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Claudia didn’t remember when Lestat came into her life or when he became her father. To her, back then, he was always there. Simply. He was her father, her second father. Things started to change when she went to school and kids started asking her questions about her family and Claudia became confused about it.
Her blonde daddy was the one to pick her up. Sometimes it was Daddy Lou, sometimes it was Aunt Grace. Aunt Grace liked to call Papa her blonde daddy . Daddy Lou would laugh but Papa Les would flash her a tight smile.
As her father reheated dinner, Claudia sat at the counter and flapped her legs back and forth, observing her father. He was a tall and big man to her. He could easily pick Claudia up and often carried her on his shoulders even though she was a big girl now. She liked his curly hair that sat on his shoulders and was tied in a back at that moment. He muttered something in French but Claudia was too small to understand anything. He’d been teaching her but she suspected that’s the advanced level she didn’t know yet.
“Papa Les,” Claudia started quietly.
“Yes, ma petite?” He answered, looking up from the plates. She wasn't sure if his eyes were blue or grey, but they were very different from her green ones or Daddy’s brown. He quirked an eyebrow, sending her an encouraging smile.
“How come I don’t have a mom?” Lestat furrowed his brows.
“You do, chéri. We talked about this, haven’t we?”
“So, where is she?” She pouted. Her father came close to her and gathered her into his arms before walking them to the couch and settling down with Claudia on his lap.
“She’s not here anymore. She died when you were a baby. Grandma died, too. You remember that, non?” Claudia nodded. She remembered being sad. She remembered Daddy Lou crying in the living room and her Auntie holding him in her arms. “You have a mom, chéri. She just can’t be here anymore.”
“How was she?”
“I don’t know. I never met her. I met you and Daddy Lou after she was gone.” Her father’s voice was gentle, she rarely heard it to be so gentle.
“You didn’t know me like always?” Claudia was visibly confused.
“Non, you were one year old when I met you and Daddy.”
“That’s weird. You’re my daddy. How come you didn’t know me.” Claudia wondered out loud.
“You’ll understand as you grow up,” She hated when her fathers would say this.
Later that day, as she played with her dolls, she could hear her fathers talking about something in hushed voices. They would do it sometimes. Most of the time, it meant nothing but other times they’d come back to the living room to pick her up for sleep and she would sense that something was wrong. Daddy Lou would forget to read to her for bed. Daddy Les would be lost in his thoughts and tugging on her hair as he shampooed her locks.
“Daddy,” She would whine.
“Apologies, sometimes your Daddy Lou says such nonsensical stuff,” She would furrow her brows but say nothing. She didn’t understand what he meant.
This time, after their conversation in the kitchen, Daddy Lou entered the room and opened his arms for Claudia to jump into them. Auntie Grace sometimes said she was carried around too much but Claudia liked how safe she felt in both her fathers' arms. “C’mon, princess. It’s hair wash day.”
As he washed her hair in the bathtub, he started talking about her mom.
“I’m sorry for not talking about her enough. You must be confused.”
Her name was Lily. She was his friend. They loved each other dearly. She was his best friend. Then, they found out they would have a daughter when they were in college. They had Claudia. Then, her mom died when she was five months old. She was sick. Claudia cried without fully grasping why she was in tears. It wasn't shampoo this time.
Her father put a towel around her and picked her up from the bathtub. “It’s okay, baby. Shhh. I know, I know.”
“What if you get sick? Or Papa? I don’t wanna lose anyone.” She cried into his shirt. She never wanted to leave her dad’s arms.
“I’m not sick. I’ll be here for you, Claudia. I’ll never leave you.” He reassured her times and times again.
“And Papa?”
“Where would Papa go? His place is next to you,”
Claudia nodded and chose to believe her father this time. He was right most of the time.
Claudia was eleven when she heard a fight between her parents. Looking back on it all, it was a pivotal moment in her relationship with her fathers and how it unfolded after that. She heard them argue plenty of times but that day was different. Claudia was too aware of her parent's issues, too aware for an eleven-year-old girl. She sometimes felt like she should interfere and make it better. She didn’t like how they would both start screaming, voices loud and raw, ugly words and ugly looks on their faces.
Claudia sat on the floor outside their bedroom, the door was cracked slightly. She didn’t care if they saw her and they were too lost in the moment to notice anything anyway. Claudia looked through the crack to see Louis standing in the middle of the room, his arms in the air. Her other father was on the opposite side of the room, his arms crossed across his chest, not looking at his husband as his eyes were glued to the window.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re fucking insane.” She heard Louis’s voice. She didn’t like calling either of them daddy anymore. “How could you forget to bring her to her performance? She had been waiting for months for this. She sat at home alone and waited for you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. They were arguing about her. Again.
“I told you, I haven’t realized it was today. I was at the rehearsal for a play that is debuting tomorrow . Must I apologize that I am busy?” Lestat’s French accent was always stronger when he was upset.
“She called me but I was in the meeting. She called Grace. She didn’t call you!” Louis spitted out, and Claudia heard the pure anger in his voice. He never used this tone against her.
