Chapter Text
Chloe threw herself to the floor as the blast went off. Plaster dust showered down around her, her ears ringing from the explosion. The fire alarm went off overhead, adding to the din, sending flashes of bright light pulsing through the club.
She looked up and over. Leona’s hands were free as she pushed herself up too. Where was the detonator?
There. Behind them both. Chloe scrambled forward, but Leona got there first, her hand closing over the detonator again.
There was no way she’d be able to stop her from pressing it in time. In seconds they would all be dead.
Lucifer—
Chloe twisted and launched herself at him, injured and bleeding on the floor, the only thought in her head to protect her partner. She landed on top of him none too gently, squeezing her eyes shut, clutching him tight. Braced for the explosion to follow.
A second passed, then two. Nothing happened.
She opened her eyes. It took another second to sink in. She was alive—they were both alive. Ella must have done it.
Relief flooded through her along with the adrenaline. Alive, but Lucifer—
She looked up at him, meeting his gaze. “You okay?”
“You landed on my bullet wound,” he said, but as if it was an effort to speak. “That’s exactly the jolt of blinding pain I needed to bring me round.” He grinned a little, letting her know he wasn’t blaming her for it, but it was strained, the extent of that pain evident in every line of his face.
And it was all because of her. Because she was near him. Because she’d come to find him to finish this case. Because she couldn’t leave him well enough alone, even now.
And he’d almost paid for it with his life.
“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “You need me to leave, right? So you can heal. I’ll go.” Still she hesitated, though, unwilling to leave him completely alone. She looked around at the police that had started to pour in through the new gap in Lux’s walls, everyone going in different directions. “Medic! Over here!” she called, but none of them seemed to hear.
Before calling out again, she glanced down to see Lucifer’s eyes falling shut. “Hey,” she said, tapping his cheek before she could think better of it. His eyes fluttered open, unfocused for a second before they found her face again. “Stay awake. You’ll be okay. I’m going. I’m going.”
She started to get up, but Lucifer stopped her, his hand closing over her wrist with a surprising amount of strength, considering the shape he was in. Or maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising. She still didn’t know exactly what it meant to be the devil. “No,” he said. “Don’t go.”
He had to be out of it if he was saying that. “I have to. Just let me put some distance between us and you’ll be okay, right?” She tugged against his grip, but he held firm.
“Too late. It’s too late.”
“It’s not too late,” she insisted. Where were the damn medics?
“Have to tell you something,” he said, more faintly now. Why was he acting like he was about to die?
“It can wait.” She tried to pull away again, but he was still holding on too strongly. She grabbed his own wrist to double her efforts to move it away, to no avail. “Let me go, Lucifer, it’ll be okay, if you just let me go—”
“Chloe.”
It was the sound of her name that made her freeze in place. She could count on one hand the number of times he’d called her by her first name in all the years she’d known him. She stopped trying to get away, her eyes lifting to his.
“I love you,” he said, so simply that it took her a second to realize what he’d said. I love you. The last thing she’d expected to hear.
His gaze remained fixed on her, but his eyes were starting to close again. “Sorry I can’t… be a person… you want to love…”
She was suddenly consumed by the fear that he really might be about to die. He was never like this. Never. “Don’t say that,” she said, desperately shaking her head. He couldn’t really think that of her, could he?
Why wouldn’t he think that? She’d given him every reason to.
Chloe felt the urge to say it back to him, to make sure he knew he was a person she could love, but the words wouldn’t come out, stuck somewhere deep inside. She didn’t know if she actually did love him that way. Everything was so complicated between them. She couldn’t say it back to him now, because she didn’t know. And if he did… if he did die, and she didn’t really… she couldn’t let her last words to him be a lie. He would hate that more than anything.
Lucifer’s eyes drifted shut, his iron-clad grip finally starting to loosen, but she was too stunned to move. “Need you to know… love you…”
He mumbled something else she couldn’t make out and let go of her completely. Suddenly she was holding his arm up entirely on her own.
“Lucifer?” She dropped his wrist, tapping his cheek again, more forcefully than before. He didn’t stir. “Lucifer!” she shouted, fear amplifying her voice so that it cut through the chaos around them. No. No, he couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t drop that on her and then check out like that, he couldn’t die here, not after everything—
The medics finally arrived, immediately getting to work on him. Someone took her arm and started to pull her back. “We need room—”
Her brain caught up again and she stood up, stumbling a few paces away. She took one last look at Lucifer before turning around and ducking out of the building, moving faster and faster until she was running, sprinting down the street. She ignored the few people who tried to stop her, barely noticing them, focused solely on putting as much distance between them as possible.
