Archive of Our Own

It's cold in the mornings.

If Maria has one complaint about earth, it's the lack of strict temperature regulation.

She lays in bed for a few moments, or perhaps an hour, just staring at the ceiling until the apartment's rickety old heater powers on, filling the room with warmth, as well a steady rumbling that always feels a little like it's going to bring the walls down.

Her bones start to ache less as the cold recedes, and she shoves herself upright.

Beside her, Shadow groans, mumbling something face-first into his pillow. Maria scritches his head absently. The fur around his ears is always the softest.

He makes another sound in reply, something between a purr and question, like the churr of an otter rather than a hedgehog. Maria smiles.

“Hey, go back to sleep,” she murmurs, because she can. Because they can.

It really is strange, being around her brother without the looming threat of judgement. Or worse.

Shadow follows orders and is out again within seconds, but Maria suspects she won't be able to join him without a painkiller. She rolls out of bed instead, snatching up her crutches from the floor despite how it makes her back twinge.

The world feels better once she has her own feet under her, an odd sort of base happiness that comes from choosing where she wants to go.

A low bar? Definitely. Maria's happy to clear it anyway.

She brushes her teeth and gets dressed, picking out an oversized knitted sweater she stole from Shadow and a pair of high-waisted jeans that Rouge bought her. It’s still strange to wear something other than dresses, but she's getting accustomed to it. Apparently other types of clothes have pockets, a boon which she may never be able to pass up again.

Maria ventures out into Team Dar- uh, their kitchen to find Rouge on the counter and Omega at the stove. Snow falls steadily outside the window, blanketing the city far below.

“Good morning,” Maria says, trying to infuse it with as much diplomacy and cheeriness as she can manage.

She hasn't been here very long; she's still not sure of her place around these two. Or, around anyone who's not Shadow, really, but she sees Team Dark the most often. Being roommates, and all.

“Sup,” Rouge's voice is scratchy with sleep, and the coffee she's nursing.

Omega flashes his eyelights at her warmly. Maria smiles back, and it feels real this time.

Uncertainty aside, there's something very pleasant about Omega- she never has to guess how he's feeling, or if he's lying about said feelings. He always says exactly what he means.

Maria taps the tip of her left crutch against his leg, making a light tink against the metal. Indulgently, Omega steps aside so she can reach the coffee pot.

There's enough left for her, but not for Shadow, so she pours a mug and starts brewing a new pot.

Whatever Omega's boiling smells like cinnamon. It also smells delicious. Maria wonders if Rouge is his taste tester, if that's why she's awake so early in the morning.

“Couldn't find you last night,” Rouge comments, almost idly. “Shadow's room again?”

“Um. Yeah.” Maria raises the cup to her mouth, but doesn't drink it. It saves her from having to make an expression.

Rouge hums. “We gotta get you your own room, don't we?”

A simple statement. An implication.

“Sure,” Maria agrees, not acknowledging the latter. “If it's not a bother. I'm fine in the living room, too.”

It's hard not to feel like she's lying. The truth is, Rouge could renovate this apartment a hundred times into a hundred different styles, give Maria the comfiest living quarters she's ever had, and Maria would probably still find herself sneaking into Shadow's room each night.

It feels ungrateful. It feels stupid. Normal people don't need to feel each other breathing to fall asleep.

But she does. And Shadow does too.

“It's not fine,” Rouge insists. “You deserve your own space.”

“Okay,” Maria says, not feeling like she deserves much of anything. She's just the girl who came back from the dead and ruined Shadow's hard-earned semblance of functionality. But it's the correct answer, so she says it anyway.

She sits down at the counter, on a chair instead of on the counter itself like Rouge.

“Got any plans today?” Rouge asks.

Maria blinks. Who the hell would she have plans with? She has Sonic's number, and Amy's too, but it's the holiday season, and she definitely wouldn't bother them during it. “Um… no. Should I?”

“Nope,” Rouge pops the ‘p’. “I was thinking we should all go out on the town. Make a day of it. That sound good?”

Maria forces a smile and a nod. No, not really. Her shoulders hurt from the walk out here, and the cold is still radiating throughout her bones.

“Awesome,” Rouge chirps, not seeming to notice. Or maybe she just doesn't care. “You wanna go wake up that brother of yours?”

Yeah, she can do that. “Sure.”

“Return quickly for consumption of cinnamon buns before today's excursion,” Omega chimes in.

