Archive of Our Own

Rumi had always preferred the sunset to the sunrise. 

The sunset was always beautiful. It always came with a sense of calm and finality. The day had ended and the sky was painted a range of colors from orange to blue. Always beautiful. Always peaceful. 

The sunrise came with a sense of dread. It meant another day to overcome. Another day of challenges. Another day of being a monster. 

Rumi, for as long as she could remember, had always made sure to be awake for the sunrise and never to sleep before the sunset. 

At first, it was because Celine insisted that a hunter always be up with the sun. To make sure they could make the most out of their day. Celine had had her schedule packed ever since her training began. But Rumi always made sure to take the time to just watch the sun rise before she started her day. 

She never knew when her last sunrise would be. 

Being a hunter was a dangerous job. It came with no guarantees of survival or success. Being a demon only lessened her chances. 

It is why she always waited until after sunset to sleep (though she usually didn’t go to bed until hours after). The sunset was beautiful. She wanted to be able to enjoy it since one day she might fall asleep and never have a chance to see it again. 

It was something she learned from her Eomma Celine. She saw the way her mentor would take the time to just watch. Whether it be at the cemetery near the gravestones, watching the leaves fall one by one. Or during rainstorms where she would sit out on the porch and catch raindrops in her hand (she would always aim her hand, ready to flick the droplets in assault before her head turned and she noticed the empty space beside her. She never wiped away the rain though, just let it eventually dry off).

Rumi knew there was beauty in nature. There was kindness to it that you would not find in humanity. The way the trees would let her sit with them, never running off or pointing or laughing at her. Trust she could find in the plants in her garden as they let her take care of them, trusting she would help them thrive. A comfort in knowing the ground would never change, the sky would always be blue, and the grass would always catch her when she falls. 

Yes, nature was kind. 

It is why Rumi took the time to appreciate it. 

But, and she feels guilty thinking about it, there was another reason she enjoyed the sunsets so much. A sunset meant the end of the day. It meant that there was a chance that her struggles could be over. There was a sense of finality when she watched the sun leave. Every night Rumi would say goodbye (and would never hear one back). 

Every night she would head to bed and hope she had done something good. Every night she would fall asleep and hope that this would be the final time she would have to. 

Because Rumi knew she was living on borrowed time. That one day she would see her last sunset. She had always known. 

The golden Honmoon was supposed to make sure of it. 

So Rumi doesn’t know why she’s been allowed to see another sunset. 

She doesn’t know why she’s here right now, in front of their floor to ceiling windows watching as the sun falls. She doesn’t know why she’s been given the chance to say goodbye again (and the smallest part of her, the one that would always hope for the morning after where she could say hello again, is slowly growing). 

She was supposed to create a Golden Honmoon. 

She was supposed to die. 

She had done neither. 

She was starting to think she was right when she was eight and thought the universe was against her. 

So, yes, Rumi was still alive. She had been given the chance to see one more sunset. And Rumi didn’t know if she was grateful. 

Sighing, Rumi resigned herself to the fact that she was probably going to be here the whole night. She never did sleep well when her mind was racing. And seeing as they were on hiatus, there wasn’t any work to be done that could take her mind off this. Maybe she could go down to the gym or the studio. At least then she’d be productive. 

But she couldn’t get herself to move. It was as if she was stuck to the floor. It didn’t matter how cold or uncomfortable it was, she couldn’t leave. She didn’t want to be ungrateful. She should enjoy the night sky. She might never see it again. 

‘Ha! If only.’ 

But it seems like the universe had a different route for her than what had been (what she thought) their agreed upon outcome of her life. 

She doesn’t know how long she sat there, just staring out the windows. She refused to look down to where the people were. Refused to think about how they all had lives and families and how they almost lost all of it because of her. Instead, she looked up to the sky, humming the tune of Golden as she watched the Honmoon ripple. 

She must have been more tired than she thought because she didn’t even notice the presence behind her until she spoke. 

“Do you ever sleep?”

And Rumi did not jump, nope. She merely… had to resettle in her position on the floor.. by sharply turning her head a hundred and eighty degrees to look at the offending person behind her. 

Her glare did nothing to wipe the smirk off Mira’s face unfortunately. 

“Ever heard of knocking?” Rumi grumbled, turning her head back to the windows. 

She could feel Mira roll her eyes even turned away. “You’re in the living room. There aren’t exactly any doors.”

“You could’ve knocked on the floor…

Rumi had hoped that Mira would leave it at that. That she would walk away and leave Rumi to her thoughts. It made her guilty to even think about and she had to fight to not tense up. The girls had accepted her, had let her stay with them even though she had been lying to them. Even though she was a demon. 

But Rumi really didn’t want to talk right now. Not about this. Unfortunately, Mira had always pushed for communication. Which is why she wasn’t exactly surprised to see the pink-haired girl sit next to her. It hurt more that she left a gap between them. Close enough to reach out but not to have any unnecessary touch. 

Still, Rumi didn’t talk. She couldn’t tell her about what was on her mind. 

‘So much for no more lies.’

Rumi was proud that she didn’t have a visible reaction to that thought. And it’s not like she was lying. She just… wasn’t telling them what was upsetting her. 

‘You mean the same thing you were doing with your patterns? And where did that get you?’

Oh, fuck off. Only years of media training from Celine kept her from rolling her eyes. Her mind had never really been a safe space but she hated how recently it had only gotten worse. She used to only hear one voice in her head. One that always pushed her to be better, stronger that sounded suspiciously like Celine. 

Now there was a new one. One that sounded way too much like her own but… worse. It sounded like when she hurt the Honmoon with her demon voice. Rumi hated every time she heard it. And she had been hearing it a lot ever since the first time it came out after the canceled live performance of Golden. 

“Rumi?”

She just really wanted one day where her mind didn’t scream at her for one thing or another. Or, at the very least, could the voices in her head agree to be upset at the same thing? Celine’s The original voice always kept her safe, insisting she hide her patterns and keep her secret. The demon voice only argued. It wanted her to let it out. To display her patterns to the world. 

“Rumi.”

Rumi scoffed just thinking about it. Why would she ever want to show off her patterns? They were a curse. A physical representation of the taint in her soul. The Golden Honmoon was supposed to fix her, to get rid of them. Instead, she had broken the Honmoon entirely. Just one more thing to add to her list of failures-

“Rumi!”

Rumi’s eyes widened as she finally turned to the sound of the voice. Mira was looking at her worriedly, her hand reached out but frozen halfway like she wanted to touch her but had thought better of it. Once she noticed she had her attention, she retracted the hand, moving it back to her side. 

Rumi tried not to frown at that. The girls had been hesitant to touch her ever since they got back from the Idol Awards. Zoey’s hugs that had once been spontaneous and warm and constant were now quick and rare. She could feel Zoey tense up every time her arms wrapped around her before she quickly pulled away, an apology on her lips. Rumi always tried to school her expression, to not show her hurt. 

She missed Zoey’s small touches. The times when she would grab her hand to pull her forward or when she'd latch onto her arm and shake her from pure excitement. 

Now all she would get was awkward waves or Zoey reaching out only to stop and think better of it. 

Like she was scared to touch her. 

Mira wasn’t any better. She had never been one for physical touch when they had first met. It took many months of Zoey’s constant cheerful mood and random acts of physical affection before she began to open up. And once she had gotten used to it, she never stopped them. She still wasn’t one to instigate it but she was always open to receive. 

Now though, Rumi didn’t think Mira would want her in her space and Mira didn’t seem all too eager to get her back in. 

And Rumi knew it was her fault. The girls and her had already talked about everything. She told them about her parents, her patterns, Jinu, and all the lies. She explained everything, answered every question. But she knew they were still hurt. That their trust was broken. And she couldn’t blame them. 

Not when she sometimes still flinched when they moved too quickly. Not when she still covered up all her patterns to keep them from seeing. 

She didn’t blame them for raising their weapons. How could she? They had every right. They were hunters and they saw a demon. Their instinct would of course be to defend themselves. It’s what Celine always said they would do and Celine was always right. 

It’s not like Rumi had nightmares where the girls were less kind. Where they thought she was an imposter personating their friend. Or, worse, that she had been tricking them from the very start. Where Mira would run her through with her gok-du or Zoey would stab her with her shinkals, over and over and over and over and ov-

They had every right to be hesitant. It’s why Rumi didn’t blame Mira for holding back just now. What she didn’t understand was why Mira looked so worried. There was nothing wrong. 

