Chapter Text
Scott's head hurt. This was the umpteenth meeting his advisors have held for him about this particular subject. Scott was tired of being asked about it- of talking about it- of having to bring it up to his husband in the form of complaints. What was worse was his advisors weren't the only ones that seemed worried about the subject. Recently Jimmy had been cornered by his table and pressed about the matter. Scott wondered if their counsels had a joint meeting without them. Something about duel pressure. It wasn't fair though. Jimmy and him were hardly pressing their thirties. They had a long while before either of them passed away, and it wasn't likely that war was on the brink that would threaten either of their lives. Sure, assassins were always on the table, but both kingdoms people seems rather satisfied with the state of the rulers. A child was the last thing Scott wanted to worry about.
"They're saying we have the time. There's nothing to do." Jimmy sat while Scott paced his room. "I mean- we are sort of filling time. They're not wrong. I've settled an agreement with the mythland and grimlands. You're not still butting heads with Joey are you?" Jimmy asked. Scott continued to pace.
"No." He was blunt. Jimmy opened his mouth to continue speaking his points. Scott cut him off. "But we shouldn't have a kid just because we have time, Jimmy. That could change anytime." He had had this conversation so many times the words felt rehearsed.
"Don't tell me you're actually thinking about it." Scott stopped in front of Jimmy, looking at him. Jimmy's face flushed and he looked out the window at the snow.
"Sort of." He admitted. "I think it would be nice. Having a family. Something to tie us together…" Jimmy looked back at Scott. Jimmy always looked out of place in Rivendell. But Scott made sure he knew he had a home here.
"We transfer between Rivendell and the Cod Empire too often. It would stress any kid out." Scott tried to not let his eyebrows furrow.
"Then we settle for periods of time until the kid gets used to it. We don't both need to travel." Jimmy leaned forward, grabbing Scott's cold hands and pulling him closer. Scott found his place standing between Jimmy's thighs.
"You said the Cod Empire could be a sub-kingdom under the Ocean Empire." Scott stated.
"And that's still true."
"Then it doesn't need an heir."
"That's not true." Jimmy frowned.
"Lizzie and Joel don't have a kid" Scott couldn't believe he was having this argument with his husband now. He didn't think this would even be a topic of conversation for a long while. Elves lived for… a while. He knew he'd outlive Jimmy, but that was for older Scott to worry about. But they were still young enough to not need to worry. (the thought of outliving his kid may have scared him all the same)
"They don't" Jimmy agreed. "But they've been discussing their options as well" Scott's face fell. Jimmy rubbed his knuckles and frowned up at him.
"…why don't you want a kid, Scott?" He asked in his softest voice. Scott didn't want to have this conversation. He tried to tug his hands away but Jimmy held on, not letting him leave.
"I won't judge you. I never do." Jimmy squeezed his hands and Scott rolled his eyes.
"You judge me when I sleep with a tank-top on."
"Because it's freezing!" Jimmy laughed. Scott smiled just a little before it fell again.
"I'm not fit to be a parent. I mean- look at my family history." Scott focused on his hands. Jimmy stayed quiet- almost waiting for Scott to elaborate. Scott's eyebrows furrowed and he wished they could just go to bed.
"My parents were leaders in being leaders. They… I don't know how to parent. I never was shown that love." Scott had already told Jimmy that. It wasn't a secret between them.
"And then Xornoth betraying me- the kingdom- almost putting us in ruin-" Scott could feel jimmy's eyes boring into him like he was a kicked puppy. "I just don't have good experience with family. Rivendell isn't a good place for a family." Scott thought about how he grew up being forced to sit straight, keep his clothes clean, his hair long, his feathers preened. The fact Jimmy was his husband, the furthest thing from pristine, probably had his mother rolling in her grave. He didn't want to put a child through that. Through the stares of his counsel, the constant reminder they were royalty.
"I'm not fit for being a parent." Scott's lower lip was trembling and he didn't know why. He didn't get why tears were building, or why Jimmy was suddenly standing up and pulling Scott to press his face into his shoulder.
"Oh Scott…" Jimmy rocked them side to side. Scott sniffled and tried to stop the emotional flood.
"Scott, come on. Look at me, okay?" Jimmy asked, his hand immediately finding Scott's cheek, using his thumb to wipe the cold tears.
"You're such a good person. You really are- and sometimes… you're advisors are scary, yes" Jimmy bobbed his head side to side. "But you've never let them say one mean thing to me. Any time they're rude, you correct them. Any time we have a knock at the door, you use your wings to hide me. When we sleep, you're all over me as if I'll be whisked away from you" Jimmy laughed. Scott rolled his eyes, but Jimmy made him look back at him.
