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There wasn’t a moment that Nick wasn’t thinking about Charlie. He loved him, and he missed him, and he definitely thought about him too much, but Nick honestly couldn’t find it in him to care. He always thought about Charlie, he always wanted to be with Charlie. And, sure, he definitely annoyed his mates sometimes with how much he talked about him, but give him a break! He barely saw Charlie once a month. He deserved to talk about him.
And now, Charlie was going to be here. In less than nine hours, Nick would go to the train station and see Charlie’s brilliant smile and sweep him into his arms and kiss him and hold him and have so much sex with him and—
“Nick.”
Nick looked up, already going red. He knew that tone. That was his “stop talking/thinking about Charlie” warning. He gave his friends a sheepish smile.
“Sorry,” he said, though they all knew he didn’t mean it.
Liam, the one who’d spoken, rolled his eyes, but Nick recognised the ghost of a smile on his face. He muttered something under his breath and Nick grinned in response.
“You’re infuriating,” Ricky told him.
“Charlie’s gonna be here,” Nick reminded them gleefully.
All three of his friends groaned, and chorused, “We know.”
Maybe Nick should be ashamed about how much he’d annoyed his friends, but he wasn’t. He was so in love and, fuck, he wanted everyone to know it.
If Nick was honest, he was also very happy to brag. Not only was he dating Charlie Spring, but he’d been with him since Year 11 and they’d lasted. And, God, he was lucky. Because not everyone met the love of their life when they were sixteen. And not everyone was able to make long-distance work, but they did. And it wasn’t easy, Nick would never say it was easy. He missed Charlie like he’d miss his right arm, an empty, phantom feeling that he always felt. But he loved Charlie. He fell in love with him when they were kids, and now they’re older and they’re still just as in love.
Nick would be lying if he said he’d never shared Charlie’s fears that they’d grow apart when he left for Leeds. He’d been so worried, it would keep him up at night, trying to imagine a life where he’d fallen out of love with Charlie. He never could manage it, only ending up in tears, muffling his cries in his pillow. It had been enough to distract him from studies the first few weeks of uni, had him spending more time researching how to keep long-distance relationships alive than he spent doing actual coursework.
But they made it. They actually made it. And, sure, it was only December and they still had months until they’d be together again, for good. Nick wasn’t banking on Charlie coming to Leeds, either, because he wanted his boyfriend to go where he wanted to be, wherever was best for him. They’d make it work, just like they’d made this work. Nick knew that. He felt it.
“ Nick !”
Again, Nick snapped back to attention. His friends were even more annoyed than they’d just been, but still looked fond enough that Nick wasn’t too concerned. He didn’t actually feel too bad, either. They were the ones who chose to distract him all day so that he didn’t putter anxiously around his dorm until it was time to go get Charlie.
“Sorry,” he said to his friends. They clearly were very unimpressed.
“I’m going to take your phone and chuck it out a window,” Ricky said slowly.
Nick held his phone protectively against his chest. “My phone has done nothing to you.”
“Stop looking at it,” Bash said simply.
Nick shrugged. They all knew he would not.
He glanced at his phone. Eight hours.
All three boys groaned again.
***
Two hours and forty-two minutes.
Still two hours and forty-two minutes.
Two hours and forty-one minutes.
Still two hours and forty-one minutes.
Still two hours and forty-one minutes.
Still two hours and fort—
Two hours and forty minutes.
Still two hours and forty minutes.
Still—
A hand appeared in his line of vision that he noticed all too late. His phone was snatched from his grip. He watched Ricky shove his phone in his pocket, nostrils flaring.
“Mate, for the love of God, would you just focus?”
Nick hunched a bit into himself, sheepish. “Sorry.”
This time, he actually was. His friends had taken him out, even paid his way so that he would join them, and he wasn’t paying attention. They were playing a game of pool, but the only thing Nick was thinking about was maybe taking Charlie here later and showing him how to play, his arms around Charlie, their hands lined up, Charlie’s back pressed to Nick’s front, so close that Nick would be able to feel his shiver as Nick’s breath ghosted over his throat, Charlie bent over the table in front of them, his arse pressed to—
“Nicholas!”
