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“Come on, let’s go.” Hoseok whines as he drags Yoongi out of the studio. It had turned into a pigsty within the past week the elder trapped himself inside, sleeping and eating there. His clothes were laid across the couch in the back and his numerous cups of ramen and empty water bottles scattered across the tiny coffee table in front of the couch. The last shower he had taken was at least three days ago. In short, Hoseok had to save his best friend.
“Okay, okay,” Yoongi says as if he was trying to console a child, “Stop pulling on my arm though. It hurts.”
Hoseok, as Yoongi’s best friend and own personal torturer, does the complete opposite and only holds on tighter, pulling more until the other lightly swats at his hand with an exasperated sigh. Yoongi is always more pliant with an eager Hoseok.
“You need to take a shower first but after that, you’re all mine and you can’t refuse anything I say, got it?” He takes a glance at the elder and thinks he might’ve seen a blush but Min Yoongi doesn’t blush unless he’s embarrassed and – is Hoseok being embarrassing? He takes a look around the outside of the building and there’s no one there to judge them so he doesn’t quite understand the pink tinge in the other’s otherwise pale cheeks.
“Okay. Got it.”
It comes out as a mutter that Hoseok thinks is rather cute and he smiles at the blonde man. He takes a look at his phone to check the time and panics with a fuck. He grabs onto Yoongi’s hand and is running; Yoongi’s probably bewildered but no explanation is given to him because there’s no time. Hoseok took a bus to get here and if they miss the next bus, they’ll have to wait another twenty minutes for a new one. They make it in time, the bus just about to close the doors, and Hoseok’s yelling so loud and clear that Yoongi’s ears hurt with the way he winces. Hoseok only smiles at him.
“I passed my chemistry test.” Hoseok says out loud in complete disbelief. Sure, it was barely a B but it was certainly passing and as long as he didn’t get any lower than a C on the final, he’d pass the class, the class he’d been complaining about the entire semester.
“Oh my god!”
He’s screaming and jumping up and down and pumping his fist into the air, the piece of paper waving in the wind. Yoongi’s ears hurt and his cheeks are going to redden at the rate Hoseok’s going at. He stops Hoseok by pulling him back down on the seat before he could bust out dancing. Hoseok’s a good dancer, actually really good because he’s won an award before in high school, but when he wanted to, oh, was his dance moves jerky and out of rhythm and in short, embarrassing. They’re in the quad, for god’s sake, and there are too many people here to act like this. Although Hoseok’s never cared about that.
“You don’t understand, Yoongi. I passed. I passed the devil’s test and now there’s only one more. I don’t even have to study for it!” He’s still too giddy, legs shaking under the table and Yoongi laughs despite himself. Hoseok knows Yoongi understands. After all, he’s the one Hoseok had talked the ear off of.
“Okay, calm down.” A hand rests onto the top of Hoseok’s lap. “Let’s celebrate then. Frozen yogurt. Treats’ on me.”
“Aww.” Hoseok coos and puts his fingers under Yoongi’s chin, wiggling his fingers. “You’re so cute. You better not take back your word when we get there!”
Hoseok’s already running off before Yoongi can slap his hand away, the blonde chasing after him. Maybe if Hoseok had turned around to look at Yoongi, he might’ve seen a smile break on the other’s face.
They arrive at the shop in seven minutes top, breathless from the five minutes they had ran, and Yoongi looks like he regrets the choice when they’re finished accessorizing their treat. Hoseok looks up at him, past his tower of candies on top of even more frozen yogurt. It looks like it weighs at least two pounds and costs sixteen dollars. Sixteen dollars wasted.
“Thank you, hyung.” Hoseok coos again, only calling Yoongi ‘hyung’ when he wanted something. Yoongi smiles back, unlike what Hoseok expects which was a smack to the head, but nevertheless Hoseok’s happy.
They go to a park and they sit on the grass because Hoseok insists and Yoongi follows what he says because I know you have a soft spot for me, Yoongi, and you know I love exploiting you. Yoongi doesn’t comment on it and that’s the only confirmation needed.
Hoseok takes a scoop of frozen yogurt into his mouth, humming in joy and moaning from the delicious heaven he’s managed to encapture in a bite. Today is a really good day, one he’ll save for a rainy day, because he’s going to pass a much hated class and never take it again and his best friend treated him to frozen yogurt aka heaven. Hoseok turns to Yoongi and −
This is bad, Hoseok might’ve thought if he hadn’t been so happy and actually notice how close Yoongi was. Everything happens too fast for him to process and Yoongi’s lips are planted on his, soft and warm and everything Yoongi. His hands are wound lightly around the side of the chestnut haired male’s neck, fingers brushing against his jaw, and the gesture is too tender for people who are just friends.
Hoseok’s eyes widen and he’s thinking how this had happened because how could this happen? They’re not drunk, where there’s an obvious ignorance to the world, and it wasn’t night, where every clear thought gets just a little blurred and lines are easier to cross. It’s a fucking sunny day at two in the afternoon and Yoongi, Hoseok’s best friend since the beginning of high school, is kissing him. He doesn’t push Yoongi away and maybe he should but he doesn’t, mind still not collected enough to do anything about the situation at hand.
Yoongi pulls away ten seconds into the kiss and Hoseok was expecting a sorry to escape from his pink lips, an expression of surprise displayed on his face, but what he gets is entirely different from anything he could have thought of.
“I like you.” He’s serious, eyes thick with worry but voice filled with what can only be defined as affection. He’s staring straight into Hoseok’s eyes and Hoseok can’t look away. “I’ve like you since we first met in high school and you fell going up the stairs like the idiot you are and you were so embarrassed and I thought it was so cute and − I’ve always liked you.”
Hoseok’s stunned because he remembers that all too well. It still causes a blush on his cheeks whenever it’s mentioned and Hoseok remembers Yoongi laughing at him, not acting like it was cute or that Hoseok was anything other than an idiot. He feels like an idiot all the time but even more so at this moment because he hadn’t known about his best friend’s feelings. It’s been going on for years and Hoseok had never known.
“I don’t know what to say.” His eyebrows are furrowed, not quite distressed but still manages to make Yoongi worried with the way he’s quick to reply.
“You don’t have to say anything right now. In fact, don’t. Just know that this doesn’t change anything between us. I’m still your best friend but I’m not going to try and hide my feelings anymore. Tell me your answer when you’re ready.”
