Chapter Text
So yeah, it's a fire
It's a goddamn blaze in the dark
And you started it
You started it
So yeah, it's a war
It's the goddamn fight of my life
And you started it
You started it
She didn’t see him at first. The sound of her name being called drew her gaze from her phone to the counter and when she glanced slightly to the side of that, there he was. Taller than she remembered, somehow. Broader. He was wearing jeans held tight to his waist with a brown leather belt, a sky blue button down rolled to the elbows and a pair of horn rimmed glasses that somehow made his sea glass eyes look even more stunning.
Her breath caught and she realized too late that she’d been staring at him, mouth agape, while the barista repeated her name- a little more annoyed than the first time. He was statue still, looking right at her, and they both must have looked insane to anyone in the coffee shop who may have been paying attention.
His lip quirked up the tiniest bit and he waved a small wave that made her giggle. It was awkward and adorable and she waved back even though they were less than 10 feet apart.
“Isabellllll”
The barista drew the last syllable out, staring directly at her as if to say “come get your fucking drink before I throw it across the shop. The fuck is wrong with you?”. She did an awkward half run, half skip and grabbed her latte, apologizing for the delay before turning directly into Conrad’s personal space.
“Maybe I’m wrong but…I don’t think she’s your biggest fan…”
Belly rolled her eyes but smiled before taking a drink.
“It’s not even that busy. I wasn’t like…fucking with their efficiency or something”
He smiled back and she couldn’t help but notice the hint of stubble that lined his jaw. It took everything in her not to reach out and run her fingertips along his face, memorizing the feel.
“How’ve you been? I uh…didn’t expect to see you here”
“Oh, yeah. We um, we just moved back. Or I just moved back I guess. Em’s never lived in Boston before so she’s technically just moved here for the first time, not moved back here…”
He was rambling and it was adorable and sweet and weirdly hot. Maybe she was biased though.
“Oh. Well…that’s cool. I’m sure Adam’s happy. And Jere”
“Yeah I mean, we’ve been here a few weeks and yet to see either of them so…hard to say”
He chuckled and tipped his drink back, long fingers wrapping around the cup in a way that was impossible not to stare at.
“How about you? Laurel told me you’re working on a book?”
The sound of his voice pulled her from obsessively looking at his hand and she nodded, praying her cheeks weren’t flushed in an obvious way.
“Ha…yeah. And regretting it every day”
His head cocked to the side just barely as if to say “how come?” and she sighed before going on.
“Just not sure why I thought writing a whole book would be anything like writing articles. It’s not, by the way. Like at all. Most of my writing sessions involve looking up synonyms and contemplating imposter syndrome”
“I’m sure it’ll be great. New York Times best seller and shit”
“You’re very kind….and a fuckin’ liar”
They both laughed and it wasn’t until two women bumped into Belly that they realized they were right in everyone’s way.
“Shit…guess we’re being incredibly rude. They really are gonna hate me here now”
She stepped out of the way and closer to the door and Conrad followed.
“Who could ever hate you?”
Suddenly she felt like she was going to start crying. Or faint. Maybe both? He’d said those words to her before, back when they still had a chance. That was a lifetime ago. Multiple lifetimes, practically.
“Well uh… I should get going. I have a meeting in just a bit”
By meeting she meant Taylor was planning to FaceTime her and try on dresses for some gala she and Steven were going to that weekend. But Conrad didn’t need to know that.
“Oh yeah, cool. Okay. Um, it was good to see you…Belly. We should catch up sometime now that we’re living in the same city and all”
She could barely stop replaying him saying her name in her head long enough to reply.
“Sure! Yeah, sounds good. My numbers the same”
Before he could say anything else she was pushing the door open, turning halfway around to give another quick wave.
The walk back to her apartment was spent replaying the last time she’d been in the same space as Conrad Fisher.
It had been almost five years ago. She sat next to her Mom in an uncomfortable white folding chair in some pristine establishment in Boston while she watched Conrad get married. The first boy she ever slow danced with. Ever cried over. Ever loved.
“Conrad Beck Fisher, do you take Emmeline Claire Mills to be your lawfully wedded wife from this day forward….”
His “I do” was a knife to her heart.
She watched tears fall from her mother’s eyes, proud and jubilant for her boy and his beautiful bride. It wasn’t fair, but she felt furious. How could Laurel be happy for someone else getting to marry him? Didn’t she know this was what Belly had always wanted- always dreamed of?
She stayed at the reception long enough to see Laurel and Conrad dance their “mother and son” dance and for a quick dance with drunk Jeremiah before she faked a headache and ran to her uber. She didn’t even say goodbye to Conrad- or congratulations. She just left. She had to. She cried the whole way home, each tear another tiny piece of the dream she once had to end up with him. One by one they fell. One by one they disappeared.
Thankfully, living across the country from him and his gorgeous wife meant she hadn’t had to be around them again after that. Laurel gave updates occasionally and Belly pretended to be happy and not devastated, but otherwise she tried to live in a reality where Conrad and Emmeline Fisher didn’t exist.
Now it looked like the universe was done letting her live in a fantasy world. Her worst nightmare was practically at her doorstep.
It was a few days later when he texted her for the first time.
“Hey! If you’re free sometime, would you want to get coffee?”
“This is Conrad, by the way”
She chuckled at him clarifying, as if any version of her would ever delete his number from her phone.
She honestly hadn’t known if he actually meant it when he suggested they hang out sometime. Had she been thinking about it? Hoping for it? Yeah. Of course. But deep down she hadn’t been expecting it.
