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Darry never really thought he'd make it out of Tulsa. Sure, he had some hope with football and keeping his grades up, hoping and wishing every day for a scholarship big enough to send him somewhere, but it didn't happen. He could have gone to the community college in Tulsa, but that wasn't what he wanted, and it was more useful for him to work to help his parents out anyway.
That was Darry's plan, to work his life away in Tulsa so maybe his brothers could have a better chance than he had. But one night, just a few before Paul Holden, his best friend for as long as Darry could remember and something more now, left for college in New York, they were at their spot just off the main road outside of town, lying on the hood of Paul's car with their fingers interlaced between them staring up at the stars. There was a lull in their conversation, and Darry could feel Paul's gaze on his face as he kept his up at the stars. Paul brought his hand up to gently brush his hair off his forehead and took a deep breath, “Come with me,” Paul had whispered in his ear. Darry turned to look at him.
“What?” Darry said.
“Come with me,” a faint smile had made its way across Paul's face, “to New York. Come with me,” Darry hadn't known what to say he just kept looking at Paul, seeing if he could find any trace of a lie in the familiar lines of Paul's face, but all he could find was honesty and love.
“But my brothers, the gang, my parents. I can't just leave them!” Darry sat up, he couldn't keep looking Paul in the face if he wanted to think rationally about this, “I can't just drop everything and go!” Darry wasn't mad at Paul, he just didn't know what to do because the fact that he wanted to go, the fact he wanted to drop everything and go with Paul terrified him.
“Why not?” Paul said simply, “You can still call and write them,” Paul said as he sat up too. He was quiet for a second as he finally brought his gaze away from Darry, staring out at the grassy field expanding in front of them. “You and I both know we can't ever be happy here,” Paul had nearly whispered. Darry knew he was right. Tulsa was too small, if anyone had ever found out about them? Darry didn't even want to think about it. But in a place like New York City? They would be able to hide, maybe they could even find someone who'd accept them. Darry knew then that he loves his friends and his family, and he loves his brothers so much, but he doesn't think he can put them before giving himself a chance at being happy. Being in Tulsa feels like he is slowly being suffocated and it's only a matter of time before he can't take it anymore. Darry moved his gaze back to focus on Paul's face, seeing the fear in his eyes as he waited for Darrys response.
“I wanna go,” Darry whispered, but Paul looked like he was still waiting for a but. Darry couldn't help the smile that spread across his face, “I'll go. I want to go with you,” Darry said, and Paul had smiled so big that Darry couldn't do anything but kiss him and think everything would be okay.
—
Darry had three days before he finally left Tulsa with Paul. He spent most of the first day trying to figure out how to tell his mom that he was leaving. It was finally after his brothers and dad went to bed and his mom was still sitting at the kitchen table with some papers in front of her that Darry told her. He sat at the table next to her and waited until she had pushed her things away from her and focused all her attention on her oldest son. Darry kept his gaze on his lap, unable to look up at her as he spoke, “I'm leaving,” He mumbled.
“What?” His mom had said, and Darry didn't know if she hadn't heard, or if she didn't want it to be true.
“I'm leaving,” he said a little louder, still keeping his gaze on his lap. His mother was quiet for a moment.
“You're leaving?” His mom had repeated, and Darry could hear the confusion in her voice, so he kept going.
“I'm going with Paul, to New York,” Darry said, and even though he had turned eighteen over eight months ago, he felt like a little kid as he sat there in front of his mom. She was the only one who knew about his relationship with Paul, so he thinks she knows why. His mom was silent for a long moment before she reached over and took his hand.
“When?” She simply asked.
“In two days,” He said. He still hadn't known what his mom's reaction was going to be.
“Okay,” she said as she squeezed his hand, and Darry snapped his head up.
“Okay?” He asked, and his mom just shrugged.
“I just want you to be happy. If that means you move to New York, then that's okay,” His mom said, and Darry knew she meant it. Darry didn't know how it happened, but suddenly he was crying and his mom was standing up and pulling him into her like he was just a kid again. “You have to call and write to me though, okay?” His mom said, and all Darry could do was nod against her.
—
The next day, he starts packing his things. He doesn't have much he wants to bring, so he just fills his old duffel bag with his clothes and other things he needs. He puts the framed photos on his nightstand in his bag too. There's an older picture of him with his brothers; Ponyboy's on his back and Soda is standing beside them. None of them are looking at the camera, but they're looking at each other as they laugh. There's two pictures from his graduation just a few months ago. Ones of him and Paul holding their diplomas in their graduation gowns with smiles on their faces. In the other one, he's standing in the middle with Pony and Soda under each of his arms and the rest of the gang on either side of them. There's a few others he grabs and wraps them carefully in a few of his shirts so they don't break and sets them in his bag.
