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THIS DOCUMENT WAS PRODUCED INTERNALLY IN PANDORA’S VAULT PRISON. THE COMMUNICATION OF ANY INFORMATION HELD INSIDE IS CRIMINAL. BY READING THIS DOCUMENT, YOU CONSENT TO INVOLUNTARY COMMITMENT TO PANDORA’S VAULT PRISON AT THE WARDEN’S DISCRETION.
Dear Tommy,
Well, that’s something I’ve never said to you. ‘Dear’ Tommy. You are dear to me — I hope you know that. Dear, but out of my reach. This was all for you — all to bring things back to the way they were. All because I care about you.
You’re hurt, and Sam said writing you a letter might help, that you might visit again if I did. Sam says he doesn’t think you’ll ever come back, but I don’t think you could do that to me — you know how much it hurts to be alone, but at least I was there for you. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to return the favour?
Sam and I have talked about you, did you know that? You’re pretty much the only thing we talk about. You’re the thread that connects both of us now, even though I’ve known him for longer than I’ve known you. You bring people together, and that pulls them apart. It’s not your fault, but you break things.
That’s something I wanted to write to you about. When I revived you (brought you back from the dead, saved you, etc.) I didn’t do it to break you. When I killed you, I didn’t do it to break you. You make me feel a lot of things that I don’t usually feel — not romantic, but deeper. Despite what you might thing, I don’t like you better broken. More than anything, Tommy, I want you by my side. Why do you run away from me, Tommy? Why do you hide and yell and argue back? With you by my side, we could bring the server together. We could fix everything. But you’re selfish But you’re hurting, and I can make it stop.
I could even bring Wilbur back, I could share you, Tommy.
You won’t do that, though, will you? Because you think I’m some monster, that I’m doing this all because I’m evil and because I hate you. I love you, Tommy. I love you, because you’re not just Tommy: you’re the entire server. There were eight of us here, Tommy, and then there was you. And then it became so much bigger than anyone could ever have predicted, and all because you were there. Things got out of control, we both know that, but every success and every downfall was because of you. Every downfall was because of you, fighting against me. If you were with me instead of against me, like in exile, everything would be perfect. We could have peace like before you got here, but better, because you’d be there.
This place isn’t the Tommy SMP or the Tubbo SMP — I’ve told you before, it’s the Dream SMP. This server needs me, Tommy. It needs my guidance, just as much as it needs you. You create attachment on this server, you keep people tied here. Attachments are useful. We could do so much if you listened to me.
So, Tommy, I don’t want to break you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to change you. I love you, Tommy. I love every Tommyism, and I want it by my side like I want my own heart in my chest. I want you like I want air in my lungs. I’m suffocating without you. Without you, I die. And I know you’re hurting, too. I know how every day feels like a living hell. I know how you feel alone, I know how you feel in pain and unloved and like everyone’s moving on without you. And that’s because as much as you get people to stay, you get people to stay because I’m there, as well. Without us, this server will be nothing. How many people are you willing to lose before you accept this? Tubbo’s all but abandoned you; Ranboo hardly knows where they are. How much misery are you going to cause before you accept the truth?
I’ve thought of the things that I want to do to you if you get out. I’ve thought of all the ways I want to make you hurt like I’m hurting now, because you left me to rot in here. You did this to me, when all I wanted to do was to make things better. I’m sorry if I hurt you but that was never my intention. I never meant to hurt you; I just needed to get you to do what’s right.
You don’t understand some things just yet — you don’t know why I do what I do, because you haven’t ever been where I am. What would you do if everyone was leaving you, even the ninth player to join your server? What would you do if he started to call you a tyrant and said he hated you? I never wanted to have to get involved, but what you and Wilbur had wasn’t healthy. Tommy, he manipulated you, he dragged you away from me with promises of a country that you could have made for real with me. You’re not a kid anymore — you’re seventeen, practically an adult. Yes, you’ve always been mature, but I know you’ll understand it more now, more than Wilbur ever could: we could do so many things together; I don’t know why you let Sam keep me here.
Tommy, when I saw you with everyone, uniting everyone, you know what I felt? Pride. You did that — you got everyone together. You united them, in our game.
Our game. Prime, just thinking about it stops me being able to focus. That’s my favourite thing about you — you always want to play. ‘What will I do today? Burn down George’s house? Grief Badboyhalo’s house?’ and I will, too: ‘I’ll dig up all the floor around Tommy’s base, I’ll smack him around a little.’ and no harm done. You’re stronger than letting some game mess you up. And all this playing around with L’manberg, though I know even now you can’t admit it, it was never serious. Remember how you hung out with me before battles, and you played with my sister? Enemies don’t do that. Whether you like to admit it or not, we’re friends in this game. And I know you’d never pass up the opportunity to play again.
Honestly, Tommy, before I met you, I’d never have believed Schlatt when he offered me the revival book. But when I saw it, a book that could bring people back to life, I wasn’t thinking about bringing back my Mom, or my Dad, or any friend I’ve ever had; I was thinking about you, and keeping you alive. I raised the stakes after that — in hindsight, you can understand. Because what’s the issue in smacking you around, if you’ll come right back? What’s the issue in letting you hit me, stab me, slash at me (not that you could beat me alone though) if I can come back to life? And one day, Tommy, I’ll make you immortal. That’s a promise.
Our game will go beyond the boundaries of life and death as we rule over the Dream SMP. What does a small war here or there do, in the endless existence of time? See, Tommy: I don’t want to break you, because that would be no fun. A war every now and then is just what this server needs. It keeps it alive. That’s why everyone’s leaving — because me and you aren’t playing. Maybe I like how you run. Maybe I like the chase, having to pull you back to my side. Maybe I like how you’re not like Sapnap, George and the rest. I think I’ll let them die. Because I don’t need them like I need you. Any citizen can do what they do: fight by my side, keep the people in line… But none of them can bring people apart because you bring people together in the way you do. You’re so much better than them that it’s nauseating.
I hope that you’ll come by but if not, Sam lets me receive letters. I want to know how you feel. I care about you, Tommy.
Visit soon,
Your dearest,
Dream