She only stopped when she got to the police barrier a few blocks away, hoping with all her heart that it was far enough. They’d closed off the area around Lux due to the bomb threat. She couldn’t go any further. “Hey, hey—” One of the officers rushed over to her. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Chloe shook her head, gasping for breath. No, she wasn’t okay. Not by a long shot.
Dan found her there twenty minutes later, sitting on the sidewalk and clutching a water bottle the officer had brought her after she’d told him who she was. He hadn’t seemed to know what else to do with her, seeing as how she was physically fine and had said she would wait until someone had time for her. The water didn’t help, but at least it gave her something to hold on to. “I was looking for you everywhere,” Dan said. “Are you okay?”
The answer to that was still a resolute no, but she’d had enough time to calm down a little, and giving him an honest answer would just make things worse. “I’m fine,” she said. “You?”
He nodded. “Everyone’s okay. Lucifer and Marco were the only ones who got hurt.”
She made herself ask. “How is he?”
“They took him to the hospital. I haven’t heard yet.”
She closed her eyes, dropping her head onto her knees. If Lucifer was still alive when they got him out of here, he’d be fine. She was pretty sure.
Dan clasped her shoulder. “He’ll make it. I’m starting to think that guy is unkillable. Unfortunately.”
Chloe lifted her head at that. “Dan.”
“I’m joking. Sort of,” he said under his breath. Then, louder, “Sorry. I guess now’s not the time. I’ll save it for later.”
“Please.” She got to her feet. “I should get back there.”
“What were you doing out here, anyway?”
“Just trying to stay out of the way.” It was sort of the truth.
They started walking towards the mass of people gathered outside Lux. The last thing Chloe felt like doing was her job, but she didn’t have much of a choice.
“I’m sorry, Chloe. I screwed up. I should have made the connection before bringing Leona here, I should have seen that something was wrong when she insisted on going in there…”
Nope. Actually, this was the last thing she felt like doing at the moment. “Save that for later, too, Dan,” she said wearily. “You had no reason not to believe her. It’s over.”
“If anything had happened to you…”
She so, so did not have the energy to deal with Dan’s misplaced guilt. “Later,” she repeated, and joined the crowd of officers on site.
Chloe gave her account of what had happened while they were held hostage and was trying to work up the focus to join in processing the scene when Dan found her again. “We just got a call from the hospital. They said you weren’t picking up your phone.”
“I had to give it to back to Marco. Why? What is it?” She didn’t know why they’d be calling her, unless—
Her alarm must have shown on her face, because he hurriedly said, “It’s nothing serious. You’re listed as Lucifer’s emergency contact.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t realized he’d done that, but it wasn’t exactly surprising. “Okay.”
“Go ahead if you want. We’ll manage without you.”
There was that decision made for her. She’d been debating how long to wait before checking on Lucifer, or if she even should at all.
She tried not to be glad for the excuse, but she was.
Hours later, Chloe was still sitting in the chair next to Lucifer’s hospital bed, watching him sleep, almost in a trance herself. It was that time deep in the middle of the night that was either very late or very early, depending on how you looked at it. The room was quiet, the lights dimmed. She would leave soon. After another minute.
She’d been telling herself that ever since she’d first sat down. Before that, even. When she’d allowed herself to enter his room in the first place, though she’d known she probably shouldn’t have.
Eve had pounced on her immediately after she arrived at the front entrance. “They won’t let me in,” she said. “They said only family is allowed. But they won’t listen to me when I said I basically am his family. Can you get them to listen?”
Chloe sucked in a breath at the words and tried to shake it off. “They won’t make an exception,” she told her. “Trust me, I’ve been there before. Go home, Eve. I’ll let you know if anything happens.” She didn’t wait to see if Eve listened before continuing on to the main desk.
Of course Eve was here. She could follow Lucifer without having to worry that she would hurt him.
A very small, dark part of Chloe was glad that she was allowed in and not Eve.
She talked to a doctor before they let her in to his room. Apparently, they were amazed by how quickly Lucifer had been improving, that it'd looked a lot worse than it was and that he'd probably passed out due to shock. They said the bullet must've been deflected somehow to have caused so little damage. Assuming nothing changed, they would send him home in the morning, after he woke up.
