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After the weekly family movie night in the Dean Cave, everyone retired to their bedrooms to get some much needed sleep. Castiel, though, only went to ‘’his’’ room (as Dean keeps insisting, since ‘’it’s your home too, Cas’’) to get something to read. He doesn’t spend much time there. It doesn’t really feel like… ‘’his’’.
Sure, it’s a place where he can take off his boots and the trenchcoat and get comfortable on the bed or by the desk and read a book or play a game on his phone. There’s even a potted plant on the desk that Jack bought him and together they put a spell on it so it wouldn't wither without sunlight.
But apart from the coat and the little plant (and the mixtape in his bedside drawer), Cas doesn’t have many possessions. In case…
Well. He doesn’t want to overstay his welcome.
But as long as he’s of use, maybe he doesn’t have to worry about that. At least for a little while. He hopes.
That’s how he finds himself slowly wandering the halls, listening, making sure everyone in the bunker is alright, just like he does every night. He hears Jack’s slow heartbeat, Eileen’s even breaths and Sam’s quiet snores, but nothing in Dean’s bedroom, which makes him frown.
But the anxiety doesn’t last long, as he continues down the hallway and realizes the older hunter is just taking a shower in the bunker’s bathroom.
Now that the angel is sure his family is peacefully asleep and safe, he makes himself a quick cup of tea in the kitchen, where he finally settles and starts reading.
Ten pages later he hears the bathroom door open and close, Dean dragging his feet in the hallway to his bedroom. Cas sets the catalog down, closes his eyes and concentrates on the sound of Dean’s steps, his heartbeat. He hears when the hunter finally gets inside his bedroom and gets ready to bed, but stops. A moment of complete silence, which makes Cas frown, wondering if he should go and check if Dean is okay.
But before he makes a decision Dean starts shuffling again and mumbles something Cas doesn’t quite understand, then there’s an annoyed grunt and Dean’s bedroom door opens. The man seems to storm out of his room and he stops dead in his tracks in the kitchen entrance, noticing Castiel sitting there, looking at him with concern. He’s wearing a gray, worn out AC/DC t-shirt, pajama pants with hot-dogs and slippers. His hair is still wet. He looks soft.
‘’Is everything alright?’’ Cas asks.
Dean opens his mouth a few times, clearly looking for a good lie, which makes Castiel raise a brow at him, seeing right through Dean’s bullshit before it even begins. That in turn makes Dean's ears start getting a little red before he finally steps inside the kitchen and sits ungracefully in the seat across from Castiel.
‘’It’s fine, just can’t sleep,’’ Dean replies, avoiding Cas’s eyes, which of course makes the angel’s frown deeper, but before he can ask another question, Dean quickly snags his cup, brings it to his lips and asks, ‘’whatcha readin’? Oh, that’s not coffee.’’
‘’It’s tea. I added a bit of honey.’’
‘’Hm, it’s not half bad.’’ The man takes another sip and puts it back in front of the angel, but Cas smiles at him and pushes it back toward him, which earns him a small smile. Dean accepts the warm cup and closes his eyes. ‘’Thanks. So… whatcha reading?’’
‘’Oh, um.’’ Cas looks at the forgotten catalog and shows the man the cover.
‘’Pottery Barn catalog? Really, Cas?’’ Dean chuckles.
‘’I actually find it very soothing,’’ the angel answers defensively.
Dean raises his arms a little in mock surrender, the warm smile still on his lips.
‘’Whatever floats your boat, man. Don’t let me stop you,’’ he points at the paper.
They settle in comfortable silence. Castiel continues reading and Dean sips his tea, eyes closed.
After a while, the man’s head starts dropping, like he tries really hard not to fall asleep at the table and Cas can’t help but look at him in concern again.
‘’Dean, you should go to bed.’'
‘’No, no,’’ he shakes his head. ‘’I’m not even-’’ yawn ‘’tired.’’
Castiel gives him a flat look. He sets the catalog aside.
‘’Dean, what’s wrong?’’
