Chapter Text
(. . .)
You never noticed the feeling there before, but its absence is palpable.
You are not being watched.
You pause for a moment in the empty snack room, your first pause in ages, waiting for the feeling to return. Is Loop even paying attention anymore?
. . .
No. Probably for the same reasons this journey through the House is one all alone.
They've lost hope in you. They should have never had it in the first place, not if they're smart. They knew, after all. They knew the whole time.
So who's left to watch this performance? The Change God?- you try to guess whether they would be angered by the way you treated Mirabelle today, a slight against their favorite little toy, or if they'd be quietly amused as always. They never cared, anyway, did they?
You almost laugh, but you're so tired, and so it never leaves your lips, just rattling around in your brain instead. Stars, you're so tired, and so hungry- the inescapable smell of sugar taunts you, and Bonnie's absence leaves so much more of a pit here, in the room, in your stomach. What you wouldn't give for one of those malanga fritters, now.
... You give a quick, bitter little bow to an uncaring Universe, the final audience member left to see your sad little soliloquy.
[. . .]
That look on his face as he stormed away was far, far too familiar for your liking. The fatigue carved under his eyes, the shadow looming over his every expression, the slight squint when he fixed you with that stare, that knowing stare, that grieving stare, that hopeless stare. You never thought your breath could catch like that looking at your own reflection.
It's like you could hear his very being cracking under the pressure, seeing that look in his eyes.
Guilt bites like hunger at a stomach that no longer exists. You're not as good at ignoring it as you used to be.
... You know what's coming next, you barely even have to watch. We're just far too predictable, aren't we?
Oh, stardust, what have you done?
... You hadn't even realized it was daytime yet, but it must be, because sun breaks through the leaves of the Favor Tree at the same time the Fighter's voice breaks through your rumination. It isn't like you were paying attention, anyway- you've been turned toward the eternal night haunting the House, waiting for that usual final flash that will once again stop stardust in their tracks, especially without the Housemaiden's shield skill to protect them. With a sickening sense of deja vu, you wonder what will happen after that inevitability.
You... You don't think he's going to come back from it this time.
You know better than anyone what giving up looks like.
The Fighter's voice is getting louder, now, calling your- calling his name. The others join him, a panicked, desperate cacophony that brings you no joy to hear. You catch broken shards of conversation-
"-where they could have gone-"
"Frin wouldn't just leave! Gotta be-"
"-need to consider the possibility-"
"-thing was really wrong yesterday-"
You don't look their way as the conversation trails to a dead end, to the base of the Favor Tree. It's force of habit- you've done so well so far, after all. But you've never been so tempted, you- you don't know what else to do.
He's going to die up there.
And you're sure he doesn't have the wherewithal to do it all again.
... You remember the taste of a star bursting within you until it was you, and you grimace. You remember hopelessness, abject hopelessness, paired with an exhaustion so deep that it was as though the weight of the world pressed on your shoulders- you remember what it was like to let go, to let go of your party, your friends, your family, to let go of the world, of your body, of the very concept of yourself- you remember grief so deep it tore itself out of you atom by atom- you remember-
A loud clap behind you startles you nearly out of the branches of the tree.
"Isabeau, I wouldn't say this is the best time for-"
"Madame." There's a seriousness to his voice, layered with a quiet desperation. You can hear his usual lightheartedness drop, even imagine the quiet, piercing stare he must be fixing the Researcher with. He always did know how to get serious when it mattered.
The Researcher falls silent, and you hear the Fighter start again- a single clap, and then-
"Please." ... That shouldn't be what gets you to look. Stars, after all this time, surely they'd have to do better to get you to look, but-
Isabeau continues, "-Favor Tree. Help us find Sif."
There's a short silence, as they all stare up at the tree, just missing you through the leaves. They wait, and you can see it, the hope in all their faces- stars, it was stupid to look at their faces-
"I, um," Isabeau turns back toward the party, and lets a light chuckle return to his voice- "didn't quite get around to asking for a favor yet! Never decided, I- ... Thought we could use all the help we could get."
You remember wishing for help too, once.
-You hardly noticed your feet had touched the grass, didn't realize you'd already slipped down the trunk of the Favor Tree. They hardly notice either, except-
"-Did you guys see that?"
... Bonnie is pointing at you. The rest of their eyes follow, squinting, searching.
Well. You shouldn't miss your cue.
"I can help."
You step out from under the Favor Tree- your facade hasn't quite caught up with you yet, so it's slow, trepidatious. You're distracted- searching, searching, searching their faces as you reveal yourself. You watch Isabeau's eyes widen, a surprised yelp Mirabelle's way, awe in Bonnie's face before Odile steps in front of them-
Steps. In front. Of them.
Without thinking, a defensive stance, and you can see her usual analysis already on her face, deciding what Craft skill to try first if it comes down to it. ... What? No.