“What are you saying, Louis? I am a horrible father? Sure! Make me the worst person alive if you need,”
“Levi had to drive her there. Imagine my surprise when I showed up at school and there was no you and Claudia was crying! Even an eleven-year-old already knows you can’t be relied on.” Louis pretended he didn’t hear Lestat as he went on. She heard Lestat’s snort. Her lip wobbled.
“Here you go! Lestat, we can’t trust you with shit! Lestat grow up finally! She didn’t miss it, so why are you making it a bigger deal than it is?” Lestat screamed back. He sounded like an angry man from movies she sometimes watched. She could barely recognize his voice.
“She’s doing theatre because she wants to connect with you and impress you, and your presence there was the most important thing to her! But you weren’t there .”
“Fuck, am I supposed to torture myself with a flock because I missed one thing?”
“You don’t even care, what the fuck? She’s your daughter!” Louis sounded exasperated.
“Is she?”
The silence that followed was so heavy Claudia could feel it settling on her chest, making it hard to breathe. She pulled her knees to her body and hugged herself.
“I can’t believe what you just said. I can’t even look at you,” Louis’s voice was quiet this time.
“You trapped me, you made me her father, you pulled me into this family stuff…”
“Trap you? What the fuck? Are you hearing yourself?” Louis laughed. “I didn’t trap you with shit, definitely not my daughter,” She heard the emphasis on the word my . “You are free to walk away at any moment, if you’re, oh , so tired of playing house with us.”
She heard heavy steps but she didn't care to move or run away. They could see her. The damage was done, the glass had already shattered. After a few seconds, Lestat emerged from the room and his heavy gaze landed on her. She raised her head to meet his eyes and they stared at each other for a few seconds. She could feel the hot tears blurring her vision, her heart was pounding in her chest. His eyes were glossy but she doubted it was for the same reason as hers.
“Yeah, go, sure! That’s what Lestat always does when things get hard!” She heard her other father’s voice coming from the room. Then, the moment went away and Lestat was gone, down the stairs, shutting the door on the way out.
She buried her face in her legs and felt the tears escaping.
“Oh, Claudia,” Louis stood above her with the most devastating face she had seen on him. He looked like he was here to deliver her the news that yes, your father hates you .
“Is he gonna leave us now?” She asked.
“Claudia,”
“I asked. Is he gonna leave us?” She screamed, not being able to control all those emotions swirling in her head. She got up, suddenly so angry. At the world, at her mom being dead, at her fathers being the way they were. “Leave me fucking alone!”
“Claudia!”
She locked herself in the room and ignored all the begging from her father to talk. He was persistent, his presence suffocating her even if a big wall and doors separated them. He could never give her space. He always wanted to work the problem out.
Eventually, he gave up and she fell asleep. She woke up in the middle of the night to a nightmare that left her with a beating heart and sweaty skin. It was silly, she knew that. She was too big for that, she knew that. She got up and let her feet touch the cold floor as she left the room and ran across the hallway to her parents' room. Claudia put her ear to the door, trying to test the waters. She didn’t want to interfere in another fight or worse. She was met with silence.
She cracked the door open. Her fathers slept on the opposite sides of the bed with their backs to each other, creating a space in the middle. She took a few hesitant steps and watched her father stir in his sleep. Then, he opened his blue eyes, and the breath was caught in Claudia’s throat.
“Claudia?”
She had so many things she wanted to say.
“I had a nightmare.”
She watched his eyes soften as he understood. Ever since she was a baby, she had a hard time dealing with them. Often, she slept with her fathers for weeks.
“Come here, then.”
She nodded and climbed onto the bed, settling in the middle, her father tucking her in. As she got comfortable, her other father woke up, grunting quietly. He rolled over to look at Her, eyes barely opened but worried.
“What is it, honey?”
“She had a bad dream,” Her father answered for her, she watched as they exchanged a conversation with their eyes. They’d do that when a topic wasn’t suited for Claudia’s ears.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Come here, baby.” She came closer and buried her face in her father’s chest. Then, she felt Lestat’s hesitant hand touching her hair gently. She should have braided it before falling asleep but Louis was always the one to do it. Lots of hands wrapped around her, she wasn’t sure which one was whose.
Claudia felt too big for all this pampering.
“Can we light up the lamp?”
“Of course, ma petite.” The small lamp, in the corner of the room, which was bought for this exact reason, lit up.
She fell asleep fast.
When she woke up, Louis was gone; her other father was sitting on the bed . She stayed quiet.
“Chéri,” It was all he said.
“Did he tell you to apologize?” She asked, her voice hoarse from all the crying she’d done yesterday. She grimaced hearing herself. Her father’s face fell.
“Oh, chéri,” She loathed the concern in his voice. “I came to apologize because I want to…”
“Did he tell you to come here and apologize?” She repeated, interrupting him, which she knew he hated.
“Non, I want to apologize because I feel bad about yesterday. I know I hurt you,”
Claudia didn’t believe him. She believed her other father dragged him here and told him to say all the right things.
“When you leave us are you still going to be my daddy? Chloe’s dad left in second grade and she never saw him since that.”
“Claudia,” He choked out. “I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you father and I’m not leaving you.”
