Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

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Jacheong is cold, is the first thing Tokuno Yushi thinks as they reach the border, pulling his cloak tighter around him, breathing in the crisp air. 

It is cold, so cold, and Hagane gets cold, of course, it does, but never this cold, never this cruel. At least they had let him have his clothes, all of them, even when Yushi might be donned in the clothes of Jacheong moving forward, even when he had to leave his blade. Yushi traces the intricate lines of his steel belt , closes his eyes as he thinks of Hagane, what he’s leaving behind, all of this, the choice Yushi never had in the first place.

The carriage bumps a little, and Yushi takes a sharp breath, trying to not let it get to him, all of this, the smallest thing because he’s strong–stronger than all of this, all of Jacheong. 

Tokuno Yushi is made of steel. 

That’s what his mother said to him as she gripped his hands when they said goodbye, in the quiet of their chambers, where his mother just wailed, wailed, wailed. She couldn’t do that in front of the entourage of people waiting to pick Yushi up after the Peace Agreement, but she could do it here, in this room, where no one else was around, not even their servants, not even Sakuya, who had been begging, begging to be with Yushi for the night, too, but their mother was the priority, of course, losing the war also meant losing her baby, her first son. She needed that night with Yushi.

Yushi, you are made of steel, my love. Not just in your blades, not just in your name, not just in the place you were born in, but in your heart, in your soul, you are made of steel. You are the strongest there ever is. Do not let them soften you. You are my Crown Prince, my baby. My baby, always. Keep your guards up, my sweetheart. They’ll break you, but you have to be strong. You have to be made of steel. I love you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry–

His mother had apologised the whole night, even when they had cuddled into the bed, Yushi fighting back his own tears, letting his mother hold him like a child, rocking him back and forth, tears running out as she cried, as if he wasn’t twenty-three already, to be married away. 

Another bump in the road, and Yushi draws a sharp breath when his head hits the top of the carriage. 

“Crown Prince Tokuno, I’m sorry, the road is a bit bumpy from the hail last night,” the carriage rider hollers, and Yushi just sighs, closing his eyes, not even knowing what to say back, at the name, something he once was, but not anymore. The person is from Hagane, very much well aware of the situation, yes, but habits will always slip through, that title, maybe they all need a reminder. That the war has passed like the tide, and has taken all of Yushi’s with it. 

They casually pass through the the village, the hustle and bustle of the people around the market, like this is not someone of importance passing by, like this is just another one of their merchants, their people, the villagers, not the symbol of peace, prize of war, going through these streets, not the mark of the end of The Great War. 

Not a Crown Prince anymore, Yushi repeats to himself as he passes through these streets. Because Yushi is not, not even close to one anymore, not in name, not in prestige. They’ve lost the war. By losing the war, Yushi had somehow become the prize of the war. By losing the war, not only is Yushi not the Crown Prince of Hagane anymore, but he’ is simply  a bride.

A bride.

That comes at the price of being the prize of war. 

Yushi feels a pang in his chest at the reminder, wishing that this all had been a bad dream, all of this. Yushi closes his eyes, willing it away, fighting away the tears, frustrations, the reminders. The Great War, being carted away all the way from Hagane to Jacheong, being a bride.

The carriage halts abruptly. 

Yushi hears the squeaks and taps of shoes. The door opens. 

Maeda Riku is there, smiling shakily, trying his best to comfort Yushi as he opens the door. Beautiful, beautiful, Riku, his dearest friend, his guard, his knight in shining armour, quite literally, and someone who had been raised to serve the Tokuno family, decades, and decades of the Maeda’s family and lineage. At least Riku is here. In his smile, in the way his hand is reaching out for him, his best friend, this one. But even seeing Riku’s familiar face is not enough to ease the nerves. It is not showing in Yushi’s face, of course, the weakness, the fear, the shame, most of all, that he is here, in Jacheong, but not as a Crown Prince, but as a bride. 

Yushi doesn’t show any of it. 

Yushi is made of steel, and these people can’t break him. 

Yushi looks up at the entrance of the palace, the doors already open wide to show the rows and rows of people, all the way from the stairs all the way to the door that opens to the throne hall. Yushi knows that the majority of Jacheong Royal Palace was mostly untouched from the cruelty of the war, but something twinges in Yushi’s heart, that a place that has gone through war like this can still remain unchanged, yet everything has changed for Yushi. Everything he’s known his whole life, his honour, his title, everything. 

Funny, in a way, war, and its’ ways of picking and choosing whom to inflict its’ pain to. 

“Welcome to Jacheong, my Crown Prince,” Riku mutters under his breath, in solidarity, speaking in their mother tongue, to acknowledge Yushi’s title, even when he’s been stripped bare of it all, in their language, as an act of defiance, when they will most likely be conversing in Jacheong’s tongue when they’re here.  

But Riku’s words. Yushi is not the Crown Prince. Not at all. Not anymore, at least. 

Yushi steps down the carriage, adjusting his cloak slightly, head held up high, there are so many people. The people of Jacheong, all crowding around the palace, the staff of Jacheong Palace, leading up to the entrance, bowing so deeply that Yushi feels out of sorts, but does not let on. It is so quiet, so quiet, maybe from the shame that Jacheong holds for doing this, maybe out of respect, Yushi does not know, but does not let on. 

