Chapter Text
Ivan had been a selfish person since his childhood.
If he wanted a toy, he bought it; if he wanted a meal, he ate it; if he saw a piece of clothing he liked, he bought it; if he wanted to sing, he sang; if he wanted to write, he wrote; if he wanted a flower, he got it.
Why would he limit himself when he had the opportunity to get what he wanted?
He was just selfish, and he wasn’t even trying to hide it. He didn’t care.
Perhaps his failure to see this as a problem was proof of just how selfish he was.
I mean, this was before.
Before meeting him.
Till.
Love of my life.
Whenever their gazes met, he saw the boy whose eyebrows automatically furrowed, and that was when his selfishness became a problem for the first time.
I want him.
Not just his furrowed brows; his smiles, his laughs, his shouts, his music, his punches, his hugs, his kisses, his insults…
I want them all.
I want them all.
But Till’s rosy cheeks and smiles weren’t his.
Before Ivan could even demand them, they had already been given to someone else.
It wasn’t his fault. Nor was it Till’s.
Life was as unfair as always.
But…
If the only things he could get were furrowed brows and punches, Ivan could live with that.
He could learn to settle for something he had never done before.
He could stop being selfish for once.
He would do anything for Till.
It was hard. Very, very hard.
But he did it.
Or so Ivan thought.
When everything he had carefully worked through exploded in his face, he was just having a normal week.
He got up from bed, rubbed his face, took care of his business in the bathroom, and went to open the coffee machine in the kitchen. He went through his usual classic routine. He didn’t try for anything more or do anything else. He changed nothing.
Maybe everything in his life wasn’t going perfectly right now, but in the place where he lived, no one’s life was perfect.
Blue Valentine.
This was the escape point of life.
If you had no money, were ostracized in the place you lived, or were running from the government, this was the perfect place for you.
And then there were the rich people here, like Ivan’s father, who took advantage of it.
The city didn’t even have a fancy name like Blue Valentine until his grandfather died while managing this abandoned city, and his father took over. The moment his father did, he changed its name as a romantic gift for his mother. According to his father, his mother deserved better than this crappy city, so he turned its name into something pleasant, just as his mother liked. It was a proposal, an apology for accompanying him while managing this crappy city. Not surprisingly, his mother accepted.
It was a city with a simple hierarchy.
If you had money, you saw only the Valentine parts of the city.
Food, music, clothes, movies, hotels, prostitutes, and many other things were dazzlingly golden.
But if you made the mistake of coming down from the beachside, you would see the real city, the Blue part.
Drug addicts, homeless people, murderers, fights, and more disgusting things.
Unlike his mother, whose stomach couldn’t handle seeing these things, Ivan strangely loved the Blue part of the city.
That’s why he had gotten his house in the middle of the city.
His father had just shaken his head in frustration, complaining that nothing about Ivan was normal, and this was no exception.
Ivan didn’t care.
After all, for his father, as long as he was ‘normal’ compared to others, that was enough. He didn’t care what Ivan did in his private life.
Taking advantage of this, Ivan decided to spend his day slowly.
He had woken up feeling strangely aware of his actions for no reason, but his mind was very calm. Realizing he wanted to be a bit quieter and lazier at home, he decided to postpone his meeting with Mizi, Sua, and Till.
Ivan: Let's meet at 4, not 2.
Sua: ❓❓
Mizi: Sure!! Are you okay? This isn’t really like you.
Till: Don’t come then.
Mizi: Sure!! Are you okay? This isn’t really like you.
↪️I’m fine, Mizi. Just woke up late.
Till: Don’t come then.
↪️I’ll never miss the chance to see you, Till.
Sua: ❓❓
↪️Don’t worry, Sua. When I get there, I’ll hug you tight so you’ll know everything is fine.
Mizi: I want to hug Ivan too!!
Sua: I’ll hug you instead of that pervert, Mizi.
Till: Me too.
Ivan: You’re just jealous because Mizi wants me.
Mizi: Group hug?
