Archive of Our Own

Kai messed up, he knows that now. 

At the time, he honestly wasn't thinking about anything besides winning. All of the members are extremely competitive, and Kai is certainly no exception. When he heard they would be playing the pepero game on a variety show, it didn't even occur to him to be embarrassed, or worry about any predicaments with the other members. His first instinct was to find out the current record. 0.6cm? We can beat that, easy. 

On set, it quickly became clear Taehyun and Beomgyu were not going for gold. Taehyun had been casting nervous glances at the other man all day; he's the least comfortable with having his personal space invaded, especially on camera. And Beomgyu was going for entertainment, as always. That much Kai expected. Though that doesn't mean he wasn't aiming for the win necessarily, he was prioritizing being funny. Kai would never begrudge that.

But that ended up meaning that it was all down to him and Soobin. Kai assumed the other man would be just as hungry for the #1 spot as he was, but he noticed Soobin acting a little off-balance from the start. Despite the mildly apprehensive look in his eyes, every time Kai checked in Soobin gave him the go-ahead to do what needed to be done. 

So, Kai went for it. He carefully placed a hand behind Soobin's neck for leverage, then he bit along the pepero until it was as small as physically possible. He vaguely registered the feeling of something touching his lips, but he couldn't waste time thinking about that. When it became clear Soobin wasn't going to bite down anytime soon, Kai focused his efforts on using his teeth to pull at the stick, to ensure he bit off as much as he could before Soobin inevitably pulled away. 

When the older man finally stepped back, he carefully picked the pepero out of his mouth before reaching over to swat Kai's back.

“Yah! Our lips touched!” he complained, handing what remained of the stick to Yeonjun. 

“No they didn't,” Kai replied easily. It was only when he heard a staff member bark a laugh that he wavered in this conviction. 

“They didn't,” he repeated, not so certain now. 

Looking to the other members for confirmation was even more disheartening. Every face in the room Kai searched left him less sure than the last. They all looked gobsmacked and second-hand embarrassed. Many blushed and turned away when their eyes met. How did it end up looking? 

When the staff called for a short break, Kai focused hard on remembering. He briefly considered asking one of the cameramen to see a replay, but quickly decided that would be too weird. Instead, he closed his eyes, concentrating on remembering the sensations he felt at the time. His chin flush with Soobin's chin. His nose grazing Soobin's nose. His mouth on Soobin's teeth. And— yes. His lips touching Soobin’s lips. Fuck. 

Kai felt a wave of chills run across his entire body at the stark realization that he had definitely kissed Soobin on camera. If this wasn't already bad enough—and it's bad— there was another layer to the whole ordeal. 

Kai is irreparably in love with Soobin. He's pretty much always felt this way, he thinks, going back to even before they officially debuted. From the first time Soobin made an effort to talk to him all those years ago, he never stood a chance.

Kai made peace with this a long, long time ago. He never once seriously entertained the foolish idea of confessing. Too terrifying, too risky, too selfish. He couldn't let his childish crush ruin the group dynamic, that's what Kai told himself at first. Then the crush turned into puppy love, which became something all-encompassing before he knew it. Loving Soobin is as much a part of Kai as his skin and bones, he thinks.

You might've thought he would dread a game like this, one literally designed to fluster the players with the closeness. Thankfully, Kai had relentless training for this very moment. 

Truthfully, the first few years of wanting Soobin were difficult. On a few occasions he could practically feel the words on his tongue, I’m in love with you, threatening to force their way out. But one event he can point to for making him as resilient to his infatuation for Soobin as he is now has got to be the Devil By The Window choreography. 

By the time the first actual performance came around, Kai was ready. But those first few dance practices consisting of hours of repeating that move, having to bear Soobin gently cupping his chin as the choreographer gave notes like ‘look into his eyes with more want, like you would go anywhere with him’ had Kai on the brink of insanity for a bit. 

He could tell the other members knew he was in a bad mood, maybe they thought he was just struggling with the comeback as a whole. They tip-toed around him for the first few days, joking about the return of Negative Kai being imminent. 

