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Emily Stanley was relieved to finally be back in California. She’d spent the last week visiting her sister in Ohio. She’d had a great time but she really missed her husband and children. And now she was finally minutes away from seeing at least one of them.
She knew Hank was picking her up. She didn’t dare to hope the kids would be with him. Afterall, it was a Sunday at 1 pm and they were teenagers. She was fairly certain they weren’t even out of bed yet.
She approached the baggage claim and there was Hank. He noticed her seconds after she noticed him. His face lit up as he rushed to greet her. He pulled her into a hug and then picked her up and swung her around.
“I missed you,” he murmured.
“I missed you too,” she agreed. “Anything exciting happen while I was away?”
“I went to an opera,” he answered casually.
“What? Why? How?”
FIGARO FIGARO FIGARO
Hank was in his office when he heard a loud argument break out. He chose to ignore it hoping it would resolve itself. When he realized he heard five distinct voices yelling he sighed and decided he better go play referee.
“Is there a problem?” he said loudly to be heard over all the racket.
“The football tickets,” Chet groused.
“Bad seats?” Hank clarified.
“More like no seats,” Marco answered.
“Oh, Paula couldn’t get them? Why are you yelling at each other?” Hank asked.
“We’re not yelling at each other. We’re yelling at Roy,” Johnny said. “Well I was yelling at Chet.”
“Somebody want to tell me what’s going on?” Hank ordered.
“Well, because of Roy’s push to show how well rounded we are the station got us opera tickets instead,” Mike explained.
Hank looked at Roy for confirmation and the paramedic nodded meekly.
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Hank closed the trunk and got into the car.
“So you decided to go?” Emily asked in surprise as they got into the car.
“Well, first Gage decided that going to an opera might improve his dating life. Kelly and Lopez saw the logic in that and Stoker decided they shouldn’t go unsupervised.”
“Mike is wise,” Emily agreed.
“I decided since they were going that we might as well all go. DeSoto tried to argue but Kelly insisted it was all his fault so he finally accepted his fate.”
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“Did anybody read the brochure that came with the tickets?” Chet asked from the back seat.
He was sitting between Johnny and Marco. Hank was in the front seat driving with Roy in the middle and Mike in the passenger seat.
“It’s called a libretto,” Johnny corrected. “It says it on top.”
“Fine, did anyone read the libretto?” Chet huffed.
“I did,” Mike answered.
“So did I,” Johnny chimed in.
“Why don’t you two give us a summary,” Marco suggested.
“Well, it starts out with Lindoro wanting to marry Rosino but her guardian wants to marry her when she’s old enough,” Johnny explained.
“That’s disgusting,” Chet commented.
“And Figaro helps Lindoro meet Rosino,” Mike added.
“I’ve heard of him,” Roy said. “I think there’s a song about him.”
“Then the police come and that’s the end of act one,” Johnny continued.
“Then act two has Figaro shaving someone. So he must be the barber of Seville,” Mike explained.
“So is he the main character?” Hank asked. “He is the only one we’ve heard of and he’s the barber.”
“I think he is but the cast is listed in alphabetical order so I guess we’ll find out,” Mike answered.
“In the end they do get married because the guardian is too late to stop them,” Johnny concluded
“What does Figaro get?” Roy asked.
“To shave someone, I guess,” Johnny replied.
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“What happened when you got there? Did they behave?” Emily asked.
They were on the freeway now and traffic wasn’t moving.
“When we got there they were very excited,” Hank answered. “That didn’t last.”
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“It’s a good thing we got a private balcony," Roy said.
He, Mike, and Hank were sitting on the second row waiting for the show to start.
“Are you afraid we’ll embarrass you?” Hank teased.
“Not you two,” Roy answered cryptically. “I feel guilty for abandoning Marco like that.”
“Don’t worry, you can babysit during intermission,” Marco joked as he entered with Johnny and Chet.
“Haha,” Chet snarked. “We get the front row?”
“It’s in case we want to push you over,” Mike explained.
Chet and Johnny shot him a glare.
“Did you find a date?” Hank stepped in to prevent arguing.
“We’re not trying to get a date here. We are absorbing knowledge to use for future conversations that could lead to dates,” Johnny explained. “You should’ve come with us, Mike.”
“I don’t wasn’t a future date that could lead to me going to another opera,” Mike argued.
Chet looked at him in horror.
“Johnny, this was a stupid idea.”
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“It got worse when the opera started. It was interesting at first but soon all of us got really bored,” Hank said as they finally moved up a few feet.
“Not an opera fan?” Emily teased.