----

Shadow is still asleep when Maria renters the room, which makes sense. It's only been a few minutes.

She feels a little bad waking him. His face looks peaceful, one ear squished beneath his head in a way that's bound to be painful when he moves.

Maria places a hand on his shoulder, leaning her weight on her other crutch. “Hey,” she whispers, giving Shadow a tiny shake. “It's time for breakfast.”

“Mm,” is Shadow’s eloquent response. He pushes his face into the pillow again, and predictably, winces as his ear pops back into position. “Time's’it?”

Maria glances at the blackout curtains. “Early,” she guesses. “Rouge seems excited to get going, though.”

Or, at least, Maria assumes she is. She's yet to figure out how Rouge ticks.

It gets Shadow to sit up, though, making a pained noise as he rubs at his face. “Fine. Give me a minute.”

Maria nods. She's not jealous. It would be weird to be jealous of Rouge, because Rouge was here and helped and probably saved Shadow's life a few times, and what kind of shitty sibling would feel resentful of that?

A selfish one, that's what. Gerald always did say she was too focused on herself.

“Maria?” Shadow asks. Maria snaps her gaze back to him. Oh, how long has she been staring at the wall. “Are you alright?”

“I'm-” Maria swallows. Focuses on the blanket imprints in Shadow's cheek, flushed slightly green from the irritation. “Yes, I'm good.”

Shadow narrows his eyes. “Your legs are shaking.”

“I wasn't holding my crutches correctly,” Maria tries, readjusting her grip to prove it. Shadow remains unconvinced.

“Here,” he says, digging around in his bedside drawer for a moment. He draws out a pill bottle, pushing it at her. “Take some painkillers.”

“I'm fine,” she says again.

“Then it won't matter if you take some,” Shadow replies.

Maria sighs, sitting down on the bed so she can open the child-proof cap with both hands. It ends up being more of a drop, her knees giving out and Shadow catching her crutches before they can fall to the floor. “I'm not a child, Shadow. I know my limits. You don’t have to coddle me.”

“I'm not coddling,” Shadow says, a bit petulantly, sitting up so he can rest his head against her shoulder. “I'm worrying. There's a difference.”

“Press ‘x’ to doubt.”

Shadow groans, but rests her crutches against the bed and reaches for his water bottle so she can swallow the pills without damaging her throat. “You need to stop spending so much time with Sonic.”

Maria giggles. “I got that one from Tails, actually.”

He tilts his head, just a bit, nose pressing into her shoulder. Softer than before, he says, “We don't have to go anywhere if you're not up to it. I'll tell them you're not feeling well.” Maria hesitates, and he adds, “Or I can tell them I'm not feeling well. If you're worried about taking blame.”

It's horrible, but Maria relaxes. This is still the boy she was raised with, the one who's just as mistrustful of authority as her. He hasn't changed. He understands.

But she also hears the slight disappointment in his voice, the reluctance. He’s excited to go out today.

“No,” she says, dropping her head atop his. “I'll be okay. It sounds fun, doesn't it?”

She doesn't even know what they're doing. But Shadow brightens, leaning more of his weight into her. “Definitely. Rouge gets really into holiday celebrations.”

“Then we have to go,” Maria announces. “I can handle it.”

“Okay. You'll tell me if that changes?”

“Of course,” Maria agrees, but she knows she won't. Shadow pulls away, eyeing her like he's considering calling her out on the lie, but just then, the oven timer goes off and Rouge’s voice carries down the hall.

“Kids! Stop lazing around and come get your food before Omega starts setting things on fire for fun!”

“Fuck off, we're coming!” Shadow shouts back at full volume. Their shared disregard for the neighbors is confusing, but apparently Rouge has lived in this complex for years and never gotten kicked out, so.

“I'm eating your share, dickweed!” Rouge screeches back, but it sounds like she laughs afterwards.

Shadow turns to her, dropping the manufactured rage immediately. “Ready?”

Maria nods, smiling, and lets Shadow pull her out into the kitchen.

----

It's colder outside, a fact that is both completely obvious in hindsight and yet shocking, somehow.

Maria doesn't think she'll ever get used to snow. It sticks in the treads of her shoes and crutches, threatening to topple her. She hopes someone will catch her if she slips.

Shadow sticks close to her side, humming softly as snowflakes get caught in his fur. They're stark white against his dark fur, like a cascade of stars.