But Mira had never been one to keep her thoughts to herself. 

“Sorry, I think you zoned out. Took a minute to bring you back.”

Rumi hummed, once again looking back to the windows. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“It’s fine,” Mira insisted, keeping her attention directly on her. Rumi pretended not to notice. “What were you thinking about?”

And there it was. The question Rumi was dreading. Because it’s not a lie to not tell them what she’s thinking. It is one when they ask and she doesn’t tell them. And Rumi promised to be honest. But how could she tell them about this? How could she tell Mira, her sweet, lovable Mira, who was always worried about her, who always insisted she take breaks to not burn out, who was always ready to make her favorite meal when she was sad or tired, who cares so deeply and loves so fiercely, who was loyal to a fault, that Rumi, her leader, was not supposed to be here. 

“It’s nothing,” Rumi lied. Or, maybe it wasn't a lie. It technically was nothing. Just a question of why the universe worked the way it did. Why it hated her so much. 

“Rumi,” Mira’s tone was tense, she could hear how it was struggling to not shake. From anger or annoyance, Rumi didn’t know. She hated that she was causing Mira to be upset, but she truly did not know what to say. “You promised you would talk to us if something was bothering you.”

Rumi was glad she was looking away from the dancer. She doesn’t know how she’d keep her mouth shut if she was looking into her eyes. Rumi had never been able to say no to her girls. If they were forced to have a demon as a leader, forced to live with a liar, then the least she could do is whatever they asked for. 

But this was different. Telling them would hurt them. And Rumi had also promised to never hurt them again. 

But she could see Mira’s reflection in the glass. Could see the way her hand was clenched into a fist. Mira was trying. She was reaching out and Rumi had promised she would do the same. That she would try. 

So why was it so hard for her to speak? To tell the truth. To give one of her girls what she wanted. 

She was about to brush it off again, say that she was just restless from the lack of work due to their hiatus (not a complete lie) when her gaze met Mira’s own. 

There was no anger in them, no annoyance. All Rumi could find was sheer worry. ‘She looked tired,’ Rumi thought. ‘She must not be sleeping well.’ None of them had. But she was still trying. And Rumi had promised to meet them halfway. 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Rumi quickly clamped her mouth shut. She hadn’t meant to say that. She should have just said something small. Maybe just said she was having nightmares again. But she was tired of lying, of hiding. Maybe this was for the best. She could at least try to be honest. 

Mira only looked confused, still trying to reach her eyes though Rumi pointedly looked anywhere but at her. 

“Well, yeah. I don’t think any of us could have predicted what happened at the Idol Awards. But it’s fine, Ru. We fixed it. The Honmoon’s okay and stronger than ever. We did it-”

“No.” Rumi cut her off. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She moved her hand along the ground and felt as the Honmoon reached out to her. Not the golden she was raised to achieve, but an iridescent so much like the patterns on her skin. She had to fight to not flinch. The Honmoon had always been a friend to her. She would not back away from it now. 

She finally turned to look at Mira, the confusion clear on her face. “There were only three ways this could have ended. This shouldn’t have happened.”

She knew she was being weird but she needed Mira to understand. There was a plan. The universe and her had agreed upon it when she was born or at least that’s how it felt whenever Celine told her of her destiny. 

But Mira only looked more confused and she could see the way her eyebrows were beginning to raise, how she was biting her lip. She was becoming concerned and that was the last thing Rumi had wanted to do. 

Slowly, Mira got up. She looked down at her and pointed, making sure to give her best concerned ‘mom stare’ as she and Zoey called it. “Wait here.” She slowly walked to the hallway that lead to their bedrooms and Rumi knew she was going to retrieve Zoey. 

She tried not to sigh at the thought. She really did not want to have this conversation. 

A few minutes later Mira returned with a fully awake Zoey behind her. Rumi was pretty sure the maknae had excused herself to go to bed after dinner but she wasn’t all that surprised to know that she hadn’t actually slept. It did hurt a little to know that she would rather be alone in her room than in her presence. But it was fine! Rumi deserved that. 

As the two sat next to her, Rumi took the chance to turn around to fully face them, leaning back against the window. She wanted to give them her full attention for this. They deserved it. 

Even if Rumi had no idea how she was going to start this conversation. Maybe it wasn’t too late to teleport away? She hadn’t really figured out how to control it. She had just been relying on instinct during the Idol Awards but she’s sure this would also qualify as an extremely stressful and dangerous situation. At least... mentally it could. 

Taking a look at the girls, she could tell they hadn’t been doing much better than her. 

Zoey was sitting cross crossed apple sauce as she insisted on calling it. Her hands were latched onto the hoodie strings, fidgeting with it. Rumi could tell that she wanted to pull it tight and hide in her hood but was refraining herself. Rumi wanted to reach over and grab her hands, offer her own finger for her to play with. Zoey loved holding onto one of them whenever she was stressed. The contact helped calm her down. It reminded her that no one was mad at her. It gave her brain something to focus on instead of getting lost in her own thoughts. 

But Rumi doesn’t think Zoey would want to touch her right now. Instead, she glanced over to Mira who was sitting with one knee up. She was looking back and forth between the two of them but stopped when she noticed Rumi watching. Instead, she stared back. Rumi made sure to not look away. 

Mira always made sure to look people in the eyes when she talked to them. It didn’t matter what she was doing or feeling. To her, it was a sign of weakness to look away, a sign of defeat. An old habit that never died from living with her family. 

She was clearly waiting for Rumi to start talking if her clenched jaw was anything to go by. And Rumi wanted to tell her. Truly, she did! She just would also rather jump off her balcony then tell them what was going on in her mind right now. 

“Rumi,” Mira spoke, clearly running out of patience. “What did you mean there were only three ways this could have ended?”

Zoey looked up at that, glancing between the two. Apparently Mira hadn’t told her what this conversation was about. Rumi couldn’t even be annoyed seeing as Mira didn’t really know either. 

Instead she looked up to the ceiling, taking a second to take a deep breath before locking eyes with Mira. She would tell them. She wouldn’t lie. And she would deal with the consequences. 

No more running. 

“We were supposed to make the Golden Honmoon,” Rumi started. She could see Mira and Zoey share a look at that. She didn’t let it bother her, how they could talk to each other with just a glance. She was the one who decided to distance herself from them. She’s the one who pushed them away. 

It’s her fault. 

“Like I told you before, we were supposed to make the Honmoon golden and then my patterns would disappear. That’s what was supposed to happen.” Rumi sighed and finally looked away, glancing down to her lap. She took a hold of one of her hands, tracing the patterns that were now there. There was no way to hide them now. Not unless she wore gloves or a lot of makeup. “That was one of the ways I thought that night would go.”

“I would seal the Honmoon, my patterns would disappear, and I would be free. I would be fixed. I would be normal.” She didn’t see how they both tensed up. How Mira clenched her fist and Zoey finally let go of the strings of her hoodie. They both sat up straight and if Rumi had been looking she would have seen the upset looks on their faces. “Celine told me my entire life that that is what would happen. I could finally be human and I could be honest with you and I wouldn’t have to push you away anymore. I could be the leader you deserved. I could be human. I wouldn’t have to hide anymore. Celine would be able to look at me!”

“Rumi-”

“Anytime I asked her what would happen after the Golden Honmoon she insisted that everything would be fixed! That’s what was supposed to happen!” Rumi snapped, her hand slamming down on the floor. She didn’t care though. She didn’t care that her vision was starting to get blurry or that her breath was becoming short. She had been promised her whole life that she would be fixed. But the patterns were still there. She was still a mis-

“But it didn’t. And now I’m stuck like this. A mistake. A monster.” She cut herself off as she heard a sob. She didn’t even have time to raise her head before there were arms wrapped around her and a face buried in her neck. She immediately wrapped her arms around the body, making sure it wasn’t too tight but still firm. She heard another sob and saw Mira angrily wiping her eyes. Mira slowly crawled over until she was leaning next to Rumi and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in. Rumi tried not to tense up. 

She waited for them to say something, anything. But they didn’t. Mira just wiped away her tears with her thumb while Zoey continued to hold her. After a few minutes they both looked up. Neither said anything and Rumi took the hint to keep going. 

She had to fix this. She made them upset. But she couldn’t stop herself now that she had started. Now that she was given permission to tell them. “And part of me knew this would happen but I still hate it because I did everything I was supposed to. Everything. I never complained. I tried so hard to be perfect and it wasn’t enough.”