"…I think you'd be a great Dad." Jimmy said it. The word. The thought of being called that made his stomach sink and his insides twist.
"no- not dad- I'm dad- or I'm Jimmy, but I can also be dad. You can be Scott. You can be parent! You'd-"
"Jimmy" Scott cut him off, smiling a little. Scott loved him. So much.
"Sorry-" Jimmy gave a crooked smile. "Scott Major of Rivendell. You would make an amazing parent." He watched Scott's face as if Scott would just shove him away and tell him to get out. Maybe five years ago he would have. "We could always stay in the Cod Empire until you're ready to bring them here" He offered. For some reason that didn't make him feel any better.
"…But if you really don't think this is the time, then we can wait. As long as you want, I'll tell them to all back off, I'll make it an off topic subject." Jimmy looked so serious. Scott didn't just love Jimmy, he was in love with Jimmy.
"Can we go to bed now? I'm cold" Scott whispered, leaning forward to press his forehead onto Jimmys shoulder.
"Well yeah- it's your, wait- you're cold?!" Jimmy scoffed. Scott laughed.
Three days later, they were laying in bed face to face, whispering and staring at each other while the sun rose through the windows. They'd be traveling to the Ocean Empire today to see Lizzie and Joel.
"-and then Joel had this really ugly costume on and Lizzie was just all over him, and I didn't really get it-" Jimmy was talking about this dream he had. "And Grian was just marching around singing this song and it was truly awful-" Jimmy huffed, his breath warm across the small space between them.
"I don't want a baby." Scott's face was blank. He tried to keep it level.
"What- oh- well, then we won't have a baby. I don't know how that would work anyways to be honest-" Scott didn't think Jimmy got it.
"No, Jim." Scott whispered, his knee crossing with Jimmy's under their blanket. "I don't want a baby. I don't want something small- breakable-"
"Well, if you ask Lizzie, I was unbreakable as a baby" Scott made a face and Jimmy understood. "Oh- oh, right- sorry-" he apologized instantly. A silence settled between them. Scott didn't know what he expected from Jimmy. They never said they needed nor wanted a baby. It was implied, he was sure that was what their advisors always thought of. Scott would carry. But would that even work? Jimmy was born from an egg, and Scott did not like the idea of giving birth to anything let alone an egg.
"…what- uhm- what do you want?" Jimmy's voice was a whisper again.
"…I don't know." Scott looked down at Jimmy's neck. Anything to avoid his eyes. "Just not a baby."
"…okay" Jimmy said slowly. "No babies. No little- sticky fingers."
"Definitely no sticky fingers"
"No screaming meltdowns."
"Oh please no" Scott groaned, turning his head into his silk pillow.
"…is there an orphanage in Rivendell?" Jimmy asked. Scott thought for a moment, his face still in silk. For some reason he could smell Jimmy deep in the pillows. Despite him being next to the king, Scott inhaled the scent from the pillows.
"I think so. I don't know that it's smart to pick a child from Rivendell though." Scott breathed out, looking back at Jimmy.
"…why not?"
"Imagine knowing your king walked into an orphanage and didn't pick you." Scott's eyebrows narrowed. Jimmy thought about it for a little before nodding.
"Okay… maybe one of the other kingdoms have systems. I mean, they'd have to. The ocean and cod empires don't… because typically they're passed through family…."
"What if there is no family?"
"The castle takes them. There's a nursery and everything. They go to school and are assigned families once they're old enough. Normally castle staff."
"That's…" Scott sighed. It wasn't worth the argument that that was technically an orphanage system.
"Let's ask Lizzie. Maybe she'll know more."
"Why not your advisors?"
"They'll have opinions." Scott deadpanned. Jimmy smiled sheepishly back. He still had sleep in his eyes.
"Right. Gods forbid they have opinions."
"Jimmy" Scott warned.
"Okay- okay. We'll talk to Lizzie first, see if she knows anything. I don't think we should actually do anything until we get counsel first" Jimmy expressed. Scott made a distressed noise and Jimmy pulled the elf into his personal space, nose to nose.
"Can't exactly show up with a kid and be like- "surprise!", I'm sure they'd very much dislike that. Especially from a random kingdom?" Jimmy pressed his nose to Scott's. Scott closed his eyes as he felt jimmys breath back on him.
"I guess so."
"I know so" Jimmy kissed Scott briefly. "Do you want to sleep in while I gather our things?"
