Archive of Our Own

It began as the end always began for Jason Peter Todd.

He was happy.

That was the story of his life.

He was happy that he had his mother and boom, he was dead.

He was happy that he was finally part of the family again and then the next misfortune happened.

You had to give fate credit for not killing Jason this time.

The way John Constantine was staring at him, death might have been the better option.

“What have you done?” he asked, stunned.

Jason stared at the monster at his feet.

The monster was a Night Eel. It had been prowling around Gotham and Batman had not only called in a favor from Constantine, but had also asked Jason to keep an eye on Constantine. After all, he was the only one of the Bats who had magic. Well, now we could talk in the past tense. The only one of the Bats who had magic.

“I fixed the problem.”

Jason knew that wasn't what John meant. He knew exactly what the mage meant. But the conversation was pointless and Jason had no intention of getting involved.

He turned to leave, but John yanked him around by the shoulder.

“The All-Blades are charged by the soul of the bearer and mate, I've got bad news for you, they just burned your last bit of soul.”

John was almost screaming and spittle was flying out of his mouth. He smelled of cigarettes, whiskey and an aftershave that reeked of mushrooms.

Jason should have found it repulsive, but instead he was confused.

"I didn't miss that. Why are you telling me this?"

John backed away as if he'd been burned.

Jason would have liked to laugh at how stunned he looked. He, Jason Todd, had actually managed to rob John fucking Constantine of his speech. If he still had his soul, Jason would have taken a picture of it and sent it to everyone in the Justice League. But since he no longer had his soul, he couldn't care less.

“You really are a soulless bastard,” Constantine grinned wryly and almost panicked, “And if I tell your father, he'll kill me... okay, maybe he won't kill me, but it won't be pretty.”

Jason shrugged, “I won't tell him if you don't tell him.”

The mage froze and frowned.

“Why would you do that?”

“Maybe I don't want Batman nipping at my heels every second of the rest of my life, trying to save something that can't be saved.”

And with that, John was content.

Because John still had his soul, but he was even more heartless than Jason was. But even a heartless asshole like John Constantine knew something that Batman could never accept: No one could save a depleted soul.

Especially not because Jason didn't want to be safed.

He didn't feel like he was missing anything.

Jason was pretty sure that his family would see it differently. So it would be better for everyone involved if they never found out.

That could be difficult, but Jason was very motivated.

In the beginning, he had planned to simply disappear from the scene.

He discarded the idea after just one day. He hadn't contacted his family for a whole twenty-four hours and Dick was already calling.

When he pushed the call away, he had an uninvited guest in the house that very evening.

That wasn't good, but then Jason had to pretend he still had feelings.

Annoying, but far better than the alternative. If Dick suspected something was wrong, Jason wouldn't have a moment's peace until the so-called “Batfamily” had his soul back. And since that would never happen, Jason would never have a moment's peace in his entire life.

When you looked at it that way, it was really hardly an effort to pretend you were still intact.

“I miss a phone call and here you are?” he asked incredulously.

Dick shrugged, “I didn't see you on patrol either and you never reported back how things turned out with Constantine.”

“Didn't Constantine talk to you?” he frowned.

Dick raised his right eyebrow challengingly: "It's Constantine. What do you think?"

Jason sighed and turned to his kitchen.

"Of course he's buggered off and left the report to me. And that makes him wonder why he doesn't have any friends. Do you want something to eat?"

Dick jumped excitedly after him.

“I love your food!”

That was probably a yes. Jason wondered why his brothers found it so difficult to give direct answers. The answer came to him immediately: they had all been raised by Batman, Mr. Mysterious.

“I'm surprised Bruce hasn't called about the report by now.”

“I've convinced him that he needs to exercise more patience.”

And that explained everything.

Jason cracked eggs into a bowl and thought about it for a moment, but then spoke his mind.

“You should stop doing that.”

Dick said nothing for a moment, and when he finally answered, his voice was deliberately emotionless and cautious.

“With what?”

“Educating him.”

Jason turned and looked at his brother as he whisked the eggs in a bowl in his hand.

"Bruce is a grown man and it shouldn't be your job to teach him how to not be an asshole and be a good father. You have your own problems, Dick. It's not fair for Bruce to lean on you so heavily."

Dick's expression had grown colder and colder. Jason couldn't tell how he felt, but he didn't care. He turned back to firing up the pan and seasoning the eggs.

“We're a family,” Dick almost whispered, “Isn't it normal to help each other?”