She felt a sob come out of her throat. She couldn’t keep going, not when every other word was either stuttered or gasped out. She finally let her head fall onto Mira’s shoulder and she felt as the girl tightened her grip. 

The three just stayed there for a while, holding each other. She didn’t want to let go. It had been too long since she had her girls in her arms. She had missed this, missed them. And maybe it was wrong to use this as an excuse to hold them. They were just trying to make her feel better. And Rumi had been selfish to take advantage of their kindness. She should have been able to keep check of her emotions. She wasn’t a kid!

But their hold was warm and safe and loving and everything Rumi had ever wanted (and Rumi has always been a selfish thing. Always wanting).

Eventually, they calmed down and their tears dried. Zoey still wouldn’t remove herself from her neck so Rumi could feel her breath when she spoke.

“You are not a mistake! You’re not a monster! You’re Rumi. You’re our amazing, kind, awesome leader who always takes care of us and always helps everyone even if it hurts her. You are the most human person I know! You, who cries during Disney movies. Who always covers Mira and I with blankets when we fall asleep during movie nights or carries us to bed when we pass out on the couch. Who always wakes up early to make breakfast even when we had giant shows the night before. Who always checks in on me and reminds me I’m enough and loved. You, who I love and could never live without. You’re Rumi.”

“Zoey’s right,” Mira insists. “You’re, like, the best leader ever. And you could never be a monster. You hate killing spiders! You literally carry them outside with a tissue even though we live on the top floor of a penthouse.”

She can hear the two chuckling and just the sound alone makes her want to smile. But she can’t, not when they’re wrong. She shakes her head, ready to deny, but Mira was faster. She had always been amazing at reading people and Rumi was no exception. 

“Rumi, do you remember what you told me after my parents disowned me?”

Rumi raised an eyebrow. She remembers that day, of course she does. She has never seen Mira so upset or angry. 

“I told you that they were a bunch of assholes who just lost the best thing to ever happen in their life.”

Rumi could see the way Mira was trying to hide a smile. The pink haired girl just shakes her head and moves so she’s sitting in front of the half-demon. 

Rumi tries not to pull her back in, already missing the warmth. 

Mira reached over Zoey to take hold of her face, cradling it gently between her hands. “You told me that my parents made a mistake. Even when I insisted that they were right to do so. That I was a wild child and they were doing the right thing. You sat me down and told me that I was just a child trying to survive. That it was my parents responsibility to take care of me, that it should have been their pleasure to love me,” Mira spoke, getting choked up at the end. But she didn’t wipe away her tears this time. Instead, she wiped away Rumi’s. 

“Like how you were happy because you got to wake up every morning and know I would be there. I never had that before,” Mira whispered. If Rumi wasn’t currently holding Zoey, she’d already have Mira in her arms, whispering every comforting thing she could think of to stop the tears flowing down her dancer's face. Zoey must have had the same idea as she finally leaned back. She turned around, still in Rumi’s arms, and slowly took one of Mira's hands in her own, rubbing slow circles into it. “Before you two I didn’t really have many friends or anyone who cared, not really. No one who would stand up for me.” Mira scoffed, taking a deep breath before chuckling. “But right after we debuted and people were calling me the ‘stone cold statue’ or the ‘heartless bitch’, you two immediately stood up for me. Even though you got in trouble with the label, you fought for me. So how could you be a mistake if you’re one of the best things to ever happen to me?”

This wasn’t fair. The girls were trying to kill her. Rumi couldn’t hold it in any longer and she sobbed, releasing one of her hands to cover her mouth and try to quiet her cries. 

Her girls didn’t care though. Zoey just laid her head on one of her shoulders and traced patterns over her hoodie. Mira took up the other side, resting her head atop Rumi’s own and interlacing their fingers. 

“So you have patterns,” Zoey spoke, no waiver to her voice. “So what? If you ask me I say they’re pretty.”

“How can you think that?!” Rumi demanded. 

Zoey didn’t flinch. She just looked up and booped her on the nose. “Becuase they’re yours.”

“Plus they would make sick tattoos,” Mira added. 

Rumi just shook her head. They were insane, she decided. 

“And we’ll tell you as many times as you need us to,” Mira said, squeezing her hand as she said, “That you aren’t wrong.”

“Your patterns are beautiful,” Zoey added. 

“You’re not a mistake.”

“You’re not a monster.”

“We love you.”

Rumi just cried harder. She wanted to believe them. And part of her did. But the bigger part of her, the one who had been told since she was a child that her patterns were wrong, wouldn’t accept it. But maybe one day she could be proven wrong. 

She doesn’t know how long they stayed there for, curled up around each other. Not that Rumi would complain.  But, eventually, Mira pulled back. Not far enough to create distance but enough that she could look at her in the eye. 

The humor and joy from before was gone, replaced by Mira’s usually stoic expression that she had whenever they were in public. 

“Rumi, you said there were three ways this could have ended.” And Rumi tried not to flinch but she had been hoping they would forget about that. “What was the second?”

Mira must have seen the panic on her face since she immediately squeezed her hand. “We won’t be mad,” she promised. “We just want to know so we can help you. No more lies, remember?”

And Rumi had promised to be honest. 

“Celine always thought my patterns would be removed with the Golden Honmoon,” Rumi started. She didn’t look at either of them, instead opting to stare at the wall in front of her. She didn’t want to see their faces when she told them. “She was so insistent on it. I genuinely think she believed it. I think she needed to believe it,” Rumi mumbled out. She remembers how there was always a look of fear in her mentor's eyes when her patterns were brought up. A panic in her voice. 

“But…” Rumi squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tremor to stay out of her voice. “I wanted to believe her. To think there would be a happy ending. And I did! Kind of… mostly…” She could feel Mira rubbing her thumb across her knuckles, could feel how Zoey was rubbing her hand up and down her back. It helped. “But Celine always used to say that the Golden Honmoon would get rid of all demons. Banish them down to Gwi-Ma. And… I couldn’t help but think…” she took her free hand and raised it to her face. She couldn’t feel the patterns there but she had already memorized exactly where they were. An old habit. Every time the patterns grew she learned their placements. It was a way to keep control. To know just how far they spread. It also made it easier to cover up. 

“What makes me different from them?” She heard Zoey gasp, even if it was muffled by her shoulder. She felt Mira tense up and the hand holding hers tightened. “Why was I an exception? Celine always said I wasn’t one of them. That I was a hunter. But these patterns… They are the mark of a demon. A monster.” She didn’t let the girls cut her off, she just kept going. “I wanted to believe as much as Celine did. But sometimes… sometimes I think that she believed it because the alternative was something she didn’t want to think about. I think it was a way to cope. Because if the Golden Honmoon would have protected this world from all demons, whose to say it wouldn’t have gotten rid of me too?”

“And I don’t know if it would have killed me or if I would have just been banished along with the rest of the demons but…”

Rumi trailed off. She didn’t want to finish the thought. She hadn’t wanted to start it, really. She was expecting outrage from the girls. Anger that she kept this from them. But they were still wrapped tight around her. If anything, she thinks their hold got tighter. 

They weren’t saying anything and it was starting to make her nervous. Were they disappointed she was still here? Were they mad that she had kept another secret from them? 

Rumi expected a lot of things. What she didn’t expect is Mira letting out a sob and burying her head in her hair. 

“Mir..?”

“We could have lost you!” She cried, wrapping both arms around her girls. She never wanted them out of her sight again. She had been prepared to make the Golden Honmoon since she was first told about it. She had seen firsthand what demons could do, the lives they could hurt. She had never had a single doubt about banishing them all. But now… knowing that it could have cost her Rumi… she doesn’t know if she would have still been willing to do it. 

Actually, she does. She knows she would have never gone along with it. 

“We could have lost you! You were… you were working towards your death!”

Rumi winced at that, wrapping one arm around the dancer. “No! No, it’s not like that. We had to do it! The Golden Honmoon would have protected so many people-”

“Fuck the Honmoon! We were working towards killing you and we didn’t even know!”

“Would you have just disappeared?” Zoey mumbled. Her head was once again buried in Rumi's neck but she could still hear her clearly. A perk of her demon heritage she supposed (even if the thought made her disgusted). “Would we have just been on stage and one second you’re there and the next you’re not? Or would you have been forced down and we would just have to watch. We would have been powerless. You could have been stuck with Gwi-Ma for an eternity. And he hates us!”

