Chapter Text
“I’m just saying, like I literally cannot imagine cheating on someone. Why would someone do that?” Hyunjin says, shrugging with exasperation. They were about an hour deep into a conversation about the worst reasons they’d broken up with someone. The conversation had started when Changbin mentioned one of his friends got cheated on in the most ridiculous way. The guy was caught pretty quickly, and it was an embarrassing story. Then Jisung had asked what the worst reason they’d left someone. They all had different interpretations of “worst” ranging from an actually awful thing that happened so they left, to the most simple answer of “I got the ick”.
“Some people just don’t care about other peoples’ feelings, Jinnie.” Jisung said, sipping on his americano.
“Right, and I don’t understand that! Like, that’s your partner. It’s your person, someone you’re supposed to take care of, and put above other things. How could someone be so okay hurting them like that? I don’t know what I would do if I found out that my partner cheated. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it. I’d probably cry. Or maybe I’d just crawl into a hole and die. Both seem like reasonable choices.”
“Well, it isn’t a great feeling,” Felix said, adding in his two cents. He had been pretty quiet so far in the conversation, opting to nod his agreements instead. “But you kinda get over it. I mean, it stings to find out. Doesn’t feel good to find out someone cheated, but once you know, you just kind of… go numb, I guess. And then it’s fine. It isn’t, but the alternative isn’t really an option.” Felix stared down at his latte, moving the straw around the cup.
Hyunjin blinked.
“Lix, what? Someone cheated on you?” Hyunjin stared in disbelief. How did he not know this?
“Yeah. More than one someone, but yeah.” Felix’s gaze remained trained on the drink in front of him. His shoulders were hunched in on himself, making him look smaller than he was. “It hurts the worst the first time, and maybe this is bad to say, but it’s not as bad the third time around. The first time I was just shocked that it happened to me. The second time, I was hurt that it happened again. But once it happens more than twice… it just all feels the same.”
“Felix, how many times have you been cheated on?” Seungmin asked. Felix looked up finally, and met Seungmin’s gaze.
“Well, I’ve dated five people, so… five? Unless you’re asking how many people they cheated with. In which case I don’t know. I only made the mistake of asking that question once.” Hyunjin’s jaw dropped.
“All five of them? Felix, that’s- I can’t even begin to describe how fucked up that is. You deserve so much better than that.” Hyunjin said, reaching a hand out to place it on top of Felix’s.
“You know it isn’t your fault that they were all pieces of shit, right?” Changbin said from his side of the table. “Like, they’re the shitty people, and they would have done it regardless of who they were seeing. It isn’t you. You know that right?”
“Yeah, Changbin is right. It isn’t your fault,” Seungmin said.
“I know. Really guys, I’m okay. It’s been a while since it’s happened.” Felix smiled tightly, and took a sip of his latte.
“Cheaters are pieces of shit,” Hyunjin said.
“Amen to that,” Changbin said, raising his tea as if in toast. It was an unspoken gesture to change the subject. “Jisung, I still can’t believe you didn’t leave that guy until after the second time he called you a wench in bed.”
“Oi, leave me alone! I thought it was a fluke the first time. I didn’t realize it was going to turn into a thing. And we had a decent relationship when he did it the first time. Not so much the second, it was kind of my last straw.”
“No, I get it.” Seungmin said, “I would leave someone for calling me a wench too.”
“You would leave someone for scrambling eggs with a metal fork on your non-stick pan.”
“You say that like that’s not a really reasonable reason to leave someone.”
“It’s not.”
“A metal fork? On a non-stick pan? No, that’s a fair enough reason.” Changbin chimed in.
“What’s wrong with a metal fork on a non-stick pan?” Hyunjin asked. Seungmin turned to stare at him.
“Hyunjin, I’m friend-breaking up with you.” Seungmin said it with such seriousness that Hyunjin froze.
“I don’t understand! What did I do?” Hyunjin turned, and smacked Jisung’s arm. “This is your fault.” Jisung and Changbin were too busy laughing at the scene in front of them to say anything in response. It was Felix who answered him.