Claudia pouted her lips and looked away. She couldn’t stand his eyes looking so sad and tortured like he had a reason for that. He moved closer and touched her hand, squeezing it when he didn’t hear her protests.
“I am sorry, I have a present for you.”
There were always presents with her father. Angry words, screams, venom slipping from his lips, only to smother it all with presents the next day. Presents and pet names.
Claudia was only eleven, though. She let herself get lulled by her father’s sweet words, gentle voice, and dose of presents. Her armor cracked as he hugged and held her close to his chest. His voice was teary as he told her she was everything she had. She let him tell her all these things and she believed him this time.
Claudia was almost thirteen when she got back home from school and the first thing she heard was: “Claudia, please join your father and me in the kitchen.” She wanted to roll her eyes at her father’s voice. All she dreamt about was going upstairs and locking herself in her bedroom.
When she entered the kitchen, she saw her parents sitting side by side at their dining table. She sat down on the opposite side. Somehow, she already knew what was happening. It wasn’t a bomb they were dropping on her, it wasn’t life-shattering information but it broke her heart just the same.
“Your father and I,” Louis started, looking directly at her, his face twisted like he was in pain. “We are no longer together, we are going to get a divorce.”
Daddy Louis looked at her like he expected her to combust on the spot. She snorted instead. Her father’s expression changed at once. He looked surprised and offended at her reaction. Her fathers still acted like she was five and didn’t understand anything about them. Maybe, they liked being oblivious to her growing up but Claudia grew and observed. She was a professional at observing her fathers. She noticed every time Daddy Les pursued his lips in annoyance at something his husband said or Daddy Louis’s face twisted in disgust at something the other man did. Louis never went out with Lestat’s theater friends for drinks anymore. Louis was the only one taking her to the movies these days. They ignored each other during their entire vacation in Italy. Claudia would have preferred staying with her aunt like their cat.
“Say something, ma petite,” She resented those pet names these days. Her father always thought it was the best way to show his love to her. It felt hollow.
Claudia looked around their kitchen to avoid their burning eyes. Her father would not be standing at the stove flipping back pancakes, his hair pulled into half-up. He would not be sitting on the kitchen counter, flipping through theatre scripts. She would not find him sleeping on their mustard sofa during the afternoons.
“Are you still going to be my father?” She asked. “Since you’re not like my proper dad, are you still gonna be around?”
She took weird satisfaction from seeing her fathers look so visibly uncomfortable. Lestat shifted in his seat and looked away. Louis made this funny face, she could never tell if it was sadness or resentment.
“I am your proper father. Obviously , we both can’t be your biological fathers.” Lestat said, his voice annoyed.
“Lestat!”
“You were confused about it sometimes so I’m just asking,” She knew what she was doing. She wanted to hurt them.
“Claudia, why are you-”
“Stop it, this is hard for her,” Louis stopped Lestat before he could say something.
Here they go.
“So, two houses, two Christmases, two rooms?”
“Claudia, I know this is difficult. I am sorry, love. Our love for you will not change, though.” Her father tried to soothe her with his sweet voice. She wouldn’t hear any of it. It all sounded fake.
“Why are you divorcing? You don’t love each other? Did he cheat?” She went on. She heard their hushed voices fight during the evenings. Lestat had a lingering gaze, according to her father.
“Your father and I, we…we do not work well anymore, as a marriage. But we will always be a family because we have you.”
“We’ll see about that, I guess,” Claudia said. Her eyes shifted to Lestat, who sat quietly and didn’t contribute much.
“Are you okay?” Her father asked finally.
“Well,” Claudia didn’t know if she was okay. “It was a long time coming, wasn’t it?” Then she got up and left the kitchen before either could say anything. She wanted to escape those sad brown eyes and icy blue gaze. They could both go fuck themselves.
She was furious. Her father forgot to pick her up from her friend’s house. Again. His phone was turned off. Again. She had to ask Chloe’s mom to drive her to his apartment and apologize for the inconvenience. Again.
She stood at his door, buzzing with anger, tears ready to spill at any moment. She banged on the door. Her fists were clenched so hard she felt her nails puncturing her skin. She wanted to go to her other father's house but he was on a work trip and she wasn’t allowed to sleep alone at the house, no matter how many times she begged. It was so humiliating standing at the door and begging her other father to care about her. For a second, she feared he wasn’t even there and she would have to call her dad after all and create more problems for him, then, the door opened.
It wasn’t her father standing in front of her, though. It was his whore.
“Hello, Claudia,” The woman dared to say to her.
“Fuck off.” She pushed past her and came into the apartment. She was seeing red as she stomped over to her father’s bedroom.
“Lestat,” She seethed through her teeth as she took into his appearance. He sat on his bed, very clearly undressed and barely covering himself with sheets. He didn’t even look embarrassed. He flipped his hair, raised his eyebrows at her, and shifted on the bed.
“Father, Dad, Papa, Daddy,” He answered. “Not Lestat to you.”
