Archive of Our Own

Steve’s chest hurts everytime he looks at Eddie. 

It started when they met, terrified and pressed up against a wooden wall with a broken bottle pressed to his neck. His heart nearly lept out of his chest at the shock of a human suddenly appearing in the small shack and pressing him into a wall in a way that was significantly less desirable than it could have been. He usually got a little more notice when his life was in danger. His chest felt tight, suddenly terrified for his life and he had to focus on the things around him and cross his arms tightly over his chest as they talked to be able to take deep breaths again. 

It stopped hurting when they started talking, when Eddie would hold his eyes and look to him for answers for questions that shouldn’t have to exist in the first place. Why are they looking for me? Does everyone think that I did it? Does my uncle know I’m okay?

It hurt differently after Vecna.

He’d go to visit Eddie in the hospital, looking at him laying back against the pillows and struggling to find a reason to ever leave him when visitation hours were up and he had to go home. It hurt the worst when the kids would come by; when Eddie would scoot himself up as much as he could and listen to them with patient and kind eyes. He had been excessively loud and boisterous before, a force of nature that couldn’t be stopped. But now, he was still funny, still charming, still the man that had Steve rethinking everything he ever knew to be true about his life; but Steve knew the look of someone that was trying to pretend everything was okay when in reality they were screaming inside their head. 

He was more quiet, still quick with his words, but gentle in a way Steve hadn’t seen in him before. When he’d come to visit in the evenings he’d bring treats, games, books, anything to see a little more light in Eddie’s eyes.

But his chest hurt nonetheless. 

It hurt him that Eddie didn’t feel as bright as he used to; that the supernova of a heart  that sat in his chest was dimmed by death and destruction. It made him want to crawl backwards in time so that he could save him, shift things by a moment so that he wouldn't end up feeling the same way he did then, like all hope was lost. Eddie didn’t deserve to have to go through the things that he did, he wasn’t looking for trouble or revenge or power. He wanted to help a girl he didn’t even know that well and he ended up worse than any of them had ever been after the Upside Down. Steven often thought about how in all the times that he had to deal with the monsters that lurked below them and how he had come out relatively unscathed and able to resume his life again. Eddie didn’t get that same result. 

Steve would regularly leave the hospital and sit in his car and cry before he went home. He’d rest his forehead on the steering wheel and tune out the traffic around him and just cry, and cry, and cry to a god that wasn’t listening about why Eddie Munson of all people had to go through the things that he had.

Steve knew that the way his chest hurt was different because it was Eddie. He’d talked to Robin about it the first night that they were forced to leave the hospital to go home and shower and sleep in a real bed. She’d argued with Steve until he relented and let her come over to help him change the bandages on his side. She had moved his arms out of the way to dab at his stitches while he sat up on a barstool and chewed the inside of his lip until it was raw. 

“You can go back to see him tomorrow.” she said quietly as she began to wrap him up again. 

“I know.”

“He’ll be okay overnight. Joyce is staying with Max and she said she’d go check on him until Wayne got there.” 

“I know.” he said and nodded his head, tears suddenly coming to his eyes. He looked down and Robin didn’t miss the way that a tear fell to hit his thigh, leaving Steve to stare at it blankly like it had offended him in some way. Like he was angry that he was crying in the first palace. 

“Steve. . .” she said.

And he’d broken. He sobbed into her shoulder, for Eddie, for Max, for Lucas and Dustin getting hurt so deeply that he didn’t know if he’d ever see the youthful spark of light in their eyes again. He cried for himself, for being scared and alone and having to watch, not for the first time, that everyone had someone come to pick them up and make sure that they were okay. He cried because his chest felt so empty but also so tight and painful because part of him wasn’t sure how he felt at all, just that the fact that Eddie was hurt was making him want to fight god.

“I think. . .” he started after a few minutes of quiet crying, “I think that I love him.” he whispers to Robin, looking up at her with wet eyes and tear stained cheeks. Her own eyes were misty as well as she nodded her head and pulled him into a tight hug to stroke his hair gently. 