Rouge hums along with him, after a few minutes. It might be a Christmas tune, Maria’s not sure. She and Shadow have matching maroon coats, a fact that Maria is trying her damnedest not to feel any particular way about.

Shadow had a life here without her, and that is fine. That's all Maria ever wanted for him, in fact.

(So why does she feel so wretched?)

“So,” Rouge says, jerking her chin at the subway station across the street. Her wings rustle under her coat, shifting to generate some warming friction. “I'm thinking we head downtown, do some shopping, maybe grab food? And, uh, a gal at my work invited all of us to her church’s Christmas party tonight, if you guys are interested. There’ll be daaaancing.”

“Right,” Shadow says, smirking slightly. “A gal. A gal pal, if you will.”

“Shut up,” Rouge says. Her face is redder than before.

“Is it okay that we don't attend their church?” Maria asks nervously. “I wouldn't want to get us in trouble.”

“Honey, I've been taking the Lord's name in vain since I was a toddler,” Rouge slows her steps, falling back to Maria's other side. “I assure you, nobody gives a shit. Especially if it’s a cute human girl like you.”

Maria stumbles, glances at Shadow. He nods, completely serious.

“Okay,” she says, and only after Rouge grins and outpaces them again does Maria realize she just agreed to attend a dance. Like, with dancing. And socializing. And movement. After a day of walking.

Fuck.

“We should make latkes next week,” Shadow stage-whispers at her, knocking her out of her worries.

“Totally,” Maria whispers back. She wonders if Shadow has a menorah from last year, or if they need to buy one.

“Ivo is out of town this year, so I told Metal he could spend Chanukah with us,” Shadow continues. “I don't know if he'll come, though.”

Maria experiences her usual moment of shock that Shadow still talks to their cousin, then processes the rest. “Oh. Are Rouge and Omega okay with that?”

She only vaguely knows Metal, but she's been told several times that he is Bad News with a capital ‘B’.

“Yeah. I think Rouge only said it because Sonic's crew are very not okay with it, but, nevertheless, we're good to go,” Shadow follows this by shooting her a thumbs-up, at odds with his emotionless face. Maria giggles. How anyone thinks her brother is anything but a huge dork is beyond her.

Then again, Maria knows he's a good actor, in his own way. She distinctly remembers a late night on the ARK- Gerald ranting about a broken beaker for nearly thirty minutes. Wanting to throw up. Shadow's blank facade not falling until their grandfather had ventured off to find another scientist to blame.

(Shadow's entire body went slack the moment the door slammed shut behind Gerald, great gasping heaves overtaking his tiny body.

He never started crying, as far as Maria could tell, but he'd held onto her skirt so hard his claws left holes in the fabric, frantically breathing against Maria's stomach as she helplessly stroked his quills.)

The subway ride is quick; Maria sits in the singular handicapped seat and Shadow squishes onto it beside her, growling at anyone who comes too close. His fur is wet from the snow.

They wander around department stores for nearly two hours picking out candles and decorations and gifts for their non-roommate friends. Maria finds a bag of gelt, and it's the only bit of Rouge's money she feels comfortable spending because of how wide Shadow smiles at her.

“Do you want to get anything?” Shadow asks her quietly, in line at the toy store. Omega clutches an oversized stuffed pink zebra, almost the size of Shadow himself.

Maria purses her lips together, breaking eye contact. Looking anywhere besides Shadow is usually a mistake, and today is no exception.

The human woman in front of them is staring at her, an immeasurable look of disgust curling her lip as she glances both at Maria's crutches and her proximity to Shadow. Maria thinks the death robot flanking them should be more of a concern, but who is she to judge?

Maria forces a smile. It's shaky, and the woman blinks in response, as if surprised she got caught staring.

Shadow turns his head just slightly, following Maria's line of sight.

Before Maria can so much as say don't, Shadow's edging closer to Maria, closing the last inches of space between them and leaning his head possessively against her forearm. He looks about as threatening as a teddy bear (albeit a goth one with bared teeth) but the woman looks away quickly.

The Shadow she knew would've been too afraid to confront an older human, and certainly not in public. This Shadow, the new Shadow, seems like he's actively restraining himself from doing much worse than show his fangs.

Fear and pride war in her chest, knotting themselves up into a horrible little ball that hurts to prod at. As always, Maria labels it 'guilt,' and resolves not to think about it any longer.