“You just don’t do that, Hyunjin. Metal utensils and non-stick pans are a no.”
“Right, but why?”
“It scratches it up and makes it less non-stick.”
“Oh.”
“And this is why I’m leaving you. Your pots and pans are probably all scratched up. How am I supposed to live in those conditions?” Seungmin feigned, tossing his hands dramatically into the air before dropping them at his sides.
“We don’t even live together!” Hyunjin exclaimed. Seungmin turned to a still laughing Changbin.
“Binnie, I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be really hard living with Hyunjin.”
“I’m going to strangle you, Kim Seungmin.” Hyunjin said, miming it in the air.
“I’d like to see you try,” Seungmin smirked, and Hyunjin moved to stand up. Changbin grabbed his arm and yanked him back down. He allowed it. Felix laughed.
“Hyunjin we both know that I’m the only one who’s allowed to rough house Seungmin.” he said, not taking his eyes off of Seungmin as he said it.
“Yeah Hyunjin, get it together,” Seungmin taunted, staring right back at Changbin. Something flickered in Changbin’s gaze. Hyunjin felt like he was interrupting.
“Min, you’re on thin ice.” Changbin said, and there was some sort of unspoken communication there. Hyunjin shrugged it off and turned his attention back to his phone. Conversation flowed easily between them, until eventually they had to leave for one reason or another.
Changbin was driving them home, when Hyunjin got a text.
[NEW CHAT: the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
Okay so we can agree that we need to find Felix someone who won’t cheat on him, yeah?
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
After what he just said?
[the seven stooges]
Channie
What are you talking about?
[the seven stooges]
Sung-ah
We were all talking at the cafe earlier and Felix told us that everyone he’s dated has cheated on him
[the seven stooges]
Channie
What the fuck? That’s insane. I can’t imagine cheating on Lixie.
[the seven stooges]
Channie
Or anyone, actually
[the seven stooges]
Hyunjin
Yeah hyung, thats because youre a good person
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
We should do something to cheer him up. He seemed kinda sad when we left
[the seven stooges]
Sung-ah
Yes!! What are you thinking
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
i dont know thats not my job
[the seven stooges]
Lino
It was your idea.
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
Yeah
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
youre welcome
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
i did the hard part
[the seven stooges]
Channie
What about like a picnic
[the seven stooges]
Hyunjin
Ooh thats a great idea the park over off of 133rd would be good for that
[the seven stooges]
Sung-ah
Jinnie you should definitely take him there
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
That’s a great idea you should ask him
[the seven stooges]
Hyunjin
Yeah i’ll ask
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
im so smart
[the seven stooges]
Lino reacted 👎 to “im so smart”
[the seven stooges]
Hyunjin reacted 👎 to “im so smart”
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory)
I dont have to take this
[the seven stooges]
Seungmin (derogatory) has left the chat.
[the seven stooges]
Lino has added Seungmin (derogatory) to the chat.
[the seven stooges]
Lino
Yes you do.
⋅𖥔⋅ ━━✶━━ ⋅𖥔⋅
Hyunjin and Felix had decided to meet up at the park in the late afternoon the next day, and Hyunjin had pulled out all the stops. He had a blanket ready, a few small pillows, and while he didn’t have a wicker basket, he did have a tote bag full of different snacks, some drinks, and a deck of cards. He got to the park ahead of time to set everything up. He was excited. It had been a while since the two of them had hung out alone, and he liked doing things like this. He spread the blanket out on a flat spot, shaded under a tree. Once he got everything set up, he texted Felix to let him know where to find him.
Felix got there right on time, and Hyunjin paused in his nitpicking of the blanket positioning to watch him approach. Felix had his hair down, and was in a simple outfit that consisted of straight cut jeans, a grey tshirt, and a light blue cardigan. Hyunjin wasn’t sure why it made his stomach churn. Felix smiled as he approached.
“Hyunjin!” Felix waved, taking the last few steps towards the blanket. “Wow, you really didn’t have to do all of this, thank you.” He took a seat in the empty space next to Hyunjin.