Jason shrugged his shoulders: "Yes. But if he still hasn't learned after all the time you've been helping him, then he doesn't deserve any more help. Not to mention that he doesn't show any gratitude either, does he?"

Jason didn't look over his shoulder to see what his words accomplished. He wasn't trying to achieve anything either. He was just being honest, and whether Dick was angry or hurt about it, he couldn't care less.

Jason finished the omelette on a plate and put a carrot crown on top.

He turned around and set the plate down in front of Dick along with a fork.

Dick stared at him as if he had reinvented the wheel.

Jason forced a smile that he hoped looked sincere.

"I'm not good at showing my gratitude either. So thank you, Dick. Thanks for being such a good big brother and keeping our family going."

Dick opened his mouth several times and then closed it again without saying anything.

“Eat now,” Jason said, “or the food will get cold.”

A life without a soul is not bad.

It takes away sadness, worry and anger.

It also takes away the joy, interest and love.

Jason is pretty sure that most people would be confused as to why he continued to live his life unchanged if all his emotions were gone.

But it was quite simple.

People are creatures of habit and his body and everyday life had not yet realized that something had fundamentally changed.

What's more, Jason still hadn't decided what to do and how best to hide it from his family.

So Jason continued to patrol, and although he stayed away from the Bats, he did reply to messages.

Maybe he was a little more distant than before, but if his family noticed, they either didn't think it was serious, or they blamed it on a bad day.

So he was all the more confused when someone approached him about it. Someone he had never even dreamed of.

Mrs. Cook, the fortune teller from Crime Alley.

He hadn't had much to do with her, but when he saved her from a robbery that night, she stopped him with her walking stick in front of his chest.

“Come for a cup of tea, my boy, so I can thank you proberly.”

Jason didn't dare refuse. She had that twinkle in her eye that spoke of stubbornness and determination.

He followed her into the small store, where the kettle was already boiling and tarot cards were still lying on the table.

He took off his helmet while she served the tea.

It smelled of lavender and sage and Jason just wanted to get out into the fresh air.

Mrs. Cook stared into his eyes as if she could see them behind the domino mask.

“It may not seem like it, but losing your soul is a great loss.”

When you had the phone numbers of mages, Kryptonians and Amazons, you stopped questioning where people got their information. In fact, it was very likely that Crime Alley had picked a real fortune teller and not an impostor.

“But that can't be helped,” he replied and decided not to drink the tea after all.

He was just going to be rude. She would survive.

The lady laughed: "My boy, everything can be changed. As long as you pay the right price."

Jason was sure he didn't even want to know the price. Why should he? He was doing quite well without a soul.

“Thanks for the tea,” he simply replied and stood up.

“Why don't you take a fortune cookie for the road,” the woman simply replied and Jason had the feeling that she was laughing at a secret joke.

He took one of the wrapped cookies that were by the door and went home.

Jason opened the cookie when he got home and ate it before reading the text.

It was written in big, ugly, bold letters:

“Drink lots of tea, for it keeps the soul warm.”

If he still had his soul, he might have laughed at that. Instead, he went to bed.

The note went into his current book as a bookmark.

Jason didn't know why he had dialed the number.

Although, that wasn't true. He already knew.

Whenever he was stuck in his life, couldn't see what the next step was, he called Roy. These calls were usually accompanied by a strange mixture of despair and hope.

Jason didn't feel the emotions, but he was sure that Roy could help him. Simply because Roy always helped.

Roy picked up after the second ring.

“Jay!” he yelled excitedly into the receiver, “What gives me the honor?”

In the past, Jason would have felt guilty for only getting in touch when he had a problem. Now Jason didn't care. He also knew that Roy would prefer it a thousand times if he called with a problem instead of tackling it alone.

How was he supposed to explain the soul thing without Roy worrying and calling every mage on his contact list?

“Jay?” asked Roy more worriedly, “Is it Bruce again?”

“No.”

"Okay. Is it the rest of the family?"

“No.”

“Gotham?”

“No. Can I think for a second?”

Jason didn't find the guessing game useful. Roy would never guess what was wrong.

"Of course. Whatever you need."

Roy didn't hang up. He stayed on the phone.

“This is going to sound wrong, so you have to let me finish, all right?”

Roy didn't hesitate for a second: “Of course.”

Jason took a deep breath and tried to explain his problem in such a way that it was true and Roy could help, but at the same time would not go into the mother-hen-mode.

