Chapter Text
Will thinks this might be the most awkward meal he's ever had. It's definitely in the running, anyway. Mr and Mrs Wheeler are sitting on either end of the table. Holly sits across from him and they both have an empty seat next to them.
They seemed to exhaust any topics of conversation rather quickly. There is only so much interest Will can feign in Holly's favorite cartoon or Mr Wheeler's day at work before his responses wear thin. For the last five minutes, the only sounds Will has heard have been the scraping of cutlery against china and the cursing of Mike Wheeler's name in his head.
Most people have plans on a Friday night. It wouldn't be the first family meal that Mike has skipped out on, but he'd normally have the courtesy to tell someone first. Tonight, however, Mike had left Will to fend for himself.
Nancy, at least, had told her mom over breakfast she'd be hanging out with Robin tonight. If Will had known, if Mike had just told him, he could have come up with an excuse to make himself scarce, too. Even if that meant hiding out in the woods. Anything would be better than trying to make small talk with Mike's parents over casserole.
"Are you Mike didn't say anything to you?" Mrs Wheeler asks, frowning at the empty seat beside him.
Will shrugs. "No, sorry. When I saw him at lunch, he told me he'd see me at home." Mr Wheeler frowns at that. Will's cheeks heat a little and he looks down at his plate.
He knows he's overstaying his welcome. Hell, he did that in the first 18 months they stayed here. But it feels more obvious now it's just him. His mom and Jonathan had officially moved to the cabin over two months ago, not long after the wheelers had come home from the hospital. Will planned on joining them, but when Mrs Wheeler had learned that he'd be sleeping in the living room until Jonathan went to college, she had put her foot down. So Will stayed here, camping out in the Wheeler's basement until the end of the school year. Much to Mr Wheeler's dismay, and Mrs Wheeler's delight.
Mrs Wheeler had always liked Will. When they were younger, it had driven the other two boys mad that Will was the obvious favorite of Mike's friends. It wasn't rocket science. He was quiet and polite. He always tidied up after himself (unlike Lucas) and never swore (unlike Dustin) and, he always said please and thank you (unlike Mike).
Plus, he was over so often as a kid. After school, when his Mom picked up another late shift. A sleepover on the weekends when things got tense at home. Will knows that Mrs Wheeler knew about Lonnie, about his drinking and his angry hands. He could see it in her face, in her gentle voice. Pity.
Will didn't mind. He liked the softness. That was part of the problem, according to Lonnie. But Will tried not to care what he thought. He felt safe here. He let Mrs Wheeler mother him in a way Mike was never willing to. He liked that it made her happy.
Holly starts to giggle, and it pulls Will back to the table. He's happy to hear the sound. It's still somewhat a rarity at the moment.
"He could be with a girl." Holly says, the words stretched and teasing. The room is quiet for a long, drawn-out moment. Her smile droops a little when she realizes no one is returning it.
Mrs Wheeler looks away from the empty chair, down at her plate. "No, Honey. I don't think he is."
After everything, Nancy and Joyce had sat Mrs Wheeler down and filled her in properly. Sure, she had a good idea after Holly was taken. She had been as close to a Demo as the rest of them, still had the scars to prove it. But her knowledge of the Upside Down, on what Nancy and Mike had gotten themselves involved in over the last few years, was patchy.
She didn't know that Will hadn't just gone missing. That Barb didn't die from a chemical leak. Or that Hawkins splitting into four wasn't just an earthquake. She didn't know about the little girl hiding in her basement all those years ago or what she had been hiding from. She didn't know that she had helped them save Holly and the other kids, before choosing not to save herself.
She deserved to know. That Mike's Cali girl hadn't just been some teenage romance. It was only fair, considering her son hadn't been to visit her in three weeks. After he'd watched the love of his life die right in front of him, Mike had barely left his bed.
Those first few weeks after the gate had closed were… hard. For all of them. They're still kind of fuzzy for Will. But he remembers trying to stick together, trying to wade through the grief with the others. He remembers how Mike just sort of disappeared. Right in front of them. Out of reach. Until one day, he seemed to pack up all of his grief, tuck it away and carry on. Still of of reach, but solid again.
