Chapter Text
‘So pretty…’
Noelle wasn’t exactly unused to thoughts like these. For all her faults she could name, having a poor sense of self wasn’t one of them.
At five she’d known she was a girl, known it so strongly that it hurt. Had it been scary to voice, to go against everything she’d previously known? Of course. But everything had been scary back then. What was one more fear? It had been easier to be brave, with Dess by her side. Chill, easy going Dess. With her seemingly bottomless supply of strength; never afraid, never backing down. Someone Noelle could always depend on, whose very presence made everything alright, even just for a little while.
Gosh had she admired her…
So she’d reached out, tiny quivering hands gripping onto Dess’ jaded jeans, as though her very life had depended on it.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What’s up, Gingersnap?”
Dess grinned, dropping into a quick squat beside her little brother. The poor kid was shaking like a leaf, eyes wide and shimmering with unshed tears. Man, what had Kris done now? … Wait, wasn’t the gremlin outta town today? She vaguely remembered Azzy talking about some boring ass flower convention, whining about he was gonna miss DnD this afternoon.
So what was it that had her baby bro looking more spooked than a literal ghost?
“Come on kid, you can tell me. What’s got ya freakin’ out? Need me to smash something? Grab a mouse for ya? Do I gotta tell Mom to tone it down with the damn fussing? I swear if she’s gettin’ on your ass about gettin’ dirt on ya again I’m gonna FLI-”
“I- I’m not a boy…”
Huh. Was that it?
“Gotcha,” was her simple reply, her smile easy as rough fingers ruffled their way through her lil sibling's golden locks. “Got any idea what you are?”
“A… A girl. Like you, Dess.”
She sounded so scared. No, not scared. Terrified It made her heart ache. Her baby sis looked so tiny and fragile, like one wrong word was all it would take for her to shatter. A thought that twisted her stomach into knots.
Not that Dess let it show. No. Not in front of her.
“Hell yeah! Welcome to girlhood, squirt. Mom’s gonna wanna dress you up reeeal bad. How you feel about dresses and ribbons? I know she went buck wild on me when I was your age,” Dess barely suppressed a shudder at the memory. So much lace…
With the way her eyes lit up, unshed tears drying as the cutest of smiles bloomed across her tiny face, Dess was pretty sure that her sister was more than okay with the idea. To each their own, she guessed. She’d rather dunk her head in barf than wear a single dainty frill. But if her baby sis wanted to be the world’s prettiest princess then she’d make damn well sure that she got every ribbon and curl she wanted!
Anything for her.
“You wanna tell Mom and Dad?”
Those same tiny hands that clung to her jeans tightened their grip. Was she still scared?
“Hey… I promise ya, nothing bad will happen. Not with me by your side! As lame as they can be, they’re not assholes. You wanna hold my hand as we tell ‘em?”
Dess held out her hand, strong and steady, and curled it protectively around her sister’s. She felt her tiny fingers grasp at her own, hanging on for dear life.
“Thank you, Dess…”
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noelle still felt her hand in hers, holding tight whenever life got to be too much.
At least figuring out that she liked girls hadn’t been anywhere near that terrifying. Not that she’d been the one to, well, come to that conclusion. Unlike girlhood, which she’d been ever so sure of, how she’d felt about others had been… murky?
As bright as she was, Noelle had always struggled when it came to people. People were scary. Unpredictable. Full of expectations. You couldn’t just read a few books and know everything you needed to know. Reactions changed depending on moods, on how you said something, down to the tone of your voice. They asked questions, poking and prodding, demanding answers that only satisfied if they pleased them. They changed without warning, left without goodbyes.
People hurt to be around.
Of course she knew that wasn’t true of everyone. She had better relationships now, friends she could depend on, a father who was getting better every day and did his best for her. A mother who was finally letting go, who was moving forward, letting her family grow. And Dess…
She’d had all that too back then. It’d been different, of course. A fuller family. No trauma that broke them apart. No sad, lonely lost girls…
Back when Noelle was eight, and her biggest problem had been picking which character was going to be her number one crush for the week, a phenomenon all too familiar to Dess at that point.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“This your newest crush, Elly?”