“ Lestat ,” She enjoyed the way his jaw hardened. “Couldn’t even bother answering the door after you didn’t bother to have your phone turned on after you didn’t bother to pick me up as I asked you yesterday ? Because Dad is on a work trip! Of course, you couldn’t bother, as I see now, because you were too busy fucking your side piece!”
“Language, missy.” If Lestat had one thing, it was the audacity.
“I hope you get sick and die,” She screamed into his face, “I hate you so much.”
“Claudia!” He screamed back at her.
“You’re so fucking embarrassing. Chloe’s mom wanted to walk me to the door! She would see your flat-ass whore at the door instead of my father! I had to beg her to just let me go because I knew you’d embarrass me! I was right, of course!”
“That is enough!” He stood up close to her. He was too close but Claudia was never the one to back away from a fight with him, even if she was both angry and scared. “You watch yourself with what you’re saying. Maybe you're used to your daddy’s coddling and that’s why you’re so spoiled but you won’t talk to me this way.” His eyes were cold, and his body was big and intimidating. It didn’t remind her of safety anymore. Lestat was a big, angry man.
“What did I ever do to you for you to hate me so much, huh?” She spitted out, raising her tone. “I remind you of him, is that it? And you ruined your life by ruining it with him so now you will hate me for it?” She could feel tears on her cheeks. “You’re gonna punish me for having his face and love?”
“Claudia,” Bringing her father into the conversation was dangerous. Lestat was particularly sensitive when his infidelity was brought up.
“I am going to Aunt Grace tomorrow. You don’t have to bother. I’ll take a bus.”
“Always walking away from the conversation!”
“Wonder who I got it from!”
But then, she didn’t want to go to her room. She stomped away from her father before he could catch her and walked through the door. She didn’t want to run away or anything like that. She just wanted to get away from that apartment and from her father. From his coworker who ruined her parents' marriage.
She ran down the stairs of the apartment complex and grunted in frustration, knowing there was nowhere she could go. She settled for sitting on the sidewalk across from the building. She wanted to scream and cry and die and kill her father. She threw her backpack on the grass. She knew if her other dad saw her he would be appalled by her screams and anger.
But Claudia felt painfully alone, realizing, once again, that her warm, loving childhood was gone. All she had left was one overbearing parent, one parent who didn’t even feel like her parent anymore, and a dead mother who she never got to know. Nowadays, all she did was push against both of them.
Lestat did come out to look for her after some time. She observed his walking figure before he saw her. He always strutted like he had some business to do, his back a bit too straight, his shoulders moving along with his hips. Uncle Levi called it a gay walk. Aunt Grace told him to never say that again.
Claudia saw his face changing when he saw her, tight mouth and eyebrows relaxing. Her anger resembled a coal stone when he finally approached her. He sat next to her and stayed quiet.
“I am sorry.”
Their family functioned like this for years: fights, bitter words, accusations, tears. They pretended nothing happened the next day. Everything smoothed over with a sorry and a broken smile.
“Heard that one before.” She croaked out, her gaze focused on the sky. The moon was on display, a full moon in all its beauty.
“I don’t know why I keep fucking up,” He added. His voice was heavy but quiet, his French accent heavier than ever. He was a loud man, who filled the space with his presence and volume. Louis sometimes said she had that after him.
She hummed. “You’re pretty fucked up,” He snickered.
“I don’t wanna lose you.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?”
“Why do you not wanna lose me?”
“You’re my daughter.”
“Am I? Or am I the last thing you have left of Dad? With me gone out of your life, he’s gone, too.”
“Don’t say that. Claudia, don’t say that.” He sounded panicked at her words.
“Why? Isn’t that true? Dad always says that I’m just like you. So if I am, you can be honest for once.” She fixed her gaze on the stars. “I know you miss him. I’m not stupid. I hear you crying in your bedroom. It’s rather pathetic”
She hated it when Lestat was quiet. It felt more natural to hear him scream and flush in anger. He was rarely quiet during their arguments and bickering.
“Stop being cruel and tell me.” She knew he could hear tears in her voice. “Just stop. Stop making me knock on your door to find your girlfriend and you naked while I was calling non-stop hoping you turn your phone on. It’s too cruel even for you, Lestat.”
“I don’t wanna be cruel,” She finally dared to look at him. All that was her father: smooth skin with first wrinkles, messy blonde hair, chic haircut, bloodshot eyes. She eyed his expression as he stared at the concrete: emotions were always on display with him, unlike her other father.
“Well, you are,” Claudia stated. “I am tired of clinging to you. Say you don’t love me, Lestat. ”
He moved so sharply as his eyes searched hers. Sometimes it felt like looking in the mirror.
“I’ll never say that because that is not true.” She shook her head. She saw how desperate he looked as his eyes were searching for understanding.
“Something has to change, then.” She whispered in the dark as she stood up “I think I’ll stop coming over for weekends for some time.”
“Stay tomorrow, though. We can do something fun together. You and me.”
“And her?” He shook his head. “She has to be gone forever. I don’t ever wanna see her face anymore.” He said nothing. “I don’t know,” Claudia said after a longer silence, not bearing this broken look on her father’s face. The naive part of her wanted to agree and get charmed by that side of Lestat again, Lestat who could make anyone love him by simply existing.