“You deserve it, Lix-ah” Hyunjin smiled. “I brought a lot of options, and some cards to play too. It’s been a while since we hung out on our own.”
“Yeah, we should fix that. I like hanging out with you.” Felix said, popping open a bag of chips. “Oh! Before I forget-” he turned and rummaged through his bag. “I made brownies!”
“Have I mentioned recently that you’re my favorite?” Hyunjin said, bursting into a laugh. Felix giggled as he set the container between them.
“Probably, but I could stand to hear it again.”
“In that case, you’re my favorite. Just so we are clear.”
“Awe, thanks Hyunjinnie.” Felix leaned his head onto Hyunjin’s shoulder a moment, before perking back up. “What card game were you thinking?”
The two quickly fell into casual conversation as they played Gin Rummy. After three consecutive losses, Felix proposed they take a break.
“Of course, Lixie. We can play something else, or-”
“Actually, I have these conversation cards. I got them as a freebie when I went to that event last month and haven’t had a chance to use them. I thought now might be a good time?” Felix cut in kind of quick. Almost like he was anxious to ask.
“Conversation cards?” Hyunjin’s brow furrowed. “Like, what do you mean?”
“Yeah, so it looks like a deck of cards but instead of being playing cards, you flip it over and it has questions. And we answer them.”
“Huh.”
“We don’t have to, it’s just- only if you want to. We could always play something else, too.”
“No, pull them out. I wanna see what it’s about.” Hyunjin smiled, and Felix turned back to his bag again, pulling out a small card box.
“Okay! I haven’t ever used these, this should be fun. You have to be honest though, don’t lie - it won’t be as fun.” He shuffled the cards, and flipped over the top one. “Ooh, okay! What is your favorite thing to do with others?” He set the card between them.
“Probably this sort of thing,” Hyunjin replies. “Not necessarily a picnic, but… quality time. Hanging out. I don’t need to do something big, or busy. I’m happy to hang out at home and watch a movie, or go to a cafe and talk, or sit in a park and play cards. I like the casual closeness of it all, I guess.” Felix was nodding.
“Yeah, I agree. I really like quality time with people. I also like doing things that my friends like, even if I’m bad at it. Like, when Changbin wants a buddy at the gym, or when Minho wants to go to those haunted attractions in the fall. Or when Jisung asks me to go bowling. I like being asked to do the things my friends find fun because I feel like it shows me new sides to the person I know. And it more matters to me that I spend the time with the people I care about, than what exactly we’re doing. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I do. Wow. These cards are good, they get you talking.” Hyunjin laughed, reaching for the next one.
“I guess they are. I thought it was gonna be things like ‘if you could be an animal for a day what would you be’ or something like that.” Felix says, laughter in his tone.
“Well, you ask a good question. I think I’d be either a fox or a ferret. I feel like I have a fox vibe, but ferrets are kind of more fun. What would you be?”
“Without a doubt, I would be a chicken.” Felix replied, and Hyunjin barked a laugh at this. Felix’s face flushed red.
“You’re funny,” Hyunjin said, before flipping over the card he drew. “What is your favorite thing about me?” He placed the card on top of the last one.
Felix thought for a minute before he answered. “I think, if I had to pick one thing, it would be that you’re artistic.”
“That feels broad.”
“Well, yeah, it is. But it’s the truth. You look at the world like it has so much beauty. You see it in the smallest things, in the places no one else thinks to look. You find small joys in odd places. And you can translate what you see into something that everyone else can see, too. Like that painting you did, with the vase. All I saw was a vase. You saw something worth painting, and you made me see what you saw. Or how when we all go out drinking, and I’ll think that the song they’re playing is weird, but you just flow along to the beats and dance, and it doesn’t seem as strange anymore. The way that you dance along makes me understand that every beat was intentional. Like it was made for you to dance to.”