“I know. I know, Stevie.” she said and kissed the crown of his head. He didn’t need to explain anymore to Robin, didn’t need to tell her about how the crisis he felt was making him dizzy with worry, but that he didn’t care about labels; just that being around Eddie was the one of the only times in his life that made him feel right . 

That night when they went to sleep, she tucked herself into Steve’s bed and held out her arms for him to lay in the space by her side. It was the first time in years that he had fallen asleep without having to clutch a pillow to his chest until he stopped shaking enough to go to sleep. 

When Eddie was released it was a no-brainer that he would go with Steve. Wayne’s new place wasn’t big enough for him to be crammed in all day while, plus, Steve’s guest bedroom had a shower and a bathtub that was easier for him to maneuver as he healed. Wayne had a key and usually came by for dinner when he could, but Steve and Eddie were left to their own devices in the large house.

The first night that he got out of the hospital, they came home to Steve’s, the two of them sat out on the back deck on side by side lawn chairs with a joint and a beer until the sun went down behind the trees. They made casual conversation, talking about the kids and how they thought they were going to do in the upcoming school year. Talked about how Dustin technically owed Eddie money for the amount of vending machine snacks he bought during his hospital stay, and how Steve didn’t ever question where the copious amounts of Twizlers and Dr. Pepper was coming from when he would arrive. 

Eddie laughed at that, a small but genuine laugh that ticked up the corners of his mouth and left Steve feeling like there was a hummingbird in his chest. 

Steve’s chest hurt differently then. 

It didn’t feel like a pain but rather a swell that washed over him as he sighed and laughed along in a way that felt a lot more like relief than pain. He wondered if he’d ever really ever be able to feel the difference again.

Steve’s chest hurt a whole new kind of different every little time he realized he was in love with Eddie.

All the incidents were fairly innocuous. Little moments where he would just observe, just take Eddie in as a person and realize over and over again that he loved him. It made him want to keep eyelids taped open so he wouldn’t miss a second of the glory that was Eddie Munson, of Eddie Munson being alive after being literally torn apart in hell. He’d watch him move and talk and breathe, partly to make sure that he wasn’t going anywhere and partly because he couldn’t get enough of him.

This night, he was sitting on his living room floor, watching Eddie and Robin bicker on the couch as they passed the third joint of the night between them. Robin was gesticulating wildly and Eddie was watching with wide eyes and a small, lazy smile as she recounted her day at work and the girl that kept coming in to ask questions about new movies. 

“I think it might be fate, I’m afraid. I think I’m going to fall in love with her.” she says dramatically and slumps back against  the arm of the couch. 

“Oh what a burden.” Eddie says with a roll of his eyes. 

“Shut up.”

“Robin, I think you should just let it happen. You’re smoother than you think you are, I promise. Just let it come naturally and see where things go.” Steve says encouragingly. 

“That’s easy for you to say, Steven. You’re good at being in love, you’ve done it all before but this is uncharted territory for me.” she sighs and Steve just nods, not wanting this to be the moment that he talks about his not so straight feelings for Eddie and how they have him wondering if he had ever really been in love before at all.

“Come on, Robin. You don’t have to have any prior qualifications to fall in love with someone, there’s no license needed to be adored or anything. I mean, be careful, obviously; but if there’s something that feels right between you two I think that’s worth exploring. Trust me, life’s too short to have too many ‘what ifs’.” he says and takes a drag off the joint. Robin and Steve are both silent, taking in his words and the fact that he recently almost lost his own life.

“You ever been in love, Munson?” Steve asks and looks up at him. Robin cocks her head at him and stares at him with narrowed eyes for a moment like she’s trying to put together a puzzle. He was focused on Eddie while he was thinking, but he sees Robin’s face relax after a moment, like she’s remembered the answer for something that she had forgotten. 

