Chapter Text
And Iida let out a heavy breath
Sounds of loud beeps echoed his mind as his blurry vision tried to make up the figures above him. He could hear faint voices.
His eyes squint, not being able to see correctly due to the loss of his glasses. Iida attempts to move his head towards what seems to be a door.
My body hurts….
Attempting to operate his arms was a struggle. Iida’s mind spins with utter pain and memories he dared not to forget.
You fake heroes never learn!
You’ve been very bad haven’t you? You killed Izuku
You make me sick, you know that?
You betrayed someone who would lay down his life for you
No one will save you
You deserve this…
He felt his heart pound his chest like it wanted to escape. He tries to sit up from the bed he was lying down in.
I don’t wanna breathe…Why am I breathing?
Bang, the door opens suddenly, making Iida flinch away his thoughts. The new figures emerged and he could recognize their voices. As they approached, their faces turned clearer.
“Tenya! Are you okay?!” His mother’s voice rings Tenya’s ears, her lips quivering with desperation for her youngest son.
The nurses told her that Tenya’s injuries won't cause permanent damage but he will have to stay in the hospital for a week.
Iida’s dad lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, possibly trying to seem as calm and collected in the midst of panic and unease.
You never deserved their concerns
Tensei gets close and wraps his arms around Tenya, Tenya hugging him back unexpectedly tight, not wanting to let go of his brother.
The nurses tell them that Tenya needs rest. Tensei leans into his face. “We are all very worried about you bro. Just please tell us if anything is wrong, ok?” Tenya could feel their foreheads touch gently
Tenya stares at his family, who are looking at him with a relieved smile. “I’m alright, thank you for your concern brother” The older brother gives a small smile as he and his parents quietly exit the room, his mother removing her glasses to wipe away teardrops that escaped.
Tenya was left alone to contemplate the realisation that he was breathing.
—------------
Two days go by and Iida gets a visit by Aizawa, who brought some onigiri for him. Iida is perplexed by this.
“Good to see that you're recovering from your injuries” Aizawa places the food on the table as he sits down. “Did you tell the police officars what happened?”
“Yes…Although I don’t quite remember how I survived” Iida picks up the onigiri from the table, taking a small bite. “Well at least you're alive Iida, that's the most important thing”
You don’t deserve to be alive
Iida avoids his Sensei’s eyes, scared to see the face that saw what he did as Aizawa’s most trusted class president
Aizawa exhales “I’ve had a talk with your parents and it seems like you’ve told them that you wanted to not only move to another school, but to leave hero training entirely, is that correct?”
Iida looks down at the onigiri in his hands, barely eaten “Y-yes Sensei…That's what I told them”
Aizawa looks at him with a concerned expression “I’ve also had a talk with your brother. You’ve had this dream since you were young. And even though I would say that whatever you did was not heroic, I’d have to admit, you had at least your classmates' safety in mind.”
You didn’t have Midoriya’s safety in mind, Now he’s dead and its all your fault
“Which is why I have a proposal Tenya Iida” Iida glances at him with curiosity as Aizawa speaks calmly
“I want you to stay not just a UA student, but a part of my class for at least a whole month. Once it's over, you get to decide if you really wanted to leave or if you changed your mind. If you want, you can still choose to continue your hero studies but maybe not in UA. But that depends on your decision”
Iida looks at Aizawa with wide eyes. Is he really giving him a second chance? After all the awful and disgusting things he did?
“S-sensei you're serious? Are you giving me a second chance? But why?” His mind raced for a reason, for some sort of rationality in his Sensei’s words
“I was the reason why Midoriya died. What makes you think that you can give me another chance?” Iida so desperately asks.
Aizawa’s expression changes, looking not just serious, but somber “Iida, I may still be very disappointed in what you did and I still wish that never happened. What you did was reckless and very selfish. I know that we cannot reverse the damage caused. I…” Aizawa trails off, his eyebrows flinching in notion.
Iida is shocked to not hear his Sensei’s usual monotone talk. Normally, he would talk to him about what plans he has or what he wants Iida to do.
He could tell from the way that he’s speaking and looking at him that this was something very personal to him.
“A long time ago, I was your age, Iida. I wanted to become a hero with my friends. But unfortunately, an accident happened. I had this one friend who really wanted to be a hero.”
“One day, during hero training, something happened that caused a part of a building to fall. It hit him, I was there… He died on impact…I blamed myself for a long time.”
