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Newly dubbed Agent Three groaned as they opened their eyes, their smallfry happily running laps now that they were awake. Slowly, they righted themselves onto their knees, and took a good look around.
Oh, great. Snow everywhere and the fuzzy ooze had multiplied tenfold. Everything was surrounded by water, but when they squinted at the horizon, it rippled strangely. They ran their fingers through the snow, cold to the touch, but it didn't even begin to melt in their hands. Three squished it between their fingers: nothing. The chill across their body brought their attention to their severe lack of clothing.
So much for that new gear they'd gotten from that weird old man. They wouldn't lie and say that the cut off and cropped style wasn't cool, it's just that the air was colder. Smallfry gargled, finishing a lap by hopping into their lap. With a grin, thankful that their friend hadn't been hurt, they lifted the slimy little fish so he could crawl into the satchel on their back. At least he was warm.
Three slowly planted their feet into the snow, and hesitantly moved away from the thin peninsula towards the large orange..... thing not too far away. Oh, and the three cephalopods waiting beneath it.
What.
Caution doubling, they reached for their Hero Shot from hammerspace, but the three figures spotted them too quickly.
"Helloooooo!" A cheery voice called. "Hey! Agent 3, over here!" Three couldn't decide if them knowing their new title was good or not, but the agent was standing right in front of them now, and--
Were those the Squid Sisters?
The inkling's mouth worked to wonder why in the shell Callie, Marie, and some mystery inkling were just waiting for them, but Callie was quicker to the punch. "Whew! I'm so glad you're alright," she grinned widely, then faltered slightly. "You... are Agent Three, right? Gramps fully enlisted you and your Smallfry?"
Three nodded automatically, even though they hadn't processed the question the whole way.
"Yeah, I knew it. I see the look in your eyes that he's always looking for." The Squid Sisters were related to that old geezer? They wondered how such creative squids were related to a vaguely racist military veteran.Callie continued without any further input, "Well, it's nice to meet you! I guess we should introduce ourselves...
"I'm Agent One of the New Squidbeak Splatoon!"
Marie waved a hand, "Hey, I'm Agent Two," she said, with less fanfare than her cousin.
With that unfaltering Callie smile, "C'mon, Agent Two. Get pumped! Anyway, one last crew member to introduce... This is our captain!" The mystery inkling gave Three a lazy peace sign with a quirk of their lips. "We're... the New New Squidbeak Splatoon!"
All three struck a pose, as if practiced.
Agent Three was silent, still about a minute behind their peppy intros. So the Squid Sisters were also military personnel? Was their music career a side-gig? Or the other way around? Which was weirder? The New New Squidbeak Splatoon stared at them, still posed, waiting for a reaction. It did not come. Wind whistled by.
Decidedly realizing that Three was not as starstruck as they had imagined, Marie cleared her throat. "...Anyway, it looks like you and Gramps got separated in that fall. This place is huge, and it's filled with that horrible fuzzy ooze stuff. And now we have to find Gramps before he, like, tastes it or something." There was not a hint of sarcasm or jest in the inkling's tone. Three wondered if they accepted a job from some guy with one tentacle in the grave.
Callie ignored these pressing implications, "Aww, you make it sound like it's not gonna be fun!" A pause. "...But seriously, please help us look for Gramps."
Three seriously wondered what they had been thinking following some weirdo peeking out of a sewer grate. They should have gone and played an illegal Turf match in some MakoMart. Or better yet, stayed in school. Maybe they taught you how to not get yourself into a sketchy, probably undocumented military gig. If they went to jail for cephalocide or some form of fraud, would they take away their Smallfry?
While they were wondering how to outrun the law in the desert, they missed Callie's prompt for an answer: "So, uh..."
Marie made the decision for them, "Oh, they're in. Probably just too excited about looking for someone else's grandpa to speak." Three supposed she wasn't a hundred percent wrong about being speechless. "So Gramps reeled in a new Agent Three... Glad to have you!"
While the Splatoon hit another pose, Three reeled at the funny little keyword "new". Oh Cod, they were sooo going to jail for impersonation or something.
