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Eddie Diaz thought he had everything worked out. His kid was doing great in school. His job was everything he ever wanted from a vocation. He had an amazing group of friends. He found a nice Latina who got along well with his son. He loved his life in Los Angeles. Things were great. Until they weren’t. To start with, the nice Latina he felt okay dating turned out to be a former nun. That killed just about any attraction to her whatsoever. On top of that, his best friend started dating a man. That in itself was fine. Of course it was fine. Eddie wasn’t a homophobe. He had no problem with queer people. But the second the words “It was a date” slipped from Buck’s mouth, Eddie’s entire world flipped upside down. Buck had been on a date with Tommy. Eddie assured Buck that nothing would change between them now that Buck had realized he was attracted to men. The only problem was, those words tasted like a lie. Eddie did want things to change between him and Buck. But Buck was already set on fixing things with Tommy, and Eddie was straight. He had to be straight. There was no other option for him. That meant he had to fix things with Marisol. He had to push aside the discomfort he felt around her now. She was the type of person he was supposed to be with, he had to be with. So he tried. He really did. They went on dates and family outings and completely started over. Things were fine again. And then he met Kim and things snowballed to the point that Christopher and Marisol saw the two of them together. He was single again and his kid was fleeing to Texas. His Captain nearly died. He harbored intense feelings for his taken best friend. He drunkenly came out to said best friend the night before he decided it was time for his life to change. Buck was great about it, of course, but Eddie had only told him half of the truth, and he didn’t know how long he would be able to keep the rest of it to himself.
Eddie's life had completely gone to shit, so he obviously did the sensible thing: he quit his job and turned to the church. Well, “turned to” is putting it lightly. He fully immersed himself in it and was now a fully ordained priest, even though he couldn’t say with 100% certainty that the church was true. In fact, he seriously doubted it was. But it was familiar, and he could lead homilies from a place of faith in humanity—some of humanity, anyway. The good of humanity in people like… Well, in people like Evan Buckley, his best friend who he missed desperately but wouldn’t let himself contact. He didn’t let himself contact anyone from his past life in Los Angeles. He'd answer calls or texts from his parents, but that was it. Christopher never reached out himself. Eddie’s parents insisted that he was fine, just busy with friends and activities. Eddie just wished that Chris would be the one to talk to him about what he was up to in Texas. It had been months since he left at this point. The ache in Eddie's chest that had been festering since Chris decided to leave did nothing but get worse with each passing day. So, he threw himself headfirst into seminary, a place that reminded him that he deserved his pain because he had sinned time and time again. A place where he could learn to absolve others but never himself. A place he ran to to escape his failures and his newly discovered homosexuality. A place where he could be who he was supposed to be.
“Excuse me, Father, you’ve got a parishioner waiting for you in the confession booth,” Sister Tracy, one of the nuns with whom Eddie had developed a cordial relationship with, said after knocking on his office door.
“Thank you, Sister. I’ll be there in just one moment. Please continue on with whatever you need to do.”
Eddie rubbed the space between his eyes with his thumbs and took a deep breath before pushing himself back from his desk to make his way to the chapel. This was his third week of absolving parishioners in the confession booth, and he still had a bit of a hard time stepping foot into the booth himself. It was a stark reminder of his strict, guilt ridden upbringing. He tried hard to not make the people who came to him feel the way he used to when he was growing up. If he was going to take on this role, he was going to do it in a way that wouldn’t further the fiery trauma he himself had endured. He refused to pass that on to others. He took a final deep breath, stepped into his side of the booth, sat on his chair, and slid open the partition window. On the exhale, he welcomed whoever was on the other side and asked what brought them in.
“Bless me Father for I have sinned,” a voice that Eddie would know anywhere said. It wasn’t one he ever expected to hear in this context. “Full disclosure, I've never done this before. But I, uh, I think I probably should—”
“Seriously, Buck?” Eddie sighed in exasperation, trying to ignore the way his heart leapt at the sound of his best friend’s voice. “What are you doing here?”
