Chapter Text
I wish I could tell you anything about who I was. I can’t for reasons I’ll get into later, but at least I can tell you what I was doing. I had applied to my local college after my gap year to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Got accepted, thankfully, despite my less than stellar grades. I moved into the dorm because the college was too far to reasonably commute - I did make sure to say goodbye to my family, at least temporarily - I met my roommates; they’re nice enough, but I didn’t imagine myself talking with them much outside of class. I moved into my room and dumped my stuff, sufficiently settled in for the long four years of my computer science degree. I got to know my roommates a bit better, finding out they all also played a gacha game I had recently gotten into, Honkai: Star Rail. I endured them roasting my terrible account before advising me to pull on the next banner and actually start spending my saved power to build my characters. Got to laugh at one of my roommates losing their 50/50 on the banner I was told to pull. I shocked myself when I won two 50/50s on a single pull on said banner. Eugh, sorry about my rambling. Main idea: my roommates are nice and I hoped college would go well.
It was two weeks before the semester started when The Incident™ happened.
I woke up to my phone alarm blaring. The first of many, I ruefully thought. I had decided to start getting my sleep schedule fixed for college early since it had been terrible for my entire gap year. One of the many changes to my life I’d need to make if I wanted to make something of myself.
Bleh, it still sucks. I just turned off the alarm and stayed in bed. Well, I tried to do that, but for some reason I couldn’t reach my phone on my nightstand. Weird, I had put it there from my bed last night just fine? Then it hit me: I had purposefully moved my nightstand out of reach to force me out of bed to turn off my alarm. I try to just sleep anyway but the alarm is just too annoying. God dammit, past me. Why did you have to be so responsible?
With a sigh, I throw off the covers and get up for real, walking over to the nightstand to finally shut up the alarm. This was probably the first time I’ve gotten up at 8am in over a year. I’m tired as fuck. Regardless, I turned on the light in my room and got a move on, but paused as I looked at myself in the mirror.
I certainly do not remember having bright pink hair that went to my shoulders. I do not remember having red lifeless eyes that bore into the souls of man and beast. And I certainly do not remember being physically smaller.
…do I, though? I put a dainty hand to my soft cheek and gave myself a pinch. Ow. That hurt. This certainly feels real then.
Okay, deep breaths. Think about this rationally. Let’s start with reviewing what I know about myself:
My name is ████.
I’m a 20 year old girl that’s 5 '5 tall.
My birthday is March 7th.
I have shoulder length pink hair with two tails reaching down my back along with red eyes.
I’m soon to start attending college for a computer science degree.
I’m currently living in the nearby dorm with my roommates ████, █████, and █████.
My family consists of my dad ████, my mom █████, and my sister ████. Oh, and my dog ████. The goodest boy.
Staring in the mirror, I look like a perfect copy of Evernight from Honkai: Star Rail. In my pajamas.
This.
This isn’t good.
At all.
I know absolutely nothing about myself, who my family was, or even who my roommates are. This isn’t just not good, this is actively bad. Very bad. I’ve suffered some kind of selective memory loss from the fact that I can’t remember specific details about myself and my life. On top of that, I look like Evernight.
Rational thinking stops and gives way to pure panic, despair, flailing, crying, non-stop negative emotions. I simply can’t process the fact that I’ve forgotten everything about my identity and everything about my family. I miss them. I miss them dearly, but I can’t even remember their faces or voices or names. I can’t even remember my own name, my own voice, my own body, my entire identity has been erased from my mind and replaced by a video game character. Why is this happening I hate this I don’t want this to happen I just want to see my mom and dad and sister and █████ and I just want to know who I was and have a normal college life and get my life together and not be a pathetic piece of…
…
It’s so quiet now.
I don’t really know where I am right now.
Am I still on the floor? Since when was I on the floor? I don’t exactly remember.
It’s oddly peaceful here. Just me and my thoughts in this empty space.
I think I hear voices. Is anyone else here?
“Sooo… is anyone else tripping?”
Wait, Aventurine? That’s Aventurine's voice, I’m positive. Is he here as well?
“I’m positive I’m not dreaming. Did the pinch and everything.”
Herta? The Herta? She’s here too?
“Pinched myself as well. This ain’t no dream.”
“Same here. I’m just… when the hell did we become Star Rail characters!?”
That’s Robin… wait, are they my roommates? So this didn’t just happen to me?
