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It was a normal day at Lumberjanes Camp. Well, as normal as any day ever was at Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet's Camp for Hardcore Lady Types. Then it began to snow.
“What the junk?!” exclaimed April, “Today is the summer solstice, right? Not the winter solstice.”
“Ugh, how is this happening again!” Mal lamented while shaking her fist at the sky. “How many times are we going to have to borrow sweaters? This is a SUMMER camp!”
“Let's just head back to camp for our winter gear and we'll figure out what's going on once we're warm,” Molly said while patting Mal on the shoulder. Mal’s posture softened in response. She stopped shouting at the sky and turned to flash a lopsided grin at Molly.
As April, Jo, Mal, Molly, and Ripley walked through the woods towards camp, the snow and wind became increasingly fierce. Soon they were wandering through blizzard-like conditions and the woods began to look unfamiliar.
“Are we lost?” worried April.
“This storm is serious business!” Jo said while narrowly avoiding a falling tree limb, “I wish we'd invited Jen along instead of just chasing after that jackalope by ourselves.”
“Sweet Isabella Eberhardt we're totally lost! We are going to freeze to death out here!” Mal said all in a rush.
“We'll be okay,” Jo assured her. “Worst case scenario we'll just have to build an igloo like Barney did the last time we were trapped in a freak summer snowstorm.”
“Does it even count as a freak event if it happens more than once?” asked Molly.
“Does anything even count as a freak event at this camp?” sighed Mal.
Before anyone had time to consider those questions Ripley shouted, “Look, a light! It must be Jen looking for us!!!” and bolted off into the woods with complete disregard for the buddy system.
“Ripley, wait!” they all shouted before running after her.
The rest of the gang caught up with Ripley just as she entered a clearing and found the source of light she had been chasing after, a young woman holding a lantern. At first glance she appeared to be wearing a Lumberjanes camp counselor uniform, but as they got closer they noticed that the insignia was different—instead of two crossed axes, her pin was some kind of stylized eagle in a circle.
“Ripley! Jo, April, Mal, Molly! Thank Carol Danvers I've found you!” exclaimed the stranger with the lantern.
“Um, who are you?” Jo asked tentatively.
“Yeah, and how do you know our names!?” Ripley added.
“Oh no,” the stranger said with a worried look. “Do you have amnesia again? This is why you should never wander off from camp alone.”
“I don't think it's amnesia,” Jo said while furrowing her brow. “We know who we are, we just don't know who you are.”
“But I'm Doreen. I've been your camp counselor all summer. Pretty sure that's amnesia,” said the stranger in a friendly but resolute tone.
The girls exchanged confused glances, then Mal said, “...but Jen is our counselor.”
The stranger, Doreen, looked perplexed at that. “Hmmm, I don't know any counselors named Jen and you are definitely the campers I've been in charge of all summer.” She paused before bending down to listen to a squirrel wearing a pink bow who was chattering at her. “You're right Tippy-Toe.” She said in response to the gesticulating squirrel, “This seems complicated, we should talk to the camp director about this.”
“Yeah, please! Let's please at least go back to camp!” added Mal with a shiver.
“At least we can warm up while we figure this out,” Jo said shrugging.
It wasn't until Doreen turned around to lead them back to the camp that they noticed she had a big, squirrel-like tail. But that was low on the list of weird things this afternoon so they just shrugged again and followed her.
The blizzard conditions had calmed down into the scenic, fluffy kind of snow during their conversation in the clearing. In a matter of minutes Doreen led them out of the woods into the familiar landscape of the area around camp. “Almost there!” she said pausing for everyone to catch up.
“Well, at least Rosie will know what to do,” said April.
“Who's Rosie?” asked Doreen.
“She’s our Camp Director!” squeaked Mal. “How do you know our camp but not the director?”
“Hmmmm,” was all Doreen said to that. Though she seemed to be consulting with the squirrel perched on her shoulder.
“I don't really know what's going on,” she continued a moment later. “But I promise we're going to figure this out together and Camp Director Natasha is going to help. Please just trust me, okay Roanoke Cabin?”