Buck continued like Eddie hadn’t interrupted, his voice raising slightly in volume. “Lust is one of the deadly sins, right? And, uh, coveting is up there, too. I'm no stranger to lust. There was a time when it was basically my default setting. But, uh… My problem goes deeper than that. What if—” Buck swallowed, then licked his lips. “What if I've been lusting after and coveting a man who’s pledged himself to god?”
Eddie cleared his throat and his heart pumped into overdrive. “Then you’d, uh… You’d definitely be committing sins,” he said, his voice tight. “According to church doctrine.”
“Hmmm. I thought so. What are my options then? What do I need to do?”
“Um… I think I need more detail about your situation,” Eddie said, feigning ignorance. “What, uh, what do you mean you’ve been lusting for and coveting a man of god?”
“My thoughts, day in and day out, for months now… They’ve been consumed with images and thoughts of him. Even when I was dating someone else.”
“What kind of images and thoughts?” Eddie was breathless, trying—and failing—not to play right into Buck's hands.
“Filthy ones,” Buck admitted in a low voice. “See, this man is… He’s gorgeous. Everything you could want in a man. Physically fit. Soft brown hair. Beautiful brown eyes, especially when they catch the sunlight. Tan skin. And his ass? Don’t even get me started. It’s practically begging to be eaten.”
Eddie made a choked noise on his side of the confessional. Buck smirked on his.
“There are other ways to coax noises like that out of people,” Buck continued, his voice nothing but casual. “Like fucking into their mouths until you hit the back of their throat. I'd like to do that with this man. Both as giver and receiver. I mean, the amount of times I've pictured him on his knees for me—it’s funny, you know, I bet he’s on his knees a lot now, maybe begging for salvation. I want him on his knees in front of me begging for more.”
“More?” Eddie asked in a tentative whisper.
“Mhmmm. When his mouth wasn’t occupied, he’d be begging for it. Harder and faster thrusts, deeper into his throat, pulling his hair, moaning his name while spilling down his throat. Or completely pivoting from that and fucking him for real: opening him up on my fingers all slow and methodical, searching for his prostate while I stretch him open. It would probably take three or four fingers to get him prepped—I'm not exactly modestly endowed, you know? And after he’d been prepped enough, I'd rail him into oblivion. On his back so I can see his face when he falls apart for me.” Buck paused for a moment. “Oh, and I should probably mention that I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago. So I wouldn’t be committing adultery. Does that get me any points?”
“Shit, Buck,” Eddie groaned, a squeaking sound coming from the chair he sat on as he shifted to accommodate the growing bulge in between his legs.
“Like I said, I've been pretty bad lately.”
“No,” Eddie blurted, his eyes widening at the utterance he definitely hadn’t meant to make.
“No?” Buck asked with an amused grin.
“No,” Eddie confirmed after a short consideration.
“Even though all of that is against doctrine?”
“Fuck,” Eddie mumbled, flying out of his side of the booth to wrench open the adjacent one. He let the door slam closed behind him as he sank down onto Buck’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Tell me you were talking about someone else.”
“I can’t,” Buck said, letting his hands come to rest on Eddie’s waist. “You know I can’t.”
“Why now?”
“I've been losing my mind, Eds. All I can think about is you. You came out to me when you were drunk and then immediately left with next to no notice. I broke up with Tommy the day after you left. I’ve been a wreck. It's been hard to sleep. It’s not the same working with Ravi. He's great, but… he’s not you. Why—” he swallowed hard and looked to the side, the first sign of his bravado-esque façade breaking. “Why did you do this?”
“I was spiraling, Buck,” Eddie explained with a weary sigh. “Everything in my life was out of control and this… This helped me get some of that control back.”
“By giving up everyone and everything important to you?” Buck asked, his tone more than a little bitter. “By running away again?”
Eddie narrowed his eyes in a glare. “I'm not running away.”
