Chapter Text
“Bet you can’t.”
“Bet I kriffing can.”
“Bet you kriffing can’t.”
Fives shrugged. “Alright then. When should I do it?”
Jesse gaped at him. “You can’t be serious. You can’t be serious.”
“You bet I couldn’t, so I’m going to prove you wrong.”
“I didn’t mean it, di’kut!”
“Yeah, you did.”
“You need your head checked mate.” Jesse spoke into his comm. “Kix? Fives has gone mad. I may need backup.”
“Oh, for kriff’s sake Jesse! What have you done to him now?” The medic sounded tired and strained through the comm. “Is he in one piece?”
“Who’s in one piece?”
“What–? Hardcase this is a private comm channel.”
Jesse laughed at the confusion in Kix’s voice.
“Not any more suckers!” Hardcase replied. “So, who’s in one piece?”
“Hardcase, go away. I was talking to Jesse not you.”
“No can-do Kix. I appear to have become mysteriously stuck to my comm. Can’t turn it off. Sorry.”
“Just ignore him, Kix,” said Jesse. “Anyway, Fives is completely fine apart from his plan to break into Commander Wolffe’s office.”
There was a strangled choking noise from the other end of the line. “What?” managed Kix eventually. “Did you actually say what I thought you said, Jesse, or was that Hardcase being a di’kut?”
“Hey!” objected Hardcase. “I sound nothing like Jesse!”
“I wish,” muttered Kix, barely audible across the channel.
“You heard me right,” confirmed Jesse. “Fives has lost his few remaining marbles.”
“Is he with you?”
“Yes.”
“I want a word with him.”
“Tell him I don’t want to,” whispered Fives.
“Err... Fives says he doesn’t want to, Kix.”
“Doesn’t want to what?”
“Talk to you.”
“For kriff’s sake... where are you?”
“In the ba–”
Fives clapped a hand over Jesse’s mouth. “Barracks.” He finished.
“Fives, I know you said that, so I am going to assume you are not in the barracks. I am going to find you, Fives, and then I’m going to tie you to a chair.”
“Okay, see you soon.” Fives shut off the comm, letting Jesse tug back his arm.
“Why d’you stop me?”
“You were going to tell him we were in the barracks.”
“But Fives you osi’kovid, we are in the barracks.”
“Yes, but if you told him, he would believe you and come here. If I told him, he would think I was lying so look everywhere but here.”
Jesse stared at him, trying to muddle through this tangled logic.
“So,” continued Fives, “we can stay here, in peace and quiet, without Kix trying to sedate me.” He lay back on his bunk, lifting his head to look at Jesse. “When should I do it?”
“Do what?” asked Jesse innocently, feigning ignorance.
“Really, Jesse? You can’t have forgotten already !”
“I was hoping you had.”
“No chance.”
“Urgh... come on Fives, I don’t actually want you to break into Wolffe’s office.” His attempt was in vain.
“You put the idea in my head, Jesse, and now it won’t go away. Should I go right now?”
“No! He might be there.”
“Who might be where?”
“Hardcase stop doing that!” Jesse stood up as Hardcase walked in. “No one asked you in here.”
“Damn it,” Hardcase shook his head. “You know, Fives, last time I checked, a man was allowed in his own barracks.”
Fives sniggered. “You’re an idiot Hardcase. How did you know we were here anyway?”
“Five minutes ago, you told Kix you were in the barracks. I’m surprised he’s not here before me. The med bay is closer than the mess hall.”
“Ah but,” said Fives, sitting up, “you do not have the distrusting mind of our dear friend Kix. He’ll be running round the meeting rooms by now.”
Hardcase bend double with laughter. Jesse grinned despite himself.
“Anyway,” said Hardcase, when he had recovered. “Are you actually going to break into Wolffe’s office?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Because Jesse bet that I couldn’t.”
“Fair enough,” agreed Hardcase, a strange smile spreading across his face. “What’re you going to do in there?”
“What?”
“You’ve gotta do something to prove you’ve been in and haven’t just lied to us.”
“You’ll know I’ve been in,” scoffed Fives, feeling rather hurt. “I’ll wave at the security camera or something, I dunno.”
“And how would we see the footage?” asked Hardcase. “No, you need physical proof.”
“What, you want me to steal a pair of Wolffe’s underpants?”
Hardcase laughed. “Who keeps their underwear in their office?”
“It’s better than keeping someone else’s underwear in your office,” Jesse said with a grin.
“Stop, you’re trying to distract me,” Hardcase wagged his finger under Jesse’s nose. “What is something you could only find in Wolffe’s office?”
“Wolffe?”
“Oh yeah great idea, Jesse,” Hardcase rolled his eyes. “Just pop into Wolffe’s office why don’t you and bring back Wolffe himself as evidence. He’d never even notice. Real stealthy.”
Jesse hit him.