The girls huddled closer to each other and exchanged another round of glances before nodding and following her. A few steps later they noticed that while everything about the camp looked the same, the sign above the entrance said “Ms. Peggy Carter's School for Hardcore, Independent, Exceptional Lady Defenders.”
“April...” said Jo.
“I know,” replied April.
“Why?” groaned Mal.
“It'll be okay, Mal,” Molly said taking her hand. “This probably isn't even the weirdest thing that'll happen this week.”
“That's not exactly a comforting idea,” replied Mal.
“Adventure!” shouted Ripley, darting after Doreen.
The girls followed Doreen into Rosie's office. Except apparently it wasn't Rosie's office because the name plaque on the desk said “Natasha Romanov,” and though there was an intimidating redhead sitting at the desk, she definitely wasn't Rosie.
“Hi Director Natasha. Sorry to bother you, but something strange is going on with Roanoke Cabin,” began Doreen.
“Well, that's hardly unusual,” said Natasha. “Don't tell me they caused this snow.”
“No. At least I don't think so. They say they don't know us but that they don’t have amnesia, things are just different .”
The girls spent the next several minutes answering questions and filling Natasha in on the morning's events.
“Hmmm, it sounds like this is some kind of parallel dimension swap rather than amnesia,” said Natasha in a calm, almost bored tone. “I'll have to call S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters to investigate this matter further.”
“So,” started Doreen, “Does that mean our Roanoke campers are still out in the storm? Should we go look for them?”
“No, I think this swap must have worked both ways. They'd be back at camp already otherwise, the snow has calmed down,” Natasha said, gesturing to the window. “I'll need to consult with Agent Hill at H.Q. about the causes of this storm and ways to get everyone back to their proper dimension. In the meantime, Doreen, why don't you work with them on some safe, easy badges?”
“Okay ladies,” said Doreen as she ushered them out of the office. “Let's get you some sweaters and swing by Roswell Cabin to see if Kamala wants to join us.”
“So, we're all just cool with the parallel dimension explanation?” asked Mal, but everyone else just seemed sort of relieved.
“Who's Kamala?” asked April
“Oh, she's one of the other counselors. Her campers are off job shadowing with Thor today and I think she'll be excited to meet people from another dimension.”
“Thor? Like the God of Thunder?” asked Molly.
“Goddess of Thunder, but yeah. Carries a big hammer, commands the skies, you get the idea.” supplied Doreen.
“A couple of Greek gods messed with our camp a few weeks back,” April volunteered. “Artemis and Apollo were fighting over who would inherit their dad's power. Apollo brainwashed the boys camp into helping him and everything!”
“Wow, Thor and Loki did that exact same thing here when they were campers!” exclaimed Doreen.
As they walked towards Roswell Cabin, Bubbles decided he felt more like being a raccoon than a hat for a bit and hopped down to walk alongside Molly. Tippy-Toe, Doreen's squirrel pal, soon joined him and Molly briefly paused to scratch them both behind the ears.
“Aww, they're friends!” said Ripley, who was walking nearby.
“Hey Kamala!” Doreen shouted while knocking on the the door to Roswell Cabin. “You'll never guess what happened!”
A girl who looked to be around the same age as Doreen, a few years older than the campers, opened the door. Instead of the camp uniform, she was wearing jeans and a blue zip-up hoodie emblazoned with a lightning bolt. “Don’t tell me Galactus is attacking again,” she said with an eye roll.
“As if! He knows not to mess with me again!” Doreen said brushing some imaginary dirt off her shoulder. “The Roanoke Campers got swapped to a parallel dimension!”
“Woah, a multiverse mix-up!” said the new girl, Kamala, with a gleam in her eye. “That is seriously cool! Tell me everything, I could use the details in some of my Avengers fanfic. Which...” she said looking bashful, “I totally don't write anymore. If anyone asks.”
“I knew you'd be interested,” said Doreen. “Wanna hang out with us today? We're going to work on some easy badges.”
