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AITA for leaving my husband because my husband’s ex has come back from the grave, and my husband wanted him to be part of our marriage?
So, for context, my (29m) husband (30m) - whom I will call Ryz and I have known each other since high school. We were not that close then - he only annoyed me, and our relationship was purely senpai-kohai. At that time, he was wary of being close to other people and only had his eyes on his high school sweetheart- my husband’s ex, whom I will call Rad, but something happened in our high school days that I cannot disclose, but the gist was they broke up - it was messy, and Ryz wasn’t able to move on for so many years.
I left our field, and I may not have cut my contact, but it’s almost the same; I do not have any contact from my past, but he was able to find me 6 months after we parted ways and started pestering me about my new field and how boring it was - I think it was only to fill in the lonely space in his heart. Ryz and I started to get close and to have a real relationship when he needed someone to babysit his adopted children. I was part of their daily life, and as per Ryz, the children loved me more. We’ve been married for 4 years - we didn’t have a conventional relationship; we just got married right away when we felt it was the right time.
Now, many things have happened, and one of those is Rad's reappearance in our lives. Now I know that I’m only a placeholder; there’s a tiny voice in my brain that always tells me that he will leave me once Rad comes back—and miraculously, he did come back. Now I’m in a motel room with bags of my belongings and a phone that hasn't stopped ringing.
I apologize if my posts are a bit scattered; I haven’t gotten any sleep this past week, and I’m just really tired.
As I said, I have always known my position in Ryz’s life; that’s why when he told me that he wanted to talk to Rad alone and to be with him for a couple of days to set things straight, I packed my bags. My son saw me and tried to plead with me to stay, but I told him that I loved his father to be a burden to the relationship that he always wanted - he loved Rad so much, and I could not bring myself to be the reason why they can’t be together. I told my son that I would always love him and his sister but must leave for my own peace and heart. But he asked me to stay and just wait for what his father would say, so I did stay with a compromise that he would not tell Ryz that I was already planning to leave with a divorce paper already waiting to be signed.
Now, the real problem for me is not the divorce that my husband doesn’t want to sign; he wanted the three of us to be in a relationship, and Rad agreed with him, telling me that it was going to be healthy for the three of us supporting each other. I told them that three is a crowd and that Ryz has to let one go - many things happened, but the short one was many things had been destroyed in his house - not my home, not anymore - and tears had been shed, but they did not budge. So I left.
But now my friends—or so I think they're my friends—keep calling me to ask me to reconsider, telling me about the beauty the three of us will make and that it will really make Ryz happy and Rad saved—like me, being in that relationship will be the salvation of Rad from his past doing. They keep on pestering me, using my son and his friends to guilt me into coming back. My resolve was solid at first, but with everyone on Ryz and Rad's side, my resolve is becoming weak. Am I in the wrong?
Edit: Since most of you are asking questions, I will just put it here instead of individually answering it all.
Questions about my family—I do not have a great relationship with my family. Though we are not on bad terms, we just didn’t get close. We have different lives, and I would rather them be far away from my field.
Question about my friends - All of my friends are siding with Ryz and Rad on this situation; their last message to me is that both Ryz and Rad needed me in their lives and that we should fix this like adults instead of me running away - I replied that they did not give me a choice they just shove in my face that the three of us will be in this marriage. I blocked them right after they replied that I was making a mistake and that I was only hurting myself and making it hard for Ryz and Rad.
Questions about my step-kids - My stepchildren also sided with them—it’s complicated, but they’re also in the same mindset as my friends. They wanted me to return for Ryz and Rad’s well-being and for me to play mom in their lives. To those commenting why I left my children: Don’t get me wrong, I do love them - but they’re at the age of knowing what’s right and wrong, of knowing to empathize with others as I taught them that; that’s why It’s a surprise that they are only siding with Ryz and not getting my side. I also blocked them when Ryz used my son’s number to call me.
Questions about work - Our line of work is complicated to share and is irrelevant to my situation.
Questions if I genuinely love Ryz for me to walk away that easy - Yes, I do love him, and like I said, I love him so much that I know when to distance myself regarding his true love. I also love myself and will walk away when someone disrespects my wishes. Also, he did not fight for me in the first place. He did not assure me that he loved me the moment Rad walked into our lives again - he knows about my insecurities about my abilities and my appearance - work-related injuries - but the moment he sees Rad, he let go of my hand and for me, that’s it.
Last input: I do not want to be part of a triad; I do not want to be involved with three people in a relationship. I do not care that Ryz loves the two of us equally and will die if I’m not part of their lives. I do not care about their confession that Rad also loved me from the very beginning—it sounds like a trashy move. And at this moment I do not care if the kids are also hurt - they have Ryz and Rad to play a happy family with them, I done.
That’s it, I will give an update if anything happens.
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