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“Jean-Luc Picard, how nice to see you again,” Q settles himself into Picard’s plush chair, smoothly stretching his legs onto the desk before him. “You look so happy to see me, I might get the impression you missed me,” he continues, lips curling into a smug smile.
Picard stares, unblinking, and steps into his ready room towards the uninvited visitor. “Q.” His eyes narrow and he clenches his jaw.
“Oh come now, Captain, you could at least pretend.”
Picard pauses, willing himself to calm down. “What do you want Q?”
“Maybe I just wished to visit an old friend. Must I always have a reason to come see you, mon capitaine?”
Picard scoffs incredulously.
Q sighs and looks away, picking up a PADD, eyes browsing over the text casually. “You wound me, Jean-Luc,” he comments dramatically. “My my, what is this? And here I was, thinking the famous Captain Kirk was a womanizer?” He gasps obviously, peeking up to see Picard’s reaction.
“Q…” Picard growls.
Snap!
Picard finds himself in his own chair, PADD in hand. Q stands where Picard was only a moment ago, and Picard takes a deep breath. He scans over the text on the screen, eyebrows furrowing as he reads more. “What am I looking at right now?”
Q chuckles and smirks. “You don’t like it? I thought I would have a bit of fun with my new invention. Aren’t I creative? I’ve always thought there was more going on between Kirk and his first officer than history claims.”
“This is… Q. Delete this immediately. This… this speculation is ridiculous. Are you seriously rewriting Starfleet history into silly little stories? This is mad.”
“Oh, Jean-Luc, please. You are simply impossible to impress. I thought you would appreciate all my hard work; after all, I wrote this as an homage to your favorite little Earth writer… Shakespeare was it? You have to know he wrote fiction about historical figures as well. That’s all I’m doing right?”
Picard closes his eyes and puts his head in his hand. Slowly, he replies, “I’m not sure I can honestly agree with your juvenile understanding of Shakespeare.”
“It’s not about agreeing, Captain. Really, I cannot believe you of all people don’t know what I’m talking about. Shakespeare’s writing is one of the earliest examples of “real person fiction”. I only improved upon his ideas. For entertainment's sake of course. I wrote about some of your most famous historical figures and,” Q shrugs casually. “Expanded upon their stories. Shakespeare even took stories written by other authors and borrowed their ideas, it’s called derivative work mon capitaine. Perhaps next I could base a story off of one of Data’s delightful Sherlock Holmes novels, hm?”
“Alright alright, I understand. I accept it.” Picard grits his teeth, sighing. “I see your point Q.”
Q leans in close, his face mere inches from Picard’s. “I’m impressed, Jean-Luc. That must have been a difficult admission for you. But of course, I’m not surprised. I am right after all. I’m a genius.”
“Fine.” Picard relents. “But you must stop writing your,” he pauses. “Fan-fiction into critical Starfleet historical documents.”
Q simply smiles, his eyes glinting as he looks at Picard’s serious expression. “As you wish. I’ll be taking my leave now, I’ve had my fun. See you soon Jean-Luc.”
And in a moment, Q disappears, leaving behind no evidence of his presence, except for a short paragraph left on the screen of the forgotten PADD.
Picard lets out a breath of relief, glad that Q left without a fuss. His eyes catch on the first line of the passage.
Ever heard of “slash”, Captain?