“Fuck, okay. Name check. I’m… uh. My name is…”
“Fucking hell, you too?”
“God dammit, why can’t I remember my name?”
“Now that you mention it, I can’t remember mine either.”
“So all of us can’t remember our names. Great. Can you at least remember who you were?”
“Oh, easily. I know for a fact I wasn’t Aventurine before this morning.”
“That’s obvious, dumbass. I’m asking if you know anything about who you were.”
“All good on that front. Thank god.”
…they can remember who they were? Then why can’t I? Why was I singled out?
“That’s a silver lining. At least we know our identity.”
“Hold on. Didn’t we have a fourth?”
There’s a pause in the conversation at Robin’s comment. I can only assume they’re either trying to remember my name or they’re looking at my room.
I hear frantic footsteps. I hear the door open.
“Oh god, are you okay!?”
I hear Robin call out to me in a panic.
I feel Robin pull me into a hug. It feels nice. I like this feeling.
Everything feels so far away. I feel like I shouldn’t be this far away. But coming back would mean accepting my fate. Accepting that my memories have been damaged. Accepting that I’ve forgotten the most important people in my life.
I don’t want to come back. Not right now.
I think I feel Robin guiding me back to my feet, hooking an arm around my shoulders.
I’m guided to sit down on the couch. I think we’re in the living room? That’s the only place with soft couches.
“God, she looks terrible.”
“Hey, are you alright? Can you hear me?”
…I should probably come back. I know it’ll hurt and I still don’t want to. But my roommates are worried about me. I don’t want to worry them more, my feelings be damned. Guess it’s time to admit defeat.
…
I slowly open my tear stained eyes. Sure enough, I see Herta and Aventurine sitting on the opposite couch, both wearing their pajamas which look hilariously out of place on both of them. Already I can see Aventurine’s bizarre eye colours. Looking to my left reveals Robin, also wearing pajamas, rubbing my back in soothing motions and holding one of my hands with one of hers. I notice that Robin doesn’t have her wings or her halo from the game.
“Hey, are you okay?” Robin asks me.
I don’t even want to speak right now, I’ve already cemented my memory loss into reality and lost my family. I just look dejectedly at the floor as I try to process the reality of everything.
“Hey, talk to me. What’s going on?” Robin prods me again. As much as I don’t want to, they deserve to know the truth. Of how I’ve been hollowed out and replaced. Of how I’ve become nothing.
“...I can’t remember anything.” I finally managed, my voice weak with emotion and unrecognisable coming from my mouth. God, I even sound like Evernight now. One sentence about this and I’m already about to cry again.
“Anything?” Herta inquires as gently as she can.
“Nothing. It’s all gone. I don’t know who I am or even who my family is. My identity has been erased from my memory. It’s all gone. It’s all gone…”
The dam breaks loose again. I start crying uncontrollably, unable to utter another word as the reality of everything finally slams into me. Robin quickly pulls me into a tight hug, whispering reassurances and continuing to rub my back in soothing motions, trying her best to calm me down from this complete breakdown of my emotions. But all I can do right now is just cry and wail and mourn everything I’ve lost for the second time. I really miss my mom and dad and sister and everyone else I’ve forgotten. I wish I could remember. I really wish I could.
I feel myself slipping back to the place I was earlier, the world starting to move farther and farther away. I honestly want to be there right now. I still want to deny my memory and identity loss. But like I said earlier, I already admitted defeat by leaving that place once. And right now I can’t go back, not in front of them. So I will myself back to reality once and for all. Hopefully.
I don’t know how long it’s been. I’ve stopped crying, at least, continuing to bury my face into Robin’s shoulder as I notice the sheer exhaustion that’s built up over this morning catch up to me.
“...’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I mumble out.
“Hey, don’t apologise. None of this is your fault.” Robin reassures. God. I’m really thankful that someone is caring for me right now. I don’t know how I would’ve managed without her.
Eventually I pulled away from Robin, tired and exhausted both physically and emotionally. I get a better look at Aventurine, still in his pajamas but now holding what I presume to be a cup of coffee. Personally I wasn’t a coffee drinker, nor did I have any plans to start.
“You okay?” Aventurine asks. I try to think about how I’m feeling at the current moment but it’s still a jumbled mess.
“I don’t know.” I answer honestly, my voice still weak. I’m thankful for the effort, at least.