Yushi is  strong, made of steel, and being strong means acting like you know things even when you do not. 

The rows and rows of people there are bowing in respect at Yushi, because even if Yushi was not the Crown Prince of Hagane anymore, he is the prize of war. 

The symbol of peace between Hagane and Jacheong, and there's that. 

At least, there’s that. 

Yushi walks, walks, up the stairs, all the way to the entrance of the palace, leading his small, but mighty entourage confidently to the throne hall, with Riku behind him and his entourage from Hagane, bringing the other prizes of war, steel after steel after steel, what Hagane is made of, what has built them up, but what has also brought them down. 

Yushi reaches the entrance, after walking, walking, and feels himself falter a little when he sees the Jacheong’s royal family, feeling his breath stop a little. 

There are five of them; the King, the Queen’s consort, the Crown Prince, also Yushi’s future husband, the Princess,  and the estranged Prince who had gained his title from his contribution in the war. 

There are the King’s concubines at the back, five of them in total, and it makes Yushi feel strange, in a way that he cannot put a finger on. Maybe because Hagane does not condone concubines like Jacheong does, at least not publicly like this, which is something Yushi has to get used to, has to accept, but Yushi can’t help how it makes him feel unsettled, at the look of all the concubines just standing there, staring back at the crowd with nonchalance. 

Yushi fixes his gaze to the Jacheong’s main royal family again, studying them. 

How regal they look, how mighty, although Yushi thinks maybe that comes with winning the war, you need to stand tall, stand proud. They look even more intimidating than how Yushi remembers them to be. Before the tension between Jacheong and Hagane, they were allies. There had been state visits, so Yushi remembers them, can put names to a face, sure, but that was all before the war. Before the tension, before the war, back when they were all so young, so unmarred from the war. 

Nonetheless, state visits are different from what is happening right now. 

In this instance, they are not of the same standing. They really are not. Maybe back then, when Jacheong and Hagane’s alliance was still so strong, maybe, but right now, Yushi is coming to them as  a prize, maybe not even as a person, but merely someone to be presented to show that Jacheong has won the war. 

Yushi must have stopped for too long, stared too long, maybe, because the Crown Prince’s eyes then land on him, and Yushi can feel it, the way his breath is caught in his throat, the way the blood rushes through his veins at the sight of him , with his blonde hair, with his intense eyes, with his sharp jawline, head tilting slightly, as he catches Yushi’s eyes, and Yushi can almost see it, the way his eyes twinkle under the lights, and Yushi does not know what to think of him. 

Him, waiting there, up on the canopy, waiting patiently for his prize , standing tall.

It’s Yushi’s groom, Crown Prince Oh Sion. 

Yushi’s heart stutters.

Stupidly, the first thing that crosses Yushi’s mind: Crown Prince Oh Sion is beautiful. 

It’s simply an observation, a fact, because he is. He is tall, and even from here, Yushi can see that he is taller than Yushi, his presence looming, his figure, his whole existence, one that exudes the energy of a Prince. This is not the first time Yushi had seen Crown Prince Oh Sion, that is the thing. 

But the thing is, the Great War started seven years ago, the tension between Jacheong and Hagane, even more years ago, so the last time they had seen each other was when they were both still so young, years and years ago, when they had been kids, still, both of them, so young. Still so unmarred, still so innocent, at the ripe age of fourteen back then, free from the horrors of the war, both of them. 

So yes, Yushi knew of the Crown Prince, sure, but it was forever ago, and just like how the war was the reason why everything was taken away from him, it was also the war that caused the distance of years between Hagane and Jacheong. 

The war didn’t just ruin physical things, but rather it ruins things like these more; familiarity, alliance, leaving everything to ruins that Yushi seems to be the makeshift bandage that everyone in the Peace Agreement had agreed to be plastered on their old alliance to make up for the mistakes of the war.  

A war happened, seven years passed, many more since the last time they had seen each other face to face like this, and here they are, standing face to face, not as allies, not even as someone of same standing, and not as enemies, even, but as something else entirely, bride and groom, and at that reminder, Yushi feels it in his chest, how much it burns, from how much things have changed, from humiliation, because genuinely, at the core of it all, Yushi has an ego. 

The Crown Prince is standing there, and Yushi hates it, that he can stand there, look pristine in his Jacheong attire, the accolades on his chest, how he can look so, so grown, with the sharpness of his jaw, with the blondes of his hair, with his eyes, looking, staring, as if waiting for Yushi to look away first, to make the first move, before realising that he has more power here, in this Palace, in this place Crown Prince Oh Sion calls home. 

At that realisation, Crown Prince Oh Sion does it. 

The most demeaning thing he could have done.

Crown Prince Oh Sion smiles.

How foolish. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion is smiling. 

It shocks Yushi, that smile. It is not kindness, that’s the thing. 

