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Peter didn't remember any of his blackouts.
Not that there were many of them, but there were enough to worry both Aunt May and Mary Jane. When it had first happened, Peter had been fourteen, and it had been just a few months after Uncle Ben was killed.
One minute Peter was talking with Aunt May, going over everything he would need for the quickly approaching school year, the next his eyes were glazing over and completely unresponsive. He woke up half an hour later in the hospital, Aunt May, MJ, and a nurse hovering over him.
He didn't remember blacking out, or what caused it, and the doctors couldn't find a medical reason for it.
(Peter jokingly asked MJ later if she'd sneaked any cursed objects into his room again. As it was, she had sneaked something into his room. They ended up throwing out an old vase she'd been planning on taking to Camp, just in case.)
It was close to a year later when the next one happened, and roughly a week later, the next and last one.
(Peter blamed lack of sleep for that last one. He'd managed to stay awake during the Second Titan War, and had secretly helped the Campers alongside MJ. He'd even saved one boy with black hair's life with his arrow, a strange type of fear making his hands move before he even noticed what he was doing.)
Peter wondered if it would have helped if he had told anyone about the strange feelings that came with the blackouts.
How he would feel an odd longing in his heart that made his chest ache, it was so strong. He had felt unbelievably worried and concerned after his first blackout just a few weeks after the eruption at Mt. Saint Helens that had nothing to do with actually blacking out. That he had felt scared, worried, impressed, and frightened just a few days before the Empire State Building glowed blue?
(Blue... why had he felt such relief when he saw that... signal?)
Would it have mattered if he had told anyone about how, just after his last blackout, Peter had felt an influx of emotions so strong, he'd had to sit down? How his feelings of contentment, longing, sorrow, jealousy, envy, and finality had consumed him to the point of tears?
Maybe, maybe not.
Peter wasn't sure, and at this point, it didn't matter. Not anymore. The blackouts stopped, relieving Aunt May and MJ.
But there was always the question: what caused them in the first place?
After that, Peter spent more time with MJ, helping her through the PTSD that came with the Second Titan War. He practically threw himself into the world of Greek Mythos, and dabbled in Roman, to find something, anything, to help his almost-sister when she climbed through his bedroom window in tears one night.
He worked tirelessly on a project he'd spent years in the making, a phone that demigods could use without worry of monsters. He even helped MJ get a girlfriend, another demigoddess by the name of Gwen, a daughter of Athena.
He didn't need to remember the blackouts, and he hadn't.
Until he did.
Peter had no idea why he was suddenly remembering the blackouts, but he was.
More importantly, he remembered what happened during the blackouts.
The odd longing grew stronger.
Why the blackout-remembering was happening not even a year later in June, Peter didn't know. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know, if what he remembered was true.
Percy.
The name sent a thrill down Peter's spine and a warm rush through his veins. Why, he couldn't say, but just thinking his name made Peter feel safehappyconcernedlo-
He didn't know anything. Not why he felt this way, nor how he knew that Percy was the boy he saved with his arrow all those months ago. And yet...
That odd longing was stronger than ever.
He remembered everything he'd told Percy during the blackouts, and he wondered how he knew what the River Styx did and Percy loving Annabeth. He wondered how he knew he name and crushed that bizarre feeling of jealousyenvy when he thought of her.
He didn't want to think about what that could mean.
Peter wondered why he told Percy "It's okay"like he was giving Percy permission to love Annabeth and why it felt like he was.
Why did it feel like he was letting him go?
(Letting him go... why did that feel so significant?)
Peter didn't have any answers, only questions that were unlikely to ever be answered. And for once, he wasn't sure if he wanted them answered. There was one, though, that kept rattling around in his head.
Did he want to find Percy?
He felt torn, both desperately wanting to, but terrified of the outcome and repercussions. (Repercussions?)
What Peter wanted, he wasn't sure, but it led up to a bigger question, one that kept him up at night.
Why do I long for you?
As it turned out, Peter didn't need to find Percy. Percy found him.
"Peter?"
"Percy?"