Hoseok still doesn’t quite understand. What answer? Yoongi hadn’t even asked him out; he just confessed. There wasn’t anything to say unless Yoongi wanted him tell him that he didn’t like Yoongi, at least not in the you’re-cute-and-I’ve-always-thought-that-and-I-want-to-date-you like. Maybe he wanted Hoseok to begin liking him in that way, making Hoseok see him in a new light.
The thought is confirmed with the way Yoongi’s fiddling with the hairs that start higher up at the nape of Hoseok’s neck and he’s looking up from Hoseok’s lips to his eyes, his long eyelashes curling up slowly and elegantly and hope reflected in every action.
Hoseok’s not going to straight out reject his best friend without giving it a try, even if he thinks a little time isn’t going to change anything. He’s not sure if he’s able to look at Yoongi as anything other than his best friend but a six year friendship should mean more to him than the feeling of giving up is. He owes it to Yoongi who used to follow Hoseok whenever the younger ditched school and still does it to this day.
“Okay.”
Hoseok will never forget the way Yoongi’s eyes lit up when he said such a simple one worded agreement.
Hoseok remembers the first time he saw Yoongi cry.
It was sophomore year for Hoseok and junior year for Yoongi. They had already established each other as best friends with daily jokes and shared secrets, glances changed into words. Rain pelted on the windows of Hoseok’s house, the ceiling leaking in that spot between the living room and kitchen because Hoseok’s dad never got around to fixing it. His mom yells at her husband to just call someone instead but he grumbles that he can do it. Hoseok always laugh at his parents’ squabbles because it’s endearing.
He opens the door and is surprised by a drenched Yoongi. His black long-sleeve t-shirt clings to his torso. It’s when Yoongi looks up, eyes and nose red, that Hoseok finds himself more surprised, a clench on his heart. Hoseok welcomes him into the house, has him in his room before his parents can ask who it is, and wraps a spare towel around Yoongi’s shoulder. His hair drips onto it. Hoseok looks through his drawers to try and find clothing for the boy behind him.
“I’m gay.”
Yoongi had said it like he was ashamed, as if it was disgusting for him to even exist. Hoseok doesn’t see his expression, doesn’t quite know if he even wants to, but his tone is enough to know. He does what a best friend should do. He turns around, throws the search for clothing for a little later, and wraps Yoongi in his arms even if the other is still completely drenched because getting wet is the least of his problems.
“It’s okay.” Hoseok had said. “You’re still Min Yoongi. You’re still you.”
He steps away enough to look into Yoongi’s eyes, hands on delicate shoulders, and smiles.
“You’re still my best friend.”
Don’t hate yourself is what he says when he holds Yoongi’s trembling body again.
Hoseok will eventually realize later, a lot later in college after Yoongi confesses to him, that maybe his words could’ve hurt Yoongi even more. But just the reassurance that Yoongi wasn’t any different in Hoseok’s eyes has the elder comforted, romance and the eventual sting in his heart discarded.
They shared a bed for the first time that night because the sobs that raked Yoongi’s body hadn’t ceased and Hoseok’s heart couldn’t stop hurting if he wasn’t there to aid his best friend.
Hoseok will also realize later in life that he had hurt Yoongi too much because after entering college, Hoseok has hands wrapped around a tiny waist, long hair tickling his fingers. A feminine laughter filling the dorm room and Yoongi next to him, eyes downcasted. He hurts Yoongi because he tells him that he’s in love with the girl.
He ends up hurting his best friend even more when Yoongi catches him in the middle of shoving his hands down another dude’s pants, tongue on neck. The guy runs away from embarrassment and it leaves Hoseok and Yoongi alone in a dimly lit dorm room. He hurts Yoongi tremendously with an awkward, “I’m bi.”
Because Hoseok had never said anything to Yoongi and Yoongi feels betrayed when Hoseok was the first to know Yoongi’s sexuality. Hoseok was the first to ever know anything, besides the little fact of his feelings. He’s heartbroken because if Hoseok likes boys too then − why couldn’t it be me?
The following days after aren’t exactly what Hoseok had initially thought it would be like. Yoongi acts normal, messing with Hoseok the same way Hoseok does with him and pretends he’s annoyed with Hoseok when he forces Yoongi to do stupid things with him.
“It’ll be hilarious when Seokjin Hyung wakes up with a skunk on his bed.”
“Not if the skunk sprays on us or if Seokjin Hyung realizes it was us and we end up dead.”
So Hoseok acts normal with him too. The only thing different are the small things. The way Yoongi seems more focused when Hoseok talks or the way he initiates more skinship with Hoseok when Hoseok is usually the one who does. The way he shamelessly looks over at Hoseok rather than stealing glances at the younger boy and stares a little too long sometimes, something he probably hadn’t let himself do before. The way Yoongi doesn’t hide his blush whenever Hoseok’s a little too close to him and blatantly tells Hoseok, who’s making fun of him, that he’s the reason why Yoongi’s blushing in the first place.
Hoseok acts like these things don’t bother him, doesn’t make him feel flustered, but it does because Yoongi acts so smitten and it’s the first time he’s ever seen him this way. It’s a new side of Yoongi that Hoseok hadn’t known before even when Yoongi had dated other people. Hoseok doesn’t particularly dislike it; it’s easier to convince Yoongi to do whatever Hoseok desires. But it’s burdensome to a degree, especially when Hoseok knows about the other’s feelings and he doesn’t feel like there’s any development in his.
Of course, that changes soon.
It’s a Sunday night and Hoseok’s going to get smashed drunk if he doesn’t stop drinking. Namjoon had wanted to go out since they hadn’t hung out in a while and so the four of them, Seokjin tagging along with Namjoon and Hoseok arriving with Yoongi, go to a bar. They started off with just a drinking game, Hoseok always being horrible at these games and tipping back a few shots into his throat after numerous losses, but eventually Hoseok starting drinking just for the heck of it and there are too many bottles of soju littered on the table.
“Okay, you should stop now.” Yoongi takes away a shot out of his hand.
“Why? The night’s still young and we need to finish this bottle before we go.” Hoseok holds up a bottle of soju that is only half empty to prove his point and tries stealing back the shot glass out of Yoongi’s hand. Yoongi takes away the bottle too and Hoseok is left pouting.
“Actually, Seokjin and I should go. We have a class tomorrow and it might not be in the morning but we’ll need that morning to sober up.” Namjoon says as he gets up, Seokjin following him out of the booth.