Scott thought for a moment before kissing Jimmy again, not letting him go for a good moment until he decided they should breathe.
"No. I'll get up with you." Scott sighed, kissing Jimmy once more for luck.
The trip to the Ocean Empire was always peaceful. The scenery was nice and the flight was easy. It allowed Scott to ignore any thoughts that were trapped in his brain. Why think about everything going wrong when you have so much to look at. They were always made to be so welcomed too. The staff greeted them, asked them about their flight and assured them that Lizzie and Joel would be there as soon as possible.
Scott shifted in his seat as he waited quietly. He and Jimmy hadn't really said a word to each other since they left and Scott didn't know if that was for the better or not. He had no clue what Jimmy was thinking. He wished he knew.
"So… What can I help with?" Lizzie asked. Her voice was gentle as if she could tell that they were both a little stressed over the current events. Scott looked to Jimmy hoping he would be the one to explain their situation to his sister.
Jimmy caught the hint and sat up a little bit. "We need advice on adopting." Lizzie and Joel both just stared at them. Joel's face was the first to crack as he looked confused and slightly taken back. Scott stared down at his lap. Why was this so embarrassing? This was his sister-in-law, the person who raised Jimmy and seemed to always be okay with comforting Scott in times of need.
"Okay…" Lizzie exhaled. "And what exactly do you want us to help with?" Lizzie leaned forward, her face relaxed in a way that still seemed strained. Scott could feel Jimmy looking back at him. It was his turn to speak.
"We need to find an orphanage that's far enough away from here that it won't cause issues." Scott took the risk of looking at Joel. Joel was staring at him with some sort of intensity that made Scott almost uncomfortable. Lizzie hummed and looked between her brother and brother-in-law
"This is great-" she started, keeping her tone light. She could sense the nerves from both of them.
"We're just thinking about it-" Jimmy cut off. "Since… everyone's pressuring us." Lizzie stopped, her smile falling.
"Well if you don't want a kid, don't get a kid. Don't let these dorks bully you into doing something you regret" Joel scoffed, Lizzie nodding.
"Yeah. A kid is a lot of responsibility-"
"We just want to look into it. See what our options are." Scott didn't think there would be a day where he'd press on about having a kid. Maybe his advisors were getting to him.
Lizzie stared before smiling again. "Okay. I have an idea- but let me go look into something." She got up. "Stay here. I'll be only a minute " she squeezed Joel's shoulder and left the room. The door closing echoed and jimmy's hand found Scott's under the table. Scott couldn't be happier Jimmy was his husband.
"How come you're adopting?" Joel leaned back in his chair. Jimmys face got bright red.
"I don't think that's really your business-" Scott glared.
"Just curious! Wouldn't that be easier?" He clasped his hands over his stomach. Scott's lip twitched as he stared at the king.
"I don't think it's plausible." Scott didn't want to imagine the hardships he'd have to go through. "Plus, I don't want to carry an egg If Jimmys… whatever carries through." Scott snapped. Jimmy squeezed his hand. Joel blinked and looked like it just dawned on him.
"Huh. I forgot about that." He mumbled. "Did Lizzie come from an egg?" He sat up more. Jimmy rolled his eyes.
"I don't know, idiot. I was born after her."
"And you never asked?"
"It never mattered." Jimmy and Joel squabbled. Scott sighed and tuned them out. There was never a chance they'd have their own kid. If that was the only option, Scott would never agree. There were too many risks and Scott really didn't want a baby.
Jimmy and Joel's arguing ceased when Lizzie walked back in, narrowing her eyes at her husband and Jimmy. "Stop being mean to each other." She scolded and sat back down. Scott rolled his eyes and mumbled something about Joel starting it, earning him a warning exhale through the nose from Lizzie.
"I just sent a message to Grian." She watched Scott's face fall.
"I didn't tell him anything. I just said Joel and I were due for a visit and we'd be stopping by soon. This weekend." Lizzie watched as Joel looked just as shocked he was being dragged into this. "there's a rise of orphans in the Avianary, several babies, children, and teenagers." Lizzie looked a little disappointed by her own news.
"A virus wiped out a lot of adult avians. The same one that got grian and pearls parents. They're still recovering from the trauma, and the orphanages there aren't one to ask many questions. Especially about royals." She leaned on the table. Jimmy was squeezing Scott's hand so hard it almost hurt. but Jimmy could never hurt Scott.
"We'll go this weekend, Joel and I will keep Grian and Pearl occupied so they don't bug you. I'll contact an orphanage and arrange a private meeting. I suggest you write up a letter about your situation and think very hard about who you're looking for." Lizzie looked at Joel. They shared a look before looking back at the younger couple.
