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Dazai was a fucking liar. He says he's going on a “small business trip” and “I’ll be back in a minute, aww, don't tell me you're worried Chibi” and then disappears for 5 fucking months. And counting.
Seriously, Chuuya doesn't even know why he puts up with the bastard. Oh yeah, because the Boss basically locks them together in a room every day. But aside from that, there isn't any money you could give to Chuuya to make him stay with the bastard. Unfortunately, he doesn't need the money to do just that.
Back to the point: Dazai is a liar and an asshole. He's also Chuuya’s boyfriend, and probably dead. Why else has there been total radio silence on his end for nearly half a year?
Maybe he's finally succeeded in finding a woman to commit double suicide with, and he's currently rotting on the bottom of a river. Or hanging on a rope somewhere.
What's more likely is that he has, at last, found somebody he couldn't outsmart and they got the better of him.
Anyways, Chuuya definitely isn't worried about him. That waste of bandages can just be a corpse, peacefully, without him. Who even cares about Dazai?
Well, that's what he said about 3 months ago. Nowadays it's more like,
- Wake up
- Think about where that jackass could be
- Train
- Train some more while thinking about the Mackerel
- For a refreshing change, don't think about him and drink
- Think about him while drunk
Yeah, to Chuuya's greatest dismay, he missed that idiot. Greatly.
He's tried drinking his worries away (see previous points), talking to Elise (she didn't help that much), and beating up random thugs (didn't help either, but at least less enemies for the Port Mafia, I guess).
Chuuya felt like he was losing his mind. He overheard a Mafia subordinate saying he looked like a widow whose husband was lost at war, and when he asked Akutagawa about it, he had the gall to agree.
Chuuya was sitting at his desk, doing Very Important Things (paperwork, pining for Dazai, more paperwork), when Higuchi burst through the door, panting like she just ran a marathon.
“What is it? Are we under attack?”— he asked the blonde woman, who shook her head vigorously.
“N-No, no!! Chuuya-san, h-he's in the main hall!!— Higuchi yelled, gasping for air.
Chuuya frowned.
“Who?”— he hoped it was that idiot, of course, but he couldn't help but feel doubtful.
“Dazai-san!! He just showed up and–”— Chuuya didn't wait for her to finish the sentence, he just jumped up and took for the door as fast as he could go.
After a moment of confusion, Higuchi decided that following him would be the best course of action.
He really, really hoped Higuchi wasn't lying.
Chuuya dashed past Kajii, who seemed mildly bewildered at why he was sprinting, Akutagawa, who immediately started running after him, and at last he arrived.
In the main hall of the Port Mafia building stood a teenager with a black coat and bandages covering his right eye.
Oh, Chuuya was going to fucking murder that slimy piece of shit.
“What the fuck took you so long, you bastard??”— the brunette turned around, and grinned.
“Wow, long time no see, hatrack!”— Dazai waved at him.
“Did you miss me?”
Chuuya was going to drown him in a spoonful of water.
“I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD, YOU USELESS PILE OF BANDAGES!!!”— he screamed, coming to a stop before Dazai, who dropped the grin and frowned.
“Chuuya? Is everything alright?”— he asked in a lower voice, some concern seeping into his tone.
“No, it's fucking not!! You gave no sign of life whatsoever!! It's been half a year, you shithead!!”— Chuuya felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. Dazai looked outright worried now, and he lifted a hand up to Chuuya’s face.
“Chibi, come on. I'm okay! Nothing bad happened, I just got held up, that's all!”— he paused, —”I didn't mean to scare you!”
“Then why didn't you say anything?? Do you know what it felt like??”— Chuuya felt more and more like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.
“I wanted to, but Mori didn't let me! I told him this was going to fucking happen!”— he wrapped an arm around Chuuya, who practically sobbed into his shoulder.
Chuuya hoped the twenty or so Mafia members including Higuchi and the two Akutagawas watching the altercation weren't recording, otherwise they'd never let him get over this.
“Hey, Chuuya, don't cry. It's alright now,”— Dazai whispered into his hair, planting a soft kiss on his head. He heard somebody (probably Higuchi) let out a gasp in the background.
“I-I missed you, you stupid jerk,”— Chuuya muttered into Dazai’s coat,— “You scared the shit out of me.”
“I missed you too, slug,”— said jerk murmured back, and then he cupped Chuuya’s face and pulled him into a gentle kiss.
Yeah, it was definitely Higuchi who gasped earlier, because she just let out a screech.
“What the fuck?”— the female Akutagawa said, shocked. Her male counterpart’s jaw was dropped wide open.
Tachihara, who Chuuya didn't even know was there, wolf-whistled.
He mildly registered somebody yelling “Hell yeah” and then “Oh fuck”.
Breaking the kiss for a second, he turned towards the entrance, where… the Boss was standing. Oh fuck indeed. Okay, not his problem yet, and so he went back to making out with Dazai instead.
