Work Text:
Was any of it real?
School, I mean.
Even without all the smokes it always felt like a fever dream that wouldn't leave us alone for whatever reason.
I told you to tell Jeffery to fuck off probably like a million times. I mean, 95% of Jefferies turn out to be child molesters.
I warned you about Kylar on your first day.
And did I even need to diss Crispin for you?
You're dead. And it's all because of these virgins, seriously Nicole? Hanging yourself over these flip-flop wearing fucks? You still owe me that concert trip I flaked my 40-year-old teacher for.
...
I didn't actually think that you'd do it though.
You didn't even leave me instructions on how you did it.
Id say you were gone too soon, but I think we both know that isn't all true.
Actually, my bet was on Emily dying before you, like, I knew you guys would die young but 17? Jesus Christ, Nicole.
Anyway, she cried a ton at the wake like she knew you inside out or something, Emily's strange like that, I guess.
Can't blame her though, I would've done the same if I weren't heavily self-medicated, which makes me wonder if I'm writing this to feel something. The Xanax doesn't exactly hit the same anymore.
What use does it have anyway?
You're literally never going to read this text.
You know, I still think about the exchange we had at lunch. When you were talking about your shitty social spiral. Can't help thinking that we should've said more to be honest.
But what the fuck would I even tell you? What the fuck would two other suicidal bitches even tell you?
Goddammit, this is why all hot people do fucked up things with other hot people. Enabling is literally why we have friends.
...
On the bright side, Emily let me stay over so I wouldn't have to face my dad while I was all fucked up. A puzzle, that girl.
It was all very strange.
God. all of this crying is pruning up my face, no thanks to you. You don't have wrinkles to worry about, Nicole. Nothing....to worry about, actually.
I know you may think all this is hella trashy of you but...
hey, at least you'll stay pretty forever.
And maybe then people would finally shut up about you.
Sorry if that came out weird.
Or... came off like Kylar or anything.
Dunno...it feels like you're still here, somehow.
...
I guess this is the part where I throw a pity party, sob like a bitch and go "it's my fault!" because I feel bad and
make shitty excuses like "oh I had a bad day I didn't know what you were going through!" or whatever
Well, it is.
I didn't mean it, Nicole.
What kind of hot shit did I think I was anyway? I barely have the luxury of choosing friends like you do.
It just fucking sucked to see you so unhappy with people you so obviously despised.
When you could've just came to me about it regardless of whatever shit I gave you. Then we could've collectively told them to fuck off and die. (And they'd probably listen)
Sure, you were being kind of a dick but
I miss you.
I miss smoking with you.
I miss chatting shit with you.
I miss almost getting sexually assaulted with you.
I miss going to the mall with you.
How many times did I say miss already?
Damn.
Regardless, it really sucks that I forgot to tell you I loved you.
Was too fucked out of my mind to remember, and that's my bad.
Come back. You poor bitch.