“Okay, bye. It was nice hanging out.” Yoongi waves and Hoseok isn’t quite coherent enough to do anything other than wave too. He’s still trying to steal the shot glass. Seokjin smiles and grabs a hold of Namjoon’s hand before leaving.
“Get home safe.” He says over his shoulder and Yoongi waves a hand to shoo them away.
Once they’re gone, Hoseok’s even more insistent for another drink because Hoseok and Yoongi are alone and it hasn’t been a problem for the past week but alcohol is involved now and Hoseok never thinks quite straight when he’s intoxicated. He’s nervous but he covers it with his need for another drink.
“Stop it. I’m the one taking you home and I’m not going to carry deadweight.” Yoongi says and places the soju bottle on the other side of him that Hoseok isn’t at. He tips the shot glass into the back of his throat just so Hoseok won’t try to grab it anymore. Yoongi winces at the taste; he’s never really liked drinking.
Hoseok pouts even more at this and rests his cheek on his hand, elbow on the table, and groans. Without much to do, he runs his eyes over Yoongi’s face and he looks a little flushed, evidence of alcohol consumption. Hoseok’s not close enough to see every little thing across Yoongi’s face but he does notice the pointed ends of his mahogany eyes and smooth curve of his pale cheeks. Everything about him looks soft and it might just be because Hoseok’s buzzed but it also might not be. He’s always known that Yoongi was beautiful but ethereal was another thing and that was the only word able to describe Yoongi at this point. Hoseok feels struck by it, struck by Yoongi’s unbelievable beauty, and his lips, oh his lips, are so pink. They’re a little chapped from neglect and Yoongi sticks his tongue out to give his lips moisture that doesn’t do much. They’re glistening, even more from the light fixture above them, and Hoseok has a sudden urge to −
“Let’s make out.”
It catches Yoongi off guard and he’s choking on air. Hoseok moves over to pat him on the back as he grabs a cup of water to drink.
“What did you say?” Yoongi wheezes out after he finishes the entire cup and Hoseok feels really tipsy.
“Let’s make out.” He repeats. He’s not quite thinking it through and it’s too late for the rational part of his mind to argue against him. Hoseok’s not drunk but he’s drank enough to let himself stare at Yoongi’s lips a little too long. He stares in Yoongi’s eyes a lot longer though, even when things tend to go back and forth between focus.
“Are you serious? You’re not messing with me?” Yoongi sounds accusatory and suspicious as if Hoseok has dark intentions behind it and Hoseok feels bad, pouting. The underlying meaning of you’re playing with my feelings upsets him.
“Of course, I’m serious. I would never.” Hoseok says, sitting up straight. Now he’s not quite sure if he likes Yoongi the way Yoongi likes him but if he thinks Yoongi’s lips are nice and he wants to do something about them, then he definitely feels something for the other and he’s definitely serious about it because the urge to feel his lips becomes stronger. It takes Yoongi a few seconds to mull over it before nodding his head.
“Okay.”
It sounds small and nervous and Yoongi is moving closer to Hoseok, thighs touching, but he doesn’t make the first move. His gaze is lowered to Hoseok’s chest and he’s fiddling with his fingers, nervousness obvious. He waits for Hoseok to do whatever he wants with him and he looks so vulnerable right now. So precious to just give away his heart to Hoseok.
Hoseok places a hand on the side of Yoongi’s cheeks, warmth radiating, and carefully rests his lips on Yoongi’s. It feels exactly like the first time they had kissed, just a tad wetter, and Yoongi is the one who deepens it, a surge of courage he didn’t know he could have in this moment. An arm wraps around Hoseok’s waist and pulls him closer while his other hand lies softly on Hoseok’s lap.
Unlike the last time they had done this, Hoseok lets himself enjoy it. Yoongi tastes like how the moon makes him feel – serene − yet it’s like all four seasons rushing through him, leaving a tinge of excitement at the tip of his tongue where Yoongi swallows it down. He finds that he likes this feeling, a feeling only Yoongi has given him and maybe a feeling only Yoongi will ever give him. They sit there, lips moving against each other and tongues doing whatever they please, for a good few minutes before Hoseok pulls away because breathing is getting really hard to do against Yoongi’s lips.
“That was nice.” Hoseok breathes out, smiling, and Yoongi returns it. He’s still flushed but Hoseok thinks it’s for a different reason now.
“Yeah.”
It’s not an answer, not really, and Yoongi knows it because they go back to normal the next day, or at least the new normal they gained within a week. They don’t ignore what happened because Yoongi holds onto Hoseok’s hands more confidently and Hoseok just lets Yoongi. He doesn’t quite feel the same way but he doesn’t mind holding hands with the other, never has, and that’s a start.
“Hey.” Park Jimin says as he saunters over to where Yoongi and Hoseok are seated.
It’s lunch time and they’ve just got out of class, managing to find a seat before other school-stressed hungry students took all of the good seats. They’re in the middle of complaining on Professor Kim’s teaching methods, ones that include too much homework that aren’t relevant to the topic being taught, when they hear a familiar voice.
Yoongi looks up and smiles, showing teeth and gums and looking all too happy when it’s directed to an ex-boyfriend. It bothers Hoseok a little, like an itch at the part of his back that he can’t quite reach to scratch, but he ignores it because he doesn’t like jealousy. Especially when Jimin had been someone who stole too much time away from Yoongi being spent with Hoseok in those six months they dated, too many moments of Hoseok being lonely and missing moments that could’ve been spent with Yoongi because they always spent those moments together and − it’s so easy to be jealous.
But this type of jealousy, the kind that crashed into him and left him freezing, is different from before when it would only leave a small burn of reality. This jealousy makes him feel remarkably uncomfortable, knocking him off his feet, and thoughts racing about running away before he could catch a cold.
“Hey.” Yoongi says.
“Hey.” Hoseok replies in a small voice which earns a worried look from the other seated across from him.
“Can I have a seat? Everywhere else is kind of taken.” Jimin sheepishly laughs and it’s cute, so cute that Hoseok finds it disgusting because it makes Yoongi laugh too.
