn memories of Anne, and of past partners, of cozy nights in front of the tv, bright afternoons venturing out hand in hand; of dinners where the conversation had fed them more than the food, lazy mornings sharing space and breath, and days spent thinking about when they would next meet. The jumbled cloud of

• 〚soft/fluttery/anticipation/excitement/indulgence/entertainment [of watching a romcom]〛
• 〚warmth/togetherness/affection/joy/trust/connection/loyalty [of being around his favourite people]〛
• 〚adoration/sweetness/happiness/devotion/teamwork/companionship/allegiance/intimacy [of his partnership with Anne]〛
• 〚constancy/foundation/stability/reliance/understanding/safety/cherished/commitment [as they grew closer and he proposed].〛"

And while he was at it, his different feelings for the other connections he had. Now or in the past. Friends and co-workers, roommates and drinking buddies. Mentors and guardians. It was difficult, but he tried to sort out and put a label - English or not - on each set of feelings that he was bringing up so Venom would have an easier time sorting them. He could feel the symbiote 🙗contemplating/exploring/unearthing/tearing🙑 the feelings; an iridescent swish and swirl on the edges of his perception through both his brain and their own as they worked to sort the provided emotions from their target like untangling a snarled ball of yarn, or maybe cutting straight through said yarn to extract some beads strung on it.

Whichever metaphor he used, it felt like that was maybe going to take a while, so he settled in to make use of his own brain in going over the next Brock Report script.

Last month’s video was on the increasing militarization of the police; what people can do to protect their communities, what rights they had and what to expect when they were violated, which politicians to put targeted pressure on. There were some amazing efforts boots-down on the street right now, so it had been an excellent opportunity to point more people their way.

This one was going to be on patterns of infrastructure crises: what caused them, who was perpetuating them, who was in the best position to fix things, and a multi-level approach to what could be done about it.

Eddie had always believed that the dissemination of truth could move mountains. That the right information, expressed in just the right way, could be the catalyst to giving people the power to change the world for the better. To come together and put in the work to make a brighter future.

It could, of course, also be misused to make things worse. And sloppy procedure could make even a sparkling truth out to be a dirty lie. That was another thing he’d learned the hard way. A lesson that was hard to make stick when his instincts were often to jump the gun and confront the issue head-on. Ironically, Venom being who they were was letting him stretch those self-control muscles in a way that he didn’t have to when he was the reckless one in a partnership. He could just rely on someone else to pump the brakes when he went too fast or too loose with the steering, too in the moment to really consider the best approach. Now he had to actually think things through so he could explain them in terms that even someone unfamiliar with bases for those rules could understand.

It was weird, to be on this end of things; but it was good for him, maybe. He thought he was becoming a better, more rounded person because of it. Changing, in his own way, from his connection to the alien - in several senses of both words.

He had just finished lining up his sources on the current status of the Flint water crisis when he felt a mental nudge, and then a more physical one when he absently asked for a few more minutes to tidy it up.

He gave in when the pseudopod to the shoulder turned into a lick to the face, sputtering a bit in his confusion. 【amusement】

"Vee, what?"

【accomplishment】 《WE [are] DONE ⟨farming/analysis/winnowing/digestion⟩.》

"Whuh?" It took him a minute to get his brain back in gear after the abrupt interruption, but less than it would have without the helpful {highlight reel of the conversation} the symbiote pushed into his brain. "Oh, right. The emotions. For the romance discussion. For the thing you want, the not-tattoo." 【verification】

"Right, okay. So what’re your conclusions?"

It presented a condensed bundle of emotions, and he gasped in both recognition and an uncanny valley sense of otherness, the speed and intensity of it stealing his breath. Some of this was stuff that he knew well, that slotted into places as though upwellings of his own feelings. A deep pool of 〚affection/attachment/appreciation/compassion〛 type feelings that mirrored his own sentiments for Anne, though tempered with a 〚guarded/hurt/offense/distrust〛 that he definitely deserved; but mixed in were just as many feelings that sprung up bright and new and out of place; 〚passion/desire/heat/obsession〛 and 〚nervousness/fluttering/magnetism/pleasure〛 and 〚molten/frantic/clawing/thirst〛 and 〚devotion/tenderness/intimacy/jealousy〛 It all came surrounded by an incongruous 〚sense of self〛 that threw him for a dysphoric loop until Venom managed to excise that portion of the transmission.

