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It had been some time since Xie Lian last came to Ghost City. After everything, after Hua Cheng left for that long torturous year, Xie Lian hadn’t been able to bring himself to visit. Logically, he knew Hua Cheng wouldn’t mind. He had invited him to visit plenty of times, but the thought of walking the halls of Paradise Manor without Hua Cheng there made Xie Lian’s heart clench painfully.
In any case, he was back now. As much as he loves his little cottage in the mountains, Xie Lian has to admit that there is a different sort of satisfaction in being in Paradise Manor. Surrounded by Hua Cheng’s smell, Hua Cheng’s things… Xie Lian feels safe. He’s glad to have it all back now.
He never doubted Hua Cheng would return, but somehow the agony of not knowing when that would be made his pain almost comparable to if he had left forever….
Almost…
“What is Gege thinking about?” Hua Cheng interrupted Xie Lian’s internal struggle and Xie Lian smiled at him.
“I’m just… glad to be back here…” he said quietly. Xie Lian was never one for expressing his feelings straightforwardly, but considering that he’s not alone anymore, he’s willing to make an effort. “It’s strange, but I actually missed this place…” he admits.
Hua Cheng smiles brightly at that, flashing Xie Lian a beautiful view of his small fangs.
“I’m very glad Gege likes it, we can stay as long as Gege wants this time. Would you like me to show you around?” Hua Cheng offered.
Xie Lian pondered this for a moment. Truth be told, the thought of exploring the Manor hadn’t crossed his mind but now that Hua Cheng brought it up he couldn’t help the anticipation that rose within him. He nodded eagerly.
“Then if Gege will follow me, i will show you my rooms first.” Hua Cheng offered his arm to Xie Lian and he took it shyly.
The pair walked through the main hall and Xie Lian glanced at the black, jade divan, remembering the last time he was here and he blushed.
They walked along a long corridor decorated with red veils and candles that reflected off the black marble floor, giving it an eerie vibe. The corridor led to an open courtyard with all sorts of flowers and plants taking over the stone paths and even climbing up the sides of the building. On the other side of that courtyard was a relatively mundane door, compared to the rest of the Manor. Xie Lian thought it was curious but somehow it didn’t clash with the rest of the surroundings.
Hua Cheng led them through the door and into a small side chamber. “These are my personal quarters,” he explained, “no one else comes in here.”
Xie Lian let go of his arm to look around. The small space was cramped with things on the left side, and almost completely bare on the other. Stacks upon stacks of scrolls on one corner, stray papers and what Xie Lian assumed was a desk underneath it all. Even so, it looked like there was some order in the mess and so Xie Lian didn’t mind it.
“What’s through the other doors?” Xie Lian asked and immediately chastised himself. The answer was obvious. Hua Cheng’s personal quarters… of course it had to be a bedroom.
Hua Cheng chuckled. “The one on the left is the bedroom, the one on the right is the bath,” he explained and looked at Xie Lian with barely contained anticipation. He seemed to be thrilled to have Xie Lian in his personal space.
But Xie Lian was entirely focused on another thing: an entire room for a bath?
The thought seemed incredulous to him, and he was once a Crown Prince. Sure, back in the Palace of Xianle there was a room for bathing and dressing, but it was relatively bare compared to the rest of the palace. Somehow Xie Lian doubted that was the case for this room, taking into consideration Hua Cheng’s extravagant tastes.
“May I see?” Xie Lian asked after a while, his eyes fixed on the bath’s door. Hua Cheng smiled at him and reached his hand out for Xie Lian to take.
——-
Xie Lian was right. In contrast with the rest of what he’d seen of Hua Cheng’s chambers, the bathroom had the same extravagant style as the rest of the Manor. The only catch was: instead of black, it was white.
Walking in instantly transported Xie Lian back to his youth. The colours of the white marble and jade, gold trimmings and white curtains flowing reminded him so much of the palace. The bath was astounding. Actually, calling it a bath was an understatement. There was a giant pool taking up most of the floor space. Light was reflecting on its calm waters from the right side of the room that was open to yet another courtyard, the only thing separating them were long and thin veils hanging from the roof and bellowing all the way down the floor. The ceiling was extremely tall and painted with all sorts of beautiful patterns, from flowers and birds to waterfalls and suns, all decorated with beautiful bright colours and the occasional break of gold accents. It was breathtaking.
As Xie Lian was taking all of this in Hua Cheng was watching him silently by the door. The sound of running water could be heard from the other end of the room, where a tall white sculpture of a mermaid stood, holding a jug made out of green jade that seemed to magically pour water into the pool.
“Would Dianxia like to take a bath?” Hua Cheng asked after a while. His voice was quiet, as if cautious to not disturb the serenity of the scene. If Xie Lian wasnt so absorbed in the scenery, he would’ve noticed Hua Cheng’s excitement seeping through his usually careful tone. He always took great pleasure in making his God happy.
Xie Lian distractedly nodded, having barely heard Hua Cheng and moved towards the pool. He crouched down, his hand caressing the gold trim running all the way around it. He dipped on slender finger in the water. The water was freezing cold making Xie Lian hiss in surprise and was pulled back to reality. He walked back to Hua Cheng smiling. “This room is beautiful San Lang…” he said.
Hua Cheng smiled for the millionth time at him. “I’m glad Gege likes it. You can wait outside in the sitting area for a while as I get the bath ready. Is that okay?” he asked.
Xia Lian nodded and he turned to leave, sparring a last glance at the room and Hua Cheng.