“You shouldn't do that, you know,” Maria murmurs, once the woman takes her turn talking to the cashier. Maria hopes Rouge will come back before it's their turn; she still sucks with money.

Shadow huffs. “It's what they deserve for being assholes.”

Maria sighs. She shifts her weight, but after two hours of walking, there’s not exactly a position that hurts less than any other. “Shadow… they don't know any better.”

“They're adults. Not knowing better is what people say to excuse children,” Shadow answers. The sneer is audible in his voice.

“That's pretty rich, coming from someone who learned self-respect at age sixteen,” Maria finds herself saying.

Shadow freezes. So does Maria.

He doesn't move away, but Maria can feel the tension in the air. If they were normal siblings, perhaps Shadow would argue back with her.

But they're not, and he doesn't.

“I just-” Maria starts, stops again. She should apologize. She should do any number of things, and yet, her throat tightens at the thought. She doesn't want to take it back. She meant it. “If we're mean to them, all they'll take away is that disabled people are unpleasant and petty. I don't want to be the cause of that. It's not worth it.”

Shadow toes at floor, some of the soot on his skates rubbing off on the tile. “...you are worth it,” he mutters, but then it's their turn to pay and the subject is dropped.

Rouge rejoins them just outside the store, shoving a bag into Omega's arms. If she notices the tension, she doesn't mention it.

Her gaze does, however, linger on where Shadow is still clinging to Maria’s forearm.

“Lunch?”

Maria nods gratefully, and then Rouge is ushering all of them into a restaurant two blocks over that has ‘the best perogies in the world, I swear to fuck.’

She can't stop glancing at Shadow on the walk over. He doesn't even look mad, rather, deep in thought. It's distracting, even surpassing her increasingly achy bones.

Can anything Maria does piss him off for good? Or has he become harder to read?

Omega offers to take their purchases home, which just leaves the three of them sliding into the booth.

“I'm gonna wash my hands,” Shadow says after they order their drinks, shoving his jacket at Rouge and walking away without another word.

“Okay,” Rouge absently replies, about two seconds too late for him to hear it.

Crud, Maria thinks, and then immediately feels guilty for.

Rouge is nice. It'll be fine. Shadow likes her, and that's all that matters.

“So, um, what's good here?” Maria asks.

“Literally everything. I got something I've been meaning to ask you about, hon,” Rouge levels her menu at her.

Crud crud crud. Nevermind, Shadow's judgement clearly is just as awful as it was when they were kids. “Y-yeah?”

“Well, it's more like a statement. You okay enough to hear it?”

Maria stares at her. She wishes Shadow had thrown his coat at her, instead, because this restaurant suddenly feels very cold.

Rouge takes her silence as a yes. “I'm gonna cut to the chase- you've been here a month, and I'm worried about your guys’ whole… deal. Yours and Shadow's.”

“Our deal,” Maria repeats, fiddling with the edges of her sleeves.

“Look. I'm pretty sure you could do anything to him and he'd just roll over and take it, kicked-puppy style. So, while I know he wants to protect you, I'm concerned that he doesn't have anyone protecting him. Therefore, I'm gonna. Capiche?”

“I, um-”

“Great. Hurt his feelings and you die.”

That gets Maria to snort. “Got it.”

Rouge grins back. She picks up her iced tea, swirling the straw between pinched fingers like it's a margarita. “You got present ideas for him, by the way? I'm happy to go pick something up for you if you want me to.”

“No, um. I'm a little stuck, we've never done that before.” Maria hesitates, and then asks, “Rouge?”

The other woman glances up at her, her focus already stolen away by the menu. “Yeah?”

“Do you not like me?”

Blunt? Yes. But Maria wants to know. And, as a plus, Rouge actually seems a little taken aback.

“I… it's not about you, really. But I think that whatever this thing is you have with him, it's codependent. And I think you know that.” Rouge bites her lip, her face at the most serious Maria's ever seen it. “And I'm happy to have you around, and I get that you're a kid too, but since you brought it up: I am begging you. Don't use him. I know exactly what your family is capable of, and I won't let it happen again. That much I swear to you.”

Maria stares at her. The sounds of the restaurant churn around them, families talking and laughing, utensils clattering in the kitchen. It truly is an absurd place to get psychoanalyzed by a five foot nothing bat lady.

“I- I wouldn't do that,” Maria whispers, hands now fisted in her sleeves. “I wouldn't.”