Eddie needed to take a moment after that to look down at his flat chest and adjust himself for reassurance. He kind of wished he could talk to The Party Birds about this experience at the next Karaoke night. Maybe dress it up as a drug trip? Whatever; not important right now.

"Yeah, those ones." It was surprisingly affirming to have felt that directly; to be absolutely sure that it wasn’t in his own emotional lexicon, or at least hadn’t come up yet for him if it was. Also rather eye-opening; those were some intense feelings. No wonder they acted so crazy at times, if that’s what people tended to feel. "So that’s what she felt, huh?"

【agreement】 《⟨human-past-host-ally-friend❝ANNE❞⟩ ⟨experienced/generated/oozed/tasted of⟩ 〚compassion-frustration-determination〛 〚nostalgia-fondness-affection〛 AND ⟨residual/banked/denied】 〚attraction/urgency/desire〛 FOR ⟨host-other-self❝EDDIE❞⟩ AND [those plus? or maybe not those and instead]〚heat-pleasure-passion〛〚fluttering-nerves-affection〛〚appreciation-steadiness-convicton〛 FOR ⟨human-ally-friend❝DAN❞⟩ WHILE ❧ bright sparks of thought, handfast tendrils rooting deeply in moist fatty flesh, the anchor connection making the threshold bloom open, pseudopods tasting an ever-shifting array of hormones, a deliciously rich river of thought in your grasp. ☙ 【disdain】 〚molten/frantic/intensity〛 FEELS {the rip of paper, lobster shell between his teeth, a tree grown over a bicycle, a video of lava flowing over a tin of beans which explodes to the tune of pop goes the weasel, foam dripping from a dog’s jowls} AND IS AN ⟨emotion-concept-drive⟩ THAT ⟨dead-human-scientist-enemy-host [of] ⟨dead-symbiote-pastleader-enemy❝RIOT❞⟩ ❝DRAKE❞⟩ [felt]. 【disgust】 WHY [does or did] ⟨[…]❝ANNE❞⟩ FEEL ⟨[…]❝DRAKE❞⟩ ⟨feelings-intentions⟩ FOR ⟨host-other-self/host-body-self❝US❞⟩? 》

"Oh, that’s not- wait, Drake? When would you…" Eddie didn’t think Drake had used himself as a test subject, which meant, "During the fight?"

【confirmation】 《WHEN ⟨host-other-self&symbiote-self❝WE❞⟩ WERE {a fast-forwarded clip of the fight culminating in Venom being torn off of him}, ⟨symbiote-body-self❝WE❞⟩ WERE-》 And here Venom paused to do some 🙗considering/formulating/compiling/writing out/translating/wording🙑 before continuing with 《❧ holdfast aching from being torn from its crevices, threshold suddenly constricting, panicked vulnerability, desperate writhing, the slow burn of oxygen exposure ☙ AND THEN ❧ teeth shearing through biomass, foreign pseudopods preventing escape, acid dissolving structured soma, genetic chains being sucked away, pharyngeal jaws prying open mental walls ☙ AND ❧ a forceful intrusion piercing the psychal membrane; thoughts blurring as the cognitive soup is sucked out hole into a waiting maw; a flailing sapivoral proboscis instinctively finding purchase down the neuro-umbilical channel to the enemy’s host, cognitive soup like lifeblood on probing tongues, collecting data but habitually reluctant to draw upon the ambrosia of an active host for sustenance. ☙》

Eddie’s heart raced in his ears as he processed the transliterated memories. They were visceral and intense and incredibly foreign and maybe a little brain-breaking and wow, even with just the basics there were a lot of new concepts to sift through; he hadn’t even known the symbiote had any permanent body parts other than the holdfast in his brain, the threshold between his reality and their pocket dimension, and the gall-thing that they kept their reserves of biomass in. And then there was the revelation that Venom was reading his thoughts not from the holdfast anchored like roots in his brain -a reality that he’d become accustomed to throughout their association- but instead with a very real and very hungry anteater tongue kept carefully still within the metaphorical ant hive of his mind was-! 【flippancy, disagreement】 Huh?