Fives leapt off his bunk and stuck his hands between his brothers. “We don’t have time for fighting. General Skywalker was reporting to the Jedi temple today, so we’ll probably be off world again within ten rotations. If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it today.”
There was silence as he let this sink in.
“Great,” said Fives, clapping his hands together. “So, you’re betting that I can’t, aren’t you Jesse?”
“Yeah. You’re going to get caught.” Jesse folded his arms.
“You sound like Echo,” Hardcase poked Jesse in the ribs. “Fussing around.”
“Want to say that again, Hard-arse?” Fives raised his eyebrows.
“Nah, I’m good mate. Have you told Echo by the way?”
“No. He’d have a heart attack.”
Hardcase sat on Jesse’s bunk. “He would have several heart attacks and a stroke.”
Jesse pushed Hardcase off his bunk and onto the floor.
“Stop fighting you di’kute,” Fives sighed. “How much do you bet, Jesse?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, come on,” exclaimed Hardcase from the ground. “You’ve got to bet something!”
“Two caf packets.”
“Do ten,” said Hardcase.
“I don’t have ten.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Guys shut up!” shouted Fives. “Jesse, everyone knows about your secret stash.”
“Everyone?”
“Everyone. We all use it.”
“WHAT?”
“Dude, calm down. You bet ten caf packets that I can’t break into Wolffe’s office without being caught, I bet ten that I can.”
“That’s not ten you stole from me, is it?”
Fives held up his hands innocently. “Nope, swear on my life. Look I’ll give them to Hardcase to prove it. Wait here.”
Fives left the room. Hardcase grinned at Jesse. “You should give me your ten as well so’s I can keep them all safe.”
“Fine. Turn around.”
“Vod, I already know you keep them under your mattress.” But he turned around all the same.
Jesse waited until Hardcase was definitely not watching before lifting the corner of his mattress. Underneath, as Hardcase had predicted, was an excellent supply of caf packets pilfered from the mess hall over many rotations.
He counted out ten and returned the mattress to its normal position. “Okay, you can look now.”
Hardcase spun round and grinned at the packets. He held out his hand for them and stuffed them into his cargo pocket.
Fives returned a moment later, bearing ten packets as well.
“Where d’you get those?” Jesse asked suspiciously.
Fives shook his head at him. “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.” He handed his caf to Hardcase where they joined Jesse’s in the cargo pocket.
“Right then,” said Fives once the betting was complete. “I guess I’ll be off then.”
“Wait what are you bringing back?” Jesse stopped him as Fives was making for the door.
“Oh, I dunno,” Fives ran a finger over his beard thoughtfully. “Hardcase, you decide. That makes it unbiased.”
Hardcase frowned for a moment then brightened. “His 79’s ID.”
Fives shook his head. “He would notice if that’s gone.”
“Not if you give it back once you’ve shown us. Wolffe can go without free drinks for a while.”
“It might not be in there,” cautioned Jesse.
“Where else is it going to be?” Hardcase shrugged. “You think that dude carries the thing next to his heart into every battle. Nah, he’ll leave it in a drawer or something. Probably doesn’t use it really. I don’t remember seeing him much in 79’s.”
“He’d go to the commander’s lounge,” agreed Fives. “That settles it then. I go to Wolffe’s office, pinch his 79’s ID then bring it back to show you. If I get caught, Jesse gets the twenty caf packets, if I don’t , I get the caf. Sorted?”
His brothers nodded.
“Right then. Later losers.” He went out, the door sliding shut behind him.
“See you round, Jesse,” Hardcase made for the door as well, but Jesse stuck out a foot, tripping him.
“Where are you going?”
“He can’t expect us to hang around here,” Hardcase said, getting to his feet. “I’m a busy man. Places to go, people to see. Fives’ll find us. He’s annoying like that.”
Jesse let him go. There was no point trying to stop him. Oh well. Hardcase was right. When Fives got back, it wouldn’t take long for him to find them.
Jesse got up and followed the other two out of the barracks. Fives was long gone and Hardcase was disappearing round the corner.
Jesse wandered through the empty corridors, looking for someone to talk to. With the 212 away on a mission and the rest of the 501 preferring to spend their days outside, the GAR buildings were deserted.
The mess hall, he decided eventually, was bound to have someone to talk to. However boring they may be.
He followed the distant hum of voices that marked the location of the canteen. He turned the corner and bumped into someone coming the other way.
“You haven’t seen – oh, it's you.” Kix looked annoyed and rather stressed. “Where’s Fives?”
“Um... I don’t know,” said Jesse slowly. “He... umm... went to the ‘freshers.”
“You are the worst at lying, Jesse,” said Kix angrily. “Just tell me where that kriffing di’kut is.”
“I do not know where that kriffing di’kut is at this exact moment in time, if that helps.”