Nick literally jumped. “Wha—oh.” He winced. “I’m sorry.”
Ricky sighed and pulled Nick’s phone back out. “For God’s sake, man, just play a game with us.”
Before Nick could take his phone back, another hand swooped in and grabbed it. “Nope,” Bash said. He took Nick’s phone and put it in his pocket. “If I see you check your phone one more time, I will explode. Or maybe you will. I don’t care, you’re going to stop thinking about Charlie, because you’ve got literal hours to pick him up, so you’re going to put your phone away and spend time with your mates.”
“But if I’m late—“
“We will tell you when you need to go,” Bash said firmly. He turned Nick around and steered him to the pool table by the shoulders. “For now, just fucking play the game, mate, honestly!”
Nick sighed. He picked up his forgotten pool cue and nodded, mostly to himself. He loved his friends and they deserved for him to focus when they wanted to spend time with him. Besides, he did have nearly three hours until Charlie’s train arrived. This place was barely twenty minutes from the station and the lads already agreed that they’d get an Uber so Nick could leave with the car. They were good friends, and they deserved for him to focus.
A couple hours getting Charlie off his mind couldn’t hurt.
***
Maybe it was time.
Charlie would rather die than admit it, but as the hour hand ticked closer to the 7, he had to face the facts.
Nick wasn’t coming.
His throat was tight, an uncomfortable physical ache shooting through his middle. Charlie was getting sympathetic looks from people who passed by him, because he couldn’t stop fucking crying, but he couldn’t help it. He was in an unfamiliar place, stranded with definitely not enough money to get home, and his boyfriend had fallen out of love with him.
He sobbed silently. Nick had fallen out of love with him.
Charlie hoped his tears didn’t freeze his eyes shut. The goddamn icing on the cake.
He’d already called Nick ten times, but he tried again, just because he had nothing else to do. The benches were all filled with people who were waiting for pick up, because Charlie had assumed Nick would already be there just like he’d promised. But Charlie’s train got in a half hour ago (early), and Nick still wasn’t here.
The phone rang, and rang, and rang, and went to voicemail.
Nick wasn’t coming.
Maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. He’d thought he’d known Nick better than he knew himself. Hell, they were planning on spending Christmas together, combining their families in the Nelson home for dinner. His parents had come round on Nick, trusting him wholly and completely with Charlie’s safety and happiness. He thought Nick was just as in love with him as he was with Nick. But that couldn’t be true, could it? If Nick didn’t even come to get him.
His phone rang in his hand, his heart jumping in excitement before dropping again when he saw the Caller ID. Sarah. He hit the accept button and pressed the phone to his ear. “Hi,” he croaked.
“Oh, Charlie, I can’t get ahold of him, either,” she said sadly.
Charlie sniffled. He should’ve expected this. He was foolish, so foolish, to think they could make long-distance work.
Sarah sighed over the phone, sounding so very upset for him. Charlie would miss her so dearly when he and Nick broke up. He was so stupid to think they wouldn’t.
“Charlie, love, do you think you’ll come back?”
Charlie glanced around the train station. The sun was setting, leaving him in the dark. His fingers were numb. He hadn’t worn gloves, didn’t think he’d need them.
“The next train back to Kent is in an hour,” he said, voice strangely emotionless. He didn’t feel emotionless; he felt like his world was falling apart. “I think I’ll just… wait here a little longer. If he’s not here in forty minutes, I’ll get a ticket for the train.”
“Okay,” Sarah said gently. “I’ll keep calling him, okay?”
“Sure,” Charlie said, but he knew it was pointless. He knew, with his entire being, that Nick wasn’t coming. He wasn’t answering, he wasn’t coming to pick him up. Maybe he forgot Charlie was coming today, maybe he decided to cancel but forgot to tell him, maybe he forgot Charlie was coming at all.
