Archive of Our Own

The speeders outside slowly dropped off their sullen prisoners, abandoning them to the whims of the principal as the Saturday morning unfolded. Gray skies outside, gray hallways inside. There were tiny breaks in the monotony, tiny details that caught your eye as you walked in: red lockers, scuff-marked tile floors, motivational posters encouraging unity and discouraging recreational drugs. The corner of the bathroom held stalls filled with sharpie graffiti of all shapes and colors, the corners of the stairwells collected candy wrappers and crumpled notes passed and long-forgotten. A lunchline, normally filled with First Order students, sat abandoned. In the midst of the unnerving quiet of the vacant high school, one by one five students made their way inside.

A redhead came in and sat first, his posture straight and arms crossed. He was wearing a long, expensive-looking black overcoat with shoulderpads, and his red hair was a stark and beautiful contrast to the otherwise drab decoration in the library. He held his elbows with black leather fingers, and when no other students came in directly after him he seemed to relax. His facial expression suggested that had no idea why he had to be here. Bored, cold, resigned. He’d protested in the front seat of the speeder, told his father that he didn’t belong with the other riff-raff. Yet here he was.

The next person to enter was someone he knew, but not that well. He pretended to ignore them, but the athlete walked up and silently pointed to the chair beside him. The redhead shrugged one elegant shoulder, looking up to acknowledge that he knew the guy. Black curly hair, tan, on the wrestling team. It was okay if he sat down, they traveled in the same circles. The redhead wouldn’t kick him away, but hadn’t wanted to invite him either.

Next in was a kid with books and a backpack in his arms. He shuffled forward as if he were walking through sand, barely picking up his feet. He took a quiet seat behind the redhead and brunette, taking off his white and black beanie to set it down and scratch his scalp. He glanced up in fear when the fourth student’s silhouette filled the library doorway.

Everyone knew this one’s name, or at the very least knew of his reputation. Still wearing his sunglasses, he touched everything on the counter compulsively; flicking through magazines on the rack, running his fingertips over the monitor of the computer behind the desk, stealing a pack of unused index cards and pocketing them after barely enough of a glance to tell what they were. He wore a long black trench with a short red scarf tied about his shoulders. Every piece of clothing was frayed, or torn, or altered in some way, whether out of boredom or necessity. He sauntered up to the kid behind the redhead and brunette, stared him down. With one gesture, he flung the kid to the floor without touching him.

Luckily, the kid landed on his feet and simply stepped over to the opposite side of the room, alone. The bespectacled man-child sat down, propping his feet up on the chair next to him as he leaned back, already feigning sleep. The redhead rolled his eyes after matching glances with the brunette, as if he were already fed up with the guy but neither of them having the guts to say anything to him about it.

The last person to arrive was a little nobody who flitted to the back with her arms full of her purse, heavy-laden as if she were wearing as many layers as she could and carrying a tiny animal in her bag that she was attempting to keep warm. She sat down two seats behind the kid who’d been pushed, with barely a hush of fabric sighing around her, and seemed to almost tuck into herself as she slouched and glanced around the room. Her eyes belied her slouch; they were bright and clever, and very awake. Not that any of her classmates noticed at all.

The principal strode in only mere seconds after her arrival, his silence different from theirs. They had nothing to say to him or to one another, whereas he felt he was entitled to all of the words that existed at present. When he opened his mouth, the kid in the sunglasses yawned.

“Welcome to detention. You will sit here, in silence, in punishment, mulling over what you’ve done. Today, for the next eight hours, you will have some time to think about who you are as people,” the principal said, walking in to pass out notebook paper to each of them. “We will be writing essays, kids. Essays on who you think you are. You may not just write the same word repeated over and over,” the principal glared at the boy in the sunglasses, whose head was lolled back as if he were intensely passed out. “You may not talk. You may not move. And you-” the principal yanked the chair out from under the boy’s feet, jolting him into a seated position, “-may not sleep. Got it?”

Everyone nodded. The scrawny kid in front of the girl stood up, his hands shaking a bit.

“I just want to say, sir, that uh, I’ve learned my lesson already and there will be no repeat offense from me. None.”

“Sit down, son,” the principal snapped.

“Yeah,” the kid muttered, as if he were talking to himself, reminding himself that it had been a bad idea in the first place to stand up when he hadn’t been asked to. He leaned down on the desk, drumming his pen as the kid in the back chuckled darkly.

“And what, Mister Ren, is so funny?”

“Nothing. I was just wondering, who recommends your wrinkle cream? I mean, you are using some right? Because otherwise that frown of yours is going to just stick-”

“Why don’t we find out next saturday, when I see you here for another detention?” the principal sneered, his eyes glinting like he thought he’d won. The kid pulled off his sunglasses and glared right back.

“I’m free, but beyond that I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“That’s another one,” the principal warned. The kid opened his mouth to retort, but it never left his lips.

“Cut it out,” the redhead snapped, turning slightly to address the kid in black. Shock seemed to make the guy sit back in his chair, done arguing for now. His face, before the mask resettled into place, had ‘charmed’ written all over it. The redhead turned around, pretended not to notice, and the principal took that as his cue to leave. The door shut behind him, sealing their fate.