"This isn't like picking an axolotl or owl out. You can't just gaze at them and pick one. You have to find a fit." Scott felt very warm all the sudden. It was normally humid here, but he felt like he was starting to suffocate. This was real. He had actually made this choice. They were actually considering adopting a live child that they would have to raise and take care of.
"go back home. If you decide to back out, just send a message. This is a lot. A very big step, and I need you both to consider how this will change your lives" Lizzie reached her hands across the table. Only Jimmy reached out to her. Scott just stared.
"Okay. We will pick you up on Saturday morning. We'll stay in the Avianary until Sunday, so pack overnights." Lizzie looked at Joel again.
"Why am I coming along?"
"To see Grian." She deadpanned. Joel seemed to have gotten the hint and looked back to Scott.
Scott felt like his insides were about to come out of his mouth.
Scott was knelt at the altar, his hands clasped in front of his chest, his head tilted up. His hair was undone and tangled in his feathers, and gold was smeared in a vertical line in the center of his lips. He was here every few days, praying, asking for help, wondering occasionally if his sobs of uncertainty and grief fell on deaf ears. Or even worse, nonexistent ones. But it couldn't have been a coincidence that he had a dream of Aeor last night. For the first time in a very long time.
The light shining in the window burned his face, but he endured it as he prayed. He needed guided. He needed to know that this was what was right. That Aeor approved of a child being brought into their home. A child of impure blood.
Scott's thighs hurt and his legs were tingly from sitting on them for so long, but he needed to be here. He needed Aeor to listen to him. To help him. Hadn't he been punished enough? Was the silence for years not enough of a lesson?
The crown adorning antlers was the first thing he saw on the alter as he opened his eyes, squinting from the sun. His lips remained pressed together as he bowed his head, then carefully forced himself up. His legs hurt and his joints popped. He felt like. Puppet on strings as he walked back down the isle of the church. It was empty, thankfully. If there was people watching their Emperor break down on the alter (again) he probably would die on the spot from humiliation.
Jimmy was right outside the door, pulling Scott into a firm and heavy hug once the doors closed. Scott couldn't hug back, but he did sink into it, pressing his eyes closed to prevent tears from streaming down. He wouldn't let this child be a sacrifice for Aeor. Not like he was. But he still needed Aeor to prove that this was the right choice. That this was what would save him from the emptiness that has slowly begun spreading around the castle.
When he pulled back, there was gold smudged on Jimmys coat and Scott smiled a little at that, looking to Jimmy and cradling his cheek in his hand. Jimmy leaned into it before kissing Scott's forehead.
"It will be okay." He assured. Scott nodded, using his sleeve to wipe the rest of the gold off his lips as he followed Jimmy to where the carriages were. They'd be using pegasi to fly through the mountains, and then allowing them to walk the rest of the way once they got closer. Pegasi weren't common, but Rivendell seemed to have some of the last of them. And they were all taken care of as if they were the last of them.
"There they are! We've got a good journey ahead of us, so I hope you've packed things to keep you occupied." Lizzie opened the carriage door. Joel was already in there, reading some sort of book. He didn't look up as they climbed in, their things being stowed away.
Takeoff was easy, and getting through the mountains was hardly an issue. It felt like a good start. Scott watched the window wondering when it would all go wrong.
"Hey Liz." Joel closed his book finally. They all looked at him. Jimmy made a face as if he knew Joel was about to say something stupid.
"Why would they go for an avian if Jim's a fish?" He asked. Lizzie blinked before rolling her eyes at her husband.
"You are an idiot."
"No I'm not!" His voice squeaked. Scott smiled as Lizzie pointed out the obvious. "Scott doesn't like the water!! An avians bound to not!"
"They could be a duck- or a swan, or a flamingo-" Lizzie listed several water birds.
"What are the odds of that even being true?" Joel scoffed.
"High enough that it's worth taking a visit! Besides, the child doesn't need to reside in the water. It would be more convenient for them to fly especially when Scott and Jimmy already travel so much. What- do you want another fish in the mountains? Do you remember how hard Jimmy had it at first-" Lizzie chewed Joel out, Joel's face growing pink.
Jimmy snorted and let Scott lean on him. "You tell him, Lizzie." He encouraged. This seemed to only made Joel more upset and embarrassed.
"Coming from you, small and damaged egg" he crossed his arms and pouted. Jimmy just snickered and pressed his cheek into Scott's hair.
"I'm not the one who forgot some birds like water. Scott just doesn't like to be submerged." Jimmy announced proudly.