"It all seems meaningless. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy with myself. I don't want to die or anything. It's not depression. I just mean that I ask myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. Red Hood, Jason Todd, Jason Wayne. All these tasks and contacts don't seem worth the work to me. That's why I thought about what I should do instead and realized that there's nothing worth the work either. So I'm wondering what to do now, when everything is meaningless, but I don't want to die."

Roy whistled to show that he had listened.

“Roy,” Jason pleaded, “please tell me what to do.”

Roy didn't laugh.

"That sounds like a nasty thing you're going through. Can you tell me why it was worth the work to ask me?"

Jason thought for a moment.

"You always know what to do. You always help me. Even if it feels meaningless, I know you will and can help me."

Roy's voice was warm as he replied, "Is there a cause for your emotional state? Something you could fight?"

"Maybe. But it seems like a really bad idea."

Roy proved what a great friend he was by not asking.

"How about we take a vacation. Just the two of us. If you want to live, but your obligations are overwhelming you, then maybe you should live. Just a few weeks where you can just be yourself and think about who this is and what you want to do now. And of course time with me, your best friend."

Jason let it run through his head. The idea sounded neither tempting nor repulsive. In the end, however, there was one crucial point: he had no better idea.

“All right!”

Roy cheered into the receiver.

Jason allowed himself a smile out of habit, if not emotion.

"Your best bet is to go to Star City and then we can plan the rest of the vacation from here. If you feel like it, we can even blow off a little steam in the Friends with Benefits way. Or we can play mini golf in the dark. I hear that's a thing now."

Jason listened to all the ideas for another twenty minutes. It was almost relaxing the way Roy rounded off important things like sex with trivial hobbies. How he suggested going to church and then switched to a strip club. Roy didn't judge and Jason toyed with the idea of telling him the truth about his condition.

After all, they would be spending a lot of time together soon and Roy wasn't stupid.

Roy would figure it out on his own.

Roy saw it immediately.

As soon as Roy opened the door, his eyes narrowed as he looked Jason up and down.

“Hi.”

“Jay,” Roy grinned and pulled him into a hug.

Jason knew Roy didn't understand what was bothering him. But Jason also knew that Roy realized that something had fundamentally changed.

He let himself be maneuvered onto the sofa and was handed a coffee.

The coffee was so sweet it was almost sickening. It was just the way Jason loved it. Roy had even put caramel syrup in it.

“It's good to see you.” Roy smiled and meant it sincerely.

“Agreed,” Jason returned the smile, but couldn't mean it sincerely.

Roy's smile faded.

Jason had forgotten how good Roy had gotten at recognizing his bullshit and lies.

“You want to tell me what's going on Jay or do I have to do something I really don't want to do.”

“Like what?”

“Call Batman.”

Jason was taken aback and showed it. He didn't feel the emotion anymore, but he never in a million years would have expected Roy to go this far. It almost bordered on betrayal. It was as if Jason was threatening to call Green Arrow.

There was a twinkle in Roy's eye.

“There must be something really wrong if you don't kick my ass for that threat.”

“If you want me to spank you, all you have to do is ask nicely.”

The joke wasn't funny and it wouldn't have been if he still had his soul.

It was passable as flirting, but this wasn't an atmosphere in which to flirt.

“So you're still an asshole,” Roy smiled slightly, "That's good. But that's still bad, Jay. When you called, I thought you were just having a burnout. But it's not that, is it?"

Jason could only look at his friend.

“Say something, please,” Roy almost pleaded.

“If I tell, you might call Batman or Dick.”

Roy winced and looked guiltily to the side, "I'm sorry about the test, but it was just that. A test. I might call Starfire and only if it's bad, but that would be it. I promise. You mean too much to me to ever betray you."

That was why Jason was here. He knew Roy loved him. Sometimes he even wondered how much Roy loved him, but there was no question that the love was there.

Jason thought about the fact that he had loved Roy too. Maybe even a little bit too much.

Jason nodded.

"All right. I'll tell you. But please don't worry Roy. It might sound bad, but it's not that bad."

Roy frowned, “Are we talking a ‘I've had worse, it's not that bad’ or a ‘it wouldn't be that bad for anyone and it's really harmless’.”

Jason shrugged, “The latter, but I have a feeling you're going to make a big deal out of it.”

Humor briefly wandered into Roy's face. "You know me, Jay. I'm a down-to-earth guy. At most, one rocket for my birthday."

“You could still see the fireworks two states away.”

Roy grinned: “But it was just one rocket.”

Silence returned. Jason put down his empty cup and Roy followed suit with his full one.

Roy leaned forward tensely and Jason leaned back.

“I lost my soul.”