So started the longest eight hour detention in the history of First Order High.

~~~

“You know you shouldn’t do that,” the sweet boy to the side said, but nobody was listening to him. The back-talker was by the periodicals, sitting on the railing near the redhead, and was tearing pages out of a book with slow, neat precision. He let the pages flutter to the floor, not caring what was on them. He seemed to simply enjoy the act of destroying something. Every few pages, he would make a tiny motion with his hand and send them in a spiralling whirlwind. He had long since abandoned his sunglasses.

“Real intelligent, Ren,” the brunette said, adjusting his hoodie.

“Don’t even talk to him, Poe,” the redhead mumbled. “Just a second ago he was using his mind to light his shoe on fire.”

“I only lit my shoe so that I could light my cigarette, Cherry,” Ren said to the redhead.

“Don’t call him that,” Poe snapped, “And stop destroying school property.”

“You’re so right, Poe,” Ren said with fake sincerity, his dark hair falling in front of one eye as he waved the book around by its spine. “I’ve seen the error of my ways. Reading is so much fun. This guy, uh,” Ren narrowed his eyes at the title, making the redhead bite back a smile. “This guy Kenayta really herds my nerfs, know what I’m sayin’?”

“Kanata,” the redhead says, smiling slightly at the mispronunciation.

“What?”

“Maz Kanata,” he clarifies. “And she’s not a guy.”

Ren’s eyes narrowed, his interest now completely vested in the redhead, who fidgeted as if he regretted bringing the dark brown eyes to rest on his face. A smile was still visible, however, on his face as he lowered it. Ren seemed to pick up on it without seeing, blindly interpreting the air around the redhead’s being.

“Are we interested in literature, then, sweets?” Ren purred. “Got some story recommendations for me?” It wasn’t what he said, so much as how he said it. The redhead’s jaw clenched reflexively, and he turned completely away from the delinquent.

“Leave him alone,” Poe said, his voice a bit louder than he’d intended.

“Or what, you’ll tell your daddy on me?” Ren snarled, glancing up like he had been rudely interrupted from a polite dinner conversation.

“No, I’ll lose my temper. And if I lose my temper, you’re totaled buddy,” Poe replied, shedding his red and black letter jacket and rising to his feet slowly. Ren imitated the gesture, standing from the railing to walk over to stand by the challenger.

“On school grounds?” Ren tutted, whooping slightly as he mimed wiping sweat from his brow. “I’m ready coach. Put me in, coach, let’s do this.” Poe looked aloof, as if the stereotype didn’t phase him. Maybe he was desensitized to it.

“Nah. Not here. After school.”

“Fraid I can’t. It’s now or never.”

“Forget you, you coward. You don’t get it, what it’s like to have a career to think about. Meets to think about.” Poe turned, sniffing at the air, before turning back to Ren. “You have no motivation to do anything,” Poe snapped, turning and walking towards the statue. “You’re pathetic. A loser. Doesn’t matter what someone like you does, you might as well not even exist.”

“Yeah, I cry myself to sleep at night wishing that I could do what you do. I wish I could be striving to earn my daddy’s love, one fake-gold medal at a time. Does it feel like a hug, when they drape them around your neck? Or do they feel heavy in a different sense?”

“Don’t go projecting on me, asshole.”

“Oh, it’s not projection. I’m just calling you out on your denial. You forget, unless you’re working hard to keep me out, I got an idea of your thoughts.” Poe rolled his eyes.

“Force users aren’t trained to do shit like that until they’re ready to graduate. Which uh…” Poe dragged his eyes over Ren’s punk stance, all the way down to his boots tied off with a red bandana and then back up again, “something tells me you’re not ready for just yet.”

“Yeah, and you are? I’m sure that funneling all your energy into wrestling helps you forget about all the time otherwise spent at home, alone, comforting your poor mother. Tell me, sport-o, when did you last see your pilot father? Did he make your last meet? Or was he off in a galaxy far, far away--”

Poe lunged forward as if to hit him, Ren’s hands lifted at the ready with open palms facing the athlete, but the scrawny boy in the sweater intervened. He laid a hand on each of their shoulders, talking over their shouts.

“Guys, guys, come on,” the kid said, and Ren smacked his hand away. Poe seemed to calm, swallowing hard and turning to walk backwards towards the statue while shrugging gently out from under the sweet kid’s palm. “I understand, you know, I have family problems too. We all have them, like with me, with being part of the dorm crew, I don’t ever get to see my parents, you know?”

“You’re a stormtrooper?” the redhead asked, his voice cynical, half-disbelieving. The kid nodded, shrugged. The redhead turned away.

“I mean, yeah, but you know-”

“Look, kid,” Ren’s eyes were half-lidded, his disdain evident in the curl of his lip. “No offense, but you’re a gigantic nerd, being a part of the stormtroopers. All you do is sit in class, study, then go back to the dorms after school to basically do class shit there too. Your rifle range training is boring, no live ammunition, and your combat training is mainly invisible forms. You’re vanilla, just like all the other little beans in your pod. You’re like the perfect fucking clone of a child, your parents wouldn’t even recognize you if they came back to save you.”

“Hey,” Poe turned back, and the girl in the very back of the room lifted her head to stare angrily at Ren from where she’d been laying down forehead-first on the desk. “You can’t talk to him like that.”

“Like what?” Ren asked, feigning innocence while the kid slouched, defeated, against a table opposite him. He wouldn’t look at any of them, just kept his eyes on the floor, as if he were about to cry from the assessment. “Like he’s a clone?”

“Yeah! Why do you have to insult everybody?” Poe demanded.

“I’m being honest, asshole,” Ren said, punctuating his words with slow, conductor-like movements of his hand in Poe’s direction. “I would expect you to know the difference.”

“He’s not a clone. He’s got a name.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Poe blinked, then turned to the kid without missing a beat. “What’s your name?”

“Finn,” he said, his voice weak and hopeful. He turned to look at Poe, eyes wide. The girl in back tilted her head, while the redhead rolled his eyes and gently peeled off his leather gloves as he shrugged off the gigantic black coat he’d worn in.

“Woof. Choose that name yourself?” Ren asked rhetorically, brushing past them to go back to where he had dropped the book to the floor.

“What’s your name?” the redhead asked Ren. The delinquent paused, furrowed his brow.

“What’s yours?”

The redhead frowned, a bit taken aback at the retort, then replied, “Cristoph.”

“Cristoph?” Ren repeated, incredulous, drawing the syllables out more daintily than the redhead preferred.

“It’s a family name,” he said, then amended, “Cristoph Hux.”

“I like that last part better. Hux. That’s a name I could get behind,” Ren bit his lip, standing in front of where Hux was seated. The redhead’s eyelashes fluttered, like he could will away the image of Ren doing exactly that. Ren smirked, then added, “Sounds less like a fat kid gorging on chocolate than the name Cristoph anyway.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’m not fat.”

“Not at present. But maybe when you get older, get out of the academy, stop working out so rigorously, you’ll find yourself a lover to spoil you with chocolates and sweeties and…” Ren mimed inflating himself, his fingers waggling exaggeratedly through the holes he cut in his gloves. Hux sneered and flipped him off. “Oh.” Ren smirked, then puckered his lips as if he were offended. “An obscene gesture from such a pristine officer.”

“Officers aren’t always that pristine,” Hux mumbled. But he sat back in his chair, looking as if he wished he could keep his eyes off of the guy in front of him. As if he wished he’d just let that comment go.

“Really? Are you telling me you’re less than clean, sir?”

“I never said that.”

“Are you a virgin?” Ren asked, his voice lower as he leaned down onto the table. Hux narrowed his eyes, engaged now in the staring contest. His jaw clenched. “I’ll bet you a million credits that you are,” Ren whispered, his voice a low murmur, keeping Hux enraptured. “Tell me, sir. Have you ever deflowered a young lady? Conquered her mounds? Pillaged her village?”

Hux burst out laughing despite himself, cold mirth written across his features. Ren stared on, unphased by the sudden noise. His tongue darted out to wet his upper lip.

“Ahhh… I see. Have there been many prospective Mr. Huxes, then?”

That shut him up. Hux stopped, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and stared at Ren.

“Ding ding ding. Tell me, ah… what’s your rank again, on student council?”

“General,” Hux whispered, as if grateful to have been asked a question he knew the straightforward answer to.

“Tell me, General. How far have you gone with another boy?” Ren leaned in a bit further, his voice a husky purr. Hux’s lips parted automatically, but his expression seemed to say that he wasn’t aware of just how enraptured he looked. Ren’s voice painted a picture, one of dark rooms and whispered breaths. “Over the blouse. Under the jacket. One hand on your belt buckle, the other making your medals jingle as he slides them off your chest?” Hux swallowed, looking breathless, but he didn’t glance away. He neither confirmed nor denied anything. It was as if he were frozen. Ren licked his lower lip, switched up the fantasy, searched for a sign he was right. “Under the blouse. Blazers balled up on the floor. Suite lights off, praying to god your resident assistant doesn’t walk in-”

“That’s enough,” Poe said finally, breaking whatever spell Ren had put Hux under. The redhead blinked, bringing one shaky hand up to fluff through his hair. Poe was pointing at Ren from back by Finn. “Don’t you talk to him. Don’t even look at him. Force users like you aren’t to be trusted.”

“I’m trying to help him,” Ren said, sauntering over to his forgotten book. “Not my fault he’s a fucking cherry.” He bent to pick up the half-destroyed memoir, hiding the flush on his cheeks with his wavy hair as he did so.

