Chapter Text
It was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers blooming, and people were falling out of the sky.
... Though, at first glance, you really couldn't tell it was a person falling out of the sky. It looked a lot like a comet, with the orange blur streaking straight down like a particularly hasty sunset. Not that comets usually screamed in panic and waggled their arms as if trying to become a hummingbird, but you weren't an expert. Maybe comets did that sort of thing in their spare time.
In any case, the comet lands straight into a fluffy pile of snow. The powder-soft snowpoff kicks up in a huff, leaving little white flakes to drift down on top of the meteor landing.
An orange cat ear twitches out of the poff, bits of snow being flicked off of the triangle like a fluffy trampoline. Then, a second one, as twitchy as the first. Then-
"HA-TCHOO!"
The snow poff explodes! Snow flies off like confetti, revealing a strange-looking... monster? Human? In a lot of aspects, it looked human- with two arms, two legs, and a face as cute as a button. But the ears pinned down on top of her head definitely weren't human ears, nor was the fluffy orange tail that swept the snow off her shoulders.
The creature of indeterminate species shivers to herself, crawling out of the snow poff. She only takes a moment to breathe, before her bright green eyes peer down onto the white particles on her hand. "S-snow?! But how?"
But there was no mistaking it. It was definitely snow, drifting down as far as the eye could see. Snow on the trees, on the stones, even piling up on her robes. Snow! She lived in a desert- how far was she from home?! How would she even get back to the museum in time?! B-but look on the bright side! There was a path in the woods, which meant people built it, which meant people were here somewhere! She just had to follow it to find help!
Digging her feet out of the snow, the cat-human-monster-thing started off down the trail. But, oddly enough, despite the wintry air and her desert robes, she didn't feel all too cold. In fact, it felt oddly pleasant, walking in the snow. If she just closed her eyes and kept putting one foot in front of the other, it felt like she could walk on to the ends of the earth.
Not that she wanted to, of course. Just to the end of the road, or somewhere near... The sooner she knew where she was, the sooner she could get her bearings and get back home. But right now, all she could hear was the sound of her feet crunching on the snow, the wind blowing in the air, and a badly-played trumpet in the distance.
A... Trumpet?
Wait! A trumpet! Noise- Music! People! The feline-monster-human-species felt her legs pick up in excitement, bouncing through the frost towards the trumpet noises. It was getting louder with each step she took, closer and closer. She just needed to hurry over and find-
"SANS! CEASE THIS TOMFOOLERY! WE ARE HERE TO STAND GUARD!" The order is bellowed out by a tall, lanky... man! Yes, it was just a man, not a skeleton! It was just... A trick of the light, how bony and pale he looked, or how cracked and old his armor appeared to be. The skeleman- No, just man, just a man!- stood facing away with his hands on his hips, clearly scolding some other smaller figure.
"well, why didn't you say so, pap?" The smaller figure- also definitely just a man- shrugs his arms. See? The fact that he was moving his arms and winking was proof he wasn't a skeleton, because skeletons couldn't move their arms or legs! And see- Skeletons don't wear jackets, since skeletons didn't get cold, because skeletons were already dead! Just... ignore the lower half of him, the shorts and bones- Legs! Shorts and legs... "if we were just standing, i wouldn't have brought a trunpet."
As the tall man stomped his foot in annoyance, the human-cat-creature-thing found herself nervously shrinking back down the path. Those... Those were people. Not skeletons. The last time she had met a moving corpse, it has just been a little trick! That's all it was- just a strange trick of the light, which shouldn't stop her from getting the help she needed!
So the half-human-half-cat does a single brave stomp on the ground, trying to psyche herself up. Unfortunately, this brave stomp was directly in the path of a branch, which expressed it's displeasure at being stomped on with a loud SNAP!
The skeletons turned around.
Yep. That confirmed it. She had died and gone to the afterlife. Whatever it was that had killed her, she hoped that it was of her own volition and not one of Pepe's reckless antics.
"Um... Hello?" She awkwardly begins, resigned to her fate in in this wintry wonderland.
The two skeletons turn towards her. Then back to each other. Then her again. This continues for a good few seconds, until the taller one finally breaks the loop. "LOOK SANS, A HUMAN!"