No, no, no, she has to realize! She, of all people, perceptive Odile, suspicious Odile, knowing Odile- she always sees through you, surely she could see through this blinding form down to who you really are if she tried-
Your eyes dart, back and forth, please- Isabeau looks at you with surprise and intrigue but not with the warmth you remember, no, no, there's no warmth!!- Mirabelle looks shocked, and anxious, and she doesn't smile at you- and Bonnie, stars, Bonnie, you wish they'd look at you like they hated you again, anything but this awe like you're some creature, a-
Stranger.
You're a stranger.
... Of course you are. Siffrin is in the House, aren't they? Why would they look at you like they look at Siffrin?- like they would even look at Siffrin that way, now, after everything he said, after everything you've both done! They're not here, you're not them, you're not-
. . .
Your hands find their places together in front of you with a clap, and the boiling anger and agony and disappointment and dread and grief inside you all fade down to a simmer. Funny- for all that time you spent chasing an escape from monotony, not even your hands know what to do, how to live, without a script, without a role, without memorized lines.
There's the facade, slipping back on like a glove.
Oh, this will all be new, but if you stick with the usual you can make it work- best to make a good first impression, and the explosion just barely quelled inside you wouldn't have cut it, would it?
... You consider telling the Researcher Rock III would be most effective. Ah, no, too personal, isn't it?
"My, struck speechless at the sight of me, aren't you?" Your imagined crowd boos at your shameless reuse of material, which you politely ignore. Oh, all your material is reused these days, isn't that the point? "Don't waste too much time staring, you'd better get going soon if you want to catch up with Siffrin in the House."
Their exclamations all blend together, you can barely make out what they're saying. You wave a finger at them, placing it in front of where you think you remember your lips would be on a normal face.
"Please, one at a time, you're incomprehensible! I can't help if I can't even hear you all."
"Who- What are you-"
"How do you know where Siffrin went, you saw them-??"
"'Help'-?"
"How are you all glowy? Is that Craft?"
As always, the Kid's comment is what cracks you up, and you giggle into your palm a bit. "Sort of! Okay, okay, let's see- I'm a star, Kid! The little lights in the sky you see at night?"
The Kid squints at you. "Like the... swear Frin uses sometimes?"
"Just like that! Cool, huh? So that knocks out the Kid's and yours, Researcher, and-" You count through the questions on your fingers- "Yes, I saw Siffrin. Took the orbs and opened the gate all on their own, can you believe it?"
The party looks confused, then horrified, the Housemaiden especially. She clasps her hands together tightly- seeking their own kind of soothing familiarity in uncertainty, just like yours. You remember- you remember how they felt on your cheeks-
You hold the smile in your eyes a little tighter, and look somewhere else, anywhere but their faces. Stay in character.
"No, that's so dangerous, why would they-!" she exclaims. "How long were they planning to go alone?? Is that why they were acting so weird-"
"Oh, no, this was barely premeditated, he actually only decided it last night! Overhearing your little discussion over dinner sure made him guilty!" You giggle, and watch the Researcher's eyes narrow into that familiar look of suspicion. Good, very good. "I mean, it's not like hearing how you all couldn't trust him gave him that much faith in your impending teamwork. Doesn't make it any less stupid, but- makes sense he'd try to go it alone, right?"
"That was all only because of his strange behavior before," the Researcher sighs. "Suddenly acting malicious and suspiciously knowledgeable is a valid reason for concern. And on the topic of suspicious knowledge- how are you aware of that conversation, and aware that Siffrin overheard it, and aware they went to the House? Based on our conversations with the villagers, you seem to be the only person in Dormont who's even seen Siffrin within the last however many hours. Have you been spying on us?"
"If we keep adding new questions, we're never going to be done talking, Researcher!" You grin, eyes squinting further. "But yes, of course I've been spying on you! Think of it as a star's omniscience, making sure I don't miss anything important or helpful- that's my job, helpful Loop, here to help your Siffrin with the loops! And I suppose, now, help you all with finding him, so cross off your question, Fighter."
It's far from omniscience- you do have to actively pay attention to spectate Siffrin, and you're not even sure if it works on anyone except them. Never had much reason to try- you suppose you'll find out soon if you're going to be helping their party, won't you?
But the semantics of all this are too complicated to explain, and you're wasting too much time already. They're still confused, and you've been talking so long, playing catch up is such a nightmare- you may have to crank up the annoyance factor if you want to get them leaving within the next thousand years. You try to predict their next questions for efficiency-
"What do you mean-"
"-by 'loops'? Ah, it'll take a while to explain, you won't even really believe it, I'm sure- the short version is our friend Siffrin has been looping in time."
The Researcher squints. "... That's impossible."
You shrug, a smirk to your gaze. "Told you~! Doesn't matter, anyway, we'll get to explanations. They're about- hm-" You pause to check- "two-thirds of the way through the first floor, already? It's taking them a bit longer than I expected, they're taking a strange route, so you should still be able to catch up, but I'd recommend we walk and talk if you want that to stay true. Unless you just want to wait until he dies, that's fine too."