Eddie looks down and studies Steve for a moment, watching him with focused and intentional eyes. “I don’t know, I think I’m still figuring that out.” he says and Steve is thrown for a loop. He didn’t realize he had wanted him to say ‘no’, or say ‘yes, I’m in love with you, actually” until it didn’t happen. He and Eddie were holding each other’s eyes, seemingly waiting for the other to break the silence and say something. 

Robin finally cracks a moment later and tells them that this mystery woman that held her infatuation was in fact Nancy Wheeler, and neither Steve nor Eddie were shocked enough to give her the theatrical response she had apparently been hoping for. 

“What do you mean you knew!” she says, pacing around the living room now.

“Robin I have eyes, you look at that woman like she hung the moon.” Eddie says with a giggle. 

“You too?” she asks at Steve who nods solemnly. 

“I love you, but you are not as sly as you think you are. You’ve got those big heart eyes.”

“Well so do you!” she yells back and points at him and Steve looks at her with the most deathly glare he can behind where Eddie is turned and facing here. He looks over his shoulder and Steve relaxes his face. Eddie huffs a laugh.

“He sure does.” he says and then proceeds to rub his own, red rimmed eyes where he sits on the couch. 

Robin continues her monologue about Nancy, and how she hoped that Steve wasn’t upset and how she  felt more alive than she had in years when they were together. Steve understood all too well. 

The night wrapped up when Robin declared herself too tired and proceeded to stomp off to the guest room that she had deemed as her room when she was at Steve’s and left Eddie and Steve finishing a joint on the couch. 

“Nancy Wheeler. . .” Eddie draws as he exhales smoke and leans back into the couch.

“Nancy Wheeler.” Steve says and leans forward to rest on his knees and shakes his head. 

“You sure you okay with that, Steve?” he asks and Steve takes the joint and takes a long drag.

“I’m sure. I loved Nancy, sure, but it’s not like that. I want her to be happy, I want Robin to be happy. I think it makes sense and I can make sure they stay safe; keep an eye on them so no one bothers them or anything.” he says and looks over his shoulder at Eddie.

“You just gotta save everyone don’t you?” he asked with a small smile. He was playing with the string of his hoodie in front of his mouth and Steve had to ignore the way he wanted to use them to pull him in close. 

“I mean it worked the last few times.” he says with a shrug and stamps out the joint in the ashtray. 

“Sure did, Harrington.” Eddie says and exhales, dipping his head to hold his eyes. “Sure did.” He reaches a hand up and rubs Steve’s back where he’s slouched over, letting his palm run down his side over his shirt before playfully pushing his shoulder. Steve tries not to think about how it’s the best human contact he’s had in months, how it’s not making him insane where he sits on the couch. 

They head up for bed, Steve going slow behind Eddie on the stairs, stiff from sitting for too long and they bid each other goodnight as usual. Steve washes up, shucks his clothes save for his boxers and gets into bed, knowing that sleep won’t come. 

He replayed the conversations of the night over and over again in his head on a loop and tried to dissect each vein of each word of what Eddie had said. The night goes on and he doesn’t know how late it is but after tossing and turning nothing changes. When he’s holding his pillow to his chest he can’t get Eddie’s words out of the loop that is spinning in his head, making his chest feel discombobulated and confused.  

I don’t know, I think I’m still figuring that out.

It was too vague, too abstract for Steve to do anything with. Was he deciding if he was in love that he used to be with, or figuring out if he was in love now? Another part of Steve’s brain is upset that he doesn’t know if he’s been in love or not. He’s mad that if someone was with Eddie, they didn’t show him and make him believe that he was loved and Steve was upset that a person as kind and warm as Eddie was wasn’t being shown that. He wasn’t okay with the fact that Eddie didn’t know the love that he knew he could show him but Steve was also very aware of the fact that he still had a lot of his old self to repent for. 

That it wouldn’t make sense for Eddie to love him back at all. 

His chest hurt again at the thought of that. 