Roy went up in the air the same way the rocket went up at his last birthday party.

Jason only half-listened while Roy shouted.

To summarize what was said: You're a brainwashed idiot and I love you because otherwise I wouldn't be worried. I warned you to lay off the swords. How the hell could you let it get this far? I'm scared for you.

In the end, Roy slumped back in his chair, drained of energy.

Jason raised an eyebrow, “I told you you were going to make a big deal out of this.”

Roy looked like he would love to hit him. Preferably right in Jason's face.

“Because it's a big deal, and if you still had your soul, you'd know that too.”

Jason shrugged, "But since I burned it, I don't really care. Everything doesn't matter. But that's not a bad thing, because I'm far from angry about it. I still know that killing, stealing and all the crimes are evil. I'm not going over to the dark side now."

Roy's eyes sparkled.

“Do you really think that's what I'm about?”

Jason thought for a moment and then nodded.

"It's about you, Jay. It can't be good for people to lose their souls. It exists for a reason, doesn't it?"

“It takes care of the emotions,” Jason replied, "I can live without emotions. I'm just having trouble figuring out what to do because all the options are equally insignificant to me."

Roy played with his rings, as he always did when he was pondering a problem.

Finally, he sighed.

"Let's go to bed, Jay. I'm tired and it's not like your condition is going to get any worse. Tomorrow your soul will still be gone."

Jason jumped up, “I can find a hotel room.”

“Don't be stupid,” Roy waved it off, “you'll get the coach.”

So Roy loved Jason enough to want him with him, but not enough to share the bed. That was a good balance. Better than Jason had assumed.

“Thanks, Roy.”

Roy turned once more in the doorway and smiled.

"We'll find a solution, Jay. We always do."

Jason didn't doubt it. The only question was whether they would both be happy with the solution.

As usual, Jason woke up earlier than his late riser friend. That gave him enough time to conjure up a proper breakfast on the table.

Alfred would be proud.

Of the breakfast. Not of the fact that Jason had burned his soul.

No, Alfred wouldn't like that. But Alfred was old. Maybe he'd die before he found out.

Jason frowned. The thought sounded harsh, and a Jason with a soul would surely have punched him in the face right now until he could no longer speak.

Even though not having a soul wasn't a bad thing, Jason had to admit that he was different now. Acting and thinking differently.

When was the last time he had voluntarily taken a break from Red Hood? Jason couldn't remember there ever being anything like it. At least not for long.

Roy stumbled into the room, half awake.

Jason slid him a cup of coffee and got a kiss on the cheek in return.

“My lifesaver,” Roy sighed, sipping away the drink as if it wasn't hot.

“I've actually saved your life several times, but I hardly get the same attention for it.”

Roy shrugged his shoulders. "In our line of work, it's normal to save each other's lives. But none of the Titans have ever made me coffee."

Jason had to admit it was a fair point. It wasn't until he served the eggs that he realized he should have laughed at the joke.

Roy looked at him as if he were a ghost.

Apparently he was awake enough to remember the last day.

Jason didn't want to talk about it, though, for the same reasons he hadn't told Batman about his condition. Too much work for nothing.

He put on a smile. His muscles still knew what to do when he wanted to flirt.

"Eat your breakfast, Roy. And when you're done with that, you can have dessert."

Jason waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

On a really good day, Roy would have left breakfast and eaten Jason on the kitchen floor.

On a bad day, Roy would have refused and ordered a tiramisu from the Italian place around the corner instead.

Now, though, Roy just looked at him like he was looking at something really disgusting. Like ectoplasm on his favorite shoes, for example.

Roy had never looked at him like that before and Jason was sure he wouldn't forget that face. Even without a soul, it was a terrifying sight.

“We're not sleeping together until this is sorted out.”

“Because I don't have a soul?” Jason asked incredulously, “You don't need a soul to fuck.”

Roy's eyes darkened, as they only did when he was really angry.

“I'm sorry, Jason Peter Todd, but I prefer my partners to feel something for me when we're going at it like rabbits.”

Jason laughed: “You make it sound like we're a couple.”

Roy threw his hands up in the air, "It's called Friends with Benefits because you do it with friends. Friends like and love each other. You don't seem to love me right now. You're just trying to distract me!"

Jason thought about all the times he'd almost asked Roy if they shouldn't try a relationship. He was pretty sure Roy had thought about it too. But they were both cowards and loved their cities. There wasn't much difference between a long-distance relationship and what they had.

Jason felt no anger and no love.