“Yeah.” He moves his backpack from the seat next to him, accommodating to Jimin. Hoseok wants to tell Jimin to go away, which would only make Yoongi throw questionable looks at him and leave an awkward air between all three of them, or at the very least tell Jimin to sit next to him instead, which wouldn’t make sense because Yoongi’s bag is already on the floor and Jimin’s already seating himself next to Yoongi.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. I can sympathize and take pity on those in need.” They both laugh and this is where Hoseok would usually throw in a joke of his own, something along the line of Yoongi never doing that for him, but he’s bothered by the two and so he stays silent.
He stays silent the entire lunch period while Yoongi and Jimin are chatting amongst themselves and he only agrees with them whenever they include him in the conversation or smiles when Yoongi glances at him worriedly from time to time. They reminisce about an embarrassingly horrible night at a concert while they were dating and Hoseok feels left out because he obviously didn’t go with them. It suddenly reminds him of a barely 20-year-old Yoongi crashing onto the bed and whispering out a Jimin broke up with me in a room that was plenty quiet to hear and a Hoseok who’s about to talk but is shut up by an it’s okay.
Jimin leaves after he finishes his lunch, not without telling Yoongi to not be late for their study group on Thursday. He’s by the door with Kim Taehyung when Hoseok looks up and he’s just a little curious as to what they might be.
“Is there something wrong?” Yoongi says the moment Jimin’s gone, hand shooting out to rest on top of Hoseok’s.
“No, nothing.” Hoseok says in a way that he hoped was nonchalant but comes out as an obvious lie.
“Something has to be. You were too quiet for the past thirty minutes.” Yoongi holds onto his hand, worry more evident as the seconds pass by, and Hoseok’s mad at himself for causing this.
He knows Yoongi and Jimin stayed friends after they had broken up, that they attend the same biology class and study together, that they hang out sometimes by themselves and Hoseok hasn’t minded. But with the new knowledge of Yoongi actually liking Hoseok, he doesn’t understand how Yoongi could have dated someone else if he had liked Hoseok the entire time and the thought of Yoongi still friends with someone who he’d had a romantic relationship makes him feel sick.
“No, really. I’m just a bit stressed over the homework. I still have five pages to do before the next class.” He lets out a convincing smile and Yoongi doesn’t let go of his hand, still clearly worried.
The question hangs on his mind like laundry that won’t quite dry right and Hoseok finds himself asking Yoongi as he’s reading his textbook. Just a day after the Jimin incident.
“What?” Yoongi eyes are furrowed and he looks up from the words. He looks conflicted by the three chapters he’s just read but also by Hoseok’s question.
“You dated Jimin but you said that you’ve −” Hoseok stops himself because he feels a blush creeping up from the back of his neck to his ears. His fingers won’t stop playing with his much-too-ripped skinny jeans and he finishes it in a smaller voice, “You’ve always liked me.”
“Oh.” is all Yoongi says.
The room suddenly feels smaller and Yoongi’s once king-sized bed feels like a twin sized bed, a kiddie bed even. Hoseok’s ears feel like they’re burning. He feels like he’s too close to Yoongi and so he slowly migrates to the edge of the bed, only half-facing Yoongi and one foot set on the floor. He hears the close of the book, probably a few pages squished bent in the middle, and a shuffling around with the blankets, Yoongi probably sitting straighter and the textbook placed beside him, nonexistent at this point.
“Well,” Yoongi starts and Hoseok stares at Yoongi’s hands, elegant and a little smaller than his, too nervous to look into Yoongi’s deep eyes, “I was trying to get over you.”
He looks up into those same eyes when Yoongi pauses.
“I met Jimin and he was nice. I liked him, evidently not much as a romantic interest but it was more than as a friend. Everything with him was a bit muddy, if you put my feelings into term, but it was a nice few months dating him. I still didn’t get over you and he, um,” Yoongi’s cheeks are a light fuchsia and he sinks lower into the mattress, a little ashamed with the way he fiddles with the blanket and clears his throat.
“He kind of, sort of figured out my feelings for you and he cut the relationship off. The break up wasn’t that bad – he was hurt and I was sorry – but other than that, there wasn’t much to it. We were good friends before we dated and maintained a good relationship throughout dating and Jimin, well, you know Jimin’s nice. He asked to stay friends and I didn’t mind.”
Hoseok doesn’t really say anything. He feels a little smug and a lowkey relief with the fact that Yoongi wasn’t able to get rid of his feelings but on the other hand, he feels bad for an otherwise good relationship. Hoseok never admitted it, too bitter with loneliness and a little possessive, but he thought they were cute together with Jimin’s bright smiles and Yoongi’s equally bright laughs. Jimin must’ve been heartbroken and Yoongi might’ve not been but Hoseok remembers a Yoongi sprawled on a bed and sighing out the words of their break-up like exhaling smoke from his lungs. He wants to apologize, not sure for what, but he wants to and he opens his mouth but –
“Don’t.” Yoongi interrupts and he sends a small smile to Hoseok, really just a lift of the sides but an okay written in the creases on his lips nonetheless, “It was my feelings that got in the way. It was me. And everything is okay now. Everything is better now.”
Hoseok wants to say something, anything, but nothing comes out and his reply comes in a small smile.
Hoseok and Yoongi hang out with each other anytime they can and this time, it’s in the confines of Hoseok’s one bedroom apartment. The living room’s small, only big enough for a two-seater couch, a coffee table of the same length and a 24-inch TV that Hoseok has to squint at times to actually see. There’s not much walk room and that’s fine as long as he doesn’t have to pay more than $750 for rent when he’s barely scraping by. It’s the first place he got when he moved out for college and it’s satisfying for him to know that he made it on his own. He’s lucky that he even has a kitchen, an occasional luxury for when Seokjin comes over to cook for him.
“Don’t die.” Yoongi groans, bumping shoulders with Hoseok. It doesn’t help and Hoseok bumps back to show his annoyance.
They’re on the tenth round of Call of Duty’s zombie stage and Yoongi died. Hoseok couldn’t reach him in time to revive him and he could only come back if Hoseok passed the round. Considering all of the zombies that were chasing him, he wasn’t sure if it could happen, even less likely if Yoongi was going to physically bother him.
“I will if only to spite you.” Hoseok replies and despite his words, he’s still running and killing the walking carcasses behind him as he goes.
There’s only three, maybe four, zombies left and Hoseok’s going to kill them all. He’s going to pass this round, bringing Yoongi back, and – and Yoongi walks across the screen, completely blocking Hoseok’s vision for a second but that second is the only thing needed for the zombies to trample over him, eating whatever of him as they please.
