Chapter Text
It’s not a rejection fic. It’s a rebound fic.
For everybody who doesn’t know.
I got forced out the closet, abused by the girl who outed me, and dated a guy because girls make me want to fucking kill myself.
Funnily enough? Being with a guy doesn’t really work when you’re a full time lesbian.
All I want to do is forget about my ex – er, the shitty gay one, not the cool straight one. You know what they say: the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.
And I’m gonna get under a whole lot of girls before graduation.
But where the fuck do I start?
Flirting with any girl in sight probably wasn’t my best idea. Not that I remember the last time I had a good idea. I’d hoped that if I made one hundred shots, then at least one would land in a goal. The only place I’d landed in was the school’s sex rehab program. Again. Last time I wound up here because I tried flirting with every guy to compensate for my homosexuality; now I’m here for engaging in my homosexuality. Where is the justice?
No sign of my ex this time. Or anyone, really. The only other person in here with me was the principal, who just busied herself with her book at the desk. I could try making small talk with her, but what would we even discuss? The worrying amount of teachers who were openly pedophiles? Honestly it’s a miracle Miss Lynn herself isn’t flirting with the student body.
Come to think of it, I wonder which way she swings. She is pretty attractive…
No, bad Ari! I might feel like shit right now, but the last thing I should do is flirt with a freaking teacher! Maybe I really should be part of this program if this is where my mind is wandering.
As I stared at my desk and panicked over my gay thoughts, I heard somebody else talking. Not the principal. I swiveled my head to the right. Kelly had joined us. She was clutching a rosary, and seemed to be whispering a prayer. Curious, I strained my ears.
“…my cousin is not hot my cousin is not hot…”
Oh. It’s this again. Whatever, I’m not going to start another argument with her. I’ll just wait out the clock and sit quietly like a good girl.
Nicole used to call me that.
Ok fuck you brain. You’d think I’d only broken up with yesterday the way I thought about her. The last person I broke up with was Hunter and that was easy. Saying “I’m gay” tends to be an effective way to end a heterosexual relationship.
For better or worse, my thoughts about Nicole were being drowned out by Kelly’s increasing volume.
“My cousin is not hot my cousin is not hot!”
Just ignore it.
“…not hot…”
Keep ignoring it.
“…my cousin is-”
“Oh my god shut up!”
“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain!”
“You’re sitting here trying to not fuck your cousin, but blasphemy is what you’re worried about?”
“I can excuse incest, but I draw the line at blasphemy.”
“No shit you can excuse incest with you wanting to bang your cousin!”
“I don’t want to bang him! Because he’s not hot!”
“Hot or not, you’d bend over anyway.”
“Excuse me!?”
“You heard me. I doubt any guy has been left a virgin here with how much you get around.”
“I’m not a slut anymore, remember? I’m in a relationship with Jesus now.”
“That’s not what the lacrosse team were saying last night.”
“I haven’t slept with anybody on the lacrosse team!”
“That’s a first, I thought you were part of the equipment to be honest.”
Kelly sat up from her desk. She slammed her hands on my desk, towering over me, eyes staring straight into me. Cheeks, stop blushing!
“I’m not going to take this from Nicole’s bitch!”
Now it was my turn to stand.
“Oh you did not just go there. You were probably too busy selling your body to notice, but I’m not with Nicole anymore.”
“Is that why you’ve been trying to fuck every girl you can see? Who’s the school slut now, huh?”
“Unlike you, I haven’t succeeded!”
That last line sounded a lot better in my head.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure someone in this school will be desperate enough to fuck you.”
“At least I don’t need Plan B every morning!”
“But you wouldn’t need Plan B anyway…?” Kelly screwed her face in concentration as she actually tried to think for once. Adorable. “Miss Lynn, do lesbians need Plan B?”
“I’m not part of this conversation,” Miss Lynn muttered as she turned a page.
Kelly turned her attention back to me.
“Whatever. I’ve never had to take Plan B.”
