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Alex fears he may be addicted to the feeling of Henry’s body beneath his, warm and firm, soft under his trailing hands. He fears that he may be unable to breathe without Henry’s hot breaths panting into his mouth, spurring him on.
“Alex.” The way he says his name, no louder than a breathy moan, fingers digging into his forearms, nails dragging across the skin is better than any drug could ever be.
“I got you, baby.” He says, voice low and nose tracing his jaw, nuzzling the patch of skin just beneath it, “I’ll give you what you need.”
Henry smells like sweat and sex and warmth and -
“Please.”
He knows Henry could ask him for anything in this moment - or any moment really - and he would give it to him without so much as taking a breath. His teeth latch onto Henry’s earlobe, pulling it between his lips and feeling the shudder run through the other man’s body.
“What do you want?” He knows exactly what he wants, but he needs to hear him say it.
Sometimes Henry makes him work for it, getting him deeper under his skin before he starts babbling, begging for what he wants. Today isn’t one of those days.
“Fuck me.” He whines, hands flying up and digging into his shoulder blades, pulling him closer, “Please fuck me.”
He would let the world fucking burn if it meant that Henry would keep speaking to him like this, begging for his cock.
“As you wish.” He murmurs, letting his lobe go with a wicked grin before planting his hands on either side of Henry’s head, finally taking a second to just look at him.
Henry’s hair is splayed out against the pillow, a golden halo around his head that contrasts the darkening red of his cheeks, lush lips spread into an ‘o’ shape as he stares up at Alex with wide, unfocused eyes. His hands are still on Alex’s upper back, one of his fingers tracing the stray hairs at the base of his neck.
“What?” Henry asks, lips falling into a smile.
Alex shakes his head, leaning down to capture those lips with his own. It never gets old, having Henry this way, no matter how many times they do it. He presses in deeper, letting his tongue sweep past the seam of his lips and delve into Henry’s mouth. One of Henry’s legs rises up wrapping around his hips and pulling him down, grinding them together. He moans brokenly into Henry’s mouth, grinding down again to feel the way he whines.
“I love - this.” He breathes, catching himself at the last second before he does something really fucking stupid.
Like telling the truth.
“Get in me.” Henry swats at his shoulder, head tilted back, exposing his long pale throat that Alex can’t resist biting down on, right below his Adam’s apple.
Alex lifts one of his hands and reaches for the bottle of lube they had thrown on the pillowcase, coating his fingers and reaching down, only for his wrist to be snatched by Henry, stalling him in his drinks.
“I’m still stretched from earlier.” Henry squeezes his wrist, eyes pleading, “Please.”
Their eyes meet and he looks for any signs of hesitancy, but finds none. It can’t have been more than an hour since he last slid inside him, but he’s a worrier, he doesn’t want to hurt him. All he sees is Henry’s blue eyes darkening, narrowing as he moves his head to gesture that Alex gets on with it.
“Okay.” He breathes, using the lube on his hands to slick himself up, the contact alone making him twitch.
He knows he’s not going to last long, so he presses in slowly, groaning deep in his chest at the feeling of Henry tightening around him. His arms tremble at the restraint he feels, holding himself back from just letting go, taking Henry like a fucking wild animal.
Henry whines deep in his throat, hips thrusting up until it pushes Alex in the remainder of the way, taking him entirely.
“Yes,” He breathes, pulling Alex down for another kiss, moaning into his mouth and digging his nails into his shoulder blades, “Fuck me.”
Alex can do nothing but oblige, thrusting his hips down and setting a hard pace, Henry’s grunts and whines spurring him on as he turns his head, pressing a kiss to Alex’s forearm, the only part of him he can reach. Words are no longer necessary as Alex pounds into his tight heat, sparks licking up his spine and that familiar coil in his gut growing sharper, ready to go. But he loves hearing Henry babble, beg for his cock like he’ll die without it.
“You like this, baby?” He pants, “You want it deep?”
“Deeper. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”
He wouldn’t fucking dream of it.
“God, baby. Feels so fucking tight.” His throat is burning as he grits the words out, “How are you still so tight?”
Henry’s only response is a series of grunts that are rising in volume, growing sharper as Alex thrusts harder, the headboard smacking off the wall in his haste.
“Gonna make me come, clenching around me like a fucking vice.” His hips stutter as his words make Henry clench tighter, drawing him in deeper, “Clenching around me like a slut.”