“I’m basically free all the time. My job is pretending to write a book, remember?”
“Well when would be good for you?”
“You’re the one with the Doctor schedule. When’s good for you?”
“Tomorrow? 10?”
“Works for me. Same spot as the other day?”
“Sure”
They sat across from each other at the wobbly metal table in the coffee shop around the corner from Belly’s apartment. He talked about work and caught her up on Adam’s latest 20 something girlfriend. He mentioned Emmeline, who he always called Em, a couple times in passing and she was grateful he didn’t linger there. She talked about the basic idea for her book and complained about how hard it was coming up with names for fictional characters. A couple hours passed in what felt like minutes and when they left Conrad insisted on walking her home.
They walked side by side while they talked, and at one point her pinky grazed his. She moved it away quickly, trying not to stutter or trip from the jolt that that tiny bit of contact sent through her. A few more steps and his hand brushed hers, the pressure a little more. They kept walking, sides of their hands pressed together, both of them looking straight ahead like if they met eyes some spell would be broken.
“Well….this is me”
She motioned up vaguely as they stood in front of her building. He nodded and neither of them moved.
“Nice place”
It was the most basic looking building possible. You could copy and paste it in any city in the world, that’s how basic it was.
“Uh yeah… I mean, it’s alright. Big windows….so that’s….cool”
“Oh yeah? I love windows. Gotta have natural light”
This might have been the weirdest conversation they’d ever had.
“For sure. Natural light is like… the best”
“Mmhmm”
“Do you…do you wanna see?”
She barely finished the sentence before he was nodding and saying “sure”.
He stood a few steps behind as they made their way to her 3rd floor walk up. Pulling her keys from her bag, she willed her hands to not shake in front of him as she unlocked the door.
When they walked inside he stepped ahead of her, surveying the space. His hands were in the front pockets of his jeans and his shoulders sat a little higher than normal. Was he nervous?
“Yep….so this is it. Pretty uh…pretty standard stuff, ya know?”
He nodded, running his fingers along the spines of her books on a living room shelf.
“It’s cool. Looks like you”
“Oh…thanks”
She hung her purse on a hook by the door and heard him sit down on the couch. She wasn’t really sure what to do now. Were they gonna keep talking? Watch tv? What was this, exactly?
Slowly, she walked into the living room. When she went to pass by him to sit in the chair perpendicular to the couch, his hand swooped out and caught her by the waist. She gasped and stopped, standing completely still while she waited to see what he’d do next.
He pulled gently at her waist until she was situated sideways on his lap. His hand was still on her and her hands folded over each other in her own lap. She was terrified to look at him-unsure what any of this meant.
“Belly….”
It was almost a whisper, and the sound sent a shiver through her body. Her eyes moved toward his at a glacial pace and when she finally got a look at him, her mouth went dry. His pupils were blown wide, his mouth parted slightly as his tongue slid along his bottom lip.
“Conrad… what…. I mean…this isn’t…”
He reached for one of her hands and pulled it to his mouth, pressing small kisses along her fingers and wrist, tongue lapping at her pulse point. A quiet moan escaped her lips and she felt his fingers press into her skin tighter.
“Is this…okay?”
She laughed without thinking, the absurdity of the question settling in.
“You’re the one who’s married, Conrad…”
“I know…. I know. But…I just can’t stop thinking about you. Not since the other day. I just…. I just need….”
And she understood. She needed him too. It’s all she’d been able to think about since the moment she saw him in the coffee shop. Her head dipped and their lips met, frantic and hungry. She didn’t think she’d ever feel his tongue in her mouth again and the weight of it was driving her insane.
In the blink of an eye she was straddling him with her shirt pulled up and bra pulled down so he could lick and bite at her nipples. She thanked the universe that she wore a skirt as he pushed it up her thighs and over her hips, fingers sliding beneath her soaked panties to push inside of her.
Her hands fumbled with his belt, then zipper, before he lifted his hips slightly so she could push his jeans and boxers down to the middle of his thighs. She wrapped her hand around his cock and the noise he made was so perfect she thought for a second she could probably come from that alone.
In one quick motion he was inside of her and she was riding him like her life depended on it. He pulled her in by the small of her back, burying his face between her breasts, mouth open and spit streaking across the soft skin there. Her hands pulled at his hair and cupped his jaw so she could open his mouth for her tongue to slot into. He gripped her hips so hard she thought it would probably leave a mark and silently prayed it would. His hips thrust into her as he whispered filthy, gorgeous words into her ear.
“Forgot how incredible your tight little pussy feels”
“I dream of making you come, baby”
“Use me. Take anything you want. I’m yours”
“No one makes me come harder than you, Belly”
“My perfect girl”
She comes with his teeth tugging at her earlobe and felt euphoric when his thrusts started to get erratic. Her hips pressed down harder against him and she pulled back so she could look at his beautiful face as he fell apart.
When he comes inside of her, the sensation of his cock pulsing and twitching is better than anything she’d ever felt before. The feel of his come dripping out of her was enough to get her off again, and when he ran his thumb over her clit she did just that.
They stayed like that for awhile, her slumped against him, head in the crook of his neck as he ran his hands down her spine.
Awhile later, while they pulled their clothes back on and straightened them it really hit her what they’d done. She watched Conrad’s face, waiting for some sign of panic. It didn’t come. He was composed and calm as he buckled his belt and ran a hand through his hair in a way that made her want to strip him back down on the spot.
“That’s the only time, okay? I can’t. We can’t”
She nodded and he gave a quick smile. When he walked out her front door and glanced back, she knew that they both knew they were full of shit.