Chapter Text
(By false_savior)
You thought you had become accustomed to dying. It had been so predictable, so familiar, that it was almost a relief.
Dying, a relief!!! Because, ha, putting on the show for your friends is just getting soooo boring, isn’t it??? Isn’t this what you wanted, Siffrin??? Why aren’t you happy???
(The audience boos.)
(…You start the show again from the top.)
And—
In blood and stars. Blood runs through your mouth and down your chin, stains your cloak and gloves, fills your lungs and throat.
In blood and stars. A hole through your stomach. The cracking, snapping sounds of your own arms legs ribs. Stars, beautiful stars, filling your vision.
In blood and stars. Your remaining eye gone. A cleanly severed arm. Your still-beating heart, torn out of your chest.
Pain, pain, pain—
(Something new, this time. You need some rest.)
In tears and time. The world goes dark. Your eye closes. Your friends’ screams blur to nothing.
In tears and time. An endless quiet, a soft eternity, a peaceful rest.
In tears and time. Finally, you sleep, and sleep, and sleep.
It’s the only rest you’ll ever get, after all~
You start again, again, again!!! You press your lips tightly closed to keep the blood from spilling out (there must be some, there must, there must, you died choking on it so many times and they’ll see it ), and smile oh-so-brightly, and you carry on with the show!!! It’s a perfect performance!!! So perfect that you get to watch the Housemaiden slammed into the ground, over and over and over and over and over and OVER AGAIN!!!!!!
Slam! Her bones crack and splinter. Slam! Her lungs collapse and she dribbles blood. Slam! She’s nothing more than a pile of bloody meat and bony splinters now!
And—
Act IV, Scene II. HOUSE OF DORMONT, THIRD FLOOR.
HOUSEMAIDEN: —frin! Siffrin!
[SIFFRIN opens their eye and smiles.]
HOUSEMAIDEN: Siffrin! Everything okay? You looked really lost in thought!
HOUSEMAIDEN: I don’t think we’re very far from the top! We can—
[The HOUSEMAIDEN pauses. She looks at SIFFRIN.]
HOUSEMAIDEN (concerned) : …Are you worried? About fighting the King…?
FIGHTER: Sif, worried? I’ve never seen him get worried about anything!
[SIFFRIN’s smile widens.]
SIFFRIN: No point in worrying!
HOUSEMAIDEN: Hm…You’re right! There’s no point in worrying right now…
HOUSEMAIDEN: All we can do is move forward!
[The RESEARCHER and the KID enter UPSTAGE.]
KID: Are you guys done talking? Can we FINALLY go now?
RESEARCHER: We’ve been climbing up the castle for a while…The King shouldn’t be much farther.
FIGHTER: And victory has to be just around the corner!!!
FIGHTER: Let’s go and let’s stay focused, everyone!!!
HOUSEMAIDEN: Yes!!!
[SIFFRIN smiles at them. END SCENE.]
Well!!! You definitely shouldn’t do that again!!!!!! Because, ha, they might just be actors in your silly play, but you’d just hate it for the Housemaiden to have to mess up her pretty little face~
So the next time around you break the script a little bit!!! Ignore the conversations, don’t bother with the puns, find the keys first thing, stop messing around when you’re fighting. Your friends are confused, but so what? It’s not like they’ll ever remember!!! And besides, you’re tired of constantly putting on a show!!! You deserve some time off!!! It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, nothing you ever do matters, so why would this—
The Kid giving you a candy and a fish head and a pile of snacks. The Fighter holding your hands. The Housemaiden gently, gently cradling your face. The Researcher grounding you.
And like before, as always, the King bringing your party to its knees.
Start again!!! The audience cheers. Finally, something new!!! They loved the performance!!!
(You can’t help it! It’s something new, something different. So you’ll do it again—)
You die, as always, choking on your own blood, seeing stars in your eye.
(—and again—)
You die, as always, frozen by the Tears, resting for an eternal moment of time.
(—and again!)
You forgot their names, you’ve forgotten them for so long now. You’ve been in the loops far, far longer than you traveled with them, anyway, so it might as well not matter, right? They’re not people anymore, far from it, just archetypes, roles to be filled by any old performer. Housemaiden, Fighter, Researcher, Kid; Housemaiden, Fighter, Researcher, Kid; Housemaiden, Fighter, Researcher, Kid. Nothing more than an epithet. No need for a name when you don’t exist outside of a single show, after all~!