~~~

“Wake up.”

The principal’s voice woke them all from their bored stupor, each of them passed out like kittens sprawled over their desks. It was lunch time. The principal gave them each a carton of blue milk from the cafeteria, passing them down the line. Ren took his and scoffed.

They each took out their packed food from their prospective purses and backpacks. The girl at the back took out a hunk of bread and some beef jerky, along with a can of soda and some old-looking straws of pure sugar that she proceeded to pour into a hole she’d made in the bread with her thumb. She had a baggy of dry cereal, and some kind of weird green vegetable film that she promptly took out of its wrapper and threw onto the statue behind her.

Slowly, the noises she was making drew the attention of the others. She stuffed the beef jerky into the sugar-hole she’d made in the bread, along with some of the kibble-like cereal. It was as if she had scavenged everything from the back of a convenience store and couldn’t wait to eat it all; it had to be at once, all at once or it might go away. Finn’s lip curled as he watched her sip her soda and then pour a tube of sugar into the already too-sweet carbonated beverage.

Satisfied, the girl went to raise her makeshift sandwich to her lips and noticed everyone staring. She bit down resolutely, chewing with her mouth slightly open as if she didn’t know when she would get her next meal and she dared any of them to try to come take this from her. The students all turned, ranging from mildly amused to absolutely horrified, back to their own food.

Poe was laying out enough food to feed five children, including a few chicken breasts and some drinks that everyone assumed had to be a protein-amino shake of some sort. Typical sports fuel, his body a machine he had to keep running at peak efficiency. With everything spread out on the table, though, he seemed to be a bit perturbed at the quantity. When he opened his first sandwich, he tucked in quietly, almost as if he was ashamed at the amount he was about to consume. If he was blushing, nobody could tell because he was hunched so far over his meal.

Ren, with no food of his own, leaned over the table and gestured to Hux’s lunch.

“What is that?”

“Sushi.” Hux snapped his chopsticks free of one another, poured soy sauce into a tiny dish, tossed in a packet of wasabi. He turned to glance over his shoulder at Ren, who was aghast at the concept.

“What?”

“It’s raw fish, rice, and seaweed,” Hux said, motioning to the meal with his chopsticks as he smiled. Like he was teaching a small child something new about the world, enlightening him, relishing that he knew more. Ren’s jaw dropped.

“So you won’t accept a guy’s tongue in your mouth, but you’ll eat that?”

“Can I eat?” Hux asked, pursing his lips, indignant.