It is taunting Yushi, it is a show of power, that Crown Prince Oh Sion can still smile here, when Yushi has been stripped away from his title, family, home, yet he is here, unmarred. Yushi knows that the Crown Prince had played a big part in strategising for the war, to achieve their victory in the field, to help Jacheong achieve its’ victory, and despite everything, something in Yushi is relieved that the war did not take that part of the Crown Prince away. The war has a habit of taking things away that means the most to you, and Yushi is partly glad that the Crown Prince is still able to laugh, able to smile, because genuinely, the war can take, take, take. 

But still, how foolish. 

How could you stand there, look at the prize of war, and smile. How fucking foolish.

Yushi looks at the Crown Prince, and Yushi almost scoffs in disbelief as he walks, when he notices him tilting his head to the side, smiling again as he does, and Yushi feels it in his chest, something burning inside of him more and more, at the sight of him, at the audacity to act as if they are meeting in good graces, as good allies still, as if seven years hadn’t passed between them, as if a war had not just happened, and had not just ended. 

Riku nudges him a little, a silent plea for him to keep going, to keep holding on, leading them, because if Yushi breaks, then the rest of them might, too. Yushi continues on, maintaining eye contact with Crown Prince Oh Sion, and he seems to find it amusing, maybe, that Yushi feels insulted. The Crown Prince has that smirk on his face, and he looks so different, so, so different from how Yushi remembers him to be back then when they had met for state visits, from before the war, that Yushi thinks, if not for the smile on his face, Yushi would not have recognised him. 

Yushi reaches the canopy, bowing to the ground as he does, feeling his power, his honour, depleting even more as the lower he reaches the ground. Yushi stays there, as per his father’s instructions, Yushi’s king, a true sign of submission, deference, of losing the war. 

There is no white flag to be raised, but this is a mark of it, too, Tokuno Yushi, former Crown Prince of Hagane, future King’s Consort of Jacheong, Crown Prince Oh Sion’s bride, bowing so deeply, in a way Yushi never had to do as a Crown Prince.

It feels like he’s been bowing forever. 

It is the Queen’s consort who goes to him, pulling him out of his bow, taking his head in her hand, lifting him up, smiling her kind smile. Crown Prince Oh Sion’s mother, the primary wife, what a ridiculous thing to say, and Yushi tries to not ache for her, when he remembers the concubines at the back, wonders, wonders, how she feels about them, and at the back of his mind, wonders, if his fate would be the same as her’s, and somehow, it is that that colours fear into Yushi’s heart. 

Yushi is humiliated, embarrassed, angry, yes, all of those, but not fearful.

But somehow at the thought of his groom having concubines makes Yushi feel fearful. 

How ridiculous, that, too, is a sign of weakness. 

Yushi brushes the thoughts away as he feels the softness of her touch, as she cups Yushi’s chin, lifting him up from the ground. 

“Child, child,” the Queen’s consort chastises, leading him up the canopy, to stand next to the royal family of Jacheong. The King is there, face firm, tight, but not protesting as the Queen’s consort led him up, up, to be the same level as them, hands firmly to the back, like a soldier, still, like they are still in war. Maybe they are in his head. War does that to people, too. 

The Queen’s consort squeezes his hand softly, giving him an earnest look as she situates Yushi next to the Crown Prince, and Yushi feels his body tighten, defensive immediately, of the person he will call his husband soon. 

“We can only blame the war. We can only move forward,” the Queen’s consort says softly, and Yushi tries to not project it onto his face, the relief he’s feeling, that he’s not the one getting blamed for the war. 

Yushi was involved in the war, forced to grow up when it first started, involved in the fighting, battles, and towards the end of the war, Yushi did get even more involved, strategising, to adapt into the war they were living in when the will to win the war has faded into it being tiresome. Yushi went to the field on the day they lost, and almost cried under the armour, but willed it away. The war was bloody, cruel, and Yushi’s thoughts during it was: please end, please let this be it, there should not be this much cruelty in this world.

Maybe the Gods had heard him that day. 

That was the day they lost, and now Yushi is here, taking the blame, being the one Jacheong wanted as the prize of war. 

At least the Queen’s consort respected him. 

At least war gave him that. 

The King, Sion’s father, to Yushi’s surprise, then takes his hand, leading him forward, signalling for the Crown Prince to also move forward. The estranged Prince also follows, and he doesn’t even spare Yushi a glance, and Yushi tries to not take offence. Yushi’s hands brush as the Crown Prince stands beside him. The Crown Prince is taller than him, Yushi was right. Somehow, that confirmation makes him feel smaller than ever. Yushi tries to stand as tall as the Crown Prince, to show steel, to show resilience, that he’s strong, that even though Yushi is not here on his own accord, of his own will and choice, he is here. 

Still here, and will continue to be here. Yushi aches for something he does not even have a name for. 

The King coughs, and the crowd falls silent. 

“The Seven-Year war has ended, we have won,” the King begins solemnly, pointedly not addressing it as the Great War, something the streets and the whispers have started to call it, as if already forgetting that the war had taken so much, so much from people. There was nothing great about it.. At the pointed use of the words from the King, Yushi feels this strange mix of relief and shame at the words, at the implication of it all; Hagane’s loss. Yushi tries to humble himself as the crowd cheers, to accept that Hagane had lost, that is a fact. 

It has been seven years. 