I hadn’t noticed Herta was missing until she put a box of tissues down in front of me before returning to her place on the couch, coffee in hand. Right, I probably looked like a mess of tears and snot. I gingerly grabbed a few and started wiping down my nose and face.The room was quiet while I did so, something I was once again thankful for since it let me regain my bearings after my emotional breakdown.
I take in the sight of the living room. Four college kids that suddenly woke up as Honkai: Star Rail characters sitting in their pajamas while holding cups of coffee. The sight of it all is oddly amusing to me. I almost start laughing at the absurdity of it all.
“So are we still tripping or what?”
Scratch that, I am laughing at the absurdity of it all. And Aventurine’s untimely comment. Everyone looks at me as I start giggling unexpectedly, a far cry from my earlier states.
“What’s so funny now?” Herta inquires.
“Sorry, just… four college kids suddenly wake up as Star Rail characters sitting in their pajamas like nothing happened-” I start laughing even more as I recount my earlier amusing thought, eventually unable to even talk as I wheeze all the air out of my lungs. I might be a little delirious but hey, I’ll take anything that isn’t crying uncontrollably. Soon enough I hear Aventurine start laughing as well, followed by Robin giggling. It almost breaks the tension in the room stemming from the bizarre circumstances we’ve found ourselves in.
But we can’t ignore the elephant in the room forever. Or rather, we can’t ignore the fact that instead of 4 normal college kids sitting in a dorm living room, there are now 4 Honkai: Star Rail characters sitting in a dorm living room. As the laughter died down, Herta spoke up again, effectively in charge of figuring out what the fuck happened to us.
“So… uh, Evernight?”
It took me a moment to register that she was speaking to me.
“Yes?”
“Do you remember my name?”
“No, I can’t. I’m sorry, but it’s gone as well. I can’t remember any of your names. I assume you can’t remember my name either?”
“Negative. Anyone else?” Both Robin and Aventurine didn’t have any luck either, in remembering Herta’s name or mine.
“So it seems like we’ve all forgotten each other's names. And Evernight has forgotten her identity.” Again I’m reminded of everything I’ve lost, and already my breathing starts to quicken. Luckily Robin puts a hand to my back and calms me down before I spiral completely. I really owe her after this.
“Evernight, I know this is hard for you, but I want to confirm something,” Herta starts, “Do you remember the events that happened in your life?”
“What do you mean?” I reply, confused.
“Do you remember going to high school? Applying to college? Moving into the dorm?”
That was a good question, something I’d completely overlooked in my initial panic. I braced myself as I dove into my fractured memories yet again. Sure enough, while my identity and my family had been wiped clean, the events themselves are untouched. I still remember going to high school, hanging out with my friends, applying for college, moving into the dorm. Hell, I even remember who my roommates used to be. The thought of that makes me really sad. Why was I singled out in this weird cosmic confluence?
“I do, actually. My identity is still gone, but the events of my life are still there. Actually, I still remember who you guys were before this happened.”
Herta hums at my response.
“That’s good on our end, at least.”
“...on your end?”
Herta grimaces before dropping a bomb.
“Unfortunately, I can’t remember anything about who you were. And I suspect neither Robin nor Aventurine can remember either.”
Both of them solemnly nodded to confirm Herta’s suspicions. That was it then: I would never regain my identity ever again. From today onward I would be forced to live as someone completely different while being ignorant to the life I once lived. The thought terrified me on a primal level. I hate it. I hate everything about this.
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. Listen to me, everything is gonna be okay. We’re gonna work through this together.”
Bless you, Robin. Somehow always in lock step with my turbulent emotions. Her soothing voice stops my spiral once again. A part of me is guilty at how much emotional labour she’s doing right now. And the rest of me is thankful that she’s even here at all.
“Sorry, it’s just-”
“Terrifying? Yeah, we get it. This whole thing is terrifying,” Herta interrupts, “But I can’t imagine losing your whole identity. You have every right to be terrified about this, Evernight. But like Robin said, we’re gonna figure this out together. Right Aventurine?”
Herta gives a pointed look at Aventurine, in the middle of sipping his coffee.
“‘Course. I got stake in this, too.”
It’s really reassuring knowing my roommates have my back. Should I still be calling them my roommates? I feel like they’ve become friends in the short time we’ve known each other as our new identities. Eh, fuck it. They’re my friends now.
“...thank you. Everyone. It means a lot to me.”