“Bullshit. You repressed things for so long that when they finally started to surface, you joined the fucking seminary instead of accepting it and letting yourself have what you really want.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” Buck asked, tilting his head and pressing his hips up, causing friction against Eddie's half-hard erection. Eddie bit his lip, but a quiet moan still slipped out. “That's what I thought.”
“I can't just… leave this,” Eddie said, making a vague gesture toward the chapel waiting outside the door of their confined booth.
“You think you can walk away from where you belong like it’s nothing but you can’t walk away from this ? Your place at the 118 is still waiting for you, even though you dipped out of nowhere. Bobby wouldn’t hesitate to take you back. Don’t you miss it, working side by side, saving lives?”
“Yeah, I do…”
“And don’t you want this?” Buck asked, his lips ghosting against Eddie's ear, his voice dangerously seductive. His hands slipped down to Eddie's ass and pulled him closer.
A high pitched whine left Eddie's mouth and his head fell forward to rest against Buck’s shoulder.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Stop running, Eddie,” Buck murmured, trailing soft kisses down what he could reach of his neck. “Take what you want.”
Eddie thrust his hips forward tentatively, grinding against Buck. His forehead still rested on Buck's shoulder as he rocked back and forth in Buck's lap a handful of times. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Buck yet, so he kept his eyes downcast. Soft whimpers fell from his mouth every few movements no matter how hard he tried to suppress them.
“That’s it, baby, just like that,” Buck praised. “Does it feel good?”
“Mhmmm.”
“Do you want it to feel even better?”
“Yes,” Eddie gasped quietly.
Buck moved his hands to Eddie's belt, making quick work of it. He urged Eddie to stand, then slid Eddie's pants and boxers down. His already leaking dick popped out, flushed dark and red. Buck's mouth watered at the sight.
“Fucking beautiful,” he muttered while quickly taking care of his own pants and boxers.
As soon as his clothes were down far enough to expose him, he yanked Eddie back down onto his lap, and their dicks slid together immediately. They both had to suppress moans that begged to be let out. Eddie started rolling his hips in slow, dirty circles, his eyes trained on their matching hard-ons. Buck matched his movements to Eddie's, grinding up when he was grinding down, their bodies moving in perfect harmony. Eddie may have become a man of god, but he had never experienced anything divine until he moved like this in sync with Buck.
“No one else is here, right?” Buck asked, throwing his head back in pleasure as Eddie ground down harder.
“There might be a nun or two wandering around, but usually it’s pretty empty around this time.”
“Thank god,” Buck said, a mischievous grin on his face.
“We’re going to burn in hell,” Eddie whined, his hips stuttering as he approached his climax. “Fuck, I’m close.”
“I don’t believe in hell,” Buck whispered, his lips caressing Eddie's ear. “You shouldn’t either, princess.”
At the pet name, Eddie tumbled over the edge, his orgasm lighting up every neuron in his body with pleasure. Thick ropes of his cum covered Buck’s thighs. Eddie rose shakily from Buck's lap after he rode out his orgasm, staring at the mess while he tucked himself back in his pants. Buck whined at the loss of friction, not having achieved his own orgasm yet. Before he had time to say anything, Eddie knelt in between Buck’s legs, his tongue darting out to lick up the mess he’d made. Buck's mouth dropped open in shock. He wasn’t quite sure he was actually experiencing this. Eddie's tongue dragged across Buck’s thighs, the whole time avoiding Buck’s painful and throbbing dick.
“Eddie,” he whined.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Eddie said. “You’re going to get yours, too.”
He finished cleaning up any trace of his pleasure on Buck's legs, then he looked Buck dead in the eye and slid his mouth as far down his dick as he could. Buck slapped one hand over his mouth to muffle the obscene moan that tried to escape. Eddie would’ve smirked if his mouth wasn’t so busy. He bobbed his head experimentally, using his tongue to trace the thick vein running along the underside of Buck’s dick. Buck's hips twitched at that, and he had to force himself not to thrust harder. Eddie pulled off, giving Buck an unamused look.
