Chapter Text
Donnie was doing good, he was! He was more open, he even started therapy! So he’d say that’s a lot of progress. If he was feeling down, he’d tell his father, if he was feeling good, he’d tell his father.
And right now, he felt AMAZING. Better than ever. He sent a text to let his father know. He put his phone down and looked around his room. “Jeez my rooms a mess. I should clean it, and maybe even clean the bathrooms and kitchen, fuck it. I’ll just clean the whole house!” So that’s what he did. Or started at least.
It took him 5 hours to deep clean his entire room, it felt amazing. By the time he was done it was time for supper. So he left and ate supper.
“Hey Dee!” “Hey Angelo!” Don replied. “You seem to be in a good mood.” Leo teased. “Yeah, well I just got done cleaning my room. So I’m feeling pretty good.” “Oh! That reminds me, i should probably do that too!” Raph said.
After that they all ate supper and talked about random stuff.
Donnie returned to his room and decided to clean the rest of the house tomorrow. For now, hes going to bed. He’s exhausted and ready for bed. So that’s what he does.
Donnie woke up feeling numb. He couldn’t feel anything. It was 11 am, and he felt like shit. He wanted to feel something. But it’s not like he could get something, like a bald per se. Why? Because all the blades and medication were locked behind a locked tool box.
he didn’t know the code. But guessing never hurt anyone did it? So that’s what he did. He got up and went to the bathroom. He closed the door and sat on the floor guessing any combination possible to open the box. And he guessed one correctly. 2519. Perfect.
He opened it and looked for a blade. He found some razors. He took one out, closing the lid and locking it back up. He took the razor back to his room and started dismantling it. He did it and started to roll up his sleeve.
He started to draw lines on his shoulder, not really thinking. His mind was empty. He was finally feeling something. He then stopped to admire his work. He froze.
“what have I done?” “What the fuck did I just do?” “Did I really just get rid of all my progress for this?!”
Tears started to form in his eyes. He didn’t sob or hiccup. Just letting the tears fall. He hated this. Hates himself. Why?! Why the fuck did he do this?! He’s so stupid! Fuck! He started to hit his head with his hands cursing himself out.
Dumb.
Stupid.
Selfish.
Prick.
Asshole.
Fucktard.
WHY CANT YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?! WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE?! WHY?! WHY CANT YOU BE NORMAL?! WHY CANT YOU JUST MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT?! For fuck sakes it’s not that hard!!!
ugh. He his all the evidence and went back to bed. He felt shitty. He just wanted to sleep this off. So that’s what he did.
He woke up hours later again to a knocking on his door. “Hey Don, it’s Leo, I just wanted to check up on you.” He said in a soft voice. “Come in” Donnie said. Leo then walked into the room with a plate in his hand. “I haven’t seen you all day so I thought I’d bring you something to eat.
“Thanks ‘Nardo.” “So what’s up? You sound tired.” “I am. I’m not… feeling well.” Donnie admitted. “Oh? Do you need me to get you some gravel?” “No… sigh not like that.” “Oh… do you wanna talk about it?” Leo asked. “No, not really.” “Alright, do you wanna be alone?” “Also no.”
“Alright, I’ll stay then. Wanna scotch over so I can lay down with ya?” Leo asked. Donnie moved over so Leo could have some room. Leo then got under the covers with Donnie and laid down. “Why don’t you eat up and we can talk about stuff yeah?” “Okay.”
and then Donnie ate. And they talked. It was… comforting. It was nice.
A couple of hours later dinner was ready and they ate. They talked about their day and what not. After supper Donnie got up and went to the bathroom. Claiming he “wasn’t feeling good.” What a lie. He knew what he was going to do.
he locked the bathroom door and sat in front of the toilet. He shoved two fingers down his throat and began to gag. He started to feel Bild come up his throat. He then puked. He didn’t exactly hate it, but he didn’t like it either. But he felt bad for eating. He felt fat.
he did it a few more times. After that he stopped. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands. And then leaving the bathroom to go back to bed. But not without some thoughts.
“fat pig.” “Ugly fucktard.” “You should die.” “You should finish what you couldn’t all those months ago.”
He put his headphones on and began to listen to music to drown out his thoughts. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to them. He’s already done that two times today. He wasn’t about to do it for a third.
he then began to feel tired. So he went to bed.
he woke up again but this time it was early in the morning. He couldn’t sleep. I guess that’s what happens when you sleep for 14 hours. He decided to scroll through tiktok. He didn’t have much to do anyways. No one was awake for maybe Leo. But what’s he gonna talk about anyways?
Who cares? And a little tiktok isn’t going to hurt anybody. And so that’s what he did.
.
.
.
he felt useless. He should be making something right now, or fixing something. Now what he’s doing is just being stupid and useless laying in bed. Fuck he’s dumb. God damn it! Why can’t he do anything right?!
you know what? Fuck it. He’s just going to force himself back to sleep. Fuck this shit. He doesn’t have time for this. FUCK YOU WORLD!