“Yoongi!” Hoseok shrieks, throws his controller onto the coffee table in front of him, and lifts his legs to kick Yoongi but he’s already in the kitchen. The blonde turns around and sees the bloody writing on the screen.
“I wanted a snack. You can’t blame me when you didn’t feed your guest.” Yoongi shrugs and it’s funny how Hoseok’s more angry than Yoongi when he was the one that told Hoseok to not die.
“I barely feed myself.” Hoseok retorts and grabs the controller again, going back to the start up. He hears a crumpling of plastic, the sounds of soft thuds against ceramic, and shuffling feet. He looks up and Yoongi’s back with a bowl of golden mini pretzels, seating himself next to Hoseok again.
“Wow.” His jaw slacks down. “That’s a shit ton of pretzels. Did you just dump the entire bag into that bowl?”
“Of course not.” Yoongi says, scrunching his face in mock offense before breaking into a teasing smile, “Just half of the bag.”
Hoseok shakes his head and bumps shoulders with Yoongi so that the pretzel in his hand falls onto his pants. Yoongi picks the pretzel up and throws it into Hoseok’s face. Hoseok picks it up and eats it, satisfied and laughing when Yoongi contorts his face in disgust.
“You better finish the whole bowl.”
“As if you won’t eat it with me.” Yoongi scoffs, “Whatever. Let’s watch a movie instead.”
They watch a movie on Netflix, stealing Jungkook’s account, and he’s gonna know and he’s going to threaten with changing his password if they don’t stop because I can’t watch my shows, Hyung, if both you and Namjoon Hyung are watching something.
Hoseok usually retorts with get an upgrade because he knows Jungkook’s not going to follow through with his threat and that he’s also not going to get an upgrade because another $4.99 added on to his costs would be a waste if it could’ve been spent on a much needed meal. Hoseok, on the other hand, has the conscience to be apologetic when he remembers how Jungkook sacrifices meals just to pay for everything, his dorm costs and tuition included, so he buys Jungkook occasional meals when the other is swept with work and school. It’s the least he can do if he steals away the younger’s little free time.
Hoseok’s too absorbed into the movie, laughing and pointing out scenes while commenting, that he doesn’t notice Yoongi’s silence when he’d usually laugh or tell Hoseok to shut up or both. He’s completely thrown off when he turns his head to the other, another remark about to roll off his tongue, and sees that Yoongi’s already staring at him. It hits him like a baseball in a poorly played game that maybe Yoongi had been staring at him the entire thirty minutes through the movie.
Yoongi quirks an eyebrow, not even trying to hide his staring, and it confirms the startling thought in Hoseok’s mind. It’s quickly swept away though when he becomes more bothered with the way Yoongi doesn’t seem abashed by this, more daring, and he feel a sudden heat on his back. It creeps its way through his body and he thinks a sweat bead just rolled down behind his knee.
Turning away with an awkward cough, Hoseok continues to watch the movie with a new feeling of nervousness because he can feel Yoongi’s eyes roaming on him now. His hand lies down next to his thigh and he feels a heat near it, definitely the elder’s smaller hand, but it’s not quite touching him. He thinks Yoongi might try to hold his hand, he probably wants to, but he never does.
An hour later, the movie finishes and Hoseok had managed to focus on the movie enough to remember the scenes. He doubts Yoongi had.
They sit on the couch for a few minutes as the credits roll and Hoseok turns to Yoongi because he can’t quite ignore the other, doesn’t quite want to feel this odd awkwardness. The other looks at him, expectant as to what Hoseok might say, and their hands are still close enough to touch – to hold − but they leave it where it is. Hoseok stares at Yoongi, throwing his embarrassment away, and lets himself just look at Yoongi. He might as well if the blonde had been doing the same to him for over an hour.
Yoongi’s wispy blonde hair is disarrayed in spots but it’s nice and it manages to somehow highlight how soft each individual strand probably is. His eyes are still trained on Hoseok, not quite so much waiting for words to exchange between them anymore, and Hoseok doesn’t mind. He sees a moon in Yoongi, a dim glow within his actions and shown more brightly in his eyes. It’s dark out and the moon is probably out there, like it always is or tries to be, but Hoseok thinks that moon couldn’t possibly out beat Yoongi. That moon is too easily hidden behind clouds and day while Yoongi is a moon that doesn’t have to fight against those to show himself. It’s effortless, the way he swipes away the fringe out of his eyes and it falls slowly back down.
Hoseok realizes belatedly that they ended up eating all of the pretzels within the span of the movie, not even just the entire bowl of but the entire bag. They’re thirsty and dehydrated from the salty snack and Yoongi tears his eyes away from Hoseok, about to get up for a drink of water, but Hoseok doesn’t let him, thirsty for something else, and does something that he didn’t think he would have the courage or insanity to do without a shot of soju.
He wraps his hand around the back of Yoongi’s neck and pulls the other in, lips smacking right into each other. It hurts and he thinks he might taste iron but he also tastes Yoongi and the elder tastes sweet despite what they just ate and he can’t pull away. Yoongi’s hands come up to Hoseok’s chest and he thinks he’s going to be pushed away, Yoongi probably confused by Hoseok’s actions lately and having enough of it, but Yoongi only grabs a hold of his white t-shirt to pull him in closer, their chest touching.
Somehow Hoseok ends up straddling Yoongi, knees on each side of Yoongi’s nicely shaped thighs and hovering above him, with Yoongi’s fingers clasping onto his hair and Hoseok’s arms wrapped securely around the elder’s thin waist. Their lips move heatedly against each other, tongues exploring areas that has both of them whining, and it’s a little uncomfortable because Hoseok’s taller than Yoongi but he’s the one that’s straddling so he has to bend down even more, Yoongi with his neck bent back more, for them to even meet each other’s lips. It doesn’t matter though because all Hoseok wants is a taste of Yoongi and if this is how he gets it, then he’ll make do.
Even when they pull apart, gasping for much needed air into their lungs, they’re back together again not even a second later because Hoseok can’t get enough of Yoongi and Yoongi probably feels the same way with the way he’s holding on a little tighter to Hoseok’s chestnut locks.
“Maybe −” Yoongi pulls away, a hand on Hoseok’s chest and gasping for air. “Maybe I should go?”
Hoseok doesn’t know what to make of this but it’s not like Yoongi’s malicious in his comment, fingers grasping the front of his shirt like feathers.