"... actually, i think that's a Terran."
"A... TERRAN?"
"yeah. they're born to rock."
The tall skeleton begins stomping his foot in annoyance again, which catches the human's(?) attention. She looks away from the smaller one- a dreadful mistake, really.
Before she realized it had moved, A cold touch pokes the back of her shoulder and she nearly jumps out of her own skin. The smaller skeleton winks as he offers a hand, the lights in his eyes lazy and dim. "heh. so why're you now here in nowhere?"
"I- um...?" She struggles to figure out how to address a talking skeleton for a good few moments, then just decides to not accept the handshake. "I was sleeping, and then I suddenly felt myself falling."
"FALLING...? YOU MEAN LIKE THAT THING HUMANS DO FROM THE SURFACE?" The tall skeleton puts two fingers to his chin, hunching over in thought. "I'VE HEARD OF THIS, BUT I, PAPYRUS, HAVE NEVER FALLEN ONCE! SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE."
"It's when gravity takes over and you-" The creature suddenly stiffens. The surface? That meant that she was underground! She looks upwards, and instead of blue skies, she sees glittering cave walls. "Wait- Yes! I'm a human! From the surface!"
"REALLY? THAT'S GREAT!" The tall skeleton beams, and for a split second, the girl felt like everything was going to go just fine. "NOW I MUST CAPTURE YOU AND BRING YOU TO THE KING!"
Nevermind. Maybe she could tell them that she was a skeleton wearing human skin.
But before the girl could put this daring plot to the test, the smaller skeleton- Sans, right?- was already speaking for her. "whoa, wait a sec, bro. you really just gonna capture them like that?" He winks, jabbing a thumb in the girl's direction. "jeez. not even enough time to know their name?"
"OF COURSE! WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?!" The tall skeleton beams at her, as if he hadn't been discussing kidnapping her five seconds prior. "WHAT IS YOUR NAME, HUMAN?"
"It's..." The girl stops. Should she use her real name, Anat? No- she's heard stories of this! If they knew her real name, what terrible things could they do with their arts? Best use her codename... "Papyrus."
Silence filled the air.
The lights in Sans' eyes had gone out- was that bad? Before she could start backing away, the larger skeleton suddenly burst into a torrent of noise.
"PAPYRUS?! BUT OF COURSE! THAT BOLD ORANGE FUR... THOSE BONE-WHITE ROBES... YOU MUST BE A PAPYRUS AS WELL! BUT YOU CLAIMED YOU WERE A HUMAN... ARE YOU A HUMAN, OR A PAPYRUS?"
Papyrus could barely process the revelation that the tall skeleton's name was also named PAPYRUS. "What's the difference?"
"YOU SEE... IF YOU ARE A HUMAN, THEN I WILL CAPTURE YOU! THEN YOU WILL BE TAKEN TO THE KING! AND THEN I WILL JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD!"
"And... What will happen to me?"
"YOU WILL! YOU WILL... YOU WILL...?" PAPYRUS strokes his chin as if there was a long whispy beard to ponder, before promptly giving up. "I DO NOT KNOW! BUT WITH HOW KING ASGORE IS... HE WILL LIKELY DRINK TEA WITH YOU, AND THEN GIVE YOU FREE SOCKS!"
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Sans slowly shaking his head, the lights in his eyes back on. "wouldn't risk it. you might end up leaving them over the floor."
"AND THEN THERE WOULD BE FOUR SOCKS ON THE FLOOR! THE HUMANITY!" PAPYRUS shakes a desperate fist at the heavens, horrified at the potential tragedy. "WHICH IS WHY IT WOULD BE MUCH BETTER AND COOLER IF YOU WERE A PAPYRUS. THAT WAY, YOU COULD PICK UP HIS SOCKS, AND I COULD SHOUT 'OH, THE PAPYRITY' INSTEAD! THIS IS WHY WE MUST HAVE YOU TESTED IMMEDIATELY!"
Mhm. Yes. Papyrus was definitely following. Slowly nodding, she tries to move the conversation forward. "Won't it be confusing if we're both Papyrus?"
"OF COURSE NOT!" PAPYRUS underlines his name for clarity. "SEE? MY NAME IS CAPITALIZED, WHILE YOURS IS NOT!"