《❧ fractally branching filaments, tight unmoving burrows through squishy delicate matter, sparks of electricity tingling along sensitive electro receptors, bathing in waves of chemicals each an influx of data ☙{a farmer’s almanac, an old sepia photo with a bunny-eared TV, the harsh discordant screaming of a dialup modem, the howling of wolves}》

"Ah." He blinked, took a breath. "My mistake. You’re listening with the handfast too." 【agreement, satisfaction】 "Glad we got that incredibly relevant aside sorted out." 【amusement, goading】 "Uh-huh, sure."

At least it got him out of the panic spiral he was starting to fall into; which honestly was probably the point more than the correction itself was.

Back to the topic at hand. "So, okay, you were being eaten. After getting ripped out of me by Riot. If it even qualifies as ‘getting ripped out of’ if you were on the outside at the time," he jabbed, to the symbiote’s 【playful offense】. "And while that was happening you… not quite mind-melded, but touched the mind, the mind-scape? of Riot’s host Drake. And you learned that he was feeling lust about…"

《{memories not his own of making a power-play, a cheering crowd, glistening teeth and sinuous black on the silver screen, the burn of muscles after a workout, Carl Sagan describing a black hole, streaks of silver ore, the snap of a nitrile glove, the swoop in his stomach during steep dive on a rollercoaster, being pulled around by his tie, a heeled boot on his back, a deep voice in his head: Riot}》

"Of course. Of course he did. I absolutely did not need to know that about Carleton Drake’s sexual preferences. Why did I need to know that about Carleton Drake’s sexual preferences?"

【apathy, bafflement】

Of course they didn’t understand why he felt weird about that. Whatever. "Right. Okay, well like I said I’m not a bog-standard human. Lust and sexual attraction are part of the standard package that I did not get but that Anne and Drake did. It’s a reproductive drive."

【clarity, understanding】

What had they been worried about again? Oh right. "It’s not about consuming or destroying eachother." 【consternation】 "You guys actually do eat bits of eachother for reproductive purposes, don’t you?." 【confirmation, placidity】 Eddie sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Well it’s not like that for us. Usually, anyway. At least not literally, though I hear it can feel that way at times.

"Anyway, if Anne felt like that, that’s normal. She didn’t actually want to eat me at any point. It’s also okay that I didn’t feel those things towards her. We agreed on most of the aspects of our relationship that we wanted and were willing to compromise on those we didn’t. We were happy with our arrangement until I messed it up, and that’s what matters. Okay?"

【pensive, agreement】

That misunderstanding cleared up, Eddie clapped his hands and moved on, "Now. It doesn’t sound like those were emotions you were familiar with. Right?"

【confirmation】 《WE ⟨experience/taste like/feel/exude⟩ NONE [of that]. EVEN WHAT ⟨human-host-friend&host-other-self&human-enemy-hostofRiot[you all]⟩ {holding hands as a child, splitting a cheesecake, a lot full of identical cars, spot the difference, suspicion when all the test’s answers were C, a cartoon about about snowcoats} WE ONLY ⟨experience/taste like/feel/exude⟩ {a lost and found bin, inhaling boba through a straw, a hand folded to make a duck like shadow on the wall, a bird sitting on a waterbuffalo, watching an episode of FRIENDS, warming his hands over a fire, a woman on TV: what’s the tea, a waiter bringing their meal, a childhood friend’s mother hoisting them onto her shoulders}. 【serenity】 》

《⟨symbiote-self-mind&symbiote-many-scattered❝Klyntar❞group❝WE❞⟩ {The eagle on a coin, a tennis tournament, an adult: when one door closes, a snake with a bulge in its throat nosing an egg} ⟨close/balance/approximate/have/mimic/similar/converge/join⟩