Ivan: With pleasure.
Sua: I’ll hug Till instead of Ivan.
Till: Same.
Ivan: Rude.
Is everything normal?
Then what can explain the strange calmness Ivan was feeling for no reason? Was something going to happen? Was it like the calm before the storm?
Ivan decided not to care. Unless it involved Till, he didn’t care much about what might happen.
After staring at his cooling coffee, Ivan poured it all into the sink to get a new one.
•
“Ivan!”
When he entered the café section of one of Sua’s family’s hotels, ready for the slender arms wrapped around him with pink hair, Ivan responded to Mizi’s hug without hesitation.
Of course, Sua’s grumbling interrupted their hug.
Ivan tried to hug Sua as well, but received a punch instead. It didn’t bother him, though, because he immediately used it as an excuse to cling to Till.
“Sua’s cold, Till. But you’ll accept my hug, right?” “Get away, jerk.”
Till grumbled and managed to break free from Ivan’s embrace, but he did nothing about the head resting on his shoulder.
“Did you hear? They say Luka’s back.”
In response to Mizi’s words, Ivan looked up from Till’s shoulder. Till seemed as angry as expected, but Ivan kept his apparent calm and glanced at Sua, who was drinking her tea as if she had already heard the news.
Of course, she knew. If Mizi knew something, it meant Sua knew too.
“How’s Hyuna?”
Ivan was the first to speak because Till looked too angry to speak, and it was hard to guess his reaction.
“She heard from me. She didn’t show much of a reaction, but I’m sure she’s angry.”
Ivan knew that Luka’s departure wasn’t permanent, but he wasn’t expecting his return, at least not this year.
“You must have heard something, Ivan.”
As Sua looked at him suspiciously, he could see Mizi and Till’s surprised gazes shift to him, but Ivan didn’t change his stance to avoid giving them any more suspicion.
“I haven’t been home for a while, but if he’s back, I’m sure we’ll run into him at one of the parties.”
No one had ever been as good at drawing attention as Luka.
No matter where he went, everyone’s attention was on Luka, but Luka’s attention was always only on one person.
Hyuna.
What a shame that it wasn’t mutual.
“What do you think, Ivan?”
Ivan snapped out of his thoughts when Mizi called his name, looking at her with eyes that indicated he didn’t understand.
“About what?”
“Luka’s return, idiot. Do you think it’s for a project or something?”
Ignoring Till’s attempt to insult him, Ivan narrowed his eyes.
Hm…
“Maybe.”
“What?!”
Till looked at Ivan in disbelief as Ivan calmly sipped his coffee, noticing it had gone cold, and unhappily returned it to the table.
“Maybe he’ll be in my new film.”
A deep silence.
“Are you messing with us?”
Till’s threatening cold voice reached his ears, and Ivan could see him clenching his fists as if preparing for a fight. In response, Ivan narrowed his eyes and smiled, as if looking down on Till, knowing how annoying it was.
“In the movie, Mizi’s partner will be Luka. If Luka accepts the offer.”
They had already signed the deal with Luka. If you ask Ivan for his excuse, this was a contract signed before Luka left.
"You… are you—”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you looking for a fight? If that’s what you want, I can give it to you.”
As Ivan stood up in anger, he looked at Till, who had knocked his chair over, and Sua, who was sitting upright in her chair like a cat ready to pounce.
“Both of you, calm down. The one who will make the decision is Mizi, right?”
Ignoring both of them, Ivan looked at Mizi, noticing her cold tone that she always used whenever they discussed work.
“I have a condition—”
“Mizi—”
“You don’t have to do this, I can take care of this idiot right now—”
As Mizi told them to calm down and sit down to silence them, she turned back to Ivan.
“I have a condition. And that is, if Hyuna agrees to something like this, the decisions throughout the film will be up to her.”
Ivan considered it. Convincing Hyuna wouldn’t be the hard part. The difficult part would be getting Luka to submit to Hyuna’s decisions for the entire film.