“Yes.” Henry’s eyes are screwed shut, “I am. Tell me. Tell me.”
“Such a fucking slut for it baby, not even letting me take my cock out an inch. Won’t let me go. Fucking hungry for it.”
“I…am.” He pants, “Slut for you.”
Alex’s heart is pounding in his chest and he can’t bring himself to think more about it now. He just keeps moving, pounding into Henry and digging his fingers into the sheets by his head, propelling his hips downward and grunting with exertion as Henry meets him thrust for thrust, chasing his high.
“So good, Alex.” Henry says breathlessly, a slight laugh in his tone, like he can’t believe it, “You’re so fucking good.”
And, like it always does, that does it.
In the afterglow, they lie side by side, chests heaving as they attempt to catch their breath, skin slick with sweat. He resists the urge to turn, stare deep into Henry’s eyes and kiss him. They never kiss unless it’s in the heat of the moment, or a precursor for more.
It’s the rules they set on that very first day they had met, drunk on tequila and frantically shoving each other into the bathroom stall. As soon as Henry had wiped the back of his mouth, Alex had asked for his number. Henry had given it, but with strict conditions as he was not the relationship type.
No kissing except during sex
No staying over
No romance
Alex highly resents himself from a year ago for agreeing to these terms but in his mind it was the only way to get the blonde from the bar back on his knees again.
The worst part of it seems to be that they have become genuine friends and friends with each other’s friends. Movie nights with Nora and June, brunch with Pez.
Alex hates every moment of them where he can only watch Henry from afar, sitting on a chair separate from his own and unable to reach out and just hold him.
He wants more, he needs more, but he’s terrified that he’ll say the wrong thing and Henry will go running. It’s not worth losing the scraps he gets, they mean everything.
Henry means everything.
“I have to go.” Henry stretches his arms above his head, giving Alex a small smile, “I have to get up early. I shouldn’t have even stopped by.”
“But you did.” Alex says, his voice smaller than he would like.
The needy urge to reach out, grab Henry by the forearm and drag him back to bed is fought down with force. He never feels as vulnerable as he does in the moments when Henry redresses, leaving him behind in bed without so much as a kiss goodbye.
“Yes.” Henry pats his shoulder before standing, “Couldn’t resist.”
The smile returns to Alex’s face, though it falters as Henry makes quick work of putting his clothes back on, buttoning up his shoulder without even looking at him.
Please stay, he wishes he could say, I love you.
He’s insanely fucked - and not in the good way.
–
“So,” Pez says, eyebrows raised over his mug as he stares Alex down, “we need to talk.”
Since he had last seen Pez - two weeks ago - his hair has changed from a deep lavender to a neon pink, drawing the attention of every person that passes their table. It was likely intentional.
“Is that why you invited me for coffee? I thought it was a friendship outing, I’m hurt.” He slaps a palm to his chest, smirking to hide the fear running through him.
He knows damn well why Pez asked him to go for coffee, and he is terrified of what that means. Pez is an enigma, bright and bubbly in one instant, dark and intimidating in the next, the latter only makes an appearance in relation to Henry.
Pez’s eyes narrow, “Cut the shit, babes.”
Looks like it’s the latter.
Alex sighs, taking a long sip of his coffee, allowing it to warm him before Pez inevitably chills him from head to toe, “Alright. What is it?”
“You and Henry.”
“We are people that exist, yes.”
Pez makes an exasperated sound deep in his throat, biting down on his fist before knocking it off the table. He closes his eyes for a moment and Alex fights to bite back the smile threatening to appear. It’s far too easy to rile Pez up, and it’s always such a sight to behold when he manages it.
“Alexander. You two have been pussyfooting around each other for a year now.”
“We’re just casual, Pez.” The words feel dry as they leave his mouth, the hollow ache in his chest that is more common these days reappearing, “Friends with benefits, remember?”
“As much as I try to forget.” Pez sighs, tapping his fingers against the table, “And that’s what you want?”
He’s treading on dangerous ground here, he knows. As close as he and Pez may be, his loyalties lie with Henry which means nothing Alex says here is sacred.
“It’s what we are.” He says, unable to lie, “He’s made it very clear.”
“And what do you want?”
“I…” He pinches the bridge of his nose, “I like how we are.” He says lamely, once again not a lie, just an omission of the fact that he wants more.