“Zoey…” Rumi began, but she didn’t know what to say to comfort them. The truth is she had thought about it before. What could have happened. And she thinks she knows. She would not have been lucky enough to just disappear. She knows the Honmoon would have forced her down. That her human side would have fought to remain up here. That her two sides would have been torn apart, both fighting to live until eventually they gave out. She knows she would have woken up in the demon realm, alone and cold, finally cold. Rumi had never been cold. Her demon heritage meant she ran hot and all the layers she always wore ensured that no breeze could ever reach her. 

She only remembers one time she’s ever felt the chill of the cold-

Rumi shook her head, instead reaching down to kiss the top of Zoey’s head. “It’s ok. I would have been fine. The Honmoon was more important-”

“No it isn’t.” Zoey said, not an ounce of hesitation to her voice. 

“You are not expendable!” Mira shouted at the same time. “Fuck the Honmoon! You should have told us. We could have figured out another way!”

Rumi just sighed. There’s a reason she never told them (besides the whole hiding her patterns thing). 

“There was no other way, Mira. Not when this has always been what my life was leading up to.”

“What do you mean?” Zoey asked, cutting off whatever rant Mira was likely about to go on. The pink-haired girl grumbled but quieted down, no doubt saving her speech for a later moment. 

Rumi finally let go of them, the two got the message and scooted back, allowing for some space between them. Not much though as they were still within reaching distance. 

Rumi didn’t look at either of them. Instead, she just grabbed her shoulder and pushed down her sleeve. At the base was a small burn mark. The skin had long since healed but the mark remained, making the skin a rougher texture and darker in color to its surrounding area. 

She gently touched it, putting the tiniest bit of pressure. It was like putting salt on an open wound the way she instantly tensed up. 

Rumi was used to pain. She had always suffered from chronic pain due to the patterns. Each time they spread her body felt like it was on fire, sometimes making it impossible to move. She had eventually learned how to deal with it, working past the pain. Some days she couldn’t and would have to lay in bed for hours. She hated those days. It made her feel like a burden to the girls, to Celine. She hated feeling useless. 

But even when the patterns did not move they were still a nuisance. They not only marked her skin, but sometimes Rumi thought they reached down all the way to her bones with how randomly her body would flare up. 

She hated it. Hated how it felt like her body turned against her. 

But the burn she had gotten was worse than any other pain she had ever received. 

She ghosted her fingers over it, careful not to touch. She knew her girls had already spotted it and were trying to figure out how it happened. Rumi wished she didn’t remember. “The first time I ever summoned my saingeom…” she started and felt as the two snapped their attention to her. Back when they had first met, the girls had been curious on just how Rumi was so advanced. Well… Zoey was at least. She and Mira hadn’t exactly gotten along during those first few months. But anytime she was asked she always said the same thing: she had been practicing her whole life. 

And that wasn’t a lie. She couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t waking with the sun for early meditation or going a day without training. It was just part of her life. 

But she hadn’t always had her saingeom. Celine had told her that it could only be summoned when a hunter was ready. A Honmoon weapon was made of pure starlight. It was a power unlike any other and it was dangerous. It’s why Celine had been so insistent that she practiced to strengthen her soul as well as her body. 

“The first time I summoned my saingeom I was ten.” That got her matching surprised looks. She had never told them anything about the time she summoned her spiritual weapon. “And, as you know, our weapons are powerful. But they’re also dangerous,” she said, raising her gaze to meet their own. The girls were already looking at her. Zoey’s hands were clasped together, holding on so tight as if that was the only thing keeping her from reaching out. Mira was more still, taking care to keep her face neutral. 

Rumi didn’t look away this time. Instead, she pulled her sleeve back up and covered her shoulder once again, ignoring the way the girl's eyes were locked onto her hand before returning to her eyes. “There’s a reason Celine and I were so insistent that you two had to wait before you could summon your own weapons. I wasn’t ready when I summoned mine. I hadn’t even been trying to, really,” Rumi sighed. 

She can still remember that day clearly. It had been going fine all things considered. But Celine had been having a bad day. Rumi could tell from the morning she woke up. From the way Celine had been sharp in her movements, had been quick to brush off any pleasantries. Training had been grueling that day. Celine was never one to hold back but that day she was anything but gentle. There were no moments in between where she would stop to correct her form. No words of praise when Rumi successfully blocked an attack. 

All she remembered was the way she had had to fight for her life that day. It was the first time she had truly been scared. Before, even when she failed Rumi knew Celine would never hurt her. Not while she was down. 

The lessons were meant to teach not to harm. Sure she would get ruffed up a little and there weren’t really days she didn’t go to bed unscathed. But she was safe. 

Rumi had not felt safe that day. Not with the way Celine had been attacking again and again and again and again. There had been no calming the storm. Celine had been angry. Why, Rumi still didn’t know. Would probably never know. 

But she had not been perfect and had fallen hard after a particularly devastating blow. Her wooden staff had been shattered and she had no defense left. Even so she still remembers how Celine had raised her sickle, ready to strike down. The only thing Rumi had thought to do was raise her own hands. The only defense she had in hopes it would lighten the blow. 

She hadn’t expected to-

“Celine and I were training as usual. I don’t know why but she was pissed off that day. I lost the spar but instead of stopping, she kept going. Kept attacking,” Rumi muttered, wrapping her arms around her knees. She hated that day. Hated thinking about it. Hated that she had to remember it now. “I don’t know if she would have actually attacked me but she was bringing down her sickle and the only thing I could think to do was to raise my arms when suddenly there was this blinding light. I think her metal sickle broke or something but I honestly don’t know because the next thing I remember is the pain.”

She could feel them moving again, as they slowly crawled towards her. Neither touched but they were close now. It helped. 

“A Honmoon weapon comes from the soul. It’s pure magic. It’s powerful.  A ten year old isn’t exactly the best option for a weapon that dangerous. And it’s worse when they only have half of a soul to counter the power in their hand,” Rumi chuckled. She could feel Zoey rest a hand on her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “It hurt. I remember feeling like my body was freezing. Like all the warmth had been sucked out. It felt like something had been ripped out of me. I wanted to let go but I couldn’t. It was like it was infused into my hand.”

She felt Mira wrap an arm around her shoulder and couldn’t help the way she rested her head in the crook of her neck. Mira’s scent helped. She always thought it was due to her demon heritage how she could just smell her friends, even when they were apart. Their scents always calmed her down. They smelled like home, like safety. 

“The next thing I knew my shoulder was on fire but I could finally drop the sword. I think Celine used her own weapon to snap me out of it. But it was worse. When I summoned my weapon it felt like my soul was being torn apart but at least I could still sense it. I could still feel it in my hand. But when she struck my shoulder… it felt like my soul was being ripped apart and it burned.” Both her girls tensed up at that, tightening their holds. 

The nights of the Idol Awards weren't easily forgotten, nor were their screams when they saw the wall of fire being shot at their leader. Rumi could still sometimes smell the burning flesh as Jinu melted away. Could still remember the agony on her hands where the burn marks remained. It was only due to the combined efforts of her hunter and demon healing that they healed so quickly. Still, none of that compared to what she felt that night. 

“I mean, it makes sense. Whenever we kill demons, they disappear. Our weapons kill them. It’s only right that when I came into contact with the Honmoon it… it would try to kill me too.”

“Rumi, no!” Zoey cried. 

“The Honmoon hurts you?” Mira asked, her voice barely a whisper. 

Rumi just shook her head, willing the tears to stay at bay. “No- well… kind of?”

“What do you mean ‘kind of’?”

“My patterns have always hurt,” Rumi sighed. “And sometimes, whenever we would seal away a large tear or get closer to the Golden Honmoon… they would burn.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Zoey demanded, the tremor to her voice completely gone. She used her free hand to cup her face, moving it so she could look directly at her. 

“I couldn’t,” Rumi answered, shutting her eyes. “I couldn’t tell you about the patterns. I wanted to! So badly. But I was… I was scared.”

“We didn’t really help with that…” Mira muttered. “We would talk about how much we hated demons and wanted them all dead.”

Zoey’s eyes slowly widened. She reached up with one hand to cover her mouth as she gasped. “A demon with no feelings doesn’t deserve to live.”

Rumi winced. She had hated Takedown. She meant it when she said the song was hateful. 

“And then we pointed our weapons at you when you were begging us to listen. Rumi, I’m so sorry,” Mira apologized, pulling the half-demon into her arms. Rumi went along willingly but stopped herself before she could return the hug. “I don’t blame you for not telling us. I don’t blame you for not trusting us. I don’t know if I would have if I were in your shoes. But I’m telling you this now. We don’t care about the patterns. All we care about is you. The Honmoon, Celine, the world? They can go fuck themselves! We’re not sacrificing you for anything.”