Chloe had thought that would be in no time at all, but here he was, still fast asleep. Then again, unlike the doctors, she was aware that there had been a lot of damage. For all she knew, accelerated healing took a lot out of someone. Hopefully he was just getting some rest.
Her eyes swept over him again, as they’d been doing every so often, usually without her realizing it. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully enough, all traces of pain wiped from his face. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him asleep, but it disarmed her every time. She was so used to him being up and constantly moving, alive and full of energy. Seeing him so vulnerable like this… she couldn’t help feeling protective over him, ridiculous as it was, since her being there was the only reason he would need protecting.
Chloe felt a little guilty for staying and delaying him getting better, but she was unable to leave him all the same. She’d already done it once. Twice in one night was too much for her.
She just needed to see for herself that he was okay. Then she would go.
She justified it by telling herself he shouldn’t completely heal until he was out of the hospital, or there would be questions none of them could answer. A miraculously minor gunshot injury was one thing. Having no wound to speak of the next morning was something else entirely.
Chloe was doing her best not to examine why she couldn’t bring herself to leave, but with nothing else to occupy her thoughts, it was a losing battle. She knew it was more than just because they were—no, used to be—partners. She couldn’t not think of it, or of what he’d told her.
I love you.
He couldn’t have really meant it, could he? He’d thought he was dying, but he’d just been losing consciousness. Probably he’d been delirious, spouting out nonsense as his unconscious brain took over, stringing together random thoughts that he’d never have normally.
Like a dream. Yes, that had to be it.
But the other thing he’d said… about how he was sorry he wasn’t someone she could love… She cringed as she remembered the words. That had been clear as day. It wasn’t something you said while falling asleep. It was something said only when you’d been thinking it over at length.
He truly believed she wouldn’t want to love him, not anymore, not knowing he really was the devil.
It hurt. It shouldn’t have hurt—she had no right to be hurt by it—but it did, all the same.
Chloe buried her face in her hands, wishing for the thousandth time that she could take it all back, that she could travel back in time and do everything differently. She should never have gone to Rome, should never have listened to Kinley. She’d trusted him over Lucifer. Over herself. And because of that, she’d almost done something unforgivable.
She supposed there was no almost about it. She had done something unforgivable, whether she’d gone through with the plan or not. She’d plotted against Lucifer. She’d taken his trust and planned to hurt him with it. She’d been about to do it, and that was what mattered.
That trust was gone now. She didn’t think she could get it back.
She was such a desperate, longing fool to try to convince Lucifer to be partners again. She had no right to ask that of him, either. Of course he didn’t want to be partners anymore. She couldn’t blame him.
I love you.
But despite what she’d done… he’d still said he loved her. And she couldn’t make sense of it.
Maybe if he’d said he had loved her. Once upon a time, in the past. But now? To still love her, after everything? Why would he?
And as for her… trying to figure out Lucifer’s true feelings was difficult enough. Trying to understand her own was nearly impossible.
Because she’d been pretty sure, at one point, that she did love him. She’d certainly felt like she loved him when they’d kissed on that balcony, when she’d wanted to show him that she did choose him, in every way, if only he would get the memo already.
And even before that… It was the reason she’d broken off her engagement. What she’d felt for Marcus—for Cain, she reminded herself, and God, she still hadn’t worked through that yet either—hadn’t been anything close to how she’d felt about Lucifer. She’d tried her best to deny it, to tell herself it didn’t matter, but it was the truth, one she’d known deep down.
And then she’d found out that she’d been about to marry a crime lord, and Lucifer had known all along, and hadn’t bothered to tell her. And before she could confront that, she’d found out the truth about all of it. The devil was real. Her ex-fiancé wasn’t just a crime lord but Cain, the world’s first murderer, who hadn’t outgrown the habit.
Cain had lied to her. Lucifer had left her in the dark.
It’d been too much to process all at once. She’d had no room to think about love when she no longer knew what was real and what was a lie.
She’d mostly sorted it out. She’d wanted to believe Lucifer was good, missteps and all. She’d wanted to believe that the person she’d come to know was the real Lucifer and that it wasn’t all a manipulation. She knew that to be true, now.
But she was still working out exactly how she felt about him. There were so many things she didn’t know about him, so many things he’d kept from her, and she didn’t know how that changed things. If it did at all.