“Is that because you did a coat hanger abortion first?”
“Do you actually want a fight?”
“Thought you’d never ask!”
Kelly grabbed my hair and started to pull. Before I could retaliate, Miss Lynn yanked both of us away from each other.
No! It was just getting good!
“That’s enough from the both of you.”
“I thought you said you weren’t part of this conversation?” Kelly asked.
“Yes well, that changed when you two decided to get physical. You need to channel your frustrations healthily girls, not like this.”
“She started it!” Kelly pointed at me.
“You were the one moaning over your cousin!”
Kelly looked like she was about to say something, but Miss Lynn got there first.
“ENOUGH! You two are going to sit here in silence for the rest of the session. Have I made myself clear?”
Kelly meekly sat down without another word. I just nodded as I sat.
The authoritative voice was kind of hot though...
When will I escape my gay thoughts?
I couldn’t get out of the classroom fast enough. Kelly must have had the same idea, seeing as she was right behind me.
“So will I be seeing you next week?” Kelly asked. Did she forget we were fighting half an hour ago?
“I don’t think so. Miss Lynn said it would only be the one session so long as I stop flirting with everyone.”
“Oh.”
“Wait, you have to go every week?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
“I suppose someone like you would have to go all the time.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like?”
“Why don’t you spell it out for me?”
“You can’t even spell ‘it’? No wonder a bimbo like you is being passed around.”
“I’m not stupid!”
“Says the girl asking if lesbians need Plan B!”
“You were the one who brought it up! …They don’t, do they?”
“Of course not! How would they get pregnant?”
“You tell me, you’re the lesbian who fucked Hunter!”
“Eww, I never slept with Hunter. Gross.”
“Right, because sleeping with Hunter was so much worse than sleeping with Nicole.”
Damn. She’s got me there. Not gonna admit that though.
“Nicole and I were in a relationship! I wasn’t going back to her place in hopes of getting a free iPod!”
“I’ve never sold my body!”
“So you’re just free use then?”
“No! Unlike you, I do have standards!”
She shouted that last bit right in my personal space, her spit going all over my face.
More of that, please.
“Your standards must be pretty low if your baseline is the entire student body! I bet you’ve even had Jeffery inside you!”
“You’re just jealous anyone wants to be inside me at all! The only thing going inside you will be your fingers!”
“I’ll show you what these fingers are capable of!”
“I’d like to see you try!”
Kelly’s face was right in front of mine. Every comment had washed a wave of saliva over me, and our lips were now tantalizingly close. I poised my fingers, taking a moment to breath before I shot out to grab her hair just like she had done to me.
And for the second time, we were interrupted by Miss Lynn.
“You left the room five minutes ago and you’re already flirting!”
“What? We weren’t flirting!”
We definitely weren’t flirting. I didn’t enjoy a single moment of that. Don’t just think it Ari, say it!
“I can see this is going to be a continued problem. Ari, until further notice, you’ll be joining the rehab sessions weekly. Just like Kelly here.”
Kelly shot me a smug smirk upon hearing that.
“But we were fighting!” I protested.
Miss Lynn sighed in exasperation as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Ari, are you about to give me the ‘it’s not what it looks like’ excuse?”
“But it’s not what it looks like!”
Way to play right into her hands, Ari. That definitely convinced her.
“Just make sure you turn up for the sessions. I’ve got enough on my plate. Now, why don’t I escort you two to your lessons before you go off causing trouble again?”
I wasn’t causing trouble in the first place! I knew arguing back was pointless though, so I let Miss Lynn be our escort.
There was a part of me that wondered what would have happened had mine and Kelly’s fight continued.
…
Ok maybe I should get into an actual sex rehab program.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I was sitting down in the back garden, having grabbed a chair from the kitchen. I was partway through my book when I heard another chair being put down next to me.
I looked to my side and saw dad smiling, offering me a can of beer.
“I thought mom said I wasn’t allowed to drink?”
“Your mom says a lot of things, sweetie. She can be angry with me, not you.”