“Mira’s right!” Zoey added, moving to wrap her arms around both of them. “We’re so sorry we didn’t make you feel safe. And we'll try to do better. But, Rumi, you didn’t deserve that.”

Rumi could feel her tears falling. She tried her best to muffle it as she finally wrapped her own arms around her girls. 

“I’m sorry the world has been so cruel to you. You deserve so much better! Like getting off this floor and getting cuddles on our very nice couch!”

Rumi couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of her. Leave it to Zoey to make her laugh even when she was emotionally compromised. 

“You’re right, Zo. This is a conversation not to be had on the floor. To the couch!” Mira commanded as she got up, picking Rumi up in her arms as she did so. Rumi yelped, tightening her hold around Mira’s neck. She could see the dancer smirk and smacked her on the shoulder in retaliation. 

She was ungracefully dropped on the couch and didn’t have a second to complain before they were both speeding off. 

Seconds later Mira was returning with what looked like every blanket they had in the house and Zoey wasn’t far behind with her arms full of pillows. Rumi couldn’t help the chuckle she let out. 

Once they were all settled, Rumi sandwiched between the two, they both turned to look at her, all the humor gone from their faces. 

“I don’t know how you do it, Ru,” Mira sighed. “How you fight for a world that constantly hurts you.”

“It’s not so bad..” Rumi mumbles, laying her head back on the dancer's shoulder. She reached out her hand and interlaced her fingers with Zoey’s. “The universe gave me you two. That makes everything worth it.”

It was quiet for a moment before a sob rang out. “You can’t just say stuff like that!”

Pulling back, Rumi was about to apologize before Zoey flopped on top of her. She pointed her finger directly at Rumi's face, causing the vocalist to go cross eyed to keep it in her vision. 

“You are like, the most selfless, kindest, most loving person in the world. And I have a personal vendetta against the universe for being so mean to you!”

Rumi just smiled as Zoey laid her head on her lap, crossing her arms and grunting. “Zo, that's sweet but it’s ok. You don’t have to be mad at the universe.”

“Too late! I’m challenging it to a duel later today.”

“First of all, it’s almost tomorrow,” Mira deadpanned. “Second, how would you fight a universe?”

“Irrelevant! And I would… uhhh… I would… I would do something…

“Oh wow, that’ll really show the universe.”

“Shh! You’re supposed to be on my side. We have to fight for Rumi's honor!”

“Obviously I’ll help. But you really need to plan this out more.”

“I’m working on it!”

Rumi just watched them. She no doubt had one of her dopey smiles on her face, the one her girls called her ‘Toothless’ smile. 

Eventually the girls cut themselves off as they felt the half-demon shaking. They were relieved to see she was hiding her laughs and not because they had upset her. Mira couldn’t help the smile that came onto her face, the one reserved only for her girls. It was quickly wiped off as she remembered the reason for this conversation. 

“Rumi?”

The girl in question looked up, her own amusement fading away as she saw the worried look on the pink-haired girl's face. 

“You said this could have ended up three ways…” Mira trailed off, hating the way Rumi tensed up. “What was the third?”

For a while, none of them said anything. Rumi had been hoping they would forget about that. How could she tell them what she had been planning to do? How could she tell them the truth?

Looking down she caught Zoey’s eyes. There was nothing but worry and love in them. That scared her more than anything else. 

Sighing, she resigned herself to her fate. 

“You guys know how I get sometimes. How I overplan and am sometimes a control freak.”

She could feel Zoey nodding and sense Mira raising an eyebrow. Ok, she may be underplaying just how bad it gets sometimes. She just likes to always have a plan! That wasn’t a crime. 

“Well, in case something went wrong with the Golden Honmoon… I… I had a plan.”

“What do you mean ‘go wrong’?” Mira questioned. 

“I mean…” Rumi trailed off. If she told them this there would be no going back. But she had promised to be honest. To try. “If we managed to create the Golden Honmoon but my patterns didn’t go away… but neither did I. If I ended up stuck with them but have no way to fix it.”

“Like now?” Zoey asked, her voice soft, as if she was scared she would scare her away. 

Rumi winced at the comparison. It wasn’t too far off. “Kind of. But, you wouldn’t know about them. I would still be hiding.”

“Rumi,” Mira demanded. “What was your plan?” 

“I wa- it doesn’t matter,” Rumi muttered, shaking her head. “It was stupid.”

“Rumi.” Mira spoke, moving so she was kneeling in front of the couch. Zoey quickly followed and got off her lap. With the two in front of her Rumi had nowhere to run too. Mira grabbed one of her hands, giving it a firm squeeze. “Please tell us.”

“You promised no more secrets…” Zoey whispered. 

“…It’ll hurt you,” Rumi responded. She wanted to tell them. She did! But she couldn't put them through that pain. Not because of her. Not because-

“If it’ll hurt us that means it’s hurting you,” Zoey countered. “We’re here for you. Always.”

“We’re not running away,” Mira added. Mira who was always on edge. Who had admitted that when they first met she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting to be kicked out or left behind. Who had always wanted a family but never thought she deserved one. Who loves with her whole heart and protects with her whole soul. Who even when she isn’t there you could feel the presence of her love, her loyalty, like the moon. 

Zoey who loves so easily and never let’s go. Who could always make her smile and laugh. Who would never hurt her. Who could light up any room she was in. Who by just being in her presence will infect you with her joy, like the sun. 

But Rumi was not like them. 

She wasn’t human. Her mistakes were not forgivable. When it mattered she couldn’t protect them. She had hurt them so much Gwi-Ma had been able to take control of them. She couldn’t hurt them like that again. 

But they were still here. Looking at her like she hung the stars in the sky. They were here and ready to listen like they promised they would. So how could Rumi deny them the truth? 

She would make it up to them. 

“If the Honmoon turned golden,” Rumi started. She would tell them and she would make it up to them. “And my patterns didn’t disapear…” Rumi would spend the rest of her life making it up to them. Even if they hated her. As long as they would want her she would be here. “I would get rid of them myself.”

She saw the way they both tensed up, how they shared a quick glance. Mira looked back first. 

“How would you do that?”

Rumi took a deep breath and held it in, doing different breathing techniques that Celine had taught her when she was young. She needed to make sure she was level headed so she could calm them down in case they got angry. 

“When I was younger, I tried to carve them out.”

Both their eyebrows shot up at that. Zoey was looking at her in horror while Mira’s eyes were raking over her body, looking for any signs of pain. 

Rumi took one last deep breath before taking off her hoodie. Underneath was a simple grey tank top.

Both their eyes immediately locked onto her arms, onto her patterns. 

Rumi tried not to flinch. Tried not to immediately cover up again. She couldn’t stop herself from trailing her fingers over the old scars that layered over her right shoulder and down her arm. 

“At first I just used an old kitchen knife, but every time I got rid of them they would just eventually regrow,” Rumi let out a humorless laugh. “They never went away for long. But my healing had always been quick due to the hunter and demon blood in me. That meant that the scars would eventually fade.”

They both looked up from her arms at that. When Rumi finally removed her hand they could see the scars that were layered over her patterns. Zoey reached out first, stopping before she made contact, a silent question in her eyes. Rumi froze for a moment before she nodded. 

When her hand finally connected with her arm, Rumi fought every instinct to freeze up. Taking another deep breath she forced herself to relax. Zoey’s touch was featherlight, as if she was scared that if she pressed too hard she could break her. 

Mira continued to look at her, biting her lip to stop herself from asking, no, demanding an answer. 

Rumi just shook her head. “After I summoned my saingeom and could actually wield it without passing out I thought…” She closed her eyes. She didn’t want to see their faces when she said this. “I thought since Honmoon weapons could kill demons, it could… kill the demon in me.

She heard twin gasps at that, the hand trailing her arm froze before it pulled away. Rumi mourned the loss immediately before she was once again pulled into a pair of arms. Her head was tucked into Zoey’s neck like it was the safest place in the world. 

Maybe it was.  

Mira was quick to join them, running a hand up and down her back. 

“Rumi-” She started but the half-demon just shook her head. She had to get this out or she might never tell them. 

“Obviously it didn’t. I’m still stuck here. But that scared me. If a Honmoon weapon couldn’t get rid of it then there was a chance the Golden Honmoon wouldn’t be able to either. So I promised myself if I ever had to… I would complete my duty as a hunter.”

