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Jane lowered herself carefully down to place the platter into the dishwasher, ensuring she was using her legs and not her back. Julio carried another load of plates from the living room.
“Do you think they’ll stay much longer?”
“Depends on if they’re in the mood to denounce our reproductive choices, or if they just want out of our ‘boxy little semi.’” Jane grumbled. “Next year let’s go to theirs for Tori’s birthday lunch. At least then we can leave when we’ve had enough.”
“Next year we’ll have two naptimes to work around.” Julio stepped close, pressing his front to Jane’s back, running his hands around her sides to caress the bump under her tunic. “It might not seem feasible.”
“It has to be better than ‘Jane, did you forget to tidy up? Oh, that’s an interesting choice of picture for the hallway. Do you really need so many bedrooms, you barely have time to keep the house clean as it is? Julio doesn’t want to come home and have to cook as well, not when you’re home all day. Jane, are you going to be okay with two little ones? I don’t know what you were thinking having another so close together,’”
Julio chuckled. “Somehow I don’t think telling them the timing wasn’t planned would help.”
“Don’t you dare.” Jane turned on him. “We always planned on two, that’s all they need to know. Fate just moved up the timeline.”
“Fate and my fathers heavy hand with the Sangria” Julio cheeked. “But no, I won't tell them about our glorious night of freedom.”
“They’d just take it as a slight. Of course there is no reason for your parents to offer to babysit other than to make them look bad in comparison.” Jane rolled her eyes. “They can’t conceive of grandparents actually wanting to be around their grandchildren rather than just using them for photo-ops.”
Julio smirked. “Careful sweetie, your resentment is showing.” he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Save it until they’re gone. Then we can snark to your heart’s content.”
“I’m going to go rescue Tori. My father will have stuffed her full of cake and Mother will want to tut disapprovingly at me for letting it happen. As if I didn’t tell him not to.”
“And if she didn’t encourage him.” Julio agreed. “I can go if you want to hide out here a bit.”
“No. That would get some additional pointed remarks about hiding from my guests.”
“Family aren’t guests. Not proper guests. They shouldn’t stand on ceremony”
“Your family aren’t. But you actually like your family.”
“Jane? Jane. Oh there you are. I thought you had forgotten you had guests.” Jane met Julio’s eyes and bit her lips to prevent her saying something she would regret later.
“Not at all Mother, I was just loading the dishwasher, it doesn’t do to let these things sit”
“Quite right darling, what would people think? But that heavy platter, you shouldn’t be doing that in your condition, not when you have barely popped out the last one.”
Jane made a face and mimed stabbing her mother in the back when she turned to return to the living room. Julio suppressed a giggle then gave her a sympathetic look. Jane breathed deeply in and out, before bracing herself and following. They would surely go home soon, then she could enjoy what was left of her daughter's first birthday in peace.
Pain.
Jane could feel pain.
She breathed in and catalogued it.
She couldn’t move her leg. Her arm was heavy. Opening her eyes took effort.
She could see a ceiling above her. Metal strips supporting textured panels. She tried to turn her head, but white hot pain stabbed at the base of her skull. The hand that felt normal could move, it was okay to move. She crossed it over to find the heavy arm encased in a cast. A cast. What was she doing with a cast? Wait, how was she able to reach across? She hadn’t been able to do that lying on her back for over a month, not since a week before Tori’s birthday.
She was on her back. No. No. That would put pressure on the vena cava, the baby would…The Baby!
Where was the baby? It was too early. Where was her baby?
There was a clink of a cup being hurriedly placed on a surface, then Julio was hovering over her, his hand in her good one.
“Jane. Jane. It’s okay. You’re okay. You were in a car accident. Tori is fine. Daycare rang me when you missed pick-up. She’s fine, I promise. Antonio and Jules came to stay for a few days, she’s with them and Clara at our place.” Julio paused to make sure she was calming down. “I just stepped out to get a cup of tea.”
“The baby?”
“He’s okay. He’s little, but he’s gonna be okay.”
“He?”
“Yeah. We have a son.” Julio smiled down at her.