She still cared about him. She wanted to be partners. She wanted to work with him, wanted him in her life. Of that she was sure. But she didn’t know anymore if she was still in love with him.
Asking him to go on a make-up date had been partly from guilt and partly from trying to want a relationship more than because she actually did. She’d been hoping that after spending more time together, those feelings would come back all on their own. Because she wanted to love him. She wanted what they’d been on the cusp of having before everything went to hell. She just needed time to get to know him as he really was first, before jumping into a relationship like he’d hoped for.
Hoped, the past tense being key. Wondering if Lucifer loved her was ultimately pointless, because he had Eve now. It didn’t matter if he loved Chloe. He had someone who accepted him, who could love all parts of him without question. Why would he give that up for her?
She would probably never know if she could do the same, one day. She hadn’t gotten to have that time to spend with him—she never would, now—and it was entirely her fault.
Chloe drew in a long, shuddering breath and let it out. It didn’t help.
“No need to weep for me,” Lucifer said. “I assure you I’m quite all right.”
Her hands dropped back to her lap, her eyes going straight to his. They looked warmly back at her, alight with his usual smile. He didn’t even look drowsy. She wondered just how long he’d been awake. “Lucifer,” she breathed, relief flooding through her. “I’m sorry. I—”
He cut her off, his face pulling into a frown. “Detective? You… are you actually crying?”
“What? No.” She scrubbed at her eyes, and it was only when her fingers came away wet that she realized maybe she had been. “Sorry.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t know what you’re sorry for.” He reached over and caught her hand in his. “Are you all right?”
She laughed a little. “Yes. No. It’s been a long night.”
“Did something happen?”
“You mean besides you getting shot and almost dying? No, everything’s been peachy.”
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad…”
“Yes,” she said sharply, “it was. That was by far the closest I’ve ever seen you come to death.”
“Since I’m fairly certain I wasn’t resurrected this time, that’s actually not true.” Seeing the look on her face, he hastily added, “Never mind.”
She made a note to ask him what the hell that was supposed to mean. When she wasn’t tired out of her mind.
“Detective?”
“Yes?”
“Why am I in my bathrobe?”
“Oh. That. I had Dan bring it along with a change of clothes. You didn’t look right in a hospital gown. And I figured you’d appreciate this more, anyway.”
“Good call. Those gowns are an abomination. Just… please tell me the douche didn’t have the honor of changing me into this?”
Her lips twitched up. “Tempting as it is to say yes, no, he didn’t. I told the nurses you’d heal better if you weren’t in distress over your outfit. You can thank them for it.”
“And you, it seems. Why am I here, anyway? I will concede this is the first time you actually brought me to one of these infernal places because of my own injuries. But didn’t you know I’d get better on my own?” He pressed down on his stomach, over the wound, and barely winced. “Yep. Much better.”
“Why would you—” She stopped and shook her head. “I could have told you that, you idiot. The doctors are very impressed with you.”
“Everyone is impressed with me, Detective. I’m always very impressive, even unconscious.”
She sighed. Yeah, he would be fine. “There was no getting out of it, Lucifer. You were passed out and bleeding all over the place with the police and medics there.”
He huffed. “You couldn’t have come up with some way to get them to leave me alone?”
“No, I couldn’t have, even if I’d wanted to, which I definitely did not. Maybe if you’d let me leave when I tried, you wouldn’t have passed out and could have convinced them yourself, but since you stopped me—”
“What do you mean, I didn’t let you leave?” His brows were furrowed in confusion. “I didn’t try to stop you doing anything.”
Chloe froze, staring at him. “Yes, you did,” she said slowly. “You grabbed me. You wouldn’t let go. You didn’t want me to leave.”
“But—”
“What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked him, already suspecting the answer.
“You jumped on me, and then…” He trailed off. “I thought…”
Her heart was pounding far too hard considering all she was doing was sitting down, talking. “So you don’t… you don’t remember anything you said to me after that?”
“Just something about how lovingly awful it felt.”
Of course he chose that word to describe it. “Lovingly awful… and nothing else? Nothing using the root of that first word, maybe?”
“What on earth are you talking about? Are you sure you’re all right? You should get some sleep, Detective. What time is it, anyway?”
He didn’t remember.
Heat flooded her face, and she turned away, hoping he couldn’t tell how much those words affected her. She’d been right before. It had been nonsense he wasn’t even aware of saying.