But just as his muscles were still functioning and reverberating emotions, his brain knew he had just been exceedingly cruel.

"I am sorry. That was inappropriate of me. It won't happen again and I accept your decision."

Roy slumped in his chair. All the energy drained out of him.

He looked up hopelessly.

"What have you done to yourself, Jay? What have you done?"

Jason didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything.

Roy didn't seem to want an answer either, because he retreated to the bathroom and soon Jason heard the shower running.

And as so often in his life, trouble came to Jason Peter Todd twice.

His cell phone rang and the caller was Batman.

Jason sighed. More out of habit than that he really meant it.

His relationship with Bruce had gotten better over the years, so it was possible that he would realize something was wrong. But Jason wouldn't be surprised if Bruce missed it either. After all, Jason was a really good liar and Bruce was always worried about saying something wrong in his presence.

It would only get worse if he didn't answer it now.

“What do you want?” he asked instead of a greeting.

Bruce was speechless. Just as he always was when Jason was angry with him for some reason.

“Have you finished the report?” he asked, almost anxiously.

“Constantine's taking care of it,” Jason lied without hesitation.

“He isn't,” Bruce wasn't exactly slow with his reply either.

"Then bug him about it and not me. It's not my fault if he's a lazy asshole."

“He's not my son,” Bruce contradicted.

I'm not either.

Jason just barely stifled it. The thought seemed right, even if it had filled him with pain earlier. Now he knew that Bruce would be hit harder. That couldn't happen. If Bruce was hurt, he would immediately go over to Batman and check and watch everything. Micromanaging was the last thing Jason needed.

"I think that precisely because I'm your son, you should give me preferential treatment. Since you don't care what Constantine thinks of you, you can just go ahead and piss him off."

Take that, Bruce! Perfect logic.

Silence.

Was he still on?

“Is everything okay, Jason?”

Where had Jason fucked up and how could he save himself?

He had an idea and it was a manipulative idea, but it might work.

He sighed, "Yeah, sorry Dad. I'm on vacation with Roy right now and he's probably rubbed off on me. You know how he can rant about Oliver."

Jason hadn't played the Dad-card and the Roy-is-a-bad-influence card in a long time, but they still worked like oiled machines. Especially when you combined them.

"Then I'd better not disturb you in your free time. Tell Roy not to push Oliver so hard. He tried his best."

Jason laughed, "That wasn't enough for a long time. If you want to defend Oliver, you'll have to come up with a better argument."

With that, he hung up. Jason ended almost every conversation with Bruce by hanging up without any final words.

It gave him a sense of power and control that always helped with Bruce. His father always had to hold the reins and it was nice to turn the tables.

Usually.

This time, the gloating he usually felt was missing.

Roy looked more relaxed. He always looked more relaxed after a shower.

He sighed and sat down next to Jason on the couch and took his hands in his.

"Jay, I love you and you're my friend. Do you believe me?"

"I don't just believe it, I know it. It's facts like the color of the sky," Jason answered honestly. He wondered what Roy was getting at. Roy liked to digress in his explanations, but that was because he was thinking around five corners. He was usually more direct in such serious conversations.

"That's good. Do you also know that you're compromised and can't make the best decisions for yourself right now?"

Jasons shook his head, "I can make good decisions. I came to you."

Roy smiled and it looked unforced for the First time today.

"That's true. And you did that to make me decide for you. Because you know I can decide for the Jason with a soul better than you can right now."

Jason frowned, but it was true. Roy knew his emotions better than he did right now because he didn't feel them anymore. He could only recall how he had once felt. Considering that all Bats suppressed and didn't acknowledge their emotions, those memories were only a weak support.

“You're right,” he conceded to Roy.

Roy nodded with satisfaction. "That's good. Now believe me when I tell you that we'll have to notify all possible mages until we get your soul back. Because you need it, even if you don't feel that way right now."

“I'm not feeling anything at all,” Jason simply replied.

Roy nodded again: "Yes. But that only means you're listening to logic. So will you listen to my logic and allow me to help you?"

Jason sighed, "If you really want to get your hopes up. But don't blame me in the end when the experts tell you what I already know: there's no way to get a soul back. It's gone and it's not coming back. It would be better for you if you could accept that right now."

Roy's look was steely.

"Never. I'll never give up on you."

The first call was going out to Zatanna.

It was always Zatanna when it came to magic. Because not only was she a good sorceress, she usually didn't ask for anything in return for a good deed.

Zatanna didn't answer her phone, but Raven did.

"Sorry, Zatanna can't come to the phone right now and to be honest, neither can I. Why am I answering the phone?"