The war was too long, so long. 

One had to lose.

Once the crowd has calmed down, King Oh continues, still solemn, that his people have reverted back to show the same solemnity, respect for their King. 

“We have won, yes, but we have lost so much. Families, friends, loved ones. War is not something to be trifled with. It is pain, loss, hurt. This is why peace is not something to be taken for granted.” 

Yushi finds himself agreeing with the words. The Great War was long, tiring, dire, and took so much out of their resources, their people, most importantly. Even when Hagane had lost, Yushi felt it, the way peace and war differed, the way the air in Hagane felt more peaceful after the war, the villages not in havoc, the Palace of Hagane not bustling with Generals, Governors, just–peace. Yushi can acknowledge that, at least. 

The King continues. “Peace, in this war, is the Crown Prince of Hagane, Tokuno Yushi, who had given up his title for us to have peace. Crown Prince Tokuno was a friend to Jacheong, but now, my son.” 

Yushi’s heart stutters at the words, intimacy of it all, face remaining blank, even when his heart is thudding out of his chest at the words. 

“I would humbly want you all to remember this. What the Crown Prince had to give up for us to have this. That war comes at a cost, at a price. This is Peace. I officially welcome Jacheong to the era of Peace. But more than that I officially welcome Tokuno Yushi, the future King’s consort. Please, welcome him, accept him, as he is one of ours, as he is Peace.” 

The crowd roars, shouting Yushi’s name, hollering in celebration, and Yushi stands there frozen, not sure what to make of the speech, keeping his face grounded, such a different reception of what Yushi had been expecting from the moment he arrived at the Palace’s door. Keep your guards up, my sweetheart. They’ll break you, but you have to be strong. You have to be made of steel, his mother’s words, Yushi remembers. 

Is this part of the plan? One of the ways Jacheong will break him? Be so kind, welcoming, that Yushi will let down his walls, and eventually they’ll stab him in the back? Is this it? Yushi doesn’t know what to think, what to even say to that–such humble, humble speech from a King, and such gentle touches from the Queen’s consort. 

Yushi glances at the person to his side, his future husband, the future King, only to find him already looking at Yushi, a smile on his face, his eyes are looking fond, nostalgic, sad, all jumbled up that Yushi does not even know what to say, how to break this silence between them. 

These seven years. It’s been seven years. The war. 

Yushi studies him, takes in his features this close, how his face is sharp, cheekbones prominent, and jawline refined. His cheekbones, his jaw, his lips, all of him, so grown, so grown. The Crown Prince has grown so well into all that he does, and has. It has been so long. It has really been so long. The Crown Prince Oh Sion remembers back then was quiet, reserved, shy, his cheeks were full, always smiley and giggling, and he was so young. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion now is so grown. 

How does Yushi even feel about him? This person Yushi has to call husband in a matter of months, leading up to their wedding. The Great Wedding, the people are saying, always having to put names on things that do not, should not matter. Especially not something that had stemmed out of such a horrific event. 

“Hello, my bride,” Crown Prince Oh Sion says, offering his hand, grinning. 

Yushi’s face hardens, heart dropping at the name, even when that is what Yushi is. A bride. Just a bride. 

Immediately, Yushi knows what he feels about Crown Prince Oh Sion. 

Hatred. 

That is all there is to it. 

Yushi does not take the Crown Prince’s hand. 

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There is a dinner banquet. 

There is a dinner that Yushi does not want to attend, but has to attend in the name of peace, and there is food that Yushi does not want to eat, but has to eat, also in the name of peace. There is a husband Yushi does not want to marry, but has to marry, also in the name of peace, and he is sitting next to Yushi, his presence ever there, strong and prominent. 

Yushi turns a little, grateful to find Riku right behind him, near the walls, and Riku does not smile as they make eye-contact, to maintain the front he has to put up as Yushi’s right-hand man, but he does raise an eyebrow, a silent way to ask if Yushi is alright, and Yushi just nods slightly before staring back at the food. 

Food in Jacheong is bland, that’s one thing Yushi has forgotten. 

The last state visit was forever ago, and now, at the sight of the food, Yushi remembers just how much he hated the food, the blandness, the simplicity of it all. It’s bland, tasteless, healthy, sure, but it is not home, and it’s making Yushi spiral a little, thinking once again about how much he has left behind. 

Yushi startles a little when someone takes his plate, and replaces it with something else. 

Immediately, Yushi recognises it, food from Hagane. 

It’s red, it’s spicy, sure, something people in Jacheong are not used to, definitely, but it is something Yushi is used to, it is home, and immediately Yushi feels better. Yushi looks back at the person who had taken his plate, only to find the person long gone. Yushi hears the Crown Prince clear his throat next to him, and Yushi’s heart jumps at being addressed just like that, but maintains his composure. 

“You could have just said that you didn’t want to eat Jacheong’s food,” the Crown Prince says lightly, there is a tilt to his voice that sounds like he is joking around, like Yushi’s life had not just spun around in its axis, leaving Yushi to adjust, adjust, adjust, and yet the Crown Prince is laughing. 