Felix hadn’t realized how much he was saying, and as he opened his mouth to continue, he paused. He exhaled a nervous laugh. “Sorry, that’s probably more than you wanted to know.” Felix’s face turned bright red, and he started to play with the hem of his jeans. Hyunjin didn’t know what to say. He never knew that Felix perceived him like that. He felt something warm in his chest, knowing that Felix saw him like that. Finally, he spoke.
“No, it’s okay. Don’t apologize. I just didn’t know you thought of me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like… I don’t know. I guess I did know that you perceived me as being that artistic all the time.”
“Hwang Hyunjin, you reek of artistry.” Felix smiled.
“Well you, Lee Felix reek of sunshine. I don’t know how you do it. Honestly, I envy it. You light up the rooms that you walk into. You aren’t always smiling, but you give off such a kind energy that it makes everyone immediately feel comfortable, like they belong. You make it easy to be myself, even when it feels hard. I admire a lot about you, but I think it’s my favorite thing about you. The way that even when you’re not having the best of times, you still show up for other people and do what you can to support them. You really are a ball of sunshine, Lixie. I know we say it in jest a lot, but it’s true. Your laughter is contagious, and so is that smile,” Hyunjin paused to point at the soft smile gracing Felix’s lips. A small smile tugged at Hyunjin’s lips. “That one right there.”
“You’re being really nice to me right now,” Felix said, scratching the back of his neck. “Where’d the taunting Hyunjin I know go?”
“Hey, you’re the one who told me to be honest.”
“That’s my bad.”
“Next card?”
“Yeah.” Felix pulled the next one off the stack, and immediately laughed. “How long would you last alone in the wilderness?” Hyunjin laughed too.
“I think the better question is how did I end up alone in the wilderness. What are the stakes here? Am I alone in the wilderness as I am right now? Was I prepared to be in the wilderness? Was I expecting to be alone? I need to know how prepared I was.”
“I think you’re overthinking it. My question is not so much how long I could last, but rather if I’m going to try to survive just to die anyways, why make myself miserable for longer?”
“Felix!” Hyunjin shoved at his arm. “Let’s say for the argument’s sake that there’s a rescue team coming.”
“Okay, in that case we’ll say that you were moderately prepared. Maybe a hike gone wrong? So you have whatever you would take on a five mile hike. How long are you lasting?”
“What time of year is it?”
“Stop asking new questions, and answer this one!”
“It’s a valid question though!” Hyunjin gestured wildly with his hands. Felix laughed.
“Fine, call it the end of May. So warm, but not hot. Not cold either.” He popped a piece of cheese into his mouth while he waited for Hyunjin’s response.
“Ah, you’re giving me the best possible conditions then.”
“Yes.”
“I give it a week before I lose my mind. I don’t know how far into the wilderness I’m hypothetically stuck, but I think after a week I’d try to walk back to civilization. That would probably be my first instinct anyways, but for the purposes of this really strange scenario with too many unknown logistical follow up questions, I’ll say a week.”
“I think I could go a month.” Felix nodded to himself as he said it.
“No.”
“What?”
“No.” Hyunjin insisted.
“I could!”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have faith in me.”
“Correct.”
“Hey!” Felix smacked Hyunjin.
“You said to be honest. Stop lying to yourself.”
“You’re so mean to me. Fine, if you have that little faith in me, I’ll shorten it down to two weeks. Specifically to one up you.” Hyunjin just looked at Felix, not saying a word.
Felix and Hyunjin argued about this question for another ten minutes before they moved on to the next question. And the next. And the next, until they had run out of cards, run out of food, and run out of daylight. They packed everything up together, making quick work of folding the blanket, and started the walk home. They went the same way for about half of their walk, before Hyunjin had to take a left.
“This was a lot of fun, Hyunjin. I’m glad we did this.”
“Yeah, this was. I am too.” Hyunjin smiled. “I’ll see you on Tuesday, yeah? For games at Jisung’s?”
“Yeah, I should be there.” Felix smiled.
“Great,” Hyunjin replied. For some reason, the air felt weird between them. Hyunjin didn’t know why. Felix leaned into his space to give him a tight hug, before they went their separate ways.