Chapter Text
It's Monday morning and you wake to the tinny beep of your alarm. You spend a couple of blissful seconds in a soup of drowsy ignorance before awareness of your surroundings creeps in. You feel a fizziness inside, a bubbly cocktail of anxiety and excitement. Anxiement? Today is the day you start your new job in Staten Island. The vicissitudes of life had led you to move to Staten Island out of necessity but fortunately, finding work there wasn't something you had to worry about. A simple transfer facilitated by the company you work for and you'd been spared the desperate search for work that could've made your relocation a much more complicated affair. The only thing you had to worry about now was fitting into the new team. You pad barefoot to the kitchen in your new apartment. Cramped, chilly, but it has potential. You boil the kettle and choose decaf from the few jars you'd managed to unpack yesterday. You're already buzzing with anticipation and decide that your usual cup of 'jumpleads for one' this morning isn't such a good idea.
Warmed from the inside with the hot coffee and buttered toast, you feel ready to bare your skin to the world. Well, to the frigid air of your bathroom. After showering, you exit the bathroom wrapped only in the the zingy citrus scent of your shower gel. You prepared your outfit the previous night and are only now feeling a dash of apprehension about wearing it. A pant suit in bubblegum pink which you customised with lilac embroidered hearts, a lime coloured shirt and lime green converse hightops. Your family and friends back home in the UK and your co-workers at the last office were used to your appearance, but you really hope it doesn't cause too much of a stir in Staten Island. You'd never been keen on the attention your clothes would bring but rather simply found joy in wearing them. They were just the norm for you. In fact, you feel so thoroughly unremarkable inside that it sometimes shocks you that people even notice you, and would often rather that they didn't. Despite your apprehension about wearing it, you know from experience that if you wear something more muted to try to blend in, you'll feel even more conspicuous. Like wearing a pair of shoes that is half a size too small. Not unbearable but with a constant uncomfortable feeling that something isn't quite right, and a suspicion that everyone around you must be able to sense it too. You absentmindedly go through the rest of your morning routine whilst wondering what Staten Island has in store for you, before dressing, grabbing your phone, bag and keys and making for the door.
The scene opens on a magnolia wonderland of cubicles, computers and filing cabinets. Colin Robinson, energy vampire, is talking to the camera about the rumour that a new member of staff is starting today. His beady eyes dart left and right, looking for the first sign of the new arrival so he can pounce.
"If you get 'em before this place grinds them down, you get so much fresh energy." A voiceover of Colin plays over a clip of him stalking the office floor in search of food, pausing at cubicles and looking at his languid co-workers with the disgruntled expression of a restaurant patron being presented with a platter of stale bread. "I've been at this office for, ah, two years now and to be frank, it's slim pickings around here. I, I thought it was about time to find a new hunting ground but I'll stick it out for a while. See what this new drone has to offer."
Back to Colin being interviewed in his cubicle and he is peering over the partition like a meerkat, scanning the office for the 'fresh meat'. He notices some of his co-workers looking towards the door and he follows their gaze to see you walking alongside Laura, the Manager, as she gives you the obligatory tour of the building. Water cooler, kitchen, restrooms, the usual.
Colin turns back to face the camera, an uncharacteristic flush of colour in his cheeks and wearing the smile of a predacious, if somewhat unremarkable, crocodile.
"Oh ho, this one's something different. It's about time! I've been here feeding on the dregs of a group of drudgery dulled clones for the last two years, and this man can't live on cubicle bred cattle alone. Looks like daddy's finally getting a new dish!" The camera mimics Colin's hungry gaze, following you as you walk through the taupe tableau.
He talks to the camera without taking his gimlet eyes off of you. "This, this is going to be a cinch. Do they look like someone who has a penchant for conversing about the the design elements of telephone kiosks of the midwest? Or who wants to be educated on the importance of proper keyboard ergonomics and switch lubrication in the office environment? Well, do they? Haheh III think not."
"Tooooo baaad for them," he adds sotto voce, as he stands transfixed. He finally turns back to the camera with a giddy grin after seeing you being guided into the coffee room. "I'm excited!"
You stand by the water cooler and fill a disposable plastic cup, wishing you'd remembered to pack your bottle the night before. You sip the icy water and try to settle your nerves as you spot a couple of your new co-workers approaching with welcoming smiles. They greet you warmly with handshakes and introductions. Dominic and Dan, Dominic and Dan, Dominic and Dan, you repeat internally, trying to get the names to stick in the hope that you can avoid your usual routine of repeatedly having to ask and immediately forgetting again. You all settle into easy small talk for a few minutes before Dan finishes off his mug of coffee and leans in conspiratorially.
"Don't look now but here comes the office fun-sponge."