“Yeah.” He mumbles.
Yoongi goes home with crimson cheeks that Hoseok’s starting to be used to at this point.
Eventually, it becomes obvious that Hoseok’s attracted to Yoongi, if their occasional make out sessions mean anything. But Hoseok doesn’t want to tell Yoongi that he likes him if he’s only doing it to kiss Yoongi. And Yoongi’s such a sweetheart that he doesn’t get mad or question Hoseok when he grabs onto the blonde’s neck, pulling him into what he knows is a kiss waiting for him. He doesn’t ask for Hoseok’s answer like Hoseok thinks he will and he feels bad, absolutely horrible, if every kiss he’s given to Yoongi isn’t out of the same feelings that Yoongi has for him every time.
“Why do you like me?”
The platinum blonde stops arranging segments of melodies and turns to Hoseok. He looks a little surprised, suddenly and instantly drawn out of his music because it’s Hoseok talking to him, but he replies not too long after the question.
“Well, you’re an idiot.” Hoseok’s offended and he’s about to retort but Yoongi places a finger on his lips, “But I find it endearing most of the time.”
He gives a soft smile that isn’t very Yoongi and is more like the new Yoongi Hoseok’s known recently, smitten. Instead of feeling burdened, it causes a little flip in his heart and he thinks well, isn’t that nice. His hand comes down onto Hoseok’s knee, a small squeeze that makes Hoseok feel comforted.
“You’re jokes are absolute trash but it still manages to make me laugh.”
“So you like me for being an idiot and making horrible jokes.” Hoseok deadpans and he’s about to even give up on the question when Yoongi continues.
“No,” He laughs, teeth and gum showing, and the hand on Hoseok’s knee feels warmer than he thought. Hoseok swears Yoongi has the same ethereal glow he had about a couple of weeks ago at the bar. The same glow that made it so compelling to kiss the blonde. Or maybe it’s a glow that Yoongi’s always had because he’s a moon that Hoseok had only newly discovered. “I like you because I just do. There’s not really one reason. It’s more like all the reasons together and really, just because you’re you. I just really like you and I don’t really question why. I just feel it and I know.”
He’s smiling like a love-struck fool, the usual light tinge of rose grazing his pale cheeks, and Hoseok thinks – he doesn’t think. He shouldn’t think sometimes. He feels that Yoongi’s smile is the brightest thing in the world, especially when most are reserved just for him, and knows that his body has always naturally gravitated towards the other, spotting Yoongi within a large crowd easily even when Yoongi wasn’t the only blonde one and still had black hair. He likes the grumbling of a half-asleep Yoongi and the way his face scrunches in disgust or annoyance because it’s adorable.
Maybe there wasn’t a line between friendship and romance like Hoseok had initially thought there was.
Hoseok likes Yoongi, as in the you’re-really-cute-and-I-can’t-stand-how-cute-you-are-so-I-like-to-put-my-lips-on-yours way, and maybe if he says it right now Yoongi will smile and blush like the smitten person he’s shown around Hoseok lately and throw his arms around the other and kiss him senseless.
But Hoseok thinks it’ll be better if he does it when he doesn’t feel so way in over his head by the realization. It’s new, the tingly feeling in his fingertips – the extreme want of Yoongi’s lips and Yoongi’s body close to his and just Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi.
He really likes his best friend and he’s not worried about them being awkward around each when they weren’t awkward after Yoongi’s confession. He just needs a little time to settle into the thought of dating someone he hadn’t thought of ever dating before just a month ago, the realization not quite knocking him off his feet but still making him stumble a bit.
Days pass and Hoseok still can’t find in himself to do anything with his feelings. He’s had countless time spent with Yoongi. Heck, he spends almost every second with him with a newly developed appreciation of the other and he still. Hasn’t. Said. Anything. There isn’t really a perfect moment for him to say “hey, Yoongi, you know how you said you like me? Well, I like you too so now let’s live happily ever after” but maybe those moments where Yoongi is just staring at him like Hoseok has every star in the universe in his smile or when Yoongi coyly scoots closer to Hoseok in a room with only them just because he wants to, maybe those moments are when Hoseok should’ve just let the confession roll off his tongue.
The two of them walk out of class together and Hoseok feels like he has a headache from all the information swimming in his brain. It’s dark out already when it’s just a little past 6 and he feels tired enough to end the day early.
“Hey, wanna come over?” Yoongi says in mid-stride and Hoseok takes a glance over at the other, dim lights illuminating Yoongi’s face.
“Yeah, sure.”
Hoseok doesn’t ask why; there’s never been a why in hanging out with each other because there doesn’t need to be. But Hoseok still feels like falling asleep and doesn’t know if he’s quite up for it.
Yoongi’s place is a little nicer than Hoseok’s. There’s more room and it doesn’t feel so cramped and the heater works better. That’s always a plus. Yoongi has a small work desk in the corner of his living room because it didn’t fit in his room. He says it’s better it worked out that way anyways, that it’s better for his bedroom to be just for sleep. There’s only a bed in there and a night stand, all of his clothes hung in the adequate closet.
Hoseok knows better that Yoongi spends more time in the living room, often sleeping on his couch with a stiff neck in the morning because he doesn’t quite make it to his room when he just wants to knock out. Hoseok often finds him curled on the three-seater couch, no blanket or pillow and the heater not running because Yoongi’s forgotten to turn it on, and he often brings the pillow from Yoongi’s bed to slide under his head, the blanket draped over him. He often turns the heater on, pats Yoongi’s head softly with a sleep tight, and leaves the apartment so Yoongi isn’t bothered in his sleep because Hoseok knows he’s a loud person even when he tries to be quiet.
They make it into the apartment with no problem, lucky the elevator hadn’t felt so lonely to trap them in like a few times before. It’s always getting fixed but it’s also always getting broken.
“You want something to drink?” Yoongi asks from the kitchen, the refrigerator door blocking half of his body when he’s bent over.
“No, I’m good.” Hoseok replies from the couch, settling his bag next to Yoongi’s that was carelessly thrown next to the coffee table.
Yoongi comes back with two water bottles, one thrown into Hoseok’s lap, and sits next to Hoseok while taking a small sip from his, setting it down onto the table. Hoseok chuckles shortly, an of course falling from his lips softly as he opens the bottle for a small drink. He places it next to Yoongi’s.