“As long as it doesn’t disrupt the script, I have no objection.”
Mizi smiled again, clearly pleased, while Ivan gave her a smile he hoped was reassuring.
“I’ll talk to Hyuna Noona today.”
After all, since this was all happening because of her, he was sure she could do at least that much.
The rest of the meeting passed with Mizi trying to comfort Sua and Till.
•
“Hyuna Noona. Can we talk?”
Hyuna raised an eyebrow at Ivan’s sudden request, opening her apartment door calmly to invite him in.
“I know you have to go to work, but this won’t take long.”
“What’s going on?”
As Hyuna showed a beer she’d taken out from the fridge, Ivan shook his head in refusal and sat down on the couch with cigarette burns on it without a second thought.
“I want Luka to star in my new movie, but without you, Mizi won’t act.”
Hyuna gave a mocking laugh, and Ivan could only sigh. It seemed this was going to be a long conversation.
“Alright.”
Ivan stared at her in shock, like a fish out of water.
“I don’t really care. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to punch that son of a bitch for what he did, but we’re not kids anymore. We should at least learn to ignore each other.”
Ivan couldn’t help but admire her a little. He could never show such maturity.
When it came to Till, he could never do it.
“I’ll be waiting for you at the shoot, then.”
Hyuna adjusted her suit with a smirk as she stood up from the couch and followed Ivan out of the apartment.
“We’ll see. I might come, I might not.”
As Hyuna teased him, Ivan only shrugged because he knew the truth.
Hyuna never ran away. She chased.
“I still have a feeling I’ll see you there.”
“Want me to drop you off?”
“No need. I’m meeting Till.”
As Hyuna brought out her motorcycle, which was securely locked, she ignored him.
“Your loss.”
And… yes, Hyuna had been easier to convince than expected.
He’d even prepared a few scenarios in case he had to play the sympathy card.
Ivan: Just talked to Hyuna Noona. She’s in.
Mizi: Let me know when you talk to Luka.
Ah, right.
Luka.
Ivan didn’t really care about that part.
•
“Hey.”
“Screw off.”
Till smacked Ivan’s hand away when he reached out, keeping his eyes glued to the television.
“I got you cigarettes and chocolate.”
When he realized that still hadn’t piqued Till’s interest, he sighed, walked into the kitchen, and started boiling water for coffee.
“Want coffee or tea? There are still beers in the fridge.”
…
No answer. Again.
Fine, then.
While waiting for the water to boil, Ivan cleaned up the trash in the kitchen and washed the dishes in the sink, knowing Till would never do it if he didn’t.
To an outsider, Till might seem pretty messy, but Ivan liked that about him.
It gave him a chance to do things for Till without him getting angry. It made it easier to carve out a place in Till’s life.
He no longer had to steal his belongings like he did when they were kids.
When he heard the sound indicating the water was ready, Ivan moved to take it off the stove, eyeing the dirty stove that Till hadn’t cleaned despite not even cooking.
How was that possible?
“I talked to Hyuna Noona. She’s in.”
As Ivan returned to the living room with coffee and a beer, he noticed Till opening one of the chocolates Ivan had brought, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he sat beside him on the couch.
“What’s the deal with you and Luka, anyway?”
Ivan shifted uncomfortably at the unexpected question.
He couldn’t tell Till the truth but didn’t want to lie, either.
If there was one thing Ivan hated more than lying, it was lying to Till.
“Do you remember what happened after the concert you did with Luka?”
Till turned to him, looking confused.
“You mean the breakup fight between Hyuna and Luka? What about it?”
Ivan couldn’t help but chuckle because that fight was more than just a breakup argument.
•••
“Where’s that son of a bitch?”
Hyuna’s hair was disheveled as if she’d come out of a fight, one eye bruised, and she was holding her stomach with one hand.
“Hyuna—”
“Where’s Luka?”
“Miss, are you sure you’re okay—”
Pushing the man who was asking unnecessary questions aside, Hyuna quickly opened the door to Luka’s room with her free hand.