Noelle flinched, slamming the laptop shut with burning hot cheeks. If this had been anyone else, Dess might have teased them about looking up sexy shit online. But the three headed cat beast her sister had been fawning over like a lovesick puppy was about as PG as they came. Maybe a lil’ creepy, but only in that ‘horror games for babies’ kinda way.
Heh, maybe Azzy could actually handle something like that?
“Hey, no judging! You can’t help who you get the hots for. What’s this one’s name? She the new Wife of the Week?”
“I- I… Yeah. She’s- How did you…?”
“You’ve gotta type~”
“A type?”
Dess almost laughed at the way her sister’s snout scrunched up, nose glowing a bright red as brought her gaze up to meet with hers. Confusion was sneaking its way past the initial embarrassment of being caught, and Dess knew it wouldn’t be all that long before the questions started.
Not that she minded. Noelle valued the shit she said, actually listened like her thoughts meant a damn. It was kinda nice, feeling like the smart kid sometimes.
“Yeah. Ya know, a type. Like…”
Dess hummed, flopping down onto the bed beside Noelle. Her sister gave a squeal of delight, setting the bulky old laptop to the side before flopping herself.
“Guess it’s kinda hard to explain. There’s just things, patterns I guess? I’ve always liked dorky guys. Got a thing for sweet nerds with hearts of gold.”
“Like Azzy?”
“Wouldn’t be smoochin’ him if not~”
The face Noelle made had Dess snorting into her sleeve, trying desperately to smother her laughter. Couldn't have her thinking she was laughing at her after all.
“That and badass chicks who could kick my ass.”
Shame there wasn’t anyone like that in Hometown. Not that she would, ya know, do anything if there was. Dess wouldn’t dream of cheating on Asriel, not in a thousand years! Looking wasn’t a crime though, and both Azzy and herself had spent more than a few trips to the city letting their eyes wander. Neither were shy in sharing their thoughts when it was just the two of them, and that included total cuties and leather wearing hotties that crossed their paths.
Not that Noelle needed to know that part.
“So… a type is who you get crushes on?”
“You’re half right,” Dess answered with a grin. “It’s more like the shit they share. Like- Okay, gimme a sec here.”
There was a rustling as Dess threw a hand behind herself, tongue sticking out just ever so slightly as she blindly pawed around.
“Where is- Ah! There!”
Held high in triumph was battered, sticker bombed smart phone. Its screen was cracked, a fresh battle wound she’d been hiding from her mother for the past week. The last thing she needed was another lecture on ‘respecting her property’ and ‘thinking before doing stupid, reckless stunts’.
Like she did that shit on purpose.
“Lemme just…”
“What are you-”
Noelle blinked, slow and deliberate, as she focussed on the screen that had oh so suddenly been shoved before her curious eyes. A picture of a cartoon wolf stared back at her, piercing sharp teeth glimmering in a cocky, dangerous smile.
“Subject 1: That kick ass wolf lady from Tales From The Grove.”
A flick of Dess’ finger and the image changed. Now there was a tall, totally ripped stone gollum. Gems were embedded throughout her body, and the one within her palm was glowing bright, producing a brilliant blue flame.
“Subject 2: Shardheart from Hyper Battle 2.”
Another swipe, and Noelle was staring at a short elven woman. Long pink hair, a serene smile and flowing, frilled robes. She would have looked out of place beside the other two, if not for the impractically large sword she wielded, crackling with electricity.
“Subject 3: Elyra Morningglow from Eternal Glades.”
Then finally, with one last flick, came the same three headed cat beast that Noelle had been silently swooning for not five minutes ago. She stood tall, each eye a different color, matching with her long, gnarled claws.
“Subject 4: Chroma Claws from… uh, some kinda creepy pasta?” Dess shrugged. “You seeing the pattern, Elly?”
“... No?”
“Want me to spell it out for ya?”