“If you say so…”
I set my book down and graciously took the beer.
I wish I could say it tasted good.
Dad seemed to think otherwise as he very quickly got through his. He looked up at the clear sky, smiling, before his face became serious for a second.
“Is everything ok, Ari?”
“Nah, not really a big fan of Order of the Phoenix.”
“Not about your book!” He laughed. “I meant, things in general? Since…you know?”
“Do you mean since Nicole? And then pretending to be straight for a month?”
“Was trying to be subtle but sure.”
“No offense dad, but you kind of suck at being subtle.”
“Ha! Your mother tells me the same thing.”
“Is she wrong?”
“Sweetie I have to let her be right if I want to stay married to her.”
“Women, right?”
“Somehow they are the most amazing and most frustrating creatures to walk the planet.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“Although women are kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
That was some weird phrasing. I cocked an eyebrow.
“Are you trying to set me up? Look I know the girl across the street is gay but she’s really not my type.” A girl next door situation and I’m not attracted to her at all. Fate really is a cruel mistress.
“No no, I got in enough trouble with your mother the first time I brought that up.” Dad chuckled to himself. “But, there was a call earlier this week.”
“From who?”
I didn’t have to ask. I already knew who.
“Your principal. Something about a…sex rehab program? Didn’t know high schools would have one of them. Wonder where they even get the funding for it.”
“I don’t think there is any. I wouldn’t exactly call it rehab, it’s more like a detention.”
“Well, ok. Either way, what you do during those sessions isn’t what I wanted to talk about. It’s how you ended up there.”
“Oh. That. There was a misunderstanding.”
Not exactly a lie; I ended up in the weekly sessions because Miss Lynn mistook my catfight for some kind of weird flirting.
Ok I guess there was that one time before where I threatened to bite Kelly’s bottom lip, but we were still fighting! I don’t know how anyone else could have seen it that way.
“Misunderstanding or not, your principal mentioned something worrying. Ari…is it true you were flirting with every girl you could find?”
I really wanted to lie to him. But when my father looks at me with those eyes, and takes on his ‘I’m not judging, just worried’ tone, it’s hard to be anything other than honest.
“Yeah. It is.”
“I see. And you did that because?”
“I overheard some people say to get over someone, you should get under someone.”
Dad just stared at me for a second. I fidgeted under his gaze.
“I don’t think that’s a healthy way of looking at things. Ari, I think you made a lot of those girls uncomfortable.”
“…I know. I just…”
I tried to find some kind of justification for my actions.
But nothing came to mind.
“I’m sorry, dad.”
“I’m not the one who’s owed an apology. I know things have been rough for you these past few months, but try to focus on things other than her.”
“That’s why I’m reading. Helps take my mind off things.”
Although in truth my mind kept wandering back to my argument with Kelly. Not that I was going to mention that.
“You know you can come to me right? Or your mum? We don’t like seeing you like this. You’re coming up to the end of the best days of your life, Ari. I’d hate to see you waste them.”
“I do know that, but my head’s just been a bit of a mess since it all happened.”
“Well that’s to be expected. I just don’t want you to do anything rash, ok?”
He swigged the last of his beer, finishing with a healthy burp.
“I’ll leave you in peace now.”
I dashed over to him as he got up, embracing him in a tight hug.
“Thanks, dad.”
“Anytime, kiddo.”
I began the week with the Ari Apology Tour. I found who I could, saying sorry over and over again for my actions. Some were receptive; others didn’t want to be near me. Not that I could blame them after how I acted. When they hadn’t reciprocated, I had tried to manipulate them with the ‘my ex was abusive’ card. Was I any better than Nicole?
No that's stupid, of course I'm better than her! I gotta stop comparing myself to her anytime I do something bad. What I did was shitty, but Nicole…she’s something else.
The most memorable reaction to my apologies came from Emily. After I’d apologized, she demanded to know if I thought I was too good for her now. Saying ‘no’ was apparently the wrong answer, as afterwards she interrogated me for a good forty-five minutes about why I suddenly wasn't interested.