The only other thing he grabs is his guitar. Technically, it's not his, it's his dad's, but his dad let him have it as a graduation present. He can still remember being real little, when Soda was just a toddler and Ponyboy was still a baby, sitting on the couch as his dad sat in front of him playing the old thing, showing him how he played the different chords and singing along to whatever song he was playing. Then Darry remembers being a bit older when his dad finally taught him to play the thing. Darry would consider himself a pretty decent guitar player now, he's just as good as his dad ever was, but what he loves most is singing. He'd never sing in front of his family, but he loves it. Darry doesn't think he's all that good, but Paul insists that he is. Paul sings too, and plays the piano. Darry thinks he's pretty damn good at it too. They both love music, and they love singing and playing together. There had been more than one time in highschool when Paul had dragged him along to some soc party where he'd end up with a guitar in someone's living room and he'd play while someone else sang, but he never gained the courage to sing for anyone besides Paul.
Darry knows his mom told his dad he was leaving tomorrow, but he knows Ponyboy and Sodapop don't, so he leaves his bag in his room and makes sure the door is shut. He doesn't know how to tell his brothers he's moving to New York, but he knows he won't tell them he'll be going with Paul. He can't risk that many questions.
Darry finds Ponyboy sitting on the couch reading a book when he makes his way to the living room. Darry sits with him, but doesn't know what to say. Mom and Dad are at work, and Soda is out with Steve, so the house is quiet as the early August sun beats through the front window. Darry just sits in silence with Ponyboy, trying to think of what to tell him and Soda, and tries to enjoy Ponyboy's company. Darry doesn't know how long he's been sitting there before Soda comes barging in through the front door. “Hey guys!” Soda says as he kicks his shoes off. Pony looks up from his book and smiles, but Darry is too worried to greet Soda. Soda comes and sits right in between his brothers, but Darry can feel his gaze linger on him for a moment before Soda looks to Pony then back to him again. Soda is silent for a moment as his face changes before he asks, “Darry, is everything okay?” Pony leans around Soda to look at him Darry is only able to glance up at the two of them before he fixes his gaze on his hands in his lap.
“Yeah,” Darry sighs, “I just need to tell you guys something,” Soda and Pony shift a little and share a look before Ponyboy speaks up.
“Okay,” Pony says and Pony and Soda share another look. Darry is quiet for a long moment, trying to figure out a better way to put it, but he can't, so he just sighs again and cuts right to the chase.
“I'm moving out,” Darry says quietly. Pony and Soda have no reaction at first, and the house is so silent, all Darry can hear is his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. The silence streches on far too long before Sods speaks up, his voice quiet.
“When?” Soda says, and when Darry doesn't answer right away, Pony is quick to ask another question.
“Where?” The confusion in his littlest brother's voice almost makes Darry flinch as he remembers how quickly he's springing this on them. The silence is almost painful before he answers.
“Tomorrow,” Darry whispers, “New York,” he closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see the disappointment and anger he is almost certain will be on their faces. Again, the house is far too silent. Darry still has his eyes closed when he feels a hand wrap around his arm and he can't stop the flinch that comes or the way his eyes fly open just for Ponyboy to cling onto his arm. Darry doesn't know what to do, so he just sits there and lets it happen. Soda then asks the question Darry has been hoping he wouldn't have to answer.
“Why?” Darry finally meets Soda's gaze as he lets his hand find its place on Ponyboy's head, “Why so sudden? How long have you known?” Soda rushes out, and he hates the way his brother's voice is filled with disappointment and now a hint of anger. He hates even more how Pony starts shaking under his arm, clearly crying. Darry smooths his hand over Pony's head in some attempt to calm him down as he shakes his head and sighs.
“I can't-” Darry tries to stop his voice from breaking, but he can't, “I can't tell you why. I've only known for a few days. I didn't know how to tell you,” Darry mumbles the last part as he stares down at Ponyboy's soft head of hair. The kid is curled up so small against him.
“Why can't you?” Soda almost yells as he stands up from the couch, “Why can't you say why?” Soda throws his arms out, and Darry feels his heart ache as a tear rolls down Soda's face. Darry just shakes his head as Pony starts crying harder and he tries to comfort him. “Why?” Soda yells, his voice shaking as he begs his older brother.
“I just can't!” Darry yells before he knows what's happening and the house is dead silent again, the only sound Pony's quiet sobbing. Darry has tears coming down his face now too. He watches as Soda's resolve crumbles as he accepts the fact he won't be getting an answer. Soda's tears become sobs so Darry lifts his arm and Soda only hesitates for a second before sitting beside him and leaning into his big brother. Darry holds his crying brothers as he cries too, and he hates this impossible situation he's been put in so much. As much as he doesn't want to leave his brothers, it's impossible to stay in Tulsa as the town slowly squeezes him to death.
After Darry goes to bed that night, the last night he might ever spend in his bed while he lives here, his brothers climb into bed with him and they all sleep in Darry's bed, just like they used to when they were all little; When Pony was still too little to get into the bed without help, when Soda's hair was down to his shoulders and he'd have Darry braid it for him before they fell asleep, when Darry's biggest worry was what his position in the batting order would be for his next little league game. Now, Darry's bed isn't big enough for the three boys, but they make it work anyway, savoring this last night for who knows how long where they will all live under the same roof.