• 〚devotion-protection-subsuming-transcendence-connection [of a hivemind]〛
• 〚testing-submission-usefulness-dependence-frustration [of a subordinate]〛
• 〚cunning-responsibility-dominance-drive-insecurity [of a leader]〛
• 〚alliance-jockeying-competition-collaboration-playfulness [of a packmate]〛
• 〚indulgence-superiority-equanimity-control-distraction [to a host-mind]〛
• 〚safety-shelter-freedom-necessity-correctness [of taking a host-body]〛
• 〚wonder-comfort-ease-serendipity-alignment [of a good host-match]〛
• 〚fear-loneliness-danger-dread-vulnerability [of ostracism]〛
• 〚shame-anxiety-denial-paranoia-fragility [of being wrong/taboo]〛
• 〚enrichment-obsession-release-joy-excitement [of hunting]〛
• 〚curiosity-amusement-focus-satisfaction-anticipation [of toying with prey]〛
• 〚hunger-covetousness-restraint-deprivation-tension [of a treat forbidden]〛
• 〚flirtation-violence-hoarding-ravenous-creation [of mating]〛
• 〚jealousy-curation-feasting-ambivolence-accomplishment [of spawning]〛

《⟨symbiote-self❝WE❞⟩ ⟨picked/chose/created/grew/weeded⟩ THE ⟨memories/feelings/missives/translations/language⟩ WE {the smooth flow of ink, movement to the upper left, sweat on the back of his neck, knocking on a door, his hand held aloft, a musical series of beeps on his phone, a leaf floating down the river, nervously fiddling with his collar, determinedly walking up to his boss} ⟨host-other-self"EDDIE❞⟩ {mitochondria, tattoo, lizards, voting, birthday} BECAUSE [they] ⟨tasted of-looked like-were reminiscent of-related-to-important for⟩ {timelapse of a vine climbing a building, a shaking hand held out for a dog to lick, being invited back to a friend’s place for the first time, a diorama of the four seasons, a warm body next to his, moving a couch up a staircase}.》

"Oh." Eddie felt kind of stupid now. "You don’t feel human stuff at all, except vicariously through me. And you weren’t trying to bring up romance, you meant to bring to mind… growth? progress? And doing so as a pair." Some of the alien emotions it brought up had a familiar… flavour or texture or something to them. Something he wouldn’t have recognized on his own but now that Venom had pointed them out and more or less named them, or at least their usual context, he thought he’d be able to pick out shades of them in the background of Venom’s transmissions. That they had likely been there all along and he hadn’t noticed.

【affirmation, vulnerability】 《BUT〚bonding-attraction-kissing-lust〛 IS A {reading a menu, the clack of dice in his hand, ripping the page of a calendar, paths diverging, a spider ring traded for arcade tickets, shirts hung up in his closet}. 【enthusiasm, anticipation, curiosity】 IS 〚Romance-love-passion-hormones〛 WHAT ⟨host-other-self❝EDDIE❞[you]⟩ ⟨want-intend-plan-consider⟩ FOR {adding a spring roll to a plate, the clack of the mouse as you click install, a preying mantis molting, fighting with clamshell packaging, teacher: who wants to-, dropping a postcard in the mailslot, mitosis?}》

Eddie’s knee-jerk thought was to reject that outright. To say that he didn’t want Venom to change for him, that they were fine the way they were. But that was absolutely a human cultural hangup, and more damningly it was entirely antithetical to the current discussion. Speaking it would only feel like a rejection to Venom, who was tentatively offering the chance to change and evolve and become more together as a unit despite their own species’ hangups. Even if he meant it more as an affirmation than a condemnation, that was not how it would be taken.

Still, he knew that Venom’s feelings - while not the same as his own - were strong and fond. After all, even if he had been unable to feel things from the alien in his brain through weird extra-dimensional telepathy, it would have still been obvious by the very question that had merited this discussion. Venom wanted a relationship with him that was non-traditional in its culture. One in which he was an equal and active part, both of them being joint co-owners of their life and body rather than everything that was Eddie being subservient to Venom. They wanted that so much that they had switched sides, betrayed their own people, and now had voiced just how taboo their feelings and intent were.