The group briefly conferred inside the cabin and decided that the snow was a good excuse to work on some wintry badges that would ordinarily seem out of place at a summer camp. Kamala volunteered to work on the “Deck the Halls” badge making garlands and wreaths with Jo and April while Mal, Molly, and Ripley opted to work on the “Go Nuts!” chestnut roasting badge with Doreen.
As they all walked towards the mess hall to gather supplies, Doreen approached Molly and tentatively said,“ Hey Molly. I know this is a rough day for you guys, but Tippy-Toe said her feelings are a little hurt because you're ignoring her questions.”
“Tippy-Toe?” Molly said, slightly confused, “Your squirrel? I...I scratched her ears when she was playing with Bubbles. I thought we were getting along. Wait,” she said, even more confused,
“What do you mean answer her questions? ”
“She said she asked you something, but you ignored her.”
“How would I talk to a squirrel?”
“You...you mean this version of you can't talk to animals?” Doreen asked, looking perplexed.
“Molly has superpowers here!!!” shouted Ripley.
“Well, yeah, a lot of you have superpowers. This is a camp for superheroes.”
“What!” April and Mal shouted in unison, while Ripley began jumping up and down.
“Um, didn't you guys notice my squirrel powers and my tail?” Doreen responded.
The campers exchanged a round of confused looks with each other, then Jo volunteered, “Well...I don't think any of us realized that your tail indicated superpowers.”
“Yup! I'm Squirrel Girl. Powers of both squirrel and girl!” Doreen cheerfully supplied. “Wanna hear my theme song?”
“Woah, so if this is a camp for superheroes, what are our powers?!” asked Mal.
“Well,” said Doreen, “Molly can talk to animals, April has super strength, Ripley can fly, and Mal, you can occasionally stop time, but only when you're really stressed.”
“And me?” asked Jo, barely audible over the excited shouts of her friends.
“You're really good at building stuff!” continued Doreen.
“Oh...” said Jo. “I can already do that.”
“Like, really, really good!”
“Yeah,” Jo said unimpressed. “My dads are engineers. I'm good with tech.”
“What about you, Kamala? Do you have superpowers?” asked Molly.
“Yeah, I can embiggen myself!”
“Huh?” said Mal.
“It means I can make myself bigger or smaller, see,” Kamala said and raised her left hand, which was suddenly several times bigger. “Gimme five!”
“Okay ladies, let's get to work on these badges.” Doreen said, steering the conversation back on track as they arrived at the same clearing in the woods where they'd first met. “Mal, Molly, Ripley, let's go forage for chestnuts. Jo and April, have fun gathering evergreen branches for your garlands with Kamala.”
The two groups split up and were quickly engrossed in their projects. As April ran ahead to trim low-hanging boughs from a particularly beautiful fir tree, Kamala lightly touched Jo on the shoulder and said, “Hey, you seem down. I know this day is all sorts of weird, but we'll figure out how to get you back to your dimension soon, I'm sure.”
“Oh,” said Jo, self-consciously rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry I'm distracted. It's not even about that.”
“Well, whatever it is, I'm happy to give you some camp counselor advice, or I can just leave you alone, your call.”
Jo sighed, “It’s just...everyone else gets cool superpowers. But even in this superhero dimension I’m just....me.”
“Oh Jo!” Kamala said with feeling. “Not having superpowers doesn’t make you less important than anyone else in SHIELD!”
“Uh huh,” Jo said, staring down at her feet.
“No, really! A lot of the campers aren’t superpowered, Roanoke Cabin is just particularly skewed towards superpowers. And many of the greatest, most important heroes in our world are non-powered including our camp founder Peggy Carter and our current director Natasha!”
“Really?” asked Jo, glancing up.
“Yup,” Kamala said with a reassuring smile. “You don’t need superpowers, you have super skills! You’re super smart and you’re a problem solver and you’re a natural leader, now that’s what it takes to be a hero. The rest is mostly style points.”
“Thanks,” said Jo, smiling back, and the two of them ran ahead to join April.
Meanwhile, in another part of the forest Mal and Molly were hoisting Ripley into a chestnut tree while Bubbles and Tippy-Toe conferred with Doreen over where to find the greatest amount of chestnuts.