“No, it doesn’t. Force, I give up with you guys. Oh well, he can’t have gone far.” Kix passed him then turned back. “Go and sit with Echo,” he ordered. “He’ll keep you out of trouble at least.”
“Aye aye, cap’n.”
“Kriff off, Jesse.”
Jesse kriffed off. Inside the mess hall it was quieter than usual. Only a few 501st troopers and the occasional member of the Coruscant guard sat on the regular benches, chatting in little groups, finishing their lunches.
Jesse spotted Echo sitting with Tup and Dogma in a corner. He joined them, stealing a corner of Tup’s bread roll.
“Hello Jesse,” Echo greeted him. “Where’s everyone else?”
“Am I not enough, Echo?” Jesse grinned back. “I think Hardcase has gone out and Fives is... err... Fives is somewhere.”
“ Where is Fives?” Dogma sat bolt upright, scanning the mess hall for the potential wrong doer.
“He’s not breaking any really important laws, don’t worry,” Jesse reassured him.
“Only the little laws?” grinned Tup.
“More like rules, really. Guidelines. There for our safety only.” Jesse nodded wisely.
Echo shook his head but smiled. Dogma got up. “I’m going out. I don’t want to be part of any of your silly schemes. C’mon Tup.”
Tup shrugged. “Bye guys.”
“Bye Tup.”
They watched the other two leave. Then Echo turned on him. “Go on then.”
“What?”
“Where’s Fives? What’s he doing?”
Jesse told him.
“He’s WHAT?”
“Shh!” Jesse quickly put a hand over Echo’s mouth. Other soldiers in the canteen turned to look. Jesse smiled awkwardly at them. When they had all gone back to their own conversations, Jesse took his hand away.
Echo had, luckily, calmed down. “What d’you mean, breaking into Wolffe’s office?” He whispered.
“That’s what he’s doing,” Jesse replied. “He’s gone to get Wolffe’s 79’s ID.”
“Why does he need it?”
“He doesn’t really. I bet that he couldn’t get into the office and Hardcase said he had to bring something back as proof.”
“Why would you do that? You’re going to lose.” Echo put his face in his hands, smiling at his brother’s stupidity.
“What d’you mean ‘going to lose’?”
“No one’s going to catch him, are they? You stupid clone, he’s duped you out of ten caf packets.” Echo laughed and sat back up to finish his lunch, mind at rest now he knew his brothers weren’t doing dangerous things.
“But Wolffe might go in there! Fives’ bound to get caught.”
“Oh Jesse, you are the dumbest... the Wolf Pack isn’t here. They went three rotations ago. General Plo Koon told General Skywalker where they were going. Didn’t you know?”
Jesse was staring at him, mouth hanging open in horror. He opened and closed it a few times, trying to think of something to say. “I’ve... I’ve been TRICKED!” He almost shouted in outrage. Once again, a few shock troopers turned and frowned at him. One or two of them sniggered. Jesse ignored them. “That kriffing jagyc’kovid. I am going to murder him. I am going to take those caf packets and shove them–”
“Calm down, vod,” said Echo, laughing at his brother’s rage filled expression.
“No, I will not calm down! That shabuir will pay for swindling me out of ten caf packets. C’mon, Echo.” He grabbed Echo’s arm and, not giving him any choice in the matter, dragged him out of the hall.
After several corridors, Echo managed to free his arm. He stopped and called after Jesse. “Wait where are we going?”
Jesse stopped too. “I thought maybe the barracks. Put his blanket in the ‘fresher or something. Hide his toothbrush, I dunno.” An idea struck him. He was talking to Fives’ best friend after all. “Echo, you don’t happen to know where Fives keeps his secret horde of caf, do you?”
Echo nodded. “Sure, it’s–”
They were interrupted by a voice calling their names.
“Hey! Echo, Jesse!” It was Rex. He sauntered towards them carrying his helmet under one arm.
“Err... hello Captain,” said Echo.
“Hi Rex,” Jesse tried to look relaxed and idle.
“Hello boys,” Rex smiled at them. “Thought you’d be in the mess hall.”
“We’ve just come from there,” said Echo.
“Left before the party started?” said Rex, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t blame you really. I was going to my office to stay out of it, but I thought you two would be there.”
“What party?” asked Jesse suspiciously.
“Not a proper party of course,” went on Rex. “But the Wolf Pack just got back and the mess is putting on a bit more food for them.”
He laughed, confused at his brothers’ expressions. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Jesse. Everything okay?”
“The... Wolf Pack, sir?”
“Yes...?” Rex grinned slowly at him. “You’ve gone a weird colour, vod.”
“So... Wolffe is back too...?” Echo swallowed nervously.
“Yes,” repeated Rex. “I spoke to him just now. He’s gone to his office to file a report.”
“His OFFICE?” asked Jesse and Echo together.
Rex was really confused now. “What are you two doing?”
But Jesse and Echo were already halfway down the corridor, accelerating every second.