He let himself pretend the pillow his face was buried into was stretches of pale skin and scars and tattoos. It doesn’t help him fall asleep as much as he thought it would so he huffs and rolls over to look at the ceiling when he decides to get up and get one of the pills his psychiatrist had given him for the nights he knew sleep wouldn’t come and his heart rate would continue to escalate until he was gripping at the roots of his hair until the sun came up.

Steve’s used to moving quietly when he needs to get up at night. He remembers once, when he was a boy, getting up at night for water but not being able to reach the glasses on the top shelf. When he’d reached for them, one fell and smashed on the kitchen floor, alerting his parents to his presence and he was yelled at and sent to bed without water and tears in his eyes. So now, he’s used to the third floorboard to the left from the bathroom door creaking more than the others and he’s used to the way that the bottom step snaps if he steps on it on the right side. He knows how to get to the kitchen without making a noise or disturbing anything in the quiet house. 

He makes his way out of his room only opening his door about halfway to slide through so as to not bother the creaky hinges, he takes his time on the carpeted floors, and walks down to the stairs nearly missing the last step entirely this time because of how distracted he is. 

When he enters the kitchen, the light is already on and he sees the silhouette of Eddie standing in front of the fridge. He watches him from the doorway for a moment. He scratches his head, reaches in to move a few things around, before sighing and closing the fridge to turn. He leans on the counter and as he’s scanning it he catches Steve’s form out of the corner of his eyes and bolts with a shout. 

“Shit! Steve, oh my god. Holy fuck dude you scared the shit out of me.” he says and places a hand over his heart, willing it to calm down. 

“Sorry, sorry I don’t know, yea sorry. I guess I’m more quiet than I realized.” he says with a small laugh and will himself to move to the sink to fill up a glass with water. He doesn’t realize his hands are shaking and he sees the ripples in the water glass as he brings it to his mouth and chugs it in one go. He reaches for the bottle of pills he keeps on the counter as a reminder and swallows it quickly.

When he’s done he turns and sees Eddie watching him with furrowed eyebrows. “You okay?” he asks and nods at the bottle that’s back in its place on the counter. 

“Needed help falling asleep.” he says with a shrug, but even the small motion seems to take an enormous amount of energy.

“Hmm me too. Nightmare?” he asks and eyes Steve as if he’s looking for some proof. 

“No, not today, just can’t make it turn off tonight.” he says and rolls his eyes. 

“I get that. I feel like the silence makes it worse. Too much room to fuck around up here.” he says and taps on his head with his knuckles and leans forward onto the kitchen island to look at Steve. He takes him in, wearing a pair of boxers and a black shirt that looks like it maybe used to have a graphic on the front of his. His hair is tied up in a bun with pieces framing his face and it’s Steve’s personal favorite way he wears it because it exposes the long lines of pale skin on his neck and the pretty veins that run below it. Steve gets vampires a lot more now.

But Eddie looks tired, shaken even. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, no,  I fell asleep for a bit ‘cause of the weed but had a weird dream and woke up and. . . yea.” he says and shakes his head. “I keep thinking it’ll stop happening but I don’t think I’m there yet.” he says and shrugs, lips tight seriously and Steve thinks he sees them tremble a little under the light. His chest hurts for Eddie again. 

“Do you want to come  back to my room?” he says before he can even process what just came out of his mouth.

“What?”

“I mean to hang out until we pass out. It’s easier sometimes, to fall asleep knowing that someone is there. I do it with Robin sometimes.” he says as if the prevalent lesbianism of his best friend excused the way he was nearly begging Eddie to sleep in the same bed as him. 

“Oh.” Eddie says and thinks for a moment. “I mean, yea that sounds cool. Okay.” he says and Steve nods before nodding towards the stairs and Eddie follows him out of the kitchen and into the hall. 

They make it to Steve’s room and he flips back the covers and gestures for Eddie to tuck in next to him. Eddie bounces into the bed and immediately gets under the covers and kicks his legs around. 

“What are you doing?” Steve says with a chuckle as he watches him wiggle about. 