He and Sarah said their goodbyes before hanging up. His phone lit up with a message from—curse his stupid heart for rising—Tao—and curse it for falling.
Did you get to Nick’s ok?
Charlie wanted to cry. The last thing he wanted to do was tell Tao what was going on; his friend was protective, and it’d taken so long for him to accept Nick. But Charlie knew the two cared so deeply for each other, and Charlie didn’t want to separate them. Still, he didn’t want to lie to his friend. But maybe—
Why are you still at the station?
—maybe Tao would look at their Life360, apparently.
Charlie sighed and opened Tao’s contact, hitting call before he could change his mind. Tao picked up before the first ring.
“What's going on?” He asked anxiously.
Charlie wanted to cry again. Elle wouldn’t do something like this to Tao, not that they had to worry about that, since she was closer. Tao wouldn’t do this to Charlie. Charlie wouldn’t do this to Nick.
“I think…” Charlie gasped, his eyes filling with tears again. “I think Nick forgot me.”
Saying the words out loud made it so real, and Charlie started crying in earnest. He was so ashamed to be having a breakdown so publicly, but he was exhausted and freezing and his relationship was ending and there was nothing he could do about it. Tao was trying to calm him down from the other line, trying to get more information, but Charlie couldn’t stop sobbing. He could see his breath in the air in front of him. He couldn’t tell anymore if he was shaking because he was so cold or because he was so upset.
“Nick never came,” Charlie gasped out. “He’s just… he’s not here. His location says he’s at some bar or something, I dunno. He forgot about me.”
Tao was quiet for so long that Charlie thought maybe he’d hung up or the call dropped. He checked his phone; the timer was still going.
“Tao?” He asked.
“Yeah,” he said curtly. “Yeah, I’m—I’m here. Look, maybe there’s… maybe there’s a misunderstanding. Nick loves you, there’s probably an issue. Maybe he forgot what time you were coming. And maybe he left his phone there and never went to pick it up.”
Charlie supposed both of those things were possible, but he couldn’t help but think neither were true. He shrugged even though Tao couldn’t see it and wiped away his tears before they froze on his cheeks. As it was, his face was stinging from the cold. “I dunno, Tao. I’m just… If he’s not here soon, I’ll come back home. There’s no reason to stay.”
Tao was frantic as he said, “Just give it some more time. Maybe he’ll be there soon.”
“Why?” Charlie pressed. “I never thought you’d be defending Nicholas Nelson.”
“I’m not,” Tao said firmly. “But I guess I just… I dunno. I don’t want you two to break up. I’ll try calling him. Just keep me posted, okay?”
“Okay,” Charlie muttered. “Talk soon, Tao.”
They signed off and Charlie was left there, again, standing in the cold.
He knew, in hindsight, that this was always going to happen. He knew he loved Nick, knew he missed him, but he was still stuck in Kent with people he barely cared about, under the oppressive eye of his mum. Everywhere he looked reminded him of Nick. It was easy for Nick to move on, in new places surrounded by new people, doing new things. Exploring who he was. Charlie wished he could be there for him. He wished he could witness it. But, well, they couldn’t last, he supposed.
He wondered if Nick was on a date right now. It was probably stupid, but it was a thought that latched on and wouldn’t let go. But what if he was? What if he was on a date with someone, a uni student? Someone smart and dedicated and funny and sweet and as gorgeous as Nick. Someone kind and caring, someone perfect for Nick. Someone perfect for Charlie’s boyfriend.
He tried calling again, because if he was going to get his heart broken, he wanted to hear Nick’s voice one last time. All he got was the answering machine.
Charlie grew more frantic as the time got closer to the next train’s departure to Kent. This couldn’t be it. This couldn’t be how it ended. It was three years of love and magic and dedication and transformation. It was three years of happiness and hard work and beauty. It was three years of kisses and hugs and cuddles. It was three years of growth, three years of challenges, three years of change, three years of falling in love.