“Claudia, please, I beg you.”
“Let’s go upstairs. I’m pretty tired.” was all she said to him, turning on her foot and walking away from her father.
Claudia was sixteen and tired of following the rules her father kept repeating to her. She decided to skip school and bring her boyfriend home to make out on her little girl's bed. Her father was at work anyway.
Peter kept one of his hands loosely around her waist as she unlocked the door. She giggled to herself for finally doing something adventurous and stepped into the house with Peter following after her.
“Oh my fucking God,” She whispered as she took in the scene unfolding before her eyes on their mustard couch.
Her fathers were holding each other close, lost in a violent kiss. Lestat’s hands on her father’s face, Louis's hand in Lestat’s pants.
“What the fuck?” Claudia screamed making both her parents and Peter jump. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Those are your fathers, right?” She heard Peter asking but she paid him no mind. All she saw was the way her parents jumped apart. They were both shirtless and she knew the image of her father removing his hand from Lestat’s pants would haunt her during the sleepless nights.
“Huh?” Claudia stared at their frozen faces. They were so stupid .
“Ah, this is rather embarrassing. My apologies,” Lestat said but he was focused on Peter. “Your name, again?”
“Peter, Mister…uhm,”
“de Lioncourt. Claudia’s second father.” He offered his hand to Peter and Claudia hated thinking about where that hand was in the last ten minutes.
“Right,” Peter muttered as he came closer to the couch to squeeze Lestat’s hand.
“No, no, no.” Claudia chanted as she joined this scene by the couch. “This isn’t about me and him. This is about what the fuck you two are doing? You’re divorced!”
“Claudia,” Louis started but was cut off by Lestat.
“This isn’t your business, ma petite démon. We are adults.” Lestat shrugged his naked shoulders.
“This is my business! You constantly make your stormy romance my fucking business.” Claudia took a shuddering breath. “Can’t believe you are doing this to me!” She was a second away from stomping her foot.
“She swears too much, Louis, my god,” Lestat said quietly as he stood up from the couch and put his hair behind his ears.
Claudia knew this side of her father. This was the flirty, annoying, in love with her father Lestat. Lestat, which should have been dead and buried.
“What are you doing here, Claudia?” Louis asked as he looked between her and Peter, puzzle pieces falling into places in his head. “Did you skip school to come here with your boyfriend and have sex?” She gasped at her father’s straightforwardness.
“I didn’t!” Claudia threw her hands in the air. “You’re the one who didn’t go to work as you said in the morning to have sex with your ex-husband!”
“You’re a child!” Louis accused standing up from the couch.
“I am sixteen! I am not a child! You two are children!”
“And you’re skipping school! Claudia!” Her father threw accusations at her.
“Ugh!” She looked between her fathers. Lestat smirked, he was seeking some enjoyment from the whole thing. “Well, since I’m not having sex now because you two are, I am going back to school. Let’s go Peter.” She grabbed him by the arm.
“Nice to meet you, Mr.Lioncourt.”
“I’d like to see you again, young man. Since you’re my daughter’s paramour.”
“Claudia! No, you’re staying home!” Before she could go anywhere, Louis grabbed her arm making her stop in her tracks. “We have to talk.”
“Claude, I think I’m going to go,” Peter said as he started stepping back from the scene.
" Claude ?” Lestat’s eyes grew at the nickname. “Claudia, please.”
“No, Peter!” He was gone before she could say more and she was left alone in the living room with both of her fathers who were still shirtless.
“Great!” Claudia seethed. “Now, he’s gonna break up with me because you two are freaks!”
“Would that be such a tragedy?” Lestat muttered. He picked up a shirt from the ground and put it on, her other father following his suit.
“You’re skipping school and you’re bringing a boy to our house ‘cause you thought I’d be at work.” Louis started, looking her in the eyes, pointing an accusatory finger at her and squirting his eyes. “Let’s talk about that,”
“So what? Is that what you want to hear, Daddy? That I brought him here to have sex with him?” Claudia fired back. “Yes! That is what was going to happen. You’re precious little Claudia was going to do what the big adults are doing!”
“Enough!” Lestat protested causing her to roll her eyes.
“Claudia, I will have to ground you for that,” Louis said calmly even though she saw his twisted expression at her words.
“Whatever! It’s not like he’s ever going to hang out with me again after seeing my dads rub their dicks against each other.”
At least they had the decency to look embarrassed.
“Claudia, for God’s sake! Don’t say such stuff!” Louis grew frustrated with her, she could see that. It was more evident these days that he was tired of parenting someone as wild and unaccommodating as her.
“It’s the truth! And I also saw it!”
“You wouldn’t have if you stayed at school, missy.” Lestat chimed in.
“Are we going to talk about the fact that you were going to have a little affair on our couch?” Claudia narrowed her eyes at her fathers, ignoring Louis’s words. “Are you back together?
“No,” Louis shook his head at the same time as Lestat said:
“I’d say yes.” She snorted.