According to Nancy, it was Mrs Wheeler who told Mr Wheeler, who has been surprisingly good about it all. He guesses that being brutally mauled by a Demogorgon, and living to tell the tale, changes a person.
"Where is he then?" Holly says, eyes flitting between her Mom and Dad. "He's okay, right?"
"Of course he is, baby." Mrs Wheeler tells her with a thin smile. She reaches a hand out to Holly, brushing the soft slope of her shoulder.
"He's probably just lost track of time, dear. Maybe he caught a movie after class?" Mr Wheeler says, shrugging lightly. He looks between his wife and Holly with a small, placating smile. It might be the kindest thing Will has ever heard him say, and he can't help his jaw dropping a little. Will goes to look at Mike, at the seat next to him, only to find it still empty. Right. Will's stomach twists.
Mike going out at night wasn't a new thing. But usually it was later, much later. He normally waited until everyone in the house was asleep. Well, almost everyone. The ceiling of the basement was basically non-existent. There wasn't much that could get past Will when he was down there. Certainly not Mike. Will tried to talk to him about it once, but he chickened out before the conversation got anywhere. Mike would come to him, if he wanted Will's company. And he hadn't.
But. Tonight felt different. Will couldn't help but worry, trying to avoid staring at his empty chair again. Something starts to settle over Will's shoulders, pulling them tighter.
Mike had been quiet today. Will had thought it was just because of Max. It had been her first full day back at school, and the entire Party was fit to burst with nerves. It felt too soon and too late at the same time. She was still healing, still having to spend most of her day in a wheelchair, but she was adamant she would be graduating alongside them. No matter what.
Will knows Mike was just as nervous as the rest of them. Mike might like to pretend that he's not a fan of Max, but they all know the truth. They had all seen his face the first time he'd seen her in that hospital bed.
"Thanks for dinner, Mrs Wheeler," Will says, pushing his chair back and taking his plate to the sink. He turns back to the table and smiles at the three of them. He's not sure any of them buy it. "I'm gonna go and see if I can find him. You're right, he's probably just..." he trails off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. Mike's just what? Watching a movie on his own? Grabbing a milkshake? Will can feel his stomach twist even tighter, can feel the food settling uneasily.
Mrs Wheeler looks at him, eyes soft. "No, Honey, you don't need to-"
"It's fine." Will shakes his head, cutting her off. He tries to make his smile sturdier. "I could do with the fresh air."
That, at least, isn't a lie.
Will is methodical. He always is, when he's trying not to panic. Like the time he broke Jonathan's favorite cup, and he had lined up all the pieces on the counter in size order. It didn't make confessing any easier, but at least he could see the wreckage he'd cause laid out neatly in front of him. The cup, like most things in Will's life, was beyond saving. It didn't stop him from using a whole tube of superglue trying to fix it, though. Will has never been any good at knowing when to give up on a lost cause.
He just needs to be methodical. Logical. If he just thinks about the next step in whatever plan he has, rather than about what happens when it all goes to shit (because, really, when does it not?), he can still breathe. His chest doesn't feel like it's going to cave in, and his hands won't shake and he can try to fix whatever mess he's created. With some superglue. Or a paintbrush and a stuttering, painful confession. So that's what he does now.
He rides past the high school first, checks if Mike's bike is still there. It's not. So, he tries the movie theater next and then the general store and then the diner. Each place less likely than the last. No luck. It's not that he thought he would actually find Mike at any of these places. But where else could he be? The rest of the party all have plans tonight and it's not like they would just hang out without Will. Right?
The conversation at the dinner table keeps rattling around his head. What if Holly was right? What if Mike is with a girl? What if that's where he's been sneaking off to in the middle of the night? What if he's at her house right now and her parents are away and they're making out in her room? What if he's got his hands in her hair or on her waist or-
Methodical. Will is being methodical. He knows there no girl. There can't be. Not after her.