Was this really the end? Charlie, left, abandoned on a train station while Nick moved on with his uni life? Was that the wrap up on Nick and Charlie? It felt wrong. It was wrong. And yet, Charlie was still at the train station, and Nick was still not here.
Eventually, Charlie hauled himself into the line for tickets. He tried calling Nick a few more times, still crying so hard that he was sure he wouldn’t get any words out if Nick did pick up. He was getting messages from Sarah, from Tao, even from Tara and Darcy now, some from a couple of Nick’s friends Charlie’d met his last trip out to Leeds. He didn’t answer them.
He was next in line; Charlie felt like throwing up.
He tried Nick one more time, then called his mum.
“Charlie,” she greeted him brightly. “How’s Leeds, darling?”
Charlie cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um—it’s…” He glanced around the darkened train station, gut churning. “Nick had something come up this weekend,” he said. “I’m not gonna be able to stay now. So, I… I was gonna exchange my return ticket for one to come back to Kent now. I’m not sure if I can, would you be able to send me money and I’ll pay you back?”
“Charlie, what happened?” She asked.
He sighed, tears springing to his eyes again that he valiantly blinked back. “Mum, I’m next in line, please?”
“Okay,” she said. She sounded so concerned, and he knew he’d have to explain better when he got back.
They hung up after that, his phone already buzzing with the arrival of enough money to get a ticket. He sent a quick text to Sarah, explaining the situation. He tacked on how he’d excused the early return and asked her to keep it from his mum, at least until he could tell her. He was just so humiliated. He was so stupid, thinking this would work. Thinking they’d last.
The teller called for the next in queue, and Charlie stepped up with deep-seated dread. He explained how he wanted to exchange his ticket for one for the next train, the one pulling into the station now. The girl behind the desk nodded and got to work. Before he could show her his ticket, though, his phone rang. He’d learnt not to get his hopes up now, but—
Nick.
He excused himself and answered the phone.
***
Liam had called a difficult shot and whiffed so hard that the cue ball went flying off the table, and Nick couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so hard.
(He could. He’d last come to visit Kent and he was in his bedroom with Charlie and his dogs. He and Charlie were teasing each other and, jokingly, Charlie had gotten up to leave, then tripped over Henry and landed face first on Nick’s bean bag, making the seam rip and the insides explode. Nick had laughed so hard that he was in tears. But he wasn’t thinking about Charlie right now, so he couldn’t remember. At least, he wouldn’t start thinking about him too in depth, because he didn’t want to bother the lads again.)
As nice as it was to get Charlie off his mind for a few hours (he hadn’t actually, he didn’t think he’d ever stop thinking about him, but it wasn’t his main thought now), he was glad to be getting his phone back. He was so relieved that he’d be on his way to get Charlie now, and—
“No.” He stared at his phone. Sixteen missed calls from Charlie, nine from his mum, four from Tao, over a hundred missed text messages—
Nick’s chest went tight. It was 19:30. It was over an hour after Charlie’s train had gotten to the station.
“Oh, no,” he heard someone say, but he couldn’t find the brain power to figure out who it was.
Charlie had gotten to the train station, early by the looks of it, and Nick wasn’t there. He hadn’t been there, he wasn’t there, he still wasn’t there—
“Oh my god.”
Nick thought he might faint. Then, he snapped into action, all but running out of the building. There were three sets of footsteps running behind him, frantic as they all were, all four of them cursing in sharp puffs of breath. Nick wanted to hit all three of them, but he knew that wouldn’t help now. Hell, it would only make it worse.
“Nick,” one of them started as they got to his car.
Nick spun around, glaring. “This is your fault!” He shouted. “All of you, you couldn’t just leave me alone! Who turned off my ringer?”
His phone was with Bash all evening, and he hadn’t seen Ricky do anything to his phone during the brief period that he’d had it. He knew who it was. And Bash clearly knew, too. He looked like he might throw up.