“Ya know,” Mal said to Molly, “Despite my earlier concerns, this is actually turning into a really pleasant day.”
“Yeah,” Molly said, smiling at her as Ripley began jumping up and down on a branch to shake chestnuts loose, “The woods look so beautiful in this snow.”
Just then there was a rustling noise up ahead and six snowmen, looking like they’d just escaped from a holiday claymation special, burst onto the path in a spray of snow and pine needles shouting “Resistance is futile! Submit to your Snow Overlords!”
“Oh look,” exclaimed Mal as she helped Ripley jump down from the tree. “My concerns are back!”
The three of them ran to join Doreen just as the snowmen began advancing. The snowmen were slow moving, but they were brandishing their oversized candy canes menacingly.
The four leading snowmen moved to the side and Ripley barely had time to ask “What are they doing?” before Doreen dove, shoving everyone behind the large, downed tree they were standing next to. “The rear two have an ice cannon!” she explained, just as the first giant snowball crashed into the tree.
“Soon all of the multiverse will collapse into one glorious, icy realm and we, the citizens of Winter Wonderland, will control everything!” the snowmen cackled in unison.
“Winter Wonderland?” shouted Doreen while chucking chestnuts at them from behind the fallen tree, “Is that some lame theme park for little kids?”
“Silence fools! How dare you insult our home world!” said the snowman in the red top hat, who was evidently their leader. “We have controlled Winter Wonderland for millennia. Soon we will control your world! And All worlds!”
“Holy Scarlet Witch,” Doreen said turning to grab more chestnuts. “This has gotten weirder than usual.”
“I know!” agreed Molly just as she hit the lead snowman in the head with a pine cone, temporarily interrupting his speech. “They’re FROM SPACE!”
While the snowman continued to drone on in the background saying something about chaining the universe to to their icy yoke, Doreen turned to Molly again .
“Oh, space invaders are totally normal here, but the baddies aren’t usually so adorable . Just look at their little button eyes and carrot noses.”
“Guys!” interjected Mal, “While that snowman was monologuing I figured out a plan! Doreen and Molly, increase the pine cone assault while I tell Ripley what to do!”
Mal and Ripley whispered to each other for a few moments before Mal said, “Okay, guys, it's time to really earn that 'Go Nuts!' badge. We need to keep the snowmen distracted while Ripley runs away. I'll explain later!”
“Incoming!” shouted Doreen right before a volley of snowballs hit their shelter and a spray of snow drifted over the top.
“How are they even doing any of this with tiny twig arms!?” shouted Mal. “Nevermind, let's just do this thing!”
“Take that, you evil snow-verlords!” shouted Molly and the three of them began pelting the snowmen with chestnuts and pine cones. Meanwhile, Tippy-Toe and Bubbles arrived with an assortment of woodland creatures and began the second wave of the assault—leaping onto the snowmen and clawing at them, sending coal buttons, scarves, and corn cob pipes flying in all directions.
The group of snowmen briefly withdrew to regroup, and Mal turned to Doreen and Molly to explain, “We need to keep these snowguys distracted for a while, let them think they're winning, and then lure them to the clearing. Ripley and the rest of the gang will take it from there.”
They exchanged several rounds of pine cones, chestnuts, and snowballs with the snowmen and slowly retreated in the direction of the clearing before dashing through it and hiding behind some trees.
As the snowmen entered the clearing, Kamala ran out into the center and tripped. “Oh no, I've hurt my leg!” she lamented dramatically.
“Let's take this one prisoner and force the others to surrender,” suggested one snowman as they drew near her.
“Ha, you just fell for the oldest trick in the book, Frosty the Snow Jerk!” exclaimed Kamala, standing up and embiggening her arms until she could reach around and hug-restrain the entire group of snowmen.
“Eeeeek, I don't know why I didn't realize how cold this would be!” she added with a grimace.
“Okay Kamala, you can let them go now!” Mal shouted stepping from behind a tree. “April, Jo, launch Operation Holly Jolly Booby Trap!”