She saw as they both froze, how their breaths caught. She could feel as Zoey shook her head, how she was quieting her sniffles. 

“I couldn't ask you to do it. That was the one thing I never wanted to happen. I didn’t want you to hate me. I was terrified that one day you would find out what I was and just finish the job yourself. I never wanted you two to be the ones to kill me. I thought about asking Celine but… she was always so hopeful that the Golden Honmoon would fix me. I couldn’t rip away her hope and then force her to do her duty. It would just be easier if I did it. It’s not like anyone would miss a demon. I would be doing what was right. I was ready-”

“Rumi, stop!” Mira shouted. Only then did she realize how unsteady her breathing had become. She buried her face back into Zoey’s neck and finally let the tears she had been holding back flow freely. She felt as the arms around her tightened. 

“Easy, Ru…” Zoey whispered. “We’ve got you. We’re not letting you go.”

She felt her braid coming undone and knew Mira was in the process of taking it down. Felt it as Mira gently massaged her scalp before running her fingers through her hair. She had admitted once to them how Celine used to card her fingers through her hair, how it was one of her most cherished memories. She didn’t usually have her hair down but when she did, the girls always loved to play with it. She would pretend to be annoyed but she could never hide her fond smiles or stop her pleased hums. And once the girls knew she liked it, they took every chance they could. 

It helped now. To have them next to her, holding her. To know her girls were still here. That they weren’t going to hurt her. That they weren’t getting upset. 

Even if she didn’t understand why. Didn’t understand how they still loved her. 

But she would thank every star for the miracle she was given to still have her girls by her side. 

Eventually she calmed down. She was still crying but her sobs had lessened greatly. She could actually talk now without her voice cracking on every other word. 

It was Mira, though, who broke the silence. 

“Do you still feel like that?”

The way her voice was so quiet, like it was being forced out made Rumi raise her gaze. She was surprised to see the tearstains trailing down her face. Mira almost never cried. It wasn’t in her nature. Not when crying used to mean weakness and weakness meant being punished. 

Rumi reached out, using one hand to cradle her face and wipe her tears with her thumb. The way Mira leaned into her made everything that ever happened worth it. 

She hated that she was going to hurt them more. 

“Sometimes.”

Both their heads snapped up to her own, ready to ask a million questions. 

“It’s complicated,” She answered before they could ask. “I was raised to hate these,” She gestured to her patterns. “I was raised to hate demons. I’m trying to accept that it’s what I am but it’s hard. And I’ve always been ready to die for the Honmoon, for the world. It is the duty of a hunter. I never really expected to make it this far. The whole reason I’m alive is to create the Golden Honmoon. Now that we have this new one and it seems to be working, I… I don’t know what to do with my life. I know I want to stay with you and keep making music. But besides that… I don’t know what my purpose is anymore...”

“Rumi,” Mira started, taking hold of her hand and giving it a squeeze. “You are worth more than what you can give to other people. Your life doesn’t matter just because of what you can do. You matter because you are you. You can do whatever you want or do nothing at all! We will always support you.”

Rumi could feel Zoey nodding along and looked up to find the lyricist rubbing furiously at her own eyes. 

“Yeah, Rums. Your life matters. You matter. Please, if you ever feel like that again, tell us. We want to help. Even if all you need is us just sitting next to you in silence. I’ll do it! I don’t want to live in a world you’re not in…”

“Me neither,” Mira agreed. “You two are the most important people in my life. I can’t lose you. Please don’t make me lose you,” She sobbed, wrapping her arms around them both, sandwiching Rumi between them. 

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Rumi admitted. 

“You could never be a burden,” Zoey scoffed. “Like Mira said, you’re one of the best things to ever happen to us!”

“I understand what it’s like to be told by everyone that you’re wrong,” Mira muttered. “I know what it’s like to feel there’s no point to life. To need an escape. Please, talk to us, to me. I may not know exactly what you’re going through but I’ll listen. We need you.”

“And you deserve to live a life that isn’t full of stress and fear,” Zoey added. “You deserve to be loved.”

Rumi couldn’t hold back anymore as she sobbed, finally wrapping her own arms around her girls. She had never thought anyone could want her, not like this. Why she had ever doubted her girls she doesn’t know. She had never felt so loved. If this was a dream she hopes she never wakes up. 

“Rumi?” Mira asked, waiting until the girl nodded before continuing. “Have you ever tried to…” She trailed off. She couldn’t finish the question. 

Rumi froze and that was answer enough for the girls who only held on tighter. A few minutes later Rumi answered. 

“When you two found me at the Idol Awards,” Rumi started slowly, fighting to let the words leave her mouth, “I thought I lost everything.”

Mira had to stop herself from shaking. That night was the biggest mistake of her life. She would never be able to forgive herself for holding her weapon against Rumi. Her Rumi. Her Rumi who had been so scared. Who had begged her to listen. Who had run off only to appear hours later and save her. Who came back for her. 

Zoey had to fight herself to not squeeze any tighter. She was terrified that if she loosened her grip Rumi would disappear. She hated that night. Those demons had not only worn her face but used her lyrics against her best friend. And then Zoey had made it worse by holding up her weapons on Rumi. She should have listened. She should have trusted her. 

But there wasn’t much time in between the confrontation and their final battle against Gwi-Ma. When would Rumi even have time to…

“I didn't even know I could do it. I think I was running on instinct,” Rumi explained. “But I somehow teleported all the way to Jeju Island. I found Celine and when she sensed me… she didn’t sense me. She sensed a demon. She held up her sickle. And I… I asked her to do what she should have done years ago, to complete her duty. I got on my knees, presented my sword, and asked her to kill me.”

Mira froze. She could never imagine Rumi on her knees. Not for anything. Not Rumi who was always first to charge into battle, no matter how hopeless. Who was always first to get back up. Who always fought. She could never imagine Rumi giving up. And it was all her fault. 

“She didn’t, obviously,” Rumi brushed off, as if this didn’t matter. “After, I kind of called her out for never loving all of me. She couldn’t even look at me!” She snapped before shaking her head. She took a few deep breaths before continuing. “Then I teleported away. I don’t know where I was going, I just needed to get away. But then I couldn’t feel you anymore. And the Honmoon was screaming in my ear. It was dying but it was still warning me that you were in danger. And I could never live with myself if I didn’t try to do something.”

“Did you even have a plan?!” Mira demanded. 

Rumi winced at the clear pain in her voice. “Not really,” she admitted. “I just knew I had to try.”

“You could have died,” Zoey said. “You almost died. If Jinu didn’t save you…”

“But he did,” Rumi countered. “I’m still here.”

“But you almost weren't!” Zoey snapped. “And it’s all my fault. You begged me to listen. And I just raised my weapons. I wrote those lyrics. I’m the reason you thought we wouldn’t accept you! You could have died! You wanted to die! And it would have been all my fault-”

“Zoey, no!” Rumi disagreed. “Those were all my own actions. None of what happened that night was your fault. You saw a demon and you reacted. I don’t blame you for that night. How could I? You’re hunters. You were protecting yourselves!”

“No, Rumi,” Mira shook her head. “There was nothing to protect from. You would never hurt us. We just followed our instincts but those instincts were wrong. You deserve better!”

“I lied to you.”

“That didn’t give us the right to raise our weapons. We can be mad at you for the lies but we still care about you! I’m so sorry, Rumi.”

Rumi was about to deny it. To insist they had nothing to apologize for. But they had done this already. Gone back and forth until they were all exhausted and crying. 

“We already apologized for the Idol Awards,” she insisted. “I forgive you, remember?”

“You shouldn’t,” Zoey mumbled. 

“Then neither should you.”

“That’s differ-”

Rumi just held up her hand. “We can argue about this for hours. But I don’t want to argue with you two.” She leaned back on the couch, interlacing her hands with each of theirs. 

Zoey just nodded, though Rumi could tell this was still weighing on her. Mira still looked like she wanted to argue but kept quiet. 

For five seconds. 

“I’m going to punch Celine the next time I see her.”

“Me too!” Zoey agreed. The two shared a look, clearly plotting something. 

Rumi just sighed. “Please don’t hurt her. She did her best.”

“Her best wasn’t good enough,” Mira scoffed. 

“Put yourself in her shoes,” Rumi countered. “I get pregnant, admit the father is a demon, the one thing we’ve sworn our lives to kill. Then I die and leave you with the baby and Zoey dies and you have to live with the pain of your soulmates being gone while raising a baby that's not even yours. A baby that's half-demon. There isn't exactly a book on that.”

