Chapter Text
"i thought i'd find you here." satoru looked up, being met with suguru looking down at him, offering that small signature smile of his.
the elder nodded his head. "sit." he pat the place on the ground beside him, he knew suguru might have hesitated, they were in expensive clothes, while the ground was obviously dirty. plus, it was already raining a bit so it could have been muddy too. to satoru's surprise, suguru didn't take even a second to sit down beside him, wearing a rather confused facial expression. "it got too loud in there." satoru confessed, pressing his lips into a thin line.
it was yet another event, hosted by the king — suguru's father and of course the gojo family was invited, all as honorable royal guests of another kingdom and so was the prince, satoru himself. if it was anything else, satoru would try his very best not to go. he hated these kind of things, even when they were hosted in his palace. it tired him for no reason and overwhelmed him. he had to always look perfect, not talk too much, nor too little, not move too much or too little either, live up to the expectations everyone had, watch each and every single word that could possibly leave his lips.
it exhausted him. too many people and noise. plus, suguru was obviously busy with others, each time he tried approaching him, someone would beat him to it and he simply didn't get a chance to talk to him. he of course wasn't upset, knowing too well that he would be in the same exact situation if it was his palace where the event was taking place.
both of them were royals after all, they sadly had to be what everyone expected them to be. all perfect.
it was nice to see suguru there with him, right at that moment though. satoru felt being important too, like the younger actually escaped all those people just to be with him. maybe it was just him living in that small little fantasy of his, but he didn't mind it being that way.
"they all talked too much, but i just wanted to spend time with you." suguru broke the small silence between the two of them, making satoru snap back to reality from his pile of thoughts.
so he was right. not being able to hide that soft smile, a little too adoring even, the elder dared to look at suguru feeling butterflies fluttering in his stomach at how breathtaking he looked at that very moment. "i wanted to talk to you, but each time i tried approaching someone was faster than me." he couldn't help but whine, staring at the small raindrops falling on suguru's long hair.
"but now we are here." suguru looked back at him, pure admiration reflecting in his eyes. he was sure, satoru could have approached him any time and it would be just fine, everyone knew the two kingdoms were actually like allies, that was why they got invited to events in the first place and it would be no surprise to know that the heirs to the thrones were also frineds.
nonetheless, suguru could understand why satoru hesitated, plus, maybe if not most definitely, he just wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with him, just the two of them and honestly, that was exactly what suguru himself wanted too. he was so glad, no one noticed him walking out of the hall to go and look for satoru when he didn't spot him anywhere inside.
the silence between the two of them was comforting, only ruined by rain, that was getting heavier by every minute and faint noises from the palace. people talking nonstop. suguru knew some time soon the orchestra would start playing and it would become silent, in a sense that people would finally stop talking and just let music fill everything around. he was looking forward to it.
and it didn't take too long for him to wait for that, as the music poured from all the windows the palace had, being hearable even in the garden, where him and satoru were.
curving his lips up, suguru stood up, holding his hand out for satoru who was rather confused, not understanding what the younger was up to. "let's dance." suguru offered, making the prince smile.
he held gently onto suguru's hand, standing up and wrapped his other arm around the younger's waist, pulling him closer to his chest, as suguru's hand lightly rested on his shoulder.
foreheads rested against each other's, eyes closed and letting the soft rain wet their hair, the two moved slowly, following the music from the palace. it was so calming, so comforting, satoru didn't want to think about anything else but the prince in his arms.
he was glad, he decided to go out of the palace and managed to see suguru there too, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to be like this at that very moment. he knew obviously, everyone was going to question them, judge them, if they decided to pair up for a dance together in the hall where everyone was.
people would suspect so much and rumors would start circulating about them being in love. which, wouldn't exactly be a lie, of course, satoru grew so aware of the fact that he was head over heels in love with suguru. but still, that was not something his parents would be pleased to hear, even if it just stayed as a rumor.
that was why, he hated being a royal so much, he had to fit into standards. be the perfect in everyone's eyes and act however everyone would want him to. he knew he could never actually be with suguru, the love he had for him was forbidden.
and the worst part about it, was that it wasn't just about him, it was about the younger and his reputation too. honestly speaking, if someone managed to find out about it, them and what they had going n, the feelings that attached them to each other, satoru still wouldn't care. he knew he was going to be banished from the royal palace, because he would be a disgrace to the family, a failure, a shame.
satoru would actually, beat them to it and run away, leave the royal palace, he would have no regrets doing so, but what about suguru?