“I swear it was an accident,” Bash said weakly, and Nick could tell it was true. “I swear, I—I didn’t mean to, Nick, I—“
Nick swore and gestured roughly at the car. “Get in or I’m leaving you out here!”
All four boys rushed into the car. For some reason the three giants all climbed into the back seat as Nick practically launched himself behind the wheel. As he started the car, he shouted, “Someone call Charlie!”
“On it,” Liam said, scrambling with his own phone.
He threw his phone at them as he pulled out of the car park, still buckling himself in. “Not your phone, you dolt, mine! Someone call Charlie on my phone and put him on speaker phone, now!”
There was barely a few seconds of silence—too long—before the dial tone was ringing through Nick’s car. How he forgot he had Bluetooth, he didn’t know, but he wasn’t exactly thinking right now.
It wasn’t long before the call connected and Charlie’s voice came through. “Hello?”
“Charlie!” Nick gasped out. “Char, oh, my God, I’m so sorry!”
“Nick, it’s fine,” Charlie said. Nick wanted to throw up.
“No, Charlie, it—it’s not fine! I—I’m so sorry, I’m on my way right now.”
Charlie was quiet for a second. Then, “You’re on your way?”
“Yes, I am, I—I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Charlie didn’t say anything. Then, another voice came over the line, a bit more distant, saying, “Sir, did you still want the ticket?”
“Oh—no, no, thank you, though,” Charlie replied.
Nick’s stomach dropped. “Ticket?”
He could sense the reluctance on Charlie’s end before he said, “I… I thought you weren’t coming.”
It took great effort for Nick to ease off the gas, but he forced himself to, because he knew he couldn’t see well enough through his sudden tears to drive safely at such a high speed. “You were gonna go back to Kent?”
Charlie didn’t answer. Nick thought very briefly that maybe he should just ram the car into a tree.
“Char, I—I’m coming. I promise. And I swear I’ll explain.”
“Okay.” Charlie’s voice was so small, and Nick hated it.
“I love you,” Nick said firmly. “So, so much, I love you more than anything.”
Charlie breathed a shaky sigh. “I love you, too.”
Nick didn’t know why, but thank God that he did. “I’ll be there in fifteen, I promise.”
“Thought you said twenty?”
“I’ll make it fifteen.”
Charlie huffed and, fuck, Nick wanted to cry. “Please drive safely.”
Nick gritted his teeth, lips pursed, and forced himself to ease up a bit more. “Okay. I’ll see you soon, love, I promise.”
“Okay,” Charlie whispered. The call disconnected.
Nick bit down on the inside of his cheek, then slammed his hand against the steering wheel. “Fuck!”
None of the boys behind him said a word. Nick didn’t expect them to. In this moment, he hated all of them, but most of all, he hated himself.
God, what was Charlie thinking right now? Did he think Nick forgot about him? Did he think Nick had done it on purpose? Surely not, right? He knew, even if they were ready to go their separate ways (the thought made Nick sob, but he ignored it), he knew Nick would be kind. He had to. But Nick didn’t feel very kind right now. He felt like the worst boyfriend in the world. And, God, maybe he was.
How could he have done this? He loved Charlie with his whole heart and soul. And now? He treated him like this? Fuck, Nick was a monster.
He dialled his Mum, who answered on the first ring.
“Nicholas Nelson,” she said fiercely. “Tell me there is some misunderstanding and you did not leave that boy at the train station for over an hour.”
Nick would rather face a firing squad than have this conversation.
“Mum,” he said in a trembling voice. “I—I don’t—“ He squeezed the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles aching. “Do you think he’s going to break up with me?”
Sarah was quiet for too long. Finally, she spoke again, “I don’t know, Nicky.”
As much as Nick understood, it was not the answer he wanted. But his mum was kind, and she was honest, and she’d never give him false hope.