Noelle’s answer came in a swift little nod.
“Please, Dess?”
Angel above, how could anyone say no to that? Nothing buffed her self esteem like being relied on, like being made to feel clever, like her opinions meant a damn. Like she was more than just some dumb ass screw up, a lost cause of a delinquent who would never amount to anything.
Like her mother wouldn’t give a damn if she just… vanished. Would most people in this podunk town even notice?
… Her Dad would. Azzy and Kris too. And Noelle. She NEEDED her. That was reason enough to stay.
“Okay, okay!” Dess snorted out a laugh. “One: They’re all pretty powerful and brave. Two: They’re outcasts. And three: … They’re all girls. So my best guess? You wanna date a lady who’s a lonely badass with a soft heart deep down inside. Who can keep you safe from anything that scares ya, who will always have your back.”
The rest didn’t really matter. Looks didn’t really seem to play much of a part. Every crush Noelle had ever had was vastly different when it came down to appearances. Not that Dess hadn’t noticed her getting flustered over a pretty face. But the parts that mattered, that got someone pasted into Elly’s ever growing folder of Super Secret Crushes?
Well, the pattern was obvious, wasn’t it? Her shy, easily spooked little sister just wanted a knight in- uh, maybe not shining armour. Maybe not a knight either. Noelle hadn’t enjoyed playing knights and castles for a while now. Not that she could blame her. Being the princess stuck in the tower all the time sucked major balls. Who seriously enjoyed pretending to be helplessly trapped all day? They already lived that life, minus the sick ass man eating dragon.
… Heh, Noelle would probably rather date the dragon than see it slayed anyway.
“Not that I’m sayin’ that every crush you get will be like that. Types can change. But you defs have a thing for badass girls. Maybe non-binary folk too? Shardheart ain’t really a lady, she just goes by she/her. Ain’t a guy in sight though.”
Noelle wrinkled her nose at that.
“I don’t want to make kissy faces at boys like you and Azzy.”
“But would you make kissy faces at a girl?”
The radiant glow of Noelle’s cheeks was all the answer Dess needed.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dess had been right, of course. Fully right. Noelle still liked girls. She had less than zero interest in boys. The occasional enby had captured her gaze. Bravery was attractive, as was confidence and strength. Her heart couldn’t help but ache for the ostracized and lonely, her pains reflected in every glance they shared.
Only they were people now. Real people. Like Kris and Susie.
Kris had been her very first crush outside of the realm of fiction. A silly fleeting thing when they were nine, gone in a matter of weeks after they’d held hands on the ferris wheel. Gosh, her hands had been so sweaty, shaking worse than the carriage they swung from, already swaying far too much for her liking. Kris being Kris hadn’t noticed a thing. They’d simply laughed and used their free hand to swing the carriage around even more, excited to prank the ever easy to scare deerling.
At least they’d been nice enough to stop once she’d started crying. They even let her drag them onto the ‘boring kiddy rides’ for the next hour to make up for it!
Then Dess had gone missing and…
….
Noelle hadn’t had a serious crush until Susie rocked up 5 years later. There was no denying it, she’d been down BAD. Infatuation at first sight that swiftly grew into an all consuming crush. A crush that grew into love, soft and sweet and oh so hopeful. Susie had been exactly her type. Brave. Strong. Assertive. Confident. A badass with a heart of gold. She took no shit, could fight her way through anyone and anything! Yet, she was kind too. There was a hidden softness, reserved only for those who cared enough to stick around, who bothered to see past her rough edges and see the golden heart that lay within.
It was no wonder Noelle had been smitten. Nor that she hadn’t been the only one.
Berdly had liked her. Kind of. Maybe. At least he’d thought so at the time. But he’d thought a lotof things at the time. Not that she was blaming him or anything! Berdly might have been a little annoying back then, but he’d been a loyal friend and she knew he cared immensely for her. He’d just needed to do a bit of soul searching! He was happier these days, finally at home in his own feathers. Comfortable in who he was. Not a genius, nor a casanova who made all the ladies (and theydies) swoon. That guy was gone. In his place was someone secure in their gender, an AroAce man with a solid B+ average. Someone who didn’t fear failure, but saw it as another challenge to combat, to learn and improve.