“Right. You’re both just acting on impulse like you always do!” Claudia couldn’t handle her own body as she started walking around the living room, tired of the burning gazes of her fathers. “You both claim that everything you do is for me but it couldn’t be further from the truth. All Louis and Lestat ever do is for themselves only!”
All the built-up from years of being juggled between them was coming out. Claudia was always torn between two fathers, who couldn’t get over each other: constant visits and questions about each other. How is he? Is he seeing anyone? What’s the name of this boyfriend of his? How is your father? Is he holding up well? She watched Lestat crash out every time he missed Louis, taking out his frustrations on her, and ignoring her needs. She watched Louis get sad for weeks on time to the point she had to go to his room and invite him for breakfast, dinner, lunch,
“Why do I even bother?” She sat down on the armchair next to the couch. It had all been said before, she said it all before. “I’ll just have to endure you.”
The thing was that Claudia knew her fathers loved her. She knew most people wouldn’t understand them and their dynamics but she felt their love and affection. Their family wasn’t miserable. There were so many good moments. They encouraged her to be herself, seek new things, and hang out with different people. They helped her understand what it meant to be herself in the first place. Louis showered her with his attention, Lestat always asked for more time after divorce. Claudia was a beautiful combination of both of them and her own person at the same time. She pondered over the question if she should overlook all their wrongs because there were more good things.
Lestat did neglect her at one point, he prioritized his pain and heartbreak. He shouted hurtful words at her when she was too angry and outspoken. Claudia wanted to hate him for it. It would be easy to hate and chop him off like a cord. But she was too terribly scared of the future without him in it: his joy, bright presence, and love.
Claudia looked up at her fathers standing above her, with their concerned looks, furrowed eyebrows, and tight mouths.
“Truth for once,” She started. “Do you wanna get back together?” Her fathers looked at each other, she saw the love exchanged in the shy glances.
“Well, I do not think it is a big surprise for all of us that I do want to get back with your father. I wanted that for some time, now.” Lestat shrugged his shoulders like it was nonchalant and he didn’t bear something raw to his family. He looked at Claudia and briefly at Louis. “Not an easy thing to admit, yes. Since we have been caught by our Claudia… I guess, there is no point denying it.”
“Thank you, Dad,” Claudia said and shifted her eyes to Louis. “Please. Truth, Dad. It’s just us.” She added, knowing how hard it was for her other father to share his feelings, how guarded he was.
Louis sighed as he brought his hand to his forehead and squeezed lightly. She knew he was fighting something.
“I can say that I’ve been thinking about your father again. I do have feelings for him, I’ll always have. But it’s not easy to just…I have…we have you to think about first and foremost.”
“Dad, please stop using this tired-ass excuse! Stop making it about me, when you hurt me in the middle of protecting me,” Louis twisted his lips. “You’ve known each other for fifteen years. You’re both forty. If you’re not figuring it out now, then when?”
“Every family conversation ends in some groundbreaking revelations, it seems,” Lestat said grimly. “We have a very smart daughter, Louis.”
All left was heavy silence and an exhausted atmosphere. Three pairs avoided each other as they breathed and reeled in what was said and done.
“I’m going to my room. Yes, I know I’m grounded.”
“Okay, okay,” Louis said to her. “Come down for lunch, ok? We can eat together. All of us.” He added as he glanced at Lestat. Claudia nodded.
“Do you think she’s actually having sex with that boy?” It was the last thing Claudia heard as she climbed up the stairs. Despite the fog that clouded her head, she smiled to herself hearing that.
“My therapist said I am too involved in my parents’ relationship.”
Louis glanced up from his cake. They had this tradition of going out to a cafe every Friday after he would pick her up from school. Claudia got to indulge in as much cake and pie as she wanted to before dinner, Louis drank two cups of coffee back to back without judgment.
“I agree with her,” She added cheerily. “But not getting involved is hard. It means setting boundaries. She has no idea that is simply not happening in the de Pointe du Lac de Lioncourt household.”
Louis looked down, a crease arising between his brows. Claudia went to therapy for a couple of months after the divorce but eventually, she refused more sessions. She’s been back for a few weeks after walking on her parents.
“She says that I think that I need to save you. She thinks I feel like I am responsible for your emotions.”
Louis took an audible breath and glanced at her again.
“We didn’t handle the divorce well,” Louis stated, Claudia shrugged, biting the corner of her mouth.
“You probably didn’t know how to handle it. It’s not like you did it on purpose,”
“I didn’t,” Louis admitted. “But it doesn’t lift the responsibility from my shoulders.
Claudia only nodded. They sat silent for a longer moment: Claudia sipped on her matcha and devoured the tiramisu as her father watched her every move. Louis had this habit of watching her so intensely almost as if he feared she would disappear if he didn’t. Claudia didn’t mind, she enjoyed his warm eyes on her.
“I think my therapist would agree with that.”
“I am sorry, Claudia. I know it’s not enough—the apology. I’ll try harder, ok? I shouldn’t have made you responsible for my feelings. I know how I was after the divorce, shit, I know…”
“You were depressed, Daddy.” His eyes softened upon hearing the petname. Claudia only called him that when she felt particularly happy or safe. “I know that. I still needed to be taken care of. Dad wasn’t ready to provide that, either.”