Telling her I was never interested in the first place was definitely the wrong answer.
A miracle I didn’t get stabbed, but my outings with the girl scouts had helped me to be nimble.
Why did I even flirt with Emily again? Oh right, because I’m hot for crazy bitches. If I ever met God, I’d demand to know why He wired me this way. There are probably more pressing questions to ask Him, but can’t blame a girl for being curious.
Unfortunately the Ari Apology Tour did not win over Miss Lynn. She somehow saw this as further proof I was still flirting with everybody. And it actually was the opposite this time! Not that it mattered, as I still had to go to my weekly rehab.
The tour had apparently won brownie points with Kelly, though. We’d bumped into each other as we were both on the way to our rehab (still not sure how exactly we were being rehabilitated though?).
“That was really mature of you, Ari.”
“Um, thank you?” I couldn’t tell if she was messing with me, but she seemed to be her usual cheery self.
“Do you think Miss Lynn would let me off rehab early if I went around telling everyone about the good word of Jesus?”
I laughed. She cannot be serious.
Oh, she’s glaring at me. She’s serious all right.
“Sorry sorry I thought you were joking!”
“I’m always serious about Jesus.”
“Well to give you a serious answer then: I doubt it. Miss Lynn seems even more convinced I’m some kind of lesbian whore now.”
“But this is different!” She pouted. Why did she have to look so cute when she did that? “Maybe if I converted her first, then she’d see the light!”
“I’m not sure if she’s the type to care about religion.”
“Well she should! Otherwise she’s going straight to Hell!”
The combination of Kelly’s airy voice and the casual threat of eternal damnation made me want to laugh again. It just sounded adorable when she said it. I suppressed the laughter this time. I think.
“Don’t you think that’s coming on a bit strong? I’ve had enough Jesus types tell me I’m going to Hell for my lifestyle, and it’s never won me over.”
“Yeah my pastor was ranting the other day about how the Bible says a man shouldn’t lay with another man. The whole community is taking bets on when he’s going to come out of the closet.”
“Pastor? Wait, you actually go to church?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I’m a Christian.”
“I just thought you were faking that!”
Kelly stopped and turned towards me.
“Excuse me?”
“Oh come on, slutty ho finding Jesus? Most of the people who ‘found’ Jesus usually do it to make themselves feel better.”
“Even if it did make me feel better, I’m not a slutty ho anymore!”
“So then why are you still being forced into the rehab?”
“I – because reasons!”
Kelly stomped off. I grabbed onto her arm and held her in place. My thoughts swam with the memory of the last argument, of us getting physical. It would be weird if I wanted that to happen again. Right?
“I want to hear these reasons.”
“Get off me.”
“Oh you’d love to get me off.”
“With those fingernails? When was the last time you cut?”
“This morning on my thigh.”
The anger on Kelly’s face changed to a different expression. Was it pity?
“You…cut yourself?”
Oh. No, it was just empathy. After you spent a month with a sociopath, it’s hard to remember how that feels.
“That’s not important.”
We stared at each other in awkward silence.
“Could you let go, please?”
I didn’t release her immediately. This wasn’t how I wanted it to end. Life had other plans – or rather, Miss Lynn did as she rounded the corner. Apparently she’d gone looking for us when we were running late.
We can add ‘admitting to self-harm during flirting fighting’ to my list of bad ideas.
If Kelly had her own list of bad ideas, she should definitely put ‘try to convert the principal’ on it. It was entertaining though.
“But you’re going to Hell if you don’t!”
“I’m pretty sure I’m going to Hell anyway with what I’ve done. Doesn’t the Bible forbid same-sex relationships?”
Wait, so Miss Lynn does swing that way?
“Well it says a man shouldn’t lay with another man. But nothing about women, so you’re good!”
Flawless logic. I could only wonder why a book written within a highly patriarchal society was ok with women getting it on.