Kai just retreated further into himself, refusing to talk about it. What was he supposed to say when they asked what was making him like this? ‘Experiencing the man-I-love-but-can't-have lift my face towards his while we stare lovingly into each other's eyes 50 times every day is making me miserable’? He couldn't even remotely explain the situation without exposing his deepest darkest secret. 

(Kai has since told Taehyun said secret, who told Kai that he has known all along and it was in no way a secret, at least to him.)

Kai got through it though—a miracle in his opinion. Eventually he became desensitized, thank God, and was able to shut his brain off and let his body move on sheer muscle memory. The members were glad to see him return to their normal happy-go-lucky Kai and, to his immense relief, they had all given up on asking what was wrong. 

Kai came out of that comeback stronger than ever, ready for anything the world (or maybe just Soobin) could throw at him. He had always been good at controlling his expressions, how his emotions displayed outwardly. He was skilled at bottling it for later, keeping it contained until he was alone. His major weakness had always been Soobin, so with his Achilles Heel dealt with Kai felt invincible. 

This new power came in very handy a couple of comebacks later when he had to watch Yeonjun and Soobin learn The Killa's choreography right before his very eyes. And that proved to be good practice for having to experience it again but tenfold with the dance for Love Language. Kai didn't have to worry about his reactions, he knew he could manage it. 

Something he absolutely was not prepared to handle was kissing Soobin. What the fuck. He'd really fucked it all up now. Did he make Soobin uncomfortable? What if this changed things between them?

As much as he wanted to spiral about that, he pushed down the panic. They had a schedule to finish before he could lose his mind. In the midst of his brain going haywire, Kai felt a prick of guilt for essentially gaslighting Soobin about the whole thing. He should probably set that right, especially since the truth would be undeniable once it aired. 

He reluctantly trailed over to the older man. “Hyung, they did touch…” he admitted. Kai was about to apologize, but Soobin just laughed, slapping his shoulder. 

“Obviously! You're the last person to know, Hueningie.” 

His tone was lighthearted, and Kai resolved that Soobin wasn't upset with him. He took a breath, raring to go when they called the members back to set. Kai was excited to hear the measurement, he was certain they had won. He couldn't imagine any other idols going as far as they did. We literally kissed. Beat that. 

“Wow, it's exactly 1cm,” Yeonjun announced, ruler in hand.

Kai was just about to voice his disappointment when Soobin spoke, audibly excited about achieving second place. Kai accepted his high-five. He wouldn't want to rain on Soobin's parade, and second place is definitely nothing to sniff at. Kai was just happy his hyung was happy. 

When it was time to play with Yeonjun, the eldest sauntered over, pepero stick balanced confidently between his teeth. He was playing up his bold and flirty persona, but this didn't deter Kai. He knows the true personality behind all of that.

Countless times over the years he's known Yeonjun, Kai has witnessed how every time someone flirts back, Yeonjun loses his cool immediately. Folds like a lawn chair. This left Kai with very little faith in their ability to beat the record. 

As expected, Yeonjun panicked as soon as Kai took his first bite. He pushed him back by the forehead, practically running to put distance between them.

It had happened too fast for Kai to be aware of, but as he chewed the remaining pieces of the stick in his mouth, Yeonjun confirmed their bottom lips touched. Kai wasn't as fazed as he probably should've been. Apparently kissing his members is just a thing that happens now. He didn't have the bandwidth to add this onto his imminent freak-out. 

Kai didn't notice any weird vibes from anyone as they wrapped filming for the day and drove home. To be fair, he was probably a little mentally preoccupied. It's not easy to be stuck in your head when that head is screaming ‘ YOU KISSED SOOBIN AND IT WAS IN 4K FOR THE WORLD TO SEE’ on a loop.