A son. Love flooded through her. Ha! take that Father! I’m perfectly capable of producing an heir, not that Julio cared either way. They had a daughter and now a son. Life was good, so good, but it was so early. He wasn’t due till July.
“The doctors did an emergency C-section to get him out. He’s in the NICU, I’ll go find a nurse and a wheelchair and we can go see him.”
“He’s in the NICU?”
“He’s small. He’s got all the right bits where they should be, he’s perfectly formed. Just small,” Julio reassured. “Will you be okay if I go find the nurse? Or we could push the buzzer.”
“Which is faster? I want to see him.”
“I thought so. I’ll go find someone. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Jane watched Julio go. A son. A son in NICU. As fast as the love for him had overtaken her it was quickly followed by worry. Babies were meant to cook for nine months, not seven. What if he didn’t gain weight? What if he didn’t eat? Her hands moved instinctively to her chest. She winced at the movement of the one in the cast, but still prodded at her breasts. They didn’t feel any different. They didn’t feel like her milk was going to come in. How was she going to feed him? She didn’t grow him inside long enough and she wasn’t going to be able to feed him and Tori was left alone and her milk had dried up when she got pregnant and Tori had to take formula and her parents were right she was a terrible mother and having two babies so close together was madness and….
Julio returned with a wheelchair and wrapped his arms around her. She pressed her face into his shoulder sobbing quietly, muttering all her worries into his chest.
“Come on. Come meet our son. He’s perfect, I promise.” Julio helped her across to the wheelchair and draped a blanket over her for the trip through the corridor. “The NICU is close to maternity. I asked, you’ll be transferred there in a day or two once they know your injuries don’t have complications.”
Julio pressed the button and waved at the duty nurse through the window.
Jane was wheeled into a nursery with three babies in perspex cribs, each hooked up to monitoring devices. The nurse at a desk in the corner looked up and smiled in recognition at Julio, nodded welcomingly at Jane, before getting up and opening the top of the crib to lift out a bundle.
“I’ll be in the corner if you, or Baby Spring, need anything.” Jane heard her say, but she was too focussed on the tiny baby in her arms.
Jane tossed and turned. It was awful being home when Baby Charlie was still in hospital. The bed was soft and inviting. The room was darker and quieter. Julio was a comforting warmth on the other side of the bed. The last time she had slept in this bed she had been in the final trimester of pregnancy. She wasn’t meant to be here with a manoeuvrable belly, without a small snuffling baby in the cot at the foot of the bed.
The doctors said Charlie would have to stay in hospital until he gained enough weight and was able to maintain his own body temperature, steadily and for twenty-four hours.
Julio shifted in the bed, rolling over with one arm outstretched. On finding Jane sitting up rather than lying down he stirred. “Are you okay?”
“It’s weird being home without him.”
Julio pushed himself up. “He’s in good hands.”
“But they’re not my, our hands.” Jane blurted. “And even if they were, we thought everything was fine but then I crashed and he came early. What if something goes wrong again and we’re not there?”
“I know, but he’ll be home soon enough, and we’ll have our family all together.” He took her hands in his. “Everything will be fine.” He pulled her close and lay down with her cushioned in his arms. “Everything will be fine.”
Jane sat in the back of the car next to the baby capsule, Antonio in the driver’s seat taking every corner very carefully, mindful of his sister-in-law’s worries. The last time Baby Charlie had been in a car, he had been in an accident that resulted in his early birth. Jane was terrified.
She smoothed down the blanket covering a sleeping Charlie. At three months old he was finally coming home. He’d taken a lot longer to put on weight than the doctors had wanted, then an irresponsible visitor had given him a cold resulting in an extra few weeks, just to be on the safe side, but today it was a new month, a new start for them. Today Charlie was finally coming home and they would be a proper family again; no more Tori spending half her time with her Aunty Jules and cousin. They had been a fantastic support while they had been juggling a child at home and a child in hospital, but Jane had a sinking feeling in her stomach. She felt indebted to them. Julio said they were happy to help, and that’s what families do but part of her was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s not how experience had taught her that family worked.