“Because you're a good friend and I need help?” Roy asked hopefully.

Raven paused for a moment, "Is it life-threatening? Because Zatanna and I have our hands full here right now. Magically charged house-sized leeches are trying to devour Altair's Wizarding House of Blue Magic and I really wish that was an excuse."

Roy could only blink in disbelief.

Jason took the cell phone and answered in his place, "It can wait. Good luck with the leeches."

Raven hung up after ‘good luck’.

“What was that?” Roy wanted to know.

Jason grinned at him, “Lots of fun we're missing right now.”

Roy shook himself. “You've got to be joking.”

“Yep,” Jason laughed, “I'm still a joker, even without a soul.”

Roy's gaze hardened. “Your jokes weren't funny even before that.”

Jason put his hands to his heart in offense and pretended he'd been shot.

He didn't care, but if he acted like the old Jason, Roy might back away from his shitty idea.

As if to prove him wrong, Roy dialed the next number.

Jason Blood answered the phone after the fifth ring.

"You still owe me a favor, Arsenal. So be careful what you say now."

Roy sighed: "I need information on the human soul. In particular, how to get it back if you - hypothetically speaking - accidentally burned it."

Silence.

Then: “How hypothetically are we talking about here?”

“You don't want to know.”

Blood sighed: "Soul magic is very rare, very stupid and very complicated. I would recommend not using it because it literally burns your soul."

“Let's assume that in our hypothetical scenario that point has already been passed.”

Blood laughed: "Then I can't help you. I don't do that kind of magic. I already have a demon problem, I don't need a soul problem on top of that."

Roy's face fell.

“You wouldn't happen to know who might be familiar with it?”

"Aside from the hypothetical person who burned their soul? No."

Roy pondered, “How about Doctor Fate?”

“Possibly,” Blood admitted, “But he'd probably try to kill the soulless person because it's against the natural order.”

Roy grimaced and Jason brushed his finger across his throat to show what he thought of the idea.

"Thanks anyway, Blood. I still owe you one."

 “Not if you don't tell Batman that I knew about this.”

Jason hinted that he had shot Roy. Now they had one more person who knew about it and could tell Batman.

“I'll be careful not to tell Batman about this,” Roy promised both Jason Blood and Jason Todd.

“Better be.”

The call ended.

“Shazam,” Roy suggested.

Jason shook his head, “The guy can't keep anything to himself and is too intimidated by Batman.”

Roy dropped the phone despondently.

"That's all my contacts then. Can't you ask your masters who taught you the All-Blades?"

“No,” Jason replied and left it at that. Roy didn't need to know about his time with the All Caste.

Roy rubbed his nostril, which was a sure sign that he was nervous.

“There's one more option then,” he muttered.

“We don't let Batman know,” Jason replied immediately.

“No,” Roy agreed, grimacing, “Much worse: we call John Constantine.”

The bastard didn't answer his phone.

“This is Constantine, and if I owe you anything, please contact someone else who wants to hear you whine.”

Roy was not discouraged. He left a message.

"Hey, Constantine. This is Arsenal, and I'm sure you won't be surprised, but I want Hood's soul back. If you don't get back to me in twenty-four hours, I'll tell Batman that it's your fault his son lost his soul. I'm sure he'll be better able to get you to help."

That was the end of the message and Jason sighed.

"I hope you're just bluffing. We had a deal, Harper."

“Have faith,” Roy was visibly annoyed.

Jason laughed, "You try having faith without a soul. It's harder than it looks."

Roy threw a pillow at him.

Jason caught it.

“Constantine has been rumored to have sold his soul several times,” Roy informed him, “If anyone knows about souls, it's him.”

“He didn't say anything about it when I burned it,” Jason contradicted, “He was just horrified.”

Roy shrugged, “He's got twenty-four hours to come forward, which means he'll put it off until the last minute.”

Jason nodded. That sounded like Something the asshole would do.

Roy smiled, but it seemed fake. "That means, Jay, that we have twenty-four hours, too. What do you want to do?"

"That brings us back to the beginning. I don't know because nothing seems to matter. That's why I'm here in the first place."

Roy didn't let up: "There must be something that's bothering you. You can still think, Jay. It's just that your emotions are gone."

Jason slumped back into the back of the sofa and thought.

"Dick hasn't been in touch with me. He usually checks in every day. Maybe he didn't like what I said to him."

Roy frowned. “Did you talk to him before or after the incident.”

“After.”

Roy screwed up his face, “Do I even want to know what you said?”