“Acclimating to my environment.” he says with a smile, and okay; maybe Steve is a little stoned but it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He wants to simultaneously  scream and rips his lungs out with his bare hands. He gets into bed and settles into his side of the bed, pulling the covers up under his arms and looking up at the ceiling. Eddie mirrors him but Steve can hear him tapping his nails together and wiggling his toes.

“I can hear you thinking.” Eddie says after a moment of silence.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“You can’t prove anything.”

“You think much more than you give yourself credit for, Stevie. I happen to like your brain and your thoughts quite a lot.”

“Ha ha.” he deadpans to Eddie.

“I’m serious. You always know what to do in an emergency, you’re the only person that can make Buckley laugh so hard she pisses herself, and you know like an insane amount of shit about cars. I mean you hang out with me so that’s questionable but -”

“That’s not questionable at all.” he scoffs, a little more emotion in his voice than he meant to.

“No? The satanist, murderer, druggie -”

“And what?” he challenges. “You may be into blood sacrifice but you’re one of my best friends and you make me dinner when I work late. Spaghetti is very metal.” he says. They’re both still looking up at the ceiling, not moving from their spots under the blanket. Eddie shakes with his chuckle and Steve revels in the sound. Revels that he made him sound like that. “That funny to you, Munson?” 

“I just can’t believe I’m friends with Steve Harrington.” he says and lets out a sigh and turns his head to face Steve on the pillows. “I’m glad that I am though. For the record.” he says and then promptly looks back up at the ceiling with a sigh.

Steve’s chest hurts again. He thinks back to Eddie’s words and thinks about how badly he wants things to be different. To not just be friends. He wants to be friends with Eddie for as long as he lives, but he also wanted to love Eddie down to the bones with every day, every breath, every ounce of determination and effort he had; even though he knew loving Eddie is as easy as breathing. 

He was already doing it everyday. 

He didn’t know if it was the weed, or the sleeping pill but he mustered up some foreign courage to whisper Eddie’s name in the darkness. 

“Eddie?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you be mad if I loved you?”

“I know that you love me.”

“Really?”

“Really. You love all of us, you let me stay in your house, you came to visit me in the hospital, you're the babysitter of the decade,” he says with a small laugh and Steve wants to join but it feels like his chest is cracking open as he speaks, “you’re always looking out for us. So yea, I know that you love us.”

“But what if I loved you differently?” Steve asks as if ‘what if’ would make a difference in what he was asking. 

There’s a beat of silence that hangs in the air between them before Eddie speaks again.

“What kind of different?”

Steve weighs his options. He could lie; he could tell him that he cared for him deeply and wanted to see him happy, which was true. Or he could tell the truth, and risk everything. 

The pain that sits in his chest makes the decision for him. 

“The kind of different where I tell you that I’m in love with you. That I think about you everyday. That my chest hurts when I look at you for too long and think about the fact that I almost lost you, we almost lost you. I don’t know what life would be like if we lost you Eddie, jesus. I’ve never been that scared in my life and I didn’t think that I had much to lose until then. I knew that Robin and the kids would all be fine, everyone would still be fine if something happened to me, but I never had considered that I’d ever have to live in a world without you until it was too late.” he pauses. “The kind of different that makes me want to kill anyone that’s every hurt you even though I know that includes me too.” he says and can’t tear his eyes away from the ceiling even though he knows there’s tears running down his temples and into his hair as he lays his heart and soul out on the table for Eddie. 

Eddie is silent, but Steve knows that he’s thinking. That sometimes his brain moves too quickly to keep up with and he needs buffering time to parse out his thoughts before responding. 

Over the sheets he hears a rustle and suddenly Eddie’s fingers are trailing down the inside of Steve’s wrist until their fingers are interlaced and Eddie’s thumb is running over his pulse point. 

“Steve? Stevie, please look at me.” he asks and his voice sounds thick with tears. Steve slowly moves his head on the pillow to the side to face him.  