Noelle was proud of him.
Berdly hadn’t been her sole competitor for Susie’s heart though. No, by the time she’d found who she was truly competing against the fight was already long over. Had she ever stood a chance? It wasn’t that Susie hadn’t liked her, hadn’t noticed her. Despite her nerves, her anxieties around others, they’d still had their moments. Sweet moments, vulnerable and warm, where everything had just felt right. Noelle still kept those moments close to her heart, even as that love had changed, had morphed into something closer to friendship.
Back then though? She’d been heartbroken. Jealous. Furious. Watching Kris kiss Susie, their hand lingering upon her cheek in a touch so tender it burned, had hurt in ways she hadn’t thought possible. Gosh how she’d cried, screaming into her pillow that it just wasn’t fair. Hadn’t she suffered enough? Hadn’t she fought hard too, growing and learning and changing, becoming someone who could change her fate, who could stand strong against her fears?
Her own two hands had grasped at Dess’, helped pull her from the deepest darks, and brought her home. She fought titans, braved horrors none should ever have to witness, had saved the gosh darned world! All at the age of fifteen. No teenager should have to go through all that. No PERSON should… So why?
Why was this her reward? Too hurt by her friend’s romance to seek them out. Too aware that Dess was in no state to save her this time, to hold her close and chase off all her pains and fears. Too used to dealing with everything alone to even think of reaching out to her parents, sure that with Dess back, oh so weak and scarred by the darkness that had consumed her, would be needing every bit of attention they had.
Perhaps Noelle would have laid there forever, lost to the darkest depths of her mind, had she not noticed a soft knocking at her bedroom door.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ralsei wasn’t quite sure what possessed him to do this. He certainly wasn’t close to Noelle. Not to say that he disliked the girl! No, she was lovely, he was sure of that. But their time together had been short, and none of it had been spent just between them both. To call her a friend felt disingenuous, yet something like an acquaintance felt too cold, too disconnected.
Somewhere in between, maybe?
There was something there though. Something important, something real. Whatever that was, it made him ache, knowing that Noelle was hurting like this. Hurting like himself, nursing the shattered remains of a broken heart. Perhaps he would have been like that too, had Ralsei not seen it coming. He'd known that his love would never be returned, not in the way he so desperately wanted. He’d seen the signs, had watched as friendship morphed into something else before him, slipping through his fingers like wisps of coiling smoke.
Worse still Ralsei couldn’t even find it in his heart to be bitter over it. It felt too selfish, too cruel, to shed even a single tear over this. Shouldn’t he be happy? His friends were in love, they’d all survived, the world was safe, Noelle had her sister back. The prophecy had been averted, and Ralsei was… real. Was here, in the light world, forever more. He SHOULD be happy.
…. But Noelle wasn’t, and no one else seemed to notice a thing.
So he’d slipped away from his friends, an easy enough feat when the new couple were rather, um, wrapped up in each other’s lips. It’d been simple enough to find the place on his own, and simpler still to enter. The looming gates of the Holiday Manor had lay open, as had the front door. From there Ralsei had just followed the echoing sounds of misery, having ascended the stairs with a hand curled over his heart, aching with every cry and barely muffled sob, until he’d found himself here. Knocking softly on Noelle’s bedroom door, fearful that too loud a sound might upset her more.
Honestly he feared she might not even answer. Not that Ralsei would blame her. If he’d had a bedroom of his own up here then he might have been tempted to do the same. But he couldn’t just leave her like this. All alone in her pain, without at least someone there to acknowledge it, acknowledge her,and just… just what? He hoped to soothe her, to take on the burden of her pains at least a little. How, though, he hadn’t a single clue.
Not that he had long to dwell on that. For within seconds there was silence, sobs coming to a still and flooding the house with a stifling silence. Then shuffling, the sound of hooved feet dragging against carpet. The janky clinks of a door handle in need of oiling, meeting squeaky hinges that begged for the same TLC.