“I dunno. Give it a try,” Ren said, dubiousness coloring his expression. He turned to focus on Finn, but the kid was already tucking into his bland, standard issue meal packet. Not even worth commenting on, just like the other stormtroopers ate every day and every night. Ren sniffed, then swung up onto the statue away from them all. Their thoughts were too loud, even while eating, and it was probably the most annoying thing besides not having any food of his own. On a whim, he shouted down to them, “Hey. When you little piggies finish stuffing your faces, I got an idea.”

~~~

One idea and failed hallway sneak later, and all five of them were out and stuck by the gate. All because they hadn’t listened when Ren had told them to turn left at soldering instead of going right towards the cafeteria. They’d followed Hux, who was staring, tight-lipped and ashamed, at the grey bars blocking them from cutting through the cafeteria back to their prison in the library. The idea had been to sneak out, grab a bag of Marcan herb from Ren’s locker along the way, and sneak back to the library without anyone knowing. They hadn’t expected the principal to be out walking, and they kept barely missing him in the hallways. They were going to get caught. They were going to get in even more trouble. This was going to be bad.

“You couldn’t have sensed him with the force?” Finn asked, jostling Ren’s arm.

“That’s not how the force works!” Ren snapped.

“Jesus, I can’t have another Saturday of this hell,” Hux mumbled. Ren shot him a look, then sighed deeply.

“Only one choice here,” Ren said. He turned to Finn, pulling open his waistband to tuck the small baggy of herb into his underwear. “Precious cargo,” he mumbled, giving Finn a cup-check that made the kid gasp. Ren turned and glared at Hux briefly before bursting into loud, gibberish noises that took on a semblance of a melody as he ran off into the school hallways.

“Is that… the fucking Mos Eisley commercial?” Poe huffed under his breath, laughter on the edge of every word. His laughter was contagious. The girl next to him chuckled and nodded, covering her mouth with her hand as she pulled Finn along with the other. It was that same exact annoying diddy they played on the commercial advertising the cantina outside of town, and Ren was singing it as loud as he could to draw the principal after him. The song echoed throughout the whole school as Ren gave them enough time to get around and back to the library through the activities hall. Hux found himself giggling all the way back, right up until Ren was dragged in by the collar by the principal back into the library. The rest of them had made it back with a few minutes to spare, hands folded over their tables like good little angels. They watched, guilty and impassive, as Ren stomped into the room with his hands behind his head.

“Our friend Kylo here has decided he won’t be sticking with the pack for the duration of detention,” the principal said, shoving Ren so hard that he almost took a knee in front of the tables. He recovered, his posture like one who knew how to expect and evade punches from adults who were supposed to protect him, and went over to gather his backpack and things in a silent rage. The principal grabbed at his shoulder, wanting him to move faster, and Ren thrashed, pushing the principal’s arm off of him with the force. The students all shrank back, wanting to stand up for the person who’d kept them from getting in trouble, but fearing more the scholarly repercussions. It ended in Ren leaving, with nobody speaking up on his behalf. In his wake, quiet like the morning had held before. No words to say, none that they were comfortable enough voicing aloud.

They would’ve all felt worse if Kylo Ren hadn’t come crashed through the ceiling a mere fifteen minutes later.

“What the fuck?” Hux shout-whispered.

“Forgot my pencil,” Ren shrugged, dusting himself off. Not a scratch even from falling from that high up. Footsteps signaled the principal was coming, running towards the door. Hux grabbed Ren, shoved him under the table.

“Stay quiet,” Hux ordered.

“What was that ruckus?” the principal yelled, bursting through the library doors with an expression of vengeance on his face.

“Um, what ruckus?” Poe asked, crossing his arms over his chest. The girl in the back yanked her hood up over her buns, then slammed her forehead into the table. She made a small squeaking noise, as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t.

“What’s her problem?”

“She doesn’t talk, sir,” Poe said.

“Nevermind all that. I know I heard a ruckus.”

“Could you describe said ruckus?” Poe asked, the picture of innocence.

“Watch your tone young man.”

Underneath the table, by Hux’s legs, Ren noticed that the redhead’s knees were slightly spread. They didn’t close when Ren ran his palm over Hux’s knees, didn’t close when Ren reached forward further to slide a palm against his thigh. Ren bit his lip, moving further still, and elicited a sharp grunt from the redhead as he finally snapped his knees shut in a reflexive grab.

As if on cue, the students all began a litany of coughs and chair scrapes, even the girl at the back lifted her head to join in. The principal looked aghast. Under the desk, Ren moved his hand, massaging at Hux’s thigh insistently. He moved forward as if he were going to replace his hand with his mouth, and Hux kicked out at him harshly. Ren jolted up and bumped his head against the table. Finn kicked at the chair beside him. Poe beat out a drum rhythm.

“What is going on here?”

“Was that the ruckus, sir?” Poe asked.

“No, that was not,” the principal said, his flinty stare signaling to Poe that he knew the students were up to something but couldn’t call them on it exactly. He looked at the four kids, their expressions unreadable and forcibly blameless, and he squinted his eye further. “If I come back and find one thing out of place, you’ll all be finding closets of your own like Kylo Ren. You hear me? Isolated suspension, for the lot of you!” He turned, walked out of the library, and as soon as the door closed the students burst into nervous laughter. Ren crawled out from under the table, Hux’s fists pounding on his back as he did so. He stayed squatted down, as if he didn’t want to loom over Hux in any way.

“It was an accident,” Ren said, straightfaced, trying to convince Hux that was he said was true. He glared at the redhead, daring him to correct him.

“Asshole,” Hux replied, his face flush. He shook his head at Ren, not believing a word of it. Ren seemed surprised, as if that statement before should have worked on Hux, convinced him of his impeachability. He smirked.

“Bite me,” Ren whispered. Hux grit his teeth, had to turn away as Ren rose up and walked over to Finn. “Can I grab my meds, kid?” Finn looked up, eyes wide and scared, until Ren’s meaning dawned on him. He slipped the Marcan herb from his boxers, passing it to Ren as if it were fragile. Ren tipped an imaginary hat to him and walked off to the back of the library to light up a joint.