The Kid looks furious. Stars, you missed that look, a little. "Don't say stuff like that!"
You put your hands up, faux-defensively. "Just hoping to instill a sense of urgency. As the Housemaiden said, they're doing something very dangerous and very stupid. That can end badly!"
"I didn't say stupid!" The Housemaiden retorts, before pausing. "...But yes. Very stupid and dangerous and now I'm even more worried and we should go."
"Very good, Housemaiden, now you're getting it!" You watch her frown at your condescension with a little satisfaction. It reminds you of- of teasing, of- "My, should we go over strategy again~?"-
No. You're a stranger. You're a stranger, you're a stranger, you're a stranger, and-
You push it all back, once more, and stay in character.
"Now, before you go, though, one more thing- I need a way to contact you in the House, after all!" You smirk a little bit, barely visible in your limited facial features, letting yourself be distracted with the silly gesture you get to make someone do again. Oh, reusing material is wonderful, actually. "There's a Craft hand gesture I can teach you so you can talk to me anytime! Or- not for too long, and it'll get harder the further you get, but it'll do!"
"Wait, you're not coming with us?" Wow, the Fighter sounds genuinely disappointed. That's a bit silly, isn't it, he doesn't even know you. Never has."Aw, I assumed with- y'know, the whole helper thing, you'd be coming with."
"Oh, how sweet, Fighter! But no, I'd better stay right here at the Favor Tree. Shouldn't leave my grave!"
Ah, stars, they're looking confused again, wrong kind of joke- you've gotten a bit too loose-lipped talking to stardust so much. Whatever, think of something-
"Grave? You're a dead star?" The Kid squints even more, and seems to forget their earlier rage to switch to intrigue. So distractible, huh. "Stars can die??"
"Oh, yes! You ever see a shooting star, when a star moves really quickly and disappears? That's a star dying, and they can't stay up in the sky if they're dead, so they fall!" All lies, but you doubt there's anyone left to remember the truth. Astronomy gets to be your little improv playground, for now. You switch to a conspiratorial tone. "I've heard you can make wishes to them."
"That's rude." The Kid crosses their arms. "That's like asking someone a favor on their deathbed."
You laugh, and for a moment it's much more genuine than your usual playful giggles. "Ha, oh, it is, isn't it?" You let the laughter fade, taking a moment to breathe- as if you really need to, anymore- and compose yourself. "Now, no more distractions, are you all ready to learn the hand gesture?"
They all nod, still suspicious and annoyed and about five steps behind you in the conversation. That's fine, that means you're playing your role well.
"Good, follow along with me, watch my hands- you're going to make a fist... good, now lift your little finger and thumb, like this... and hold it up to your face, this way- other way, Kid, that's going to hurt your hand after a bit- now you've got it!" You try not to laugh out loud, watching them all make the silly sign in front of you. "And then, last step- you'll think really hard about how, 'Boy, I sure wish I was talking to Loop right now! They're so funny and knowledgeable!'"
You revel in the groan you get from the Researcher- oh, you missed those frustrated little noises at your dumb jokes.
"There! That's how you [Call Loop]! Try it once you get far enough away, make sure it works- the House should be fairly straightforward with Siffrin unlocking everything ahead of you, but you won't be as efficient as they're going to be without a guide. You have no experience, after all!"
"... Alright." The Researcher sighs. "I assume we won't be getting much more good information out of you until we get going?"
"Nope! I'm going to be as annoying as possible until you finally get out of here!" You wink- with your right eye, as always, you never quite got out of the habit, even with the new form.
"Right. Well, it's the right idea regardless, we should get moving. Everyone?"
"Right!! S-" The Housemaiden cuts herself off, as she realizes what she was about to slip into saying. Siffrin, you lead the way. Always the fastest, after all. She frowns, and the Fighter takes his cue.
"How about you lead the way, Mira? You knew the House the best, before the King, you'll have the best sense of direction."
"R-Right! Yes!! Follow me, everyone, um- thank you, Loop!!"
You nod, and she's almost finished taking her hem and gotten ready to run off, the others following her lead, before you remember- "Oh! Housemaiden, one more thing! Do you remember the Death Corridor~?"
She looks at you, confused, before sudden memory and horror crosses her face. "Oh, *Change*, no, I'd almost forgotten!! We- we don't have to pass through there, do we?? We don't have Siffrin to check for traps-"
"Second pillar on the right, there's a well-hidden switch between the bricks, but you'll find it if you're looking," you say, easily. "Should be sparkly around it!! Siffrin would have taken care of it before you, but I could see it rearming itself." There were multiple rocks in that trap-building room, you wouldn't want to risk it!
The Housemaiden nods, committing it to memory as she leaves with the others. Stars, she looks so riled up, you wonder if she could pass through that hallway unharmed without even flipping the switch. "Um- Okay!! Thank you!!"
... You gently wave them goodbye, and shift your focus. You can keep an eye on them, it seems, if you try- good.
"... Hang on a little longer, stardust," you mutter.