So, he doesn't sense any strangeness until him and Soobin the last two members left in the living room, the TV a barely audible hum in the background. The others all went out to the gym, wanting to get in some last minute work-outs before bed. Kai and Soobin, on the other hand, both agreed that sounded like the last thing they wanted to do, finalizing the camaraderie with another high-five. 

Since then, a couple hours have passed with them mostly scrolling mindlessly on their phones in silence. Kai doesnt think it's tense, but then again he's focusing pretty hard on using Cookie Run to avoid letting a single coherent thought occur. That is, until Soobin breaks the quiet.

He clears his throat. “So…how was it?”

“Huh?” Kai pries his gaze up from the game on his phone to the older man, his expression unreadable.

“Your kiss with Yeonjun.” Soobin's voice is teasing, but lacking the usual warmth. He’s chewing on his lower lip, one leg bouncing restlessly.

Kai raises an eyebrow. “Kiss?” 

“What, your lips didn’t touch?” 

“I mean— for like, a millisecond, but that hardly counts as a kiss.”

Soobin huffs a humorless laugh, clearly unconvinced. “Yeonjun seems to think it counts.” 

His accusatory tone doesn't add up to Kai. He wracks his brain for an explanation, but draws a blank. 

“What's your point?” Kai internally winces at how defensive he sounded. He can't help but feel antsy, unsure if Soobin is mad at him or not. 

“Well…did you enjoy it? Kissing him?”

Kai pushes down the urge to roll his eyes at Soobin insisting on referring to what happened as a kiss. Always so stubborn. 

Kai sighs. “I don't know, hyung. It was so short, I can't even remember what I was thinking at the time.” 

“But was it…y'know…better than ours?” Soobin won't meet his eyes, fiddling with the hem of his sleeve.

Kai blinks. 

“That's what this is about?” He feels incredulous. All of this stems from competitiveness? Where was that spirit during the actual competition?

“No— it's just— I made our kiss suck, right? Your lips were touching my teeth.” Soobin pulls a face, seeming to relive the memory. 

“It wasn't supposed to be a kiss, hyung.”

“I know that! You made it one!” Soobin sits up straighter, gesturing with his hands frantically, like he does when he's getting passionate in an argument. Endearment tugs at Kai’s lips. 

“It was a game. It doesn't matter how the kiss was, because it was just incidental to us beating the record. Which we would've done if you actually bit down, by the way.” Kai leans into antagonizing him, enjoying how riled up Soobin is getting. It's cute, and maybe this angle will get the truth out of him. 

“Maybe I would've remembered if you weren't so—” Soobin flushes. “How was I supposed to stay focused in a situation like that? The fact you did is weirder!” 

Kai just laughs. 

“But that's not the point.” Soobin attempts to compose himself. “The point is: was it awful? Kissing my teeth?” 

Kai wants to joke again, or brush it off, but it's become clear Soobin is not letting this go anytime soon. The fastest way out is through. He has to dignify this with a response.

He makes a show of pausing to think for a second. 

“I guess it would've been better if your teeth weren't so involved, but that didn't matter for the game. I mean, I was pretty focused on making the pepero as small as possible, if you couldn't tell.”

Kai was aiming for a laugh—or at least an exhale of breath—but Soobin remains serious.

“So you agree! It was bad, and it was my fault that it was bad.” Soobin sits back, folding his arms as if he got what he wanted. 

Kai’s growing impatient. It feels like Soobin is speaking a different language. He still has no clue where the other man going with this. 

“Soobin-hyung, who cares?” 

Soobin openly pouts, frustrated not only by what he's saying, but also the fact Kai isn't getting it. 

“Well— it just sucks that that was our kiss, you know? Our only kiss will always be a mess of your lips on my teeth.” 

Now that stops Kai in his tracks. Our only kiss. Is he crazy, or does that imply Soobin wants there to be more? An idea comes to mind, far too insane to actually posit. But Kai’s sleep deprived brain latches onto it, and before he knows it he's speaking.

“Who says it has to be our only kiss?” Kai offers, attempting to sound nonchalant. To seal the deal, he taps the game on his phone pointlessly a few times, as if he doesn't care either way. It's also a good excuse to avoid eye contact, killing two birds with one stone and all that.