“I didn’t mean to,” Nick said, pleading, but he knew there was no real excuse. “I didn’t realise the time—“
“It was our fault,” Bash spoke up, making Nick jump. He’d honestly forgotten his friends were in the car. He still hated them a little. “We took his phone so he’d stop checking it every thirty seconds. We told him that we’d tell him when to go, but we lost track of time. It’s on us, completely.”
Sarah sighed, crackling over the phone. “I really don’t know what to say right now, Nicky.”
“I know,” Nick whispered. He wiped his face and blinked more tears from his eyes. “God, I… I can’t believe I’ve done this.”
“I’m sure Charlie will understand,” she said gently. “And I’m sure he’ll forgive you. You’re a sweet boy, Nick, and you can make mistakes every once in a while. But you’d better make it up to him.”
“I will!” Nick rushed. “God, if he lets me, I will.”
Sarah was quiet for a minute. “Charlie said he’d told his parents that you had something come up and he wouldn’t be able to stay the weekend anymore. They don’t know that you didn’t pick him up.”
The admission should’ve been a relief; Jane and Julio wouldn’t hate him and Charlie clearly still cared enough to cover for him. But he didn’t deserve it.
A sneaking thought came to him, that maybe Charlie had told them that because he was embarrassed. Maybe he’d lied to avoid his own humiliation, at being forgotten at the train station by his boyfriend.
Because his boyfriend forgot him at the train station.
Nick wanted to fucking die.
He’d never felt this type of dread before, not in all the times he’d fucked up with Charlie, not when he felt like he was going to come out, not when he was staring down a rugby team that was full of players twice his size. Nick felt like he was facing the end of his own life, a bitter loss of a young boy who’d never once been cruel or horrible to others. A boy who loved his mother, loved his boyfriend, loved his dogs, was loved by his friends, had a bright career ahead of him where he planned to help others—a boy gone too soon.
He almost wished he was dying. That might be less painful than the idea of living the rest of his life without Charlie.
“I’m at the station, Mum, I gotta go.”
“Alright. Love you, Nicky.”
“I love you, too,” he told her as he pulled into the pick-up zone. He barely had the car in park and his boyfriend in sight before he was jumping out and running up to Charlie to pull him into an embrace.
Charlie looked… He looked beautiful, as always, but he was miserable in a way Nick had forgotten. He had his bags with him, one on the ground in front of him while the other was slung over his shoulder, and he was wearing his tighter jeans and a heavy jacket over a thick sweatshirt. His eyes were red, cheeks puffy, and his lips were tinged purple. As he gathered Charlie in his arms, he could feel him trembling. Nick didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for this.
“God, I’m so sorry,” Nick told him, but he knew the words meant nothing. Not now. Not after this. “I love you so much,” Nick said desperately, but it felt like that didn’t mean anything, either. “I love you more than anything in the world, and I am so fucking sorry, Charlie.”
“Nick, it’s fine.” Charlie sounded tired, his voice cracking. Nick couldn’t tell why.
With great strength, Nick pried himself off of his boyfriend—if he could still call him that—to look him in the eye. Charlie gave him a grimace disguised well enough as a smile. Before he could say a word, there was a cacophony of voices from behind him, all clamouring to speak at once.
“We’re so sorry—“
“It’s our fault—“
“We should’ve left Nick alone—“
Before Charlie could get overwhelmed, Nick shouted over them, “Alright, lads!” He sounded harsher than he’d intended, but he was still so pissed at them.
All three went quiet. Ricky and Bash offered to take Charlie’s bags and he handed them over.
“Is there anything you need?” Nick asked desperately.
Charlie shook his head with a sad smile. “No, I kinda just wanna have a shower, if that’s okay.”
Nick nodded, chest aching. “Of course, Char. Come on.”
He took Charlie’s hands—they were fucking freezing—and led him back to the car. Charlie got into the passenger’s side and the three boys crammed into the back again. Nick got back into the car and immediately reached for Charlie’s hands again. He spent a minute warning them between his own. Charlie’s hands were cold on a summer day, but he’d just spent an hour and a half just standing out in the December cold. His fingers were like ice. Both of the boys winced as Nick wrapped his fingers firmly around Charlie’s. He had to assume the boy’s fingers had gone numb.