(Would she? Is that what she's been doing her whole life?

She tried to protect Shadow, from Gerald, from the ARK, from GUN's soldiers, but maybe all she was doing was adding another problem to his plate.)

“Great,” Rouge chirps. Her expression returns to its easy smile, but the atmosphere doesn't lighten. Or perhaps that's Maria's anxieties talking. “Let's figure out what to order, huh?”

“Howdy!” says their waiter, so brightly that Maria flinches and nearly knocks her crutches over. “Can I get y'all started, maybe with some of our superbly delicious appetizers?”

Maria heaves in a shuddering breath, shaking her head when the person looks at her.

“Yeah, I want your spiciest nachos,” Rouge announces, with none of the same hangups. “Like, strong enough to make me cry. Oh, good, Shadow, you're back! My turn.”

Rouge leaves the table, and Shadow drops into the seat beside Maria.

“Hey,” he says, stealing Maria's water and taking a sip. “Did I miss anything?”

“They brought out the wrong coffee,” Maria says distantly. The wall across from them sure is interesting. “Yours should be here soon.”

“Okay,” Shadow looks at her strangely. “Is something wrong?”

“I. Um.” Horribly, Maria feels her eyes start to sting. She fakes a cough just so she has an excuse to rub them.

Liar, liar, her brain sing-songs helpfully. Just like your grandfather, aren't you?

“I'm tired,” she says, after she feels certain her voice won't shake. “Is it okay if I go home early?”

“Of course,” Shadow's voice is soft. He sets his hand on her wrist. “We can leave now, if you want.”

‘We.’ They’ve always been a ‘we,’ no questions asked.

(Maybe they should've. Now Maria doesn't know how to ask, and it's too late to learn.)

She shakes her head no, but not as quick as she'd like. The offer’s too tempting. “No. We can eat.”

Despite this, their food comes and Maria's never felt less hungry in her life. She forces herself to pick at it anyway, because if she doesn't eat, Shadow won't eat, and fuck, maybe Rouge has a point.

She ends up shoving a lot of it into her napkin. Shadow doesn't notice, but Rouge does, a weird expression crossing her face.

Later, as they're leaving, Omega rejoins them to accompany Rouge to her party, so Maria and Shadow will be taking the subway home alone.

Maria leans her head against the restaurant's exterior as the team says their goodbyes, letting the cold seep from the bricks into her hair.

The three of them are talking- Shadow looks like he might be yelling- but Maria doesn't hear any of it. She’s so tired. The sun is beginning to set.

She's never been able to explain the fog in her brain. How it sets and recedes without her permission, or sometimes even without her full awareness of it. It was easier, in some ways, to handle it back on the ARK. No one noticed if she disappeared for a day, or two, or six.

...she didn't always notice it either.

“Hey,” someone says, and Maria opens her eyes to find Rouge awkwardly standing before her, arms folded. “I, uh, you know you can come with if you want, yeah?”

“Yes. I'm just tired,” Maria tells her.

“Yeah, I just- I wasn't trying to scare you earlier. You're not in danger. You know that, don't you?”

Maria swallows. “I'm really tired,” she says again. She isn't sure what else to say.

“I,” Rouge starts, looking pained. But then Omega steps up behind her, puts a clawed hand on her shoulder. She sighs. “Okay. I'll see you kids tomorrow. There's a present for you in the pile of stuff Omega brought home, so no peeking, okay?”

That grabs Maria's attention, even through the haze. “What? …you got me a present?”

Rouge shrugs. “Don't read too much into it, girlypop. I'd feel guilty if I didn't, or something.”

She walks off, and then it's just Shadow left.

“Hi,” Maria says.

“Hi,” Shadow says, and inexplicably, he sounds a tad guilty. “Ready to go?”

She shrugs, and they step onto the escalator together.

They board the train, close to empty since they hit it just before rush hour, taking a bench this time.

“She didn't mean anything by it,” Shadow says. His arm is looped through hers.

“It's okay,” mumbles Maria. “She didn't know I was… fragile, today.”

“You're not. Rouge is just- getting used to this whole arrangement,” Shadow sounds uncertain, like he always does when he's trying to be comforting. “We all are.”

“Are you?” Maria challenges.

“What?”