"Oh, yes, I see- Wait...?" Papyrus blinks, utterly confused. "How did you do that?!"
"monster magic. don't worry about it." sans winks.
"SANS! CAPITALIZE YOUR NAME, YOU LAZYBONES!"
"ok." sANS does just that.
"I MEAN PROPERLY!"
"Ok." sans follows.
"Please stop... I'm going to get dizzy..." Papyrus begs, cat ears pinning down to her head.
"VERY WELL!" PAPYRUS fixes Sans' name for him, before beginning to march off into the distance. "NOW, SMALLER PAPYRUS! ONWARDS TO THE TESTING GROUND OF ALL PAPYRUSES: THE MAZE OF DEADLY TERROR!"
The maze of deadly terror was, strictly speaking, not a maze. Mazes typically had more than one exit, instead of that singular path in the snow. It also wasn't all too deadly, because the most it could do was a small static shock. And, finally, there wasn't much terror in it, because Sans had forgotten to install the threatening fire cannons and menacing swinging guillotines.
Realistically, it should have been called the Square of Inconvenient Traversal, but Alphys had gotten to that puzzle name first.
Regardless, Sans' not too worried about names right now. A square's a square, and this one didn't seem like it was going to be anything much. A bit of singeing's the only risk the little kit's gonna face, that much he's sure of.
He yawns, wind whistling through the holes in his jaw. Time to just kick back and-
"Fascinating!"
The cry of surprise tugs one of his sockets open. The little Terran's crouched down right on the edge of the square, no sign of fear whatsoever. What replaced it was a wide-eyed curiosity, almost as bright as the snow surrounding her.
"I haven't seen designs like these at all! It's almost a seamless fit into the rock, and I can't even see any circuitry or wiring!"
Right beside her, PAPYRUS was puffed up with pride, so much pride that sparkles were glinting all around him.
"PRECISELY! YOU, Papyrus, HAVE A FINE EYE FOR ARTISTRY AND TRAP MAKING! AS ALL PAPYRUSES SHOULD, OF COURSE!" He takes the deadly trap compliments with his usual grace, right before subjecting the complimenter to all it's electrocuty glory. "NOW, IN ORDER TO TRULY PROVE YOUR PAPYRUSNESS, YOU MUST COMPLETE THE MAZE OF DEADLY TERROR!"
Sans wasn't sure what he was expecting. Maybe some worry, maybe some excitement. Maybe she'd turn pink and absorb all the electricity, who knew? Terrans were plenty weird already- even the more human looking ones.
He wasn't expecting the kid to start turning the orb in her hands, staring deep into it's crystalline depths like it was foretelling the future.
"Hm... Judging by the look of it, this is a gemstone arts design. The orb is meant to be an attractor, with the floor as the generator and the person as the conduit." She observes cautiously, before turning it in her hands as if it's reflection was hiding some deep archaic knowledge. "But if it's the thing attracting the current, then..."
Papyrus boldly hefts the crystal ball over her head, resolution glinting in her eyes. She takes a step forward... Then gently places it down on a small pile, before giving it a small pat.
She then walks over the square without much issue.
"INCREDIBLE! YOU SLIPPERY SNAIL! YOU'VE MANAGED TO OVERCOME THE GREED ALL HUMANS SHARE: THE OVERWHELMING URGE TO BALANCE A SHINY CRYSTAL BALL OVER YOUR HEAD."
"...thank you?" Papyrus accepts the praise with a slow, confused nod, but her mind was on a different track. She hops back over the square, cradling the crystal ball in her hands. "This... looks ancient. Where did you find it?"
The two brothers glance at each other for a split second.
"WE...
"found it at the dump." Sans cuts him off with a wink. "that one was next to an old bike and a box of pop tarts."
Papyrus' tail bristles, enraged. "Who would throw away relics like these?! These ought to be preserved, not thrown out like garbage!"
"YOU SEE, HUMAN PAPYRUS... THESE ARE NOT RELICS TO US! THESE ARE IMPORTANT MECHANICAL CONTRAPTIONS WE CLEVERLY REUSE FROM SURFACE HUMANS. THESE ARE PERFECTLY NEW TO US!"
"if you wanna see old stuff, i know a place."