“What movie should we watch this time?” Yoongi asks, looking through Jungkook’s Netflix.
“Let’s just re-watch Taken.” Hoseok says. He doesn’t want to waste a few minutes to look for a movie they haven’t seen when it might just be shitty.
Not even ten minutes into the movie, Hoseok’s phone rings and Yoongi lifts his back from the cushions of the couch to reach for it.
“Who is it?” Hoseok says through a yawn.
“It’s Jungkook.” Yoongi laughs and Hoseok laughs too because they already know what would be said when the call is picked up.
“Get off my fucking Netflix account.” Jungkook’s voice is static through the device but his anger surely isn’t hidden. There’s no hi, no hyung, and he gets straight to the point. “This is the first night I’ve had a break from work in months and I’m not paying for a Netflix account that I never get to use.”
Yoongi looks over at Hoseok, a glint in his mahogany eyes, and Hoseok nods, knows what he’s going to do.
“Get an upgrade.” Yoongi borrows Hoseok’s words, voice so calm it could be aggravating, and hangs up before Jungkook gets into a string of curses. They both laugh so hard it rakes through their bodies and they’re leaning against each other for support. Despite what happened, Hoseok wants to be nice and grabs the phone. He texts a call Namjoon to get off in place of his and Yoongi’s shared rudeness.
The rest of the night is quiet with the movie running. Hoseok’s yawns come more frequently and his eyes have a dying want to close, burning slightly. He does what his body wants, closes his eyes, and soon the voices from the TV are slowly getting quieter.
Hoseok feels a hand shaking him lightly awake and he doesn’t open his eyes, knows he’s fallen asleep in the middle of the movie and doesn’t know what time it is but doesn’t really care.
“Come on.” He hears Yoongi’s soft whisper, maybe a smile in there somewhere, “Let’s go sleep in my room.”
He’s being dragged while half-asleep to the bedroom, Yoongi’s thin arm wrapped around Hoseok’s waist and holding Hoseok’s hand that’s thrown around Yoongi’s neck. He only lets go of his hand to open the door and Hoseok finds himself plopped down onto a springy mattress. The blanket is gently thrown over him and pulled up to his chin. Yoongi walks to the other side of the bed and settles under the blankets too.
The blanket smells like Yoongi, a hint of vanilla somewhere, but Hoseok prefers to smell Yoongi himself than a reminisce of him. He moves closer to the blonde, arm placed on his midriff and pulling Yoongi until Hoseok’s chest touches Yoongi’s arm. The only thing separating them are clothes but Hoseok feels so warm and likes it so much that he can feel Yoongi’s calming heartbeat through them, only a small stutter in between beats. His head lies on Yoongi’s shoulders, face stuffed in the other’s neck, while Yoongi moves his arm under Hoseok’s head, arm bent around his head lovingly and running chestnut strands of hair between his fingers. Hoseok presses his lips into Yoongi’s neck; Yoongi replies with a soft placement of his lips on the top of Hoseok’s head.
There are no words spoken between them but everything’s already said. Hoseok’s breath evens out with Yoongi’s lips still on him and his hair still in small fingers, dreams of the moon welcoming him back into sleep.
Good night.
Hoseok’s answer comes in holding hands with warmth, public kisses that has Yoongi blushing, and sleepovers wrapped in the scent of Yoongi. He’s not quite sure Yoongi knows that’s his answer but he reciprocates, less careful and more fearless. Words don’t come out but he thinks words aren’t exactly needed. Of course, he’s wrong.
“Hey, Hoseok.” Lee Soobin says, a tone of light amusement implicated.
Hoseok stops walking and lets out a breathy chuckle. “Hey.”
This is a girl Hoseok once found himself stuttering over, a girl who’s held Hoseok’s heart before, who had broken that same heart and it should be more awkward but Hoseok’s relieved that it isn’t. The meeting is unexpected but not really either if they attend the same school. It makes less sense for them to have not come across each other for, what, three years now?
“Hi, Yoongi.” She says, not forgetting the boy next to Hoseok.
“Hey.” Yoongi replies in small voice. Hoseok looks next to him, confused but mostly bothered.
It’s just small talk and friendly. Soobin’s getting married and Hoseok’s surprised; it’s a little early in age but it makes sense if it’s the right person. He congratulates her whole heartedly and she laughs at him when he tells her he passed chemistry. She says he’s always been a struggle in science and it’s a little too familiar for Yoongi’s taste. The conversation doesn’t last more than a casual five minutes before she leaves for a class.
Yoongi walks away first, a rush sense in every step and his hands are clenched tightly by his side. It doesn’t take much for Hoseok to reach him, legs a little longer, and he grabs onto the blonde’s wrist. Yoongi reels around, eyebrows furrowed and lips pressed together tightly as if he doesn’t want to say what he wants to say. That only lasts for a split second.
“Do you know what it’s like to watch you fall in love with someone else?” Yoongi sounds so weak and his eyes are filled with unshed tears.
Hoseok won’t lie and admit to it. He doesn’t know because while watching Yoongi date Jimin, Hoseok hadn’t felt anything but lonely and misplaced. He didn’t feel heartbroken or breath shortening from just watching them together. Even in his most serious relationship, even when the girl had broken his heart and he found her months after fallen for someone else, he had completely wiped her off his mind at that point. No, Hoseok doesn’t know, but if seeing Hoseok with his ex is anything like looking at Yoongi with Jimin a few weeks ago, then he gets a hint of what Yoongi feels.
Hoseok’s lucky, he thinks, that Yoongi hadn’t been in any serious relationship because just the thought of Yoongi’s hands on anyone else other than Hoseok now or those hands on Yoongi or Yoongi looking into their eyes like they’re the only ones he’ll ever see has Hoseok intolerably sick.
There are a million things he wants to say, I’m sorry being one of them, but he settles for something else he figured he’d tell Yoongi eventually.
“I like you.” Hoseok says, fingers still wrapped loosely around the blonde’s thin wrist. “I really, really like you.”
Yoongi’s tears fall and he replies with “You’re a jerk.”
Because Yoongi had been so unsure whenever Hoseok held him or kissed him and so insecure when Hoseok reunited with someone who had Hoseok crying whist drunk, sobs of how much he had loved her.
Hoseok’s hands rest on soft cheeks, thumbs wiping at fallen tears. Yoongi looks up into his eyes, sniffles coming out quietly and eyebrows furrowed. Hoseok thinks he looks cute like this despite confliction across his beautiful face.