The man looks down at his fidgeting hands on top of the table and says nothing.
‘’Dean?’’ Cas starts getting really worried and tries to catch the man’s eyes, but Dean looks away.
‘’It’s nothing, just…’’ The tips of his ears are going red again and for a second Cas is amazed by the reaction. ‘’There’s a spider in my room,’’ he finishes very quickly and looks away again, embarrassed.
‘’A spider?’’ Dean’s face reddens.
‘’Yes, Cas. A spider. On my bed frame. So I left.’’
‘’Why?’’ The angel asks, confused. Is that really it?
Dean takes the empty cup in his hands again, for he has nothing else to do with his hands.
‘’I don’t like spiders,’’ he mumbles under his breath.
‘’Why?’’
‘’Because-!’’ He snaps at first, but he’s clearly too tired to be embarrassed and frustrated about this any longer, his shoulders slump. ‘’I don’t know. They’re hairy and disgusting and so small you can barely see them. And they have so many legs and eyes. So many eyes.’’ He shudders. Then he starts laughing a little. ‘’I kill monsters for a living and I’m scared of fucking spiders.’’ His laugh gets a little hysterical and he hides his face in his hands. ‘’God, I’m so tired.’’
Cas looks at him for a moment, stunned. He never excepts Dean Winchester to be scared of anything, especially of such a harmless little creature.
But the way he looks so small right now, makes Cas want to do nothing less but to put him in the palm of his hand and carry him there forever, just so he could personally make sure he stays warm and happy and watch over him so nothing bad can ever happen. He would make him a home in his chest pocket, right next to his heart where he belongs.
He could just burst with the love he feels.
‘’Dean.’’ He waits until the hunter looks up at him. ‘’I can help you with that, you could have just asked,’’ he says softly. Dean perks up.
‘’ Please ,’’ he asks desperately.
Castiel stands up, ready to go, but Dean’s hand on his stops him.
‘’Wait, it could be anywhere by now. It’s pointless.’’
‘’Yes, maybe, but you need to sleep and can’t do it here , Dean.’’
‘’Yeah, but I could…’’ he looks at their still locked hands almost meaningfully, as if waiting for Cas to propose another solution, one that is so painfully obvious. But when he doesn’t, Dean lets go and quickly stands up, coughing before he speaks. ‘’Nevermind. You’re right, let’s go find that little fucker.’’ He leaves the kitchen without looking back, Castiel follows. Like always.
Dean does wait for him outside his bedroom, though he looks sheepish, as he lets the angel inside before him. He himself opts to stays in the doorway.
They both look around, but at first, of course, there’s no sign of the spider.
‘’I told you it’s pointless. There’s no way we’ll find it now.’’ He leans against the doorway and lets out a sigh.
‘’You forget that I’m an angel.’’
Dean opens one eye and peers at him questioningly. Cas smiles at him over his shoulder and then closes his eyes and concentrates his power on finding the spider.
One would probably say it’s a stupid way of using angelic powers, especially when the angel in question is running low on them, but Castiel has always been known for making stupid decisions, especially when it comes to one Dean Wichester.
And after around only 30 seconds the angel opens his eyes and walks over to the bed, moves it a little to the side and bends down to where he located the spider. Turns out it’s a simple parasteatoda tepidariorum, a common house spider, that doesn’t mean any harm, which he tells Dean, who rolls his eyes, but thanks him nonetheless.
When the angel steps closer to Dean, the hunter moves back with a disgusted face.
‘’Ew, and it’s in your hand-’’ Castiel moves past him and down the hallway. ‘’Wait, where are you going? I thought you’d kill it.’’
‘’No, I’ll take her outside, I will be right back.’’
Castiel looks down at the spider as he walks up the stairs and opens the bunker’s door.
The sun will start rising soon , he notices.
The spider does have eight legs and several eyes, which people might consider unsettling. But the angel doesn’t mind, it reminds him of his true form in a weird way.
He walks a few steps away from the door, sets the spider on a nice rock and bids it goodbye.