Soobin audibly falters. “What do you mean?” 

“Like, if this is really bothering you we could have a do-over. Kiss one more time, really make it count. Would that ease your mind?”

Soobin’s eyes flick away, licking his lips lightly as he considers. His immediate reaction wasn't laughter or disgust, which surprises Kai.

After a moment, Soobin nods tentatively. “It’s not a bad idea. You'd really be okay with that?”

“Did I seem like I wasn't okay with it earlier?” Kai jokes. This time, he gets the laugh he was going for. 

Soobin shakes his head in disbelief. “Point taken. You were so eager  if I didn't know any better I might've thought you wanted our lips to touch.”

Kai chuckles nervously. “What I wanted was first place.” 

“Right, right,” Soobin drones sarcastically, eyes twinkling. He casually shifts across the couch, closing the space between them. 

Kai startles a little, cheeks warming at the implication of what's to come. 

“Shouldn't we move somewhere else? What if the others come in?” His voice sounds small to his own ears. 

Soobin doesn't seem to bother. “What, you don't want them to see? That didn't seem to be a problem for you earlier.” He grins at Kai's obvious discomfort.

“Hyunggg,” Kai whines. “That wasn't intentionally a kiss. This is different.”

Soobin's breath catches ever so slightly, though Kai doesn't understand why. Soobin swallows, eyes round.

“It'll be quick, I promise.” 

Kai wonders if he looks as disappointed as he feels. Soobin leans closer, placing his arms around his neck. It mirrors Kai’s pose from earlier, and all at once it hits home just how much the tables have turned.

“Should I stay still?” Kai asks, wondering if the pose was to imply he should take on Soobin's role in their ‘kiss’ during the game.

“No, no.” Soobin shakes his head quickly. “Just…be normal.”

Kai decides not to voice that he has no idea what that would entail. 

Soobin is so close now, and this time Kai is present, indulging in every moment. This is probably his only chance to actually kiss the love of his life, so he's determined to savor the privilege he is about to receive.

“Now?” Soobin questions, only centimeters away.

Kai responds by closing the gap completely, pressing their lips together. The action comes off a little more urgent than he intended, but Soobin relaxes into him before he can worry. One hand comes to cup Kai's cheek, the touch so unbearably delicate Kai can't help but feel warm and taken care of. 

His hands find Soobin's waist, giving in to an impulse he’s resisted for years. He revels in being able to hold Soobin like this, kiss him as if they're more than they actually are. 

Soobin’s hand on Kai’s cheek moves up, carding his fingers through his hair to move it fully out of his face. Kai absentmindedly recalls all the times the older man has commented on how good he looks with his hair pushed back. He smirks into the kiss, filing that information for later. Wait, later? What is he thinking? This is never going to happen again. 

Kai suddenly becomes extremely aware of how long they've been kissing and—fearing he's overstaying his welcome—he breaks the kiss. Soobin chases his lips without a moment's thought, pulling him back in by his waist. Kai is curious if spontaneous combustion should be a valid concern, because it feels more possible than ever right now.

Soobin’s hand on his waist keeps tugging, gently but persistently. It confused Kai at first, but he smiles into the kiss when he realizes what the other man asking for. 

He’s only just swung a leg over Soobin’s body, sitting squarely in his lap, when they both hear the keys turning in the door. 

Both of them freeze for what feels like an eternity, but the sound of the door handle springs Kai into action.

He throws himself as far from Soobin as possible, only just landing on the other side of the couch as the rest of the members join them in the living room.

It's immediately obvious from the way the three of them stop, all wearing similar strange expressions, that Kai and Soobin have not played it cool. At all.

Kai finds he's made of stone, entirely unable to turn and see how Soobin is holding up. He has never heard silence this loud.

“Uhh…hi,” Beomgyu breaks the atmosphere awkwardly. “We brought food. If you want any…” 

He trails off, and the excruciating quiet returns. Kai uses every ounce of willpower in his body to clear his throat. 