But still, where the hell is he? It's March and it's freezing and Will was really hoping Mike was going to be holed up somewhere warm. But those possibilities are dwindling quick. He's struggling to think any options that aren't bad. Like alternate-dimension bad.
If anyone knows where he is, it's Will, right? Wrong, obviously. If that was the case, he wouldn't be riding around the streets of Hawkins at 10:30 at night without a clue. Will used to be able to read Mike like the back of his hand. He knew him better than he knew himself, at times. But now, Will is starting to feel like he knows Mike less and less with each passing day. Maybe he should just radio Lucas. Hell, maybe he should try Nancy.
Things were supposed to get better. They are better. Kind of. Life is different than it was six months ago in a lot of ways. Namely the lack of military quarantine and whole not-so end of the world thing. Plus, Will isn't being possessed by a dark entity anymore and the town's children haven't been kidnapped by some otherworldly Pied Piper. These are all very clearly good things.
But. Will misses it sometimes. The way all the chaos pushed him and Mike closer together, forcing a level of proximity that Will couldn't help but relish. Even if he shouldn't. Even if it makes him a very bad person.
Now? Well. Will feels further away from Mike than he has since he came back from California.
It's stupid. He cringes at the notion now, but he thought something was happening between them. He thought there were signs, okay? Like Robin had told him. Heavy looks over morning coffee, hips pressed together whilst they brushed their teeth. A dark, potent feeling in his chest when Mike said his name in that scratchy morning voice. But Will, as always, was just being an idiot. A selfish one. Mike had a girlfriend. Will's sister.
It doesn't really matter anymore, Will thinks. Whatever static he had been stupid enough to think had been building between the two of them before the final battle had been wiped out completely. Along with the Upside Down. Along with his sister, Mike's girlfriend, and Jesus Christ, there was something seriously wrong with him to even be thinking about his stupid crush when she was-
His final stop before finally admitting defeat is the quarry. Naturally, he finds Mike here.
Will had never liked the quarry. Before everything, he'd been too young to see the appeal OF the parties the high school kids would throw there. Sure, it was pretty in its own way. The water was a deep, endless blue, and in summer it almost glowed against the pale stone. But the jagged edges of rock and sheer drop into the water made him feel uneasy. Will had always thought that the lake was far better for swimming, anyway.
Then, they found his body there. His fake body, planted by the government, in an attempt to cover up the fact that he was actually lost in a wormhole (what the actual fuck was his life?). After that, they had all tried to keep their distance from the place. It didn't bother Will the same way it did the others. Sure, it was creepy, but the whole concept didn't have the same effect when it was second-hand.
Will didn't mind staying away. It seemed like an easy way to make people around him happy. Dustin told him once the place made him feel nauseous and Will knows Lucas always used to avoid it when biking to and from the hospital to see Max. He is pretty sure his mom and Jonathan would kill him if they knew he was here.
The only person who remained unfazed was, as always, Mike Wheeler.
He doesn't seem to notice Will when he arrives. The sound of Will's tires on the gravel is jarring in the silence, but Mike doesn't react, doesn't move or lift his head. He just stays facing the water with his arms wrapped around his legs. His school bag, a worn-out backpack, is tucked next to him and his bike is resting against a nearby tree.
Will stands, still halfway perched on his bike and waits for a long moment. Nothing changes.
"Aren't you cold?" Will says, eventually. He can feel the wind bite the tips of his ears where his hat has slid down.
Mike shrugs like his shoulders are heavy. "Not really."
Will lifts off his bike and places it next to Mike's. He walks over to him and sits down, lifting his legs to mirror the other boy's stance. Will turns to look at him. Mike keeps his eyes on the water. His jaw looks tight Will notes, his eyes tracing the sharp line from ear to chin. His nose is pink but his lips are pale, pulled down in a slight frown, matching his furrowed brow.
Mike looks like he does when he's focusing on a tricky math question or when he's trying to patch up a plot hole Dustin has pointed out in one of his campaigns. It's not happy, exactly. But it's not devastated either. In any case, it's better than the look he'd had stuck on his face six months ago.