“How’s the wee man doing?” Antonio broke the silence.
“He’s fast asleep.”
“Lucky he’s a good traveller. We couldn’t take Clara anywhere for months without her screaming the car down. Though it turned out half of that was her nappy digging into her tummy from the angle of the seat. You’ll have that all figured out by now though: Little Charlie’s not your first rodeo.”
“Ah, yes. Of course.” Jane verbally agreed, but it all felt new. Tori had been a healthy full-term baby. Jane felt completely unprepared. Charlie had been so small, and had taken so long to put on weight. She’d been helpless to fix it.
“Nearly there.” Antonio announced, as he turned into Britannia Road, pulling up a few houses down from theirs.
Jules must have been watching out the window because she came out before they could open the door.
“Oh isn’t he darling. I’d love to stay and have a cuddle, but I think you’ll be wanting some quiet family time.” She eyeballed Jane carefully. Jane couldn’t think of anything nicer, but it would be rude to say so and followed Jules inside, Charlie’s seat in front of her.
“Ant, grab Clara’s bag, I’ll get her. Jane, there’s tea in the pot, I made it fresh when Ant called to say you were on the way. Tori is napping in her room, she’s been down about —ooo an hour, Julio is napping on the sofa, I thought it better to let him sleep until you got back.” Jules paused, and lay a hand on Jane’s arm. “You let us know if you need anything. Anything . Someone to go for a walk with you, Someone to stay with Tori in the night because Charlie rolled over funny and it has you worried. You call us. Understood.”
Jane nodded weakly, then with a final hustle Antonio, Jules, and Clara were gone. The house was quiet. Charlie was still sleeping soundly. Jane poured a cup of tea and sat at the table watching him until there was a shuffle behind her.
“You’re home. Where are —?”
“They left immediately. Jules said she thought we’d want time, just the four of us. Tea?”
A cry came down the stairs. “I’ll get Tori.” Julio dropped a kiss to her temple, then paused to coo over his son before heading up to get his daughter.
Charlie started to fuss and Jane settled on the sofa to feed. She had a bottle ready at her side for when her milk was insufficient to his hunger. She hoped that now Charlie was home she could build her milk supply up. She had felt so much like a failure when she hadn’t had enough milk for Tori, and had hoped through her pregnancy that things would be different this time. She wouldn’t fail this child.
“Mama?”
Tori was sucking her thumb, her head resting on Julio’s shoulder.
“Swap?”
Jane nodded, handing Charlie to Julio as he deposited Tori on the sofa next to her.
“How are you my darling?”
Tori snuggled into her mother’s lap, her wide eyes on Charlie. Julio sat next to them.
“Do you want to cuddle him? Your little brother.”
“Bay-bee”
“Yes, baby Charlie.” Julio confirmed. “You and Charlie will look out for each other.”
Jane left Julio holding Tori holding Charlie and popped out to the loo, bringing fresh cups of tea through for both her and Julio on her return. She stood in the doorway watching him with their children. Tori had scrambled over his leg and was looking down at her little brother. Jane smiled at the sight.
In that moment she didn’t want to think about how Charlie had a small hole in the heart that needed monitoring; how as a pre-term birth he was at higher risks of all sorts of things, like depression and anxiety, of heart and lung problems, of just about every chronic problem you could think of. That all those risks felt like her fault for not driving more carefully.
In this moment she was happy.
Jane placed one mug down on the end table next to Julio and hers at the other end of the sofa, slipping in behind Tori.
She’d left her friend and taken a random train to a random town.
She’d met Julio in that funny little town.
She’d tracked him down at university.
Jane reached a hand out to rest on Julio’s arm. He looked up at her and smiled.
They’d spent hours and weeks and months travelling back and forth, writing letters to each other until they had both graduated.
They’d married. The ceremony was the frothy pomp of her mother’s dreams. About the only thing Jane had chosen for herself was the groom. It was the only thing she had really cared about.
Together they’d started a family, had one child.
And then there were two.