“Thanks, yeah.” 

“Were you guys—” Taehyun starts, but he's swiftly interrupted by Soobin blurting loudly, “I'm going to bed! Goodnight!” 

Soobin stands, bows his head, and flees to his bedroom. Seems like it's up to Kai to save face with the members. 

He eats with them, and nobody mentions his and Soobin's undeniably weird behaviour. Thankfully, it seems they're all tired from the workout after a full day of schedules. Plus, they can probably tell getting into it would be a whole thing. Kai isn’t naive enough to believe he won't be hearing about it from Taehyun whenever the other man decides it's appropriate, though. 

-

The time comes a few days later, when Kai is at the end of his tether. Every spare moment since their kiss, Soobin has been diligently avoiding him. Sure, Kai hasn't tried too hard to corner him, wanting to give Soobin space if he needs it. But still, it stings. 

Kai is starting to regret the whole thing, big time. He never would've suggested what he did if he knew it would result in this. They've had their rough patches before, awkwardness and arguments, that have caused some tension for a while. But they were always resolved pretty quickly, and Soobin had never ever shut him out for this long. Kai has begun to panic about it. What if Soobin picked up on how eager he was, figured out Kai’s true feelings? Is he upset, disgusted even? 

When Taehyun finally points out the elephant in the room, Kai has been agitated all day. 

“So, what happened with Soobin?” Direct and to the point. Kai has always respected this about Taehyun.

“We kissed.” Kai knows there's no point in lying. He always tells him the truth eventually, might as well be now. 

Taehyun doesn't seem shocked, but he smiles widely, patting him on the back. “That's great! I'm happy for you, Hueningie.” 

Kai can't bring himself to return the smile. “Yeah…”

Taehyun frowns. “Haven't you wanted this for, like, ever? Why aren't you happy? Was the kiss bad?” 

This gets a rise out of Kai, who sputters at the accusation. 

“No!” he bursts, a little too loudly. “No. It— it was amazing. The best, actually.”

“Then what's the problem?”

Kai sighs. “He's been avoiding me ever since it happened. He must regret it, or something.”

He only feels more miserable when he sees Taehyun’s stormy expression. The last thing he needs is his best friend coming down on Soobin like the hammer of Thor.

“Please don't say anything to him,” Kai pleads. “At least for now. I want to handle this.”

Taehyun nods. “Okay. But if you need me, I'm here. You know that.” 

“I know.” Kai slumps down. “Ugh. I'm starting to wish I never suggested we kiss.”

Taehyun pauses. “What do you mean you suggested it?”

-

Apparently when in a fight-or-flight situation, Soobin's body will choose flight every time. He knows this about himself now. 

He's been learning a lot of new things about himself lately. For example, a couple of months ago he found out that he is head-over-heels in love with Kai. It's obvious in hindsight that he has probably felt this way for a long time, but he only had the epiphany quite recently. 

He hadn't yet decided what to do with this information when they were informed about the pepero game. Initially, Soobin wasn't too perturbed. I mean, what were the chances he'd get paired with Kai, right?

Apparently very high. The variety gods wanted him dead, it seemed, and that only became worse when Kai's lips touched his in front of everyone.

Soobin was suitably flustered, to say the least. And…maybe it's crazy, but what happened gave him a weird sense of hope. If Kai was willing to practically kiss him, is it unreasonable for him to wonder if he feels the same? At least he now knows Kai definitely isn't against the idea of Soobin’s lips on his own, and just that simple fact sent Soobin reeling. 

His hope was stopped dead in its tracks a mere few minutes later when Kai played with Yeonjun. He was just as forthcoming, his bottom lip even grazing Yeonjun's before the older man pushed him away. 

Maybe the way he acted with Soobin wasn’t indicative of any underlying feelings. He basically did the exact same thing with Yeonjun. Was Soobin just imagining that the vibe was different? He turned the memories over and over in his head, deep in thought the entire way home. 