Somehow, in the hours she’d been contemplating it, some part of her must have come to believe he’d meant it. She knew that must be the case, because realizing he didn’t love her after all—it hurt. That shouldn’t have hurt, either, but here she was, an ache building in her chest.
She couldn’t tell him what he’d said now. It would put him in the worst sort of position, having to refute it, to explain how he could have lied when he never lied. And hearing him outright deny it to her face—she didn’t think she could bear it.
That was it, then. He didn’t love her, and he’d made it perfectly clear that after they solved this case, they were no longer partners, either. He was done with her. And she needed to accept that.
Chloe stood up. After hours of being unable to leave, suddenly she couldn’t get out of there fast enough. She wasn’t the sort to get clingy or demand more from someone than they wanted to give. It was probably just because she was exhausted, her emotions running unchecked. Lucifer was right. She needed to sleep.
In the morning, she wouldn’t feel so bad. She’d wrap up this case and be done with it all. She would move on with her life, because she didn’t have any other choice.
“It’s late enough,” she said. “Do me a favor and stay here until they release you in the morning, okay?”
Lucifer studied her, nodding slowly. Something must have shown on her face, because he sat up a little and asked, “Did I do something wrong?”
Why couldn’t he keep being oblivious? Of all the times to pay close attention to her… “No. I should just be getting home. I didn’t mean to stay so long.” She gestured to his stomach, to the wound hidden beneath bandages and blankets. “I’m sorry for staying and making it worse.”
“Is that what you’ve been apologizing for?” He waved his hand, unconcerned. “Don’t be sorry, Detective. It’s okay. I don’t… I don’t mind you being near me, you know.”
For some reason, that just made the ache in her chest even worse. She didn’t know what to say to that, so she dipped her chin in acknowledgement and moved toward the door.
“Wait,” he said.
She paused without turning to look at him again.
“About… about this being our last case. I—”
Goddamn it. She already knew. She couldn’t handle talking about this on top of everything else. “It’s definitely solved now,” she said, cutting him off before he could say anything else about it. The absolute last thing she wanted to deal with tonight was hearing Lucifer go on about closure again. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to help with the paperwork.” She took another step toward the door, hoping he’d finally let her go.
“Detective?” he said. “Why are you acting so strange?”
Of course not.
Fine. They might as well get this over with. A last goodbye.
Chloe forced herself to turn around, pasting a smile on her face. She could barely make out his face through the tears starting to blur her vision, and tried her best to blink them away, determined not to let them fall. “Thank you, Lucifer. You were the best partner I could have asked for. I wish you only the best in whatever you do now. Lux, of course, right. I’m sure it’ll only get better now that it has your full attention—”
“Detective,” he said again, gently this time.
“Yes?” she said, still with that forced smile on her face.
“I was going to say that maybe it shouldn’t be.”
“What?” Her smile finally faded. Probably for the best. She was pretty sure it’d been looking more like a grimace, anyway.
“Maybe it shouldn’t be our last case. Your solve rate will plummet without me. It would be truly unfortunate for me to do such a disservice to the city of LA. And, I mean, where else am I going to find excitement like that? I can’t have you getting into near-death situations without me.”
“Stop joking about it,” she said, exasperated. Hope was creeping in on her despite her best attempts not to let it. “You really actually almost died.”
“But I didn’t, and that’s what counts,” he said, almost cheerfully. “So, what do you say? Can you put up with me for a while longer?”
“Are you sure? What about closure?” She searched his gaze, looking for what, she didn’t know.
“Of course, I’m sure. What’s the point of closure, anyway, if something doesn’t have to end? I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe not bright and early, since I will definitely need a proper shower after being forced to endure this place, but after that.”
Another wave of relief swept through her, just as strong as the first. A laugh bubbled up almost on its own, her emotions still running unchecked, but at least this was a good one to have. “You took a bullet to the stomach tonight, Lucifer. Take a day off.”
“One day, then. Try not to miss me too much.” He gave her a small smile.
She matched it with her own, a real one this time. “I think I can manage.”
One day without him, that was fine. Having him never be a part of her life again—that was what she’d truly been dreading.
And now, she was finally starting to let herself believe that wouldn’t happen. Love or not, she just wanted him around. And it seemed… it seemed he wanted that, too. Starting as partners again was the best thing she’d heard all night.
They could sort through the rest later.