Eddie’s eyes are red rimmed and there’s tear tracks on his cheeks. He looks at Steve with his big and bright eyes and in the moonlight with his tears they look like they’re sparkling.

“Do you mean it?” he asks quietly and Steve just nods, at a loss for words. Eddie continues to look at him like he’s trying to piece together everything that’s happening in his brain. “I do too.”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat. “What. . .”

“Steve, you’re - I’m. . .” he trails off, a tear slipping from his lashes onto the pillow below him. “I’m no good, Steve. I’m no good, so I didn’t think it would ever be possible to be loved back.” he says like it’s a fact of life that he had accepted. 

Steve’s chest hurts more than it ever has in his life.

“It is. Eddie you’re good. You’re so good, it kills me.” he says and has to stop himself when his voice waivers and shakes. He finally turns to face Eddie on his own side, inching closer and removing the sensible amount of space that was between them. 

“I didn’t know. . .” he says and more tears fall and Steve wants to stab himself for every tear that falls because he wasted time not telling him how loved he was from the moment he laid eyes on him. 

“I’m sorry; I was scared. I couldn’t stomach the thought of you going away.”

“It’s not your fault.” Eddie says and reaches out to touch Steve’s face. His gentle fingers traced his skin, the path they take leaving a tingling sensation along with it. “I couldn’t leave you if I tried.” he says and it sounds like he meant it to be funny, but the sincerity in his face and the way he’s staring back at Steve has him silent.  

“Is this. . . is this happening?” Steve wonders out loud. He’s looking at Eddie and the reality of the moment hits him like a ton of bricks.

Eddie smiles softly and nods against the pillow. “Yea. I think we’re in love or something, Harrington.” he says with so much love in his voice Steve wants to break open his ribs and hand him his heart on a silver platter. 

Before he knows what he’s doing, Steve leans in and closes the gap completely and slots their mouths together. Eddie doesn’t move for a moment, just sighs against Steve before moving one hand up to hold the side of his face while Steve ascends from where his mouth is locked on his.

It’s better than anything he had ever felt before. Eddie’s hands were safe and strong where they reached out to hold Steve’s side, and the slick movement of his lips made him dizzy. He wanted to drink him in, wanted to be so close that he was a part of him. It felt all encompassing and divine to have Eddie, his beautiful Eddie, so close and so gentle with him. He hadn’t expected pain or stress but the tenderness that he was using in holding Steve and keeping him close was so perfect it made him feel like he was on fire. 

When they finally have to pull back to gasp for air, Eddie keeps a tight hold on his side to keep them close together, panting and gasping in each other’s mouths. 

“I love you.” Steve exhales, wanting to get it out of his mouth before he gets distracted again. 

“I love you.” Eddie says back, and Steve’s world is different knowing so.

He wonders if he checked the time if he would see that it had stopped for a moment. If the clocks would all be frozen for a moment, if the hands stopped ticking to show the precise moment that Steve’s world ended and then opened again to swallow him back to earth where he fucking finally had Eddie in his arms. 

His chest felt differently now. It might not even hurt at all. 

His heart sprouted wings and bounced around in his ribcage as Eddie pulled him back in to reconnect their mouths and it felt like he was soaring. This time, Steve opens his mouth to taste Eddie like a ripe piece of fruit. He nibbles on his lower lip and pulls a groan out of him that he wants to bottle up and keep close to him forever. 

It’s all happening so fast, but the closeness and firm line of his body felt strong and safe next to Steve and he reached down to hold his hip and pull himself closer so that they were aligned. The feeling of Eddie’s body against him was heaven. He was warm and strong, and the proximity made his homey smell sink into Steve’s nose like he was drowning it. Not that he minded at all. Their lips were messy, almost too much spit, but the thought of not having Eddie as close as possible, of pulling away at all made him dizzy. They kissed like they had been kissing for years; intuitively moving and grabbing and letting each other take turns and adjusting to small bites on lower lips. 