“I’m not going to ask you to date me.” Hoseok starts and he sees Yoongi’s eyes dim, feels Yoongi trying to move back and maybe run away from a possible heartbreak, but he leaves his hands where they are and moves closer to the other, “because we’re already dating.”
This has another tear fall and another “You’re a jerk”, albeit more weakly, directed at him but Yoongi lifts his lips up a little and that’s all Hoseok needs. He wipes that last tear before pressing his lips lightly against Yoongi’s pink, chapped ones. It’s an innocent press of their lips and they don’t deepen it because this is all they need, all they’ll ever need. They just want the warmth of each other.
Hoseok still feels seasons pass through him and he smiles within the kiss. It’s Yoongi that breaks away, pale nose now red from useless tears.
“We’ll go on a proper date, yeah?” He asks and it’s timid, somehow still unsure, and Hoseok confirms it with a quick peck on Yoongi’s cheek.
“Of course.”
Their first official date is a dinner at a moderate, three-star restaurant where Hoseok spills water onto the table and Yoongi laughing hysterically when Hoseok apologizes professedly, curses released every other word. Incidentally, some water spills onto the floor and as a waiter comes to assess their situation he slips, falling flat on his butt. At this, Yoongi covers his mouth because he’s laughing even more now and he’s not going to be rude unlike Hoseok who sputters a short laughter before biting his lips to stop. Both of their bodies rake with trembles and it’s getting harder to stop the smiles from their lips. Yoongi reaches over, apologizing to the waiter, and grabs Hoseok’s hand to bolt from their embarrassment. They hadn’t even eaten a meal yet but they’re walking down the street holding hands and not holding in their laughter.
“I can’t believe you −” Yoongi starts, laughter spilling out.
“And the waiter −” Hoseok says, not managing to finish either.
“I feel so bad.” An apologetic tone despite his still laughing self.
Instead of a three-star restaurant, they settle for a McDonald’s meal where they share mildly salty fries and a large soda. They go watch a movie that isn’t really watched because it’s a horror movie and Hoseok prefers to kiss Yoongi than scream like he’s five in front of his boyfriend, not like he hasn’t done it before but it’s a date. Their first official date, in fact, and he’s not going to do that. Yoongi doesn’t mind.
After, they spend a short hour in an arcade, competition high between them, but ultimately Yoongi winning most of the games. They spend the tickets they’ve won on a stuffed Kumamon plushie that Hoseok so graciously gifts Yoongi although most of the tickets were won by the blonde.
They end the date by Yoongi’s door.
Yoongi has his key in, turning it until the door unlocks, and pulls the key out to place back in his pocket. He turns around, back flat against the metal door and it feels cold against his thin flannel. Hoseok sees magenta painting over Yoongi’s cheeks and the other slightly rocks back and forth on his heels and toes. He grabs a hold on one of Yoongi’s hands, the one that isn't occupied with Kumamon, and intertwines their fingers together. It fits so perfectly that Hoseok’s heart stammers.
“I know it’s just the first date.” Hoseok starts and he chuckles despite how clammy his hands are getting. “But I love you.”
Hoseok always knew that he’d have to rectify his confession because ‘like’ can’t possibly describe how it feels to have Yoongi in his arms, to see the moon in Yoongi and only want more.
“I love you too.” Yoongi replies and Hoseok notes that it spills out like it’d been stuffed back down Yoongi’s throat too many times. It sounds relieved.
Hoseok smiles and swoops down to capture Yoongi’s lips within his. They start it slow, lips light and teasing, but they both know they can’t keep it like that for long. Hoseok finds Yoongi’s tongue licking his way through his mouth, a low moan escaping from their lips. Every sensation seems to be amplified when the cold breeze passes by them and the warmth from each other is all they have. Yoongi reaches behind him, hand on the door knob and turning until it clicks open. They stumble but quickly regain themselves.
“You should come in.” Yoongi says in between kisses although they’re both already inside his apartment and Hoseok kicks the door shut.
“I don’t usually have sex on the first date.” Hoseok confesses teasingly and Yoongi lets out a short laugh.
“Shut up.”
He throws Kumamon somewhere in the living room carelessly and has his hands grip onto the front of Hoseok’s loose t-shirt instead. They walk towards Yoongi’s bedroom without lips leaving each other. Hoseok’s head hits a wall and Yoongi’s hips collide with the couch on the way but they’re so absorbed with each other that it doesn’t matter. The door to the bedroom is opened but it doesn’t get closed because they’re already on the bed, Yoongi on top of a breathless Hoseok.
“Hoseok, look at these!” Yoongi’s voice resonates throughout Hoseok’s apartment and Hoseok comes back from the kitchen with leftovers from the night before.
Two months into dating and they’re finding an apartment to live together, one that has a working heater and an elevator that doesn’t break more than twice a week. It might be a little fast but they were always planning to move in together anyways. Dating shouldn’t have thrown it off.
Yoongi had said it first and Hoseok had liked that he’d become more confident with the assurance of Hoseok. It was cheesy and cute with Yoongi’s fingers playing with the hem of Hoseok’s t-shirt and a soft please be my home that Hoseok found too endearing and precious to keep his lips to himself.
“It’s nice but isn’t it a little far from your part-time job?” Hoseok asks while plopping himself right next to the shorter male.
“Yeah but it has a lot of space.”
“We don’t need the space.”
“Well then, what do we need, Mister Jung Hoseok?” Yoongi quirks an eyebrow.
“Each other. That’s all.” It comes out easily. At this, Yoongi sputters with a cute flush. “Whatever.”
Hoseok smiles and wraps his arms around Yoongi’s waist, head resting on his shoulder. “But really, I mean it. As long as I have you, as long as I come home to you, I don’t care.”
Yoongi rests a hand on top of Hoseok’s, his other arm lifted to wrap around Hoseok’s shoulders and fingers playing with chestnut strands.
“Yeah.”
It comes out softly like a half moon on a quiet night when the stars aren’t exactly shining because it’s clouded by city lights. Hoseok wonders when he started feeling the moon without even seeing it, knowing it was there even if he wasn’t near it. He wonders if the moon in the sky could handle Yoongi stealing its glow. Somewhere in the night, sleeping in each other’s hold on a bed that won’t just be Hoseok’s anymore, he hears the moon whisper.
Take it – have him take it all. And keep it.