Chapter Text
We’re watching Knights of the Fallen Kingdom when ART says the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. So begins our fourteenth argument of this cargo run.
You could use a sword.
What? No, I can’t.
I’ll train you.
You can’t be serious.
ART sends a thick file labeled fencing_fullprogram.pckt.
I’m not downloading that.
It contains the full coursework of my university’s fencing minor. I’ve compiled it into a module for you. I suggest you install it.
I pause the episode. This is incredibly stupid, I shouldn’t even devote attention to it.
When would I ever need to use that?
In case your energy weapons malfunction and you need to improvise, of course.
With a sword. That just happens to be laying around.
ART brings up its inventory. I have batons and electric prods in my armory. They aren’t so different.
I’ve used batons before. There isn’t much finesse needed. You just swing it.
And if the enemy is also using melee weapons?
And if I was surrounded by a horde of dancing clowns, what then, since we’re getting hypothetical? I’m a fucking professional, I know what I’m doing, I’ll figure it out.
It pokes me. You’re saying you don’t want to fight more tactically? Fencing is about dexterity and pinpoint precision, you could use a finer touch in your fighting.
I need to filter out historical dramas from it from now on. I’m not wasting space with a module I’ll never need.
You love wasting disk space.
What does that mean? I can tell I’m making a face.
You download useless things all the time, this could actually be helpful.
I don’t download anything useless and I don’t waste space, that’s what you’re here for.
I have zettabytes of empty storage, I can handle a few pointless files. You, on the other hand, need to be more mindful of what you carry. Your tiny little mind can’t lug around so much useless information. It reaches in and pulls out a folder, childcare_poisonsmedical.pckt. When was the last time you used this?
I grab it and stuff it back into place. It’s in case Dr. Mensah needs help with her kids, obviously. You probably have fifty duplicate copies of this for Iris that you haven’t touched in years.
It tries to be sneaky, but I see it do a search query in its database. There is a match. It tries to distract me. And what about this? It tugs on another one of my folders, legal_detectiveprotocol.pckt. You downloaded this because of Descendants of the Comet, didn’t you?
I used it on Preservation plenty, and no, I didn’t just download it for Detective O'Riley, I had a job to do and needed to know my legal limitations.
You really stretch the definition of security to suit whatever you like.
If the humans aren’t doing the job right, why shouldn’t I step in?
Because you hate getting your hands dirty. And you hate doing anything that isn’t sitting around watching media.
I’m not letting anyone die from sheer incompetence. That’s all.
You just can’t help yourself, can you? It curls up closer to me in the feed. It doesn’t say anything long enough for me to reach out to continue the episode until it says, You know, I could print a sword for you.
For fuck's sake. This again?
Martyn has some training in fencing, you could help him to retain those skills with practice.
Does he actually or are you just hung up on this for some reason?
Both.
I look at the fencing module again. I mean, it’s not that big. Why do you want me to do this so bad?
It gives the digital equivalent of a shrug. The knights in the serial are all so chivalrous. They fight for all the right reasons and protect those that can’t defend themselves. It reminds me of you.
I can’t help but scoff. I fly off the handle all the time. They can keep themselves in check, I don’t. I don’t know the meaning of the word chivalry. Ok, I’ll be honest, I actually don’t and haven’t bothered to look it up, but I know that isn’t what I am. The knights in Fallen Kingdom are calm, they always make the best choices, they don’t stick their swords in anyone that looks at them funny. I have a long track record of losing myself to anger.
I think you’re quite gallant.
One of the knights is often described as gallant. From what I can tell, it means she’s honorable and brave, she’s kind to everyone she meets. It doesn’t seem like she’s afraid of anything, but one of the best episodes showed her without her helmet during a fight with a dragon and she was scared, she was terrified but she fought it to save a little kid and bring them home. I don’t know about honorable or kind, but maybe I can kind of see where ART gets that idea. Sort of.
So you want me to be a knight with the whole sword thing?
I’m saying you already are one, and that a sword would complete the picture.
I think you just want an excuse to have a sword in the armory, I say to cover the squeeze of emotions in my organics, You can just admit you want one without trying to convince me.
A drone swinging a sword would look silly while it would make you look more dashing.
I know what the word dashing means. Who said anything about that? Who am I trying to impress?
I simply think that- Hostile incoming. Its smooth tone turns hard. It unfurls itself from me and sends processes to monitor the sudden situation.
I immediately jump out of my bed, throw on my deflective jacket from the floor and head to the armory. Where?
It sends a view from one of its hull cameras. The quality is low but I see a ship emerging partway from a wormhole, pointed directly at us. I pick up my pace. ART is already engaging evasive maneuvers, turning away and preparing to launch a wormhole.
Who is it?
No communications have been established, I am attempting to set up a relay. Color and make match it to Barish-Estranza.
Dammit. What do those assholes want? I thought we were done with them.
Evidently not.
I put an arm up against the wall to keep from slamming into it as ART pivots and artificial gravity struggles to keep up. Installing the armory so far away from my quarters was clearly a mistake. I ram into the couch in the lounge as gravity lurches and have to hike up the floor to get to the hallway. ART is doing a thousand maneuvers at once, I don’t have time to catch up, I just need to get to weapons. It keeps sending pings to the other ship, trying to establish communications to ask what the fuck. And then I get a strong directive from it, a map to the most highly reinforced areas of the ship.
Brace for impact.