Four minutes ago, when a lower-level Mafia croon came into his office to tell him that the Demon Prodigy was back from the mission, Mori expected to go to the hall and see Chuuya-kun arguing with him as usual.
Well.
Mori knew the two members of Double Black weren't nearly as unfriendly as their behaviour suggested, but he may have underestimated their relationship’s… depth. What made him come to this conclusion? Seeing his protege’s tongue down Chuuya-kun’s throat was, let's just say, self-explanatory. Hmm. Kouyou was going to kill him.
He waved at Kajii, who appeared to be taking pictures of the two.
“Yes, Boss? Do you need me for anything? Because if not, you know… I kinda need more angles of this!”— the lemon-crazed scientist said.
“Please, try to keep Ozaki Kouyou-san away from this room for a few minutes.”— Kajii bowed and scurried out of the hall, albeit looking puzzled.
Mori was so dead. How was he ever going to convince Kouyou that this wasn't his fault? Maybe he should fabricate an alternate identity and escape the country.
When Ozaki Kouyou was told that the Dazai lad had returned after half a year of absence, she knew Chuuya was going to flip out. And according to the annoying goggled boy standing before her, he flipped out indeed.
“I'm telling you, Kouyou-san, it's total chaos in there! Boulders and rocks everywhere!”— and,— “No, you don't need to help out at all! They're handling it just fine!”— Kajii babbled.
“I don't understand. There isn't anyone more equipped than me to assist,”— she snapped, quite irritated.
“I don't doubt that, Kouyou-san, but these are the Boss’ orders!”— Kouyou furrowed her brows.
“And why did he order nonsense like this?”
Kajii was definitely sweating.
“Uhhh–, you see–”— Kouyou pushed him out of the way, and ignoring the scientist’s protests, marched into the hall.
Despite Kajii’s insistence of the supposed turmoil and pandemonium, it was quiet. Too quiet. The people standing around were mostly staring ahead at some kind of spectacle in the middle of the room.
Said spectacle was two figures, engulfed in a tight embrace. Two figures, a redhead and a brunette. They looked suspiciously like a certain duo.
Wait.
Was that her Chuuya?? And was he crying?? Then the other one must be…
“Lad! Are you okay??”— Kouyou called out, in response to which Chuuya jumped and accidentally headbutted Dazai on the forehead.
“Ane-san?”— Chuuya said, his face redder than a pomegranate. He broke out of the hug, turning to Kouyou.
“Did he hurt you in any way??”— she asked, taking Chuuya’s arm and yanking him behind herself.
“What? No!”— the boy exclaimed, clearly confused. He must've gotten manipulated by the Dazai lad.
“I wouldn't make the Chibi weep, ever!”— the bandaged youth declared, a hand held up in a promise,— “I swear on my moral integrity as a Port Mafia member!”
Kouyou huffed. Obviously nonsense.
“Then why are there tears on his face, huh?”— Dazai grinned.
“Because he missed his–”— he couldn't finish the sentence, since Chuuya threw a shoe? at him. Serves the little troublemaker right.
“I don't want to hear it from you,”— Kouyou rebuked,— “Chuuya, tell me yourself!”
She didn't know what she said wrong, but the lad was more reminiscent of a radish now rather than a human.
“Ane-san, uhh–”
“Yes?”— Kouyou switched to a whisper,— “If he's threatening you, I'll take care of him, don't worry.”
“He's not threatening me.”— Chuuya somehow took an even deeper shade of crimson.
“Then what?”
“What he said, about me missing him,”— he paused,— “that was true.”
“But why would you cry?”— she questioned. He mumbled something incomprehensible in response.
“Excuse me?”
“– ‘cause he's my boyfriend.”
Kouyou felt like a shotgun had just gone off, the bullet hitting her in the head.
“WHAT.”
Tachihara helpfully supplied,
“He's not lying!”— Kouyou glared at him.
He wasn't fazed, and continued.
“You wanna see pictures, Kouyou-san?”— and without further ado, Tachihara shoved his phone in her face.
Kouyou did. not. want. to. see. that.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME??”— she grabbed Tachihara.
“Where's Mori?”— Kouyou growled, her fingers digging in the poor man's shoulders.
“Uhh, I haven't seen him at all–”
“If you don't tell me where he is right now, I will unleash Golden Demon on you.”
“He went that way…”— Kouyou stormed off in the direction pointed.
Mori will pay for this. He promised that nothing would happen when he paired her Chuuya up with that idiot, but look at this now.
“Do you think Dazai-san will kill me if I send a video of this in the groupchat?”
“I mean, he literally asked me to make posters of them kissing and put it everywhere, so probably not, Ichiyo.”
“If you say a word about what went down today, you're dead.”
“Aww, slug, I love you too!”