The Crown Prince is laughing like they were still so young, like they were still fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, like a war didn’t happen, like they were not going to get married because of the said war. Yushi looks at the Crown Prince in disbelief at the tone, and stupidly, genuinely, this guy so stupid, smiled at Yushi, eyes soft, looking kind, yet so fucking stupid. 

God, Yushi does not know what to do with Crown Prince Oh Sion. 

“I did not know that was an option,” Yushi just mutters back, in Jacheong’s tongue, looking away from the Crown Prince’s distracting face, looking around the dinner table instead, studying the people Yushi also needs to get used to. The dinner is not quite a party, but there are important people, Generals, the immediate families of the Jacheong royal family, that Yushi knows enough that it is simply not an option to just go to his chambers, even when that is all Yushi wants to do. 

Yushi’s eyes land on the estranged Prince, someone on this dinner table that Yushi is so curious about, his status, his youth, his rise from the war. When the war has mostly taken from people, it has given the estranged Price something. 

From what Yushi remembers, the name of the estranged Prince is Ryo.

Prince Ryo. 

Prince Ryo is small, that is one thing Yushi notices. He is small, but he has an adorable face, if not for the frown that is always on him, maybe marred from the war, maybe just the way he is as a person, Yushi does not know. Prince Ryo also looks so young, and Yushi knows that he is, he really is, and something in Yushi’s heart twinges that someone so young could be so exposed to the likes of a war that he would rise through the ranks like this. Yushi thinks: someone so young should not have to be exposed to such things, such cruelty. Prince Ryo’s youth reminds Yushi so much of Sakuya, his precious little brother, that his heart yearns, yearns for him, suddenly aching, wishing he could have hugged him for longer when they had parted, not knowing when would be the next time they would see each other. 

Prince Ryo then notices Yushi looking, his eyes sharp as he does, and he looks Yushi up and down, then to the Crown Prince, then meeting Yushi’s eyes again sharply, before looking away. Yushi is speechless, and hopes that his face does not translate how restless he feels at that. 

During the war, there had been whispers of it, that Prince Ryo had just been one of the King’s concubines’ sons, and traditionally, by Jacheong’s customs, they are not to be acknowledged unless something happens to the Crown Prince, which in this case is Crown Prince Oh Sion. 

But Prince Ryo had contributed so much to the war, their victory, that the King had recognised him as a Prince. Prince Ryo looks disinterested in this dinner, and Yushi is too, but Yushi wonders, wonders, at the back of his mind how is Prince Ryo’s relationship with Sion, if there is tension, if there is even trust. There is so much to learn, about everyone, and everything, the politics of it all and Yushi is suddenly extremely tired at the thought of being thrusted into all of this without any proper preparation. 

Yushi tries to look at the Princess next, only to find her gone, and Yushi is confused at first, before it crosses Yushi’s mind how late it is already, and the Princess might have already gone to bed. Today, at that canopy, was the first time Yushi had seen the Princess. Yushi knows her name, of course, Princess Jueun. The Princess had been born just before the war, when the hostility had been brewing, right before Hagane called the first strike, so she must not be older than seven, eight, nine, maybe, at the very most. It crosses Yushi’s mind that the Princess was born into a world of war, and at that thought, it does make Yushi morose, but at least the Princess does not have to spend all of the reformative parts of her youth in war, like Prince Ryo, Crown Prince Oh Sion, and Yushi did. 

Seven years were enough. Yushi wishes it was even shorter than that. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion makes a little noise, and Yushi glances at him in surprise, forgetting that he was there to begin with. By the small pout on Sion’s lips, Yushi realises that the Crown Prince had thought that they were having a conversation. 

Oh, well. 

The Crown Prince tilts his head a little in confusion, lips slightly pouted. The Crown Prince’s face reminds him of a little bunny when he does that, but his face is firm, eyebrows furrowed as he does, looking at Yushi firmly, as if to make sure that his words are processed by Yushi when he’s this close, this intense. 

“Of course, it is an option, my Prince, this is your new home. You can do what you want here, you are not a prisoner. You are not bound by anything, and you are free.” 

Yushi blinks at the words, getting a whiplash, realising that the Crown Prince is referring to his words earlier, at the implication that Yushi is here without an option, left to do what other people tell him to do. In terms of his presence here, what he eats, how he dresses. Maybe Yushi is the stupid one, too, because his heart stutters at that, not knowing what to make of the words. Not bound by anything? 

This marriage itself is a bound, making Yushi a prisoner, but then, home, home. 

Not the first time that the Jacheong royal family has alluded to it. 

That Yushi is to be welcomed here, to be accepted, to be made home. 

But still, Yushi doubts, doubts. 

Maybe it is the remnants of the war, still sticking on him like suds, these things stick to you, these doubts, the reflex to just protect yourself first before anything else. 

Yushi does not say anything. Because Crown Prince Oh Sion is too close, too near, and Yushi does not have anything to say to him that is not hateful, that is not out of the humiliation in his heart.

So, Yushi eats. 

Yushi eats Hagane’s food, and thanks the Gods out there that he’s able to eat this food, at least, that someone is kind enough to give him this, knowing exactly who requested it without Yushi even asking, but not wanting to acknowledge said person.