He's wearing a hat at least. Will can see his curls all tangled up underneath, poking out against his nape. Will takes off his scarf and thinks about wrapping it around Mike's throat, tucking it into his jacket. He wonders if his fingers would feel cold against his collar bones, if Mike would shiver at his touch. Will decides to place it on top of Mike's propped-up knees instead.
Mike looks away from the water and stares down at the scarf. He takes two long breaths. "Thanks." He says, once he has wrapped it around his neck. He keeps one end twisted around his fingers. Will watches, transfixed. He thinks about pulling the fabric loose. About grabbing Mike's wrist and placing it on the back of his head, so his fingers could twist around the hair there. If he wanted.
"How long have you been out here?" Will asks, tucking his own hands under his arms, hoping to stop the lingering temptation still thrumming in his fingertips.
"I don't know," Mike says. "A while?"
"Since school?"
Mike shrugs. "Kinda."
Will waits. He finds that in moments like this, it's always best to let Mike break the silence himself.
"I got detention," Mike says, after a while. "I gotta get mom to sign the slip, and I know that I'll get a lecture about it." He sighs, long and heavy. "Nancy's not home tonight so the lecture will just turn into a full-blown argument, and I just. I don't think I can do that right now."
"What happened?" Will asks, starting to bite at his lip.
"I told Mark Fisher to go fuck himself. Mrs Sanchez heard and asked me to apologize. And I wouldn't, so."
"Jesus, Mike," Will says, shocked. Maybe he shouldn't be, considering.
Mike has always been outspoken. Direct, if you ask Dustin. An ass, if you ask Max. He's not afraid to share his opinion, with his friends or his family or anyone who might listen, actually. When they were kids, he'd be the first to speak up, always ready to give back whatever the bullies might hand him. Even if they were bigger or meaner. Especially if the insults concerned Will. He has always loved that about him.
As the boys had gotten older, they had all mellowed a bit. Mike, however, seemed to even out in a way the others hadn't managed to yet. He wasn't as impulsive as Dustin. Nor as impatient as Lucas. Not as emotional as Will.
The stress of the last few years affected him in a way it didn't the others. Sure, he'd still whine over the small things. Still have some witty, scathing remark for the douches as school. But nothing seemed to faze him in the same way. Will is not sure if it was a good thing.
He kept his cool much longer than them, when faced with the suffocating quarantine rules. He stayed focused on the crawls even when everyone else lost hope. Hell, his parents were near death and his little sister was missing and he still managed to build the damn bomb that ended the whole thing.
But these last few months, he's gotten sharp again. More severe. He's been quicker to bite with Nancy or Dustin. His bickering with Lucas has become a daily occurrence again. He's still gentle with Holly, though. And when he wasn't ignoring him, gentle with Will too.
Mike shrugs again. Will thinks at this point, his shoulder might be the only part of him that hasn't frozen solid.
"He deserved it. He's lucky I didn't punch him." He lowers his voice a little. "He was talking about Max. Some shitty joke about her wheelchair."
"Oh," Will says with a frown. "Well, he sounds like he was being a total asshole." Mike keeps looking at his lap. Will pushes his shoulder into Mike's, smiling. "I never thought I would see the day you were defending Max Mayfield's honor."
At that, Mike seems to wake up. He lets out a big, dramatic sigh and puts his head in his hands, the bones in his neck cracking from the sudden movement. "God, don't tell her, she'll kill me." He says, muffled through his palms. Will lets out a small laugh and Mike turns his head to look at him. Finally.
When Mike looks at him properly like this, Will finds it hard to breathe. It's like everything gets caught in his throat. He can feel Mike's gaze drag over his face, searching. It burns, even in the cold.
Sometimes, it feels like Mike spends all his time either avoiding looking at Will or never looking away. It's confusing. It feels like whiplash because Will can't breathe either way. His whole circulatory system has gotten tangled up with Mike's eyes, his lashes and the dark smudges underneath them.