—
Darry thought he might get some big goodbye if he ever left Tulsa, but that's not how it goes. The gang stops by and all say goodbye to him, but it isn't some grand thing. They spend the morning acting like everything is normal even if they are all a bit on edge.
It's just after lunch when Darry finally leaves. He gets hugs from everyone, and his mom spends a little longer hugging him. Everyone else thinks he's getting on the bus and taking it all the way to New York, but his mom knows he's getting on the bus where he's getting off on the next stop to meet Paul, then they'll drive to the city together. His mom makes him promise to call them once they get to the city. He hugs everyone one last time before he promises to call again and leaves the house for the bus stop down the street, with his duffel in one hand and his guitar in the other.
Darry thought he would feel more emotional leaving, but he really doesn't. All he can feel is this sense of anticipation, almost like the rest of his life is about to start. He doesn't know how to feel about that. He isn't sure what New York will be like. He hasn't even been out of Oklahoma besides the few times he went skiing with Paul and his friends.
Darry finds Paul waiting for him exactly where he said he'd be, and he can't help but smile when he sees Paul leaning against the car smiling at him. Darry puts his bag in the trunk and his guitar in the back seat. Paul doesn't have a whole lot of things either, just his own duffel, a bag of his football stuff —Darry doesn't know how to feel about the fact Paul will be going to college while he works, but he knows he isn't mad— and his keyboard that he bought at a thrift store on the east side about a year ago.
Paul gets behind the wheel and Darry gets in the passenger seat. Paul puts the keys in the ignition, but doesn't start the car yet. Instead, he turns to him and asks, “You ready?” Darry thinks for a second to his brothers, but then he nods.
“Yeah, yeah. I am,” Darry replies, and when Paul starts the car and beams at him with so much love in his eyes, Darry beams right back and knows that, however hard the decision might have been, he made the right one.
— —
Paul drives the first leg until they stop in St. Louis to get gas and stretch their legs. They keep the windows down and the radio on and their hands are intertwined between them as they cruise down the highway, and for the first time in a long time, Darry feels some sort of freedom.
Paul forces Darry to go look at the arch, and they have some kind lady take their picture beneath it with Paul's camera, and Darry almost feels normal for once. (That picture ends up being one of their favorites when they develop it; it ends up framed on the wall right by the front door).
Darry drives the rest of the way for the day, as the sun sets and it's dark out by the time they finally reach Indianapolis where they find a cheap motel to stay at for the night. Darry thinks it's a little sketchy, but he doesn't care much when Paul is in the bed with him, holding him close despite the stiffening heat of early August.
The next day is much of the same. Paul takes the first shift and Darry still feels this sense of freedom, like this burden he's been carrying since he was old enough to know west from east has been lifted off his shoulders. When they are flying down the highway with hundreds of other cars, miles and miles away from home and getting farther, he isn't a greaser, and Paul isn't a soc.
They stop just outside Pittsburgh and the two of them are starting to get a little more excited now, but there is definitely an undercurrent of nervousness present too. Before they know it, they will be in New York City. They stop when they are just outside the towering skyscrapers of the city when the sun starts setting and Paul runs into a corner store to get a map of the city so they can find the apartment Paul's dad is paying for. Darry almost feels bad. Paul's dad would never pay for it if he knew Darry would be living in it too, or if he knew that Paul wasn't planning on coming home for the summer. Not that Mr. Holden would particularly care about his son being home, but Darry is pretty sure it's an image thing for him.
Darry takes in the skyline of the city he never thought he'd see as he waits for Paul. There had been times when they were in high school, when they'd each had a little too much to drink and they would stare up at the stars and talk about how one day they would run away from Tulsa together. They would plan out where they'd go, what they'd tell their friend's. Neither of them ever thought that would happen, but here they are now. Darry realizes this is nothing like those silly dreams they once had, when they were young and foolish enough to believe that maybe one day they would get married too.
Paul comes out of the store and has a map in his hands as he slides back into the passenger seat. Paul starts giving him directions as Darry starts the car. They get to their apartment relatively quickly and find the landlady, who's expecting them. She gives them the keys and says she'll drop off a list of rules tomorrow. She's a very nice older lady, who clearly means no nonsense, but the two of them are grateful she doesn't question them beyond asking where they're from and what they're names are. The apartment is on the third floor of a building in the East Village, and it's small, but nice. It's clear whoever lived here before took good care of it. There's a small kitchen and dining room, and a little living room. There's a small bathroom and two bedrooms, but one is barely big enough for the bed that's already there. They plan to sleep in the same room anyway, so it doesn't really matter. There is already furniture, which is nice too. Darry wants to call his mom like promised he would, but he decides it's too late and he'll call her in the morning.
It doesn't take long for them to unpack their minimal belongings before they're ready for bed. It's strange, Darry thinks as they lie in their new bed, the hustle and bustle of New York City outside their window. In a city like this, they'll be able to disappear, and Darry already loves it. He can tell Paul does too by the smile on his face. They can sleep here together in the same bed and not have to worry about someone finding out, and for Darry, that's enough.