Chapter Text
The Elyza Lex Chronicles of Amazingness (According to Elyza Lex)
Chapter 1
Life is about more than just surviving. Right? I repeated the words in my head over and over and over, but I couldn’t remember where they had come from. Not that it mattered, considering the circumstances. How was one supposed to do more than survive in the literal zombie apocalypse anyways?
Well, not to brag or anything, but I did my best.
If life is about more than just surviving, what better way to ride out the apocalypse than as a super dope, motorcycle-riding zombie-slayer?
I’m working on my theme song, just in case the world gets put back together and I need to compete with other people to sell my story rights to a movie producer. I feel as though it would really help my case. I’ve also been carrying around a battery-powered video camera to get real-life footage of my awesome exploits.
“I’m Elyyyyyyyza, Elyza Lex! I’m surviving, surviving, the best!”
Unfortunately, my singing scares people away and brings the mouth-breathers in. It’s as though I actually sound like a dying animal, because they come like vultures. It’s no biggie, though, because you can hear them breathing and moaning from a mile away, so it’s not like they can get me or anything.
Until, one day, a girl brought me a whole army of them as a sweet-hearted housewarming gift.
I first saw her coming from a far off, from where I had duct-taped a lawnchair to the top of a broken-down truck. I probably looked comedic to her- reclining under an umbrella with sunglasses on my face and a drink in my hand in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. She was still several blocks away, managing a good two, three blocks or so lead on the horde, so I decided to get out my camera.
I was only filming for a few seconds when I decided I better get ready to help, so I kept filming while closing the umbrella, putting on my leather jacket- when suddenly, the girl collapsed, and I panicked, dropping the camera where I stood.
I disregarded my helmet and my bag, jumping on my bike and kickstarting it so quickly my knee popped unpleasantly, speeding towards the horde before I realized I had no idea how to save her if she wasn’t conscious enough to hold on.
“HEY!! YOU!! GET UP, I NEED YOU TO GET UP!” I shouted into the wind, but the words were thrown back into my mouth.
“Bugger, you wankers.” I pulled up next to her when the first of the mouth-breathers was only 20 feet away.
“GET UP, I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME.”
The girl on the ground looked up, and her green eyes pierced the panic in my heart, igniting it into a fury.
“Please get on.”
“Well, since you said please.”
“You can snark right now, really?” I was relieved when her arms circled around me.
“You can handle it, Miss Recliner.”
“Oh yeah?” I smirked, emboldened by her embrace, “My name is Elyza, and I’d like to see you handle this.” I gunned the bike, screeching away moments before the Elyza Lex Chronicles of Awesomeness would have ended before they had had a chance to truly begin.
When we got back to my outpost, I braked, killing the engine.
“What?!” The beautiful girl riding behind me shrieked, her grip tightening in a not altogether unpleasant way that prevented my getting off, “Why are we stopping?!”
“Do you trust me?” I asked her, twisting to look her in the eyes.
“I do trust you, Elyza.”
“Good. Then come on.” I led her off the bike, and into the bed of the truck, trying not to focus on the fact that she had let me hold her hand. I opened a cooler and dug through it, finding my extra bottle of lemonade.
“Lemonade?” I offered it to her. She took it from me more out of surprise than actual desire for the lemonade, I think, because then she asked me, “Please tell me we didn’t stop for this lemonade.”
“Something wrong with me wanting to get a pretty gal like you a drink?” I couldn’t help but flirt, dragging out her cluelessness even as I held the detonator in my hand.
“Yes, actually, since we are being pursued by hundred of creatures that want to eat us!”
“Relax, Gorgeous. I won’t let them eat you. Check this out.” I brought out my awesome shiny toy, showing off.
“This is Big D. He’s been my sidekick thus far on the Elyza Lex Chronicles of Awesomeness, and now you, you lucky girl, get to see him in action.”
“Is that a detonator? Is that why we stopped?”
“Yes, Big D is a detonator.” I sighed, Why’d she have to ask so many questions and interrupt my speech for, anyhow?
“I stole him from the army that was stationed here a month or so ago. Him and his friends, that is.” I gestured at the street.
“What friends?”
“Oh, they’ll make themselves known. It’s time to blow these suckers.”
“Together?”
“Together.”
On the screen of the then-forgotten video camera I had dropped to the ground, the world burst into color- hues of red, red, yellow, orange, red, and more red, the zombies burst into flames.
“Were Big D’s friends the bombs?” The girl rolled her eyes at me, smiling.
“Yes.” I was defensive, but also too distracted by the fact that our hands were still connected on the remote to come up with a better answer.
“Aren’t you the creative one?” She withdrew her hand, drawing it through her hair in an exhausted sort of way.
“I thought I was more of the romantic type. Roses are red, Violets are blue, Zombies burn red in a beautiful hue.”
“Oh, so romantic.” Maybe it was the fire down the street, or maybe it was the fire in her heart that colored her cheeks red in a totally endearing way. However, it was that endearing flush that reminded me that she had just collapsed, and made me worry about her.
“It’s rude to deny a drink a hot girl like myself gets for you, by the way. Especially after you collapsed and scared her half to death and she worries about your health.”
“Are you a hot girl? I thought your name was Elyza.” The girl commented with far more sass and emphasis than her jumbled words backed up.
“The two aren’t mutually exclusive, you know, and I must confess that your comeback makes no sense to me. What’s your name, anyhow?”
“Oh, I’m Alicia. Alicia Clark.”
“Drink the lemonade, Alicia.”