You glance over surreptitiously to where he is looking and see what looks to be a thoroughly average looking man in his mid to late 40s. He is white, slightly shorter than average height and is of average build with a paunch. He wears a nondescript shirt and tie, over which he is wearing an ochre cardigan, buttoned to just below his chest. He has lost most of his hair but some remains at the sides and back of his head, typical of male pattern baldness. The hair that he does have is kept short and neat, and he wears glasses.
Dominic groans, "Colin Robinson. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep away."
"Yeah. A new naive victim for him to latch on to. Save yourself before it's too late."
"God knows why that documentary crew are with him day in day out. Who on earth is going to enjoy watching that guy?"
"Maybe it's one of those Jonathan Frakes Beyond Belief type shows. The unexplainable phenomenon of the man that can suck every drop of life out of a room within a second of entering it." They both laugh.
"Seriously though, good luck with that one," concludes Dan, nodding his head in Colin's direction before both he and Dominic walk away sniggering.
You look over to Colin and make eye contact with him. He keeps walking, giving you a smile and a weak wave, which you reciprocate. You notice he has an unusual gait, barely moving his arms as he walks, keeping them by his side with each step. A camera is following him and he appears to be talking to the crew as he approaches.
The camera is on Colin as he walks purposefully towards you. You cringe internally, hoping that neither he nor the camera picked up what your colleagues were saying about him. You try not to judge but their comments struck you as a little cruel. To your relief he seems blissfully unaware of the link between his arrival and the mass exodus and he introduces himself in a listless, nasal voice with a Wisconsin accent whilst extending a limp hand at an awkward angle for you to shake, which you do.
"Let me be the ad hoc welcoming committee. I'm Colin Robinson. You've probably heard about me from the others," and he nods his head towards the two co-workers who just left. He doesn't wait for you to respond and forges on. "Since we're on friendly terms, let me give you a little advice. This water fountain, I have reason to believe, is not filtered."
He glances at your cup of water apprehensively before looking back up at you, waiting for your reaction to this bombshell. He fidgets his hands in front of his cardigan buttons, giving him the look of a man with serious concerns over the hygiene of communal potable water. Unbeknownst to you, his concern is merely a ruse. A way to test the water, so to speak.
"Oh, uh, thanks for that." You look at Colin and he continues looking at you with an intensity that seems out of place in the banality of his surroundings but you find yourself enjoying his attention. This is the first truly interesting interaction you've had all morning. Today has been a series of almost identical conversations that you've had ad nauseam in a string of almost identical offices. At least this was something different. "Sounds like you're a man that really knows what's going on around here", you reply, smiling conspiratorially. "I'll make sure to bring my own water tomorrow. Any other inside info you wouldn't mind sharing with a newbie?"
"Well, ah, talking of workplace hazards, I hope you've brought some lower back support for your, ah, chair over there. I've advised everyone in this office about how they're playing fast and loose with their lumbar spines sitting on those things but ah, theeey just can't see the uh, effectively priceless value of investing in ergonomic posture correcting devices."
You look at him intently as he talks to you, taking in the peculiarities of his face. On his small, average looking nose is balanced a pair of square framed glasses, behind which are a pair of narrow but piercing grey eyes. His top front two teeth extend past the rest slightly more than is usual, giving him a mildly chipmunkish look. His mouth naturally turns down at the corners, the left side more than the right. In fact, his whole mouth seems a little off-kilter, like it's been rotated clockwise by a few degrees. The combination of these characteristics gives him a distinctive and lopsided smile which you find incredibly attractive. His eyes seem to search you as he talks, making you feel a little uncomfortable, but no more than you're used to when talking to new people.
"So, ah, have you left your lunch in the the break room refrigerator?"
You respond in the affirmative, eager to see where this new tangent is going.
"Aaha, big mistake!" He gesticulates almost effeminately with a wag of his right index finger. "Between you and me, its a breeding ground for Listeria monocytogenes. People think the ah frigid air, heheh, is enough to keep their food safe but those little devils thrive in it." He smiles whilst shaking his head, as if the foolishness of habitual fridge users amuses him.
You offer a small giggle at his attempt at humour.
"If I were you, III'd skip lunch today, or at least get something from the vending machine on floor three. Although the prices on that thing are, frankly, extortionate."
You enjoy the gentle sing-song nature of his voice as it travels up and down the register through each protracted sentence. Not to mention that accent. You give him a shy smile as you try to keep a lid on your rapidly growing attraction to him.
"I will definitely bear that in mind, thanks. Well, I better get to work now I suppose. Don't want to make a bad impression on my first day. Hope we get chance to chat later!" you chirp before walking back to your cubicle with your unfiltered water.
Colin looks at the camera, obviously confused and a little angry. "What the hell was that? I didn't get anything from them. I was sure this was going to be like taking candy from a baby." His forehead crinkles with incredulity as he watches you walk away, leaving him hungry.