Chapter Text
Who the fuck is in my walls.
That just had to be the most prominent thought in August’s mind as soon as they got home from patrol at 3 a.m. This Tony Stark-sounding person was definitely in their house, and definitely not legally there.
“AVA, compress,” August ordered as they pulled off their mask. The full face hood became a basic face mask in seconds. They swapped their super suit for a comfortable pair of sweats and a loose-fitting shirt, pulling out their phone to make a post.
August then went to where they stored modified Nerf guns—for self-defense of course—and grabbed a simple single-bullet one. The bullet was custom-made, the tip made of paper-mâché and the rest of silicone. Basically just a stronger Nerf bullet. The gun was ready to shoot, to avoid alerting whoever its target was. They need to start making those things more convenient.
August crept toward the heartbeat of the person, only stopping to send a quick reply to a confused follower of theirs. August reached the door to the garage, and slowly opened it, shooting as soon as they caught sight of the creeper's crotch. As the last of their power wore off, they looked up to see the familiar face of Tony fucking Stark. They had shot him. In the balls.
August almost slammed the door, just barely stopping before it made any noise, and closed it as silently as possible. They put weight on the door with their right hand, placed down the gun, and pulled out their phone with the other to panic-tweet.
“AVA, what the fuck do I do now,” August whispered into their face mask. They were not expecting the actual Tony Stark to be in their garage, just some voice doppelgänger.
“First of all, calm down. Remember, you did not purposely shoot him, you were shooting an intruder. Explain the situation, and move on to why he's here,” the helpful AI replied. “And don't think about what you did. Think of good things related to the situation.”
“Thank you so much AVA.” With that, August opened the door again and immediately started apologizing.
“Oh my god I'm so sorry Mr. Stark I didn't know it was you I just heard movement and assumed the worst I’m so sorry,” August droned on with sorries and explanations quickly getting cut off by the man himself.
“Hey, hey. Chill out kid, I’m here for a reason. How did you make that hurt so much anyway? You used a nerf gun,” he questioned. August didn't know much about Tony Stark, other than the fact that he was a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and Iron Man, of course. August didn't find him particularly interesting, so they chose to not study up on him as much as the rest of the Avengers. From this statement alone, they could tell he was observant.
“Yeah, a nerf gun. Made the bullets myself with stronger materials, hope your dick won’t bruise if you still wanna fuck tonight, they said, leaning on the doorframe. You fucking idiot this impression is shit you just made it worse why couldn't you just shut up or launch into an overexcited explanation about how you made it for self-defense maybe you should've just stayed in your room this never would've happened but you wouldn't have met Tony Stark but this never happenede happene-
“August, you're overthinking things again. I can hear your pulse quickening. Do you want me to run through some calming exercises?” AVA piped up. As usual in the condensed form, her voice was low enough for August to hear, while not seeming robotic at all to an outside observer.
“No AVA, I'm fine,” they whispered just as low. “Why are you in my garage? Did ya think since last time the “break into their house through the garage and get (nearly) shot” approach worked it’d work this time too?” August quipped toward Tony, leaning on the doorframe.
“I- Moving on from that buttload of word vomit, how do you know about “last time?” Where did you learn about that?” Tony really liked questioning August instead of getting to the fucking point, it seemed.
“Can't hide most from me,” they tauntingly popped back. “Are you here to ask something of me or just be confused about my not-supposed-to-be existence?”
“Kid, what you're saying is like half of why I'm asking you stuff. I'm here to tell you that I know you're a vigilante.”
You could practically hear August’s mental record scratch and slice open the tension that followed with a thread. That was August’s best-hidden secret, so how did Tony Stark find it? Was it similar to how they found another heroes? They had removed all evidence of them being even related to Mimous, or so they thought. How good of a tech was he or did he have access to? How did he even know they existed? They were a barely known ghost story from California, and he was a vessel chock-full of publicity and admirable features. Why did he seek them out? Dear Zeus, August was confused.
“Wh-what? How do you- how do you even know about me? Why did-did you choose me? Why? How did you even know about-” August was stumbling over their own words for answers. They ran a hand through their hair. All their questions were flowing out at once, and they would bet good money not even half of them were comprehensible.
“I'm not going to bother answering all that. I have a pretty smart kid, great in the mechanical area. He traced erased code or something, and whoever deleted it was you, I’m guessing based on the reaction and the fact that no one normal would erase evidence of a hero’s identity,” Mr. Stark explained like it was obvious. His hands flailed the whole time. Smart kid? Does he mean that guy..?
“This is giving me mental whiplash. Did you travel across the country just to tell me this?” August was too confused for their liking. They rolled to have their back leaning on the doorframe
“Well, technically yes but technically no,” What does that even mean? “I'm in California for some business stuff, leaving tomorrow. Just figured I'd let you know.”
“Cool. So uh, what do we do now?” August shifted in their stance. “This is like the most awkward situation in my life. Should we like, stay in contact that's“Yeah, thats a good idea. I’ll give you my number, how about it?” Tony nonchalantly offered.
“Eb-Eyah-Uh-Yeah. We can- We can do that, one sec,” August pulled out their phone. They hopped on Twitter and typed something up, then went on the messages app and handed the phone to Tony. Tony typed in his number and sent a winky-face to himself, because of course he did, and passed the phone back to August.
“Wish I could’ve taken a pic of me to put in your contact, but it’s too dark for that. Too bad you have an iPhone instead of a StarkPhone, then I could’ve spoiled you with the pleasure of having my photo in your phone,” Tony gibed.
“Oh, what a sellout the 4th smartest man in the world is. advertising the camera to someone whose camera roll has like two pictures that I've taken,” August playfully snarked back with an eye roll. “I thought you knew me, Mr. Stark,” They put a hand over their heart and the other one on their forehead, feigning fainting.
“Hey, I said I knew your identity, not your personality,” Tony defended. “Well anyway, make sure to keep in touch so I know you’re not dead. I’ll be waiting!” And with that, he put on his suit and flew away.
…
“What the fu-”