When he comes back, Dean is, unexpectedly, still standing in the hallway, waiting for Cas, but he doesn’t say anything when the angel comes closer. He shuffles his feet in place.
After a while, Castiel decides to break the silence.
‘’You’re probably glad you can’t see my true form if you don’t like spiders that much. I have even more eyes than them,’’ he jokes.
‘’No, I bet you’re gorgeous,’’ Dean says quietly, then blushes when he realizes what he just said. But he doesn’t look away, too amazed by the red now gracing Cas’ face.
‘’Oh. Um, thank you.’’ Cas tries to put his hands in his trench coat pockets before he remembers he left it in the room earlier. He lets his hands uselessly hang by his sides. ‘’I will… leave you to it, then. Goodnight, Dean.’’ The angel turns around, ready to leave, but once again, a hand on his stops him.
‘’Wait-’’ But he stops when Cas looks at him. Not sure what he wanted to say. Then, like he braves himself for what comes next, he takes a deep breath and squeezes Cas’ hand a little. ‘’Would you- I was-’’ Another deep breath. ‘’Do you maybe want to stay? Here? In my room, I mean. With me,’’ he rushes out all at once and looks hopefully at the angel, if not a little embarrassed again, but for a completely different reason.
He doesn’t give Cas an opportunity to answer though, because he lets go of his hand again as he steps back and laughs awkwardly.
‘’God, no. Forget I asked that. I’m tired, I don’t even know what I’m saying. It’s stupid.’’ Dean laughs again and nervously runs a hand through his hair. ‘’Nevermind. Thanks again, ‘night.’’ He turns to leave.
But Castiel hurries out a rather loud ‘’yes!’’ Before he can think better of it.
‘’Huh?’’
‘’I would like that. Very much. If the offer still stands, that is.’’ Now it’s his turn to shuffle.
Dean looks at him for a moment and finally the corner of his mouth turns up a little and he nods his head toward the bedroom in a ‘’come on in’’ gesture.
Inside, Dean doesn’t waste any time getting in bed under the covers and relaxing into the pillows, but Cas hovers awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking between the desk chair and the inviting space on the bed beside Dean.
Dean, sensing his discomfort, cracks one eye open and lifts the quilt, patting the side of the bed and inviting Cas to join him. Before the angel gets to the bed though, Dean stops him.
‘’Take off your jacket. It’ll be uncomfortable to sleep in,’’ he mumbles, fighting his eyelids to stay open.
‘’I don’t sleep.’’ Dean grunts at him in reply.
‘’Just take it off.’’
‘’I- okay.’’ Cas does. He hangs the suit jacket on the back of the chair, then slowly gets in the bed and turns the lights off. He settles comfortably on his back, hands linked together over his stomach and looks at the dark ceiling above him.
This was a bad idea, he starts to think. What is he even doing here? What. Why-
There’s a soft touch on his left side. Dean’s hand grabbing a handful of his shirt and shuffling closer, until he rests his forehead against Cas’ shoulder.
Cas, in a moment of courage, decides to wrap his arm around Dean’s shoulder then, which allows the man to get even closer and rest his head on the angel’s chest.
They’ve been close before, but never this close. Never like this.
Passing touches here, a hug there. But this.
This is something more intimate. Something that was never allowed before.
A fragile dream.
They lay together in silence for long minutes, but Castiel notices Dean’s breath never evens out, he’s still awake.
‘’Dean?’’ He asks quietly and sinks his fingers gently in the hunter’s hair. Dean leans into the touch and hums in reply.
Castiel plays with his hair for a while, hoping it would help the man relax further and fall asleep.
‘’You’re too good for us. For me.’’ Dean mumbles drowsily.
‘’I don’t know about that.’’ Because he’s not. He makes mistakes all the time and people get hurt, Dean gets hurt.
If anything, he will never be good enough for them. For him.
‘’No, I’m serious, Cas. I could never be worthy of you.’’ He starts playing with a button on the Cas’ shirt. He doesn’t sit up, doesn’t look up. His voice sounds sad.