They had done that because of him, bared a vulnerable part of themself, and for them he would take this delicately. So instead of regurgitating the automatic human cliche, he instead formulated his opinion in a way that was more germane to the issue at hand. "I feel like our emotions are compatible the way they are. We are both enjoying our partnership, right?" He smiled at the immediate 【corroboration, happiness】. "Yeah, I am too. It’s okay if we feel different things, or if we aren’t feeling something that other people consider important. The only thing that matters for this is us and what we decide we want out of our relationship. So as long as you’re happy feeling what you’re feeling, that’s fine by me. And if that ever changes - for either of us - and we want to feel something different, we can always reconsider and add it to the list of possibilities. But for right now, I think we’re good on that front, yeah?"

【agreement, pleasure, fondness】 "Good. What’s important to me is what you DO feel, and what I feel, and what we want to do about that and have in our relationship. Do you have any thoughts on any of that that you want to share?"

【consideration, openness, self-reflection】《 ⟨symbiote-self❝WE❞⟩ ARE…》 A long pause. 《⟨muddled-heterogenous-confused-mutated-heretical❝TABOO❞⟩ IN OUR ⟨emotions/drives/static/poles/code/direction⟩. NOT ⟨intention-design-supposed to-purpose-rules-expectation-use⟩ {hand held out to a fallen buddy, drinking with co-workers, a paper garland, song: we’re all in this together, the moon in orbit, playful jostling in line, pinky swear, an alligator with a mouth full of babies, petting a cat, cutting out bits of newspaper, Boy Scouts with cookies, a teacher at a blackboard} WITH ⟨host-many-scattered-group⟩ ⟨host-self-mind⟩. SHOULD NOT ⟨ally-friend-human&host-other-self⟩ ⟨cohere/live/be/exist/develop/understand/creep⟩. BUT STILL, ⟨symbiote-self❝WE❞⟩ ⟨experience/feel/saturate/generate/taste like⟩ {organs, fallen leaves, sprinkles, hilighted text, tangential lines, a partially filled crossword, the tear of paper, shoulders rising in a shrug, a badly tuned radio fuzzing in and out, a splattered rainbow, fresh lemon juice}

• 〚connection-usefulness-responsibility-collaboration-jockeying [of ???]〛
• 〚indulgence-correctness-serendipity-vulnerability-excitement [of ???]〛
• 〚curiosity-playfulness-flirtation-frustration-accomplishment [of ???]〛
• 〚ravenous-obsession-covetousness-enrichment-competition[of ???]〛
• 〚feasting-safety-wonder-joy-alignment[of ???] 〛
• 〚devotion-submission-dominance-curation-restraint[of ???]〛》

"Those feel… confusing, but nice. Even if you’re not supposed to be feeling them in that order, or for me. I’m not sure exactly how I feel yet. I think it’s probably harder for me to articulate -or rather convey or express- my emotions than it is for you, but I’ll try. I know that I 〚’appreciation’〛 the company, and I feel 〚’safe’〛 and 〚’playful’〛 with you around. 〚’Affectionate’〛. But definitely 〚’annoyed’〛 and 〚’overwhelmed’〛 at times too. And my feelings will probably change and grow over time, so long as we keep getting along and interacting with each other. And I intend to do so for the foreseeable future.

"So. With all that out of the way. You came to me with this whole "mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" thing. Did you have any ideas on the specifics? Anything in particular that you want or need?"

The symbiote waxes favourably about his tongue, teeth, and guts; his ability to see the colour blue and smell sugar, and a myriad of other things in a hard-to-parse whirl until-

"-wait. What was that? About my skin?"