The dinner goes on, and on, and on. 

At least the table knows enough to not engage Yushi in conversations, too tired for the politics of it all, times still too sensitive maybe, to ask him about Hagane, and him about what he thinks of Jacheong so far, and Yushi is glad because Yushi does not even know what he would say if he was referred to, just glad to blend enough into the background, just sipping and eating away. Wine after wine is poured, and Yushi, despite himself, drinks it, too, figures that he needs it, liquid courage, maybe, to get through his first night in Jacheong, to get through this marriage. 

Would Yushi become an alcoholic just to survive this marriage? Yushi hopes not, really hopes not, but as he takes another sip, he glances at Crown Prince Oh Sion, taking him in as discreetly as he can. 

Seven years. It has really been seven years since the war started. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion has grown so much from the last time Yushi saw him, Yushi thinks again, and Yushi knows this, that Yushi himself has grown, too. 

It is the passage of time, of course it is bound to go like this. Their youth has passed them, the time taking it with them. 

But seven years ago, at the start of the war, Yushi would never have thought that he would be in this position; to not be someone of the same standing as Crown Prince Oh Sion anymore, but rather a bride to the Crown Prince. 

A bride, that is all that’s left of Yushi now, and the Crown Prince is acting like nothing has changed, like he could easily settle in here, in Jacheong, when so much has changed, their circumstances, their relationship, or lack thereof, and nothing of them, not even in the physicality, what more mentality, remained the same. 

And yet, the Crown Prince is expecting Yushi to just settle in? 

“You’re staring,” Crown Prince Oh Sion mumbles, even when he is not looking back at Yushi. But then, the Crown Prince looks at him, still, that glint in his eyes, how stupid, Yushi thinks. The Crown Prince laughs a little, his smile wide and bright. How stupid. “Did you just call me stupid, Prince Yushi?” 

Ah, Yushi must’ve said it out loud. Yushi licks his lips, not knowing what else to say, but stares at the Crown Prince. At least Yushi can look at him without backing down, surely that is something to be proud of, to show that Yushi, too, can be of power, that he is not backing down. 

But as the Crown Pince looks down at his lips, Yushi’s heart starts thundering, and Yushi just wills himself to keep staring, and with the help of the alcohol in his blood, Yushi can, he can stare as long as he’d like, he can take the Crown Prince in, can think about him, can hate him, can hate that Yushi is here as his future husband, with nothing that he has to give up. If Yushi had lost in that aspect, then at least Yushi shall not lose in this game they are playing at. 

What is Crown Prince Oh Sion even doing, staring at his lips like that?

God, Yushi hates him. 

What did the war take away from the Crown Prince? Why has the war taken so much from Yushi, yet none from Crown Prince Oh Sion? Why is he even here? 

Suddenly, the game feels childish. 

Yushi has lost. Always. 

“I want to go to my chambers,” Yushi announces, kicking at the Crown Prince shoes a little to get his attention, petulant, as if like a child, as if Sion’s eyes are not on him anyway, on his lips, even, so Yushi didn’t need his attention to begin with. The Crown Prince breathes out a laugh at that, meeting his eyes again, shaking his head slightly, maybe in disbelief, who knows, but Yushi does not care. If the Crown Prince could request for the servants to change his food just like that, surely, he can bring him to his chambers when the dinner is still going on. The Crown Prince makes a little noise, as if just realising something. 

His hand then touches Yushi’s arm, gently guiding him up, and Yushi is glad for once of the cold weather that they are all bundled up, so their skin is not touching, because Yushi thinks he will burn, out of hatred he has for Crown Prince Oh Sion. 

“Of course, of course. How rude of Jacheong. Prince Yushi must be tired, huh?” The Crown Prince says, and Yushi just blinks back at him, eyes feeling droopy, not even knowing what to make of the words, the intentions behind it all, how Crown Prince Oh Sion sounds gentle, kind, with his husky voice that makes Yushi shiver out of hatred. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion is so gentle, as he is so kind, and as he is so stupid. 

Yushi hates him. He does. Yushi does not know what to feel about him. His intentions, and his words, all of his. His existence.

The Crown Prince excuses them from the dinner table, his hand naturally detaches itself from Yushi, and Yushi somehow hates him even more. Everyone on the dinner table is too drunk anyway, that no one bats an eye at the guest of honour leaving early with their Crown Prince. Maybe it is funny that the Crown Prince himself is the one leading him to his room, not any of the servants. Maybe it’s indecent here to do so, maybe it’s normal, Yushi does not know, and decides that he does not really care at the moment, just wants to lay down, and not be here. 

Yushi manages to make eye-contact with the Queen’s consort, and her eyes are already on Yushi as he gets up, and there’s a small smile on her face as she studies them both, walking out of the dinner banquet. Yushi just nods, not knowing what to make of it all, just heading to the door the Crown Prince is headed to. Yushi glances back, finding Riku right behind him, close enough, so Yushi breathes easy, even when Crown Prince Oh Sion is the one leading him to his chambers. 