he didn't know, if the younger was ready to sacrifice everything just for him. were his feelings even that strong? satoru didn't know, and he really didn't want to put suguru in any sort of danger.
the younger was the only heir to the throne, he was supposed to become a king and it was only a matter of time. he had so many responsibilities.
it sounded scary, really, so many things could have happened. even right now, if someone saw them being like this, they could get in a big trouble. but satoru couldn't seem to care at least in that very moment, he was feeling numb, being enveloped in that very soft, specific scent suguru carried around, that he grew to love so much, rain pouring down on him, his mind clouded and he couldn't think about anything.
no one and nothing mattered at that moment, satoru barely even heard the music, as if it was coming from too far away. he just moved with suguru, rocking with him side to side. it was just the two of them, dancing in the pouring rain, with their clothes dirtied and wet, but satoru couldn't care less. at that second, it was the most comforting thing for him.
"i'm in love with you, satoru." the words left suguru's lips in a barely hearable whisper in such a heavy rain, but it was still loud enough for the elder to hear.
his breath hitched, feeling butterflies fluttering in his stomach, if only suguru knew how much this meant to him, how much he adored the younger. "i love you too." he whispered back, his words getting lost in the sound of rain and music still playing in the palace.
suguru was also, still able to catch them, his lips curving up in a small smile, feeling like something warm poured in his stomach and heart beating twice as fast, when satoru uttered those words of confession. at that very second, nothing was making sense, to suguru, every single thing around them got blurry. it was just him and satoru who still held him in his arms gently.
he really didn't know what he was doing, it was as if he was not controlling his mind, nor muscles, everything he did was on its own.
with one hand still holding onto the elder's, suguru wrapped the other arm around satoru's neck, pulling him closer if that was even possible and tilting his head to the side, captured satoru's lips into his.
satoru only took a second to recover from the sudden surprise and realize what was going on, then gave in the kiss, melting against his touch. it felt so magical, something he had never experienced before nor could describe how felt, even if he tried to. it was as if their lips fit perfectly into each other, like final compatible puzzle pieces completing the art.
butterflies fluttered in satoru's stomach again, making him feel all fuzzy. at that very second, he forgot everything, all the things that would have happened if someone saw them, even took the smallest glimpse of them not kissing but even standing like that in front of each other, dancing, in the pouring rain, it would cause a little too many questions.
satoru didn't even care about himself and what would happen to him, he knew everything he would do, he was ready and prepared for that, but what about suguru?
letting out a small gasp as he moved his head slightly back, "we can't— you know we can't." satoru whispered right against the younger's lips. it hurt to say that, admit to the fact that what they had was forbidden. the dear love they had for each other wasn't accepted at all. they were heirs to their thrones. they couldn't fall in love. they weren't allowed to. yet, they both did.
"p-please.." suguru choked out, his voice broken as ever and only then satoru realized that besides rain, it was the younger's tears wetting his face as they kissed.
suguru knew the elder was right, of course he was. and he blamed himself for so many things. he shouldn't have allowed himself to step this far. when he said he loved satoru, when those words of confession left his lips, he was saying something so pure, so adoring. hearing those words back made him happiest he has ever been, but then when satoru told him to stop, he felt something heavy sinking inside of him, something squeezing his heart with force.
it hurt. it hurt so much and he physically felt throbbing pain in his chest. it hurt to know that he had satoru so close yet it was hard— impossible to reach him. in a way he wanted to. he knew even before, how it would not work out, it never could, yet, right now it all felt too real and at some point he wished to not even know how it really felt.
with tears now making their way down satoru's cheeks as well, "i'm sorry, suguru, i'm so sorry." barely audible whisper left his lips, as he let go of the younger's hand, bringing it up to caress his cheek ever so gently, so lovingly, placing small kisses on his lips repeatedly, choking out quiet apologies in between them, as if the kisses could heal the pain. that was what he did, kept doing, instead of leaving and going back. because, he couldn't seem to be able to let go of suguru. he just couldn't.
he felt his legs getting weak, needing to sit down, but he couldn't let go of suguru, he didn't want to. so he just slid down, sitting down on the wet dirty ground, taking the younger with him as he still had him in his arms, kissing away the tears that made their way down suguru's cheeks.
it felt unfair, he had everything he could ever want and nothing at the same time. satoru hated feeling this way, his heart shattering in pieces and he didn't know was it because of the state in general or this exact scenario of suguru crying in his arms. probably, both.