“It's like- it's like I came back, and now we’re both trying to act exactly how we used to,” Maria starts out slow, but gains speed as she speaks, the words almost tumbling out of her mouth. “But we're not how we used to be. I died, and you changed, you grew and learned and got hurt and I-”

Shadow's eyes are wide, but he doesn't try to interject, even as she breathes wrong and raspy.

“And I wasn't there,” Maria finishes, her throat hoarse. “I wasn't. And I can't fix that. All I do is-” Maria falters, but damn it, she's made it this far, and she's getting the whole thing out in the air even if it kills her a second time. “-is ruin you.”

It occurs to her that she might be crying. And shouting. In a subway that is not entirely empty.

She forces herself not to look. She will trust the kindness of strangers, and hope that none of them are judging her.

Maria doesn't want to see Shadow's reaction either, though, so she pulls her feet onto the bench and buries her face in her knees.

After an eternity, Shadow speaks. “Well,” he says, thoughtful. “You're right about one thing.”

“Hm?” Maria peeks one eye at him.

“We're not the same people,” Shadow says. “Not anymore. So, let's try this,” he holds out his hand to her. “Hi. I'm Shadow.”

Maria rubs at her eyes again. The fabric against her knees is wet, and she's sure her hand is too, but Shadow doesn't flinch when she shakes his hand. “I'm- I'm Maria.”

“That's a good name,” he informs her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Because it's yours.”

She laughs wetly. “My, you're very upfront with complete strangers, Shadow the Hedgehog.”

“What can I say,” he tells her, voice dry as sand, “Your beauty inspired me.”

Maria smoothes out the fabric of her jeans, unable to meet Shadow's gaze. She crosses her leg over the one that aches less, hoping to take some of the weight off her ankle- the tendon is twinging. She doesn't feel very pretty. She feels like a stained glass car wreck, sharp and jagged and still slightly on fire. “Ha, ha. Even though I ruined the whole day?”

Shadow covers her hand with his, gloves silky soft. He's always taken good care of his belongings. “You didn't ruin anything.”

“We didn't get to go to that dance,” Maria points out. “That part got ruined.”

Shadow tilts his head. “I've gone dancing before. It's not a big deal to me that we missed it.”

“You have?”

Shadow nods. “Vanilla's divorce party.” He wrinkles his nose. “She got very drunk. I learned the tango.”

“Oh.”

“Did…” Shadow bites his lip, “did you want to dance?”

“I- no, that's stupid, right? I mean,” Maria bonks the back of her hand against the nearest crutch. It hits her knuckle wrong, but she forgets she can let the pain show on her face. “It was a silly idea.”

Shadow is quiet for a moment. The train stops, and he stands. “I have a plan,” he says, all but dragging her out.

“Where are we going?” Maria yelps, half-laughing. He's got a death grip on her left crutch, making it hard to walk but it's pretty funny all the same.

“I'll show you!” He yells.

The sun sets by the time they reach their destination, patches of ice like little land mines on the sidewalk.

Shadow tugs her into their apartment complex, but stops just inside the doors instead of heading for the elevator.

The lobby is deserted, gaudy Christmas music playing for an empty room. String lights hang around the edges of the room, and one giant bedazzled pine tree blocks the left wall of windows.

“Here we go,” Shadow decides, shoving his gloves into his coat pockets and then tossing his coat on one of the lobby chairs.

“What are you doing?” Maria asks, amused.

“I,” Shadow says, holding his hand up to her, “Am going to dance with the stranger I just met. If that's okay with her.”

Maria's eyebrows raise without her permission.

Shadow wiggles his fingers. His paw pads look softer than they used to, healed by rest and time.

She sets her coat down atop his, hesitating when it comes to her crutches.

Before she can decide, Shadow sets a hand atop hers and smiles. “Ready?”

Maria lets her other crutch fall, holding onto the other for extra stabilization. Shadow leads her out into the center of the room, pauses to power up his skates (it helps with their height difference, but he’s still noticeably a head shorter), then takes her free hand.

(They're slightly bigger than hers. Opposite from how it was when they were kids.)

Shadow runs cold, but her own hands are icy from the outdoors, and the end result of skin against lightly-furred skin is wonderfully warm.

“If you light my pants on fire, I'll never forgive you,” Maria jokes, even as she herself stumbles.

Shadow snickers softly. “What, you think I'm not careful?”

He takes a step back. Maria follows, stepping forward with a sharp click of her crutch.

“I think you shouldn't be leading,” she corrects. “I'm taller, after all.”