And yet!! And yet, they were your friends!!! You loved them, you loved them, you still love them!!! You spent so many little moments with them!!! Sparring with the Housemaiden, punning with the Fighter, going on secret quests with the Researcher, cooking with the Kid!!! Those were important!!! They were part of who you are and you love them so much you can’t bear to lose them!!! And yet they’re gone because you could NEVER LET THEM LIVE OUTSIDE THE SCRIPT OF YOUR OWN BLINDING PLAY!!!!!! AND NOW THEY’RE DOOMED!!! DOOMED TO THE SAME SLICE OF ETERNITY WITH ALL OF VAUGARDE, ALWAYS DYING, ALWAYS GOING BACK, NEVER MAKING IT PAST THIS SINGLE PREDETERMINED POINT!!! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
… and yet…!!!
Isabeau protecting you from the King’s attack, Odile egging you on, Bonnie giving you a tonic, Mirabelle powering you up!!! It’s something new, finally finally finally and you remember again, you remember their names, how could you have ever forgotten, and now the stage is set and you can kill the King—
You prepare the strongest Scissors Craft you know and
you
S T R I K E.
The blow slices him into shreds. You hope it made him feel a fraction of what you felt all those blinding times.
It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
The Fighter Isabeauisabeauisabeau cheering for joy.
It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
The Kid Bonniebonniebonnie screaming loud enough to burst your eardrums.
It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
The Researcher Odileodileodile laughing in sheer relief.
It’s over, it’s over, it’s OVER!!!!!!
And finally, the Housemaiden Mirabellemirabellemirabelle crying from the utter shock of it all.
It’s over!!! You did it, Siffrin, you won!!! It’s finally—
AND YET,
YOU FEEL A TUG
ON
YOUR
HEART
AND—
Act I, Scene I. DORMONT MEADOW.
[The curtains open on SIFFRIN lying on their back on the grass in a meadow. As he wakes up and gets his bearings, the HOUSEMAIDEN enters upstage.]
HOUSEMAIDEN: Ah, Siffrin!!!
[SIFFRIN stands up.]
HOUSEMAIDEN: Huh??? Siffrin, were you... were you...TAKING A NAP????!??!
[BEAT.]
HOUSEMAIDEN: I... I suppose that's...Yes, you're right! I should follow your lead on this one!
HOUSEMAIDEN: We'd better get some sleep while we can! Since tomorrow...We’ll have to fight against the King!
You smile awkwardly as the Housemaiden (MIRABELLE, Mirabelle, Mirabelle, you can't forget again you won't) goes through her lines. You don't remember the script here, it's been too long since you've been here, you don't know what to say—it’s unfamiliar territory but you CAN'T LET THEM KNOW SOMETHING'S WRONG—
Oh thank the stars she's gone now.
Your smile drops. Why are you back here? You won, didn't you? You beat the King, didn't you? And yet and yet AND YET—
You put your hands over your mouth and scream.
(The audience boos. Get back to the stage, Siffrin!)
You can't, you can't, you can't do this again!! Not after you had FINALLY won!!! Not after everything was going to be okay!!! You were so close, so close, so close, and now you have to start all over again, and—
You don’t want to keep performing this show.
You're so blinding tired!!! You're tired of being the star performer!!! You're tired of fighting, of being in the House!!! You’re tired of your friends repeating the same lines over and over and over!!! It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair, you had beat the King, everyone was happy, you were going to be able to go—
…You get up.
Back to the stage, Siffrin. You have a country to save.
(It'll never stay saved, though, will it?)
It's nice to be back in Dormont again, actually. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, and the small village is bustling with activity.
For just the briefest of moments, you feel at peace.
Then Mirabelle approaches you and says her lines and—well. You've forgotten the script again, clearly!
You stare at her blankly. A small part of you wants to ask, Line, please! You don't, though—it’d ruin the show~!
“…Still half-asleep, huh?” she asks, clearly concerned. Oh stars you need to say something.
“Uh, yep, um, just a bit of cotton brain, I guess!” Your smile is still plastered to your face, which is a plus!!!