"I don't like to be wet and frozen after" Scott clarified. "And you always take me to the beach in the swamp. Do you know how gross that water is?" Scott hid his smile. Joel grinned as he saw it.
"Hey! I live in that swamp!"
"I know you do, Jim. I know you do" Scott closed his eyes, still smiling as he thought about their last trip there.
A figure loomed over Scott, making him feel small. It was colder than he was used to, and Scott had ditched his coat since they were going outside the mountains. The figure glowed gold and had antlers that reached far enough scott would have to actually strain his neck to see the end of them. Aeor.
"You seek answers." the voice was soft, sending both nerves and comfort in Scott. He couldn't open his mouth, his fingers finding his lips and coming away covered in gold. A sign he wasn't allowed to speak. He didn't have the right to, not in front of his God.
"You seek a child." He felt Aeor get closer, circling him like he was some sort of pray.
"You seek family." Scott could hear his heart in his ears.
"After what has happened? You seek family?" Aeor got closer. The cold was sinking into his bones and as much as it hurt, he found the figure comforting. This was what he imagined death would feel like.
"And with an outsider?" Scott knew Aeor didn't bless his marriage. He knew it only caused a riff between him and his God.
"A child I must share?" Aeor asked. There was no emotion to the voice. This wasn't Aeors child. This was His- Scott's.
"… A child that is not mine?" Aeor asked, now directly in front of Scott.
"Any child of yours is a child of mine. Any child under the veil is mine. And you're asking me to share?" Scott didn't know who Aeor would be sharing the child with. It wasn't like there was another deity that was claiming them.
"…You seek a child." Aeor asked again. Scott couldn't breathe, yet he wasn't suffocating.
"Are you worthy of a child?" Scott felt numb now. The cold was seeping into everything in him.
"Maybe. Maybe the champion is worthy." Aeors clawed hands grabbed Scotts face. A shadow of a stag appeared behind Aeor, finding Scott and charging right at him. Aeor held Scott's face so he couldn't run. All he could do was close his eyes.
"I don't know, This hasn't happened in a while, and He never actually told me what to do-" Jimmys voice was why Scott opened his eyes. He was blurry, and the air was still thin.
"Oh! Oh!" Joels voice was in front of him. Jimmy was warm and scott sighed, closing his eyes for just a moment more to cuddle into him. "He's awake! Scott- Scottie, come on, You froze the door-" Joel looked genuinely concerned for him. Scott opened his eyes again and looked to the other side of him. Frost lined the window and Lizzie, Joel and Jimmy were shivering.
"Scott?" Lizzie gently moved Joel back to his seat next to her. "Scott, you're okay. We're about ten minutes before we touch ground, and then another thirty before we arrive. You're in the carriage still, no disturbances. You fell asleep." Lizzie held Joel's hand. Joel still looked worried. Scott blinked and looked at Jimmy who's eyes were just focused on Scott. Scott turned his head into Jimmy, breathing slowly to control himself as Jimmy hugged him tightly.
"He's okay" Jimmy spoke up for him. Lizzie and Joel gave no response. Jimmy just squeezed him.
His first real dream with Aeor, and it didn't go the way he would have hoped. There wasn't an order to stand down, or a declaration of disappointment. There was a sense of possession though. Something that scared Scott all the same. He didn't want his- a child to be dragged into the church the same way he was. There may not be a Xornoth this time, nor an Exor. But there was the fear all the same. The fear that the child would be used to fill the gaps Scott couldn't seem to fail. He didn't even know what to tell Jimmy. Would Jimmy even want to have a child if he told him?
Scott didn't speak until they touched ground. "Are we being dropped off?" Scott asked. Joel looked at him and opened his mouth, Lizzie covering it for him.
"Yes. You'll be dropped off in town. After your meeting, We will regroup at the Town Hall."
"I thought Grian and Pearl weren't going to see us?"
"They won't have a reason to ask questions. We are spending the night with them, and saying you two wanted a vacation. They won't know anything you don't tell them." Lizzie promised. "Joel and I will keep them busy, keep them both out of your business. You have our word" Lizzie offered her hand to Scott. Scott found himself smiling at how careful and serious Lizzie was taking this.
"Grian can shove it. Him and Pearl both" Jimmy laughed. "They're too nosy for their own good. Not knowing this won't kill them." Jimmy grinned at Scott. Scott smiled back, his heart fluttering. This was real. This was happening. They might leave here with a child in mind to call theirs.
Suddenly Aeors voice didn't seem so loud compared to Jimmy's.