Chapter Text
Immediately after Blasius walked out of the Memorial, it started raining. He sighed and silently cursed his bad luck. He had, of course, not thought about bringing an umbrella. The rain was coming down harder by the second, and Blasius would be inevitably soaked the moment he stepped out from under the awning. And here he had thought that this week couldn’t get any worse. Earlier, he had made a whole shelf of books fall on the floor of the Memorial, right before closing time, and had to rush to clean everything up. An hour before, he had attended a ceremony at the Good Family where Eulalia’s company of Forerunners was going to receive their grades, and Eulalia hadn’t passed, which he was sure he had a part in, since they had talked a lot during periods when she was supposed to be studying. And on top of that, a few days earlier, he had dinner with his parents that ended in disaster after he broke two plates and a fight broke out, forcing him to leave. This unexpected rainstorm was just the cherry on top.
With another resigned sigh, Blasius stepped out from under the awning. Instead of a wall of rain, he was met with a familiar face looking down at him, and an umbrella over his head.
Wolf.
Blasius staggered back, his mouth agape, choking on words that he didn’t know how to say. Wolf had an apologetic look on his face, his gaze not quite meeting Blasius’s.
“Can we talk?” He asked.
Talk? All Blasius had wanted for the past years was to talk to Wolf. He had stayed away out of fear, fear that Wolf would be mad and fear that he would cause another accident. And now, after years of silence and loneliness, now, Wolf wanted to talk? Blasius almost wanted to yell in his face that he had been fine without him and for Wolf to leave him alone, but he knew that would be wrong.
“Fine.” He responded, looking down at his shoes and tightening his grip on his bag. “Where do we go?”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to go to my place, but wherever you want.”
“We can go to your place.”
They started walking together in silence. Blasius was embarrassed that he still had the route to Wolf’s house memorized, down to the number of the bus route and how many stops he had to wait before getting off. They avoided each others’ eyes the entire way, the way they had when they were still together. Blasius had so many words that he wanted to say, so many emotions he wanted to feel, but he forced himself to wait. For all he knew, Wolf may just be wanting to talk to him to break their relationship off completely and tell him that he had found someone else. His chest tightened at that thought. In his heart, Blasius was still in love with Wolf. He was still “the man in his life”, whatever that meant. And he was certain he couldn’t feel that way for anyone else. He couldn’t say the same about Wolf. He couldn’t tell what he was feeling, and didn’t want to turn his head to glance at him, probably just to be met with an emotionless face, as always. Wolf masked his emotions well. Much better than Blasius ever could.
Wolf and Blasius got off at their stop after what felt like an eternity. It was pouring in the Powerless quarters, even harder than it had been near the memorial. Miraculously, their umbrella didn’t break, and nothing too unlucky happened on their walk.
When they walked into Wolf’s apartment, Blasius sneezed. There was a layer of dust on everything, the place was a mess. The objects seemed to shuffle around, trying to hide from the visitor, but stopping when they noticed that Wolf seemed unafraid of him. Wolf took his time putting the umbrella away and drying it off, and Blasius just stood in the middle of the room, holding onto his bag, not knowing where to go, what to do. When Wolf finally turned around, their eyes met for the first time.
”Do you… want to sit down?” Wolf asked tentatively, gesturing towards the beat-up couch behind Blasius. Blasius obliged, not knowing what else to do.
”What is it you want to talk to me about?” Blasius asked. He thought that he could sound confident, he was wrong. His voice cracked the moment he had started his sentence, letting his emotions and anxiety transpire through his voice against his will.
Wolf sat down on the other end of the couch, looking around the room nervously, as if expecting someone to jump out from behind the table. Blasius winced when he noticed Wolf’s neck brace.
”Would you…would you like some tea?” Wolf asked again, visibly trying to delay the conversation.
”You wanted to talk to me.” Blasius reminded him, his voice more stable this time.
”Right.” Wolf looked down at his hands, avoiding his gaze. “Er… I don't really know how to start other than by saying that I didn’t mean to leave you so abruptly all that time ago. I was just afraid.”
There it was. Wolf confirmed his suspicions that this entire situation was in fact his fault. It was his bad luck that had split them up.
”Sorry, I need to rephrase that. I mean, I was afraid for you.” Blasius’s guts flipped over in his stomach. What? “I have to explain what happened first.” Wolf paused expectantly, seemingly waiting for Blasius to say something. Blasius stayed quiet.
”You know I stole that book. From the memorial. The one by that anonymous author.”
”E.D.” Blasius remembered.