~~~

Surprisingly, Hux and Finn were the ones to sit with him as he smoked. Hux was deliciously unable to hold his smoke, however eager he was to try. Ren found out that Hux’s tongue would dart to capture the end of each mouthful of herb he inhaled; the gesture was unconsciously disarming. Finn, for as much as he seemed a straightlaced little robot of prefect academic performance, was much better at keeping his lungs filled for longer. He was higher than the two of them combined, and had on Ren’s sunglasses. He kept putting on silly voice while the girl and the wrestler hung back watching them from the outskirts, uninvited but also unwilling to ask for inclusion.

“Officers just can’t hold they smoke,” Finn said, gesturing to Hux’s heavy-lidded form stretched back over the recliner in the magazine section. Hux had coughed up his first hit before it even touched the bottom of his lungs, but he was holding down his second alright. Ren watched, fascinated and more than a bit fond of the beautiful redhead, especially when he could watch Hux’s long fingers trail his bare throat as his buzz filtered over him. But that might have been Ren’s own buzz talking. He wasn’t sure.

“Do you know how popular I am?” Hux asked, his eyes smiley half-moons as he inhaled another small mouthful of the acrid smoke. “I’m so popular, everyone’s so in love with me…”

“Poor baby,” Ren offered, laughing with Hux. Hux smiled to himself, leaning back into his high, enjoying the sound of Ren’s peacefulness and the surprising white of his smile when he grinned innocently over at Hux from across the couch. It was lucky Finn was off in his own little happy world; he never knew of the stolen glances he was otherwise intruding upon as he took the joint from Hux’s fingertips.

Eventually, even Poe aqcuiesced to a bit of disorder and came over to smoke with them. Kind of. He really just grabbed a portion of Ren’s herb and went off into the AV room to smoke by himself, but nobody seemed to want to stop him. The girl with her bag stayed around the perimeter, watching them, sketching in her notebook, until the initial buzz had worn down and the students were starting to wander. Poe captured Finn’s attention, bringing him over to the comfortable couches to trade backpacks. Ren and Hux were going through each other’s bags as well. It seemed like a right of passage that the girl was left out of. She walked over, sat on the edge of the couch where Finn was seated, and loudly asked, “Does anyone want to see what I have in my bag?”

“No,” both boys said at once, completely certain. They didn’t know her, and she hadn’t said anything to them until now, so it made sense. Still, it hurt. She paused and jutted her chin out. In one swift motion, she dumped her bag upside down so that its contents spilled out over the empty seats between them.

“What the fuck,” Poe mumbled. Finn looked up, concerned. There was so much. How could one bag fit so much stuff? The two boys shared a quick look before turning their focus to the things on the couch. Finn picked through the items warily, as if they were set to burst upon contact. A comb, changes of underwear, socks, toothbrushes, tampons, pens, sketching paper, loose money, a mirror.

“Are you… trying to run away?” Finn asked.

“You never know when you’ll need to pack up and move on,” the girl said defensively, their concerned faces not the reaction she had been hoping for. She started to gather everything together. “You know what? Nevermind. I’m done talking about this.”

“Wait, you can’t just dump everything out like that and then say you don’t want to talk about it,” Finn protested.

“I said forget it!” she snapped. “I bet you don’t even know my name.”

“So what’s your name?” Finn asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, scooping the items together to shove them back into the black fabric she had slung around her shoulders.

“It matters to us,” Poe said quietly. She paused in her movements, her jaw working like she wanted to say something. “Is it bad?” Her eyes snapped up to the wrestler’s, bright and defiant a stark contrast to his unbent stare. “Is it so bad that you want to run?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, getting up and abandoning the rest of the contents where they lay. She moved to go, but Finn got up and followed her. She whirled on him, saw Poe standing behind him to listen. It was as if she resigned herself to talking, and then couldn’t stop. “You don’t know what it’s like, moving here in the midde of the year. Knowing nobody. Parents abandoning you in the dorms, not even the officers quarters, but the lower dorms. Overlooked. A nobody.” She was close to tears. She stopped, not letting them fall.

“I would,” Finn said gently. She frowned at him. “No, really, I would. I’m in the academic clubs, part of the stormtroopers, we just… literally what Ren said we do. We train all day in school, then go back to our rooms and do the same. It gets so lonely. My parents left me here, left me to that kind of life. So… I understand. Do you ever talk to your parents?”

“No.” She let a tear slip out. “They ignore me.”

“Yeah.” Finn nodded, completely knowing the feeling. Poe bit his lip and nodded too, behind Finn’s shoulder.

“Well, we won’t,” Poe promised, standing back as if he didn’t want to intimidate her. “So what’s your name?” The girl sniffled, swiped at her eyes quickly with one hand. She stared at them, back and forth, and for a few minutes Finn seemed scared she was going to either run or punch them. But then she merely spoke.