She still looks worried. “…Well, okay…”
No, wait, you need to save this. It's okay!!! You went off-script a little, but you can fix this!!! Just…make a pun! You used to do those all the time!!!
Here goes!!! “Do you need a sec to…cotton on to what I’m saying?” It’s not your best work, but it’ll do.
(Your wink comes a beat too late. You hope hope hope the audience doesn’t notice.)
(Can’t keep missing your cues, Siffrin.)
“Pfft—Siffrin!! That’s awful!!” She giggles, and you smile. It’s almost genuine!
She begins reciting her lines again, and you find yourself monumentally irritated. Stars, stars, there was a way to make this conversation go faster, wasn’t it? Something about…the Clocktower? Or was it—
“—was thinking, how about a sleepover?”
OH! The sleepover! Of course!
“I was thinking the same thing! I’ll let everyone know!”
“Oh—but, wait, do you know where everyone—”
Oh stars you do NOT want to hear her spiel about everyone. “Talk to you later, Mira!”
You walk around Dormont a bit, more or less in a daze. You’re pretty sure Odile is in one of the buildings here, but you know she’d realize something was wrong with you and you absolutely cannot have that. And Bonnie’s off in the east somewhere, but they still hate you, so…west it is!!!
(You had always wondered what exactly happened to make them hate you. You had never gotten the chance to ask them that question.)
(…Well. It seems unlikely you’ll find out now.)
You approach Isabeau and plaster on your smile. Isa, right? You called him Isa…you shouldn’t stop now. “Isa.”
“Sif.” He nods. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? I get it.”
Okay, PHEW. You did it.
Your eye is drawn to the tree. It’s, quite frankly, tremendously huge.
(Heh. Tree-mendously huge. You’d make the pun to Isa, but you’re so blinding tired.)
Isn’t this tree important…?
“What’s, uh, what’s up with the big tree?”
“Oh? You don't know about the Favor Tree?”
The Favor Tree, huh. He must’ve told you this before—the name sounds vaguely familiar.
“Well, it's just a random big tree,” he continues. “But when you're a believer of the House of Change, the biggest tree in a certain place is called a Favor Tree!”
You’re officially confused. “That doesn’t have anything to do with its size, though?”
“Well, it's like, it’s the tree with the most power, so you can ask it things? As a favor? Like, ‘Please help me pass my Defender exams!!!!!’ Which is like, a totally random example.”
Okay, your memory is spotty at best, but you’re pretty sure Isabeau used to be a Defender. Did he really ask a mythical tree to help him pass his exams?
You decide you don’t really need to get into that further, so you just say, “Uh huh.”
“You should ask the tree for a favor too! It’s a big day tomorrow!”
You fight back the hysterical laughter bubbling in your throat. It’s a big day tomorrow, sure, but not in the way he thinks.
Stars, you want to scream. Talking to your friends isn’t helping, being outside isn’t helping, nothing’s helping!!! You just…need some time alone, a break from the stage. That’ll help things, you’re sure. And Isabeau just gave you the perfect out!!
“Yup! I’m gonna go do that now!”
“Oh!! Alrighty then!! See you at the Clocktower!!!” Isabeau waves goodbye and leaves you alone.
The Favor Tree, the Favor Tree. You were here once, weren’t you? Before you were looping, a few daysweeksmonths years ago, you had asked it for something! Something…!
“I want to stay with them,” you whispered, folding the leaf.
That was it, wasn’t it? You wanted to stay with them…?
You wanted…
HA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! TO STAY WITH THEM!!! YOU HAD ASKED THE FAVOR TREE TO STAY WITH EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HILARIOUS!!!!!!
You were lonely and stupid and clingy, and so you asked a magic tree to let you stay with your friends!!!!!!! And, and, you’ve certainly stayed with them, haven’t you!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the eons you’ve been in the loops, your party has been the constant!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’ve seen everything they have to offer, now!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just an endless loop of Mirabelleisabeauodilebonnie and nothing more until you all died~! But it was fine~! Because you wanted to stay with them~!
And you did!!!!!!!!!!!!! You get to stay with them for eternity now!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU’RE TRAPPED HERE NOW, STUCK FOREVER IN THESE LOOPS UNTIL THE VERY WORLD DECAYS AROUND YOU—
No, see, it’s fine, it’s great, it’s awesome, it’s such a silly little coincidence~! Teehee~!