They step out of the dinner. The palace is as huge as Yushi remembers it to be from the brief state visits, but the quarters the Crown Prince is leading him to was not the corner of the palace he had visited back then as a guest. No, this is even grander, the gold accents on the walls, pillars after pillars, the walls are carved into intricately, and if Yushi is not this drunk, he would enjoy it, the way the walls and ceilings are showing history of Jacheong, how they come to be, how agriculture has shaped them up to be the way they are now. 

But the reality is that Prince Tokuno Yushi is drunk. 

The reality is that Prince Tokuno Yushi is not the Crown Prince of Hagane anymore. 

The reality is that Prince Tokuno Yushi is the Crown Prince of Jacheong’s bride. 

And the reality is that Yushi, just Yushi, is here, so far away from home, so far away from what he was before this, all this. 

Yushi bumps into the Crown Prince, not realising that they have reached the door of his chambers. It is gold, even just from the doorframe, Yushi can tell that it is a large room, a large space for one person to be in, and its largeness, its’ grandeur is meant to be the place where Yushi should feel comfortable in. But what happens when they get married? Does Yushi move in with the Crown Prince? Does the Crown Prince have another estate they have to move into? 

So many questions, so many thoughts, and Yushi at the core of it all, is so sad. 

So sad.

“Were you daydreaming, Prince Yushi?” The Crown Prince teases, his smile wide, his hands in his pockets, looking so smug, so happy that Yushi doesn’t get him. The name, too. Prince, sure, at least Yushi is still a Prince. But why does Sion need to say it like that? Is it to placate him? To at least give him grace, even when he is not a Crown Prince anymore? God, how demeaning. Yushi just stares at the Crown Prince, hoping, without words, that he is able to convey just how much hatred is burning in his heart right now. 

The Crown Prince huffs out a laugh, gesturing to the door, giving up on trying to elicit a reaction out of Yushi when he has been so quiet and disinterested, or at least making himself out to be like that. At least Yushi knows that he’s succeeding.

“Your chambers,” Sion says, his hand to the door, but not opening it, leaving Yushi to do it, giving him a choice, maybe, or there are no intentions behind his actions. Yushi does not know Crown Prince Oh Sion, and Yushi is expected to just marry him. Yushi is so sad. 

Sion clears his throat, gesturing once again to the door, his beautiful face serious as he does, the way he does when he wants Yushi to take his words seriously, just like at the dinner banquet. “The servants have tidied it up. Your stuff is in there. All of your clothes, belongings, but Jacheong has also given you some gifts. Clothes, tailored to perfection for you, but if it is not, then you can say the word, and it will be fixed for you. Jewellery, only the best that Jacheong has to offer. Books, the best literature Jacheong has to offer, and there are books in Hagane’s tongue, too. Only the best for you, with options you can pick from. You will always have choices here.” 

Yushi just stares, stares, not knowing once again what to make of those words. Jacheong was not supposed to give Yushi any gifts. It was not part of the Peace Agreement. But Jacheong did it anyway, and Yushi is too drunk, too tired, to even think about the implication of it all. Is this a test?

The Crown Prince stares back, and his eyes soften as he stares more. Maybe he is trying to decipher Yushi, Yushi does not know, but Yushi just knows that he does not want the Crown Prince to know him. Does not trust him enough to do that. 

His eyes are intense, and Yushi thinks this may be something he could never get used to, the way he looks, looks, looks at Yushi, trying to peel his layers, deciphering him. The Crown Prince continues, voice low, and something in Yushi’s stomach rumbles at the sounds of his voice. 

“You do not have to wear it. All of it. You can even throw it all. Just say the word. You can stick to what you know, what you like, what you are familiar with. But know that it is for you. All of it, everything in that room. It is yours, and only yours, and you can ask for more. You can ask, you can have things. You have the choice. Options. You always do in Jacheong. I will make sure of it.”

Yushi feels a little breathless, not really knowing what to say, what to do, so he looks away, swallowing the lump in his throat, knowing, deep down, even with the alcohol streaming through his veins, that the Crown Prince has somehow figured Yushi out. Maybe not all of him, but he knows, knows, how Yushi feels about this situation. 

Maybe Yushi is not being as discreet as he thinks he is. 

Maybe Yushi lets on more than he says. 

Maybe, by not saying anything is itself an answer to Crown Prince Oh Sion. 

Maybe Yushi is bleeding it out, all of the hatred, distaste he has for this place, no matter how blank he tries to keep his face. 

Yushi swallows, looking at the Crown Prince again. The Crown Prince just stares back, waiting, waiting. 

Yushi says it with a shakier voice than he intended: “Crown Prince Oh Sion, we are not friends.” You sound weak, Yushi immediately thinks, immediately feeling the regret bubbling up after saying that, how his voice shakes a little as he spoke. 

But it needs to be said. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion thinks they are in good graces, that Yushi is kind, accepting, submissive, maybe, who knows, but Yushi is not. Tokuno Yushi is made of steel, courage, and this is duty, all of this. Crown Prince Oh Sion does not get to smile like that. 

But Crown Prince Oh Sion does. 

The Crown Prince just looks back at him calmly, and stupidly, really, so fucking stupid, the corner of his lips rise up. Yushi’s face hardens, pushing the Crown Prince’s chest with his knuckles slightly, not even a hard shove, but just, to touch, to show his anger. 