“Bear with me, Claudia. I will try to make it all better. I know it sounds like a bunch of crap but I mean it.” Claudia nodded along with his words.
“I know. I think starting therapy was good.” Claudia said. “Dad has been easier to deal with since the big blow-up,” That’s how they referred to the night Lestat ended it with his girlfriend slash mistress slash coworker. “It’s just that I don’t like this push and pull you two have. It’s either you love each other or not. Why overcomplicate it?”
“Isn’t this you getting too involved?
“Indulge me, we all can’t be perfect after three therapy sessions. The therapists would lose their jobs.” Louis smirked, shaking his head lightly.
“It’s more complicated than just loving each other when you’re an adult.”
“I know that, dad. Duh. I just feel like you and Dad overcomplicate it way too much. If you hate him and want him out of your life, don’t let him into your pants.”
“Missy,” Louis warned. Claudia was supposed to forget she saw that.
“Aunt Grace says the gays have a harder time letting go of each other.”
“What? When did ya ask your auntie that? Why are you talking with her about me and Dad?” Claudia shrugged again.
“I need womanly influences.”
“I don’t think that correlates. The gays,” Louis laughed in disbelief.
“The point is you gotta figure it out and stop making yourself and all of us suffer.”
Louis huffed at his daughter. For the remaining time in the cafe, he stayed quiet, lost in thoughts, barely finishing his cake. Before they left, Claudia grabbed a piece of lemon tart for her other father, chatting to him about her school affairs on the way to her father’s apartment.
“Wanna go up with me?” Claudia asked as Louis parked in the parking lot in front of Lestat’s apartment building.
“Why?” Louis creased his eyebrows in confusion, not understanding since Claudia never needed him to walk her up to the door.
“Thought I’d be fun. Plus, it’s so weird you never visited Dad’s place.”
“I’m sure your father is busy with his stuff,”
“Please, Dad.” Claudia sent her father a knowing look. “He’d be happy. We’re just gonna cook dinner and watch some movies after.”
He agreed. She giggled, happy that she got her father to do what she wanted.
“Hello, my beautiful princesse…oh , Louis.” Lestat greeted Claudia with a tight hug and she stayed under his shoulder as he slowly realized Louis stood at the door. “Something wrong?”
“Claudia thought…It’s nothing…just,” Claudia wanted to roll her eyes at her father mumbling under his nose.
“I thought we could have a family dinner,” She cut off her father, not wanting to hear his pathetic attempts at acting normal around his ex-husband. Louis and Lestat exchanged shy looks.
“Super!” Lestat said in French as he clapped his hands. “That would be utmost agreeable,”
“If it’s not a problem,” Louis added weakly.
“Why would that ever be a problem Louis?” Claudia observed how Lestat was melting at the idea of all of them spending the evening together. What her father hated the most was loneliness and that is how he felt living alone. “Is that a new skirt, my love?” Lestat turned to Claudia as all of them entered the apartment.
“It’s silk! Dad bought it for me,” She grinned at her father, settling on the couch.
“Your father always had a good eye for fashion!” Lestat agreed as he took Claudia’s backpack to put it into her room.
Claudia looked back at her father as he gazed around the apartment, his eyes landing on all the souvenirs, photos, pictures.
“He keeps our wedding photo here?” He whispered as he took a frame from the shelf. Louis smiled at his newlywed husband in the photo as Lestat looked at the camera, three-year-old Claudia in his arms.
“Yeah. Antoinette used to get real mad at that.” Claudia whispered back to him and Louis grimaced hearing the name but then smiled with one corner of his mouth. “Get that smitten look off your face ‘cause he’s coming back.”
Lestat joined them in the living room wearing his bright red apron, a big grin on his face, all theatrical movements, and warm glim in his eyes. “Who’s ready to try Mamie Gabrielle's famous coq au vin recipe?”
“She would hate you for calling her mamie,” Louis pointed out.
“As we all can see, the witch isn’t here, though.” Lestat came closer to them. “What are you two looking at? Ah. Louis, I must say you have aged gracefully.” Claudia snorted at that.
“C’mon Dad! I have your favorite lemon tart,” Claudia dragged her father to the kitchen.
“You’re just the best, Claudia, dear!” Before disappearing into the kitchen, Claudia looked back at her father and winked at Louis, who couldn’t help but smile.
Claudia swayed mellowly on the dancefloor, her head on Charlie’s shoulder as she watched her fathers dance. For their second wedding, they opted for maroon suits, tailored in quite an old-fashioned way. Claudia thought it was ridiculous for both of them to wear the same color but they shrugged her off.
“How do you say it, ma petite? It’s cunt! ” Lestat said to her. He downloaded TikTok a few months ago.
“Do you think this is the final wedding? ‘Cause I’d totally marry either of them, y’know.” Charlie asked in her ear.
“Doubt it, I think they’ll get divorced somewhere in their fifties, only to reconcile a few years after, reminiscing about lost time.” She answered and ignored his comment. “Thankfully, I won’t have to live with them to see it.”