“My name’s Rey,” she whispered.

~~~

“So are all of these pictures of people you’re dating?”

“Nah, just some of them.”

“I don’t understand. Some?” Hux grimaced.

“Yeah. Some of them I consider my girlfriends or boyfriends. Others I just… consider.”

“Consider what?”

“Whether or not I want to hang out with them,” Ren said, scowling over at Hux as if that should be obvious. He sounded exasperated. His flips through Hux's papers became sharper, each fling of the page reminding Hux of how Ren had torn Kanata's memoir to shreds. He quirked an eyebrow at the delinquent.

“So you don’t believe in just one person for one person?”

“Why, do you?” Ren shot, looking up with suspicious eyes.

“Yeah, I do,” Hux said, settling back into his couch cushion. “It’s how it should be.” He grazed his eyes over Ren’s torso until their gazes met, a crackle of attraction almost tangible between the two of them. One blink and Ren was turning back to Hux’s bag. It was filled with notebooks, where Hux took meticulous stock of everything that happened during his days at school. He had pens, pencils, erasers, all manner of stationary. It made for a really cluttered container.

“Why do you have so much shit in your bag?” Ren huffed, as if he were looking for a change in conversation more than a real answer.

“Why do you have so many boyfriends and girlfriends?” Hux asked, flitting through the people, the yearbook photos, some signed and some not, that Kylo Ren kept in a plastic booklet. He wondered who was considered, and who wasn’t. The question seemed to make Ren uncomfortable because he shrugged, redirected.

“I asked you first.”

“Well…” Hux shook his head, not sure. “I guess I just can’t bring myself to throw anything away.” Ren’s mouth opened slightly, a lip part that Hux couldn’t stop staring at. It turned into a slow smirk.

“Neither can I.”

“Oh.” Hux rolled his eyes, tossing the booklet to the couch and picking up the lighter Ren apparently didn’t need. Ren levitated it from his fingers at the last second, smirking over at him. Hux bit his lips, barely concealing a smile.

~~~

They all found themselves talking about what had gotten them to this point, gotten them to detention. There was something surreal about being in a school, alone, for the entire day. It was as if they were the last remaining humans on their planet, the last of the First Order, and they had to share their secrets lest they perish along with the rest of human history.

Poe shared first. He had bullied a stormtrooper, one that Finn was friends with, and stuffed him in a locker that was too small and had dislocated his shoulder. It had prevented the kid from attending the rifle range exam; because of Poe he would have to make it up in the following semester. At this guilt, and possibly the combined glare of Finn to his right, Poe cracked.

“How do you apologize for something like that?” he whispered. The group wasn’t meant to answer, just as they were almost not even meant to hear. His tearful apology didn’t matter in the form of words, it just mattered how he felt. It was as if everyone in the circle was forgiving one another for their sins.

“I understand what you mean,” Finn said as Poe swiped a tear away. “It’s like me with my grades. You know. When I look outside of myself, like in on myself… I don’t like what I see. Just another faceless soldier. I can’t stand it.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Hux asked, hoping he had kept his voice from sounding too bitter. Finn snapped at attention, frowning. Poe put out a protective hand. “Why don’t you like that, isn’t that what stormtroopers want?”

“To be nameless? To be faceless?”

“If you didn’t want that, you shouldn’t have become one.”

“It’s not that easy, Hux,” Finn almost shouted.

“Yeah, Hux, we can’t all just be born into the world of shimmering splendor that you were,” Ren snapped. Hux turned, betrayal on his face as if he thought Ren would’ve understood his side.

“I can’t help where I come from. I wish it weren’t the way of things, but it is, okay? It’s not my fault. Just like you can’t help being a force user.”

“Don’t you compare genetics to class status, little prince. You don’t get to complain, not like this. Not when you’re wearing designer sweaters draped around that regal neck of yours, with crystal bars pinned on your fucking blouse-”

“Shut up,” Hux frowned.

“-Are those real diamonds, Hux? I bet they are. I bet those are real diamond bars that your rich kid club required your mommy and daddy to buy for you-”

“Shut up!” Hux kicked at him, but Ren didn’t stop. Hux gave up, staring at him with barely repressed rage.

“You’re so precious, aren’t you? So pivotal. I’m sure they’d shut down the entire campus if you were missing from school. Have you ever been absent? Missed an exam? No, I bet they wouldn’t allow for it, you would get makeups immediately if you were missing! Oh no, call the cops, Hux is gone!” Ren mocked, his voice singsong.

“Shut your damn mouth!” Hux protested. “You don’t know a thing about me!”

“I know that you’re proud. Way too proud for your own good. You’d snub a million credits if it were the price for debasing yourself in any way,” Ren smirked. Hux didn’t refute it, almost like he couldn’t understand why the comment felt like an insult. “Bet you a million credits on it.” Ren winked after, and Hux wanted to strangle him.

“I don’t need a million credits,” Rey piped up. “Debasing yourself is something that has to happen at one time or another. I’ve done what I had to do to survive.”

“Like what?”

“Pick a category,” Rey said, shrugging. “Scavenging, sneaking, seducing-”

“Wait, so,” Finn gulped audibly. “Does this mean, you’ve…?”

“Of course.”

“You’ve done it,” Finn said bluntly, his jaw set.

“Yes.”

“With who?” Poe asked, either concern or admiration tingeing his voice.

“Well, first-”

“First? As in you’ve had sex with more than one person?” Hux demanded. He shook his head, a wry smile on his lips. “I don’t buy it.”

“It’s true! We were both runaways at my old school, caught in an ice storm. He was ten years older than me, but I don’t think what we did could technically be considered illegal, seeing as we did it out of necessity for warmth-”

“My fucking god,” Hux scoffed.

“How about you?” Rey asked, leaning forward.

“I’m plenty warm enough, thanks,” Hux snapped, after just the slightest moment’s hesitation.

“No, she meant, have you ever done it?” Kylo interrupted. Hux turned, horror written on his face. He carefully wiped his mouth clean of all lines, his expression lofty and bored in an instant.

“I thought we already covered this before.”

“You never answered the question,” Ren shot back.

“Answer the question,” Finn urged.

“Yeah, it’s just a simple question,” Poe added.

“Come on, we’re all sharing and caring here,” Kylo Ren said, adding to the cacophony. Hux’s chest rose and fell, faster and faster, as the men in the group pushed him with tiny phrases and goading comments until he broke.

“No! Alright? I’ve never done it!”

There was quiet, a breath as Hux tried to regain his blushing composure. Ren was staring at him from over the bridge of his nose, darkly intrigued.

“I haven’t either,” Rey confessed, sitting back. “I was just curious what the truth was about you.”