STARS, you can’t take this anymore~
You close your eye to zone out for a bit and—
Act I, Scene III, FAVOR TREE.
It’s nighttime now—you should’ve been at the Clocktower hours ago. You can’t bring yourself to care. If you go off-script, you can always try again, right? That’s the whole point of these blinding loops, after all~
You sit under the Favor Tree for a while, staring at the sky. Stars—millions of them, right? Billions? You don’t recall the number—shine brightly, almost mocking you. How nice that they sit in the sky, out of anyone’s reach. Forever out of your reach.
(You still still still can’t think its name.)
A flash of light—a shooting star, lighting up the night sky.
Aren’t you supposed to—?
An old habit, one from a long time ago, takes over. You take off your hat to get a better view of the sky and feel along the ground for a rock. You need—you’re supposed to make a wish while holding a rock, in order to connect you to the Universe.
You whisper something , an old rhyme from long ago—star light, star bright, first star I see tonight—
I wish I may…I wish I might…
“I—I want to get out of here, out of the loops—I need help ,” you cry. “I need someone, anyone to help me!!!”
The star glows brighter, brighter, brighter. Tears fall down your face. The trajectory slows, stops, changes, and it falls into your outstretched hands, heat seeping through your gloves.
You know know know what you must do. You wished for help, and now all you have to do is just take the star in your hands and
bite
DOWN.
A searing pain tears through your body and you SCREAM, it hurts it hurts it hurts, this isn’t what you wanted, you just wanted OUT, but now it’s too late, the star sits heavy in your throat impossible to swallow and—
The star pulses, burning burning burning, and you feel yourself start to change.
Your hands throb painfully and you tear off your gloves. The skin underneath is…is bubbling, like a pot of boiling water on the stove. The skin and fingernails melt away, and you see something new underneath—lightless flesh and darkless dots, just like the night sky, like the stars, the star still in your throat. You’d laugh if you could manage to stop screaming.
Your cloak is gone—did you take it off? Did it melt with the rest of your skin?—and your heart pounds pounds POUNDS in your chest so loudly you think it might pop. Your chest, your arms, your legs—the skin there all replaced with the same strange alien flesh—glow softly in the light, and the star is still stuck in your throat.
(By false_savior)
You feel your ribs cracking, splintering under the weight of a star, and the sky-flesh on your chest peels away to reveal your still-beating heart. It beats on—once, twice, three times—before it stops, suddenly, and explodes, a blinding blinding light spilling through the cracks and out of your chest. Its remains pulse, weakly, some of it decorating your shoulders. The open wound does not bleed, it glows—a soft, welcoming light in the shape of a star.
The star is still in your throat but it’s growing , a pressure in your throat and in your mouth and you feel a spike of pure light jut through your cheek. You fumble for it with your hand—it feels solid, but buzzes slightly to the touch, and there is no wound where the thing broke through your skin. Another spike, this one from your forehead, then another and another and another—
(By false_savior)
You’re still screaming when new star-flesh erupts from your lips, melding them together and sealing them shut. The star eats away your tongue and teeth and gums, destroying your mouth entirely, and—
everything
stops.
You’re—
(Someone lying in a meadow.)
( You can use the arrow keys to move around! you say, and do not say.)
(Was that…?)
—on your knees, gasping for breath (how can you still breathe without a mouth or nose? Oh well, you have more important things to worry about~) in front of the Favor Tree. It’s daytime again—when did that happen?—and…
Ah, stars, Isabeau is right there, near the Favor Tree. No no no no no no you cannot! Let! Him! See you like this!!! No one can see you no one can see you no one can see you—
You scramble to your feet, sitting on a root underneath the tree, and watch as your body…disappears…?
Okay, well, you can turn invisible now, so……that’s one problem out of the way~! Now you just. Are here. Trying not to think about your new body.
…You did just wish on a shooting star and then turn into a star…person thing, right??? That is the thing that happened???
HUH??????
You think you should be dead, because you can’t feel a heartbeat anymore and you’re not completely sure whether or not you have lungs, but~! You’re still alive!!! Isn’t that wonderful~!