Mira hadn’t thought of it like that. She had felt the bond fray the night of the Idol Awards. Felt it tighten to the point of almost snapping. The bond had been so weak she could barely feel her girls. Instead, she felt a gaping hole where two parts of her soul shoukd have been. Mira couldn’t imagine what it meant for Celine knowing that her soulmates were dead. But Mira also knew she would do anything for her girls. She could never hurt one of their kids no matter the origins. Mira was a fighter, a protector. She knows what it’s like to grow up in a family that did not love you. That only used you. She would never put a child through that same pain. 

Zoey, frankly, didn't care. She knew the effects of having a neglectful parent. Growing up, all she wanted was her parents' attention, for their love. She had tried everything to gain their approval. And she knew Rumi. Knew how she was a perfectionist. Knew that even as a child Rumi would have done everything asked of her and never complained. Knew that the world was cruel to her from birth and yet she still fought for it. Rumi was good and too many people had taken advantage of that. 

“I understand she was put in a difficult position,” Mira said. “That doesn’t mean she gets to take it out on you. To raise you with hate. To make you hate yourself.”

“She didn’t make me hate myself,” Rumi mumbled. That wasn’t exactly true. It’s not like Celine went around telling her she was a mistake. But she would always tell her to cover up. To hide her patterns. She would always tell her demons were evil. That they all needed to be killed. She knows she wasn’t including her but sometimes Rumi couldn’t help but compare herself to them. 

“She didn’t prioritize you either,” Zoey countered. “She was so focused on the Golden Honmoon and ‘fixing you,’” Zoey put in air quotes before rolling her eyes, “that she forgot to show you that you mattered. That you were loved. I don’t care if she tried her best. You should have been more important. You are more important!”

Rumi looked away at that. She never felt like she was. To her, her life was just a means to an end to create the Golden Honmoon. She had her purpose. She just needed to fulfill it. Whatever happened to her wasn’t important. 

But her girls were so insistent. Ready to fight Celine and even her to make her believe it. She doesn’t know why they care so much. Doesn’t know what she did to deserve them. 

“Like we said, Ru,” Zoey whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “We’ll remind you as many times as you need us to.”

Rumi just grabbed her hand and pulled her in, then did the same to Mira. Once both her girls were in her arms, she squeezed as tight as she could and was pleasantly surprised to feel them reciprocate. 

“I love you,” She muttered onto the top of their heads. 

“We love you too.”

And for once, Rumi believed them. That they loved her. Not the human she pretended to be. Not the mask she wore. 

Her.  

______________

Eventually, time caught up to them. Even though they were technically on hiatus they knew Bobby would be upset if he found out they were up so late. 

Mira was the first to get up, reaching down to pull them both off the couch, no matter how much Zoey complained. 

The two made sure to grab every blanket and pillow they had stolen from around the penthouse, refusing to let Rumi help. 

They insisted on a sleepover, saying how none of them should be alone after a talk like that. 

Rumi didn’t want to admit how grateful she was for them. She hadn’t been able to sleep ever since they all fell asleep tangled together that first night when they got back. 

Every night she had been waking up after nightmares of her being too late and Gwi-Ma killing her girls. Or Celine doing what she asked. Or the girls thinking she was a demon and killing her. Or of her girls being upset and killing her. Or-

Yeah. She didn’t want to be alone tonight. 

She followed (was dragged) Mira to her room. That made her pause. 

“My room?”

“You have the comfiest bed!” Zoey answered as Mira nodded along before stopping. 

She turned around, looking her up and down before asking, “If that’s ok with you?”

Rumi stopped at that. It wasn’t exactly a secret that she valued her privacy. Her door wasn’t usually locked but it was always closed. Both her girls knew and respected her rule of knocking and waiting for permission before entering. 

It was a rule that saved her countless times from almost getting caught. But… she didn’t need it anymore. It would take a while to get used to this new trust that they all shared but Rumi was looking forward to it. She didn’t want to push them away anymore. 

“More than ok.”

The way their faces lit up was worth every lonely night. They immediately started walking again, only this time they seemed even more determined. That is, until Mira turned her head, a shit-eating girl on her face. 

“Plus Zoey’s bed is a war zone with all her stuffed animals,” Mira added, much to Zoey’s dismay. 

“It is not!”

“Zo, they cover your bed. I don’t know how you find space for yourself.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Put them on the floor?”

“What?! Mira, they’re family! I can’t kick them out. It’s their home!”

The two continued to bicker all the way to Rumi's room. Not that the half-demon minded. They were good entertainment after all. 

Eventually they made it. 

Zoey wasted no time in tossing all the pillows onto the bed before diving onto it herself. 

Mira was more controlled. She carefully laid all the blankets and organized the pillows before she all but collapsed on the bed face first. 

Rumi just smiled at their antics, taking her time to walk up to the bed. She paused just before she reached it, leaning over to look at the two. 

“I can feel you staring,” Mira’s muffled voice spoke. “Get in the bed already.”

“You guys kinda took over the whole thing,” Rumi countered. Not that she minded. But the girls had practically covered every inch of her bed with either a pillow, blanket, or themself. 

Mira raised her head to take a look for herself. She seemed almost proud of their mess. She caught Zoey’s eyes before they both froze. 

Rumi saw it a second too late, the twin smirks that they both adopted. 

“Wait- oof!”

She could barely get the word out before they both lunged forward, grabbing an arm each and pulling her onto the bed. 

“There!” Zoey declared before landing on top of her, arms encircling Rumi’s waist. “Perfect.”

“I can’t breathe,” Rumi wheezed. 

“What was that, Ru. Couldn’t quite hear you?”

Rumi just groaned, burying her face in one of the many pillows. 

“You should really decorate more,” Mira advised. Rumi could see her looking around the room from the corner of her eye. “You barely have anything in here and we’ve lived here for years.”

Rumi just shrugged, or, well, she tried to. All that happened was Zoey got dislodged and rolled over to her side to look at both of them. 

Rumi had never been big on decorating. She never saw the point. There was no point in making it personal when she didn’t really like who she was. Plus, Rumi didn’t have many hobbies or interests. They were a distraction. She had to focus on the Golden Honmoon. 

Besides, if she’d decorated than that meant there would be stuff for Zoey and Mira to eventually take down when she-

“I like my room,” Rumi insisted. “I have everything I need.”

“What about what you want?” Mira countered, raising an eyebrow as she turned to look at her. Rumi just rolled over, pushing herself up so she was leaning against the bed frame. 

“All I ever really wanted…” she trailed off, cradling her arm to her chest, “was to be free. Nothing else really seemed important compared to that.”

She saw as a hand landed atop her own, gently prying it away from her chest and onto Zoey’s lap. She felt as Mira leaned against her. 

“If you want… Zoey began, softly tracing the patterns on her hand, “we can help you figure out what you might like. We have time now.”

“Yeah…” Rumi agreed. “That would be nice.”

Zoey immediately perked up. “Good! ‘Cause I have like seven notebooks on different hobbies and movies and places we have to try!”

Mira and Rumi shared a glance, already knowing they would go wherever their maknae asked. 

Rumi was ready for whatever ramble their lyricist would go on, explaining every idea she had and ranking them on importance. What she didn’t expect was for her to freeze for a second, her shoulders lowering and a nervous look to come across her face. Rumi didn’t expect the sudden change and glancing back at Mira, it seemed the dancer didn’t know what the cause was either from her own worried glance. 

“Zo…” Rumi whispered, “Is everything ok?”

Zoey just looked away, biting her lip as if to keep her thoughts contained. She kept looking between her and Mira, pulling away to wring her hands together. 

“Rumi,” Zoey spoke, looking directly at her before seeming to think better and looking away, her eyes glancing all over the room as if she could find the words hidden on the walls. “I understand why you couldn’t tell us and I know you were scared and I don’t blame you. I get it. I do! But if we had completed the Golden Honmoon and you just disappeared, we would never see you again and we would never get an explanation and I know there were more important things but this has been on my mind since you said it and if I don’t ask now I don’t think I ever will but I really want to know and I promise I won’t be mad no matter what you say-”

“Zoey!” Rumi interrupted. She quickly pulled the girl into her arms, rubbing a hand up and down her back. Mira was by their side in an instant, directing the younger girl to breathe. 

Once she had calmed down, taking long and deep breaths, Rumi spoke again. “You can ask me anything. I’ll do my best to answer.”