Will knows, deep down, it's all in his head. That he is overthinking every look Mike gives him. He has to be. Mike, always painfully oblivious, hasn't got a clue about the grip he has on Will's heart. And he certainly isn't spending time thinking about looking at Will. In reality, Mike probably spends most of his time thinking about his dead girlfriend, who he will never get to look at again. That thought stops any heat in its track, as it often does for Will.
"I won't. Even though I would love to see her face, if she did find out."
Mike looks away, rolling his eyes, and stretches his legs out until they're crossed in front of him. His knee feels hot against Will's thigh.
"It's only detention, Mike. I feel like your mom would understand if you explained."
"Yeah, maybe. But it's just another thing I've screwed up isn't it? On top of everything else. Jesus, this year has been hard enough for her and dad." He pulls at a loose thread on his jeans. "They worry about Nancy and me. They worry about Holly. We all do." He swallows, keeping his head down. "She's still having nightmares. Still won't eat at school sometimes. They're talking about taking her to see someone. A shrink. I know they're trying to help, in their own way. I mean, Dad has even been helping Holly with her math homework. I don't want to add to their shit."
Will doesn't know what to say. He can feel something sharp in his throat. Tries to swallow it away. Maybe Mike was never as steady as Will thought. Maybe he was just better at shoving it down than the rest of them.
Mike looks back at Will for a long moment before looking up at the sky, still searching. "I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like I make everything worse, you know? Everyone else is trying to move on, and I'm just… stuck. It feels like I am just sort of playing the same day over and over. Wake up. Go to school, try not to lose my damn mind. Go home. Try to be normal. Try to sleep. Then wake up and do it all over again. I don't know."
Mike pulls his legs in closer again, hugging them to his chest and closes his eyes. He looks so young. Lost. It makes Will's bones ache. He wonders, suddenly, when was the last time he ate? Doesn't know how to ask him that. He tries to think back to lunch today but he can't seem to focus on Mike's tray, too caught up in catching Max up on silly gossip she'd missed. Guilt squeezes him tight.
Mike's eyes open and find his. When he speaks again, his voice is raw. "We thought the world was gonna end. It nearly did. We nearly died. We watched our town split itself in four and then stitch itself back together again. And now what? I'm just supposed to forget all of that and start working on my SAT scores?"
Will tries to smile, reassuringly. He can feel it cracking at the edges. "I don't think it's about forgetting. I don't think any of us could forget." He swallows, trying not to stutter, keeps his voice gentle. "I just think it's about doing it despite all of that, you know? Like, all of that happened and it should have killed us… We should have died but we didn't. We survived. So now we have to carry on."
Mike's voice wobbles a little when he speaks. "But we didn't all survive, did we?"
Will looks away. He can feel it all again, then.
The tug of his jacket, raw against his skin, as the soldiers hold him back. The burn in his muscles as he tries to fight them off. The ache of his throat as he screams her name. The awful, desperate sounds of Mike, Hop, all of them. Begging for her to stay. The ringing in his ears. The taste of bile, of blood, filling his mouth.
The sight of her. Alone. Terrified.
Mike speaks again and it brings him back to the quarry. To the quiet. "You know I jumped off here once?"
Will shakes his head, tries to escape her again. "What?"
"It was when you were… gone. Remember, I told you about when she made Troy piss himself at school? Well, he cornered Dustin and me here after. Told me to jump. Threatened to fucking cut Dustin's teeth out, if I didn't. Jesus, he was crazy."
"So you… jumped?" Will asks, looking back at him.
"Yeah," Mike says, nodding. "Didn't really have a choice, did I?"
"That was." Will swallows. "Wow, Mike. I didn't know that."
"It was stupid. I would have died."
Will grabs his arm, turns Mike to face him. "It was brave. You risked your life for him. What happened? How did you-"
"Well, she saved me in the end, didn't she? Like she always did." Mike says, eyes stuck on Will's hand where he's holding his jacket. He looks up at Will's face for a brief moment before looking away. Then in a low, mean voice, "Not anymore though. They say the second time's a charm, right?"
Something heavy pulls at Will's gut. He can feel a white, hot panic shoot up his spine. He tugs on Mike's arm. "Mike. That's not funny."