“It wasn't as cruel as what I said to you this morning.”

“That's not exactly setting the bar high.”

Jason thought about his words and decided they had only been honest.

"I just told him not to keep letting Bruce take advantage of him. I meant that if Bruce wanted to change, he would have done it by now and it's not fair for Dick to do all the work. I also told him that he's a good big brother."

Roy had gone paler and paler.

“Was that wrong?” asked Jason, more than a little confused.

"You sound like a therapist and those were hard truths. You really have to be in the right mood to process that. Was Dick in the right mood?"

Jason just shrugged his shoulders. He had been more concerned about acting normal than looking after Dick.

Roy twitched his cell phone and motioned for Jason to be quiet.

The speaker was on and Jason heard the connection being made.

“Roy,” Dick's delighted voice rang out over the receiver, "This is a nice surprise. What can I do for you?"

“I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing,” Roy replied honestly, “I haven't been checking in with everyone as regularly lately and wanted to catch up.”

Dick sighed, “Hi, Jason.”

“Hi,” Jason replied.

"Roy. Please take me off speakerphone. We need to talk to you. Privately."

Roy left the room.

When he returned, he held the phone out to Jason.

Jason took it as if it were fire.

He didn't want to burn himself.

“Hi, Dick.”

“You're an asshole,” Dick replied without hesitation.

Jason didn't think that was fair. "That's correct, but do you feel that way for a reason? As far as I can remember, I've been nothing but honest with you lately."

"If you want to know how I'm doing, ask me directly and don't send Roy. What were you thinking?"

"It seemed like a good idea. You're more honest with Roy than you are with me. With him, you don't have to play the strong and unwavering big brother."

“I don't do that,” Dick said, and it sounded convincing, "I do it with the younger siblings, but not with you. You're on an equal footing with me, Jay. You've earned that because you're your own man. You're completely independent of everyone and anyone and I respect that. To be honest, it really hurts me that you categorize our relationship differently."

Jason thought about it. He'd never thought of it that way before and it sounded nice, but also wrong.

"Maybe I need a big brother to protect me, too. Don't I deserve that?"

“One doesn't exclude the other.”

That was probably true. Dick always put himself between Jason and danger, but he also trusted him when they had to split up on a mission. Robin or Red Robin were always sent a chaperone. Jason was allowed to act alone. He thought it was because no one wanted to work with him, but if Dick was telling the truth, it spoke more of confidence in his independence and abilities.

“How are you?” Jason asked, hoping Dick would accept the olive branch.

He heard the smile in Dick's voice: "I'm fine, Jason. Really well. I've taken several days off now. Not from the job and not from the night job, but from the family. I always thought it would fall apart if I didn't give it my all, but it's still standing. Apparently you can manage without me. At least for a while. I've already gotten a few messages that make it clear I can't disappear forever."

"I'm glad to hear that, Dick. I hope I wasn't too honest the last time we spoke."

Dick laughed, "I appreciate the honesty. Sometimes I feel like everyone's always lying to my face."

Jason wheeled around to Roy, but nothing in his body language indicated that he had told Dick anything.

“Some secrets are there to protect yourself,” Jason reminded him, “That has nothing to do with you.”

Dick said nothing more for a while, then very carefully, “Is there something I should know or that you want to tell me?”

“No,” Jason replied firmly, "Roy's taking care of everything. We don't need any help."

Dick sighed, "All right. But if that changes, then you've got my number."

“Yes,” Jason confirmed and hung up.

Roy took his phone back.

“I'll never call Dick for you again,” Roy grumbled, “I got to listen to a whole sermon.”

“You knew the danger.”

John Constantine came sauntering out of a portal into the living room exactly one minute before the deadline, looking like he'd had a night that mixed fighting and coitus.

In other words, he looked the same as ever.

And he looked at Jason like he wanted to murder him.

“I thought you knew you couldn't get your soul back.”

Jason just pointed at Roy, “Make him realize that.”

John sighed and took one of the already opened cans of beer without asking.

He drank all the rest while Roy wanted to complain about his manners but kept his mouth shut. Jason knew how hard that must be for him.

When John had finished, he clapped his hands and turned completely to Roy.

"Handsome, give it up. Your friend's soul is gone. And there's nothing I can do about it."

Roy shook his head, “You've sold your soul so many times and you still own it.”

John laughed: "Yes, exactly. Sold it. But your friend burned it. There's nothing left to get back."

Roy shook his head again: “There must be something!”