Noelle Holiday answered his knock, pulling open her bedroom door that had stood as the last bastion of separation between them. She stood there with bloodshot eyes, puffy from crying. Still crying, Ralsei noticed, as tears ran down her face, further marring her already matted fur. She looked downright miserable, like the world had just come to an end. Perhaps it had, just a little, for her. A feeling Ralsei understood all too well.
“R-Ralsei?” Noelle croaked out, a quivering hand reaching out, just barely brushing against his cheek. Ralsei would have blushed, perhaps jumped at the sudden contact, had he not felt a dampness sinking deep into his own fur at her touch. Why was- It wasn’t Noelle’s hand. Despite her tears her palm remained dry. Then why…?
…Oh.
Crying. He was crying too, wasn’t he? When had the first tear fallen? Was it just now or had it started long before? When had he been so careless as to let the dam break, to allow himself something so selfish? He was supposed to be better than this, stronger and reliable and no longer a pitiful wreck of a burden. Ralsei swallowed thickly, trying desperately to blink back the tears. Yet for every drop he shook, two more took its place, seeping deep into the fluffy wisps of his fur. Was there really no way to fight this? He couldn’t just- Not when Noelle NEEDED him to be strong for her right now!
Or at least, that’s what he felt she needed.
“I… I’m sorry, Noelle. I was- I meant to- You’re the one who needs-”
Ralsei had never been all that good at comforting others. His words always came out wrong, never sweet and warm like he intended. They just made things worse, or drew worry from his loved ones. Even now he hadn’t been able to find the right words, to utter even a single thing that he thought would help.
But for once he didn’t even have to try.
Noelle’s arms surrounded him, enveloping them both in a shuddering, desperate embrace. One that Ralsei surprised himself with how fiercely he returned it, feeling himself clinging to the sobbing deer girl as though his very life depended on it. Just as she clung to him, face buried within the soft faded red of Ralsei’s scarf as it lay limply over his shoulder.
Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be. Why say what they both understood? The pain they saw mirrored in the other, that seeped forth from their shattered hearts, was better soothed in each other’s arms. Only their cries could be heard, rough, ragged and unrestrained. A wretched sound, damp with its hollering ugliness, that resounded through Noelle’s oh so lonely bedroom.
A bedroom that no longer felt so lonely, with another there to soften the blow.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That had been the start of it. The moment Noelle knew that she wouldn’t be alone again. No longer a lost girl, crying out to the void. No longer a child, clinging to her sister’s words like gospel. No longer just Noelle Holiday, alone, left lick her wounds, to sift through the shattered remains of her heart and try desperately to make herself whole once more.
Even if the memory had been one of pain, she looked back on it now with a warmth she couldn’t help smile through. How couldn’t she? On that day Noelle had found more than just a life long friend. She’d found someone she could be honest with, could be vulnerable around. Someone who understood her, who didn’t dismiss her anxieties and fears, who saw them as something serious and real, who could even empathize with them.
Not the strong, scary knight she thought she needed, to keep her safe. But a gentle hand in hers, squeezing tight as they faced their fears together. Not a fighter, but someone who’d do anything to make her feel better, who would fight not for her, but by her side. Brave while terrified, just like Noelle herself. Learning day by day, as they healed and grew, to find a confidence they both struggled to maintain.
Maybe that was what she’d always needed. Not a hero, but a partner.
Platonically, she meant! At least, that’s what Noelle had thought at the time. As wonderful as Ralsei had been, he had been, well, a boy. A very pretty boy (oh how those naturally long lashes, so thick and dark, had driven her wild with envy!), but still a guy none the less.
… Until he wasn’t.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To say he was nervous would be a massive understatement.
Ralsei was nervous when he first met Kris and Susie. Ralsei was nervous when he’d taken off his hat, revealing his true face. Ralsei was nervous when he’d been on the swan boat alone with Kris.
