Chapter Text
It was an average day, just like any other. Elaine was on her lunch break, wandering around and looking for a place to grab a bite. She was craving tomato soup with a grilled cheese, and the first place she thought of was the Soup Nazi’s shop. Soup Nazi…
She trotted down the sidewalk, bumping into people, squeaking little “excuse me”s as she made her way to the soup shop. As she walked into the shop, it was miserable, old people walking in line slowly like it was a concentration camp. She gulped as she stepped in line, an elderly woman smaller than her standing behind her.
As the line moved forward, it was finally Elaine’s turn. She looked at the choices of soups like they were some sort of gruel.
”Well, what you want, Ms. Benes?” The Soup Nazi snapped at her, her head jerking up anxiously.
”Broccoli cheddar…” She said in a small voice as she shuffled over to the cashier, who looked like a stone statue come to life with his sharp features and piercing blue eyes.
The cashier huffed as he ran a hand through his curly brown hair, muttering something under his breath. The Soup Nazi shoved the little container of soup into the cashier’s hands and he fumbled over his feet before placing the container onto the countertop.
“Excuse me, could I get some bread?” Elaine asked the cashier, who looked up at her, at a loss for words. Elaine’s heart dropped as she made eye contact with him. She slowly turned her head downward and took out her wallet, placing the change on the countertop before leaving.
“He looked like a statue, Jerry!” Elaine exclaimed as she threw her hands up.
”Oh really?” Jerry remarked as he spooned Frosted Flakes into his mouth.
”Yes, yes, yes! God, he was just so…”
”Stoic?”
”No, Jerry! He was such a dreamboat!” Elaine ran a hand through her hair as she paced around the room, those piercing blue eyes still ingrained in her mind.
”Hey, you know what happened to me today?” Jerry set his bowl down on the counter.
”What? Oh God, please tell me it wasn’t Sue Ellen Mischke.”
”No, it wasn’t. It was this woman named Amanda. I was at Monk’s earlier and she sat down next me in a booth. I couldn’t tell if she was a woman or a man…” Jerry squinted his eyes as he looked off at nothing.
”And then what? She sucked you off?” Elaine jabbed as she flopped onto the couch, sighing.
”God, I wish.”
Suddenly, Kramer slid in. “Hey, Jerry, I’ve got a new girlfriend.”
“Is that so?”
”She’s exactly like me, it’s FREAKING me out!”
The phone rang. “Oh, great.” Jerry rolled his eyes as he picked it up.
”Hello?”
”Hi, Jerry.” A breathy high-pitched voice came on the line.
”Oh, is this Amanda?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
”Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you a ma-”
Amanda hung up and Elaine guffawed at Jerry as he sat on the stool with a dumbfounded look on his face.
”Oh, who was that?” Kramer asked.
”Some chick I met at Monk’s. I have no clue if she’s a woman or a man…”
”Maybe it’s some sort of Glen or Glenda situation. You know, crossdressers.” Kramer grabbed an apple and took a large bite out of it.
”I don’t know, maybe she IS a woman with an Adam’s apple.”
”Don’t be stupid, Jerry.” Elaine rolled her eyes as she grabbed her bag and started to head out. “I’ve got a date with the Statue of David.” She winked