Stars, you’ll have to talk to your party eventually, won’t you…? They’ll have to see you like this, and then you can explain—what? That you wished to not be in an eternal timeloop and ate a star and then THIS HAPPENED??? You don’t even know what happened!!! Turning into a magic star person was NOT what you asked for!!!
Urgh, you could SCREAM!!! At least before you knew exactly how every loop was supposed to go!!! Now you don’t know what to do!!! You can’t exactly sit in front of this blinding Favor Tree until the end of time, after all, so—
Someone is heading your way. You freeze, suddenly on alert—maybe your friends have already noticed you’re missing?—until you see someone. Someone wearing a darkless cloak and hat, someone calling Isabeau “Isa,” someone making a pun about the Favor Tree…
It’s…you? Or—a copy of you? Or—what? What is going on???
Your copy chats with Isabeau about the Favor Tree. It’s the same conversation you had during the last loop (is this a new loop? It must be, right?), so you can follow along with the script easily enough.
So. You asked for someone to help you, and now you’ve started a new loop, except…you’re a star and there’s a copy of you running around and talking to your friends. Maybe you’re missing something—you really don’t get how those two things are related.
Come on, Siffrin, get it together. Figure out what's going on!
…Are…are you really Siffrin, anymore…? You don't know how many loops it's been since “Siffrin” stopped being you and started being the role you had to play. And now the role has been recast, hasn't it…?
As Isabeau leaves and your copy approaches the Favor Tree, you feel a terrible terrible terrible sense of déjà vu, and you go absolutely still.
He takes a leaf, stops, thinks. Then, they breathe a wish into it, repeat it three times. You can't hear it, but you still remember it. To wear clothes Isabeau made.
You stare and stare and stare at your copy below the tree and all of a sudden you know , you know exactly what's going to happen. He'll go to the Clocktower, then to the House, and then they'll get crushed by the stupid blinding rock trap…before waking up in the meadow the day before.
…Your wish was granted after all, wasn't it…? You asked for help, you asked for freedom, and now—now—
(You can see through their eye. You can speak your thoughts directly into his mind. You are inextricably intertwined with the shadow of what you once were, and you CANNOT BE FREED EVEN NOW—)
…………You were brought here to help. That much you know. The Universe, in its infinite wisdom, has willed you into some other Siffrin’s loops!! Well, you suppose you did ask for “anyone” to help you~! So you have only yourself to blame~!
Stars, stars, stars, everything is wrong, so wrong. You are in a body that is not your own, in a world that is not your own, trapped eternally in a loop that is not your own. Circles in circles in circles, just like your Housemaiden always says.
A rage fills the hole in your chest where your heart used to be. How dare this other Siffrin take your place? You were the star of the show, the leading role, and now—ha, well, now, you’re still the star, just in a different way~! See, see, it’s because you’re a star now, and not a human!!! So you’re still the star of the show!!! Aren’t you so clever~
This copy, this hollow shadow, this creature that stole your face and your skin and your still-beating heart and your cloak and your name and your life—he is not you, they can never be you!!! If you are the star, then he must be the stardust! Stardust is the only thing left of a dying star, after all, and this facsimile of the person you once were is all that is left from the life you should have had, the life the Universe stole from you, the life that was RIPPED OUT OF YOUR CHEST WITH THE REST OF YOU—
(You breathe in, and out so you don’t snap and lose it entirely. You need to follow the blinding script.)
(You clutch your arm, sorely aware of the absence of your cloak, and you watch him go.)
(By Myraid)
Your stardust is quite the understudy, it seems—so willing to step into the spotlight. If that’s the case, you should give them a chance, hm? See how well they do! You’re sure they can handle it. How many loops did it take you to break down, again? He has some time before he loses it completely~
Well, you’ve got some time until your party—no, your stardust’s party—enters the House of Change, and the play truly begins. You don’t mind waiting in the wings until then; you have a part to rehearse for, after all!
You clench your fists tightly. You cannot cannot cannot think about how you have changed (Changed?) into something not-quite human, how you have lost the only people you have ever known enough to love, how—how—
No, see, you’re not thinking about that~! You have a show to prepare for~!
The sun sinks lower and lower in the sky, and you close your eyes. The stage is set, and the actors are in position. All that’s left is to wait for the lights to dim and the curtain to rise.