Iida couldn’t comprehend what his Sensei confided to him “S-sensei, I’m so sorry for your lost…I didn't know-” Aizawa cuts him off
“The reason why I’m saying this is because…I can somewhat understand what you're going through. It may not be the same, but I can understand what you're feeling right now” Aizawa places a gentle hand on Iida’s shoulder.
Does he?... Iida asks himself, guilt hitting him like a bullet. It wasn't directly his fault and I-
Aizawa’s voice cut his thoughts
“Let me ask you this, do you think Midoriya would want you to give up on being a hero? No, he would want you to continue being who you’ve wanted to be. As long as you’ve completely understood what went wrong, and that you’ve learned from your mistake, you can still be a hero. I know you can”
“You need to accept yourself as much as I did” Aizawa says genuinely, which made Iida almost shed tears right there..
What would Midoriya think?...Would I still make a good hero?
Iida stares at his Sensei and tries to find the words to speak “I accept the proposal Sensei, I’ll go back to UA”
Aizawa gets up “You’ll be going back to UA once you're discharged from the hospital in a week” He slowly moves to the door.
“Sensei…my classmates” Iida let the words hang in the air
“Oh right…your classmates” Aizawa starts, his dark figure looking away from Iida as he faces the door “Their emotions are valid but as long as you try to talk to them and apologise then maybe they’ll listen”
The thought of seeing his classmates once again after what felt like eternity, sends shivers down Iida’s spine.
—---------
Iida was shocked to hear that he was being discharged earlier than he expected. As he enters the car that was leading him back to UA all he could do is look at the night sky and recall what happened these past few weeks.
They all hate me He thought, but some part of him was hoping that they’d be at least sympathetic towards him-
They are right to hate you, you never once did deserve their sympathy or kindness, ever
He thought of each one of them, Ojiro, Kaminari, Shinsou, Koda, Jirou, Sato, Shoji, Yaoyorozu, Sero, Hagakure, Kirishima, Tsuyu, Ashido, Uraraka, Bakugou, Tokoyami, Todoroki-
Todoroki…
He thought of Todoroki, will he talk to him? Maybe things will go back to normal-
Nothing will be normal without Midoriya around. They’ll never forgive you
Iida tries to imagine a class without Midoriya present. Even if everything were to turn back the way that it was, there will always be a missing piece that Midoriya filled before.
The car screech stopped his thoughts as he looked out of his window to not only see the front gate of UA, but also Aizawa standing there waiting. Iida stared at him, stunned.
“You didn't have to wait and walk with me Sensei” Aizawa and Iida walk the pathway towards the dorms, the buildings light illuminating the paths due to it being dinner time.
“I wanted to have a short talk with you before you reunite with your classmates,” Aizawa started “As you probably already know, I haven't told your classmates of your arrival yet due to the news just reaching me.”
Iida thought of how even if Aizawa just got the news he still took the time to walk with him back to the dorms during dinner time. And now his classmates have no idea of his arrival…I wonder what they’d think…
“You will go to class tomorrow and I won't take no for an answer. And finally” Aizawa stops walking.
“How are you feeling?” They were closer to the building as Aizawa asked the question “Well…I guess I’ve been feeling confused…” Iida holds his backpack awkwardly as he speaks.
Memories of UA during those weeks come flooding in, his classmates hating him on every turn, him being discluded in any school activities, his previous friends either shunning or completely loathing him, and his peers seeing him as a villain
Because you are and always will be
Maybe things will be different?
“I hope you’ll change your mind when the time comes. You’re a great student, and I know that you’d do great as a hero in the future” Aizawa smirks as he continues walking, Iida feeling perplexed
They get close to the entrance as Aizawa stops “You go off now, I think they should be done with dinner”
Aizawa starts walking away “See you tomorrow, Iida” he waves.
Iida bowed his head and mumbled a quiet "Thank you" in response to his Sensei’s kind gesture. His heart was filled with gratitude, but his mind raced with confusion.
Iida didn't know what to think or feel. On one hand, he was grateful for the help he had received, but on the other hand he was confused about how he was supposed to make this right. He was filled with conflicting emotions.
Iida stood there for a few minutes, taking it all in that he was back. He took out his phone, 7:57…They are probably done with dinner. He writes something down on his phone.
Iida took a deep breath as he turned towards the door, his hand extending to open.