Just as quickly that action happened, as quickly there is a Jacheong guard, immediately next to their precious Crown Prince, making Yushi blink in surprise, not realising that there had been a guard to begin with following them, had thought that there was only Riku, always by Yushi’s side.

The guard is tall, taller than Riku, his face firm, but he looks panicked, not knowing what to make of this situation where the Crown Prince’s future husband is the one putting his hands on their precious Crown Prince. 

“My Crown Prince,” Riku starts, always, with that title, even after everything. “Please do not start fights on your first day here,” Riku begs, suddenly next to him, the words sounding desperate, funny, even, but it is in their mother tongue, for both of them to understand. When did Riku even get here? Riku is glaring at the guard, daring him to touch Yushi, and the guard does not know what to do, wanting to back off at Riku’s glare, but knowing it is his duty to protect their own Crown Prince. 

It is Crown Prince Oh Sion who finally breaks the tension, laughing as he does, pushing the Jacheong guard away. “Jaehee, it’s alright, it’s alright, that’s my husband. He can do whatever he wants to me.” 

Something in Yushi flushes. Yushi hates him. God, Yushi does. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion then looks at him again, looking relaxed again, as if Yushi did not just express his anger, did not just show emotions even when he had tried so hard to seem indifferent. Crown Prince Oh Sion’s eyes are less intense now, and Yushi somehow does not get it. Does the Crown Prince not get where he is going with this? That this marriage is not something that Yushi is doing out of the kindness of his own heart, that this is a duty, an obligation. 

“We are not friends, Crown Prince,” Yushi repeats shakily, his composure slipping. Maybe he should not have gotten drunk. Gods, he should not have. But if not for the alcohol, he would not be able to say this, too. 

“We are not,” the Crown Prince simply agrees, smiling softly, still, and this somehow angers Yushi even more. Well, yes, it is a fact, but Crown Prince Oh Sion does not get to also agree with him on this. 

Yushi’s face hardens. “We are not meeting again in good graces. You don’t get to be happy to see me. You think the war is over? It's not. Not for me. This is war. This marriage. I am living in it, Crown Prince Oh Sion. Everyday that we are married will be war. Mark my words,” Yushi says harshly, hoping the intensity of it all bleeds into his words, his voice, hoping, Gods, that he does not sound desperate instead, or worse, pathetic. 

Crown Prince Oh Sion just stares, stares. There is a soft smile on his face, and Yushi hates it. That he can stand there, and remain unaffected by Yushi’s words when Yushi has been affected by him the moment he stepped into this palace. Crown Prince Oh Sion is beautiful, unmarred, unscarred, and he carries himself with so much poise that it makes Yushi feel small, and at the core of it all, Yushi hates that Crown Prince Oh Sion is all of that, and he has every reason to be, whereas Yushi does not even have any reason to be this brave, when he is technically at Jacheong’s mercy.

“Okay,” Crown Prince Oh Sion just says, and somehow that makes Yushi even angrier, stepping forward, to express himself further, and just as he takes that step, epiphany hits. 

Yushi realises in that moment how foolish it makes him look. 

Smaller than Crown Prince Oh Sion, shorter, looking up at him like this, Gods, how does he even look like from Sion’s point of view. Yushi needs sleep. 

But somehow, by stepping forward, they are so close, too close, that Yushi can feel the Crown Prince’s breaths, in how he’s breathing out a little laugh. Yushi looks at him, seeing how he is smiling, this beautiful even up close, looking down at Yushi with his eyebrows slightly raised. 

Why is he always laughing and smiling? Nothing is ever that amusing. 

“You should just call me Sion,” Crown Prince Oh Sion says, eyes earnest, so bare, smiling, as he looks at Yushi, not moving even when they are both too close. “All those words must be a mouthful to say each time.” 

Yushi takes it as his obligation to step away instead, and Crown Prince Oh Sion makes a little noise that Yushi does not know how to decipher. 

“What?” Yushi asks shakily, even when Yushi could hear Crown Prince Oh Sion so clearly, having been that close. Could even hear the breaths he took.

Crown Prince Oh Sion smiles. 

“My name is Sion. No Crown Prince to you, you can just call me Sion. I am Sion,” Crown Prince Oh Sion says again, and he has his hand out again, just like on that canopy, and Yushi stares at it, not knowing what to do. “And you are Yushi. Can I call you that, hmm? Just that.” 

Yushi is speechless. Crown Prince Oh Sion seems to know just what to do to make him spin, spin out of control, while Yushi does not even know what to do with himself, what more what to do with Crown Prince Oh Sion.

Yushi is exhausted, at trying to figure the Crown Prince out, at his own emotions, at, and what Yushi does know is he is feeling the tiredness in his bones, seeping through. Yushi does not know what to do. 

So, Yushi does the next best thing. 

Once again, Yushi does not take Sion's hand. 

Yushi says instead: “Do whatever the hell you want, Crown Prince Oh Sion.” 

Yushi then enters his chambers, and slams the door on the Crown Prince’s face. 

Yushi can hear the Crown Prince’s laugh even through the golden door. 

⚔︎