“But surely it extends to lesbian relationships? Even if we took the Bible at face value, a lot of people still interpret it in their own way. I doubt homophobes are going to roll out the red carpets for gay women just because of a loophole.”
“We should take it at face value! At least, that’s what my pastor says! He always rants about gay men and never cares about gay women.”
Oh yeah, that pastor is in the closet for sure. I would know, having stayed in it for most of my life.
“Face value, huh? So you’re saying the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah were justified?”
“Well…no, we shouldn’t take it all literally.”
“But doesn’t this book highlight all the principles one should follow when engaging in this faith?”
“That’s true, but still!”
“By your own reasoning, I could choose to ignore the part that states I’ll go to Hell for being a non-believer.”
“That’s not how it works…” Kelly said weakly.
Even if I never did buy into Christianity, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor girl. She really thought she had a shot here.
“I suppose it would be fair to mention that the Bible was written thousands of years ago, and times have changed.” Miss Lynn seemed to be offering a branch for Kelly to take hold onto.
“Y-yeah exactly! That’s the beauty of the Bible, you can pick and choose the parts you like!”
Thank God that Kelly wasn’t a hateful person, because with rhetoric like that, she could have been part of any Christian hate group. I wonder if Westboro are taking in newcomers?
On second thought, let’s not think about Westboro.
“But then, why not make a new Bible for the modern age? Wouldn’t that make more sense: a document everyone can refer to without people wondering which parts still apply?”
“To make a new Bible…wouldn’t it be blasphemous to go against Jesus’s teachings?”
“Forgive me as I only have a passing knowledge of the Bible, but is there any part that forbids someone writing a new book? Moreover, the Bible was a series of writings scribed by those who followed Jesus, not Jesus himself.”
“I don’t know. I’d have to double check.”
“I’m more than happy to continue this discussion next week after you’ve confirmed it.”
“Sure…”
Kelly turned away, but then faced Miss Lynn again.
“You’re wrong about one thing though.”
“Oh? What might that be?”
“Women can sleep with other women. The Bible doesn’t forbid it.”
“Well I suppose technically it doesn’t.”
“It’s not a loophole.”
“I disagree, but you’re entitled to your own opinions.”
“It’s ok for women to sleep together.”
“Yes? I’m not disagreeing with you on that, Kelly.”
“The Bible doesn’t forbid it! It…it can’t…”
“Why are you getting so defensive about this?”
I knew why. Judging by the knowing look on Miss Lynn’s face, I reckon she realized it too.
“Why don’t you check the Bible first? We’ll just go round in circles like this,” Miss Lynn compromised.
Kelly muttered something under her breath, then walked back to her desk with a sullen expression. My heart ached when I saw it.
“We’re coming up to the end of the session anyway, so why don’t you girls leave early? I don’t think a few minutes is going to make any difference.”
I never knew Miss Lynn to be accommodating. Then again, it’s not everyday a girl in the class is holding back tears.
Kelly launched herself out the moment she heard that. I followed suit.
“Kelly, wait!”
“Fuck off, Ari!”
Kelly’s voice was devoid of the playful energy it usually exuded.
I knew better than to continue this fight.
Week three of sex rehab. I am still a horny lesbian.
Good job, sex rehab!
This week’s session had been uneventful. Kelly had quietly told Miss Lynn she didn't get round to checking the Bible. Miss Lynn had just quietly nodded before she went back to her own book.
Well, maybe saying it was uneventful was kind of a lie. Kelly passed a note into my hand as she sat down.
“Meet me after school,” the note said.
But meet her for what exactly? I shut down the lewd thoughts entering my brain; my life isn’t going to become a Redtube video no matter how much I wished for it.
Did she want to fight me? An ominous note and her telling me to fuck off last week – that’s the only thing that makes sense, right? She was silent throughout the session and refused to look at me. Whenever I turned to her, she just pouted and looked away.
It would be cute if she wasn’t planning to fuck me up.