Nervous was an emotion Ralsei was well at home with, that he knew like the back of his hand. But this? This was so much worse than simple nerves. Terror, maybe? The burbling starts of a panic attack? It was like a fear mongering anxiety that knew no end, that gnawed at his guts and threatened to devour him whole. With every tickling second that passed, that he let slip by without uttering a word, he felt it grow, felt it consume just a little more.
How long until there would be nothing left of him? Until there was nothing left but this feeling, escapable only by…
…
Well, that was why he was here. Why… she was here. It felt strange, to finally allow herself this.
Even thinking it felt taboo. To want something like that, to dare to wish for more when he’d already gotten so much. Wasn’t it enough to be here? To be real? To have friends that loved him, to have a warm bed to sleep in every night? The Dreemurrs had taken him in and already treated him as one of their own. Susie and Kris adored him, dragging Ralsei into each and every one of their adventures, never wanting to leave him out.
Noelle too, was always by his side. Had been since the day they’d collapsed sobbing in each other's arms, crying well into the evening until they’d passed out from exhaustion, found later curled up together on her bedroom floor. Luckily it had been Noelle’s father, Ralsei feared what her mother would have done. Rudy had simply smiled down at them, a kind twinkle in his eyes as stepped back and told them breakfast was ready. Fresh made pancakes had pulled the exhausted pair downstairs, hand in hand. If Rudy noticed he hadn’t said a word. He’d just served them up and got everyone seated.
It had been nice, feeling so instantly accepted. Like Noelle had accepted his broken, sobbing self that night before.
Maybe that was why he- why she was here now. It wasn’t that she doubted that Kris and Susie would understand. Ralsei knew her friends well, knew they’d always love her, no matter what. Kris would probably even understand on a deeper level, being their wonderful enby self.
But it was different with Noelle. Their friendship was different. Not better, no! Just… They had a way of understanding one another. Words didn’t matter as much. There was an implicit trust that the other never meant to be cruel or insensitive, that they could always try again, as many times as needed, until they got it right. Or that they didn’t even need to get it right at all. That they were already understood.
… And Noelle was a girl too. A girl in the way Ralsei wanted to be. A role chosen, not given. To even have a fraction of her courage and bravery…
Ralsei was startled from his thoughts by a knock at his bedroom door.
What had once been Kris’ and Asriel’s bedroom was now split evenly in two. At first it had just been a curtain, for privacy, but when one too many make out sessions had ended with Ralsei sneaking downstairs to sleep on the couch, Toriel had decided that enough was enough. She’d sent the three of them over to the Holiday’s for a week over summer vacation, and when they’d returned they’d found two doors where there had once been one, two new windows… and a wall right down the middle. One bedroom split into two.
Honestly, the privacy was nice. As much as Ralsei didn’t like being alone, there was only so much intimacy one could take before one needed to be at least a room away.
With a deep, shaky breath Ralsei pulled himself up off his bed, crossing past the bean bags and beat up, old little tv and game console that Berdly had excitedly gifted him just a month ago. It’d been a sweet gift, really, and Ralsei couldn’t hope to count the hours spent trying to beat all of Berdly and Noelle’s high scores. One day he’d be the master of those little colourful blocks…
Honestly he wished he was doing that now, instead of standing before his door, willing his- her hands to still as he SHE forced the handle to turn. With one swift motion Ralsei pulled the bedroom door open, greeting Noelle with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
She noticed, of course.
“... Are you okay?” Noelle stepped forward, taking Ralsei by the hand as she guided them both into the bedroom. Carefully, she pushed the door shut behind them, taking care to not slam it before leading them both to Ralsei’s bed. She sat down first, smoothing her skirt out as she did, before patting the space beside her.
Ralsei practically fell into her side, head resting upon her shoulder in perfect sync with Noelle’s hand falling upon hi- HER head, fingers combing through her slightly curling fur. It felt nice. Comforting. Safe. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Not yet.