"I know." Mike nods, facing away. He's smiling, but it's empty.
Will's face hardens.
"Is this where you have been going? When you leave the house?" Will asks, voice tight and scornful. He can feel his heart throb painfully against his ribs, the panic wrapping itself around him. "You come and sit here in the middle of the night and what? Think about… jumping?"
Mike must hear the shakiness, the anger, in his voice because he turns to look at him again. His smile drops.
"Yeah." Mike says, blinking at him. "No. I-I mean, yes, I come here just to think, Will. Not to- I don't think about doing that."
Will looks away, shaking his head.
"You can't come back here on your own again, okay?"
Mike scoffs. "Will, I wasn't being serious."
He tugs on Mike's jacket again, firmly. "I don't care." He says, his voice hard. Takes a breath. Tries again, softer. "Promise me Mike, that you won't. Please."
Mike's frowning at him, searching his face again. He places his hand on top of Will's. "Okay, I promise, alright? I won't come back here. Not on my own."
Will feels scared. And really fucking stupid. Why didn't he notice? He thought Mike was okay. He thought he was doing better than the rest of them. He thought the sneaking out and the blank stares and the steady, building anger were just, what? Some delayed teenage rebellion? A natural consequence of the last 5 years? It had been a relief compared to those first few awful weeks. When Mike had been hollowed out. But now he knows he was wrong. Mike isn't better.
Will feels a sting in is eyes. He looks down and tries to blink it away. It seems to settle in his throat, instead, making his voice unsteady. "You don't get to leave like that. You don't get to go where I can't follow."
"Hey, I know," Mike says, soft. He lowers his gaze to meet Will's again. His thumb traces the thin skin on Will's wrist, trying to soothe. "It's okay. You're right, okay? I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere."
They sit like that for a while. In the quiet, the dark wraps around them. Will's hand still gripping Mike's jacket. Mike's fingers hot against Will's skin. Their faces are close, hot breath fogging up the space between.
He desperately wishes for more. Even now. Even after Mike has spilled his own heart in a way he hasn't since they were kids. Will can't help wanting more. He's so, horribly selfish. He thinks it might be in his bones. Or his DNA. The dark, rancid parts he got from Lonnie.
It's there that Will decides. At that damn quarry, the place that nearly took them both. He is done being selfish. He's done with the darkness taking the people he loves. One was enough. He won't let it happen again. He will do whatever he has to, to make Mike happy. To make sure he survives his fucking town. That he gets out and never looks back. Even if it means Will destroys himself in the process.
"You're freezing, Mike." Will says, when he trusts his voice to stay even. He lets go of the jacket and Mike's hand falls away too. "Come on, we should head back. Your mom and dad are worried about you."
He stands up and Mike follows, slow and stiff. He lifts his arms above his head, stretching.
"They're gonna be pissed, you mean." Mike says, halfway through a yawn.
"Worried." Will insists, walking over to his bike. He looks back at Mike with an eyebrow raised. "They're not gonna be pissed because you were with Hop, helping out at the cabin and you lost track of time. And Hop's generator is still cutting out so you couldn't ring to let them know. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Mike says, nodding. He sighs again, but it's lighter and there's a small smile on his lips. "I've still gotta tell them about the detention, though. I'm gonna need Mom's signature."
Will shakes his head. "Lucky for you, your best friend is a whiz when it comes to forging signatures. Especially your Mom's."
"What?" Mike says, eyebrows raised in shock.
Will shrugs, trying not to smirk. "Nancy has asked me to copy it a few times. For a fee, of course."
Mike lets out a low whistle. Will thinks it might be the hottest thing he's ever heard. Jesus Christ. "No way. I can't believe it. You kept that quiet, didn't you?"
"As if Nancy wouldn't kill me if I told you." He says, snorting. He lifts one leg over his bike and sits down on the seat. "Anyway, I don't want to reveal all my secrets now, do I?"
Mike barks out a laugh and climbs onto his bike. "Will Byers, a man of mystery."