“Right.” Pez says dryly, “So you wouldn’t mind if he say…went on a date?”
Alex hasn’t slept with someone that isn’t Henry in almost fourteen months, and he hasn’t been on a date in nearly twice as long.
“That’s his business.” He croaks, though the idea of Henry going on a date with someone that isn’t him has his fists clenching from where they’re placed on his knees.
“Mhm.” Pez says, something dancing in his eyes that screams danger to Alex’s senses, “Did you happen to speak to Nora this morning?”
He doesn’t mention Henry again. Neither does Alex. But his fists don’t unclench for the remainder of the morning.
He manages to pretend he hasn’t been thinking of his conversation with Pez every waking minute of every day until he texts Henry the next afternoon, having not heard from him the entire day, which is unusual in itself.
Alex
You free tonight?
Hen
No, sorry. Meant to text. I have a date tonight.
Alex’s blood runs cold as he stares down at the phone, words blurring in front of him. He honestly thought Pez was fucking with him, not being serious.
Alex
oh cool. have fun
Hen
Thank you, Alex. I’ll see you tomorrow?
Alex can’t bring himself to respond, staring down at the phone as the screen fades to black, showing his own sad reflection staring back at him.
It’s his own fault really, for being a fucking coward. Clearly Henry isn’t as averse to commitment as Alex had been led to believe, if he’s happily going out on a date with some random guy. He just doesn’t want Alex that way. Which doesn’t hurt him. Not at all. Why would he be upset that the man he’s in love with sees no issue in going on a date with someone else?
He’s totally fucking cool about it.
He is so fucking cool, in fact, that he unlocks his phone and sends a text before he can change his mind.
Alex
where is the date?
Pezza
Thought you’d see it my way, babes. Chimes at 8.
Alex
i’ll be there
–
He’s leaning against the bar, whiskey in hand and eyes trailing across the room as he absolutely isn’t looking for Henry. He just so happens to find him, in a booth with an average looking guy who looks like his name would be fucking Brad. Brad is leaning into Henry’s space, stupid fucking smirk on his tiny fucking lips as he stares directly at him.
To Alex’s absolute horror, Henry isn’t pulling back, and he’s fucking laughing. He can’t hear it but he feels as though he can, the laugh that always warms him from the heart out every time it’s directed at him, at one of his jokes. Now the thought of it makes him run cold.
It’s when Henry smiles at Brad does Alex realise what a massive fucking idiot he’s being. Henry is happy, he’s with a guy that makes him smile and laugh in a way that Alex clearly fucking can’t. And he deserves that, even if the thought of it makes Alex’s insides fucking tear themselves open.
Alex
plans off, man. he looks really happy. can’t ruin that.
Alex
hey, i know you’re busy tonight but if you’re free tomorrow can we talk?
He’s going to have to end it; it’s the right thing to do.
Or so he fucking thinks until Henry glances down at his phone and his expression absolutely shatters. He can’t look away as Henry’s brow furrows, ignoring whatever Brad is saying to him until his head snaps up and his eyes meet Alex’s head on.
Shit.
He turns back to the bar as Henry says something to Brad and he tries to desperately flag down the bartender so he can pay his tab and fucking run and pray that Henry thinks he was just a really sexy apparition -
“Alex?”
He pauses, fists clenching on the bar top as he braces himself, unable to face Henry and whatever he’s about to throw at him.
“Alex?” The hand that lands on his shoulder makes him jump, “Hello?”
He turns slowly, Henry’s hand sliding down to grip his forearm, eyes solid on his. He feels trapped under his sharp gaze, drowning in the ocean of his eyes and not sure how to breach the surface.
“Fancy meeting you here.” Henry says, but his voice falls flat, no humour in it, “You wanted to talk?”
“Oh, it can wait. You’re on a -” he waves his hand in fucking Brad’s general direction, “date.”
“I’d rather talk to you.”
As much as the words light Alex up from the inside out, he can’t let himself give in. It’s not what Henry deserves.
“I really would rather not have this talk right now.”
Henry’s head tilts to the side, something strange passing through his eyes, “This talk?”
The music continues to blare around them, strobe lights flickering over Henry’s face, shading it purple, then green, then blue. The pounding of the bass vibrates beneath Alex’s feet.
“Hen-”
“Why are you here?” Henry asks suddenly, his hand tightening ever so slightly from where it’s gripping Alex’s arm. It makes him shudder.