PAPYRUS frowns, clearly reluctant to interrupt the testing. "SANS..."
"hey, relax. it's only a shortcut away. just follow me."
"here we are. old door in the middle of nowhere."
Sans' assessment was as perfect as ever. This was, in fact, an old door, located in the middle of nowhere. It seemed to be built into one of the cave walls, in the middle of a forest and next to a very un-suspicious bush.
"This looks old... Very old." Papyrus leans in closer, inspecting the worn stones with a series expression. "The architecture looks Minoan in design, but these aren't the colors they traditionally use... Weathering on the stones indicate these ruins could almost be as old as the ones in Sargon, but I'm not an expert in Minoan design... I can't see any identifying marks I recognize, but.."
While Papyrus mumbled to herself, the other PAPYRUS stroked his chin, eyebrow raised at the torrent of information he was receiving. "SANS... DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT SHE'S SAYING?"
"not a clue."
Remembering the fact that she was, in fact, not alone, Papyrus quickly addresses the other two. "Um! Mister... Sans. And Mister PAPYRUS. Is there a way to enter the ruin? Without damaging the doorway?"
Sans' eyelights shrink a bit at the suggestion. "ain't a good idea, kid. besides. why'd you want to peek into a worn-out old place like that?"
Papyrus' ear twitched in confusion as her face contorted. Wasn't that an obvious question? Surely the curator of the- Ah, wait! "I never introduced myself properly!" She almost freezes up in shock- her state right now! Her hands quickly fly over her hair, brushing it back into position while her tail brushed off whatever bits of snow clung on to her. Fixing the hood over her ear, Papyrus draws herself up to full height, trying to leech some confidence off the other PAPYRUS. "You might have noticed my curiosity at some of the things here. That is because I am Papyrus, former curator of the Farjawandabad Museum!"
"SOUNDS VERY PRESTIGIOUS, Papyrus! DO YOU CLEVERLY CONCOCT SNARES AND STOPS TO CONFOUND CLUELESS CRIMINALS?"
And that question quickly destroys any sort of confident facade Papyrus might have had, as her train of thought slows into a stuttering halt. "Er... Something of the sort?" She flounders for a moment, hands waving in the air emptily, before picking herself up. "It's my job to preserve artifacts and ancient structures, like this one. You could say I'm curious about what this one holds..."
"WOWIE! COULD THERE BE TREASURE?!"
But before Papyrus could scold PAPYRUS about desecrating ancient ruins for profit, Sans was already making a pun ahead of her. "a treasure...? a tree, sure." He blinks, the grin on his face as lazy and inscrutable as ever. "no way in. sorry, kid."
His tone trails off in that usual lazy drawl, that monotone hint of knowing more than he let on tinting his words. His posture's as laid back as ever, leaning on the giant pillar as if nothing in the world could ever bother him. But the little wisp in his eye was steady on her, waiting on her move.
Whatever was in there, he already knew about.
"All right, I understand." She backs off, and silently swears she could see his grin turn a bit less forced at that.
"sides, that's not the important part. this door's real important for one thing." Sans takes a very easy gait forward, then raps on the door with a practiced ease.
KNOCK KNOCK.
Papyrus holds her breath, expecting for some reason that the door would open. Naturally, it doesn't.
"c'mon, PAP."
PAPYRUS sighs a long-suffering sigh. "WHO'S THERE."
"will."
"WILL WHO?"
"willcome to the underground." Sans winks at the Terran, shrugging. "how was the fall?"
Papyrus looks up to the ceiling far above them, then back down on the ground. "Pretty soft, all things considered..."
"IF IT'S PUNNERY WE'RE DOING NOW, THEN ALLOW ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, TO DEMONSTRATE 'HOW IT'S DONE'." PAPYRUS struts up to the doorway, then does a completely unnecessary curtsy before rapping on the door thrice. "AHEM. KNOCK. KNOCK."
"who's there?"
"A DOOR."
"... A door who...?"
"YOUR ADOORING FANCLUB, OF COURSE! NYEH-HEH-HEH!"
PAPYRUS puffs his chest out and practically begins sparkling in the snow, a confident grin spread wide across his face. Off to the side, Sans also let out a happy chuckle, before staring at Papyrus, waiting for her attempt.