“Hyuna!”
Mizi was the first to snap out of the shock and go to help Hyuna.
Then Sua supported her from the other side, and Till wasn’t in the room because he was having a nervous breakdown over the issues he had with Luka at the concert.
“What… What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Ivan couldn’t say he was the closest person to Hyuna, but he knew he was Luka’s bodyguard and that he had a close relationship with Mizi—something Sua was quite jealous of, which was actually amusing to watch.—
“What’s the problem, Hyuna?”
Luka’s lack of hesitation and indifference to the scene before him made everyone’s blood boil as Hyuna stepped forward, pulling away from Sua and Mizi’s support to confront Luka.
“You know exactly what you did. What? Did you think I’d never find out?”
As Hyuna loomed over Luka, demanding an explanation, Ivan took a glance at her injured stomach.
If she could stay standing despite that wound, she must really be strong.
“No, I actually knew you’d find out someday.”
“Then why—”
“You won’t like the real answer.”
“Try me.”
“I wanted to keep you with me as long as possible.”
The intensity of that sentence made Ivan feel like he was witnessing a scene he shouldn’t be a part of, which was unusual since Ivan was never known to be shy.
“You… fuck off.”
“Yes, I said you wouldn’t like it.”
“We’re talking about my brother here, Luka! What were you thinking?!”
Her brother? Hyuna had a brother? Ivan made a mental note to look into that later.
“If you’re interested in my excuse, I didn’t know he was your brother at first.”
“But you knew he’d end up getting himself killed.”
Dead? Was her brother dead? That couldn’t be. Ivan was an only child, but he’d seen people who had lost family members before, and Hyuna didn’t seem like someone who had just lost her brother. She looked like a warrior.
“…Maybe? I guess I didn’t care much.”
“You—”
“What? Why should I care if someone I don’t know lives or dies? The answer’s simple. Why would I care? Where do you think we live?”
Ivan found himself siding with Luka, and this reality made him frown. Everything about Luka made him angry after his disrespectful behavior toward Till on stage. What a disgusting man.
“Stay out of my sight.”
“Hyuna—”
“I mean it. I’m quitting. If I see you again, things won’t end well.”
And with that, she left the room with Mizi and Sua’s help, while Ivan saw for the first time the helplessness in Luka’s eyes.
His hand was raised as if he wanted to reach out to her, a symbol of his helplessness, like a kicked dog.
Ivan then watched as Luka, as if just remembering Ivan’s presence, angrily exited the room.
He could hear Till muttering curses as Luka bumped into him on his way out, but Ivan was too busy wondering.
Hyuna.
Who was this girl that could make someone like Luka helpless?
•••
“So… you’re saying that Luka lent money to Hyuna Noona’s brother before she became his bodyguard. The brother went behind his sister’s back, trying to repay the debt, and ended up screwed? And even though Luka knew, he didn’t tell Hyuna Noona.”
Ivan shrugged. What did Hyun Woo expect when he took money from the mafia? The outcome was obvious. But even though everyone here knew how it would end, they kept making the same mistakes, so maybe it was something to do with the way things his father manage?
His father must be making a good profit from this.
“Wait, you don’t agree with that bastard Luka, do you?”
Ivan didn’t respond because he could feel Till was already angry.
“What if it were me? Or Mizi? Sua?”
Ivan grumbled in response. Did Till think he was only in it for the money?
"I wouldn't ask for the money back from you." "Where are you listening to the question from?!"
"It doesn't matter. In the end, I'm not Luka, and you're not Hyuna."
"You’re misunderstanding the whole thing."
Ivan watched lovingly as Till had a small nervous breakdown beside him, and he noticed the chocolate stain on the part of his cheek that was very close to his lip.
Hmm...
"Till."
"What-"
And of course, he licked it. What else was he supposed to do? Wipe it off with a napkin?
Never.
"You're disgusting! Fuck off and die!"
Ivan giggled like a high school girl and let Till punch him.
This time, he may have crossed the line a little.