Nick pressed his lips to Charlie’s knuckles and rubbed his hands over his boyfriend’s to warm them quicker. “I’ll take you back to my dorm, and while you’re in the shower, I can order some soup from that place you liked. And I’ll make you tea or maybe hot cocoa, whatever you want. And we can cuddle and watch movies all night.”
Charlie’s smile was still tired, but more genuine. “I’d like that.”
Nick sighed, relieved. “Okay. Good.”
He held Charlie’s hands with one of his own as he drove back to his dorm. He was much more cautious, fully aware of the precious cargo beside him.
Halfway through the drive back, Bash spoke up, asking to verify Nick’s order from the soup place. Nick glanced behind him at where all three boys were staring down at his phone. “What?”
His friends looked up. Bash waved his phone like that explained everything. “The soup place. What did you want?”
“Oh, um, the tomato and grilled cheese. And Charlie—“
“Yeah, the chicken noodle soup with grilled cheese on wheat, we know.”
“Yeah,” Liam added, “I’d say it’s weird that we know Charlie’s order better than we know yours, but it’s really not.”
Nick huffed, not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. Despite the way they’d all fucked up today, Nick couldn’t deny how much he cared about and appreciated his friends.
“It’ll be ready for pickup in a half hour.” Bash said eventually. “We could go get it while you make you two some hot drinks. And you should have enough time to throw some clothes and a blanket in the dryer so they’ll be warm for when he’s out of the shower.”
God bless Nick’s friends.
“That’d be nice, lads,” Nick said gently. “Thanks.”
They were quiet for a minute before Ricky finally spoke up. “We’re just… really sorry. This is all our fault. Charlie, you have to know that. Nick loves you, he’s been so excited about you coming. We always take him out and distract him so he won’t drive himself crazy watching the time. And today he just wouldn’t put down his phone so we took it. We told him we’d tell when it was time to go, and we said not to ask, either, because we all knew he would ask every five seconds. He really, really loves you. He didn’t forget, it’s our fault.”
“It’s my fault,” Bash added. “It was my idea to take his phone. I was the one who said we’d tell him. We all took the responsibility, but it’s my fault.”
Charlie was staring at his lap as he listened, face painfully cryptic. Nick missed the days when he could read Charlie like one of those I Can Read books. He hoped they got back to that point.
Finally, Charlie said, “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”
No one said anything else. Nick squeezed Charlie’s hands; he almost cried when Charlie squeezed back.
***
Nick already had everything out by the time Charlie came out of the bathroom. He’d had a good cry in the shower, sobbing silently as he got warm. When he’d finally found the strength to leave, he found warm clothes on the counter—Nick’s own jumper and joggers, Charlie’s favourite pair. He’d needed another few minutes to cry after he saw them.
By the time Charlie was leaving the bathroom, he was exhausted, face puffy and nose all stuffed up. He just wanted to curl up in Nick’s arms and fall asleep, but Nick had warm blankets and hot cocoa and soup and sandwiches sitting out, ready for them, and Charlie couldn’t help his desire to pretend things were normal for a little while longer.
Nick started a movie that Charlie didn’t pay attention to as he ate, then curled up into Nick’s side. Nick clung to him, eager to cuddle.
Charlie wondered if maybe Nick was in denial. Perhaps Nick thought he still wanted to be with Charlie because they’d been together for so long. Maybe he didn’t want to flush three years of a relationship down the drain. Maybe he didn’t want to admit what everyone was telling them, that long distance never works. Charlie wondered, as he let Nick hold him, if maybe the only reason they were still together was because Nick was so stubborn, he couldn’t even admit when he was unhappy.