I had been so obsessed with my fantasies that I hadn’t heard Miss Lynn the first time saying we could go. Kelly on the other hand had bolted.
The rest of the day was unimportant. Slow, even. Though I suppose a looming dread would make any day feel slow.
Eventually the end of the school day rolled around. I steeled myself for the beating Kelly was about to give me, hoping she wouldn’t mess me up too badly.
I also hoped I wouldn’t ask her for more.
That won’t happen so long as I keep my mouth shut. Opening it about my self-harm habits was what ruined our perfectly good fight the last time.
Huh. I’d been in fights with Kelly before, so why was this the one I was actually scared about? Was it because she looked serious for once?
Also, where the hell was I supposed to meet her? Her note hadn’t left a location. I waited at my locker, hoping she might come by. I looked super awkward as everyone filed out.
Eventually, she appeared.
“There you are! Why didn’t you come to the rooftop?”
“Because you didn’t tell me to?”
“Pretty sure I wrote it on the note!”
I’d kept the note on me just in case I needed it for…whatever reason. Well, turns out I had one!
Kelly scanned it over as I showed it to her. She looked…sheepish?
“Oh, oops,” she nervously scratched the back of her head. “Well, anyway, let’s go up there!”
“Sure,” I slowly replied.
The bimbo led the way and I followed suit. I felt like a French noble during the revolution heading towards the guillotine. I couldn’t tell if I imagined it, but Kelly seemed to give off a different vibe to earlier. I want to say she seemed nervous?
Kelly stood near the edge of the rooftop, overlooking the campus. I was more trying to find some solid ground rather than the piles of cigarettes that littered the place.
“…Did you have a good day?” Kelly asked.
What the fuck kind of psychological torture was this? Was she trying to make me let my guard down first?
“It was alright, I guess,” I replied as neutrally as I could.
“Are you not going to ask me how mine was?”
She has to be joking.
“No? Can we just get this over with?”
“Oh, did you not want to talk? I thought you would as you waited…”
“Why would I…I thought we were going to fight?”
“No. When did I say that?”
It was only now just dawning on me that I’d been running on the assumption I was going to get into a brawl with Kelly.
I really hated the part of me that felt disappointed that I wasn’t.
“I’d just assumed after the other day, and with the note, you wanted to fight.”
I rubbed my arm and looked away as I said it. The ‘classic Ari pose’, as dad always put it.
“The opposite, really. I just wanted to say sorry.”
“For telling me I’d go to Hell if I didn’t follow Jesus?”
“No. Though I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”
“So what then?”
“I’m sorry that I snapped at you last week when I stormed off. I know you just wanted to help me.”
Ah. That.
“It’s fine.”
“Is it?”
“Well we barely know each other. I didn’t think you’d want to pour your heart out to me.”
“That’s true…” Kelly looked kind of sad at that statement.
“But you know, it’s ok to be…gay, bisexual, whatever you are.”
“It’s not just that.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve kissed a girl before. Thought about doing more than kissing with them. It never felt weird to me. It felt the same to me as when I thought about guys.”
“So what changed?”
“That whole conversation with Miss Lynn. I thought there’s no way my Bible was telling me I was a sinner.”
Doesn’t the Bible also forbid being promiscuous and having sex outside of marriage? This wasn’t the time for that comment, though. Kelly continued.
“I asked my pastor about it. I was so convinced I was right. But he said that ‘man’ in the Bible meant all humans. He said…you know…”
“He said relationships between women weren’t allowed,” I finished for her. And told her straight to her face that she was a sinner.
“I just don’t know if I can continue being this…”
“What, bisexual?”
“Well yeah.”
Oh, I thought she was doubting her faith rather than her sexuality. Still struggling with the fact that she’s a legitimate Christian.
Time to get serious.
“Look Kelly, I spent most of my life wishing I was somebody else. Wondering what was wrong with me. All my friends in middle school went on about all of their male celebrity crushes, and I couldn’t relate no matter how much I tried. When I came to high school, I’d figured it out. But I thought everyone would hate me for it. I hid myself in the closet just so I wouldn’t get hurt.”