“Buuuut you don't know how this works.”

Maria sticks her tongue out. “I'm getting the hang of it, thank you very much.”

“...tell me, baby, do you recognize me?” sings the speakers over their heads. “Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me.”

They pick up the pace. Shadow's nails glance against her skin, and her feet are hurting worse than ever, and honestly? It's perfect.

“Do you remember,” Shadow starts, watching their feet the way that books always tell you not to. “That story grandpa told us about his prom dance?”

A laugh startles itself out of her. “I don't think I could forget. He knocked over the fog machine, right?”

Shadow nods, solemn. “And his finals project fell out of his pocket and scalded his date.”

“And then he dumped her,” they finish together. Triumphantly.

Shadow breaks first, snorting with a distinct lack of grace. His head tilts down, as if he's trying to hide the sound in his chest fluff.

“I always wondered why he brought it,” Maria muses. Shadow raises her hand, as if to spin her, and she grins and spins him first.

His skates flare, casting scorch marks across the lobby's carpet to accommodate the turn. He's weightless in her grip; Maria wonders how this would feel without the skates.

Shadow looks a little dizzy when it ends, but he's smiling too. “I figured he was more interested in it than her.”

“Yeah.” Maria's light mood sinks. “He… wasn't a very nice person, was he?”

Shadow looks down again. He doesn't answer.

“I'm glad you got out,” she swallows, steels herself. “Even if I had to die for it. It was worth it.”

“Well.” Shadow doesn't smile, but there's a crooked slant to his eyes. “I'm glad you're not dead. I wasn't exactly, um… functional. Without you.”

“Really?” Maria fumbles the next step. Shadow's hand tightens over hers, more firmly anchoring her crutch to the floor. “You seem so happy here.”

“I was.” He wrinkles his nose. “Am. I don't know. It's confusing. But everything is better when you're around.”

“I don’t do much.”

“You don't have to lie to me, ‘ria,” Shadow says, throwing their hands out to the side to bounce to the beat as the music changes. Jingle Bell Rock, if she's not mistaken.

“I'm not!” She exclaims, but she's happy again and she knows Shadow can tell because he keeps dancing rather than trying to argue with her. “I'm boring as hell, compared to you.”

“Have you met me? Introvert extraordinaire, over here. If I didn't have roommates, I'd never leave the house.”

They make it through the rest of the song before either of them speaks again.

“...are you sure I'm worth it?” Her steps slow again. It's off-beat, but Shadow slows too, matching her gentle sway to the music. Maria leans forward to rest her chin on his quills, and Shadow lets her. “That I'm not… ruining your life?”

“Maria,” Shadow stops, grip tightening on her hand. “I never would have even wanted a life if it wasn't for you.” He pulls away, letting go of her crutch to cup her cheek. “You're worth everything.”

It's so painfully earnest, so honest and so Shadow, that Maria thinks she might just burst into tears.

And then she does. Quite abruptly.

Shadow's eyes go wide, faltering. “Um, shit, are you-”

“I'm fine,” she chokes out. “Extremely fine.” Some boy band is singing a jazzy acapella version of O Holy Night, and yup, it's official, Maria definitely should've stayed dead.

“Oh, uh, okay,” Shadow says, even though he sounds anything but. “I love you? Does that help?”

“I love you too,” Maria wails. Like that was ever in question. “I'm, I'm so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying.”

She doesn't. She really, truly doesn't. It's just verbal confirmation of things she already knew, deep down, probably.

(All the things she never believed.)

Maybe Shadow does need her too much- but part of her is sickeningly glad to hear him confirm it. That even when she was dead, he needed her. The inverse is definitely true, she's always known that, but she's never been sure how he felt.

Shadow pulls her into a hug, hooking his chin over her shoulder. He's a comforting weight, warm and lavender-scented, even if she feels a threatening heat near her ankles. “I also cried the first time someone reassured me down here.”

Maria sniffs. “You did?”

“No,” Shadow admits. “I cried a bunch before that, though. But did that make you feel better?”

“You're such a dork,” she informs him.

“Alright. I'm a dork who loves you, though.”

Maria bonks her forehead into his, then lets it rest there. This acapella song isn't so bad. It's growing on her, actually.

Shadow's eyes fall closed. “Should we head up now? I know you're tired.”

“Just one more minute,” Maria answers. “I'm dancing with my favorite person.”