Not that Noelle seemed to mind. No, she knew Ralsei well enough at this point. A year of friendship sat between them, letting the silence remain easy and calm. A silence Noelle herself broke with an easy smile, delicate fingers pausing mid stroke.
“It’s getting so long, Ralsie,” she said with a hum. “Decided to join the long hair squad?”
“I… I think it looks prettier like this.”
“You look pretty with just about everything~ Gosh, you’re such a pretty boy, it’s just not fair!” Noelle retorted with a laugh. A laugh that was cut short, Ralsei noted, as he silently winced. Why did it hurt so much? She hadn’t meant anything cruel by it, had even been genuine in her compliment. To be called pretty, especially by someone as beautiful as Noelle… if only that last part hadn’t been uttered. If only she hadn’t called him a…
“I said something wrong, didn’t it?”
Now Noelle was frowning, a crease setting deep in her brow as concern flooded her face.
“N- No! You- I was- I mean it-”
Had breathing always been this hard? Every breath felt like a struggle, coming lighter and light with each failed attempt. Tears pricked at his eyes, and for a brief second Ralsei was convinced this was how he was going to die. He, not she, the girl within dying before she even had a chance to well and truly be.
That was until Noelle’s forehead dropped gently against hers, eyes of honeyed amber meeting her panicked gaze.
“Breathe with me, okay?”
Just like that, Ralsei was breathing steadily again. In and out, in and out, the tightness in her throat melting away as she felt Noelle’s breath rise and fall in sync with hers. How many times had they done this, pulling each other from spiraling panic before it could sink its claws in too deep?
How many times would Ralsei long for Noelle to stay close, for their gazes to stay locked, just so she could stare into those pretty eyes of hers? She pushed back that thought, scolding herself for letting her fantasies fly when Noelle was oh so near.
“Better?”
“Yes I’m- I’m feeling better. Thank you, Noelle…”
“You don’t need to thank me, silly!”
Noelle pulled back, all smiles as she playfully booped Ralsei’s snout. She couldn’t help but smile herself, even as she rubbed away her still glistening tears.
“I know… but still. You deserve to hear it.”
“Ralsieeeee, you’re gonna make me blush!”
“Maybe I WANT to make you blush!”
“Gasp! Is that Evil Ralsie I spy??”
“Me? Evil? Never!! (That is sarcasm. I am Evil Ralsie!!)”
“Oh cheese and crackers, I’m DOOMED! Doomed to a life of cheeks as red as my gosh darned nose!”
“Hey! I think your glowing nose is cute…”
“Stooooop!” Noelle whined from behind her hands, feeling her cheeks very much start to heat up. “You always catch me off guard with the sweetest compliments…”
“That’s because you’re very easy to compliment!” Ralsei chirped in response. “... You’re just very easy to talk to in general, Noelle…”
The whole mood in the room shifted. Without missing a beat Noelle straightened herself up, the entirety of her attention now focussed on Ralsei. In any other situation she might have found that a little uncomfortable. Right now though? She felt important, felt valued. Like no matter what she said, Noelle would treat it with the same seriousness that Ralsei was feeling, like she’d handle every word spoken with absolute care.
That was all she needed to give her the strength to just… say it.
“I- I’m not a boy, Noelle.”
“... Oh.”
There was no judgement in the way she said it. No anger or upset. Just a quiet acknowledgement, like something all of a sudden made sense. Had Noelle known? She was really smart, it wouldn’t be surprising if-
“Are you maybe… a- I don’t want to assume or ruin this moment for you! I just- I had a feeling that- That like me you’re a-”
“A girl. Um. Yes.” Ralsei finished, feeling her shoulders drop as months worth of tension, of anxiety and fear and pointless, stupid worries just melted away. “I… I’m a girl. Like you.”
“Oh my gosh!!!”
The hug that Ralsei was pulled into was wonderfully crushing, filled with a jittering joy so infectious that she couldn’t help but laugh. This was more than acceptance, more than just a smile and ‘that’s cool’. This was exuberance, celebration, two girls giggling through beaming smiles as they held each other tight.
To be so fully seen and loved….