He also knew, somewhere, that Nick had never done that before. Nick had always been real, genuine, and honest. But that thought was distant, drowned out by all the whispers that this was it, this was the end. He better savour these last few hours with the love of his life, because he’d be single by the time he got back to Kent.
What if Nick already had someone in mind? What if, right now, Nick felt so guilty because he wished he was with someone else? What if he’d been so late because he was with someone else? In a romantic way. Charlie’s stomach turned as he pictured it, Nick, Charlie’s boyfriend, out with someone else, not quite on a date because Nick would never cheat, but he’d already moved on. He didn’t love Charlie anymore.
“Are we going to break up?”
At first, Charlie thought he was the one who’d spoken. But, no, that wasn’t him. That was Nick.
Charlie shifted away so he could look Nick in the eye, not even hiding his shock.
“What?”
Nick looked ashamed, biting his lip as he avoided Charlie’s eye, but he also seemed too scared to regret speaking. Charlie watched him steel himself and look back at Charlie’s face.
“I wasn’t going to say anything now. I wanted to give it some time, but I literally cannot take the suspense.”
Charlie sighed. “Oh. Right. Um… I dunno.”
Nick’s eyes filled with tears. He sobbed, hard, and pulled Charlie against his chest. Charlie held him and let himself be held, memorising the feel of Nick around him.
Nick gasped between sobs. “I’m so sorry, Charlie, you—you’re literally the love of my life. You’re everything to me, and I ruined it. I was so stupid, I ruined it, and now you’ll never trust me again and it’s all my fault.”
“Hey,” Charlie soothed. “Nick, it will be okay.”
“I can’t lose you!” Nick jerked back. He cradled Charlie’s face in his hands, reverent and so sad. His face was a mess of snot and tears, cheeks blotchy and red. Charlie thought he was still the most beautiful thing in the world. “I can’t lose you,” Nick repeated. “You’re so important to me, I love you so much. I want to marry you and have kids with you and have dogs that like you more than me no matter how much I bribe them, and I want to grow old with you. I want us to get all wrinkly and grey together and still be just as in love as we have been since the beginning.”
Charlie blinked rapidly, eyes stinging. “I’d like that, too.”
“God, Char,” Nick whispered. His eyes roamed over Charlie’s face, gaze reverent and soft. And, really, Charlie wondered how he ever could have thought that Nick didn’t want him anymore. How, when Nick always called him and counted down the days until they saw each other again, when Nick constantly texted Charlie with uni updates, when Nick’s first thought when he was having fun was to call Charlie. How, when Nick was teased all the time by his uni friends, when they literally told Charlie how gone he was, when Nick had approximately eight thousand notes in his secret calendar of all their little firsts and special moments that he still added to all the time. How, when Nick held him like he was the world, when Nick looked at him like he was heaven, when Nick treated him like an angel. How could Charlie ever think Nick didn’t love him anymore?
Charlie let out a shaky breath, exhausted and emotional and just so damn relieved. “I love you,” he said.
Nick’s eyes welled up again and he held Charlie to his chest, rocking them back and forth. “I love you,” he repeated over and over into Charlie’s curls. And every so often, enough to make Charlie want to scream in pain, he said, “Please don’t leave me.”
And every time, without fail, Charlie promised him, “I won’t.”
When they woke up the next morning, Charlie was running a fever, and Nick doted on him to his heart’s content. Charlie let him, if only because Nick practically lit up like a golden retriever with a ball every time he was able to do something. He was so sweet, and so kind, and Charlie wondered again how he’d ever gotten so lucky as to fall in love with Nick Nelson? And, more, how he’d gotten Nick Nelson to fall in love with him? Because even if sometimes things went wrong, even if sometimes life got in the way, they were still in love. Hours apart, barely able to see one another, they were still in love. And that wouldn’t change. Charlie believed in the love they had for one another, and he believed in Nick. He believed that Nick loved him, and he believed that last night was truly an accident out of their control.
(The video from less than a day ago from Nick’s mates of all the times Nick mentioned Charlie over the span of five minutes certainly helped.)