Zoey just shook her head, burying it in Rumi’s chest.  Her hands were fisted into her shirt, holding on so tight like she was scared Rumi would leave. 

Rumi just held on tighter. “I promise I won’t be mad. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

Zoey didn’t look convinced but she did loosen her hold, just a little. 

“If you had disappeared, we wouldn’t have known why. We would just be on the stage celebrating one second before being blindsided. And the only way we would have known the truth is if we asked Celine. Did you-” Zoey stopped, taking a deep breath before asking the rest in one quick breath. “Were you really not gonna tell us? Were you just going to leave us in the dark, after everything?”

It took everything in Rumi to not flinch. She could see the shock in Mira’s face before it went back to its usual calm, even if Rumi could see past the mask and see the worry behind it. 

Rumi sighed before she slowly loosened her grip, moving to push herself off the bed. Mira’s eyes immediately snapped to her own, looking ready to trap her on the bed. Zoey seemed to agree with the way she tightened her grip and put more of her weight onto her. 

Rumi just rolled her eyes. “I’m not leaving. I just need to get something,” she insisted. She gently raised Zoey’s gaze to meet her own, quickly looking between her and Mira to reassure them. “I promise I’m coming right back.”

Slowly, Zoey loosened her hold enough for Rumi to escape. The lyricist immediately grabbed onto Mira’s hand instead but the dancer didn’t seem to care that her bones were being crushed. 

Rumi slowly got off the bed, making her way to the desk she had in the corner of her room.

Crouching down, she reached for the last drawer. Inside were only five things: a CD and four envelopes. She grabbed the CD and two of the envelopes before returning to the bed. 

Sitting back down, she made sure to leave some distance between them before putting the CD in between them. She saw the way their eyes moved back and forth between the envelopes in her hand and the CD. 

“I always wanted to tell you,” Rumi promised. “But I never thought I could. Not while I still had these,” she trailed her fingers down her arm, stopping as she felt some of the raised skin. The patterns covered most of her scars but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. “So, in case I never got the chance to tell you, I still wanted you to hear it from me. To have the full explanation.”

Nudging the CD closer to them, she finally looked up to meet their eyes. “This explains everything. My patterns, my father… me.”

She looked back down to the envelopes in her hand, holding them close to her chest before offering them to the girls. Each had their name on it. 

“The letters were my goodbye,” she explained. “And my apology. For lying to you. For every time I pushed you away or hurt you.”

When no one grabbed anything, Rumi looked up again to see the girls frozen in their seats. Zoey was covering her mouth, trying to stifle her tears. Mira just looked upset. She was taking deep breaths through her nose and grinding her teeth so hard Rumi was worried one of them might chip. 

She heard Mira mutter “fuck it” under her breath before lunging forward. A second later the hand holding her letter was pushed aside and she was enveloped in Mira’s arms. 

Rumi knew she didn’t deserve this. Not this warmth. Not the safety she felt as Mira cradled the back of her head. But she was a selfish thing. She could not help the way she leaned in. 

“Rumi,” Mira started and Rumi knew she was doing everything in her power to not raise her voice. “Did you really think we would be ok with your last words being in a letter?!”

Rumi shook her head. “I didn’t know what else to do,” she admitted. “I know you hate lies and I know you would think that I didn’t trust you or hated you but that would be a lie. I had to tell you somehow! This was all I could think of…”

“How long have you had this ready?” Zoey questioned, staring at the envelopes like they had offended her. 

“They went through a bunch of drafts. I wanted it to be perfect,” Rumi shrugged. “I can’t remember when I wrote the first one.”

“How did we never see them…” Mira muttered. 

“I kind of… burnt the old ones…”

“Of course you did. Only you would-” Mira stopped as she was cut off by a gasp. “Zoey?”

“I saw them,” Zoey mumbled. “That night. Before we left for the Idol Awards. I came to borrow a pair of earrings and they were on your desk. I thought it was just some paperwork that you were working on. I didn’t think it’d be-” Zoey cut herself off, shaking her head as if to get rid of the thought. “You really thought you were going to…”

“I knew you would avoid going through my things. You’ve always respected my privacy and modesty,” Rumi said, completely ignoring where Zoey had trailed off to. “Which I always appreciated. I figured it would be better if it was within your eyesight. So you would know you were meant to find it rather than think you were an afterthought. You might’ve hated me after reading it but I didn’t want you to think that I didn’t care enough to not tell you.”

“Rumi,” Mira whined, “we love you. You know that, right. I need you to know that.” She waited until she felt Rumi nod against her shoulder before continuing. “If I woke up one day and all that was left of you was letter, I think I’d burn the world down-”

Rumi snorted, ready to counter before she was cut off. 

“-I’m serious! You and Zoey mean the world to me. You’re my family. You’re not allowed to just leave. There is nothing that we can’t work out.”

“Mir’s right!” Zoey agreed. “And I’m so glad you didn’t disappear. Huntr/x isn't Huntr/x without you. We’d be lost.”

“You’d still have each other,” Rumi argued, her voice muffled from being buried in Mira’s shoulder. 

Zoey just shook her head. “We’re soulmates. And hunters come in three. We need you. We want you! You’re stuck with us.”

Rumi tried to hide her smile but she could feel her patterns burning. Could see the way they glowed a beautiful golden from the corner of her eye. At least this time they didn’t hurt. Any chance of the girls not noticing was thrown out when Mira tightened her grip and Zoey all but draped herself across her back. 

“Besides,” Zoey mumbled, “what would we have told Bobby? ‘Sorry, Bobby. We can never perform again because a piece of our soul just died and we have to break the Honmoon, a magical barrier keeping demons from destroying humanity, in order to go and find our best friend who probably got sucked into said demon world because she’s a demon and has been lying about it for the entire time that we’ve known her.’ I think he would put us into a mental asylum.”

Rumi just rolled her eyes. She felt the way Mira scoffed. 

“Oh, please. He’s probably faint before helping us destroy the Honmoon to get Rumi back. And that’s after he drives us to go see Celine so I can give her a piece of my mind.”

“Please don’t hurt Celine,” Rumi repeated. “And don’t break the Honmoon. It’s kind of been my life’s mission. Besides, I have letters for Bobby and Celine too. Bobby’s explains everything. I actually gave you the choice of if you wanted to give it to him in your own letters. Figured trying to explain what just happened would be the last thing on your minds.”

“Now I wanna know what his letter says. How could you possibly explain everything in a short letter?” Zoey questioned. “Also wanna know what mine says.”

“You can read it,” Rumi says, once again offering the envelope. 

Zoey looked at the letter, grabbed it before putting it down on the bed and taking Rumi's hand. “I’d rather hear it from you.”

Rumi smiled before looking away. “I’ve already told you everything in it. I think. The letter’s just much more articulative.” She saw the way they both looked at them. The way they were hesitating. “I promise I’ll still be here. I just don’t want to keep anything from you anymore. If you want to watch the video or read the letters, go ahead. It’s ok.”

They shared a look over her head before soft smiles adorned both their faces. 

“Maybe another time,” Mira said, falling back onto the bed with Rumi on top of her. “Unless there’s anything else you need to tell us, I say that's enough emotional stuff for one night. Time for bed.”

“Agreed,” Zoey nodded, getting up to put the envelopes and CD on the desk before turning off all the lights. She quickly jumped back onto the bed and snuggled under the covers. 

Rumi smiled, escaping from Mira’s arms to roll over to the center of the bed. A moment later both girls were at her sides. Mira was to her left, her head resting comfortably on her shoulder while an arm encircled her hip. Zoey was on her right, head laid right over where her heart was while her legs tangled with her own. 

Rumi just wrapped her own arms around the both of them, kissing the top of their heads before closing her eyes. 

She had her whole world in her arms. She knew their worry wouldn’t fade away any time soon. That they’d likely be keeping a closer eye on her for a while. She knew there would be days where they became upset, where they would fight and argue. She also knew they would make up, that they’d stay together. 

Celine had been wrong. Her girls didn’t hate her. They weren’t scared of her. 

“Goodnight girls,” Rumi whispered. 

“Goodnight Ru,” they answered. 

“We love you,” Zoey muttered. 

“Always,” Mira added. 

A few minutes later she could feel as their breaths evened out and they fell asleep. Rumi wasn’t surprised. Tonight had been a lot. There would probably be many more talks to have in the coming days so she chose to just savor this moment. 

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

The sun has long since set and another day had ended. 

For once, Rumi hoped she would wake up to see the sunrise.