————
After sometime Hua Cheng emerged from the room. He had taken off his outter robes, leaving him with a white shirt and his black pants. Xie Lian noticed he was also barefoot. Somehow that image reminded him a lot of Hua Cheng’s younger form. That boyish casual charm will always have a special place in Xie Lian’s heart.
“If Dianxia will follow me, his bath is ready”, Hua Cheng announced in a formal tone, the only thing distinguishing him from a servant was a playful glint in his eye and Xie Lian smiled.
“Thank you San Lang… you didn’t have to go into so much trouble though”, Xie Lian said awkwardly as he walked into the room.
Not much had changed, but the temperature of the whole space was noticeably warmer and a faint steam was coming from the pool. A jade tray full of pots and bottles was set on the side of the steps of the pool and Xie Lian assumed that was probably soap and bath salts. He turned to face Hua Cheng who was watching him carefully.
A breath passed between them, and then two. Xie Lian was unsure of what to do, and Hua Cheng seemed like he wanted to move but couldn’t. A blush crept up Xie Lian’s throat and feeling as bold as ever he coughed before saying probably louder than necessary:
“Will you stay…?”.
He said it quickly, before his confidence could dissipate like the steam around him but he caught the way Hua Cheng’s eye widened instantly and Xie Lian’s blush made it all the way to his face.
“If that’s what Dianxia wants…. It would be my honour,” Hua Cheng said slowly and he walked over to Xie Lian’s side. His hands twitched at his sides, unsure what to do but he kept himself composed.
Xie Lian smiled shyly and walked away from him, towards the edge of the pool. He looked at the water, so inviting as it was and took a deep breath of courage. There was nothing to be ashamed of. He trusted Hua Cheng more than anyone in the world, and even though he would deny it, the thought of bathing in front of him….. with him… made a shiver run down his spine.
Having made up his mind he slowly reached for the belt of his robes. Not a single sound besides the running water could be heard. He undid the belt, his back facing Hua Cheng and dropped it on the floor next to his feet. His trembling hands made their way to his robes and he removed them too, this time carefully folding them and placing them down. He was standing now only in his inner clothing and before he could think about it more he untied the strings of his shirt and lowered it from his shoulders. His skin was pleasantly wrapped in the warm steam of the room. Xie Lian let the shirt fall on the floor too when he heard a startled sharp intake of breath behind him and froze.
Faint panic started making his way into his gut. He tried to calm himself down and logically think about what happened. Was San Lang regretting staying here? Was Xie Lian…. Was he… did he not look… good?
That was his last thought before he turned to face Hua Cheng. His arms protectively curling in front of his chest self-consciously.
He looked up to Hua Cheng’s face only to be greeted with a hurricane of emotions. Xie Lian couldnt begin to decipher them all but he could see anger, hurt…. sadness…?
That only confused him more. Why would Hua Cheng be angry and sad looking at Xie Lian’s….. oh.
Xie Lian understood now. He slowly dropped his arms and looked at his own chest, trying to see it for the first time.
The thousands of white and grey lines scattered across his chest abdomen and back were not foreign to him. Some were more faded, some less. Some gruesome, some just simple lines. He was used to them. If he was honest, he didn’t see them that often anyway. In his years in the mortal realm he hardly came across mirrors, and even if he did he preferred not to look anyway. What was there to look at? Xie Lian was there when those scars were made. He remembered them and each one had served as a reminder of his past struggles.
But he had long embraced that now. With himself came baggage. Hua Cheng knew this, Xie Lian thought. He was there for most of it…. As much as that hurt Xie Lian to think about.
He considered it for a while, Hua Cheng was still frozen in place, seemingly in a battle with himself. Xie Lian tried to reason with himself, if it was him, and he saw Hua Cheng covered in scars he knew well came from torturous moments… he too would probably have the same reaction.
With new-found conviction he walked over Hua Cheng and gently put his hand over his eye. Hua Cheng’s reaction was immediate and his own hand came to cover Xie Lian’s one.
For a few moments neither of them spoke.
“San Lang…” Xie Lian broke the silence and he felt Hua Cheng stiffen. “It’s okay…” he whispered and Hua Cheng broke. A full body shudder went through him and he made a choked sound. Xie Lian lowered their hands and looked at his lover sadly.
A tear had made its path down Hua Cheng’s beautiful face, his eye glistening with many more that were stubbornly refusing to fall, blinding him instead as he shook his head.
“It’s okay,” Xie Lian repeated. He knew that his trauma wasn’t okay. But after all his suffering he had realised that carrying it around only led to more trauma. It had been hard to let go, but he managed. He didn’t want Hua Cheng to be sad about the past. It couldn’t change either way.
“I’m sorry…” Hua Cheng whispered at last. His voice broken and angry, as if he was trying to hold himself together and used his wrath as glue. “I wasn’t strong enough…” he said and Xie Lian shook his head in disagreement.
“Don’t say that. San Lang…” Xie Lian responded. “The past happened. We can’t change it and I’ve long made my peace with it. My misfortunes weren’t your fault… nor your responsibility, so please don’t apologise.”
Hua Cheng’s head was hanging low and Xie Lian cupped his face with his hands and raised it to look at him. Hua Cheng’s brows were furrowed with regret and pain and Xie Lian subconsciously ran his thumb over his forehead, easing the muscles there in a gesture that had only one meaning: please don’t be sad.
Hua Cheng slowly brought his arms around Xie Lian, holding him so tenderly as if he would break at any moment. Xie Lian held Hua Cheng’s head on his shoulder while he cried silently, and pieces of Xie Lian cried with him. Not because of his own pain, but because Hua Cheng was the one in pain now, and despite his words, Xie Lian could understand why.
“It’s okay now”.