“You were just telling me about wanting to fuck my mouth. So fuck my mouth.”
“Here?” Buck hissed.
“Here,” Eddie said with a shrug, taking Buck back in his mouth.
“Tap my leg twice if you need me to stop,” Buck said, twisting his fingers into Eddie’s hair.
Eddie gave him a quick thumbs up before returning his hand to its place gripping Buck’s thigh. After that, Buck stopped restraining his movement. The angle wasn’t the best, but he made do, fucking into Eddie’s mouth just like he’d fantasized. He didn't last as long as he would have liked, though, spilling into Eddie's mouth after maybe a minute. Eddie swallowed as much as he could, savoring the taste of Buck. He thought he could very easily get addicted. What he couldn’t swallow dribbled down his chin. Buck pulled Eddie back onto his lap and licked his own cum from Eddie's face before thrusting his tongue into Eddie's mouth in a filthy kiss. Their first kiss. They had been a bit too preoccupied for it earlier, but it was no matter. Their lips still fit together perfectly, sliding together like it was their sole purpose.
“Father Eddie?” a woman’s voice called, shattering the heated bubble around them.
“Shit,” Eddie mumbled against Buck’s lips. He regretfully pulled away. “That's Sister Tracy. I’ve got to…” He trailed off, backing off of Buck and attempting to smooth out his hair and clothes in the limited space he had to move inside the cramped booth. He exited soon after, hoping he didn’t look as fucked out as he felt. He cleared his throat and waved a hand in greeting. His voice was still a bit rough when he spoke. “Hi, again, Sister Tracy. What can I help you with?”
“Um… I had a question about the service tomorrow, but I have a feeling you won’t be leading it.”
Eddie laughed a little hysterically. “Wh-why would you think that?”
“I think you’ve realized your place isn’t here. It’s back where you were before you joined us.”
“I… I think you might be right,” Eddie said in a small voice.
“It's been nice getting to know you, Eddie. I wish you the best, and remember you’re always welcome here. You and your… friend… may want to think about being more discrete in the future, though.”
Eddie’s face burned scarlet. “I am so sorry for anything you may have heard. I wasn’t—We weren’t… I’m sorry.”
“I wandered in just a moment before I called for you. As far as I know, all you did was kiss him. He’s the one you’ve talked about, isn’t he? Buck?”
“Yeah, he is,” Eddie said, unable to keep the smile off his face.
“He’s who you belong with,” Sister Tracy said. “The way you light up when you talk about him shows how much you love him. Again, I truly wish you the best. Take care, Eddie.”
“You, too. Thank you for your kindness and understanding.”
Sister Tracy left the chapel after that, leaving an embarrassed Eddie standing alone. A few moments later, Buck exited the booth and made his way to Eddie, his own embarrassment clear on his face.
“I'm sorry,” he said, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I shouldn't have—I didn't come here with the intention of having sex in the confession booth. I just needed to tell you how much I've been struggling and how much I miss you. I didn't know how else to get your attention. You wouldn’t answer any of my messages.”
“I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't… I wasn't in a good space. I know I shouldn't have left. But I've been so terrified, Buck.”
“There's nothing wrong with who you are, Eddie,” Buck murmured.
“It might still take me some time to get there,” Eddie said. “But I can’t run anymore. Will you… Will you come with me to talk to Bobby? Please?”
“Of course. Promise me something, though?”
“Hmmm?”
“Bring Chris home, too. Stand up to your parents. Our family isn’t complete without him.”
“Our family,” Eddie whispered, tears welling in his eyes.
“Assuming that’s what you want…”
“We've never been anything casual, Buck. We’re not going to start now.”
“I love you,” Buck murmured, giving Eddie a soft kiss.
“I love you, too. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ran from it. From you. I… thank you for fucking up my path with the church.”
Buck snorted a laugh. “Anytime. Can we go home now?”
“I'll need to collect my things and talk to the bishop, but yeah. We can go home.”