“None of us really knew what was happening. So, of course, Chet and Johnny turn into Statler and Waldorf with their commentary. That part was actually entertaining but as their captain I couldn’t encourage it. That was fine though because Mike and Marco were there to do it for me,” Hank laughed.
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“Shh, it’s starting,” Hank admonished as Johnny and Chet were still arguing about dating.
“This song is about being quiet,” Mike whispered.
“They’re not doing a good job,” Chet muttered
The song went on and on. Johnny was fidgeting. Marco put a hand on Johnny’s leg because his vibrating was shaking Marco’s chair. Hank was starting to worry that his men wouldn’t make it through the first thirty minutes. And then finally a familiar tune started to play.
“I’ve heard that music!” Marco said excitedly. Then the singing started.
“That's the Figaro song,” Johnny said gleefully.
Unfortunately, that was the only part any of them recognized. And the real boredom set in. None of them were sure how the program they received and the scenes lined up so they were all confused on what was happening onstage.
“This is hell. I’m never discussing this to get a date. No date is worth going through this again,” Johnny mumbled.
“This is one of your worst ideas,” Chet agreed.
“I think I could list worse,” Mike commented.
Johnny turned around and glared.
“Wake up,” Roy said a while later, poking Johnny in the back.
“I’m not asleep. I’m just trying to be,” Johnny answered.
“It’s wrong to wish for a fire isn’t it? Any excuse to run out of here would be fine,” Chet said when yet another song started he didn’t understand.
“You complain when that happens on vacation,” Johnny whispered.
“I think we can all agree this isn’t vacation,” Marco answered.
“Can we leave at intermission?” Chet whined.
“Yes,” Roy said.
“Absolutely,” Mike agreed.
Everyone looked at Hank.
“It’s fine with me,” He told them.
They all smiled in relief.
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“You didn’t even make it through the whole opera?” Emily teased.
“Unfortunately, we did. Paula, the reporter that gave us the tickets, came to visit us at intermission and asked to take pictures of us after the opera was over. So we were forced to stay. It went about as badly as you’d expect,” Hank answered as he finally exited the freeway.
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“They don’t have any beer,” Mike announced as he and Marco returned to the balcony during intermission.
“I’m glad I didn’t bother to get up,” Hank groused. “I’ve been to plays before. I liked them. I even like musicals. But this. This is horrible. And now we have to stay through the whole thing.”
“It would probably be okay with subtitles,” Mike said. “I went to a French film with subtitles and I liked it.”
“This singing hurts my ears,” Marco complained. “I thought it would be fun to try something new but I was very wrong.”
“Look what we got,” Johnny said happily as he returned with Roy and Chet.
Hank looked and saw they were carrying strange looking glasses with a stick on the side.
“We got opera glasses,” Chet explained.
“You think seeing it in more detail will help?” Marco asked in confusion.
“They’re going to spy on people in the audience,” Roy answered.
“We are going to look for medical emergencies,” Johnny argued. “It’s our duty.”
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“Did they find any?” Emily asked.
They had just pulled into the driveway of their house and were getting out of the car.
“It was too dark for them to see anyone so the opera glasses quickly lost their novelty,” Hank said with a chuckle. “They were forced to watch the rest of the opera.”
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“This part is kind of funny. The skinny man is repeating the same words and the fat man is getting frustrated,” Marco whispered.
“Do you know what he’s saying?” Mike asked. “Isn’t Italian close to Spanish?
“It’s still two different languages but I think he’s saying peace and something over and over,” Marco answered.
“Even if this was in English I wouldn’t understand her,” Johnny said when Rosina once again started trilling.
“Do you think it hurts to sing like that?” Roy wondered.
“It hurts my ears to hear it,” Marco whined again.
“We know,” Chet huffed.
Finally the show ended and the curtain went down.
“The second act wasn’t as boring,” Johnny said.
“I’m still glad it’s over,” Mike answered. “But I might consider going to another one for a date.”
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“So what happened after the show ended?” Emily asked.
The kids had come out to greet her when she arrived home but had since retreated back to their room. She was sitting at the kitchen table and Hank was making them both lunch.
“We got to go behind the scenes. We had our pictures made with the cast,” Hank answered.
“Oh, did the boys flirt with the woman who played Rosina?” Emily chuckled.
“Shockingly, no,” Hank replied. “They were in a hurry to go because we were going to eat when we left. We got a little more information on the fundraiser and then they offered us more free tickets.”
“Not more opera, I hope,” Emily said in mock horror.”
“No, no, no,” Hank answered.
“Football this time?” Emily said when he still wasn’t forthcoming.
“Well, no,” Hank hedged.
“Hank,” Emily demanded.
Hank grimaced. “Next month we’re going to the ballet.”