Castiel stiffens.
‘’What do you mean by that?’’
The hunter looks up now, his chin on the angel’s shoulder. For a moment, Castiel is left speechless.
‘’I think you know what I mean.’’
He suspected, he hoped and longed, for such a long time. And now, with Dean looking at him like that-
Saying–
Dean takes his silence for rejection and tries to move away, but Cas’ arm tightens around his shoulders and a hand comes gently to his cheek.
‘’Oh, Dean… You are the most worthy man I have ever known in my entire existence, you have to know that.’’
They look into each other’s eyes, like they do all the time, but this time they see it. They see the love, so much love . And they realize it was always there, they were both just too blind to notice it before.
Not sure who moves first, maybe they both leaned in at the same time, it’s not important. What’s important is that they meet in the middle, their lips pressing softly against each other, barely moving.
And it’s still the best, earth shattering kiss either of them ever had.
Dean opens his mouth a little, inviting Cas to deepen the kiss, so he does.
The hunter tastes like honey, the realization makes Castiel smile against his lips.
They kiss, and kiss, and kiss-
And what inventively breaks it, is Dean yawning.
‘’Oh God, sorry.’’ Another yawn. They laugh.
Cas allows himself one last kiss before letting them lay back down, Dean in Castiel’s arms like it’s where he belongs.
‘’Get some sleep, my love.’’ Castiel kisses the hunter’s forehead, he feels the man smile against his chest before finally falling asleep. With an angel watching over him.
Neither of them expected their night to go like this. And there’s still much they need to talk about, but Cas gets the feeling they have time.
A lifetime.
Together. To figure it out.
—
3 weeks later finds Cas laying in their bed, in their bedroom (as Dean keeps calling it now), playing Candy Crush on his phone and waiting for Dean to come back from the shower.
It’s been a tough few weeks. They had a lot to talk about and even more to figure out. And of course, it was not without any arguments. But this time they found there's a much more pleasant way to finish them.
And he didn’t know one could ever feel as happy as he does, when Dean simply looks at him a certain way or holds his hand under the table during dinner or rests his head on Cas’ shoulder during a family movie night.
Much to say, it’s been some of the best few weeks in Castiel’s millions years of life.
Bliss seems like the best word to describe it.
His thoughts are interrupted by the door opening and Cas looks at the time. It's only been a few minutes, Dean shouldn't be back yet. But there it is. Dean’s head poking through the door, grinning sheepishly at his angel.
‘’Hey, Cas.’’
‘’Dean?’’
‘’You’re so strong and brave. It’s really hot, you know? How did I ever deserve you, remind me? A literal Guardian Angel from Heaven, like my own personal handsome knight in a shining armor-’’
Cas puts the game aside and heaves a sigh as he gets out of bed, rolling his eyes as far as they can go.
‘’Where’s the spider?’’
Dean shoots him a big smile and kisses his cheek.
‘’It’s in the shower.’’
‘’Of course, give me a moment.’’
Dean grabs Cas’ hand with his and swings them back and forth as they’re walking to the bathroom.
‘’A real lifesaver. What would I ever do without you, huh?’’
‘’Stink, probably.’’ Dean gasps in mock outrage and shoves Cas a little, bumping him with a shoulder. They both laugh.
In the bathroom Dean points at where he last saw the spider, which is still there, so luckily no angelic powers needed this time. Cas scoops it in his hands and sweetly smiles at his human, as he steps closer, making Dean yelp and back away.
‘’Cas, I love you, I really do. But get away from me.’’ Castiel laughs at him.
‘’But look, it’s so small .’’
‘’Nope! Get out.’’ Dean practically shoves him out the door and closes it. Cas laughs even louder now, shaking his head at how ridiculous the hunter is.
He only makes a couple of steps in the hallway when the bathroom door opens again.
‘’Hey, Cas. You should join me when you get back.’’ Dean grins wolfishly at Cas’ expression, winks and closes the door again.
As the angel walks down the hallway, it suddenly hits him.
This feels like home.