John's patience was hanging by a thread. It was all the more surprising how gentle his voice sounded. Almost compassionate. "Sorry, mate. If you had asked me before, I would have recommended keeping a small part of the soul safe. Then you could have implanted it now and it would have grown again. Very simple. But you didn't ask, and I doubt whoever taught your friend the swords thought of that safety measure."

Roy looked hopefully at Jason, but he shook his head.

Roy looked back at Constantine, his brain running at full speed.

“Is it possible that Hood could have accidentally lost parts of his soul somewhere, without his knowledge, where we could search and retrieve them now?”

John's eyebrow moved upwards, “What, like the soul was hair that could suddenly fall out?”

Roy shrugged, "What do I know? Hood's come back from the dead before. Nothing seems impossible anymore."

John froze. “And you're only saying that now?”

“Is that important?” Jason asked, confused. He honestly thought that everyone knew by now that he had died as Robin and been resurrected as Hood, even if people didn't know his real name.

John laughed: "No, not at all. It's not like you always leave part of your soul in the grave when you're resurrected."

“That's not common knowledge,” Jason growled.

Roy intervened: “Does that mean we can get Hood's soul back?”

John grinned: "Sure we can. It's easy."

Roy exhaled with relief: "Great. Let's go."

John grabbed his arm.

"I'm happy to do it, of course. For a small favor."

Jason laughed, although it wasn't funny. There was always a catch with John Constantine, but Roy wouldn't listen.

He tried not to think about whether he even wanted his soul back now that it was an option.

“We'll never talk about this again,” Roy threatened as he performed the “favor” for John.

Jason agreed. "Don't worry about it. I don't even want to think about it without a soul."

That was just disgusting and he really wondered if his soul hadn't been too small a price to pay for that kind of favor.

“Less bitching and more working,” John laughed, leaning back with a whiskey in his hand and watching them work.

Bastard.

Nevertheless, it took them less than five hours to finally stand in front of Jason's grave.

Roy had covered the headstone and everything around it with a cloth. As it was now, there was still a good chance that John could find out Hood's identity, but there was no need to make it any easier for the man.

“What now?” Roy asked, and the threat was clear. If Constantine didn't keep his end of the bargain now, the mage would die an agonizing death.

"Now your friend should lie on his grave and think about what it felt like to have a soul. This is the bait for his soul. As soon as it bites, I'll bind it with a spell and nature will do the rest."

“Sounds simple,” Jason was more than skeptical.

Constantine snorted: "Of course. All you have to do is think, not cast the spell. It's hard work and requires a lot of talent."

“Fishing for compliments?” Roy asked incredulously. With that ego, he couldn't possibly need any more validation.

Constantine batted his eyelashes exaggeratedly: "I don't usually get any. On the other hand, I hear a lot of curses."

“I wonder why that is?” Roy asked more than just spitefully.

Jason sighed and lay down on the ground.

He didn't know if he really needed a soul, but it couldn't be that bad.

After all, Jason remembered that there were other feelings besides all the pain, shame and anger.

The warmth when he saw Roy laugh.

The pride when Tim showed his genius.

The humor whenever Alfred unpacked his sarcasm.

The feeling of safety when Dick protected his back in battle.

It was all beautiful. And there was so much more.

John Constantine began to speak a strange language and magic flooded over Jason.

He screamed.

It felt like a hot hook was being driven into his spine and pulled.

Jason heard Roy scream something, but Constantine was louder.

The pain faded along with the magic and Constantine's voice.

He took a deep breath and beamed, feeling something for the first time in days.

Jason was himself again.

“There you go,” John Constantine grinned, “I want someone to copy that.”

He disappeared through a portal while Roy pulled Jason to his feet and then hugged him tightly.

“Good to have you back.”

Jason didn't want to break away from the hug, but there was something he needed to say.

He pulled away just enough to look Roy in the eye.

“I'm so insanely sorry for what I said.”

Roy grinned: "Forgiven and forgotten. The main thing is that you're back."

Jason shook his head, "No. Let me make it up to you. With a date?"

Roy raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“I think we owe it to ourselves to at least try,” Jason answered the unspoken question, "After all, we already feel quite strongly about each other. If it doesn't work out, we can always go back to status quo."

Roy smiled, "Sounds good. But did you really have to lose your soul just to realize that?"

Jason laughed out, “I'm a Bat, I'm surprised it didn't take more.”

And with that, he pulled Roy into a kiss.

The graveyard wasn't really an appropriate atmosphere, but it was still the best kiss ever because he had his soul back to enjoy it.