“I was in the neighbourhood and came for a drink.”
Henry’s smile isn’t amused, “Really? You just happened to end up in the bar I have my date in? When you’ve been weird via texts all day.”
Alex scoffs, “I haven’t been weird.” He has absolutely been weird.
“Just talk to me, Alex!”
“I was going to end things!” Alex snaps, watching as Henry’s face falls, “I saw you on your date and you looked happy and it just made me realise that you deserve that.”
“I deserve it?”
“You deserve to be with a guy who gives you what you want. I clearly can't…it just makes sense.”
“It makes sense.”
“Can you stop repeating what I say? It’s giving me hives.”
“You’re a bloody fool.”
“Well, that’s new.”
“Alex.”
“What, Hen?” He sighs, shaking Henry’s hand off of him, “You got what you wanted, clearly. Can you blame me for having a shred of self preservation?”
“And what is it that I so clearly want, Alexander?”
The full name sends a sensual shiver down his spine that he fights with all he’s worth. Henry’s eyes are blazing down at him, dark and fiery and it makes Alex’s hands twitch with the need to grab him by the collar and pull him in.
“Not fucking me anyway.” Alex laughs darkly, downing the rest of his whiskey in a single go.
He feels his heart shatter in his chest as Henry stares at him blankly, making no moves towards him. Having gotten his answer, he pats Henry’s shoulder, throws a few bills on the bar next to his glass and goes to push himself off and leave before he does something fucking humiliating like cry or throw himself at Henry’s feet.
“How dare you?” Henry’s words make Alex pause, whirling around to face him.
“How dare me?”
“How dare you put words in my mouth?” Henry is seething, his voice darker than Alex has ever heard and he isn’t ashamed to admit that it’s turning him on a little, “How dare you assume when you haven’t so much as fucking asked me?”
It is very fucking rare that Henry gets worked up enough to swear - and it’s usually during sex - so Alex can’t be blamed for the flush that rises in his cheeks, both from anger and something much deeper.
“You’re on a fucking date!”
“Because you told Pez you didn’t want to date me!” Henry snaps, throwing his hands up exasperatedly, “I was fucking sad so he set me up.”
Alex’s eyes are wide, practically bugging out of his head as he looks at Henry, really looks at him and sees a man that may just be feeling the same as him.
“You…you what?”
“Don’t make me say it, Alex.” Henry whispers, shoulders dropping, “Aren’t I humiliated enough?”
“I only told Pez to set you up because I thought you didn’t want to date me.” Alex says quietly, but he knows Henry is hanging on his every word, “It’s been a year and you haven’t wavered from your I don’t date and I felt like a fucking idiot. I’m sorry.”
“Alex…”
He’s come this far, might as well go for the whole cow if he’s going to make a fucking show of himself in the middle of a bar.
“I love you!” He says, loud enough that the person to his left turns around, “I’ve been in love with you basically since we met and it’s been fucking torture knowing you don’t feel the same!”
“Stop,” Henry grits out, brow furrowed in the way where Alex wants to smooth it out with his thumbs, “putting words in my fucking mouth.”
Alex watches, stunned, as Henry lunges forward, grabbing his cheeks and pulling him in for a harsh kiss, pressing him against the bar. He hears wolf whistles and cheers but all he can focus on are Henry’s lips, soft against his own and his thumbs stroking the apples of his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer and he wants to fucking drown in the sensation.
When Henry pulls back, Alex is not proud of the whimper he lets out, leaning forward to chase his lips.
“You really are daft, love.” Henry brushes a stray curl out of his face.
“You made it very clear that you don’t do relationships.” Alex argues, breathless.
“A year ago, you fool. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to ask you out for months.”
“Go for it.” He can’t fight the grin spreading across his lips, “I’m all ears.”
“Alex-”
He pouts, “Please? It would make me feel a lot better. I have been spiralling since yesterday.”
Henry sighs, but the twitch in his jaw gives away the fact that he’s trying not to smile, “Alex. I am so in love with you. Be my boyfriend?”
“Eh…I’m not sure. Can I have some time to think-” He giggles like a schoolgirl into the kiss Henry pulls him into until he pauses, tilting his head back, “Wait…where’s Brad?”
“Who on earth is Brad?”
“Your date!”
Henry tilts his head, frowning at him like he’s grown two heads, “His name is James and I told him it wasn’t going to work out.”