”Yes. When I brought it home, I felt terribly guilty. I even thought of sending a letter to Sir Henry explaining how Miss Silence was burning books and admitting to my crime. But I didn’t. I made a mistake.”
Wolf was looking into the distance, not quite at Blasius. His eyes looked haunted, like his soul was dead behind them. Blasius was frozen, he didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to ask any questions.
“I read the book. With my hands.” He continued. “That may have been the worst decision in my life. My suspicions about the book were not only disproven, but I discovered things… things I never would’ve guessed would be true.” Wolf sucked in a shaky breath. “When I finished reading it… I was attacked.”
Blasius didn’t know what to say. “I… who? Who attacked you?”
”He… It was like the impersonation of fear. He didn’t even need to attack me, his sole presence was enough to…” Wolf stopped short, suddenly meeting Blasius’s gaze. “It doesn’t matter. The bottom line is, I knew that if that… thing had stalked me, it would’ve eventually gotten to you. And with your luck… I didn’t know if you would survive that. I don’t even know how I did. Miss Silence didn’t, and neither did the Fearless-and-almost-Blameless.”
Blasius had no words. He could only stare at Wolf.
”I didn’t mean to hurt you or to make you feel alone.” Wolf continued. “I didn’t want to think about you-about us. I knew that I would want to come back to you if I did, and that it would be dangerous. But now… I suppose it was unfair to leave you without an explanation to why I left you. I should’ve talked to you the moment it happened, I should’ve warned you. I apologize.”
Blasius stared at him, emotions constricting his throat and making it hard to breathe. Wolf seemed to be silently pleading him for an answer, for him to forgive him, but he couldn’t talk. If he talked, he wouldn’t be able to stop his emotions from coming out.
”I… I’m…” Blasius couldn’t finish his sentence before breaking out into uncontrollable sobs.
Wolf looked taken aback by how emotional Blasius was. Blasius covered his face with his hands and muffled his crying in his palms. Wolf moved closer to him.
”May I?” He asked. Blasius nodded shakily, still crying. Wolf reached an arm around him. Blasius rested his head on Wolf’s shoulder.
”This entire time.” Blasius choked on his words in between sobs. “This entire time I thought you had left me because you thought my bad luck had rubbed off on you and caused your ‘accident’. I blamed myself this entire time. Couldn’t you have talked to me earlier?” Blasius’s crying became angrier. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You know very well that I blame myself for every little problem. Did you not think that I would do the same in this situation?”
”I’m sorry. I should’ve thought. I really should have. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”
”Well congratulations! You failed miserably!” Blasius stood up abruptly and grabbed his bag. “It feels like you don’t know me at all. How could you not have figured I would blame myself? We’ve known each other for years, Wolf! I never would’ve done something like that to you!”
”I wasn’t thinking straight, I’m really, truly sorry.” Wolf pleaded. “Please understand I only wanted you to stay safe.”
”You really think whoever attacked you would go after me?” Blasius asked sarcastically. “I’m just a clerk at the Memorial. I don’t do risky research, I don’t burn books, I’m not first in line for the Aspirant spot in the Good Family. I’m not a criminal who directly goes against LUX with every word he says. What could anyone possibly have against me?” His voice got louder, angrier. He wanted answers. He wanted to know precisely why Wolf had not sat and thought for a moment about how he realistically would react to his actions.
”You want to know what I saw when that thing attacked me?” Wolf stood up in front of him, looking at him straight in the eye. “I saw all of my biggest fears, right in front of me. And I can confidently say that the one thing that affected them most was you. You were in all of them, you were either hurt or dying. To me those fears were real. And I realized that if you ever got hurt, I would never forgive myself. So please, I am begging you, please forgive me for putting your physical well being over your emotions, because I assure you I meant no wrong. I may have been selfish in refusing to see you and refusing to tell you my reasoning, but I swear, on everything that I hold dear, that the last thing I meant to do was harm you.” Wolf grabbed Blasius’s hands. “Please. Please tell me you understand. I won’t be able to live with myself if you don’t understand.” Wolf’s emotionless mask was slipping, Blasius could tell. He seemed on the brink of tears, sincerely begging Blasius for forgiveness. And Blasius didn’t know how to respond. He nodded, clenching his jaw to stop another sob from escaping his throat.
Wolf pulled Blasius into a tight hug. It felt like everything was going to get back to normal. They were going to be happy together again.
Suddenly, the radio beeped, an urgent message coming through. They stopped to listen.
”An… An urgent message to the residents of Babel… it seems like there was a landslide…” the radio cut out for a few seconds, leaving only static. It came back again: “…neighborhood. The entirety of it has… has disappeared into the abyss.”