Knowing that Three wasn't a huge talker, Marie got straight down to business. Shoving a chunky tablet-thing into their hands, she began to detail the functions, the fact that this place was called Alterna, the tracking device she apparently has on her grandfather. Callie helpfully informed that just about all the gear they'd gotten from the guy was about a strong gust of wind away from completely busted, which Three already knew.
Oh, and the massive clam-shucking rocket in the middle of it all.
After the rundown, Agent Three was left alone to explore what wasn't coated in the hairy ooze. It sort of made them gag. At least Smallfry wasn't fazed by it. In fact, after shooting at a couple anchors attached to seemingly nothing and getting rewarded with about a hundred power eggs each, the little salmonoid got a special buff. And it gave him the power to eat every last drop of a big puddle of ooze.
Three stared at Little Buddy, sort of baffled he hadn't keeled over from overstuffing himself. He just chirped and let his tongue lull out of his mouth before racing off towards one of the kettles in the ground.
Three hours later, and a cleared path to a pipe grate, they flopped over onto the ground with a grunt. They should've tried harder at gym class. Smallfry skidded over to them, fins wagging, and nudged at their face. Knowing they were a ways away from the Squid Sisters and Captain, who spoke less than even them, they grinned at the fish.
"Nothin' tires you out, huh?" They gently scratched at the base of his tail through his messily made overalls and was given a pleased gargle and a push into their neck in return. "What're your thoughts on the New New Squidbeak Splatoon?" Salmonoids weren't huge talkers, and they only understood little, so it worked out just fine for the two. The fish was silent, like he was wracking his tiny brain for the words, and trilled something that Three roughly translated to "hope".
The agent hummed in thought. "Think you're the only one, lil guy. I'm startin' to lose some hope in the Squid Sisters, especially if they inherited their grandpa's social skills," they joked. You have to be pretty tone deaf to still be crazy about the octoling species after they were incorporated into society a whole four years ago.
The pair were silent for a moment. Then Smallfry began to gargle a short snippet of the infamous Calamari Inkantation. Three snorted, not unkindly, finally getting up. "Yeah, yeah. You're biased, dude." They lifted their friend onto their shoulder. "Oughta get ya a sign that says Number One Squid Sisters Fan."
He made no comment on the title. As they leisurely started towards the pipe, following the tablet's indication of Gramp's tracker, Three remarked, "Ya know, I hope they've got something other than power eggs and canned specials down here. What's an inkling without a Deep-Fried Schwaffle every now and--"
From the opposite side of the island, there was a shout, one that was not like their new companions. A sense of dread settled upon Agent Three's shoulders. They had a feeling they were never gonna catch a damn break around here.
Another peppy introduction and several threats from a couple of bandits (that definitely weren't Splatsville's news anchors and idols Deep Cut) later, Agent Three realized this wasn't gonna be a quick affair. Two idol groups, six sites, weird fuzzy rocket, weird missing grandpa, and a clownfish in a fucking anenome. Cool. Why not just get Off The Hook down here? Really complete the party.
It would be sorta rude to interrupt their honeymoon, though.
Three felt an eye twitch coming on. The urge to yank out their tentacles was also pretty pressing. They just wanted some cash from Turf, rent an apartment that was salmonoid friendly, and mind their own business. And if they pulled a couple illegal stunts along the way, it wouldn't hurt anybody. Splatsville was pretty straightforward about "no questions asked". Guess that's why Deep Cut had their idol career as a side job and treasure hunted for the real pay.
Standing before the pipe grate again, they sighed, and decided the anger wasn't really worth it. They looked at their smallfry in their palms, snatched up defensively after Frye had whacked him in the head with her mask, and quirked an eyebrow. "Not so crazy about idols anymore now, are ya? Got even less brains now than before. No offense."
Smallfry blinked in indifference, mouth going slack to let his tongue lull out again.
"See, this is why I hang out with you," Three let him scamper up their arm and into their pack, then relented, "besides the obvious, of course. You're a simple guy. No secret military identities or bandit business with you." They morphed into squid form and let themselves be sucked into the long pipe.