suguru on the other hand felt dazed, numb. he couldn't see or hear anything. the only thing he felt were satoru's lips pressing agains his face repeatedly, sitting down on the wet grass, their bodies pressed against each other. he felt like melting against the elder's gentle touch and lips. he loved him, he loved him so much, so dearly that he was willing to do anything and everything for him. but was there a way, of them to ever be happy?
he felt so weak. in any way, shape or form possible, he hated this so much, he felt like suffocating, like he couldn't take it any longer.
bringing his shaky hand up, "i love you." the younger placed his hands on satoru's cheeks, stopping him from kissing him over and over again. suguru's words were uttered softly, in between quiet sobs, with his forehead pressed against the elder's. suguru took a second to caress satoru's cheeks ever so gently, feeling tears between his fingers. and then leaned forward, connecting their lips in yet another kiss.
and it was just like that. the two of them sitting on the dirty, wet ground, soaked from the rain as it kept pouring from the night sky, feeling numb in each other's embrace, with their lips collided and music still being heard from somewhere far. at least for them it was far — it seemed so.
if someone saw them from afar, they would definitely assume something, but no one would be able to know how devastating it actually was, how miserable the two of them were, so madly in love with each other and still, their responsibilities and reputations holding them back from being happy together, the way they wanted to.
satoru was looking at the sleeping boy in front of him. they were lying in suguru's bed, facing each other, it just happened so since they were asleep, or at least for some time. satoru woke up after yet another dream he had had and turning around, he was met with sleeping younger boy.
the boy seemed peaceful, like he was having the best sleep of his life, his breath even and hair strands falling over his face. satoru stared at him, only glancing at the clock for a brief moment.
five in the morning.
it was still too early to wake up, he wanted for suguru to get proper sleep, but he himself, as tired as he seemed to be, he didn't think he would be able to sleep now. not after the dream he just saw.
it was for the first time, he saw one while being with the younger. usually, what he did was running away from those very visions and finding his safe place, somewhere to sleep at without any bother, beside suguru. he didn't expect to see something when he was already by his side. though, what he saw was something else to worry about. something that was a really big deal to him.
he had seen a lot of visions, a lot of different forms of them but this was for the first time, he saw them openly admitting to each other that they loved one another, and sharing a kiss, not one at that. in any other way, any other case, satoru would be excited, knowing there was a life out there where his feelings weren't just something buried deep in his heart, and also reciprocated as well. but it felt scary, making him feel so anxious for whatever reason.
bringing his hand up slowly, satoru brushed away the strands falling over suguru's eyes, watching his calm expression not even twitching slightly. seemed like the younger was in a deep sleep. his hand stayed there for a moment or two, fingers tangled in suguru's black hair. seemed like no matter what universe they were in, he always ended up hurting him, in whatever way it was. either trying to save him, not being able to do something for him, or say hurtful things. all of the visions he had seen were similar in that. in all of them suguru was suffering way more than he himself was. and since he didn't really knew how the younger was actually feeling there, he could only assume with his facial expressions and body language. satoru was sure, he most definitely didn't know half the pain suguru must have been going through in all these different timelines just because he was there with him.
"i'm so sorry, suguru." satoru's hand moved down slowly, across the younger's cheek and then his fingers stopped at his lips. they were soft just like they felt in that dream of his. wasn't he technically following the pattern now, with hurting suguru. just a day or two ago, it was when he upset the younger. it wasn't something big but that was how things could start, right. and it were always those small things that would always bottle up and explode at the end, causing way more damage than anything else.
it just seemed like no matter what he tried to do, what universe he was in, he always hurt him one way or another. "i'm sorry." muttering the words again, satoru let out a small sigh, moving his hand back. was it really right to hold onto him, like his hear life depended on it and not let him go no matter what, when he knew he was going to hurt him here just like in every other world they had?
satoru did say many times, that he thought the two of them were soulmates but were they really? there hasn't been anything, any signs that could point to that, not something he could think of at that very moment at least. what scared him the most was that, no matter what they did, whether they confessed or not, kissed and held each other dearly or not, suguru was going to suffer anyway. that was the case in every other world he had seen.
in this one, he didn't even know if the younger returned the feelings back or not, what was he thinking and such. satoru knew nothing. he didn't want to see him go through anything bad here too. he wanted to make sure, suguru was happy and free but he didn't want to let him go either. he was scared and hated how selfish and greedy he was for wanting suguru all to himself. he just couldn't seem to make up his mind about anything.