When he expressed his concerns to Kai, it ending in them almost making out was not the intention, but Soobin certainly wasn't going to complain. If Kai was open to kissing him more, that's a good sign, right? He thought it would be an opportunity to see if he could sense how the other man feels, had hoped the proximity would reveal something he wouldn't have spotted from his usual distance. 

Instead, he got a little carried away. He can admit that. Kissing Kai was nothing short of addictive, and Soobin greedily took everything that he was granted. And then some. 

He had Kai in his lap. There's no universe in which Soobin is capable of being normal about that. Every time Soobin tries to imagine what might've followed if the others hadn't interrupted, he blushes furiously. 

The aftermath made something abundantly clear: Soobin cannot act like this never happened. He has to confess, he's decided. The issue is, he doesn't know what to say yet. He feels terrible evading Kai every day, but he needs time to get his thoughts in order. If he ends up in a situation where he has to divulge his feelings unexpectedly, there is a good chance he would fuck it all up. 

Soobin cannot risk saying the wrong thing and ruining his relationship with Kai for good. He dug through his desk, searching for something to write in. Eventually, he settled on a spiral notebook with a cartoon bunny on the cover he bought in Japan. Every night Soobin has filled pages and pages of it, trying to piece together some sort of confession. Something that will give Kai all the information, but keep their friendship intact if he doesn't return Soobin’s feelings. No big deal.

-

After almost two weeks of Soobin hardly looking in his direction, Kai takes matters into his own hands. He considers a lot of different plans, ranging drastically in how elaborate they are, but ultimately he decides on something very simple.

At the end of the day when Soobin announces to the team that he's turning in for the night, Kai follows close behind, keeping his footsteps featherlight. Years of dance training makes this an easy feat. He stays in Soobin's shadow all the way into his bedroom, only busted once the man in question turns around to close the door.

“Ahh!” Soobin yelps, staggering back a few steps. 

Kai calmly shuts the door behind them himself, stepping securely into the room. He's quietly confident, sure his plan will work.

“Kai-yah…” Soobin gulps.

“Soobin-hyung,” Kai starts. “You're avoiding me.”

Soobin opens his mouth to deny it, but Kai holds a hand up, shutting him down. “Please don’t lie. Obviously I did something wrong. Tell me what it is so I can apologize.”

“You did nothing wrong, I promise.” Soobin's heart-shaped lips are downturned, eyes sad. 

Kai frowns. “How long are you going to do this, hyung? We can't work like this forever. The group won't last. I won’t last.” 

“It's the truth!” Soobin runs a hand over his face. “It's— there's nothing.”

Kai lets out a deep, long sigh. He really didn't want to do this. “Okay, if you don't tell me the reason you're acting like this, I'm going to walk out there and tell the members we kissed.”

Soobin coughs, his face a picture of pure panic. “They were all there, they saw it…”

“You know that's not what I mean.”

“You— you wouldn't,” Soobin says, not sounding like he believes it himself.

“Taehyun already knows.” Kai feels a tiny smirk work it's way onto his face at how Soobin responds to this mic drop. He has the upper hand, and they both know it.

Soobin stands there as if glued to the spot, stricken with a clear internal conflict Kai still isn't privy to. When the silence stretches long enough, Kai moves to turn away, towards the door.

“No!” Soobin yelps, flinging a hand out in Kai’s direction, falling just short of touching his arm. That only makes Kai more frustrated. 

“Just— wait. Please. I'll tell you, okay. I just— I really wanted more time.” Soobin’s eyes flit momentarily to a notebook on his desk that Kai hadn't noticed until now. When their eyes meet again, Soobin is visibly regretful.

“What's that?” Kai urges, immediately clocking that it must be related in some way. 

“It's nothing!” Soobin rushes, stepping to one side in an attempt to block Kai’s view, as if that will make him forget all about it. 

