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Virginity is Eternal (For Him)
Centuries of scheming. Millennia of malevolence. But at the root of it all? A crushing, festering, soul-devouring sexual frustration. His younger brother Yoichi, the original bearer of One for All, tried everything.
"You need therapy, Zen," Yoichi had said once, gently, after catching his brother staring angrily at a couple holding hands.
"I need domination," Zen had whispered, staring into the void with dead eyes. “And validation. And maybe a goth girlfriend who won’t laugh when I call myself an alpha.”
Yoichi eventually created One for All with one purpose: to stop Zen from being a pathetic, angry virgin.
Alas, Zen found out Yoichi got laid first. His rage was apocalyptic. "You… YOU LOST YOUR V-CARD?! Before ME?!" And so, he crushed his brother’s spine with the same energy most incels used to post rage threads on r/ForeverAlone.
Shimura’d and Denied
Nana Shimura. A legend. A powerhouse. A woman who said “No thanks” to Zen’s unsolicited poetry DMs.
So what did Zen do?
He murdered her husband.
"Now you’re free," he said, holding up a bouquet of wilted roses and a quirk-enhancing body pillow.
Nana, utterly unimpressed, replied, “You’re still a 400-year-old virgin with mommy issues and a god complex.”
He incinerated her on the spot.
But it haunted him. She had a type. And it wasn’t him.
Lady Nagant and the Exploding Ego
When Lady Nagant was freed from Tartarus, All for One tried his best pickup lines.
“You and I could rule this broken world. Just you, me, and 84 stolen quirks.”
Lady Nagant responded with, “Hard pass. You look like a raisin that failed No Nut November for 300 years.”
She rejected him, twice.
So he gave her an exploding quirk.
Petty?
Absolutely.
Effective?
Not really.
Mature?
He watched Andrew Tate for life advice. You decide.
The Rizzening of Deku
Then, the final blow to his fragile ego arrived.
Izuku Midoriya, green-haired cinnamon roll, awakened the latent power of Ultimate Rizz through One for All. Not only did he defeat villains… he started pulling.
Lady Nagant saw him and blushed.
“Where was this energy when I was getting manipulated by an incel warlord?” she whispered.
All for One screamed internally.
He tried everything: Rizz Absorption Quirks, Pheromone Control, Confidence Augmentation, even Quirk-Tinder.
Nothing helped.
He was still an awkward, mumbling Reddit mod with a god complex and zero baddies.
The Betrayal of Tomura
Tomura, poor decayed boy, suddenly began attracting attention.
Toga developed a crush. Dabi respected him. Spinner made fan edits.
Zen was furious.
"I built you, Tomura! I raised you! And now you're stealing MY women?!"
"Your Women!!!", "What Women Do You Even Have To Steal" Tomura said incensed
Zen "All For One" was not amused at his protege.
He attempted a ritual to possess his body permanently. For 0.7 seconds, he succeeded.
But everyone in the room immediately went, “Yo… why is Tomura talking like a middle-aged fedora-wearer on Discord?”
Best Jeanist narrowed his eyes. "This isn’t him. There’s no Rizz. The vibes are off."
They exorcised Zen using the ancient art of “public humiliation and quoting his old Tate videos.”
Epilogue: All for None
All for One now resides in a quirkless prison, forced to listen to Aizawa’s seduction podcast on loop. The world moved on.
Heroes thrive. Rizz levels are at an all-time high. Tomura got a redemption arc and a girlfriend. Yoichi smiles from beyond.
And All Might?
He stands atop the city, cape flowing.
“Remember, young Midoriya,” he says, solemnly. “Heroism over bitches.”
Midoriya nods.
And All for One screams into his pillow.
Moral of the Story:
Don’t take dating advice from Andrew Tate.
Don’t kill people because they rejected you.
And above all… don’t be All for One.