Then he overheard talking on the other side, then he heard his name. He couldn’t help but overhear his classmates muffled conversation on the other side
“Iida is coming back tomorrow or the next day” Iida could hear Yaoyorozu spoke out
“Yea, so I’ve heard” Shinsou replied, sounding tired
“Why was he kidnapped again?” Kaminari asked
“I think we all know” Tsuyu answered, sounding disappointed
“They said he was pretty injured” Ojiro replied
“Are you guys seriously feeling bad for that killer?” Tokoyami said dismissively
“I don't know… those kidnappers seemed to have only wanted to hurt him since they didn't kill him-” Uraraka was cut off by a very resentful Bakugou
“You need to get your brains checked cause it's very clear that he deserved it” The common room was now filled with confusing murmurs.
“You're telling me he deserved to be kidnapped?” Todoroki asked, sounding slightly taken aback
“Izuku was tortured and beaten…he was made to think that he was a villain…Don't you think it was fair to do the same to Iida? He is the real villain here…” Bakugou argued
“Honestly, it would have been better if they fucking killed him in the first place!” Bakugou fumed as the words echoed in everyone's minds, but no one was saying otherwise
On the other side of the door, Iida stands frozen.
He brings his hands close to his face, seeing them shake.
Why am I here? When I’m not needed?
They don't seem to want him, they never tried to say that he doesn't deserve to die.
The thoughts became louder as his heart pounds. Ringing filled his ears and before he knew it, the common room was dark and there was silence.
How long have I been standing here?...
Iida tries to come back to his senses. Wiith the voices still lingering, he slowly opens the door.
The common room is dark and empty, the dishes washed and put back into their place from the dinner earlier. But there was a silent blond boy standing in the middle of the room, his red eyes illuminated by the blue night from outside. He stares at Iida with a mix of anger and awe.
Iida felt his heart race seeing Bakugou.
“You're here early? Well what a lucky day” Bakugou said sarcastically, eyeing the bandages in Iida’s arm and head. His jaw tightens
Iida wanted to leave, he could sense danger as Bakugou took a step closer to him. Iida flinches
“Did you hear all of that? Answer me dickhead” Bakugou retorts, looking frustrated as he examines Iida’s face carefully.
Iida eyes the only yellow light in the room that leads to the stairs.
Bakugou scoffs and rolls his eyes “I still believe what I just said earlier. You make me sick”
Bakugou grabs him by the shirt. Terror overtook Iida’s face.
“Go back to your room you fucking murderer, you’d not want to stay here for long” Bakugou threatens
He lets go of Iida’s shirt as he stomps to look away from him. Iida fixes his shirt. Bakugou left alone with his thoughts as Iida goes to the stairs
He’s right, everything he said was right
He approaches his room. Careful not to make a sound, he opens the door. The room was left like it was. Frankly, Iida is surprised that no one decided to vandalise or even leave some sort of message for him.
As he closes the door, he looks down and sees how pale his hands were. He puts his hands in his face as he drops to the floor. Feeling the tears start to form, sobs escaped his mouth as his vision got blurry.
You’re not welcome
He pulls his knees close to his chest. He tries to breathe but hiccups were heard as thoughts flood his mind, most foggy but some were loud, very very loud.
You don't deserve to be alive
He slaps himself, either to stop himself from crying or to punish himself, he didn't know. All he knew is that he was tired of thinking.
Just die
He wants to yell, but only muffled sobs come out as his hands claw at his head, smacking it in order to quiet the noises in his head. It made it worse
IF THEY WANT YOU DEAD SO MUCH, DO IT YOUSELF COWARD
I’m so tired, I don't want to think anymore
He quietly gets up and hastily sits on his desk. Quiet sobs were the only sounds heard in the dark room. His desk was filled with unfinished letters to those who he was supposed to give too.
It's because of him, it's all his fault. He does not deserve the Ingenium name, he didn’t deserve his friends, he doesnt deserve this school, he doesn't deserve his family, he doesn't deserve kindness, empathy or respect. Heck, he never deserved to be friends with Midoriya in the first place
An echo caught his train of thoughts
Just die, then things will be better without you
M-Midoriya?
He’s going crazy…
He picks up his phone, his head still hurting. He opens his calendar app and sees what he marked the end of the month earlier
“Stay in UA”
He deletes it and types something new
“Death”