With that, a giant net made from garlands dropped from above, trapping the stunned snowmen underneath it. Before they could even begin to struggle out of the net, Kamala and Ripley ran around them tying the net with yet another garland and finishing it off with a decorative bow.
“How dare you, insignificant humans!” shouted the lead snowman. “You may have trapped us, but you can't stop the multiverse from collapsing. Soon our snowy brethren will arrive to free us and you will suffer our icy wrath!”
Before anyone could even think of a snappy retort, Bear Woman came crashing into the clearing with Jen and another set of the Roanoke Campers hot on her heels, “There you girls are! Ah, I see you've taken care of the Winter invaders.”
“Jen!” yelled the Lumberjanes while running towards their counselor and tackling her in a group hug.
“Doreen!” shouted the SHIELD Scouts while doing the exact same thing. The exact same thing, that is, until April lifted the entire group off the ground and Ripley started hovering in the air above them.
“Well, this is all very touching,” said Bear Woman. “But we really do need to neutralize this multiverse smash-up.
“How did you even get here?” Asked Jo.
“Oh, I sensed that this was a World Storm and used my magic spectacles to find the portal you'd slipped through. Found these girls along they way,” she said gesturing at the SHIELD scouts.
“After that it, was a simple matter of following the path of mystical energy. Speaking of which,” she said looking around, “I really need to find whatever object of power it is that they're using to cause this storm, I'll be right back.”
As Bear Woman wandered off into the woods Mal, Molly, Jo, April, and Ripley turned to the other Mal, Molly, Jo, April, and Ripley.
“Woah, this is weird,” said Mal.
“Totally weird!” agreed Mal.
Molly waved tentatively at Molly. April hi-fived April. Ripley tackled Ripley in an enthusiastic, cartwheeling hug and Jo asked “Do you think it's okay that we're all seeing each other?”
“Hmmm, it's probably okay.” Answered the other Jo. “This is a multiverse issue, not time travel.”
“Oh my gosh, you must be Jen, nice to meet you!” said Doreen.
“And you must be Doreen!” replied Jen. “Wow, you are going to have to tell me how you keep up with the five of them with superpowers !”
“Oh, they're pretty good at taking care of themselves, they just need a bit of guidance.”
“Yeah,” agreed Jen, looking over at her Lumberjanes, who were posing for a group selfie with Kamala in front of the angry but helpless snowmen, “I know what you mean.”
“Found it!” shouted Bear Woman, trudging back into the clearing carrying a large log. “This Log reeks of mystical energy.”
“No! Our Yule Log!” whined one of the snowmen. “We should have left some members of our team behind to guard it!”
“If only we hadn't underestimated these meddling kids!” bemoaned another.
“So, how do we, uh, ‘neutralize’ it?” asked Kamala.
“If we go back to camp and burn it, everyone, including the snowmen, should be transported back to the dimension they were in before this storm began,” said Bear Woman.
“We'll meet you guys back at the camp, byyyyyeeeee!” shouted Ripley, grabbing Ripley and flying off towards camp.
Soon both sets of the Roanoke Cabin campers, Doreen, Jen, Kamala, Camp Director Natasha, and Bear Woman were gathered around a roaring fire in the Mess Hall's fireplace sipping mugs of hot cocoa.
“Do you think it's okay to roast marshmallows on a mystical fire?” asked April.
“Better safe than sorry,” Natasha said matter-of-factly. “Now, before this fire burns down and you head back to your home dimension, I'm honored to award you Lumberjanes Scouts the “Deck the Halls” and “Go Nuts” Badges.
“And,” continued Bear Woman, “For collaborating with our partners in the superhero dimension and fighting off an invading army of snowmen, you have all earned your ‘Winter Soldier’ Badges. Congratulations ladies.”
Doreen and Kamala helped them hand out the badges. As the fire died down, they all began to sense their worlds drifting apart and everyone got up to give their counterparts a hug.
“It was so great meeting you!” Molly said to Molly.
“Maybe our dimensions will crossover again?”
“Hopefully!” agreed Molly, “I mean, this was weird, but weird is kind of our thing.”
The End