When they connected he felt the line of his cock press against Eddies and they both shared an exhale of a laugh against each other’s mouths, the disbelief of the moment taking over. 

“Is this okay?” Steve stops to ask. 

“More than okay. Fuck, I’ve been thinking about this for so long, baby.” Eddie moans when Steve moves his hips up again. 

Baby.

Something breaks in Steve. 

He moans like a whore and he’s sure if he was more coherent he would be embarrassed. But then, the pet name and Eddie, filled his senses; he had never been more turned on in his life. Eddie was lighting him on fire from the inside out and he physically could not be close enough to him if he tried. He wanted to crack open his ribs and find a home below his heart so that Eddie could seal himself back up and always have Steve close. Eddie himself was panting and groaning into Steve’s mouth and the whole thing felt fairly juvenile, to be making out and dry humping in his childhood bedroom, but he didn’t care, couldn’t care with the elation swelling in his chest knowing that Eddie loved him .

Love had always made Steve Harrington a little mad, but Eddie had pushed him into the deep end.

Steve grinds down and their cocks line up and rub together. He lifts one leg up and over Eddie’s hip under the covers and he uses the new position to reach down and pull and knead at the flesh of Steve’s ass. Steve whimpers and moans into Eddie’s mouth, a string of saliva hanging between them that he only sees as a memento that they’re too far away for his liking when they part for breath again. The string breaks and hangs on Eddie’s chin and he doesn’t wait a moment before licking it off his chin and sliding his tongue back to his mouth. 

He thinks that maybe the god that didn’t listen to him when he cried for Eddie to get better might have also made a mistake in keeping them from each other until then. He felt like he was more at home than he had ever been in his life when he was pressed against Eddie. His tongue in his mouth and his cock grinding against his felt holier than any of the prayers he had cried in his life and the elation in his chest was nothing short of joyful. He was addicted to the feeling, the smell, the sight of Eddie’s skin pressed against his own and he wondered if maybe he had died when he went downstairs to take his sleeping pill. That this was the heaven he was supposed to go to. 

When Eddie pulls back for air, he tilts his hips up and Steve can’t not imagine what it would be like to have him holding his leg up on his hip with his cock driving deep inside of him. He wonders how long he could stay like that, with Eddie inside him and keeping him close in a way that no one else had that was singularly just for him. He thinks distantly, that he wants Eddie to be the only person to know what that’s like, that part of Steve’s flesh and blood was made just for him. Steve gasps at the thought and the change in position and the corners of Eddie’s mouth tick up in a small smile.

“Yea?” he asks, and Steve isn’t sure what he’s referring to or why

“More, want more of you.” he says but nods his head and Eddie just nods back before reconnecting their mouths and gripping onto the back of Steve’s thigh, high up under the swell of his ass to keep him pressed close so that he could take control and roll his hips up to create more of a rhythm between them. 

Steve moans loudly, he’s never felt this good before. It feels like he’s already cumming, maybe he is, but just the feeling of Eddie’s hard cock is enough to make him feel like he was ascending to something better than he had ever had before. 

Eddie moans and keeps moving his hips, rocking them back and forth and letting their tongues tangle and drink each other in after having been deprived for so long. All at once it feels like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and the end is in sight. He wants to pull back and tell Eddie that he’s close to releasing against him, but he must be able to feel it because he just nods against his mouth and smiles again when Steve begins to shake in his arms, coming undone against him. 

“Eddie, love you, love you. . .” he chants as his hips stutter and shake and he feels like his heart is on the outside of his body, bloody and beating in Eddie’s hands as he cums. He hears Eddie let out a long groan and the fingered digging into his ass press hard enough to bruise. Steve hopes it does.

They keep kissing as they come down. Softer and more gentle kisses spread along jaws and cheeks and chins. Eddie murmurs against his skin that Steve only hears when he faintly starts to come back to himself. 

“Love you so much, baby. Not letting you go. So good for me Stevie, so good.” he said and kissed every inch of Steve’s skin that he could reach. Finally, Steve reached up and turned his head to hold his cheek and press a soft kiss to his mouth.