“I am so so proud of you!! I know it’s so scary to come out, like cheesus I know I was a shaking mess! Have you told anyone else?-”
Ralsei shook her head.
“I’m the… Me??”
A nod this time.
“Ralsie… O-Oh, um, quick check! She/Her?”
“There are… other options?”
“Always! Do you want to hear…?”
“Um, no thank you. She/Her is fine.”
“Fine, or you?”
“Me. I- She/Her is good. It’s… It feel like me. Really me.”
“Good! And name? Did you pick a new one? Not that you have to! Some people keep the same name, and some like me just changed it a little. There’s no pressure to rush into anything either, you can take as long as you wa-”
“Actually I… I already decided on it. It’s not a big change, but I really like it.”
“I’m all ears!” Noelle poked at said ears, as if to prove a point.
“Ralsie.”
“... Huh?”
“Um. I said Ralsie. Like, your-”
“My nickname for you…?”
“Mhm! I… I’ve always liked when you called me that. It sounds cute… Is that okay?”
“Oh my gosh, that’s more than okay!”
The twinkling tears that shone bright in Noelle’s eyes, alright with a pride all just for her, made Ralsie’s heart skip a single, fluttering beat.
And unknown to Ralsie, in time with hers, Noelle’s own heart skipped, as she stared down at the beautiful, beaming girl who sat in her arms,
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Needless to say, Noelle Holiday was thoroughly screwed.
‘So pretty…’
The thought that had pulled her down memory lane, that left her dazed on the park bench, staring with an enamored little sigh. Dess grinned beside her, offering a playful punch against her sister’s shoulder. One that earned her a surprised cry in turn, along with a frazzled flurry of smacks.
“Okay, okay, I give!” Dess cried out with a snort of a laugh. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? But I’ve got eyes- well, an eye, but that shit don’t matter. I see where you’re staring, you aren’t slick, Elly~”
“I- I don’t know what you mean!”
“Come ooooon,” There was a beat of silence as Dess rolled her eyes, an act that earned her another swat from Noelle’s flailing arms. She wouldn’t give in, wouldn’t let her beloved big sister win, no matter how much she baggered her! Not that Dess seemed to be trying all that hard to get her to admit it.
N-Not that there was anything to admit! It was perfectly normal to find your good friend pretty! To watch with perfect bliss as Ralsie ran around the park, both giggling and squealing as Kris chased her with a water gun, the droplets from which sparkled as they hit her fluffy, softly curling fur. To hear her laughter and wish to bathe forever in its tinkling warmth, in the way Ralsie snorted whenever she laughed just that bit too hard. To want to dash over to defend her, to play the knight in shining armour to her floral sundressed princess.
To be rewarded for her deed with a kiss, as sweet as the strawberry lipgloss that shimmered upon her-
….
Noelle felt her cheeks glow red hot, oh so sure that Dess was going to tease the ever loving heck out of her. Instead she felt a comforting hand upon her shoulder, patting away as its owner chuckled in sympathy.
“You don’t gotta say shit. I know smitten when I see it, and you Elles, are DOWN BAD.”
“I’m so doomed…”
“Nah. You got this!”
“Got what?”
Dess simply beamed in response. A wide, almost wild smile that would have scared anyone who didn’t know her. Mostly due to the darkness that cracked past her lips, that left half her face a gaping, horrifying void, only lit up with a pin prink of unnerving light where her left eye once was.
It didn’t scare Noelle though. No, it was the implication BEHIND the smile that left her wary.
“Dess, what are you-”
“HEY RALS! TAG ME IN!”
Without warning Dess was up and running, high-fiving a surprised yet grateful Ralsie as they switched places. Noelle could only watch with wide eyes as Dess threw her a quick thumbs up, mouthing what she thought might be ‘you got this’, before grabbing a water gun of her own and taking chase after a swiftly fleeing Kris, who knew all too well how good a shot the oldest Holiday daughter was.
Which left Noelle alone with Ralsie and her racing, ever frantic thoughts.