“But you’re fine? Everybody has been supportive.”
“Sure I know that now. I didn’t at the time. But all I achieved by staying closeted was hating myself even more. I was miserable for the longest time.”
“How did you find the courage to come out?”
“I didn’t. Somebody else outed me.”
Kelly went to ask something, but then stopped herself. Probably to ask who outed me. She must have realized who.
“So, I should come out properly?”
“If you want. It’s your choice.”
“But if I did, I can’t be Christian?”
“I’m pretty sure you can."
“But my pastor said-"
“Fuck what your pastor said! You said yourself he’s probably in the closet. I bet he uses the confessional booth to get off with other men.”
“I’ve been in those confessionals…”
Huh, what did Kelly feel guilty enough over to confess? The cousin thing? Well, not like it was my concern.
“What I’m trying to say is that you’re going to be miserable if you hide who you are. Any part of who you are. You want to become a born-again Christian who has a wife? Then I’d say more power to you.”
“Well, I’d only have a wife if she was rich.”
“You mentioned before that you’d never cuff a broke bitch.”
“Oh I did say that, didn’t I?”
“So you’d seriously only date a woman if she had money?”
“Well yeah. How else would she pamper me?”
“And if it were a guy? Would he have to be rich?”
“Nah, it’s easier to get alimony from a guy, seeing as I can marry them and all.”
“Right. So you either screw a guy over for cash, or find a girl who already has it?”
“Well if a guy already has it then that’s a win-win. No need for a divorce then.”
“So all these theoretical partners are just tools?”
“I could learn to love them!”
“Jesus that is shallow.”
“Ari! What have I said about taking the Lord’s name in vain!?”
“I thought that was God, not Jesus!”
“Yes! No! There’s a Holy Trinity, it’s like a whole thing!”
“So there’s three things I can’t take in vain?”
“Well, my pastor said they’re both three and one…”
“That makes no sense.”
“Of course it doesn’t make sense to you! You’re not a believer!”
“What the fuck happened to apologizing for all your Jesus bullshit?”
“You called me shallow, that’s what happened!”
“Well you are!”
“I just know what I want from life!”
“Right, because wanting to live off someone else’s hard earned money is such a noble goal in life.”
“I never said it was noble!”
“So you’re admitting it’s wrong?”
“No!”
“That’s sure what it sounded like.”
“I can’t believe I bothered apologizing to you!”
“I can’t believe you forgot to put a location on your note. Seriously, who does that?”
“It was one mistake!”
“Is that what you told your parents when you came home with Jeffery?”
“I’d never sleep with Jeffery!”
“Oh, so now he’s too good for you?”
“I’m too good for him!”
“Shallow and egotistical. Yeah those are attractive traits.”
“Unlike you, I actually am attractive!”
“Yet I’ve been attracting so much of your time recently.”
“Just for once, shut the fuck up Ari!”
“Fucking make me you coward!”
Kelly had an absolutely feral look in her eyes. Oh fuck I actually am about to get the everloving shit beaten out of me.
She grabbed both of my arms and held them up. I tried to move back, to move away and – oh, there’s the wall, cool, no getting away from this. What Kelly did next paralysed me.
Her lips. On mine. Her tongue. On mine.
I wish I could say I had any coherent thoughts in this moment. You know when people sometimes smash random buttons on their keyboard to convey excitement?
Hsdkhgfhdgfdhg
Yeah, my mind was like that.
Kelly pulled away after what felt like both too short and too little a time.
“You said earlier we barely knew each other.”
I’d like to think we knew each other a bit better now. Mostly how our tongues tasted.
“What about it?”
“Why don’t we swap numbers? We wouldn’t have to wait until the rehab program to talk.”
I smiled, soaking in the rays of the afternoon sun that adorned the beautiful blonde in front of me.
“Yeah. That would be nice.”