“I love you so much.” he says and wants to sob. 

“I love you. I love you, Steve.” he says and both of the bottom lips tremble in tandem as they cry and kiss and hold each other. 

“You’re mine now.” Eddie says quietly.

“Think I’ve been yours all along.” Steve replies and looks up at him with glassy eyes. Steve kisses his hairline and nuzzles his nose into his shoulder before wiggling, the sticky sensation in his boxers starting to become unpleasant. 

He trudges out of bed, pulling Eddie by the hand behind him as he pulls out two new pairs of boxers and takes them into his bathroom. He only turns on one of the big lights, keeping it dim and quiet, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful state between them. They strip quietly, letting their eyes linger over each other’s scars and small markings; cataloging new skin that in a way belongs to each other now. 

They clean quickly and trudge back to bed where Eddie flops in comfortably and Steve slides in next to him, feeling the sleeping pill he took earlier finally start to kick in. He whines when he realizes it, tucking himself further into Eddie so that his head was tucked under his chin and all he could smell, all he could see in the darkness was Eddie. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asks and kisses the top of Steve’s head and trails his fingers down the side of his arm. 

“Gonna fall asleep.” he mumbles and Eddie huffs a laugh above him. 

“I think that’s the point of the sleeping pill. Let yourself sleep, though; lord knows you need it. Do you need anything?” he asks gently.

Steve shakes his head where it’s tucked against his chest. “Just want to be close to you.” he says and kisses the place over his heart and reaches up the back of his shirt to feel his warm skin under his palm. Eddie nods and kisses the top of his head sweetly, taking a big inhale where his nose is tucked into his locks. 

“You got me. Not going anywhere.” he says and rests his cheek on top of his head. Steve closes his eyes

“Gonna fall asleep. . .” he mumbles again.

“Sleep. Rest. When you wake up I’ll still be here, I promise. You can’t get rid of me.” he says and the last part is supposed to be a joke but Steve just clings on tighter and nods.

“Love you.” he mumbles with the last bit of energy he has left in his body.

“Love you so much, Stevie.” Eddie says and it’s the last thing that Steve hears before he passes out into darkness, more relaxed than he had been in years.

***

When Steve wakes the next morning it’s to a face full of brown curls and Eddie spread out over his chest with one hand tucked under his shirt and resting over Steve’s heart. He takes a moment to remember the night before and something swells inside him when he remembers that Eddie loves him . 

He hums at the thought and looks around the room, taking in the way the sun is coming in through the curtains and how it’s probably the afternoon already, but he doesn't care. He’s pretty sure the ceiling could cave in or the sky could fall and nothing would move him from the moment of bliss that was tucked into his covers. 

Eddie starts to move at the sound. He nuzzles his face deeper into Steve’s chest and rests his cheek there before looking up at Steve, blinking his eyes open and taking him in moment by moment. 

“It was real. . .” he says to himself more than to Steve. His voice groggy with sleep was deep and rough and one of the most stunning things Steve had ever heard. He brings up a heavy hand and pushes his bangs off of his face. 

“Hi. I love you.” is all that his brain is capable of getting out as he wakes. He’s halfway to falling asleep again, warm and content with Eddie on him. 

“I love you.” Eddie says with a small smile and tilts his head to place a kiss over Steve’s heart. “Go back to sleep. We have all day.” 

“We have forever.” Steve says dreamily and Eddie smiles warmly before shuffling and adjusting so that he can lean up and press a chaste kiss to Steve’s mouth. A warmth fills him in a way he didn't know he could feel.

“Forever.” Eddie agrees and kisses him again before resting his head back on his chest and letting his eyes drift close. 

Steve’s chest still hurt sometimes, thinking about the things that Eddie had been through and the pain that he had suffered. But now, gloriously now, he could do everything in his power and devote his life to making sure that Eddie didn’t have to feel that pain alone and that he would never question if he was loved again or not.