“Oh!” Alex beams, grabbing Henry by the collar and pulling him back in, “Continue.”
“We are in a bar where many people are watching us.”
A quick survey shows that at least thirty heads are pointed in their direction, and at least three phones.
“Wanna fuck me in the bathroom like old times?” Alex teases, tracing Henry’s exposed collarbone with his finger.
“Tempting but…I want you in my bed. Come home with me?”
“Oh baby,” He smiles at the blush that spreads across Henry’s cheeks, “Take me home.”
–
He’s crying, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as Henry scissors his fingers just so inside of him and rubbing against his prostate.
“Baby-” He whines, cutting himself off with a high-pitched moan as Henry curls his fingers, “Please.”
“I love hearing you beg for me.” Henry says, smiling toothily down at him and Alex is torn between kissing him and strangling him.
“Are you going to fuck me or wax poetics with your fucking fingers inside me?”
“Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Alex laughs, warming from the inside out as he grabs Henry by the back of the neck and yanks him down, unable to resist kissing those stupid perfect lips.
He breaks the kiss with a gasp as Henry presses his fingers in harder, taunting him, before pulling out entirely, making his legs clench together, his hole empty and clenching around nothing. His eyes slide close and he hums, sinking into Henry’s ridiculously soft sheets as he hears the familiar snick of the lube opening.
“Condom?” Henry’s breath is hot in his ear.
Alex shakes his head frantically, to which he’s rewarded with a warm chuckle that vibrates around his skull. Blue meets brown and Alex can’t fight the shit eating grin that spreads across his lips.
“I love you.” He says, because he finally can and the look that crosses Henry’s face makes him melt like the sap that he is.
“I love you.”
He moans brokenly as Henry finally presses the tip of his cock in, inch by glorious inch as Alex’s hands scrabble in the sheets, clenching a handful and yanking.
“That’s it, love,” Henry’s voice is low, murmuring into the space between them and Alex knows exactly where this is going, “you take me so well. You always do.”
“Henry.”
“It’s like you were made for me, the way you clench around my cock like you need it.”
“I fucking do. Please fuck me, Hen.”
“I love hearing you beg for me, my cock. All mine, aren’t you sweetheart?”
“I’ve-” He laughs breathlessly, “I’ve been yours since the day we fucking met.”
“Mm, you sucked my cock like a pro.”
“I thought I was the one with the filthy fucking mouth.” He moans on a particularly deep thrust, practically feeling it in his gut.
“You bring it out in me.” Henry hikes one of Alex’s legs around his hip and leans in so they’re almost chest to chest, thrusting in and hitting his prostate dead on, making him squeal, “That’s it. You think you could come just from this?”
“You know I can.” He has many times.
The heat in his gut is spreading down his thighs, through his muscles and back up again. He wants to come so fucking badly but he can’t, not until -
“Are you gonna come for me, love? Make a mess of your chest like a good boy?”
Alex groans, so close to the edge, he just needs-
“My good boy.” Henry groans, spilling deep inside him, warming him from the inside out.
And he’s gone, toppling off the edge with a loan moan and a yank of the sheets that makes a loud tearing sound reverberate around the walls. Henry collapses on top of his chest, head tucked under his chin and Alex drops a sweaty kiss to the top of his head.
“Don’t pull out just yet.” Alex whines, tightening his leg around Henry’s hip.
“Yes, dear.” Henry mumbles, making Alex laugh.
“So…” Alex says, as casually as someone can to the man that is still inside him, his come leaking out of him, “We are definitely boyfriends now? Just to be sure.”
“Don’t ask silly questions.” Henry plants a sloppy kiss to the side of his neck, “But yes.”
“Hmm. Good. I should probably text Pez.”
“Do not mention Pez when I’m still inside of you.”
The laugh they share vibrates through Alex’s body, warming him down to his toes.
The people who know Alex best, know three undeniable facts about him.
One, if left unattended, he can go days on end without consuming anything other than coffee and granola bars - but Henry now makes sure he has a breakfast every morning.
Two, he has a secret Instagram where he documents the best - and usually worst - coffees in the city. Starbucks is currently at the bottom of the list, fuck Starbucks man. (Henry has now introduced him to his new favourite café, two blocks from the library)
Three, he is absolutely definitely in love with the guy he fucks on a near daily basis - who loves him back.