《⟨membrane/sock/dermis/mask/peel/wall⟩. IF ⟨symbiote-body-self⟩ {copying information from a book, an ant mimic spider, a clam, opening an umbrella, a can of Diet Coke, singsong: monkey see monkey do, pouring batter into a baking tray, signing a contract} ⟨host-body-self⟩. NO [longer] NEED ❧ careful testing of the air’s composition revealing a burning of the dermis, expelling a buffer of nitrogen and carbon dioxide from spiracles along their surface, shoving some of the remaining toxic oxygen into the host before their soma can burn, constant movement shifting-mixing-rotating-recycling of the xenomaterial used in their outer layer, discarding any biomatter left exposed too long and cauterized into immutability ☙ TO ⟨stop-prevent-survive-recover-eliminate⟩ {a rusted car, Judge Doom holding a cartoon shoe: the dip, mustard gas, a letter consumed in a roaring fire, black lungs in an anti-cigarette ad, a person in a hospital bed covered in bandages, petrified wood, a three-legged dog, something about flamingos}.》

There’s no hesitation in Eddie’s mind. "That one. That’s the one we should do."

【dismissal】 《{kicking a rock down the road, an entry at the bottom of a to-do list, scratching absently at a mosquito bite, the tint of sunglasses, teacher: remember to use the buddy system, leaning against a wall, relay baton, McGuyver, B+ in red, a t-shirt with a small hole in it, eggs with a bit too much salt, his own voice: eh good enough, procrastinating homework} SINCE ⟨host-body-self⟩ IS ❧ threshhold pressed tight around a host holding it open wider than it had even been, silky smooth movement of biomass through flesh with no lag or pull, a healthy stockpile compounds that would re-form into safe gasses when discharged from the gall into a more physical reality, holdfast rooted deep in a warm and welcoming embrace ☙ 〚safety, ease, shelter, security, protection, serendipity〛 AND ⟨host-other-self-mind❝EDDIE❞⟩ ⟨accepts-continues-shares-cooperates-mutualism-together⟩》

"I appreciate the sentiment, but we can’t assume that we’ll always be together." Eddie has to barrel through the 【hurt, offense】 but this is important. "It’s not a real choice to stay together if we aren’t safe apart. We have to plan for if and when we’re separated too. If we can stop you from burning or getting poisoned or whatever when you’re exposed to air without a host, I’m all in."

【recoil, despair】

"Hey, no. I’m not rejecting you. Come here." He held his arms out and the symbiote tentatively disgorged a writhing, handsy pool of their soma with a variety of clinging pseudopods for him to hold tightly and rest his head against as he continued in a gentle murmur, "I’m not saying I want to split up or that we won’t last. I want this to work. I’m saying that having a backup plan will make me feel safer even while we’re bonded, and that having the option to be apart at times without danger or punishment makes actively choosing to be together more meaningful to me. You know as well as I do that other people can separate us against our will. 【petulant, huffy】 And even if you take a different host in the meantime, there’s no guarantee the anchor will be good enough to hold the threshhold open with enough extra bandwidth for the carbon dioxide trick."

《EVEN MORE ⟨target-cause-reason-selection-drive⟩ TO {a wall bristling with spears, an ominous rattle near his feet, sports coach: the best defense is a good offense, slicing his thumb open on a knife, a profusion of teeth in his own mouth, Crocodile Dundee with a knife, a sea urchin, a dragon breathing fire}.》

"No. More weaponry won’t guarantee your —our, safety here. It’s more important that you are alive and whole for as long as we need to reunite. I am not okay with you burning until that happens."

【astonishment, embarrassment, gratitude, assent】

Eddie smiled and gave them another squeeze before settling them both back in a more relaxed position on the couch. "That’s settled then. So how do we do this?"

₁ for reference, here is a list of what each set of punctuation marks means.

“Normal quotes for Eddie talking”

[square bracket for eddie’s translation/thoughts]

{curly-bracket for eddie's memories}

❧ tendril|for|symbiote|memories ☙

【for Venom experiencing/sharing emotions】

〚for relayed emotions not currently felt〛

❝bigquotes for verbal names, uppercase❞

⟨pointy bracket-for-combo-concepts⟩

🙗swoop for symbiote action felt through bond🙑

《starting and ending Venom’s dialogue》