“You’re such a bitch,” Hux spat.

“I would though. If you love someone, it’s okay,” Rey said, holding her chin up defiantly at the group of men.

“Where the hell did this come from,” Hux whined. “You don’t say anything all day, then you go and unload all of these lies on me.”

“You’re just mad she made you admit something you didn’t want to admit,” Ren said.

“Yeah, exactly, but that doesn’t make it any less bizarre!”

The tension was rising, and Rey interjected to derail them.

“I know how to twirl a baton.” They stilled, staring at her and her nonsensical statement. “I learned how to handle a bowstaff from my classes as a girl twirling baton. I can throw it in the air, on fire, and catch it again.”

“I can cook spaghetti,” Finn said, his voice happy to be included. “I can cook probably the best meals you’ve ever tasted.”

“What can you do?” Rey turned to Poe.

“I can uh… shove you all into trash cans,” Poe said, laughing a bit.

“I want to know what Hux can do,” Ren said. The group paused, eager.

“I can’t do anything,” Hux said, shaking his head.

“Come on now. Everyone can do something,” Ren said in his best imitation of the First Order guidance counselors. That very slogan was plastered on posters advertising the stormtroopers’ club activities. Hux paused, a smile playing on his lips.

“Well… there’s this one thing.”

“Let’s see it!” Rey said excitedly. She folded her legs under herself, anticipating the trick Hux would pull.

“Alright, but you have to promise not to laugh.” Hux stared at Ren until he made a false salute in promise. After that, Hux rummaged in his bag for a small packet of sugar and swizzle sticks, like a coffee emergency kit. He took out one swizzle stick, and gently shoved it into his mouth. For a few minutes, he appeared to be chewing it, nothing special. But then he stuck his tongue out, revealing that he had tied the little red straw into a series of tight little knots, all in under the time it would take to do it by hand.

The students applauded and cheered at the trick. Hux smiled, his eyes downcast as if he were secretly pleased that everyone thought this talent as interesting as he did.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” Poe asked.

“Camp, seventh grade,” Hux answered, almost shyly. But then he turned. Kylo Ren was still applauding even after the others had stopped, a slow clap of sarcastic impression.

“That was great, Hux,” Kylo mocked, his words slow and cruel. “My image of you is totally blown.”

“You’re a shit,” Rey bit out, looking close to tears on Hux’s behalf as he swiped his mouth with shaky fingertips. “Don’t do that to him. You said you wouldn’t laugh.”

“Am I laughing?” Ren asked.

“You fucking prick,” Poe snapped.

“What do you care? I’m pathetic, remember? A loser. I might as well not even exist.” Ren replied, throwing Poe’s words back at him from earlier in the day. His voice was steady, left no room for a reply. Poe sucked his teeth and looked away. Ren turned his attention back to Hux. “And you. You don’t even like me, remember?”

“Stop,” Hux said. “I have just as many feelings as you, and I don’t care to be insulted any further.”

“Don’t you dare compare yourself to me, little prince,” Ren barked. “You think you can just avoid this conversation, because of your feelings? You were born with everything, while I was born with nothing! You hear me? I bet you that nobody in your life ever mocks you, ever talks back to you. Is that right? Even your parents-”

“Shut up,” Hux whispered.

“-even your parents don’t have the guts to tell you how it really is. They throw money at you and you expect us to feel sorry for you. You can’t compare our lives because you know nothing except your cold, military father and your poor, drunk mother-”

“Shut up!” Hux shouted, his lip quivering. He grit his teeth against the tears, against the steady onslaught of Ren’s words.

“You have no idea about the real world. So go cry to your daddy, huh? Don’t cry here.”

“I hate you,” Hux whispered in earnest.

“Yeah? Good!” Ren shot back.

In the quiet afterwards, they realized that Hux actually was swiping away tears of frustration. The students looked away, said nothing of it. Hux hung his head, his breath sharp.

“Is this what we have to look forward to?” Finn asked quietly. “This fighting? When we grow up?”

“It’s inevitable,” Rey whispered, her lips shaking as she looked to each of the students in turn. Her eyes rested on Kylo Ren last of all. “When you grow up, your heart dies.”

“Who cares?” Kylo asked, forced disinterest lacing his voice.

“I care,” Rey whispered, smiling through tears. Ren stared at her, then at Finn, and Poe, and finally at Hux who was sighing to himself while leaning against the pillar across from him.

“It just happens, with pressures put on you,” Hux said with a sniffle. “You grow up, have more responsibility. It’s life.”

“We have pressure on us now, though, and we’re not bad people-”

“You have no idea what kind of pressure I’m talking about,” Hux said immediately, cutting off Finn’s attempt at positivity. The kid stared at the redhead, amazed.

“You think I don’t understand pressure Hux? Is that right?” Finn’s lower lip trembled. “Well fuck you!” The students flinched, Rey and Poe both leaning slightly more towards Finn as he pulled up his forearm to hide his tears from the group. He regained some calm, holding his arm up like that, as if it blocked the group from seeing him anymore. His breathed slowed slightly. “Do you know why I’m here today?” Nobody said anything. Finn took a ragged breath. “I tried to run away. Just run off and go home, because I couldn’t shoot. After seeing what happened to Don,” the kid that Poe had dislocated the shoulder of, “and how harsh they were on his recovery… I couldn’t shoot. There’s so much pressure to do everything right, as a stormtrooper. You don’t think for yourself, you output until you’re useless. And when you’re useless, there’s no chance of anyone ever loving you.”

“So you wanted to run,” Rey whispered.

“There’s nothing good that could come from desertion-” Hux started to say, but Finn cut him short.

“Yeah well, I didn’t do it,” Finn said. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Did you try?” Poe asked.

“I did, but I … fell.”

“You fell?” Kylo asked, not understanding.