“I’m scared of both of them,” Charlie said and she smirked. “They look like mafiosos in those suits but in such a hot way, you know?”
“I don’t, actually. They’re my dads.”
“Can we have this dance?” Claudia straightened and realized her fathers stood next to them extending their hands toward her. Charlie didn’t even dream of disagreeing, scrambling out of the dancefloor with red ears.
Claudia grabbed Louis with her left hand and Lestat with her right hand. They swayed lightly, Lestat spinning her from time to time, Louis spinning Lestat.
“Excited for the wedding night?” Claudia teased, not trying to hide her grin.
“Claudia…” Louis said, prolonging the vowels.
“Joking, just joking. You’ve been living in a huge sin, though! I’m worried for you.”
As mellow music played, Claudia found herself entangled in the mess of her fathers' arms as her head rested on Lestat’s shoulder. This place felt like home, one with many problems, sure, but home, nevertheless.
“Our precious girl,” Lestat cooed and Louis dropped a kiss on her forehead. “What would we do without you, huh? Eternal joy, that’s what you are,”
“Are all French people like this?” She whined into his jacket. “Grand words and proclamations?”
“Non, only the well-dressed ones,” Claudia sighed.
“I am going to miss being at home. I am really going to miss our house.”
“For the record, if you wanna come back home after college and live with your folks for the rest of your life, that’s fine by us,” Louis said seriously and Lestat nodded his head enthusiastically.
“Please. As much as I love you, I’d have to be in therapy for the rest of my life.” Lestat scoffed. “We would get in a physical fight sooner or later” Louis rolled her eyes at her.
“So, this Charlie fella,” Louis started, eyeing her suspiciously. “It’s something serious?”
“Dad!”
“What? We’ve been curious,” Lestat answered for his husband.
“Dad,” She looked at Louis. “Dad,” Her eyes shifted to Lestat. “You guys have the worst ability to tell who’s gay and who’s not.” They both looked offended. “Charlie’s gay! And he thinks you two are total daddies, ”
Lestat and Louis winced at her words.
“Claudia, I beg you to never say such a thing again,” Louis said slowly while looking her in the eyes.
“I don’t enjoy it either,” She protested. “It is what it is, though. You are rather well-preserved gay guys,”
“Rather well-preserved?” Lestat gasped, looking at Louis in astonishment.
Claudia enjoyed the rest of the night, watching their small group of friends and family recalling various events surrounding the couple, including their divorce, which made both of them look down with small smiles dancing on their mouths.
Then, somewhere between the jokes and the cake, she felt this pang of sadness overcoming her body. Claudia longed for the past; she longed for things to have been easier in the past. As she watched Lestat touch her father’s neck with gentle strokes, both of them conversing with Aunt Grace, she suddenly remembered all the times they’d spit hurtful words and smash things. Claudia hugged herself, not being able to shake off the feeling.
Things had been better. They treated her better. They treated each other better.
Claudia took a shuddering breath and slipped away from the venue. She lit a cigarette, knowing Louis was still very much mad that she was smoking. Not the best decision but, again, she was nineteen. Tears welled up in her eyes but that was all. She would not cry.
When one was nothing but a bud, she pulled out a second one.
“Tsk, tsk. What would Daddy Lou say?” She felt his presence before he said anything.
“What he has said ten thousand times before.” She replied.
“Can your old man have one?” Claudia raised her brow but handed Lestat the pack and the lighter.
“Daddy Lou wouldn’t be very happy that you’re indulging me,” She commented as her father breathed out smoke.
“He doesn’t need to know everything.”
“Marriage built on lies?” He gave her the look. “Joking, a joke.”
“What is it, Claudia? I see this look on your face.”
“Dunno,”
“You can tell me, c’mon,”
“I don’t wanna bring all my sad bullshit on today,” She said softly, not looking at her father.
“Anytime and day, Cherie,” He matched the softness in her voice. “That’s what fathers are for, non?”
“Well. I just…I guess I got all sad about the past. The fights and the divorce and the pushbacks we had.”
“Ah,”
“What if we drift apart as a family? Again.”
“Claudia, look at me,” Relacntutly, she looked up at her father, his big eyes, soft hair, and cheeky smile. “Promises are a tricky thing. I know I have been too generous with them in the past. It is different now. I worked on myself, I do therapy, and I’m on meds. I will try for the rest of my life to redeem myself and fix the mistakes I made. I know I hurt you a great deal. I may not deserve to have you in my life but here you are! I am forever grateful to be your father. I asked you how to fix it all in the past and you said that all you want for me to wake up every day and not repeat the things I’ve done.” Lestat was teary-eyed, delivering his speech with a shaky voice. “So I am here. Not repeating them.”
Claudia hugged her father before he could finish, knocking the wind out of him.
“Don't fuck it up. I’ll say this once and I’m done but don't fuck it up this time, ok?” She squeezed him harder, her nails scratching his skin to the point of pain, probably. “Or else, I am seriously murdering you.”
Lestat chuckled softly into her ear, his hands holding her head.
“I love you,” He whispered.
Claudia nodded into his jacket, words caught in her throat, unable to say it back. She knew he understood. That had to be enough.