"... My turn? All right, I'll try..." Papyrus timidly walks up to the door. In that moment of eternity, she races through the confines of her mind, searching desperately for any hint of clever wordplay in her limitless databanks of knowledge. Then, choosing one, she boldly takes a step forward... "Knock, knock."
"WHO'S THERE?"
"Art."
"ART WHO?"
"Art...ifacts...?" The joke falls flatter than a snowball falling off a table. Wincing, Papyrus shakes her head. "Sorry, I'm not good at this sort of thing-"
"NONSENSE! A PAPYRUS IS GREAT AT ANYTHING A PAPYRUS CHOOSES TO DO, AND YOU, Papyrus, ARE NO EXCEPTION!"
"Um- I'm sorry-" She begins, only to get cut off.
"YOU'RE ALREADY FORGIVEN! IN FACT, BETTER THAN FORGIVEN, FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL SHOW YOU HOW TO BE GREAT!" He strikes a pose with this proclamation, his cape flowing heroically in the wind. "NOW TELL ME SOMETHING, Papyrus. ARE YOU A GREAT PAPYRUS, OR JUST A PAPYRUS?"
"Just Papyrus-"
"WRONG ANSWER!" Despite his voice, PAPYRUS didn't look displeased. At least, a displeased person wouldn't be flexing and sparkling, right? "WHEN I ASK MYSELF IF I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, I DO NOT GO 'UM' AND SCRUNCH UP MY FACE LIKE I HAVE BITTEN LEMONS! I SIMPLY GO- 'NYEH HEH HEH!' THAT IS BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS GREAT!"
PAPYRUS follows up this bold statement with an even bolder pose, heroically pointing towards the horizon.
"AND IF I AM GREAT, THEN YOU TOO CAN BE GREAT! AND I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, REFUSE TO LET SOMEONE BE JUST A PAPYRUS WHEN THEY CAN BE A GREAT PAPRYUS!" And now that pointing finger was aimed directly towards Papyrus. "NOW! WHAT ARE YOU?"
"Papyrus?" She questions...?
"WRONG ANSWER!"
"Papyrus!" She proclaims.
"TRY HARDER!"
"PAPYRUS!" She declares!
"NOT JUST A PAPYRUS!"
"I am..." Papyrus takes a deep breath, then belts out with all the force she can! "THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"
If this had been a dramatic sort of universe, perhaps all the snow would have been flung off all the trees. Perhaps the shockwave of her mighty cry would have sent shivers all throughout the Underground. Perhaps King ASGORE would have looked up from his flower patch, wondering at the mighty cry he had witnessed.
Unfortunately, this wasn't a dramatic universe, so her mighty cry was unfortunately just confined to this one screen.
This didn't seem to faze the proud PAPYRUS, though. "NYEH HEH HEH! WELL DONE, PAPYRUS! THIS IS WHERE I WOULD GIVE YOU A CAPITALIZED NAME, BUT UNFORTUNATELY THAT WOULD BE FAR TOO CONFUSING!"
The other Papyrus grins in exultation, before toppling over and landing on the snow. An exhausted yawn slowly finds it's way out of her mouth, making her realize just how long she had been out here. "I should probably find a way back home..."
"eh, no sweat." Sans walks up. "i know a shortcut."
"REALLY?! SEEMS AWFULLY CONVENIENT." PAPYRUS looks at him strangely, before just accepting it. "WELL, YOU ARE A PERSON OF CONVENIENCE, SANS. CONVENIENCE STORES, CONVENIENCE PRODUCTS, CONVENIENT SOCKS ON THE FLOOR..."
"Conveniently knowing what I am..."
"and convenient shortcuts back to... terra? yeah, terra." Sans casually lists off, before turning a bit more serious. "before we go... pap ain't gonna be following anymore, so it'd be real confusing if i kept calling you pap. if i keep going, i might start leaving socks for you to pick up." He winks at PAPYRUS' annoyed expression, before turning back to the Terran. "so, got any other way i could call you?"
Papyrus thinks. These two seemed... mostly harmless. And, if she were being honest, she didn't have much of a choice beyond trusting him to get her back home. So a name should be fine...? "Anat. Call me Anat."
"gotcha, nat. welp, here goes."