“Down into the um... the garbage chute, by accident,” Finn finished lamely. The group stayed quiet for a moment. Poe struggled, but couldn’t keep a straight face.

“The garbage chute?” he asked, dissolving into giggles. Finn smiled a bit, despite himself, tried to wipe his face clean.

“It’s not funny, Poe.”

Poe lost it at this. He couldn’t stop. He was holding his side, practically hiccuping as he sucked in desperate breaths between giggles. That got the group rolling in laughter. Finn closed his eyes, chuckling to himself at the absurdity of it. Even Hux was clutching his abdomen with mirth, glancing at Kylo when his laughter slowed only to have it build back up again. It took real effort to fall down a garbage chute; they were waist-high and usually roped off with several safety precautions. In the wake of their giggles, Rey piped up once more.

“Do you want to know what I did to get in here?” They waited, anticipating another potential lie, but Rey grinned broadly. “Nothing. I just didn’t have anything better to do.”

The laughter began again, desperate and aching and wonderful, until Finn got up to put on a record for them to unleash their energy to.

~~~

It was almost time for the day to end when Kylo Ren crept back through the air ducts above the school to lower himself into the closet, awaiting the principal to come back and ‘free him’ from his solitary confinement. He was spacing out, relaxing on a pile of mops and boxes of paper towels, when he heard the doorknob turn. He stared at Hux as he slipped into the tiny closet space, incredulous and gloating. Hux closed the door softly behind himself and knelt in front of Ren with a tentative smile.

“Are you lost?” Ren drawled. Hux laughed, drew nearer.

“I’ve seen you around, you know,” Hux said quietly. Ren turned away, looking like a man sitting on a throne of garbage as Hux spoke. “You hang out with some other outcasts. They dress like you.”

“So observant, General,” Ren quipped. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore, hoped he made that clear with how he wasn’t looking back at the redhead. He froze when he caught a whiff of hairspray and light cologne. Hux leaned forward, closing the space between the two of them, and pressed his lips against the steady pulse of life in Kylo’s neck. He held there for a moment, a single moment of perfection, and then pulled back gradually until he could look at Ren again. Ren turned, eyes wide. “Why did you do that?”

“Because,” Hux chuckled, one of his eyebrows quirked up. “I knew you wouldn’t.” Ren moved forward, a hand raised hesitantly as if he hoped to cup Hux’s cheek, and Hux would have let him had he not had more to say. “Be honest. Were you really disgusted by the thing I did with the straw?”

“Truth?” Ren asked, staring at the redhead.

“Truth.”

Ren nodded, momentarily enjoying the tiny pinprick of regret that traced itself over the lines in Hux’s face.

“No,” Ren smirked. Hux let out a relieved exhale, then seemed to want to take the noise back. He couldn’t, and Ren reminded him by bringing his thumb up to smooth across the corner of Hux’s lips. “About your parents.”

“What about them?” Hux asked, wary.

“Are they particularly fond of your predilection for men?”

“They see it as a way for me to get back at them,” Hux scoffed.

“Mmm. And wouldn’t I be outstanding in that capacity?” Ren asked, his mouth twitching into a smile. He felt Hux’s lips turn up under his thumb in agreement.

~~~

The speeders that lined up outside to pick them up seemed to be sapped of the original energy with which they dropped off the students at the beginning of the day. Outside in the cool crisp afternoon, the sun was already starting to change the color of the sky to a deep orange, the clouds on the horizon contrasting a beautiful indigo. Ren walked Hux to his speeder, noticed that the other three were trading phone numbers on the backs of their hands on the steps to the school. He smiled, and Hux turned around to say goodbye.

Ren didn’t allow him any words. He slid his hands onto the redhead’s waist, and Hux responded by pressing his own fingers to the red scarf around Kylo’s neck. He tangled his fingers in the crimson fabric and dragged Ren’s lips to meet his own in a goodbye kiss. Ren felt himself pressing gently into Hux’s hips, backing him up against the metal vehicle where one of Hux’s parents waited and watched the spectacle, helpless; the thought pleased Ren immensely. Hux seemed to sense that, and he broke off the kiss with a reluctant head turn. Ren was left nuzzling the air beside Hux’s earlobe, the scent of his own aftershave mingling with Hux’s light cologne.

“Here,” Hux took one of the crystal bars from his blouse pocket, unpinning it with one hand snaking underneath of his shirt through his collar. Ren felt weak at the sight. Hux brought Ren’s hand up, held it in his own smooth leather fingers, and folded the crystal bar pin into Ren’s fist. Ren went to kiss him again, so beautiful was his red hair against the waning light of the sun and so tender the gesture, but Hux was too fast. With a grin, he’d turned out of Ren’s arms and was sliding into the passenger seat of the speeder.

As it took off -the person in the front seat not even waiting for Hux to buckle his seatbelt- Ren stared after him in a daze. He heard the trio behind him laughing and talking, and it brought him back to reality. He took the crystal pin, the one that symbolized Hux’s rank in the student council, and pinned it to his scarf to hold it in place. He glanced behind him to see if the three had noticed, but they hadn’t, so he walked off towards the football field alone.

Back in the library, where they had all bared themselves and found catharsis, there was a single piece of paper. Finn had written it, happily so, for all of them. It was as if he had been glad to be a part of the team, glad to feel useful. It read thusly:

“Dear Principal Vernox: we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a grunt, and an athlete, and a nobody, a prince, and a delinquent. Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the First Order Breakfast Club.”

The students scattered, but remained whole in that letter and in that one Saturday. They could all feel it, didn’t need to be force sensitive to know they were all infinitely connected from there on out. They would not forget. As Ren made his way back towards home, his trench coat dragging the coarse green of the turf on the First Order field, the emotions from the day overwhelmed him. He took his hand from where he had been fingering the pin on his scarf and punched the air in triumph.