Kai almost fires back ‘ obviously it's something’, but a sudden hurt stops him in his tracks. He's never been here with Soobin, never had to cope with him blatantly lying to his face about something important. 

“Since when do we keep secrets from each other?” His voice cracks a little, throat growing tight. 

Kai knows he isn't playing fair, that of course Soobin has a right not to tell him everything, and maybe it's unreasonable for him to be on the verge of tears right now. But two weeks of hell have worn him down, and he's honestly not above begging on his knees if all else fails. He just needs his friend back. 

“Hueningie…” Soobin steps into his space, finally touching him, placing comforting hands on his crossed arms. 

“I'm sorry. I've just been trying to find a way to tell you that…” Soobin takes a deep breath. “I'm in love with you. I was trying to make sure I didn't fuck it up, but it looks like I already have.” His words shake, voice thick with emotion.

Kai blinks. What. 

Soobin continues, “I know it was wrong of me to agree to kiss you when you suggested it. I shouldn't have taken advantage of your kindness like that. It was a moment of weakness and it won’t happen again, I swear.”

The absurdity of that statement brings Kai to his senses.

“What if I want it to happen again?” He channels all of his boldness, needing Soobin to understand quick.

That snaps Soobin out of his rambling. There is an awfully long pause, where Kai considers taking it all back.

“You— would you want to?” Soobin squeaks, cheeks red as Kai has ever seen them.

Kai hesitates. Not because he doesn't want to kiss Soobin, God knows he does, but because he needs to know more first. Verify that this is real, before he can get lost in it.

“Do you really feel that way? You're not just confused because of…y'know, what happened during the game?” His face heats at how silly his own words sound, but he doesn't take it back.

Soobin laughs lightly. “You wound me, Kai-yah. I've known that I love you since before we ever played that stupid game. Please believe me so I don't have to show you my embarrassing confession notes.” 

Kai grins. “Fine, I believe you. But you're definitely showing me the notebook. It's only fair payment for what you put me through the past couple of weeks.” 

He meant it lightly, but Soobin’s eyebrows still draw together.

“I hurt you. I really am so sorry.”

“Shhh. None of that. I forgive you, because in case I haven't made it obvious yet, I've been in love with you since the very beginning.”

Soobin beams. 

“The beginning? Like, even pre-debut? I was such a loser.”

Kai rolls his eyes. “Yes, I wanted you even then. Stop smiling like that. Ugh, I knew you'd be insufferable about this.”

He's trying to feign annoyance by pulling back, but Soobin only pulls him closer than before, swaying with Kai in his arms. 

“You like meee,” he sing-songs, giggling like a child. “I loved you back then too, you know. Even if I didn't know the name for it at the time,” he adds, eyes so unbearably sincere Kai has to look away. 

He blushes, the weight of their confessions finally hitting him. Kai buries his face in Soobin's shoulder, needing to take a break from all the vulnerability that just happened. 

“I missed you…” Kai mumbles, barely audible.

“I missed you too,” Soobin breathes, threading his fingers through Kai's blonde locks.

The younger man lifts his head, meeting Soobin's eyes seriously. “If you don't kiss me I swear—”

Soobin leans down, melting their lips together. The kiss is in stark contrast to their previous ones. It's slower, more deliberate. Before Kai can really get into it though, Soobin abruptly pulls back.

“Wait! I forgot to ask you to be my boyfriend first.”

How is he so effortlessly cute? Kai dissolves into laughter, poking Soobin's dimple when he pouts in response.

“I'm serious,” he grumbles.

Kai collects himself. “Of course I'll be your boyfriend, you idiot. Can we keep kissing now?” 

Soobin smiles shyly, but hesitates. “Actually…there's one more thing. Don't laugh.” 

He moves over to his desk, passing over the notebook to reach into one of the drawers. He pulls out a very familiar looking box, concealing it behind his back as he returns to where Kai is waiting. 

Soobin pauses momentarily to giggle with embarrassment at his own dramatics, then reveals the box of pocky sticks with a flair. 

“Think we can make a new record this time?”